The rewards for all your hard work

I love this website that calls themselves Source messages. As new motivation and inspiration is pouring in, I take comfort that we are ALL on track. Here are a few excerpts and I hope they speak to you as they do to me.

You needed to do shadow work because of the people and things you attracted into your life at a time when you really hadn’t understood how energy worked yet. But at the same time, unbeknownst to you, you were also doing light work. Manifesting good people. Good experiences. Without knowing how energy worked. Simply because of the good natured person that you are. You can do all the work on yourself possible, but nothing will benefit you more than the innate nature of who you already are. Loving, grounded, helpful, your foundation has no cracks and it shows.

Don’t we feel this? Haven’t we worked hard on building the solid, on facing everything we had to? And we overcame all, some with flying colors, some with tethered feathers, but we are here and the rewards are waiting. I feel it and I know that good things lie ahead of me. All the years of preparation, it is finally time to sit back and enjoy calmer waters. Well almost, I still have a few battles ahead of me, but I can see the end and it’s no longer a matter of “where in the world do I start.” What is next is falling into place naturally and with each step, life becomes simpler, as well as more beautiful. And if you are still not convinced, just listen to this.

Perhaps there were times you din’t know if you were coming or going. Life was unjust, and your experiences overshadowed with darkness. The world was never prepared to accept the character you created for yourself while you were in survival mode. This is why now, as you continue to delve deeper within and uncover the previously hidden parts of yourself, the universe responds in kind. You’re going to begin meeting people who love you as you are. They’ll want to invest in you in all ways professionally, relationships, friendships, because your value rises significantly when you’re being the authentic and raw version of you. It’s unique. There’s no other you. The real you. Continue to unravel. The world is craving it and what a time it is to be here to experience it.

Contact has been established – let’s do this together

I’ve been sitting a lot in the company of spirit lately. Although not physically here, Mom continues to come around and she makes it known that she is here with the flicker of a light or other shenanigans like it. Her favorite seems at night when I go to bed and set the phone onto the iHome docking station. The light goes off and I tuck myself in. Most nights, without a touch, the phone turns back on and lights up for a few moments despite the do not disturb setting in effect. It’s as if she is telling me goodnight and letting me know that she is here. We have taken several final walks together and this is another one that I need to do in her spiritual presence. I need her to understand, to accept and to forgive me.

I’ve been calling to her a lot lately and I think she knows that I need her. I can only hope that she can validate my decision to sell her house, and that she understands the reasons behind it. I know she always wanted me to take over the house, to come home and to uphold all the hard work she put in place over all the years. I am in no way and form physically or mentally capable to uphold what used to be her dream. Being truthful with myself, I know it is not my dream, which still doesn’t make this coming to terms thing any easier.

A “for sale” sign has been placed into the window and I got to text with one of the parties that has toured the house twice and committed to buying it. A direct contact has been established and I couldn’t be more grateful about where the house will end up. Hopefully once all the details are cleared. So far we have agreed on the sell price and a lot of understanding and sensitivity has been placed around travel and what I have to do to clear the house. It was even offered to be sent remodel pictures so I can see the progress. The offer was very sweet but will be one of those bittersweet moments. However, the curious and the will to know is greater than the fear of going down memory lane. I think it will provide some peace for me at some point, although I will always remember that it should have been me doing this, and that it is how Mom envisioned it. I hope I can let go of the disappointment she must have felt about me, of the feeling of being let down. I hope that Mom will recognize all the loving work and dedication that is going into the house she loved so much even if it’s not coming directly from me.

My covid booster shot (yeah, don’t remind me) is due or available I should say on March 9th. I think it will be essential to take care of this before I go. Not to prevent anything as we all know it doesn’t, but for the sake of politics. I am afraid that the rules will change once more and I might face trouble coming back if I’m not fully vaccinated and boosted. So better safe than sorry, at least in that respect. Plus I am hoping it is literally giving me a boost like it did the last time. I don’t know if I could dare to believe it was a coincidence (yeah, we know I don’t believe in those) that after the first dose the RA improved. After the second shot I even hiked the Wave. Almost unimaginable right now as this temporary high has worn off. But if I get another after the booster, it will come in perfect timing.

I am planning to give myself until the end of May to get everything done. That is if the buyer will allow me this much time, which I hope for and need. And for at least that time, the blog will fall silent and I won’t be able to write. The occasional wifi connection might allow me here and there to stop by, but my time needs to be committed elsewhere. I know you understand and I already here you telling me to take all the time I need. I will write and pin a final post before I go and finally get this contact page done in case you need or want to make contact with me. Until then, I’ll keep you posted as I hang onto my seat. Life is changing rapidly.

Ready or not – our lessons are waiting

Ready or not, life often finds a way whether we believe that we are ready or whether we believe that we don’t. I am still pondering, engaged in a recollective mode, processing this year we just left behind. It feels as if we left it behind on the calendar that dictates that a new year has started, but in actuality I believe that the past year was a year like no other. I believe that there wasn’t a soul left untouched in same shape or form, and it appears that we all experienced the impacts of it on our lives. Perhaps we will never be the same, the same we once were before 2021 marked it’s time. There are so many aspects to the year, so many life experiences, lifestyle changes and lessons that all fell within those 12 months. At least they did for me and it’s only from my own perspective that allows me to speak and name these changes. They felt powerful and important, so it’s only right for me to re-process them and look for hidden gems that might have not been obvious the first time around. I am looking for the deeper meanings and I am scraping beyond the surface. It’s almost mind boggling to look at hindsight, and yet the picture has never been clearer. Perhaps it’s that very reason that causes me to dwell, to stay for awhile and take inventory. It’s all right there and the lines are no longer blurred. Here I can marvel in the achievements and reevaluate the lessons and losses for what they were.

I think sometimes it’s not just a matter of being ready or not. We always talk about divine timing and one could assume that it is that particular moment, the perfect one, when we’re able to process the lesson and meat it head on. It’s a time we feel assured that we are ready for the lesson and the experience we must learn. But today I am thinking that this might be even deeper. Perhaps it’s a case that we didn’t want to learn the lesson at that time. Perhaps we knew that it was associated with pain and adversity, and believe me that all good lessons bring initially hardship and pain. Perhaps the saying of learning things the hard way was derived from such a belief. But can we truly fault this feeling of being ready or not in our mind, or could it also be a matter of choice, of not wanting to experience the pain associated with it? Maybe we are always ready, but a third equation enters when we choose not have the experience. And that is perhaps not always a conscious choice.

When I look back at some of these experiences and lessons over the past year, it feels like I am looking in on myself from the outside. I am thinking especially about the lessons that others brought and presented me with no choice. I can almost sense a certain degree of bitterness, of being presented with that lesson, out of my control, with no opportunity to choose it, being ready for it, (at least in mind) or not. Was I ready? I think I was but I didn’t necessarily want to have that experience. Not then and there, without being heard, without influence, without a choice. Seeing it from this side almost becomes a bit of a control thing then and I ponder if that was the problem. Was it a feeling of helplessness, of being thrown to the waters and having to learn how to swim in a crash course. Perhaps it was being fed up of the same outcome, of the lesson repeating until we fully learn it.

Fact is that we can’t choose some of our experiences. While there are many that we can, there are an even greater number of the ones that we don’t. The ones that are out of our control. The ones we won’t understand until sometimes years later when we can see the value of the experience. Whether we feel ready or not, we need to trust that we have the tools to process whatever comes our way and we do. We can do it whether we like it or not and that’s really a different story. And with greater resistance and feeling not ready, or not wanting to experience what must unfold for us one way or another, we involuntarily only make things harder for ourselves. I can see that I have gone through all of these motions. At times I hardened my heart, on others I just didn’t want to have this experience. I felt a great deal of contempt, a great injustice and unfairness that would justify my own feelings. We do learn the hard way and sometimes the teacher sees something in us and knows we are ready, even if the student him/herself can not see and believe it yet.

Is love ageless?

We know that love is universal, but is love timeless and knows no age? Does it change over the course of our life as we age? Of course it does in some sense but some would of my closest friends and acquaintances would say that love has changed in a negative way as they aged. Their experience is that they feel looked at differently now compared to when they were younger and when opportunities for love were abundant. In their later years, they have felt written off, almost discarded, as if they have nothing to contribute to love anymore. It makes me wonder what kind of stigma love has attached to it. Are there certain expectations of how love should be, how it should feel like and who is capable – based on appearance to deliver such a feeling! It sounds like a pretty said concept if that’s the case.

It is true that we are labeled “done” at a certain age as if we have become damaged goods. I believe the meaning and understanding of love grows with age, especially when we have learned to love unconditionally. Love is much deeper than our visual and physical pleasure. Love is language of the heart and the answer to everything. Gwen Stefani, front woman of No Doubt and further known as the woman that goes against the grain, setting her own milestones, has done it again. She has cemented her legacy more so by looking for love at the age of 50, a age that is considered old, with little left to contribute. Despite common beliefs she did her things and married Blake Shelton. Together they make an unconventional couple of opposites attract, of similar experiences and therefore they have found a happiness together like never before. Could this have happened at a younger age, in their prime, when love was suppose to be at it’s peak? I don’t think so and just like age, in my book love is timeless and knows no number.

Happy New Year

It’s hard to believe, I am writing the last post for this year. A year that was so hard on so many, and a year that has brought so much learning and growth to all of us. In silence and stillness I look back and give thanks to all that transpired, while looking ahead with a hopeful heart at all that is yet to come. My celebration will be quiet, spend in comfort and within a small circle. I am ok with it and perhaps my years of rushing outside into the freezing cold, chasing fireworks and parties are over. Today I much more enjoy the safety and warmth of a cozy space and there I will be, enjoying the moment and reflecting.

Much has transpired for me this year and as hard as it has been, it will always be remembered as a game changer. A year in history that changed a great many things for me, and made a difference. Again, I ditch the New Years resolution and rather carry on from where I am. From what I have learned and achieved so far. Well, perhaps this is not entirely true, and perhaps you could see it as a New Years resolution that I have vowed to myself to take better care of me from a nutritional standpoint. I was gifted a book “Healing Arthritis” and a new friend put together a wonderful autoimmune protocol for me. I feel it is time to build upon this, and I feel that there are things I can do better. Although I can’t see stress ever being completely absent from my life. Not for awhile at least, but even here, new developments are on the way to lessen the weight. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am content and at peace. I know that the pieces that still need work will fall into place one by one and 2022 will be another game changer year for me. I know that the worst is behind me, that I am no longer climbing that mountain, but I am rather on the downhill descent. I am excited for what’s to come and I know it will develop exactly how it is meant to be. So here we go 2022, I welcome you with open arms and look forward to all the lessons and all the gifts you’ll bring my way.

Happy New Years everyone. May you feel peace and love within your hearts. Tomorrow we will take a closer look at which spirit animal has stepped forward to support the energy for the beginning of our year.

The adventurous Moon-Child and coming to terms with yet another lifestyle change

It seems like the last quarter of 2021 has been a powerful time for me. A pulling it all together, an acknowledgement of all that has come to fruition, all that has been shed, including a newfound view on all that is yet to be. I am so much more at peace and I believe it shows when I look at this picture from just a few days ago. I have always displayed my worries on my face and it’s true that “the eyes are the windows to our soul.” Plus I usually have a little forehead wrinkle when I am worried or in pain. Now, this Moon-Child is preparing for the adventures that lie ahead. A year of new opportunities is dawning, a year of new adventures that will hopefully top this years lull and dormancy due to pain. More transitions are around the corner and I can feel them without being frightened or seeing them as intimidating or a threat.

In the meantime, two potential prospects have come forward and have shown interest in the purchase of my house in Germany. One party has viewed it already with the help of my cousin, and another walk through with an appraiser is scheduled for this Friday, the last day of the year. It remains to be bittersweet, and just coming to terms about selling it was a difficult Choice for me. My entire life I wanted to do right by Mom and I can’t see my decision being right in her eyes, so it was a matter of making peace with it and accepting that I had my own dreams to chase. And they were different than up-keeping the ones that were never mine. I struggled with so many emotions throughout this process, including guilt and being viewed as ungrateful. But who was truly viewing me? I must have thought of Mom in heaven and all I could was her further disappointment in me, not valuing what was so important to her all these years. Her house. It was quite a process to arrive where I am now, but now I am here.

To be truthful to myself and live honoring my higher self, I had to remind myself of who I am and where I am at this point of my life. This curious Moon-Child remains a soul that is always found wandering away from this world. She is a dreamer, weaving her future, being the co-creator of her life. She has become picky about what and with whom she spends her time. The is no more time to waste. In and out she creates, through every phase of her life, learning new lessons along the way, acquiring new skills and knowledge, turning it into wisdom and enlightenment. Eager, yet hopeful she faces each day, regardless of what it holds in store. She has a passion for life, for turning her challenges into powerful experiences that shape her into who she is meant to be. She finds a way to stay positive, even through the darkness and the pain, unlocking yet deeper parts of herself. She is drawn to the Moon, to the Stars, the Animals, and to Nature in ways that just can’t be explained. And no matter how dark life gets, she always find her way to the light. Adventure always finds her and she is looking forward to what’s next.

Qué será será

Whatever will be, will be. The future is not ours to see. Don’t worry, if it’s supposed to happen, it will.

I can’t remember when I stopped to interfere. When I allowed life to unfold as it is supposed to be. When I somehow incorporated the attitude and the motto that is Que sera sera. What I know is that while I consciously add layers of depths to this concept, it has helped me a great deal lookin back. In which ways…it simply makes life easier. At least it has for me. It has given me more freedom, a lighter heart and somehow more peace of mind. It’s as if a burden was lifted and responsibility has been taken away. I have become an observer, a philosopher, a co-creator. What I have shed is the controller part, the interference, the need to force things. It has never worked for me in the past.

As the year draws to an end, the time is perfect for new years resolutions, to wish for a perfect upcoming year, with certainty a even better one than the one we just experienced. Of course we are all hopeful in that way, it’s human nature, but can we appreciate it all…whatever comes our way? Can we truly waive goodbye and not worry while resting in the comfort of the unknown? Ahh, there it is…the unknown. It’s a frightening subject isn’t it? It can be, but here too, if you find yourself on the worried side, it’s perhaps because you haven’t bought into the concept that is Que sera sera. Maybe you are still holding on tightly to the reigns, hoping to control the outcome, while not being hopeful and optimistic. Maybe you have your doubts about the new year, maybe warranted, justified and rightfully so as you found yourself on a streak of bad luck and unfortunate events. Have you ever wondered about your experiences? Why you had them, what the point of it was and what you could take away from them? Have you felt that you had it harder in life compared to others, have you experienced more? Why do think that is, are some just born luckier? So with that question raised, have been able to let go of the negative ones or are they still lingering, hidden deep within you, banished to the darkest corner, hoping they will never resurface again. You might hope the won’t and perhaps you’ve even tricked yourself into believing it, but you know the truths, don’t you! Soon or later they will rise and come to surface, over and over, until you face them, deal with them and then let go.

Now is the time to waive goodbye. Perhaps you could consider a different route, perhaps something new. After all, how has that control thing worked out in the past, it’s exhausting isn’t it? It keeps us on edge, by the seat of our pants, on our guard and most of all, tense. This tension turns to anxiety and before we know it we have added stress and hectic to our life. who needs that! I think this concept and keeping away the stress has been a guiding post for me when it comes to dealing with the RA. I haven’t perfected it and at times I too struggle to embrace Que sera sera, but I try to remember as often as possible. To bring my awareness to it, to give myself that pep talk when I need it, and to cling on to the light during those moments of sometimes. For me it is one day at a time as too many variables don’t allow for consistency in my days. But with it, it allows me to practice this concept anew every day and my focus is not on an entire upcoming year. Not even a month or a week, but more like a day and even an hour. So here we go, Que sera sera, whatever will be will be.

Less time – my soul is in a hurry

Picture: unknown Word: Mario de Andrade

“I counted my years and discovered that I have less time to live from here on out than what I have lived until now.

I feel like that kid who won a pack of sweets; the first ones ate them with pleasure, but when he realized there were few left he began to taste them intensely.

I no longer have time for endless meetings where statue, rules, procedures and internal regulations are discussed, knowing that nothing will be achieved.

I no longer have time to support dumb peoples who, despite their chronic age, haven’t grown up.

My time is short: I want the essence, my soul is in a hurry. I don’t have much sweets in the package anymore.

I want to live next to human, very humane people, who know how to laugh at their mistakes and who are not inflated by their triumphs and who take on their own responsibilities. This is how you defend human dignity and move towards truth and honesty. It’s the essential that makes life worth living.

I want to surround myself with people who know how to touch hearts, people who have been taught to grow up with gentle touches of their soul.

Yes, I’m in a hurry. I’m rushing to live with the intensity that only maturity can give.

I don’t mean to waste any of the leftover sweets. I’m sure these will be delicious, a lot more than the ones I’ve eaten so far.

My goal is to reach a satisfied and peaceful end with my loved ones and my conscience.

We have two lives and the second one starts when you realize you only have one.”

The wish to have started sooner

Have you ever wished that you’ve started sooner? That you had taken the spiritual path earlier and had all “that time” still ahead of you. Time to feel with this intensity and to possess this kind of wisdom. That you had learned earlier how to navigate this life more thoroughly. Ah, yes…perhaps many of us have felt this way and had such a wish. A girlfriend once told me that she wished she would have met her current partner earlier in life. To perhaps still be at a age to have children together and simply to have had many more years together. I get it and I understand, yet life doesn’t work this way. Look at my own Mother who met my Father early in life and who lost him at such a young age and way too soon. He was her soulmate and they met early on in life, yet their future together was denied and he tragically died way before his time. Fact is there are no guarantees in life and often divine timing plays a crucial role. Perhaps at a younger age and with a lack of experiences, my friend and her partner wouldn’t have been able to appreciate each other like they do now. Everything has purpose and meaning, even though it appears like such a waste of time sometimes when so much time seems lost.

Life doesn’t happen in the perfect way and the position we find ourselves in now is because of the very lessons we have experienced. Life is a ride that twists and turns. Sometimes we enjoy the grandeur views and sometimes we end up in the darkest of depths. How many times did it take us to get lost, in order to find ourselves and our way? That’s what makes the entire experience even more fulfilling. At this point, your are doing better than you ever have before. You have changed, and you are turning out beautifully. You have changed for the better. You might be exactly where you want to be, but you are on your way. You are advancing in ways you might not even see yet and one day you will look back in hindsight and smile as it will become clear as day that you were exactly where you were meant to be.

These days you are fighting for inner peace whereas in the past you just accepted the chaos . You thought it was part of life, but now you are learning that it doesn’t have to be. You are waiving goodbye to this kind of energy and you are responding more from a space of stability. You are more in tune with your surroundings and what is going on. You have become picky and choosy with what and who is allowed into your life. These upgrades are changing your life as you become more forgiving, more loving, and more observant.

So trust that you are not late. The breakthroughs that are on their way to you wouldn’t be as special if you had them from the very start. This is all by design. In divine timing and exactly how it is meant to be.

There…

My dear friend Mark has left another powerful comment on one of my posts that triggered further pondering and ultimately this post. My initial post was about the Silence that continues to speak to me. Often times much louder than words these days. Old familiar subjects have taken on a new meaning, one that is deeper and is bringing a new level of enlightenment. I’ve mentioned that I have become somewhat selective in what I want to share, and often the need to share is not even existent. Things that previously demanded a reaction, no longer require a response and have turned into a mere meh….whatever….it is as it should be, and I’m fine with it.

Mark’s comment was “ You have become as one and can feel it all…but don’t have to speak or want to do anything…you’re already there.” Reading his comment brought a sensation of gratitude. It was like a validation for all the hard work I’ve put in over time. One that not only I have acknowledged, but one that was beginning to show on the outside. One that allowed my arrival to finally sink in. Like a movie on the silver screen I saw all the hours, days, months, even years of hard work and the preparation it required to finally come to the point of arrival. That particular spot, that destination that makes one say and realize “you’re already there.” There…

Never did I feel so good of having arrived at a destination that is not even a factual place. Where was this destination, that spot that I could not even point to on a map, how could this be explained in a logical matter? Thought #2, this isn’t a matter of logic, but rather a matter of maturity, a matter of the heart, a matter of becoming, a matter of raised awareness and at last a matter of the mind and realizing it all. And a matter of consciousness. And then it dawned on me and I realized that this destination is not a physical place. It’s not something you can drive up to or hike to, but it is something that takes place on the inside of you. Perhaps it is a stale mate between the battle of the mind and the heart. When one no longer interferes with the other and realizes that both sides bring important values to the table. When no longer a winner is required, but rather an alliance of coexistence and harmony is formed. It is then that we have arrived at the destination which in my mind is inner peace and an acceptance with all that is. It is then that we share our wisdom freely with a select few that can recognize and appreciate our journey. It is not for the sake of being heard, of being guided and reassured, but it is for the sole purpose to pay forward what we have learned and to ignite another torch of light for someone who is willing to walk the path.