Posted in Authenticity, Awakening, Awareness

I Am Awake

This one was too powerful not to share with you. It spoke to me on so many ways and it sums it all up when we grow tired of explaining. I hope you enjoy this post, before this blog takes a little break and grows more silent.

“I say ‘Namaste’ because I like what it means, not because I am Hindu.

A lot of people here think I am a Christian because they think I talk about Christian values, but the truth is I am really talking about Human values.

I’ve been asked if I am a Buddhist, just because I have discovered inner peace.

A lot of my friends are Pagans, and they think I am one too because I say that being in Nature is my idea of going to church.

Do you really want to know who I Am? It’s very simple. I don’t need a label to define me.

I Am a piece of the Uni-verse, sentient and manifested.

I Am Awake.”

~Paulo Enso Hillman

Posted in Awareness, Journey, Life

Co-creating the future

Artist unknown

Everything that happens in our lives has purpose and meaning. It is equally important although some learning curbs are a lot tougher, a lot stronger than others. Yet everything is meant to be and serves a purpose in our development. How many times have I looked back over the last few years, only to realize over and over again that despite of the difficulty I experienced at times, everything had to be exactly the way it transpired. Everything that happened has led me to this point, to this mind frame, to this collective and to this understanding. It has taught me to embrace the pain of these hardships and not to let them stand in vain. And it has made me more grateful, more accepting, more compassionate, more forgiving and more loving of others and myself. Only when we truly understand the purpose of these events can we draw our lessons and break the cycle of repeated pain. Only when we do the work (Shadow work ), and face our demons, can we truly unload the burdens and become free. And once we do a beautiful serenity and inner peace settles into our hearts.

I feel that I have arrived at this point and the inner turmoil has muted quite a bit. Never before have I been such an active part of co-creating my future. At least not with such awareness of the consequences, walking towards a goal, a dream, a destination that I have chosen with all my might. A “final” (it’s never final) post is scheduled on September the 2nd to explain this new movement in more detail and as to why I have decided to not be present on this beloved blog on a daily basis. My attention is redirected and focused on a specific goal and project. It is needed elsewhere in this most important phase of my life, but I couldn’t do so before posting about the energy for September and which spirit animal will lend us their support. This is not a goodbye and I know that we will continue to cheer each other on from afar.

Posted in Attitude, Awareness, Happiness

A thought about happiness

Awe yes, happiness. What does it mean to you? Is it a moment, an experience, a state of being? How would you define happiness and does it hinge on outside influences and others?

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness does not depend on others and it is not their job to provide it to you. Don’t depend on it and don’t place the key to your happiness into someone else’s pocket. You’ll only end up disappointed.

Happiness comes in many shapes and sizes and is the spiritual experience to live in peace. To live every moment with love, grace and gratitude. To know that everything happens for a reason and that there are no coincidences. You are meant to have the experiences you have and meet the people that bring those into your life. Situations teach lessons and in the end will always make you a stronger person. One thing they don’t do, is define us and the past merely serves as previous teachings.

True spiritual masters know that it is not the situation that is the problem, but your reaction to the problem. What you think and how you handle things. How you interpret things that will end up causing your own stress. Once you realize that nothing out there can ever harm your infinite spiritual nature, then you will be able to see problems as blessings and an opportunity to evolve and grow. Wouldn’t you agree that this is happiness in the highest degree?

Posted in Attitude, Awareness, Choices, Pain

Sacred mornings

It wasn’t always this way and there was a time, many years actually, that I struggled with getting up early. Every minute was calculated when my day started to the sound of an alarm clock and I would stay in bed as long as possible. And I wasn’t a morning person at all. Not unfriendly but definitely not chatty either. After all my time was carefully measured and every minute was allocated to getting ready and out the door.

Being self retired now, I still sleep in here and there when my body needs to catch up from nights and days that are full of pain and little rest. It’s a freedom I am grateful to have and one I don’t ever take for granted. Mom taught me early on to save for a nest egg and with our combined efforts, I have managed four blissful years off the rat race and the hamster wheel. But it hasn’t always been like living on Easy Street and it’s not a life of roses every day. You have to be committed to different priorities and reevaluate what is important to you. For me it boiled down to change and knowing that it was eminent and required for survival and if I wanted to see a future.

Today, my mornings have become sacred to me and oftentimes I am up early, just easing my way into the day. It’s simply blissful when everything is still quiet and a new day is just starting. It is mornings like these when I am in little pain, that I harness this energy and that particular feeling to give me strengths for the days when I am in more pain. All too well I know how quickly a positive attitude goes out the door when I am struggling. Pain overshadows everything, it just simply does and it’s hard to hold on when those days strike. So remembering the good times, the mornings of bliss, a few hours in time that truly allowed us to be peaceful inside, are the best nourishments I can think of. Feelings carry us, good and bad, both are a part of life, but the ones we choose to hold on to when we are in the right frame of mind and able to do so, those are always up to us.

Posted in Awareness, Life, Self help

Checking in with myself

I have noticed that I more frequently check in with myself. I can’t tell when I started to do so, but I think it’s a lesson I took away from my stay in Germany. It was there that I had plenty of time working through feelings and allowing them to come and go as they must. What I took away is an even sharper sense of awareness, an internal dialogue that acknowledges, works through but doesn’t dismiss.

Checking in with myself has become a habit and only at times when I catch myself, do I become aware that I am doing it. It’s somewhat second nature, a part of my day that doesn’t have a schedule. It could be happening in the morning, in the afternoon or at night. Fact is that it happens and I think it’s a good thing.

So what does this check in with myself look like! It’s relatively simple and you could say that I analyze my state of being, my mood, my emotions and how I feel overall. It is during that time that my senses become keenly aware and I ask myself if there is something that needs to processed, worked on, perhaps released and let go of. Half the time it is that very awareness of acknowledging something that might be an issue or needs attention, that ends up dissolving it into thin air as if it was dealt with and released.

These check ins have been a gift to myself from myself. Call it self love or self help, we are always our biggest supporters as well as our biggest saboteurs. I think that self love lives in the heart while the sabotaging actions often come from the mind and overthinking things. These check ins can have a big impact on ourselves and how we process life and everything we experience. Knowing in your heart that you are worthy and deserving, changing a potential torture (self inflicted) into a blessing (also self inflicted.) Like our spirit Animal for this month, remember that you do have the power to activate peace at any given time.

Posted in Awareness, Journey, Life

Chapters understood

I knew that my trip to Germany would address many different chapters that I wanted to work on. It took a long time after Mom’s passing to come to the conclusion to sell the house I inherited from her. Going to Germany meant putting this conclusion into action which would turn out to be on a whole different level. Oftentimes the heart doesn’t catch up quite as quickly as the mind does, so even though knowing it was the right thing to do, executing it addressed a more personal, a more sensitive point. I would close the chapter of my family and childhood home. There would be no return after this. There were other personal chapters that needed attention such as finding closure, dealing with the loss of Mom nearly three years later, still, as well as other losses and chapters that needed to be put behind me.

For the most part I would say that I addressed them all, so from a rational, head-space kind of state they have been dealt with and closed. When it comes to the emotional side of it, it’s sometimes hard to put a timeframe on things like this. I knew that I had 2 1/2 months to work on these matters, and I also knew that the heart would have to catch up at some point, even most likely after I left Germany. You can’t put a timeframe on these things and say that by that time all is resolved. Life doesn’t work like that and it is part of the human experience. Again I say, these chapters have been worked, but I’d be lying if I said that the effects of these experiences still don’t linger from time to time. I feel that by no means do they have a hold on me like they once did, but I patiently work through the process of healing the heart-space as well and not just the mental space. What I have learned along the way is immeasurable and it is that very ingredient that is setting me up for success to overcome on all levels. I don’t try to rush it, but instead I trust the process. To be honest, what I am working on now is to dream bigger and adjust to the concept of being deserving and worthy. I know that I am and it’s not a matter of self confidence or the lack thereof. It’s a matter of adjusting to abundance and dropping the concept of hardship and challenging times, not expect to mg them to linger around the corner.

Posted in Awareness, Life, Wisdom

Wisdom that can change your life

Wisdom…everybody gathers it at some point along their journey. Some might even say something like “I wish I knew that earlier.” Yeah, hindsight is always a whole other chapter and soon or later it visits us all. Here are a few points of wisdom you might find helpful.

1. Words are powerful, use them wisely.

2. People come and go, but the ones stay.

3. You are doing enough even if it doesn’t feel like it.

4. Failure is when you don’t try.

5. Random acts of kindness make everyone feel better.

6. Live for today, not for tomorrow.

7. Never look back, there is nothing there for you.

8. Overthinking kills happiness.

Posted in Awareness, Compassion, Mindfulness

Meeting one another

Visiting St. Jakobs Church in Rothenburg o.d.T. with Dad

In a world mesmerized by speed and negativity, shaken by dishonor, and torn apart by violence, blessed are the moments we slow down to meet one another, to see the human struggle, and remember the bond that brings us back to our hearts, as LOVE holds us together.

~Susan Frybort

Posted in Awareness, Empowerment, Loss, Mom

Within your walls

I cry a lot when I am within your walls Mom. More than anywhere else. I suppose I’m distracted when I’m not here or when I’m busy. When sometimes out of the blue the door to your front loading washing machine opens as if it was touched by an invisible hand. I get the feeling it was your doing. It has never ever happened before, and I know it’s not just a coincidence. I know it was you, sending me a sign, letting me know you are here. I feel and see you everywhere. From all the strange noises and things that happen here, I am keenly aware that you are around me. So close, that often I cry for you because I can’t touch you and hug you. Like a lover remembers the touch and smell of a loved one, I can still feel your hugs. I can even smell you and feel the soft skin of your cheek on mine. As hard as it is, I now know that I made the right choice deciding on where I want to spend the rest of my life. I fear I am too weak to endure this sense of loss every day and I take comfort in the distance, not being exposed to all that is you at such close range. Even though I couldn’t carry you any closer within my heart. Here, in your home, the place of so much pain, your sorrow and hardship, it is here that it echoes the story of your life and brings me up close with the losses of mine. This loss will never go away, but I need the distraction of some distance. I can’t breathe new life into those walls, because these walls are not the same without you. Nothing can cancel this out, at least not for me.

I know you understand now and my heart has been an open book for you to see all there is. All the love, all the pain and yet, still the desire to go on and like you one day leave behind my own legacy. Not because I have to prove something, but because of the meaning and purpose I have worked towards. I am nearly packed now and I am taking little with me back to the states. Everything that is coming is special and there will be dotted reminders of you and my past throughout my future home, but I will also leave enough room to tell my own story. And what a story it is turning out to be. They say that there are three things a person can do to live eternally. One is to have a child. Two is to plant a tree. And three is to write a book. I am not going to make number one anymore, but I will definitely plant a tree and perhaps the idea of a book is now closer than ever. Maybe it wasn’t time to write it before, because there was simply too much of my story that hadn’t unfolded yet.

Posted in Awareness, Knowledge

Pivoting – We hold the power

Have you ever heard of pivoting? I didn’t either until now and for me it has a lot to do with becoming aware, and then choosing our course of action. Pivoting is described in a way that anytime you feel a negative emotion, stop and say “something is important here otherwise I would not be feeling this negative emotion. What is it that I want?” And then you simply turn your attention to what you do want. In the moment when you turn your attention to what you want, the negative attraction will stop. You are changing your stars and you are manifesting and attracting positive change for yourself. The attraction begins. And in this moment your feeling will change from not feeling good to feeling good.