This is the big, scary truth about trauma. Trauma permanently changes us and there is no such thing as “getting over it.”
The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger and not that easily put. There is no plan, no guideline, and not really a process one goes through. The best path is if you can allow yourself to feel it in all it’s grief and pain, no matter how hard it is. To let it go through you rather than suppressing and storing it for years to hold on to. Trauma is a major life disruption that leaves a new normal in it’s wake. There is no “back to the old me.” You are different now, full stop.
This is not a fully negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life – warts – wisdom, and all – with courage.
We can do this. We can lean on each other. And we learn from each other. Giving support, love and light, one person at a time.
Life changes. You lose love. You lose friends. Doors close and life will never be the same again. You lose pieces of yourself that you never imagined would be gone. Pieces you never even realized were such an important part of you. Pieces that become part of your story and need to be shared. You lose loved ones, only to find yourself forced to stand on your own.
And then without realizing it, a new light starts to shine and somepieces come back. New love enters your life. Better friends come along. New hope is running through your veins and new doors opens. And after all is said and done, a stronger and wiser you is staring back at the mirror.
Look closely my friends, you earned it all and you are amazing and beautiful.
Keep sharing your story and all its broken pieces. There is nothing to be ashamed off, nothing to worry about, and few things to hold back. Remember that sometimes it takes falling apart into a thousand little pieces to actually make you whole. And sometimes it takes getting lost to actually find yourself. No matter what’s going on in your life, which mountains you are conquering and which battles you are fighting, remember to share your story. You never know who needs to hear your words and who you might inspire.
I hope that one day you will do exactly that and share your story. That you don’t keep it ALL private and only to yourself. That you don’t take all your successes and your wisdom to the grave without having passed it on for future generations to benefit. That you share how you’ve overcome what you are going through at this very moment. Remember that mountains don’t rise without violence and earth shattering events. That behind every strong person lies a battle of which we know nothing about. One day when you tell your story, it will become an essential part of someone else’s survival guide. Wouldn’t that be something to be proud of!
Another anniversary, another painful memory. The last one in the cycle of one full year without you. Holiday, birthdays, special occasions, things have been different and surely not the same without you, Mom.
One year ago today, I carried you to your final resting place next to Dad. After many years you were finally reunited with who has always been the love of your life. It was a beautiful service and I remember it in a way as if only you and I were there. Everything was on auto pilot and I had my own pace. I didn’t hear or witnessed much around me, the things I worried about prior to the service merely fell to the wayside and lost their significance. None of it mattered in that time and in that place. Carrying you out of church, we almost lost all the proceeding people behind us, and gently I was asked to slow down to allow time for others to follow. I was in my own world. With you. This was hard. Setting you down on the side of the grave. Letting go. Of you, in the physical sense of relating to you in the urn I was carrying.
Today on the anniversary of your funeral, I remember that day and all the emotions that were felt on that day, the days prior, and the days that have come and gone. I am thinking about our beginning and the time when you carried me during your pregnancy. And I am thinking about the ending and me carrying you for the last time to rest for all eternity. I am thinking about your dash, the little line between the date you were born and the date you left us. How you lived your dash and all the times you were alive.
Today I howl with the wolves remembering you. May my heart always be kind and forgiving, never holding a grudge because of foolish pride or the ego. May my mind be fierce and aware. May I be conscious of all the special things, the miracles, and blessings that constantly surround us. May I never take life for granted and always make time for the people in my life. For I have learned over and over that I may not get the chance to do so another day. And may my spirit be brave in the face of adversity and never forget to get back up. May the warrior within me, like yours, never stop fighting and remain united in spirit, courage, and integrity….always.
We sure have a love / hate relationship. Well, maybe the word hate is a little too harsh, but there a definitely days I try to stay away from you.
You are a big temptress, luring me in with your smell that makes me smile. I love you with honey and heavy whipping cream. You’re so smooth and heaven knows that the first sip in the morning is the best one. Knowing this also makes it hard to resist you, and mornings without you leave me missing you. But you also leave me dehydrated, feeling blah after the high settles, and often with a headache. Even from just one cup. I have to admit that while I love you, I don’t care for this side effect.
Still I fear the struggle with your addictive personality will continue, and some days I will manage to not give into you while others I will falter under your spell.
This picture was taken from my home state explorations and adventures. It was out in the middle of nowhere, in Nevada. It is the second water tower I found with the same phrase on it and I always wanted to stop. I finally had the chance to do so and found it so fitting. It literally felt like I was nowhere, and had I truly got myself lost, I’d be darn lucky if a car came by this remote area. No phone service, just straight stretching highways as far as the eye can see until the road finally vanished on the horizon.
To me there various ways of getting lost and getting lost doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. I think it’s actually beneficial at times unless you find yourself lost in a scene like this. It can be a means to escape the mundane, a rut, routine, and the everyday task driven life. I’d even say that sometimes you have to get lost in order to find yourself.
PS. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers, light and love. The surgery went as expected and without complications. Uncle is resting, and the road to healing and recovery has started. You are the best and my heart is full with gratitude. 🙏🏼💙
I love the weirdos. The rule breakers. The strange, whimsical, outlandish, peculiar, and uncanny. The misfits and black sheep’s. The curious, unusual, eccentric, and unpredictable. The freaks. The radical, star gazing vagabonds. The dreamers who dream with eyes wide open. I love the loners and the rejects and you will find me rooting for the underdog every time. I see you, the warriors, full of spirit, who continue to get up more times than they have fallen. I love the outsiders that find the courage to march to their own drumbeat. The ones that see vulnerability as a strengths and are not afraid to open their heart. I love you, the one who struggles to fit in and fights for a place in this world. The optimist that stays positive in the face of adversity. You who is different and unique and special in your own way, contributing so much. The silly romantics not afraid to make a fool out of themselves and who ridiculously dream of changing the world someday… because they do and will.
Beautiful words and artwork. Perhaps we can try to remember these words and wisdom whenever needed, for ourselves and the inspiration of others we come in contact with. Perhaps we recall them for a simpler and more beautiful way of life. Living our legacy NOW, while impacting our footprint and what we want to be remembered by. Read each line carefully and see how it applies to you. Is there anything that jumps out, something you’d love to work on or something that speaks to you?
Seek the beauty in life’s betrayals. For all is forgivable in this grand dance.
Find the courage to see through ugliness and be grateful for the reflections of each mirror.
For all is an archetypal character playing a part in your own blockbuster movie.
Give yourself permission to fail miserably. For all failures are seeds for your greatest triumphs.
Allow the mystery of the creative muse to flow through your bone marrow inspiring you to walk your dreaming path.
For all is lifting you from the slumber of your innate birthright.
Follow the longings of your soul. For all is an invitation to co-create synchronicity and magic.
Look deep within, find the stories you are telling yourself that are not true.
For the future is a Reanimation of the past with pen in hand you have a choice to change the script of your life story here in this now.
For laying dormant inside of you is the secret of secrets and treasure of treasures.
Life is hard, no doubt, and in many cases out of our control, but not in all. Through the journey of life, I feel it’s the reaction to our experiences, and our thoughts that shape us and determine the amount of misery we subject ourselves to. Everybody is fighting an unheard battle we know nothing about. Add our own opinion to it and it can easily turn into judgement if we are not careful. Remembering this, we realize that beauty is skin deep and a kind heart over physical beauty is the measure of who we truly are.
During my career in the beauty business and running, managing a store, I have worked with many beautiful people. Sadly, beautiful on the outside only and beyond the facade on the inner levels was much ugliness to be found. I look back and recognize the battles they themselves must have fought. I don’t believe one just decides to be mean and full judgement. There are always greater forces at work. But I also believe that we have some control over our actions and the choice we make. An old quite comes to mind to put this into perspective.
“When you produce a thought that is full of understanding, forgiveness, and compassion, that thought will immediately have a healing effect on both your physical and mental health and on those around you.
If you think a thought that is full of judgement and anger, that thought will immediately poison your body and mind and the people.”
-Thich Nhat Hanh
Be good to yourself. You have more control than you think. 🙏🏼