Trusting in ourselves

Sometimes we can’t see that we already have everything we need inside of us. We wait for someone to rescue us, for the situation to change. Surely it will pass and eventually it does. How we feel when that happens is more in our control then we could ever imagine.

Did we skid by, by the skin of our teeth? Did we find ourselves left behind broken and hurt? Did we see our vulnerability as a sign of weakness, hating it all together? Did we believe in ourselves, by looking at the lessons meant to be learned because we are exactly where we needed to be? I know the later is not an easy thing to do, especially when those lessons are painful and we search for answers that are never given. I also know we each do our best when it happens, and our reaction and outlook depends on where we are on your journey called life.

What if I could propose a different view? What if we should try something so out of the ordinary that at first thought it seems impossible and ridiculous? What would happen if we tried to embrace those events, if we hugged our pain, if we trusted in ourselves, and understood that every lesson in our life is for our higher good? Here is what leads me to that conclusion and for myself this concept has worked. It’s a work in progress, a labor of self love and learning to trust in your abilities. But it’s worth it and I hope you remember this the next time when faced with adversity. 🙏🏼

“The real treasure of life, the one difficult to find and hard to attain, is never far from us. That’s an unwritten rule on this earth. What we desperately desire and need most is buried in the recesses of our innermost being all along. This is the open secret found in many traditions and told in many ways. Yet it remains a secret because trusting in oneself remains one of the hardest things to do in life.

~Michael Meade

Art: Tigray Tsitoghdsyan

Step by step

Picture from our little hike near Hallstatt, Austria.

While many people make New Years resolutions at this time of the year when everything is new, I was wondering about my own. I came to the conclusion that it was ok to not have big goals in my life, that it was ok to not have plans to manifest. To not chase dreams and be left exhausted trying to achieve something that perhaps wasn’t timely. What something else came to mind that I found relevant for myself, my own motto or New Years resolution of we want to call it that.

Do you know that hiking is a bit like life? The journey only requires you to put one foot in front of the other…again and again and again. And if you allow yourself opportunity to be present throughout the entirety of the trek, you will witness beauty every step of the way, not just at the summit.

Movement is important for me in my fight with the RA (rheumatoid arthritis). Not giving up is essential and putting one foot in from of the other is key. To keep going, even if it’s at a snails pace. To be present and make the best out of the journey represents my core beliefs. To work on my level of presence and growing my awareness to an even higher vibration, is my goal. To seek beauty with that new awareness and a set of new eyes brings magic to my day and a gratefulness that fills my heart. And lastly I want to take as many people as possible on that hike of their life’s, paying forward my experiences in the hopes of helping others in their due time.

Step by step. ❤️

Coddiwomple

I picked up a new word for a new year, and it only seems fitting. It’s a word of English slang, a word I have never heard before. The word is “Coddiwomple” – to travel purposefully toward an as-yet unknown destination.

This word immediately spoke to me and would be correct for me . While much purpose has already been restored to start 2020 on the right foot, while there is new found energy and motivation flowing through my veins, while there is excitement and a curiosity of what lies ahead, the destination of my path with it’s future is not fully visible yet.

But there is movement after a period of stagnation, a period of just riding the waves and letting everything be with little interference from me. I know that that time has served it’s purpose, but I also know that this time is past now and a more co creator approach to my future is needed and required. And therefore I travel with new intent and purpose towards my coddiwomple, wherever it might be.

Picture of Rothenburg, my favorite village, and an outdoor, circular stage.

Giving grace

Just take a ride in your car. What do you see around you? Poverty is normal and sadly not rare in the surrounding areas to where I live. Just drive a few miles and it’s not unusual to encounter someone in a position of dire straits. Sadly many, often perfectly capable people, or so it seems abuse the system and even make a living holding out their sign. Some get aggressive and pursue you, even talk nasty to you when things don’t go their way. But then on the other hand, how do I know what they are going through, things are seldom as they seem. By saying so I am passing judgement, and I forget that everyone has a story. Surely they have one too, and while they appear perfectly healthy to me, there maybe many underlying issues that prevent holding a normal job. Heck, am I any different? Some days going for hikes and doing great and other days struggling to put on my socks.

But anyways, what I was trying to say is that many needy people, holding out their signs get missed in this town because it is a normal sight. Including myself, I too have driven past these people in need with no particular feelings at the time. But today and another time before stood out and without words I felt somebody’s story and hardship without knowing the details. It was in the silence that got my attention, the unspoken words, the non pushy behavior, some sign that got my attention. Something, but I felt it.

I was on my way home eating a fried chicken strip from the store, as I saw a man standing at the corner. I never fully read his sign but immediately got a feeling from him. “Anything will help” it read. Out of the two chicken strips I only had one left, and still felt hungry. It wasn’t a matter of deciding and I knew right away that he needed it much more then me. I pulled over and almost felt embarrassed that this one chicken strip was all I had to give him, but I remembered the words on his sign. “Anything will help.” I reached the bag out of the window towards the man that most graciously accepted it and thanked me. Already my eyes filled with tears, and I was so overcome by this unknown to me story that I couldn’t help myself but send a blessing his way. Something was special about this man and something touched me to the core. This has happened before and I can’t explain it. It is one of those stories, one of those moments when you just know it all, without ever having to speak a word. And it was right then and there that I decided to look more consciously for those moments in 2020. To make a difference for others on a different level. To never forget how blessed and fortunate I am and to share and help at an even greater level to those less fortunate.

Hours later the experience of today and the man from the corner is still with me and I truly hope that he is ok tonight.

Being gentle with myself

It’s hard to believe that three months have gone since Mom’s has left this world. For those of us left behind, it’s been a time of pain and heartbreak. A time of sorrow and loss, a time to adjust and perhaps get used to the truth of never hugging her in the physical again.

It’s been a time of raw feelings but also healing. A time of coming to terms that some questions will never be answered. I have learned a lot in these three months, having experienced death as an adult. It was so much different compared to losing Dad at the age of ten. I was simply too young to comprehend it fully at that time and work through the patterns of grief and loss.

Today I know that I am not the same anymore. I can’t say that I have changed in a negative way, but this pain that has cracked me wide open, has also allowed more light to enter my soul. Going through this experience has ignited my flame even higher and stronger, despite the pain nearly diminishing it several times. More than ever do I know that it is a process, and more than ever do I take care of myself by given it the time to go through those steps. Pain and darkness often lead to enlightenment and brighter days. And because of it I ride the waves of my emotions by staying on top of them. For the most part….

Here is what I would tell you from my own experiences, and this is for anyone who is trying to cope and heal.

It’s ok if you thought you were over it but it hits you all over again.

It’s ok to fall apart even after you thought you had it under control.

You are not weak. Healing is messy. And there is no timeline for healing.

Be gentle with yourself.

The primary goals of life

Surely you must have some goals in life! Something that keeps you striving, something that keeps you motivated. Take a look…how is that vision coexist with joy and your life’s purpose? Is it your purpose to be successful, become rich, attain a status that others admire or could even become jealous of it? Will you still recognize your true friends when you have achieved such said status?

As it turns out, there is a way to love with joy…with wealth…with LOVE…and tremendous generosity. Here is some good for thought,

The ancient sagas of India described 4 primary goals of life:

Dharma – Purpose

Artha – Prosperity

Kama – Pleasure

Moksha – Liberation

The sequence here is quite important. Notice, that purpose precedes prosperity. It’s not, once I’m prosperous, I’ll find my purpose…

It’s once I ACTIVATE MY PURPOSE, I’ll experience TRUE PROSPERITY.

Blessings of our time

Right now there are Tibetan Buddhist monks in a temple in the Himalayas endlessly reciting mantras for the cessation of your suffering and for the flourishing of your happiness.

Someone you haven’t met yet it’s already dreaming of adoring you.

Someone is writing a book that you will read in the next two years that will change how you look at life.

Nuns in the Alps are in endless vigil, praying for the Holy Spirit to alight the hearts of all of gods children.

A farmer is looking at his organic crops and whispering, “nourish them”.

Someone wants to kiss you, to hold you, to make tea for you.

Someone is willing to lend you money, wants to know what your favorite food is, and treat you to a movie.

Someone in your orbit has something immensely valuable to give to you – for free.

Someone is being invented this year it will change how your generation lives, communicate, heals and passes on.

The next great song is being rehearsed.

Thousands of people are in yoga classes right now intentionally sending light out from their heart chakras and wrapping it around the earth.

Millions of children are assuming that everything is amazing and will always be that way.

Someone is in profound pain, and a few months from now, they’ll be thriving like never before. From where they are, they just can’t see it.

Someone who is craving to be partnered, to be acknowledged, to arrive, will get precisely what they want – and even more. And because that gift will be so fantastical in it’s reach and sweetness, it will quite magically alter their memory of angsty longing and render it all “So worth the wait.”

Someone has recently cracked open their joyous, genuine nature because they did the hard work of hauling years of oppression of their psyche – this luminous juju is floating in the ether, and is accessible to you.

Someone just this second wished for world peace, in the earnest. 

Some civil servant is making sure that you get your mail, that your garbage is picked up, that the trains are running on time, and that you are generally safe.

Someone is dedicating their days to protecting your civil liberties and clean drinking water.

Someone is regaining their sanity.

Someone is coming back from the dead.

Someone is genuinely forgiving the seemingly unforgivable.

Someone is curing the incurable.

You. Me. Some. One. Now.

~Danielle LaPorte via Mary Standing Otter

A matter of choice

When you forgive you live. When you let go you grow.

Pieces of me

I am pieces of all the places I have been, and the people I have loved. I’ve been stitched together by song lyrics, book quotes, adventure, late night conversations, moonlight, and the light smell of coffee.

Where it all began

It looks like just another day in the shire, my small, little village where I was born. It’s where Mom settled with her parents, fleeing from the war as she was five years old. It’s where Mom and Dad roamed the streets, fell in love and later married.

How Mom loved her little village. She was a loyal supporter of the church and other projects, and even outside her village she would regularly donate or purchase goods from from organizations of a good cause.

This is were it all began and where I first saw the world. In the Valley at the foot of rolling hills, called the “Petersberg.” In the foreground is the St. Veit church and the cemetery where both Mom and Dad are now buried and remain in the village they once fell in love with.