There is always a decision to make. We have the gift of choice. And when it comes to our energy and vitality we have more input that we might be aware of. Take a look at these examples of what either gives you energy to power through all of your must do’s, or what takes it away.
Let’s start with the energy givers: a glass of water, sunlight, nourishing food, exercise, laughter, cuddles with a pet, self-care, meditation, visualization, reading, music, fresh air, friends & family, creativity, writing, journaling setting intentions and even sleep.
Now let’s look at the energy takers: overthinking, screens & social media, clutter, dehydration, an inconsistent sleep pattern, possibly certain foods & alcohol dependency, people pleasing, setting unrealistic goals, unclear & sloppy boundaries, negativity, and going-going-going without rest.
Looking at the two lists, some issues especially when it comes to the energy takers may not be in our control especially when it comes to inconsistent sleep. My pattern might be the same as far as what time I like to go to bed, but the quality of sleep is not always there for me depending on the pain level I experience at that given time. But most of those things listed are powerful and simple things we all can implement more or less thereof. So here we go, let’s pick our poison and miracle drug. It doesn’t always have to be complicated and sometimes it’s just that simple.
I’ve been sitting a lot in the company of spirit lately. Although not physically here, Mom continues to come around and she makes it known that she is here with the flicker of a light or other shenanigans like it. Her favorite seems at night when I go to bed and set the phone onto the iHome docking station. The light goes off and I tuck myself in. Most nights, without a touch, the phone turns back on and lights up for a few moments despite the do not disturb setting in effect. It’s as if she is telling me goodnight and letting me know that she is here. We have taken several final walks together and this is another one that I need to do in her spiritual presence. I need her to understand, to accept and to forgive me.
I’ve been calling to her a lot lately and I think she knows that I need her. I can only hope that she can validate my decision to sell her house, and that she understands the reasons behind it. I know she always wanted me to take over the house, to come home and to uphold all the hard work she put in place over all the years. I am in no way and form physically or mentally capable to uphold what used to be her dream. Being truthful with myself, I know it is not my dream, which still doesn’t make this coming to terms thing any easier.
A “for sale” sign has been placed into the window and I got to text with one of the parties that has toured the house twice and committed to buying it. A direct contact has been established and I couldn’t be more grateful about where the house will end up. Hopefully once all the details are cleared. So far we have agreed on the sell price and a lot of understanding and sensitivity has been placed around travel and what I have to do to clear the house. It was even offered to be sent remodel pictures so I can see the progress. The offer was very sweet but will be one of those bittersweet moments. However, the curious and the will to know is greater than the fear of going down memory lane. I think it will provide some peace for me at some point, although I will always remember that it should have been me doing this, and that it is how Mom envisioned it. I hope I can let go of the disappointment she must have felt about me, of the feeling of being let down. I hope that Mom will recognize all the loving work and dedication that is going into the house she loved so much even if it’s not coming directly from me.
My covid booster shot (yeah, don’t remind me) is due or available I should say on March 9th. I think it will be essential to take care of this before I go. Not to prevent anything as we all know it doesn’t, but for the sake of politics. I am afraid that the rules will change once more and I might face trouble coming back if I’m not fully vaccinated and boosted. So better safe than sorry, at least in that respect. Plus I am hoping it is literally giving me a boost like it did the last time. I don’t know if I could dare to believe it was a coincidence (yeah, we know I don’t believe in those) that after the first dose the RA improved. After the second shot I even hiked the Wave. Almost unimaginable right now as this temporary high has worn off. But if I get another after the booster, it will come in perfect timing.
I am planning to give myself until the end of May to get everything done. That is if the buyer will allow me this much time, which I hope for and need. And for at least that time, the blog will fall silent and I won’t be able to write. The occasional wifi connection might allow me here and there to stop by, but my time needs to be committed elsewhere. I know you understand and I already here you telling me to take all the time I need. I will write and pin a final post before I go and finally get this contact page done in case you need or want to make contact with me. Until then, I’ll keep you posted as I hang onto my seat. Life is changing rapidly.
Who am I? Has someone ever asked you who you are? Have you ever questioned yourself about who you are? And how would you answer that question?
Who we are goes far beyond our given name, what would our name symbolize anyways! Our name is merely something we answer to when called. It doesn’t represent personal traits, character or even describes us. What describes us and gives us glimpses to who we are is the way we react and behave to things. It’s our day to day experiences with life, other people and the world. It’s beyond who our parents were and where we were born. Answering such a question requires some soul searching and looks easier than it actually is. Go ahead and just give it a try and you’ll probably find yourself stuttering and stalling at first. In all honesty, this might be a question to which it’s answer is ever evolving and changing. If I was to describe who I am, it would be a snapshot of that current moment. It would highlight characteristics about myself but would that explain who I am? Would that give a clear picture? Could we ever put the complexity of who we are into a complete picture of us? I don’t think we could. Most likely we would miss things, or couldn’t truly convey something that gives a concise image to who we are. It’s beyond comprehension.
Who I am is a result of all the people I have encountered and all the things that I have experienced. Good and bad. Up to that particular time, and perhaps in a month from now this description might not fit anymore or is only partially truthful. Who we are is forged from our experiences, the laughters shared with friends, the teachings and arguments from our parents, our first love, our first hurts and the many disappointments that will follow throughout life. It’s from wild childlike play with childish abandonment and crying alone in the shower. It’s stitched together from warm chatter and the smile of a stranger. It’s a result of our darkest moments, cracked and broken hearts, hurtful feelings, moments that touch our hearts, euphoria, achieving a state of nirvana and bitter words with countless fights. Who we are is in between the lines of poetry, in the lyrics of a song when we can’t convey our emotions. Who we are is made up of all our experiences, of all these people we’ve encountered and each and every moment we’ve lived.
This is who I am and you see there is no simple explanation or answer to that question. I am unique and there is no one like me, just like there is no one like you. We share experiences and moments and who we are during those moments is a testament of how far we have come and who we choose to be. Who we truly are does not depend on others but on our own acceptance. Our own critique, our willingness to forgive ourselves and our commitment to meet ourselves with unconditional love and understanding. At the core of everything, perfectly imperfect with all of your flaws and shortcomings…who are you in that very moment? Perhaps it is then, during that rough sea that we learn more about ourselves as in calm waters. A calm sea has never made a skilled sailor.
It was one of my blog followers that has inspired this post. In a comment to one of my other posts he shared the story of the wise Zen master with me. It reached me at the most divine timing. I knew the story already, but being reminded of it in “that” moment was exactly what I needed. Once again it was wisdom already received, but tucked away somewhere and not accessed by myself until I was reminded. Strangely how that happens more times than none. Thank you John.
I had written about my new outlook and about viewing an empty Glass. As an optimist my belief was always around seeing a glass as half full, a positive view compared to seeing it as half empty which could indicate negativity. Perhaps seeing an empty glass would be equivalent to signaling the end, with nothing left to go for. Perhaps it’s just another outdated program and a belief I picked up somewhere along the line. Pieces like these keep coming forward and they make me question most everything these days. They challenge me to see things with a new and refreshed look, making way to new possibilities, considerations and beliefs. It is as if I am receiving an upgrade to my self, my being, ready for the next phase. I arrive at the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with an half empty glass as there is room for more to be filled into it. An empty glass signifies an even greater opportunity, an empty sleigh, a new beginning, a shedding and purging of the old to make room for the new. The only problem I really see now is with a full glass and you will understand why as soon as I share the story of the Zen master with you. Sometimes when we have the most, when we have gathered all the knowledge, all the learnings, all the wisdom, but when we forget how to use it properly and the ego is fed in the worst way, we actually end up in the worst shape, suffocating ourselves at too much bliss and closing ourselves off from all the beauty that still awaits.
For some reason I was dividing people this morning into the ones that are book smart and the ones that are street smart. To me the full cup represents the people that know it all already and who have nothing to learn. They create their own reality and perception, as well as their own truth and beliefs. It becomes their guiding system with little consideration for new insights and they usually don’t sway much from it. Is it a choice they made to be this way, has life made them this way, are they perhaps close minded, stubborn, mean, or are they secretively insecure, vulnerable, afraid, protecting their wounds with a strong image and front? Their cup is full, overflowing, with no room for anything else. Some of the people I have met had degrees and are very book smart. They are educated and they know what they want. Sometimes to the point of any cost and downright ruthless, manipulating and narcissistic. And sometimes they will overpower you with their smarts because there is an answer for everything already and they already know, regardless of what you have to say. They are beyond the listening point, not really hearing you anymore. Some struggle to find common sense in the challenges of day to day life and regardless of their smarts, they become lost and isolated. Please forgive me for these opinions, I am not trying to generalize and I know there are exceptions. These are merely my experiences and what I encountered. What I see and what I pick up as an empath, regardless of the pain I have experienced because of that behavior.
And then we have the ones that deal with day to day life every day. Who might not be the smartest, who might have skipped school, never earning that degree, but who still have amounted to something worthwhile. Who have become experts to rolling with the punches, who are not exempt from the challenges and life itself, but who consistently catch the “Green lights,’ somehow making it work. I look at actors who have ditched their professional diploma and instead became a student of life, and a role model to society. Who have become motivational speakers sharing their wisdom about life and what it takes. Who became highly successful regardless of how they did in school. The ones that are life long students, not only marching to their own beat but to that of a higher meaning. So which one holds more worth I wonder, or is it even a matter of which one is valued more as each contributes in their own unique way. Again, I am speaking only for myself, about my preferences and who I would rather be. Don’t get me wrong, I think that an education is very important as it opens doors for careers and financial security. And yet how to be happy, content, and at peace, aligned with your highest self is not being taught in school. How do we earn that degree? From living life itself. We teach to strive, to be competitive, to work hard, to become ruthless, to be better than the other person. We don’t teach mindfulness and compassion, or what it takes to be content. Perhaps we are starting to incorporate some of these things, and while it is not enough yet, perhaps a start has been made. Perhaps there is a common middle ground, a great education but an open mind, and a willingness to learn the best of both worlds. To stay receptive and keep the ego humble. A hard task for sure but not impossible. Perhaps it starts with a choice. All kinds of things to ponder here and to consider. You can see how my mind could keep going, but now, finally, here is the story of the wise Zen master.
There lived a wise Zen master. People travelled from far away to seek his help. In return, he would teach them and show them the way to enlightenment.
One day, a scholar came to visit the master for advice. “I have come to ask you to teach me about Zen,” the scholar said.
Soon, it became obvious that the scholar was full of his own opinions and knowledge. He interrupted the master repeatedly with his own stories and failed to listen to what the master had to say. The master suggested that they have tea.
So the master poured his guest a cup. The cup was filled, yet he kept pouring until the cup overflowed onto the table, onto the floor, and finally onto the scholar’s robes. The scholar cried “Stop! The cup is full already. Can’t you see?”
“Exactly.” The Zen master replied. “You are like this cup – so full of ideas that nothing more will fit in. Come back to me with an empty cup.”
The other day I stared down the bottom of my glass and this is the view I got. I thought it was kind of beautiful. It reminds me of the artist within me, earlier times and when I took a ton of picture of ordinary things that in my mind looked extraordinary. It takes me back to a time when I won a photo contest with a picture of a weed, and my own belief to always remember that beauty is all around us. That it lies in the eyes of the beholder and that it’s often the little things that touch our hearts in the biggest ways.
Behind it, was my Himalayan salt lamp, giving it a nice little glow, illuminating the center. I’ve always considered myself as a person that viewed the glass as half full versus half empty. I was proud of that, as it signaled a positive outlook. This glass and the view was definitely empty and I’m not sure where I am going with all of this, accept that despite it being empty, there was still beauty to be found. Maybe empty isn’t all that bad, scary, or negative as we thought it to be. Maybe there needs to be an empty so we are able to fill it anew with fresh goodness, replacing something that perhaps has become stale. I don’t know, I am just pondering this morning. Maybe it’s the quote that I stumbled across this morning that is further shaping my Perspective overhaul. God knows I am a sucker for a good quote. To me they are tiny bits of wisdom, lived through experiences, passed on with loving intentions, not just to be heard and share a part of us, but also to contribute and help others along the way. To me, quotes are reminders of something we already know at times but often forget. A long time ago I have sworn myself to not live a life filled with regrets. And yet we make mistakes. We all have regrets. We all wish soon or later that we could get one more chance to hear the voice of a deceased loved one. That we could do some things over, take back words, live with more awareness and be more in the moment. Even if we manage to make drastic changes, we need to realize that there will be glitches. When we slip and when things are less than perfect. Today I remind myself with this quote and a prayer to embody it as often as possible.
“Speak to people in a way that if they died the next day, you’d be satisfied with the last thing you said to them.”
On the health front we are talking about taking the power into our own hands. I hear it all the time that we are more powerful than we believe we are. That we can manifest abundance and wonderful things with merely our thoughts and beliefs. That the body has the ability to heal itself and so much more. Here is a closer look of what we can do to support these magical events and today we are talking about promoting the chemicals that make a positive difference. So here we go…get ready. I’ll introduce the chemical, what it does for us, and ways to promote it.
20 years I lived in this house. A lot of hard work and sweat went into personalizing the inside, putting my own touches on it, and making it one of a kind. Unique.
It is with certainty that I will miss some of these touches, that I will miss this house I once thought would be my forever Home.
Many memories were formed within these four walls, with friends, families and my cousin from Germany and her husband actually spending part of their honeymoon in this house.
A open house is scheduled for this weekend and strangers will walk from room to room viewing your most personal space. My home, what used to be my sanctuary. It’s done to wire with today being the last day before the showing. All hands are on deck as best as possible, removing too many personal artifacts to allow a stranger to visualize themselves within these walls.
It had been my house for many years but I can’t say that it has been a home. And still it remains bittersweet, and I can’t help but feel a sadness running through my veins. It’s not just the house but a big chapter closes because two people couldn’t make it work. A chapter that should have closed perhaps many years ago, a chapter that was impossible to close before. In a way it does feel as if I am walking away from my life’s work, but it is a good time to sell, and my life’s worker runs much deeper than material bliss these days. The market is hot right now and this is the perfect time to sell. It wasn’t always this way, and there were times we were upside down into this house, owing more that it appreciated. Now we will pull a profit and at least there is nothing to owe.
Now a new chapter awaits. As one door closes another opens. As memories are left behind, new ones are waiting to be made. As car load over car load of possessions leave for donations it’s so much more than selling a house. It’s clearing 30 years of stuff. Crazy what accumulates, and perhaps one should take stock and an annual inventory to avoid my situation now. But I get it and it’s partly our upbringing, holding on to anything and everything, holding on to a lifetime worth of stuff. Stuff that was once important, now reduced to a burden that is weighing me down. It’s funny how we chase false ideals through social conditioning, only to get rid off it in the end, so we can shed the burdens of responsibility and pursue a “less is more” lifestyle. Even personal stuff and expensive stuff is going at this point and nothing is safe. It makes me wish that I could give some of it to my family in Germany as the kids sure could use some Make up and even some clothing.
But this weeding out and downsizing is not inclusive to material things only. Sadly it even applies to relationships and friendships that have ventured down different paths as well. It’s normal, especially when you move, and although I understand the dynamics and reasons, I still struggle with it and another inner child is waiting to be healed.
This move and lifestyle change is putting into perspective what is important and what should remain. You’d be amazed at how little is left and truly needed once you arrived at that point. I am grateful and no matter hard this is now, I do have a lot of options; truly being that creator and taking my life to where I see it fit. Maybe I will end up in that bus I’ve aways dreamed about, traveling the land, maybe it will be in an earth ship home or a tiny house. Maybe I’ll build my Mini Mansion. We shall see, but in the meantime a lot of hard work still awaits.
Here we go, off to the next adventure, whatever it may bring, and wherever it might lead.
This post is about surrender, of letting “it” be, and making a conscious choice. There is always some sort of choice to make, and life takes us on a wild rides, whether it is on a conscious level, or on an inner level. The one we don’t even notice, sometimes until quite some time later.
Carrying out troubles and burdens simply gets exhausting on some days and it doesn’t matter of what angle life comes at us. Sometimes we are just tired and feel that we have fought far too long. That perhaps we deserve a break. How nice it would be if things go smooth for once. It’s usually when our strengths fails, maybe during a tough patch, a time of experiencing a low, that we forget that our life’s greatest lessons and achievements come during those very difficult times. It doesn’t matter once we have reached that point and it’s hard to see your way out of it.
These times are enlightening, but also hard work. We are taken on a journey from being aware, awake, conscious of our actions, our reactions, learning our lessons, taking the honest look at ourselves, putting in the shadow work and inner child healing, to hindsight wisdom and acknowledgements. We hope to be conscious enough to make great choices, but even such soundness can change from day to day. What worked yesterday may not today as a new day brings new circumstances. Realizing such, brings awareness that each day requires much flexibility, within ourselves and how we tackle our day and our circumstances. No two days are the same and no two experiences are the same, even if they are similar. Chances are we are not exactly the same every day, and different emotions will yield different experiences and perceptions.
There is no constant in fleeting moments, and perhaps going with the flow prevents us to get stuck. New experiences will require a new skill set, and each opportunity brings forth new ways and possibilities. Even remembering that we have choices is sometimes hidden in the fog of life, in our mere daily existence. Life can take us the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Roses one day, a glacier of ice another. Both beautiful in their own way.
I have been an eager student riding those variants. I have learned that there is a reason for whenever those feelings come up. Some days they beg to be addressed and acknowledged, while on other days, I surrender them to the universe, and take a break from my goals and plans. I try to clear my head, to let it be, to not interfere and to take that much needed break. I leave the unfolding to the universe to orchestrate what’s next. I don’t mind to sit on the sidelines from time to time, believing and trusting. I offer up my agenda and accept spiritual guidance and everything that comes up for me during that time. I trust that there is a plan far greater than mine. Where I might have encountered lack and limitations before, there are also spiritual solutions and creative ideas. I step back and let life lead the way. Thy will be done.
Could we all surrender and give our troubles to the universe to sort it out for one day?
Beautiful words and artwork. Perhaps we can try to remember these words and wisdom whenever needed, for ourselves and the inspiration of others we come in contact with. Perhaps we recall them for a simpler and more beautiful way of life. Living our legacy NOW, while impacting our footprint and what we want to be remembered by. Read each line carefully and see how it applies to you. Is there anything that jumps out, something you’d love to work on or something that speaks to you?
Seek the beauty in life’s betrayals. For all is forgivable in this grand dance.
Find the courage to see through ugliness and be grateful for the reflections of each mirror.
For all is an archetypal character playing a part in your own blockbuster movie.
Give yourself permission to fail miserably. For all failures are seeds for your greatest triumphs.
Allow the mystery of the creative muse to flow through your bone marrow inspiring you to walk your dreaming path.
For all is lifting you from the slumber of your innate birthright.
Follow the longings of your soul. For all is an invitation to co-create synchronicity and magic.
Look deep within, find the stories you are telling yourself that are not true.
For the future is a Reanimation of the past with pen in hand you have a choice to change the script of your life story here in this now.
For laying dormant inside of you is the secret of secrets and treasure of treasures.