Another view of last weeks storm and a little safe place within.
Another view of last weeks storm and a little safe place within.
It’s the end of January and the first month of 2018 has come and gone. Last night I sat, contemplating what the month brought. Was it a good year so far or was it bad, did I had an opinion whatsoever? I tried to come up with a conclusion and all I could say was that it was a mixed bag. Reflecting on January, there were many contradictions with emotions all rolled into one huge pile. But there were also revelations. Here are just a few.
I struggled to find time to write, although I post daily. I struggled to write about the things that matter, the things of substance that I want to talk about, and if some of you disagree, it would be very sweet and much obliged, but only appreciated if you truly meant it. It would confirm that my feeling are due to the high standard I set for myself, wanting to bring quality content your way that might help you in some form and way. Despite of my observations and standards, my Warriors Journey (my blog) continued to grow, with January being it’s best month so far. Thank you kindly, you make me feel special and valued every day.
Further this month, most of you know that matters with Mom distracted me and drained me. I literally felt mentally exhausted and often just vegetated away. I was unable to focus and concentrate on what I wanted to write. So in a way, time was there to be harvested, but I couldn’t take advantage of it. I indulged in the mind freeing activity of building a puzzle. It’s something I enjoyed as a child and it allowed my mind to drift and rest peacefully. I needed it to give my heart and overall being a break. I was hurting, literally, and by taking time out for self care, I thought it was an essential step for my well being.
It helped to a point, but eventually the RA pain has returned. I’m still managing without the harsh medication and I’m grateful for it. It’s a challenge on days and who knows, maybe damage is happening in some form, but I still can’t see contributing to more and luckily I still have a choice. Fingers crossed.
I’ve come to terms with a lot of things this past month when it comes to Mom. There is still immense pain, but there is also peace and I have accepted a few things for how they are. Sometimes we can’t have the things we want, and I know now that Mom and I will never have a Mother/Daughter relationship, at least not in the way I have always hoped for. She will never share her love with me or for me, she has it tucked away somewhere deep inside, and I can no longer chase it. You can’t force someone to love you and I’m sure she cares in her own way, just not in the way I always needed her to care. I’m an open book when it comes to feelings and I have to let you know before the chance to do so cease. Yet for her, feelings remain hidden and she can’t jump over her shadow. One thing is clear and that is that I have to go to Germany and I have to do it quickly. I will be shopping for plan tickets and hope to leave in approximately three weeks. Much remains uncertain and yet things couldn’t be any clearer. If she can’t accept me as her daughter, maybe she can accept me as someone that is trying to help and who just maybe makes her life a little easier. We will see if this is something she wants as well.
I think 2018 will be a year of chance for me and I spoke about it before. My old way of life has to die to make way for the new one. Life as I know it is changing, and I will have to lose it all in order to have it all. I know it and the cards (Tarot & Oracle) don’t lie. I will have to face darkness before I can emerge myself in the light. I have to struggle to be enlightened. Life has prepared me to arrive at this specific point, with many of you telling me that the road ahead will a tough one when it comes to Mom. I know it to be true, but I also know that I have to travel it. It is the very path that will allow me to leave the burden and the baggage behind, to overcome decades of guilt that has been placed upon me and which overshadowed my life. Facing the storm along this bumpy road will be liberating in itself and will bring me closer to my true purpose. There is no way around it and although there is much of what’s to come still in the fog, I couldn’t see it any clearer.
New cozy hoodie, same old motto…..
I will win. Maybe not immediately. But definitely.
In which way have you won lately? Don’t forget the simple wins, most things are not a given and could change in an instant. Did you wake up this morning and got another chance?
The storm rolled in and swallowed the mountains. I stayed on the sunny side, in the safe zone, at borderline between two worlds. My heart was calm, I watched the storm clouds sweep across the lake, while the sky was fighting for dominance. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that there is always something beautiful in every fight. I closed my eyes, I sighed, and I trusted that everything will find it’s way.
It’s Monday and what better way to start the week as with a little inspiration. For me, such inspiration often comes in the form of a quote that somehow speaks to me. At this point and time, it is forgiveness that strikes a chord with me, and it comes in the sense of not only forgiving others who might have hurt us, but also for ourselves and the unrealistic expectations/standards we often place onto ourselves. We are all pretty magical and superheroes in our own way, but I’m talking about the mistakes that we all make at some point. Every journey is different and if you believe that everybody deserves a second chance, then this one is for you. So give yourself a break, and without using this as a crutch or excuse, please do remember that nobody is perfect.
I’ve always had high standards for myself, but over time I learned to acknowledge and remind myself that I did the best I could at the time. Maybe I’d do things a little different if I had to do them again, but I have no regrets and know that those stepping stones were necessary for my growth. I forgive myself while I value the lesson, but most of all, I move on and don’t harbor in the guilt.
Forgive yourself first
Release the need to replay a negative situation over and over again in your mind.
Don’t become a hostage to your past by always reviewing and reliving your mistakes.
Don’t remind yourself of what should have, could have, or would have been.
Release it and let go. Move on.
There is always light within the storms. We may not always see it, but we can remember that the shadows always pass, as we stay the course with all our might.
Well, it looks like we got ourselves into a little reblog competition and I do have a great reason as to why I felt compelled to do so. Not only was it incredibly kind from Cyranny to reblog my original post about Hygge, a Danish word for cosines, but I wanted to repay her sweetness and send some love her way. If you have not been to her blog and you love to travel and learn about different locations and adventures, please stop by and be amazed by this talented, kind hearted writer.
Her reblog also made me think of something else I hope to start in the near future and I promise I won’t keep you waiting long. I think that we have a wonderful community here on WordPress and many of us have made friendships that go way beyond the average of reading a post here and there. I’m sure we all would agree that we need even more of it.
Thank you so much Cyranny for your kindness and for making my day. Xoxo 🦋💙
My dear Rhapsody has posted about hygge. I was about to make her comment box explode with the longest message ever… I couldn’t not say anything about it! What’s more Danish than hygge?? Uh…. Nothing. Period 🙂
So instead of leaving a long ode to Denmark and everything Danish on her blog, I thought I’d repost her! If you don’t know Rhapsody, take a minute to visit her, and tell her Cyranny says “hi”! She is the sweetest, and I know she’ll be delighted to welcome you!
Hygge – pronounced “Hoo-Ga” A Danish word that means cosines. It is a feeling more than a word – it is the ritual of enjoying life’s simple pleasures and making the ordinary more meaningful, beautiful and special. I always knew there was a word describing the magic and the wonders felt from the simplest of […]
My dear friend Irene left a comment on my recent horse encounter wondering what they had to teach me. I didn’t even think of it at first, but after reading her comment, I knew it was a special sign to see these wild beauties, and being allowed to get so close to them. I decided to post another picture of a prior encounter, and this picture reminds me of a special day. This one was on the way up to Virginia City where the horses roam freely and often cross over the road.
The signs are strong right now, or maybe I’m even more in tune with accepting this guidance. I still haven’t talked to Mom and she is not answering the phone. She has locked herself in and I’m hoping attempts to attain a key somehow have been successful to grant access to her apartment if needed. It might also be the very reason she doesn’t feel like talking to me and I wish she would understand that it is not because anyone wants to get into her business, but because everybody is worried about her. She has fallen before and laid there for hours without help, you would think she understands. Sadly not so, and while I’m worried and left work early yesterday out of lack of concentration and my mind being elsewhere, I know that some things are out of my control. Her choices and the decisions she makes are one of them.
But here is the so said picture of the beautiful wild horses with their spiritual meaning.
Horse: You’re about to embark on an unexpected adventure and will have to move very quickly once’s it’s initiated. It’s time to free yourself from those physically and emotionally constricting aspects of your life. You need to call upon reserves of stamina and strength to get you through this ordeal. You’re much more powerful than you think you are. This situation requires strong warrior energy, balanced with sensitivity, patience, and compassion. Teamwork with your family, friends, or community is important right now.
Could this message be any clearer? Wow….time to wear the warrior bonnet once more and channel my inner warrior.
Hygge – pronounced “Hoo-Ga” A Danish word that means cosines.
It is a feeling more than a word –
it is the ritual of enjoying life’s simple pleasures
and making the ordinary more meaningful,
beautiful and special.
I always knew there was a word describing the magic and the wonders felt from the simplest of things. If you can feel the simple joys, the moments money can’t buy, and the memories that are made during the times when we are stripped of all luxuries, you might as well consider yourself richer than many and say hello to your higher self.
This is the first time that I have heard this word, and I feel it’s meaning in every sense of this peaceful image. It was a stormy day and I found myself borderline with the storm clouds and the sun. To the left was a puffy clouded blue sky and sunshine, while to the left were storm clouds that engulfed the mountains and covered everything in mystery. I felt Hygge deep within while watching this beautiful balance of struggle as the snow was gently falling from the sky.
A glimpse into a long closed Saw Mill that dates back to the gold rush era. The mysteries this place must have seen.