Does shabbiness matter and what does it really mean? I think I just experienced a time of shabbiness during my current transition from selling my house and moving into a tiny space. There were days, hell even weeks I wore no makeup and my hair was flowing wildly around my face in it’s natural state, or mostly put up during the heat. Could I qualify for shabbiness or was I just answering the call to embrace my natural, au Naturelle self? I don’t know and I guess it depends how you look at it. I don’t really see anything wrong with either or and everything has it’s time and place. And then I came across a little excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams and I couldn’t help but smile. It gave shabbiness a new face and what I gather from it is that it doesn’t matter what face you put on, whether it’s your natural state or beautified with makeup. It doesn’t matter what you wear, whether it be designer clothing or your favorite comfy bargain line. What’s important is that you are the same person underneath it all and nothing changes that. All you have to do is stay true and real to yourself. Do you see something else in this little passage, that Im missing? Take a look…
“Weeks passed, and the little Rabbit grew very old and shabby, but the boy loved him just as much. He loved him so hard that he loved all his whiskers off, and the pink lining to his ears turned grey, and his brown spots faded. He even began to lose his shape, and he scarcely looked like a rabbit anymore, except to the boy. To him he was always beautiful, and that was all that the little Rabbit cared about. He didn’t mind how he looked to other people, because the nursery magic had made him real, and when you are real shabbiness doesn’t matter.”
Boy, is it ever gloomy and dark outside today, despite it being daytime. My keyboard is lighting up as if it was a Christmas tree, as if it was nighttime, and rain is in the forecast for the next two days. Temperatures have plummeted from the upper 70’s all the way to the 50’s and 40’s with freezing marks at night. It seems like fall has come and gone without having the chance to truly peak. While some trees are just now changing, others are already losing their leaves and heavy wind gusts are stripping the remaining ones all together. Mother Nature is showing us how beautiful it can be to let go. Fall is such a short season anyways and I think I say this every year. This year seems even shorter and perhaps I feel this every year as well. I am hoping for an Indian summer to hold us over for a few more weeks, to help us adjust with the transition into short days and more activities inside. We will see what happens as each day is getting shorter and the darkness finds us sooner.
As I sit here this morning, it comes to mind how much of a homebody I am. How much I don’t mind being inside, surrounded by my favorite things, surrounded by my favorite space. Perhaps it’s something I have inherited from Mom, although she never had much of a choice. I wonder if she would have ventured more, had she been in the possession of a drivers license or a means to get around. For me, it is here, within the Tiny Abode that I feel I get the most of my time. That perhaps it can bring a sense and a feeling as if I had the power to slow time down a bit, not making it run and pass me by soooo fast. They say that getting older, time moves even faster, and it does. My uncle sent me an email the other day, titled “time” and it reminded me that time at some point becomes one of our greatest treasures and most valuable commodity. Being able to fill that space, that time with the things and activities of your own choice is priceless as we face our own mortality wondering how much time is left.
As I sit here this morning, I give thanks to the activities that fill my time. To being warm and comforted, sipping a great cup of tea, flavor depending on the mood, doing a bit of writing and planning, maybe listening to some healing frequencies, a movie shared with great company, cuddles with the fur-child, the laughs and even the tears that must come from time to time. I am sitting counting my blessings, meditating and practicing acceptance and gratefulness, or simply just taking a nap, is what it’s all about these days. The weather calls for soups and Chili’s, comfort food, as well as baked goods. A snuggle with a blanket can leave you feeling wrapped in love and light, and the trace of a smile on your face tells a story of contentment. Although it’s not a seasonal thing, I felt called to light a candle yesterday and let the aroma fill the tiny space. It is burning right now, again, and perhaps a daily ritual has been started and revisited. The soft flicker itself was soothing, even though there was nothing imminent I felt that needed soothing. It was merely setting the ambience, the mood, increasing the comfort already within.
As I sit here this morning, I give thanks to all of those things, but I’m also reminded that no matter how much I have grown to accept and value the gloom, the darkness and all it’s moods it brings forward, it leaves an eventuell yearning for the light, a need for the sun. It had a profound impact on me while I was staying in Germany to care for Mom for ten month, and there were times I did find myself as if under a heavy blanket, suppressed, weighted down, almost depressed. It has to be another reason as to why it was so important to determine where I see myself in the Future. Plus the climate for the RA is a big factor, although I am planning to overcome this ugly disease once more, to take away it’s power, followed by a period of abstinence for many, many years. Maybe I should just put “for the rest of my life out there” to bring it to the universe, and why not. This is no time to be modest, I might as well dream big and I have paid my dues.
As I sit here this morning, I revisit my blessings just a little longer and remember all that is good in my life, including all that is transforming. I thank my body for all the miracles it performs each and every day for me. I send Prayers and loving energy to those in need, to those within the circle of my loves, and even the ones I have never met and whom I am not aware of. I give thanks for being able to work on a few simple crafts and to be filled with the gratitude of how much I enjoy the creation process and working with my hands. I am beyond tickled pink with the progress of working with clay for the first time and the idea for an original piece of art that will have many different faces and incorporates some of my favorite materials, such as items found in nature, merino wool, leather and feathers to name only a few. It’s only the beginning and the imagination is running overtime right now. I am beyond excited because I can see the vision and what it might look like when it’s done. I am grateful for finally having answered my uncle in an extensive email after he reminded me ever so gentle that “hey it’s been 3 months since I last heard from you.” That very email titled time, reminding us of our own mortality.
A few other projects are still lingering and need attention, but I am doing it. My second Covid dose is due this Saturday and I hope all goes well. I struggled a bit with the first one and I am sure the indecisiveness and unrestful mind didn’t help in the matter. Yet it is what needs to be done so I can travel, and that’s that. I won’t give it more energy than it deserves by giving it my time and worry. My own feelings take second row in this instance. I thank the people that are in my life and who have remained through the storm. Who seen ME, the real me through thick and thin, and who have stayed by my side. You are a mighty but small bunch, old and new and you enrich my days whenever we meet. Be it in person or through energy and vibrations. It is you who show me how wonderful it is to have friends and family, and it is also you who have shown me my own independence and that the comfort and friendship we seek sometimes is already present within ourselves, with nothing missing.
I prayed and cried for a stranger the other day, a person I have never met. I don’t even know her first name, but I don’t have to. Everything is energy and vibration and we can feel just as connected to someone we have never met, as to someone we have known in person all of our lives. At least that is what I believe. And it’s a little like when we send a Reiki long distance healing to someone we have never met in person. We connect to their energy and it’s as powerful as being in the same room with them. With it without physical touch.
One of the most important guidelines as a Reiki Master is to protect your own energy so you don’t absorb negativity and burdens that are not yours to carry. I know that I feel too much at times, too strongly, and too deeply. Maybe it gets me hurt at times as I feel these emotions as if they were my own. I had to learn to recognize what’s mine and what is not. It is however who I am, and I don’t want to change that or ever lose that. It’s what makes me, ME, unique and special in my own way. Therefore I believe that whoever or whatever made us feel a little too much, a little too deeply and a little too strong, deserves a moment of our time. They deserve our laughter as well as our tears to honor them and to let them know that they matter, whether they know about it or not. My stranger has no clue that prayers and tears were shed for her, but I know that the universe carries my love for her and her family directly to her.
I guess you could think and say that my heart is wide open and not protected at all with this mindframe because I was all over the place as I learned about her, feeling so strongly about this person I have never met. She is the Mother of a soul connection I recently made and she is ill and entering palliative care. Her heart is weakening and she is refusing medication. A do not resuscitate order is already in place and power of attorney was also granted. All things I am no stranger to myself. Things that evoke memories that allow me to relate at such a special and profound level.
My soul recognizes this stranger who doesn’t feel like one at all on a soul level, and I don’t need to know her in person to see her in all of her glory. I feel her vibration, I can feel her light. She is a light worker, sent here with a mission. She is here to bring change and she is leaving a beautiful legacy behind. She has done beyond well and I only need to look at her beautiful daughter and the extraordinary human she has raised to see part of her glorious mission. I asked her permission to connect with her spiritually to see if there was something she wanted to share. I got a great sense of peace form her. She is an Angel on earth, and she is at peace with that her mission here on earth is nearing it’s end. There are no retreats and she is content. I feel warmth and nothing but love coming from her, but she is tired. She is at ease and couldn’t shake the sense that she is ready for whatever comes next. I can’t ignore her feeling of surrender, and that her time is near. She has picked this time for a reason, and slight interventions and distractions are on the way to help ease the transition, not only for herself but for those left behind. I hope that I am wrong and prayers and light continue to flow from me to her and all of the family during this difficult time. I wish her strengths and courage, bravery and peace of mind. May her heart stay content and know what a wonderful job she has done when that moment of transition arrives. I will continue to pray for her and connect with her in spirit, sending love and light her way to ease her thoughts and feelings.
In the meantime, a new light is entering this world and my soul sister is about to become a Grand-momma to a beautiful baby boy. My heart aches for her in this time of mixed energy, emotions and feelings. I see the similarities in her and me and remember back to the day as my Mom passed, and my cousins daughter birthed her first baby, a boy as well. Such is life someone said, and one enters this world as another has to leave. Picking this time is no coincidence and it’s a time when not only sadness is present but also the joy of a new life entering this world. A way and a means for love to reincarnate with a new mission to carry on. It is perhaps one of the most unselfish gifts a mother can give her daughter to help her cope through the loss and the grief that is life changing. Grief is permanent and grief is love unexpressed. Again I remember back and I too had my flight booked already as Mom got ill the last time. I talked to her via FaceTime, telling her that I’d be there in a few days, to hold on and hang in there, that we will make it through once more just like we did before in the prior year, and that she’d be healthy again and that I would bring her home, despite of not knowing how that could have ever been possible. Home for her meant out of the nursing home she was living in for the past 1 1/2 years. Tired, she looked back at me, nodding, too weak to speak, too weak to look convinced, signaling me that she believed in my words. We hung up and she passed that evening. It was the last time I saw her alive. Often times I felt that she choose this moment to let go because she couldn’t have done it with me sitting by her bedside. It would have been too hard, for her, and for me. I wouldn’t have known how to let her go and she wouldn’t have known how to go and leave me behind. She would have wanted to hold on, but she knew it was her time and she was tired of being sick, tired of fighting for a life not worth living. She hated the nursing home. In the end she gave me an unselfish gift and she left quietly and alone. Something so many of us are afraid of. To be alone, whether it is during our living state or during our last moments. Again, I hope that these similarities and my intuition is nothing more than coincidence, although I don’t believe in coincidences. There are no ordinary moments, but I pray that this one never comes to fruition. I hope that she will be around for many more years to come, to shine her light on all of us and see her family grow.
And as far as protecting myself and my energy, I know how to do that. I know how to cut the chord, how to sever ties, disconnect from what’s not mine to carry, burn a piece of paper with words and watch them dissolve into thin air. I know how to hold a little ceremony of letting go, of cutting bonds and repeat until nothing is left. I know all of it and yet I choose to not use any of it. I choose to feel. I choose to feel too much, too strongly and too deeply. In this very moment. I feel that at times it is necessary that we feel deeply, that we carry compassion for another, that we lean on love as it is the answer to everything, whether it is self love or the love for another. Even a stranger. We don’t need to cut ourselves off and cast a magic spell to disconnect. We need to be there, present, for them, and for us because it is what humanity is all about. And being human is not always easy, convenient, or pretty. It ugly and heart wrenching mist of the times and it takes guts and glory and a heart that is beating full of love. A heart that loves unconditionally, that is wide open and that is not afraid to get hurt occasionally to benefit a greater good. It takes hard work and if you dare to go the distance you might be rewarded with a peace of mind, a knowing that you did the right thing, that you were unselfish, that you gave all of yourself, that you were genuine and caring, and are now able to live with no regrets, no “what if’s” and no “I should have’s.” And so what if it’s not in your immediate circle, someone you don’t know in person! Connect to the energy that binds us all together and make a change for the better. We are all one and there are no strangers.
Please join me in a collective prayer for this beautiful soul to ease whatever has to come and to let peace and love flood her being. Please take a moment and pause, while sending love to the family and to everyone near and dear, affected and connected to her. Maybe you know someone yourself that needs a prayer. Maybe it is you who needs one. This goes out to you. Please take a moment and give yourself some unconditional love while sending your a prayer to someone in need. 🙏🏼💙
I have spent quite some time with the Crone lately. She intrigues me and inspires me on my journey of becoming her. New material keeps popping up everywhere about her. Things I am meant to find. Things meant to stir and guide me along. Just like this prayer…the prayer of the Crone.
“We are the women who sit between the mountains and the sea, between the earth and the stars.
We are the women who see the white hair of the Ancient Mother lying on the mountains.
We are the women who lie beneath her cloak of night that encompasses the land that sleeps.
Ancient Mother of the stars, of the winter, of souls. We are the women who remember you in our hearts and in our wombs.
Bless us so we may know you when the Moon is hidden. When our bleeding comes. When the winds are cold and the days are dark.
Bless us so we embrace the sacredness of darkness and to see the seed of the light that is to come.”
Raven spirit has kept me company lately, especially around the time of Mom’s Death anniversary. For a few days now, I have seen an increase in sightings, crossing paths wherever I go with this messenger. Whether I hear her crowing nearby with an urgency to get my attention or elsewhere, flying overhead in unusual sightings, she is always settling near me.
Raven / Crow keeper of secrets and knowledge, messenger from beyond the known, I hear your call. Shapeshifter, you move beyond the veil of the unconscious, I know you have a message for me. You who brings universal knowledge and mysticism to remind us that healing and rebirth is upon us. You who encourages us to use the darkness to fan and brighten our light. This time around, beautiful Raven, you remind me of a quote I recently read.
“Women are taught to be too many things that contradict each other so I’ve decided to just be strange and powerful.” ~Shatara Liora
Magic is in the air and something wonderful and special is unfolding. It indeed is and for weeks now I have felt that I am coming home. Not to a physical home, but home to myself. I have decided to be strange and powerful I suppose. I am remembering to be myself, whatever version that might be. The best version of myself or a version that is in progress, it doesn’t matter as long as I am authentically myself. Everyone else is taken anyways so why would I ever want to be something or someone else! It doesn’t matter who is accepting and who is understanding. It doesn’t matter who wishes I was someone else, who points out flaws, there is no need to defend, but only to allow, accept and move on. This is a time of synchronistic events happening, but there is no need to figure them out. Just noticing them and appreciating them for what they are is enough. And merely doing that is quite magical if you ask me. A big change is on the way and coming soon. Yes it is and the story, my story, continues. I am feeling it with every fiber of my being as I continue to prepare myself for the harvest. Something that has been out of balance for a long time is realigning, breathing fresh air into the stagnancy of the past.
The Raven Code
Hail Odin, Be true to thy self, Seek knowledge, Be wise, Make time to play, Be a friend to the wolf (my best friend is a wolf), Do not fear death, Find the light within the darkness, Use cunning trickery to defeat your enemies, Soar high, Discover new mysteries, Make every moment magical.
Always remember that you are the Magic and you are nothing short of magical.
It’s that time again, and like every Month we are soliciting insight about which spirit animal will step forward to support the energies for the upcoming month. Let’s take a quick recap and see what happened so far this year. I started this little ritual in March, a time when I felt that I needed a little extra guidance, so this is where we start.
March: Hummingbirds message was to “Be here now”
April: Armadillo urged us to “Set healthy boundaries”
May: Groundhog found us telling us that it was “Time to let go”
June: Grasshopper appeared motivating us to “Take a leap of Faith”
July: After all the hard work Horse spirit ensured us that “Freedom was ours”
August: Buffalo promised that “The abundant Universe would provide”
September: Armadillo made a reappearance to set further boundaries that were needed.
Now, we are entering the month of October, and Stag Spirit has come forward to tell us that it is time and to “Take the lead.” To me it is much in line with the recent Harvest Moon, a time to reap what we have sown. A time to harvest. Take the lead is not exactly a message to sit back and wait, but it is a message that we did our groundwork and that our goals and endeavors are supported. It tells us to leap, to lead and to step up. Whether or not you have set your intention to lead, you may have found yourself suddenly called to step up to the forefront of your life. Stag Spirit is a reminder that now is a time to heed the call to be sure, strong, and compassionate. Others will look to you, and you have it within you to see through the eyes of Stag Spirit and walk with confidence as you take on the responsibilities that are yours now and model integrity in all that you do and in all your relationships. Be willing to see the best in others so that your compassionate heart keeps you on the right path. Stag Spirit wants you to know that your responsibilities now are to yourself too, for you are learning and developing new skills. The best in you is coming into view as you step forward with strength, knowing that spirit supports you as you compassionately take the lead. You are a model for transformation now, sharing your experience, strength, and hope with others so they may grow and discover their best selves too. What a gift you are. Stay humble and authentic, and walk your talk, for this is how a wise leader leads.
Have a wonderful month everyone and good luck on your journey and path.
Here is something to ponder and to really let the power of the words sink in. Take a moment to dream, make time for yourself. It only takes a minute, but it can have a huge impact for the rest of your life. How do these words apply to you/us? Are there things you/we would like to change?
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” ~Marcel Proust
In a world where we are constant learners, our vision has to adapt with changing times. When life happens and throws us a curveball, what do we do? Do we make lemonade out of the lemons we’ve been given or do we adapt and learn to see with new eyes. When was the last time you’ve witnessed beauty? When was the last time you’ve counted your blessings? When was the last time you saw through the eyes of a child in wonder and amazement?
Structure: noun The arrangement of and relations between the parts or elements of something complex. To construct or arrange accordingly to a plan. To give a pattern or organization to.
I am introducing something new into my life this week. I’ve never been one of great structure, planners and schedules. I’ve been the wild child going with the flow, allowing life to happen as it is meant to be. Of course this can only apply to an extent and some things need to be scheduled. But whenever there was freedom to let them unfold naturally, this was my preferred method of things. It strikes me odd these days given that I managed in retail for many years where those kind of things are highly rated. For a moment the thought crosses my mind that maybe this applies to my personal life, but then on the other hand, can we ever truly separate our professional life from our personal one? We are who we are, and we carry the same traits on and off the screen. It’s merely another thing, a thing of prior habits and the past, a thing I never paid much attention to.
To be honest, I am finding myself in need of a little more structure these days. The word came up while thinking about current goals and ambitions. I feel there is not a direct timeline attached on when I would like to see them completed. They just kind of exist, hanging there in limbo. Perhaps that used to be ok in prior years, but it is now that I feel a little structure could send me on my way. A way where these goals can actually be measured and where progress can be seen. I now feel that a little planning is important to keep us on track and to not let important things turn stale or fall to the wayside all together. Within this line of thoughts, I think about the book I want to write and at this rate I’d never finish in my lifetime. I think a little structure such as a writing day, for the book, could do wonders and may actually make me feel like something is happening. I have writing days now, but these are mainly for the blog and not my book, so it sits there and it waits and it waits.
I am looking to find the balance between structure and going with the flow and I think I might just found a way where both can co-exist equally without interfering with the other. For instance: I could have a weekly book writing day, but give myself the freedom, going with the flow of which chapter I feel like talking/writing about. I could have a daily Cinnamon and me exercise/hike day, but instead of allowing it to feel like a routine, I can give myself the freedom to choose our adventure and where we go. I think this can be applied to all things in our life, the things that need to be done, the things that are waiting for us on a daily and weekly basis, chores, tasks, as well as in general. Maybe we can breathe new life into the mundane and spice it it up a bit. Perhaps a little structure is beneficial, as long as we can bring a productive and happy flow to it. Perhaps it’s even fun. I think I will give it a try and see what progress can be made.
From September 27th to October 18th we are entering our last Mercury retrograde for 2021 and it’s all about relationships, and being peaceful and harmonious. It starts today, but in reality it’s been here all along. Peace has settled into my own corner of being, and I have shifted towards harmony, towards acceptance and towards letting go. I have reevaluated a few things and I have come to terms with a few things. Subject matters, big undertakings, letting go of dreams that were never mine, and even relationships and people. It’s done and yes I’m still standing and yes I am ok with it all. To not resist, to choose your battles, to accept and most of all to allow it all, without the need to justify and explain yourself is one of the greatest freedoms you will ever come to know, regardless of what painful injustice you’ve experienced.
This retrograde asks us to recalibrate our closest relationships and how we relate and communicate with each other. We are reviewing, rethinking, and we are revising our matters for improved balance. We are finding the fairness where it is required and we are lessening the grip of the past. It no longer has a hold on us. This is a time to expose what hasn’t worked for us. Here we decide whether we want to reshape and renew, or cut our ties and move on. How has our communication been! Productive, fair, respectful, efficient? Coming face to face with these questions is something we have seen all through the month of September as Armadillo Spirit suggests once more that we set Healthy Boundaries. We have first seen this message in April.
It seems that these cycles are repeating themselves now, coming to us in various ways and shapes as we peel away the layers and continue to shed what is no longer needed. Some intense conversations could be in store for us from the 5th-10th of October. We must be careful about what we say and most of all how we say it. Words can feel like a weapon when said in frustration and anger, something we might regret down the road. So a word of advice is to “Zip it” or at least think before you speak. At least consider how you would feel if your own sentence was told to you by someone else.
This is a time to continue our work, but it’s also a time to go inward and listen to our intuition. Don’t get so caught up on the goal that you are missing the process and the journey in getting there. And don’t get there by any and all means. The right way and unconditional love is the key, for its the only thing that will set us free in the end, with a peaceful mind.
Today I want to revisit our Triple Goddess from the other day and this post is mainly about the Crone. The dictionary defines her as a cruel, old woman who is thin and ugly, but who is she really? She is in all of us to some extent. I don’t see her like that at all and to me she is beautiful, the living embodiment of the Maiden, the Mother and now the Crone. Don’t see her as your eyes might see her, old, debilitated, with her prime life passed. See her with your heart. See the completion and the fulfillment of the Triple Goddess, the experiences, the lessons, her achievements and even her shortcomings. She has earned her wisdom and she has paid her dues. She didn’t get here by mere chance. She is forged of trial, tribulations, and errors. Pain has been one of her greatest teachers. Adversity has made her stronger and turned her into a Warrior. She has gotten up more times than she has fallen. She has a fighting spirit and she doesn’t give up easily. She knows how to be playful and nurturing, but she is often alone, and chooses her battles these days. She alone decides what is worth fighting for and what is not.
She is the Crone. The most dangerous, most radical, most revolutionary woman in existence. She exudes confidentiality and at times she is a threat to those, less confident who yet have to walk the path. She might intimidate as she knows exactly what she wants and only a strong, secure soul can handle her wild spirit as her partner in crime and throughout life. Whether in fairytales or in conventual reality, the old one goes where she wants to and she acts as she wishes. The filters have been removed. There is no one left that she needs to impress. She tells it how it is, without fear of who will be by her side. She lives as she chooses and she has long followed her own drumbeat. She is not afraid to stand alone and she has learned that a big part of this winding, twisting journey has to be walked alone. And it is as it should be. No one can stop her, nor ought they try.
