Posted in Awareness, Spirit animals

First spirit sign

Two cats appeared this morning out of nowhere. I knew of the dogs that reside here at the park, my new home, but it was the first time seeing the cat (s). And since it was two at the same time, I took it as a sign of urgency and a message that was waiting for me. Luckily I managed to unpack my spirit animal book by Dr Steven Farmer, while other items are still packed away in a dark box, waiting to see daylight once again. Another reason I think I am meant to have this message. I am not going to quote it fully, but focus on the parts of what I got out of it and what resonated. Here it goes…

This is a period where self-sufficiency and trust in your own capabilities is necessary.

Listen closely to your intuitive guidance, as it’s likely an ancestor who is one of your spirit guides trying to communicate with you. This is a period of magic and mystery for you, so pay close attention to signs and omens that will guide and direct you. Whatever you’ve released, relationships, material goods, self-defeating habits, will soon be replaced with something or someone entirely more suitable for who you are presently.

What can I say…no ordinary moments. Ever….

Posted in Journey, Life

Moving Day

It was June 9th, moving date and what a day it was. Logging 5+ miles in the house, removing the last personal belongings, cleaning and getting everything ready for the new owners, directing the movers, running to the storage shed and much more. At one point I was grateful being busy, as it left little time to feel the blues of it all. But eventually it caught up as it would, and it was at the point when we were done.

Sitting on the stairs next to each other, the only place left to sit, exhausted, staring into an empty shell that was our home at some point. In front of us an extensive DVD collection that we left behind for the buyers and negotiated it into the selling price. “We did it” I finally managed to say which triggered tears from both of us and silently we half hugged, one arm around the others shoulder. While some stress from the past couple of months fell off, it was so much more than this, and we were not only saying goodbye to a home, but also to us living under the same roof. It would be awhile until stress free days would find us, each on their separate path, but hopefully some of the physical demands would ease going forward.

Two days later, I am sitting on the side of the road, after wearing Cinnamon out so she’ll let me type this post, still being exhausted myself from all of it and non stop unpacking, trying to get settled into my tiny home travel trailer pictured above. It’s nestled in an area in the woods (not pictured) where the wifi is just about non existent and I might be posting here and there whenever I can. It’ll be back to typing a note on Notepad and when I have a signal, upload a pic and copy and paste the word body. Same goes for answering comments. Ughhh. Plus I was invited to participate in an important work shop which I don’t know will happen. I’m still hopeful and hope that the signal can improve with a wifi booster.

Anyways a few posts are still scheduled and hopefully I’ll still be in touch. For right now I have to do what I have to do and that is breathe deeply.

Posted in Inspiration, Manifesting, Quotes

Wise words by Osho

Have you heard of Osho? Surely you must have and perhaps you too relate to much of his wisdom. There quotes recently found their way into my life. Perhaps at a time when I needed to hear them since I don’t believe n coincidences. Today, I feel compelled to share them with you, or at least write them out here for future reference.

The first one is all about self love. Of being comfortable in your own skin. Of facing some fears and perhaps his one relates to many of us. Here it is…

“First become alone. First start enjoying yourself. First love yourself. First become so authentically happy that it nobody comes it doesn’t matter; you are full, overflowing. If nobody knocks at your door it is perfectly okay – you are not missing. You are not waiting for somebody to come and knock at the door. You are at home. If somebody comes, good, beautiful. If nobody comes, that too is beautiful and good. Then move into relationship. Now you move like a master, not like a beggar. Now you move like an emperor, not like a beggar.”

The second one is all about contentment. Of going with the flow. Of dropping expectations. Of letting go of control, of being at peace. Here it is…

“Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand – relax. If you relax, it comes. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it.”

The last one goes back to self love. To forgiveness and taking a leap of faith challenging the status quo and everything you have learned in life. It’s an undoing, an unlearning, a chance to summon your courage and follow your own truth. Here it is…

“Accept yourself as you are. And that is the most difficult thing in the world, because it goes against your training, education, your culture. From the very beginning you have been told how you should be. Nobody has ever told you that you are good as you are.”

I hope somebody needed to read these today. Read them slowly, see how they apply and then forge your plan and general outline. Know in your heart where you want to go. Visualize it and see it. Notice a smile gracing your face as you see it. Hold on to it and give thanks as if it happened already. And now surrender and let go. 🙏🏼💙

Posted in Feelings, Healing, Life

Washing over me

As emotions and changes are washing over me, I fail to find the words, nor the time to write a proper post. So just a beautiful picture for today had to do. It’s from a place I got to photograph and visit a few years back.

Over the last couple of month I have been yearning for the ocean, to just sit and be at peace for awhile. Water has always a calming and serene effect on me. I am missing the annual trip to the ocean, and this years focus is all about executing elsewhere, for a hopeful and better life down the road. An opportunity for another trip down calmness and bliss. I am not talking in the sense of material things, but in the sense of calm, serenity, going with the flow and being still, being at peace, and finally coming home within my heart and within my soul, wherever this place might be.

Posted in Inspiration, words

Inara

It’s been awhile for a new word post and this one seems timely and fitting. As always I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that it has come into my life.

Inara: m: Arabic; shining light

Walking through the forest the other day during a rare break, I found this form of shining light, illuminating this plant beautifully. It captured me and I stood and admired it’s beauty. I have seen this plant before and even photographed it before, but the perfect moment of shining light capturing it gave it a whole different perspective and look.

Now there is a whole different meaning to this word named Inara, and sometimes I feel like the subject when so many of you shine your light upon me. When you are such bright beacons on my horizon, when the world temporarily turns dark. You pick me up with your comments and walking besides me. You make me glow with the reflection of your shining light, seeing me through. For each and every one of you is a shining light in my life and makes all the difference in the world. So, this one, this word, is dedicated to you and comes with a great big thank you and much, much love.

Namaste 🙏🏼💙

Posted in Divorce, Drama, Marriage

In rare (not so rare) form

Boy oh boy, I can only offset what’s going on today with a pretty picture of better times, passed like in this picture of my backyard, and better times still ahead. No doubt do I wish I was there right now and hopefully I will be soon, taking Cinnamon to explore this magical place.

The husband is in rare form today. Canceling services, water, trash, gas, wifi and internet. Plenty of opportunities to yell at people over the phone, I don’t know who he is anymore. I am embarrassed for him, I don’t relate, and luckily he is on the last call, before giving himself another heart attack. I always wonder if it’s worth it, how is one feeling to put another down to nothing. I had to walk away from it. Not only am I upset by his behavior, but I am sensitive to shouting and loud noises. I know there is a medical term for it, but it has escaped my mind right now. Who knows maybe I lost my mind altogether by now. Only a few more days. Sometimes they can’t come soon enough and other times the sadness of it all catches up, although I don’t wish for things to be different anymore. They are exactly how they need to be.

Earlier we took apart my bedroom which has a special build in corner piece for the bed. Of course I wasn’t doing things right and to expectations. The comments and insults flew and 5 minutes after getting it done, he is back to acting like nothing has happened. And if I don’t want to play nice and I’m short, only communicating what I absolutely have to, I end up being the guilty one. How is one to come back from this!

Today could have been a decent day. Headway’s are made each day, we are pushing beyond the pain, and it looks like we are on track, able to make the deadline. Is there even another choice! I realize I am venting and I come here to let off steam instead of keeping it in. But by god, it surely has to be this way, doesn’t it, and ever so often (daily) the universe is showing me exactly as to why we are where we are. We had a few heart to hearts, one just yesterday where I shared my feelings, how hurtful his behavior has been and how it degrades me, leaving me feeling like I am the tiniest midget alive. One second of pause and forgotten in the next. Some things just never change and I should remember that the next time I feel so sad and bad for him. After all he is a grown man and apparently he likes his actions the way they are. May karma go softly on him. I truly hope and pray for it.

Posted in Healing, Inspiration, Wisdom

A healers perspective

My dear body has been working overtime and is exhausted. It’s been literally through hell and I am seeing some of the side effects besides the pain. Yet miraculously, the pain has become much more tolerable on most days, and is not hindering me much from day to day. Again not all days are equal and while it’s easy on some, on others I feel crippled. The fatigue is a whole different story and I did come down with a nasty cold that has lingered for two weeks. It was hard to get rid off when you you can’t take time to rest and look after yourself properly. Luckily I have reached the tail end of it, putting it behind me. The only thing left is some congestion on my heart and lungs.

I believe there is a reason for everything. I believe there are no ordinary moments. I believe that pain is one of our greatest teachers, bringing into awareness that something is out of balance. I believe that our own thoughts, our fears and our ego can be a great enemy to ourselves, only making life harder than it has to be. What wisdom would the old healer hold and say to us, speaking directly to our soul?

It’s not your back that hurts, but the burden.

It’s not your eyes that hurt, but injustice.

It’s not your head that hurts, it’s your thoughts.

Not the throat, but what you don’t express or what you say with anger.

Not the stomach that hurts, but what the soul does not digest.

It’s not the liver that hurts, it’s the anger.

It’s not your heart that hurts, but love.

And it is love itself that contains the most powerful medicine.

Author unknown

Posted in Healing, Life, My story

Moving date & other news

It’s almost moving date and this coming Wednesday, my new home will be a 24ft long travel trailer, nestled in the woods. It is situated at an RV park to provide full hook up. It’s been work in progress for several weeks to make for a smooth transition. I will post pictures and updates as soon as I get settled, but here is a picture of my new sheets with the motto that everything is better at the campsite. I hope so.

It is peaceful and quiet there and I’ve made a few box deliveries. It’s a zen place with great energy and that’s important for me at this point. Even Cinnamon is picking up on it and we are both looking forward to some lazy days of recovery and not having a stressful agenda that stretches from early mornings until late at night. I imagine we will do some creative stuff, lounging, visiting the nearby waterhole, and a few naps. It sounds wonderful, and not having a day filled with tasks will feel so good to me. It is needed, and thank god. It’s hard to believe that the past couple of months will finally be behind me. What an emotional as well as physical rollercoaster it has been. To some extend Germany will bring some of the same trials and challenges, but until then, I look forward to days filled with rest and recovery. Thank you all for being patient with me, for sticking around, and for understanding that is has been the transition, the fight of my life. It truly means the world.

In the meantime at the house: We lucked out this morning, taking Cinnamon for a walk at the perfect time. A delivery truck had already pulled up and dropped one of two hardwood floor pallets in the middle of the driveway, which would have blocked my car into the garage. Looks like the new owners will have new flooring installed and the deliveries continue, despite our wish to give us some respect and space until their official date of procession, agreed per contract.

We offered to store the pallets in the garage but the driver said he could only leave them in the driveway. 😳 There was no way for us to move the pallets, nor could the driveway be blocked, block my car and the movers coming on Wednesday morning to load furniture. Long story short, we had to refuse the pallets to be taken away and delivered once we are out of the house, like next Thursday.

I am surprised to say the least by the thought process and inconsideration of the new owners. We are literally being pushed out lol, but I guess for a payday like this I can endure being pushed around a bit. But it’s always the principal isn’t it, perhaps even a lack of respect and consideration. Leaving two pallets of wood in the driveway, overnight, for someone to steal, (although we live in a good neighborhood…but still), what if it rained? Who does that? I would imagine that I can expect a crew to show up to rip out the carpet next so the hardwood floor can be installed. What will be next? Chocolate to the rescue…😂