Signs of purification, change and transformation

The signs remain strong, and if anything, they might have become more frequent, but haven’t let up in any way. These days, there is never a doubt and nothing is left to coincidence. Everything unfolds at what seems to be the perfect time and how it is meant to be. I don’t question fate and everything has meaning and finds it’s purpose along the path of my journey. Ready to reveal itself and ready to be noticed, it is an adventure and a very personal experience. The journey fills with moments of recognizing what is meant to be noticed. It could be something out of the ordinary or something that simply all of a sudden makes sense. It’s a feeling of knowing, a reassurance in times of doubt, while yet in others, it is the guidance needed to show me the next step, waiting to be taken. The timing is perfect, whether it is understood or hard to realize and nothing appears out of the perfect timeframe and in the wrong moment. I’m not even sure if I fully understand the last sentence myself and it entails great detail, depths and complexity. It goes back to an old quote that the teacher appears when the student is ready and without interference and trying to alter the outcome, I choose to allow things to unfold on their own terms. That doesn’t mean that I always understand the things that might not be favorable, but I always believe that I’m ready to learn the lesson that they bring. I’m wondering if these signs have always been there and how many times I have missed them in prior years. I know that my awareness has grown during my period of self growth, and with more awareness these signs are easier to notice. From the spirit animals that randomly make their appearance, to synchronicity that quite frequently belongs into my day to day life, I’m aware with a sharpness unmatched and at a level never felt before. 
On a recent hike, three spirit animals entered my life in a very unusual way. 

First came a frog that hoped out from underneath the brush and sat directly in front of me. You could think it would have waited for me to pass, shy, laying low, but instead it jumped in front of me and paused. Even while standing upon him, he remained still and did not move. The symbolic meaning stands for cleansing, rebirth, renewal, transformation, metamorphosis, life mysteries and ancient wisdom. Should I be surprised anymore?

The second one was a snake in the water and within a close distance, peeking it’s head out while looking at me. A symbolic sign for change and that it is time to shed my skin to emerge a sleeker version of myself. Metaphorically, for letting go or losing the old in order to start anew. A smoother life lies ahead. 

Lastly was the dragonfly landing on my arm and just hanging out. More signs of my personal journey and transformation to reach my full potential. Metamorphosis and the search for personal authenticity, symbolic of the light but also the illusions. Raising awareness of false deception and intentions. 
Life happens fast sometimes. I’m ready for what’s next….

To be a wanderer and go home

In pursuit of the missing link

It’s Independence Day here in America, and a nation is celebrating this federal holiday that marks the Declaration of Independence some 241 years ago on July 4th, 1776. It’s a day of celebration, parades, baseball games and BBQ’s, it’s a get together for friends and families, filled with fun, picnics, family reunions and concerts. It’s a crowded day with people flocking to the outdoors and so will I, even though my objective will be slightly different as I won’t attend any BBQ’s, but seek to celebrate in solitude, quiet and peace. For the first time in years, I’m actually off during the 4th of July holiday celebration and I have to say that it has a bit of a different ring to me this year. My friend Marcus in Germany even made a comment about it which brought this timely occurrence, parallel to my life even more to my attention. Personally, I have always been pretty independent. I learned early on to hold my own, to be responsible, to rely on myself and to have a back up plan or nest egg for when the unforeseen becomes visible and strikes. While I would label this behavior more as being responsible, I realize it’s connection to independence and today I’m dreaming about a missing link that will close and complete the triangle in addition to responsibility and independence.

Picture taken from Pinterest 

This holiday celebration has a personal meaning as I dream of taking my Independence to a whole new level in the near future. Just yesterday I mentioned my aspiration of going Going tiny in a huge way and wrote about all the recent school bus sightings that have entered my life. I was so “Gung Ho” yesterday that I was itching to buy that white shuttle bus. Today, I already changed my mind and the vision has slightly changed or perhaps got even clearer. I guess it’s a good thing and there is a reason why they say to sleep on it before making major decisions. I realize that it was the lifestyle that got me so anxious, ready to pull the trigger, I’m so intrigued and thank it’s an amazing thing, a sign of what’s to come in the future. What changed about the white bus, was my realization that it was just a little too pretty and looks too much like an RV, or touring bus, which in my mind lacks character and coziness. I want the rounded roof, not the square box and I want it to be whimsy and full of character. It’s got to be a place where fairies live, be the lair of a wanderer, a free and adventurous spirit that is no longer tied to schedules. It will be an eclectic mix that has to support my love for the Boho lifestyle while resembling a collection of unique memories that are tied to experiences. It has to be unconventional and unique, designed and laid out by visions and dreams, as well as it needs to be personalized based on preference and a sense of what is important. Every piece inside has to have significance and bring joy, it has to evoke a smile, a memory and something that feels good. With limited space there is simply no room for anything else.

Picture taken from Pinterest 

With this Independence Day I celebrate the process. I believe that I’m on track and that I will obtain the missing link by taking the next step of what I call the completion and closing of the triangle that forms the pillars to the foundation of this project and to my dreams. To find the link which will become key in setting my soul free and on fire at the same time.
It is happening already and I feel the change, I feel the detachment from the Wishing well and perhaps it is time to draw another card and do another oracle reading.

I believe that with great “Responsibility” & “Independence” will come great “Freedom” and I have to give it my best shot as only I can chase my own dreams.

Finding clarity within the fog

It was a scene of mystery and make believe. 

For the active mind, it could easily have been the stuff of horror movies, but for the visionary and dreamer, the artist and romantic, it was a place filled with surrealism and beauty. 

Standing amongst the trees, I was surrounded by variety. Some tall and some short, some bent in gnarly twisted ways, while others formed a straight line to cut through the chase and get right to it. Each one with the common goal of reaching for brighter skies and to stand proud and tall. The place itself was an unexpected surprise and it had to have been one of my favorite moments from my recent trip. Somehow it always pans out to be moments like these, the ones that just happen with little to no planning that steal my heart. 

There was something mystical about the rolling fog that settled in from the ocean and perhaps it was the atmosphere, the feel of it that left me in magic and wonder. Always a great combination if you asked me and very addictive on top of it, I might add. I couldn’t get enough of how much natures added element transformed the little trail. It was a short stroll from the campground down to the beach as my pace slowed and gave into the scenery that begged me to take more time. I found myself walking through this fairytale wonderland, eyes wide open, new visual treasures and surprises hiding around every bend, it was a place of discovery while the fog was adding drama and intensity to the feel. 

I saw the mystery giants (trees) as far as the eye could see, reaching far into the gray misty sky and disappearing all together in the thicker layers of fog. Faint silhouettes were visible in the distance as the mist was slipping through the foliage of the ever changing scenery. Perhaps one could get lost as the reference points kept changing and lost in the sense of the moment was all I was willing to be. New trees became enshrouded, while others peaked through and became visible. It was a constant play of give and take, with mystery and clarity, a continuous cycle repeating over and over.

I remembered knowing people in the past who didn’t particularly cared for the fog, developing such a dislike for it that it bordered on the edge of triggering depression. I don’t live in an area prominent to fog and I enjoyed every moment of it. I found it to be beautiful and magical, mysterious and haunting, serene and soothing all at the same time. A perfect balance of intrigue as well as a little fear. The fog offered a soft cover, disguising otherwise harsh, sharp or dangerous conditions. The world became a little more comforting and strangely less demanding. 

It was my artistic mind that allowed me to drift further into this make believe state. I was reminded of little red riding hood, wearing a red cloak as she was walking amongst the gnarly bend and the straight, facing the fog of the unknown with such intuition, instinct and confidence that it never appeared spooky or daunting. I don’t know where this vision came from and what might have reminded me of it, but it seemed to be the perfect place setting for it. Right besides her was a beautiful gray wolf that unlike the fabled fairytale, presented no threats and tricks, but was rather a companion to her. Not to be mistaken for a cuddly pet as he could easily offer fierce protection if called upon, bet there was no need and he remained a partner in crime to her wolfish, raw spirit. Strong he stood as a token of coexistence and that everything is possible. Always…

I watched the red cloak and the wolf glide over the forest floor without making a noise as my own beautiful fabled tale was playing out in my mind. I watched the distance between me and my fairytale visions become greater as the shilouette of little red riding hood and the wolf got smaller. Almost gone, eyes still fixed on the red magic, I suddenly realized that I was watching myself. I don’t know who the wolf was by my side, but I don’t have to fear it big and bad and know that I have my protection. I’m sure there is more meaning to this, meaning I might not understand yet and time will reveal the message and the lesson that transpired. 

What I took away immediately was that the fog reminded me that I don’t always need to see the whole picture in order to enjoy the things that are visible right now or which are to be found around each turn. Do I really have to have control over everything and what could be if I surrendered to what is in front of me? Would I find it difficult to adapt to its ever changing form? Have I not done so already or is it that I’m embarking on the next level that will deepen the experience? Could I allow it to lead me down the path, to enjoy the magic appearing out of nowhere as it did in the foggy forest amongst the giants….what a delight it would be. 

It was within this foggy scene that I saw clearly and remembered that clarity never really leaves us. It’s merely a matter of perception and what we choose to see, how much control we need to feel so we find safety in protecting our vulnerability and our heart. And it was within this foggy scene that I saw clearly that none of this matters to me, that I will be who I am in the continues hope to inspire and leave my mark in a positive way. 

And lastly this foggy scene inspired the newest thing to be acquired in the line of random and unusual things that I want and feel drawn to out of the blue. And it is that of a long red velvet cloak to feed the artistry vision within to someday reinact the scene playing in my mind that I somehow feel will hold some significance over my near future. 

W stands for all things wild

When I think of the letter W, various things come to mind, but especially things that are close to my heart. It’s for the first time that a correlation appears, that I’m connecting the dots and that I see a vision emerge about those things. I checked it off to coincidence, until something started to click and awareness set in. I’ve noticed that every single word associated with the letter W, in my mind and what they mean to me, all had something a little bit WILD about them.
For starters, my trip to the ocean is drawing closer and the adventure begins on Wednesday. No rules….
I think it will be a wild one and if everything fails, I’ll blame it on my hair that with certainty will take on something wild. I envision it already. Beachy waves, sea salt and the the sun. Wild enough right?
W is for wildflowers. Another thing I’m hoping to capture in my pictures is the exploding landscape that fills California with wildflowers. The added moisture from winter contributed to make the wildflower season extra prominent. It can be seen from space. How wild is that? Just imagine hillsides covered in bright yellow for poppies and purple for lupine. It has to be a sight to behold.

W also stands for the wilderness. I am a frequent visitor and like I said before “My soul is at home” in the wild.
W stands for the Wild West and that’s where I live. Wild horses roam free here and wander through the high desert plains.
Let’s see, the list goes on and W stands for the decisions and the choices we make daily. I know it doesn’t start with a W, unless you remind yourself to make a few of them some wild choices. Do something out of the ordinary, forget the normal boring and make a wild choice that keeps your heart beating just a little faster. I promise you that in the end, it will be those choices that stand out and bring the biggest smile back to your face. I admit it has become a little of a life motto for me, so it’s no surprise that it is reflecting on my Instagram account which is named wildchoicez as I continue to push the boundaries of those special moments.
W stands for the warrior within me, who wears the war bonnet from time to time and who had to be strong for as long as I can remember. For it is now that I share my journey in this blog and in the hopes to empower my beautiful sisters and women, as well as my warriors everywhere who choose to get back up no matter how many times they have fallen. To fight another day and to never lose hope. The war is won, one step at a time.

The first letter of wisdom, W finds a special place within my heart. Wisdom is trial and error, gained from experience and the will to listen and see. To search for the silver lining and the lessons that are to be learned. To embrace the struggle vs. letting it define you, as it is only then that you can grow as a person into who you were meant to be.
W stands for my wilder mind and I have been blessed with a wilder mind. To be able to realize the uniqueness that we each hold inside of us and to not be afraid to be myself. To see something special in everybody and accept and celebrate the diversity we bring to the table. You are no threat to me, there is no competition and our strength lies within our differences. It’s a beautiful thing.

 

 

Wonder starts with W and my wish for myself and everybody around is that we may never lose our sense of wonder. To see the world through childlike eyes and play with abandon to nourish our soul.
And lastly (I’m sure I’m forgetting something else), I celebrate my other “Wolfish Woman Sisterhood”. You have reached a point in your life where enough is enough. You have walked the path of experiences and you know who you are. Strong and confident, perhaps intimidating to some, even though it’s not your nature nor intent, you just know what you want and you will tolerate less. There is no more compromise for it is all or nothing and you are aligned with your highest self. You are awake and you found your voice. You will and have been heard. Wisdom runs through your veins to feed those who care to listen. Your a gypsy, a wanderer, a free spirit with a soul so pure but strong, that brave is the man who loves a wild woman. ❤

 

Via sun-gazing.com

Childlike abandon

You might have heard me talk about childlike abandon in a previous post or two. Basically, it’s a way of reverting back to my childhood and to reintroduce a few childlike behaviors into my adult life. It’s a little like taking the edge off. Almost humorous and funny when you think back to your child days and wanting to be an adult. And now that you are an adult, you dream of less complex days and remember those carefree child moments. 

For me it is to simplify and enjoy my time, which in this case is usually time spent away from the mundane daily routine. It is my adventure time, the vacations and the little escapes which contribute to when I feel most alive. It’s a state of being that allows you to forget about your troubles, it let’s you dangle your feet and live in the present. If you have never tried it, please read on and find something that speaks to you, so you can give it a try at your earliest convenience. Make it a priority and realize how essential it is for your well being. Your soul will thank you for it with a deep feeling of appreciation and a deep stress relieving sigh. Ahhhhhh…..

I have a little getaway coming up starting next Wednesday. It’s a five day trip to the ocean that includes a concert, camping, hiking and mostly hanging out at the ocean. I am getting short timers and Wednesday can’t come soon enough. I’m giddy with anticipation and a short film about childish adventures is already playing out in my head as I add things to my adventure list. I’m not sure where I heard about “Childlike abandon” before, but I instantly gravitated to it and it has been a welcome escape ever since. It’s a balance if you will, to shed light onto tough and serious situations. And sometimes life has a way of getting serious all too often. 

(It’s almost ironic, but I wrote this post yesterday, just didn’t get a chance to post it. While I sit here and proof read it one last time, the storm clouds have already moved back in and circumstances change in an instance. But such is life, right? A series of tests and challenges that mold us into our higher self and life goes on.) In the end, even more reason to find balance….

So what does it really mean to nourish the childlike little girl/boy within ourselves? 

It is remembering back to your childhood, the times spent with less worry and responsibility. It’s an encouragement to throw caution to the wind and be carefree as much as possible. 
It is about forgetting your adult problems and allowing yourself to become a big child. I have frequently received this title and I wear it proudly. It’s not an insult to me and to me it’s rather a compliment and a attitude that gives me a certain amount of freedom. Attitude is contagious and perhaps more people could benefit from this approach if they would only allow themselves to drift. Forget about control for a moment. 

If you have children yourself, take a moment to slow down and watch them play. Hear their genuine and innocent laughter emerge from the bottom of their hearts. There is not a care in the world and it is only that moment that matters and which is to be enjoyed. There are no deadlines to keep and no time limits that restrain and rush. Go play out the role of a princess or be that mighty villain, get into your role and make each other squeal in delight. Harvest the feeling of pure joy and I promise you won’t be able to stop smiling. 

Play house, or cowboys and Indians like I used to with my Mom…we still talk about it today because it usually ended with us collapsing on the kitchen floor in laughter a d laughter is good for the soul. Pull out your stick gun and get into character, make sure your voice plays along with it and your demeanor matches your role. Feel the sense of wonder and innocence, the love for simplicity that is growing within. I bet it might leave you wanting more and more silliness as time goes on and the more you play the more fun you have.

Childlike abandon is creative and has something else in abundance which is imagination. Pure and innocent, it’s a true sense of wonder. We giggle as all trouble is removed from our veins and the sweet smell of life is intoxicating our senses. I feel myself drifting and find myself on a stroll through wonderland. Everything is beautiful and colorful. It’s a great day to be alive and life is filled with adventure and discovery.

As we grow up that sense of childlike abandon is removed and we have to act “grown up”. We have to be able to take things seriously and act rationally. Have you ever heard somebody say “Don’t be so childish”? Most likely it left you feeling insulted, as if you received a command to get yourself together, to focus and to be mature. Of course there is a time and place for everything and sometimes we have to be serious, but I would challenge you to never lose that childlike abandon. Life is much more and there is magic to be found everywhere. 

Here are a few things you can do to nourish your inner child
Live in the present and lose yourself to abandon

Forget about the money and the responsibilities for a little while 

Get lost in the feeling

Play without a care

Laugh with all your might and laugh a lot. Do it loud and unrestricted

Stay curious and live without limits

Do something a little wild, something perhaps out of the ordinary. Normal is boring and normal won’t stand out in your memory. So go for it and create the memories that will stay with you for a lifetime. (*personal fav)

Be that little rebel shouting “Rebel Yell” from the top of your lungs. 

Dance like no one is watching 

Build a great sand castle  

Jump into that puddle and get dirty (with or without rain boots 😉)

Fly a kite at the beach

Collect unique treasure such as seashells, rocks and things that connect you back to nature

Take a walk in the rain and let the tears of heaven cleanse your soul

Take a series of silly pictures to hold on to the moment

Take a bubble bath (lots of bubbles) and don’t forget to bring the rubber ducky and other bath toys

Never fully grow up and never lose your sense of wonder. 

Most of all have fun and enjoy yourself. Xoxoxo

 

  

Pressure points

Life pulls and it pushes 
It creates stress, it makes us crack

Life is a constant give and take 

A fight for your beliefs and knowing that silence is golden at times

Life is a delicate balance, a journey, unique with no two alike

Life is hard and yet life is beautiful 

Life is a dance between the shadows and the light 

Life is a series of pressure points that grow you into who you were always meant to be. 

Embrace the struggle…..

Where to now?

This picture was taken in 2009 and it was in the early beginning of my hiking days. I had only been hiking for three years and in large I was on a quest to figuring out this thing called life. You could also say that it was the beginning of finally feeling alive again and I felt that I had missed so much in my dormant princess sleep. Life had passed me by and all I had done was exist. I had a lot of questions and it was around the same time that I became an artist and started dabbling in the creativity aspect as a form of expression. Both became great passions that would help me balance my life and portray the things I couldn’t explain in words. It was the beginning of my spiritual journey to myself.

I had little to no direction and perhaps took a few wrong turns that ended in some dead ends. We all make our share of mistakes right, but I wouldn’t change it and I believe for me it was part of the process and necessary in order to make progress. The path was unclear at times and not always visible, life was foggy and scary. And from the looks of this picture, it appears that I didn’t always knew where I was going, haha. Perhaps I had to get my feet wet a few times to figure things out. And I am still figuring things out and I will never stop learning.

I feel truly humbled and honered to have been considered of contributing the post to Forgiving Fridays. It means a great deal to me and words can’t even express how thankful and grateful I feel. Thank you very much. 

Reflecting to reshape

It’s been a week of reflecting on multiple levels. A week that brought many thought provoking subjects in accordance to my recent post about “Timing, change and action”. It was a week of many contradictions, revelations and truths to be examined, and quite frankly it was a week that still leaves me a little baffled. I haven’t figured it all out yet.

It was a week of messages and signs, the pulls of an invisible web, the draw to something more that can’t be explained and put into words because it is yet to be understood. 

I felt tired and exhausted at times, mainly because my last vacation was September 2015. Tired in the physical sense but also in the mental aspect. Tired of the things that need changing and that no longer serve my life. Exhausted from the things that have dragged me down for so long and the vicious circle that needs to be broken once and for all. And yet, other times I felt stronger than I have in a long time. I was lucky I had both of my days off free to hiking and spending time outdoors. I tackled the trails without problems, in better shape and stronger then I did ten years ago. No rest needed on the continues climb uphill that stretched over three plus miles one way. 
I also had a few days in crippling pain and at times I didn’t know how I would make it through my shift at work. I felt the weather changing and the rain that was moving into the area. I felt the pressure drop and with it came the pain. But I also experienced a few days relatively pain free. At least compared to the pain that I have experienced over the past couple of weeks. In all honesty, there is always some level of pain, but it was so minor on these few blessed days, that I would consider them pain free. It was amazing, almost like claiming my life back, to realize the dream of thru hiking one of these days and to defy the odds of just making it happen. I pondered the days when I’m in pain, why and when, and the days when I’m free of it and feel better. Cause and reaction and I know what needs to change. I have arrived at the “action” point. 
I got to celebrate the birthday of a special friend in my life and I wouldn’t trade the moment. It has been a tough year (not my words) and I’m glad that I’m there in any way and form to make a difference. It’s a reminder of what is important and what truly matters, what life should be all about, what is good and what is missing to make these moments increase in frequency. 
I have been nominated for the versatile blogger award by a new sassy and feisty new follower. It never gets old to recognize the amazing honor which has been bestowed upon me and I feel humbled to be considered worthy. I’m grateful beyond words. Thank you. And yes, while I still have two other nominations pending, (I’m sorry) I will answer the call on this one to give my new blogger followers the insight they asked of me and to get to know each other better. It’s the least I can do while bringing attention to these new talents just are just starting out here on WordPress. Stay tuned….
My newest passion is that I have become obsessed with Tarot. Out of nowhere it is, but I believe it is another case of Devine intervention. The cards and the reading, the meaning and the guidance as if they have come into my life as yet another sign to help guide me on the path I’m meant to follow. People come into our life for a reason and I’m beyond excited to have a Tarot reading on Tuesday with a dear friend I met here on WordPress and who inspires me beyond words. I believe she is a part in my journey and is here to help guide me through the wisdom of the cards. My journey has been extraordinary and at times I feel as if I am walking a scene of Hansel & Gretel, following the bread crumbs left behind to help guide my way. Stay tuned, I can’t wait to share this experience with you and give credit to this amazing talent and friend. 
Another reflection amongst too many to mention was that there is simply not enough time for everything and if I want to make some serious strides, I can’t work full time. My job is getting in the way of what I need to do, it’s as simple as that. And yes, I have a plan. 

All in all it has come down to a choice and a decision that requires action. Here are the options….
1. Stay and continue on the same level as I have been will result in more pain, being a prisoner and peddling hard to stay on that ever faster spinning hamster wheel. For what? 
2. Or taking some drastic measures by jumping off that wheel to gain freedom, a life with less pressure and ultimately less pain. A life lived on my terms with more of the things that soothe my soul and bring happiness to my life. I might even live a little longer.

This should be a no brainer, right? Is there really a choice that needs to be made and which one would you choose? It’s just a matter of making the puzzle pieces fit in the right order. 

Approaching Wizard Island / Crater Lake Oregon 

Timing, change and action

If I could give my younger self any advice, I would probably say that timing is everything. I would remind myself that with timing comes change and the outcome depends on if we are ready to dig deep for the courage that will be required in the end. How many people do you know happy in their current circumstances? Most everyone is working on something and the numbers keep rising when it comes to people wanting to change their life. While timing will bring change, it also requires a little more sometimes in the form of the action from us to follow through. 
Timing is the beginning, from the way we interpret our surroundings, to understanding subtle nudges, to the signs and the people we meet, timing plays a big role. Everything happens for a reason and it’s no coincidence that the people that cross our path have a purpose as well. They are meant to guide us and steer us in directions otherwise not noticed. Have you ever wondered what role somebody plays in your life? Why you met and what their purpose was? Do you feel enriched or weight down in their presence? Do you feel calm or do they disturb your inner peace balance? The questions could go on, but have you ever taken the time to a knowledge what is going on and have you ever wondered? 

If you followed my blog for any length of time, you know that I am a sucker for quotes. I love the wise words of wisdom and the advice, that when read in conditions of right timing, can move mountains. Every once in awhile I come across a new one that resonates and that either validates my course or encourages me to get back on track. Here is one such quote….
“If there is even a slight chance at getting something that will make you happy, RISK IT. Life is too short and happiness is too rare” 
Powerful words that remind me that the timing has come and can’t be postponed for much longer. Change is upon me and all action has to start with me.