In a land far, far…away

If you are new to this site, I welcome you to my blog and my little corner, here on social media. I am grateful you have stopped by, perhaps you have left a comment, or even began to follow me. Blessed be….and I hope we support each other, and find great comfort in our words.

I am currently away as you are reading this, and I have returned to my birth country Germany to do some of the most important work I will ever do. It’s the deep work of my life and I will emerge a changed person once it is all done. While many posts are pre scheduled, (all the way through April 18th…can you believe it?), it will be this one that is pinned to the top of my blog to explain why I won’t be able to be as active, comment back, and interact with you. My time is limited to get my work done, and wifi might not always be abundant. Personal relationships and time with loved ones will take priority, but I still hope to keep you updated. I will be gone until the beginning of June and promise to catch up, read you and your insights, whenever I can.

I thank you for your continued trust and loyalty. Your friendship and support means the world to me as you guide me through the next months. I wish you all the best, while sending nothing but love and light. Stay safe and take good care of yourself.

Namaste…

Saying “thank you”

Today on Father’s Day here in Germany I give thanks to two special men. My birth father and his brother, my adoptive father. Both of theses men have played a vital role in my life and have left footprints all over my heart.

Today, as an adult I’m happy I got to spend the day with one of them and travel to the birthplace where my two fathers along with four more siblings were born. It sure was a trip down memory lane, especially for “dad” who hasn’t been here in many years. I’m still hungry for my family history, for the little tidbits and stories that are still remembered and talked about on occasion with a smile. I’m glad that I had the chance to learn a few of them.

The old and the new

The last box was sealed today and the movers are coming on the 30th. What a strange collection of things I am taking back with me to the states. All in all only 20 boxes and I think I past my test to keep living on a tiny scale.

What is returning with me is a collection of old and new. A collection of projects and pieces that will one day find their place in my final, my forever home. Such as this old door that was up in the attic of the house in Germany. I hope to refinish it and use it somewhere at a later time. You should see the key for it. I’m sure the movers will think of what a strange collection it is that I paid good money to have shipped. I see the potential in things and it’s often pieces that others consider junk that become my treasures. I like it that way and therefore we all get what we want.

It felt strange to seal the last box. Almost like a bit of closure, sealing the last artifacts that made the list. Much is still staying behind but even those things are vanishing and leaving this house. I never expected it to become this empty and I thought much would stay for the new owners, but it’s a good sign that these pieces found a new use and a new life. I can’t wait to redo this door and to mingle the old with the new to create a cozy space. A new chapter is about to start when I get back and I will search for land where I can build my tiny abode.

My first Motorcycle

The passion for motorcycles runs in my family, and from little on I would wait at the end of the driveway to catch a ride on the Gastank when my Dad came home from work. Many family members ride still today, but I have always been the only woman in our family licensed and with an actual motorcycle.

Pictured above was my first bike and what a show stopper it was at the time. Belt driven and liquid cooled, a big deal back then and so was the according price tag. It was the most expensive in its class, and it wasn’t a matter of that, but I simply didn’t like the other models. This was the one and I paid the price for it by financing it, working only part time and having to say no to many fun activities with my friends due to my obligations of paying off the loan. I would do it again, in a heartbeat. It’s a passion, a feeling you carry inside that is hard to explain. It’s something you feel, something that elates your heart and I am planning to be well enough to ride again. Soon, very soon.

The last week

The last week has started and it’s hard to believe that I will be flying back to the states next week. There is still so much my heart is processing but overall I feel good how everything transpired and worked out. Things that once choked my heart and breath, seemingly impossible to overcome, unable to conclude where to even start, one by one fell into place. Each day tasks are marked off the list and with each there comes a little more lightness my way. It’s quite something to look back and see the progress of what all had to and what all did transpire.

Before this all started my cousin and I once said that one day we will look at each other and say “unbelievable what we all accomplished.” Today was that day as I looked at her during a coffee get together and I said that very statement. What seemed so daunting, impossible and scary was mostly behind me now and as a sigh of relief this statement expressed exactly what needed to be said. And I’m beyond grateful that I didn’t had to walk to road alone and had such amazing company. Thank you.

Missing Bember

I always had a little visiter on my previous visits to Germany. Bember, the neighborhood cat. Mom used to feed the Momma cat and so it was only normal that her daughter came too.

During my stay, Bember was always a welcome guest at my house. She came to eat but often just to snuggle and give me some company. I missed her on this trip and I had a feeling the last time already that I wouldn’t see her again. It’s amazing how animals can influence and impact our lives and I look forward to see my little Cinnamon girl soon.

Why the English language is hard to learn

I don’t know about you, but for me, it’s time to have some fun. Life’s been moving so fast for me lately and soon I’ll be back in the states again. I need to take a deep breath and and bring some laughter to my soul. And I should mention that I wasn’t intentionally picking on the English language, but that was the first funny that appeared and I loved it. Usually, they say German is hard to learn and I would agree. It is my first language but trying to teach it to someone, it brings to the forefront the complexity, trying to explain why “the” could be der, die, or das, depending on the sentence. Anyways….here is a takeout of why the English language is hard to learn. Enjoy…

We’ll begin with box, the plural is boxes, but the plural in ox is oxen, not oxes. Mmmh…moving along. One fowl is a goose, and two are called geese, yet the plural of moose is never called meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a house full of mice, but the plural of house is houses, not hice. The plural of man is always men. But the plural of pan is never pen.

If I speak of a foot, and you show me two feet, and I give you a book, would a pair be a beek? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn’t two booths be called beeth?

If the singular is this and the plural is these, should the plural of kiss be ever called keese?

We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him, but imagine the feminine….she, shis, and shim!

And there you have it…I hope you smiled!

Two people fell in love

Many moons ago, two people found each other, fell in love and started a family. That’s how I came to be, the end result of love and passion. This is how our little family started and today I am the last carrying on traditions, our way of life, what was important and even what’s in a surname. I carry the family name within my heart. I will always remember my roots and where I cane from. I feel closer than ever to these two people that fell in love and gave life to me. As you celebrate in heaven your 61st wedding anniversary, I cheer you on with a great “happy anniversary” and live and miss you more than ever.

A medicine woman’s prayer

I will not rescue you, for you are not powerless.

I will not fix you, for you are not broken.

I will not heal you, for I see you, in your wholeness.

I will walk with you through the darkness as you remember your light.

Sometimes we don’t need the actual solution, but the guidance. Sometimes it’s just a matter of knowing we are not alone. The work always needs to be done and sometimes we just need someone who sees us, who hears the unspoken words. Sometimes it’s just a little compassion, a little humanity that makes all the difference.

Solitude and time alone

I have always been a person that required a certain amount of solitude. It took years before I recognized it and for a long time it remained as something I simply wasn’t aware of. Over the years I grew weary of the hectic and the noice to a point that I became sensitive to loud sounds. Over the years I have learned to be alone and become my own best company, which also makes me a bad friend at times, because time out with besties and soul sisters and brothers can’t always happen on any given day.

When life gets too busy or I don’t get enough time to myself, running too many errands and tasks, I crave this time out, this time alone. I need time to decompress, time away, time alone, in quiet. And yet I know that while I am here in Germany, and will have many opportunities to be alone, there will also be times I might feel lonely. I will miss loved ones and Cinnamon, and even that time, in my own pain, I will have to face alone. What a dilemma, a constant struggle for balance, for not too much but also not too little.

I know many struggle and are afraid of being alone. Learning to be your best company, to face yourself, and get along with yourself without judgement and ridicule is an art to be learned and not always easy. I see it with many complex layers that need to be peeled and addressed, and doing so takes courage and a strong heart. It’s often too painful to take an honest look and we might not be ready. Can we be objective, seeing the whole big picture, or are we blocking parts of us? Chances are that if you can’t be your own best company, if you have not made peace with yourself, you might not be good company for others, or them for you. You might carry too much baggage and weight. So what needs to give here…how will you overcome…

The layers of harm

Don’t listen to the jealous ones. Their harsh words have no room in your life and sadly they are trapped in their own kind of hell. That was my initial reaction reading this short story about Marilyn Monroe.

She is pictured wearing a dress made out of a potato sack in response to a fashion reporter who claimed it was her clothes that made her so attractive, and that in a potato sack she would look ordinary. (1952) I am not sure I’d call this picture ordinary, would you? But there is so much more at work here that begs to be said, but I won’t. I leave it at this, saying that we will always have an opinion one way or another. Some ways are hurtful to others, some are naive and small minded, even downright cruel and insulting. It reminds me of the saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

I have seen judgements, opinions and attitudes like this in action. Have you ever noticed that the ones complaining and doing the harm are no price themselves? I once was told that they do it to empower themselves, so they themselves can feel better. I find it endlessly sad and see many inner children that are waiting to be healed from the wounds of their life experiences. It makes me wonder, could we meet such a person with love or would our initial reaction be to despise them? Would our won reaction to them and their wrong doing be justified or would we indeed just add to the sadness and instill more harm? Something to think about isn’t it?