I’m proud of (you)…me 😉

We had another doctors appointment with “Dad” last Monday and one today. He called it my first official family function since he has adopted me. It was a serious visit to address sores that are not healing on his one remaining leg. He claims that it started the same way on the other side and with added complication and an infected artificial knee joint, it sadly ended in amputation above the knee to safe his life. Of course it was our goal to avoid such from happening again. For the first time today we walked a serious road together, side by side, every step of the way since he wanted me to be in the examining room with him.

The visit went decent and much like expected or at least as hoped for. The scary thought of amputation were put to rest and are not on the forefront at this moment. The doctor seemed optimistic that there are other things that can be done to increase circulation and blood flow which therefore will aid the healing process. We have another procedure scheduled next Monday, with a check in prior that was this last Friday. Hopefully it will only be a 1-2 night hospital stay unless surgery is required which could then turn into 1-2 weeks of a hospital stay. We are hopeful and optimistic at this point.

At the end of the doctors visit, Dad made it a point to tell a story before leaving. I have heard him tell this story a few times already, and really he will tell it to whom ever gives him a moment of their time, but today it moved me in new ways, and perhaps it is so because I have returned to the living for while longer after being badly, ill. Maybe I truly heard it today for the first time, in the way he means it and the way it is intended to sound. The doctor already knew that I was his daughter as we entered the room as he introduced me as such, but now at the end of our visit he started to elaborate a little more. “You know I got to be a father once more at the age of 85” he said, leaving a puzzled look on the females doctors face. “Rhapsody here, I made her my daughter 14 days ago. She is the daughter of my deceased brother who tragically lost his life in a work accident in 1974. After the death of her Mom and my wife in 2019, I felt the deep wish to give Rhapsody a family again, a father that she never had and I’m proud to say that she is my daughter now” he exclaimed. As I watched him tell the story, and his eyes light up, I felt with all my heart how much this has meant to him. How proud he is to call me his daughter and it’s something I have seldom felt in this lifetime. It is something I always yearned for. I strived for it with Mom and I know that although she couldn’t verbalize it, I know now that she was indeed proud of me. Yet hearing it and seeing it in action, effortlessly, without even trying was something to behold of. And for the first I saw how touching this story is not only to him and me, but how touching it can also be to those who might hear it. The doctor was in awe and her heart was truly touched. She repeatedly placed her hand over her own heart exclaiming what a wonderful story it was, wishing us several times all the best. Time stood still for a moment amongst a hectic business life to acknowledge a action, a moment, a good deed, something that inspires and restores humanity. Today at least one person was very proud of me and he wasn’t afraid to shout it from the rooftops. It was a seldom felt, a new feeling that was making itself at home in my chest and it felt good. It’s a moment that will always stay with me. Here is to you Dad, we accomplished something truly unique and amazing. Something few can really grasp and understand but…We did it!

Wounded Healer

Sculpture: The wounded healer by Marija Gauci

She’s no stranger to loneliness..

No stranger to grief

No stranger to loss

No stranger to hurt

No stranger to shame

And it is because she is no stranger to suffering

That she can be the healing touch to all that come to her in pain.

If you ask her “Do you have any regrets?” “If you could change your past would you?”

She would answer…”I lived through some hard times, but I wouldn’t change one moment of it…

I was broken in order to open…

The compassion that now flows through my heart is the grace of the Divine Mother..

Nothing that I have experienced has been in vain.”

~Carline de Lisser

Slow progress

It’s been a week since I came down with this nasty bug that had me sleep for three days and three nights. Only slowly can I see little improvements here and there, but nighttime now poses a challenge. At first I could sleep whenever, now I get to fight coughing attacks as my body tries to expel all that congestion that is still stealing my voice and clogging my chest and lungs. It is worse when laying down as everything is settling then.

After four days of downtime I made it out of the house for the first time to drive “Dad” to another doctors appointment. I felt decent but the next day my body behaved as if I was experiencing a relapse for the worse again. Still I pushed on, one half hour of work, and one half hour of rest seemed to be the motto for the day. At least at a snails pace, I was still moving forward. And at least it brought a little peace of mind.

Wave pool

A special moment at the wave in Arizona. It still feels unreal that we got to see and experience this special place.

Apache Prayer

“Looking behind I am filled with gratitude. Looking forward I am filled with vision. Looking upward I am filled with strength. And looking within I discover peace.”

A perfect prayer to memorize the current journey and where I find myself these days.

Eat the rainbow

It’s pretty magical whenever a rainbow shows up in the sky and for many it’s considered a lucky sign as we imagine a pot of gold at the end of it and little leprechauns with cloves, dressed in green come to mind. I also heard of the wonderful tale that a rainbow consist of all the happy tears that people cried during moments of happiness. So perhaps you smile just a little more remembering this the next time you see one. But have you heard the phrase “Eat the rainbow?” It’s long known that fruits and vegetables are good for our overall health, but it’s also said that every color of the rainbow supports our health and organs in a different way, so take look at this list and see where you need some help. Let’s start with red and if you some help here, focus on eating red fruits and veggies, and so on.

Red – lycopene – supportive of the heart, blood, skin & nerve health .

Orange – carotenoids – supportive of hair, skin, & eye health.

Yellow – bioflavonoids- supportive of heart, vision, joints, tissues, digestion & immune system.

Green – chlorophyll – supportive of digestion, vision, bones & immune system.

Purple – anthocyanin – supportive of heart, blood, improves memory & nerve health.

Down for the count…again

It am trying so hard to keep a healthy balance and eat and do things that are healthy and good for me. It’s hard however and plenty of challenges such as no running water are one of the biggest issues I deal with. Therefore I don’t wash hands enough and the sanitizer has become my best friend.

It was last Wednesday, after the signing that I felt a little tickle in the throat. By Thursday evening it was confirmed that it wouldn’t go away and something was lingering in the bushes for me. Friday morning I had to cancel getting rid of the huge amounts of cardboard and electro garbage and it seems I’ve been sleeping ever since. Splendid timing and honestly it’s freaking me out, but there isn’t a thing I can do.

I couldn’t pay my last respects at a funeral and missed an important birthday. I haven’t let anyone come near me and today perhaps in between sweating and chills periodically, it’s been the longest I’ve been woke. I need to be healthy quick and to be honest, I’ve had a few scary scary moments, questioning if I’d get there again. I can’t remember the last time I felt this terrible. A few times I seriously wondered, hearing myself say “Is this how it ends?” I’m not out of the woods and I haven’t been this sick in years. It did say on the RA medicine though that it would weaken my immune system and compromise me being able to fight off infections. Yeah go figure…🙄

Carrying you with me

Mom”s little brooch on my suit jacket

Last Wednesday was the signing of the sales contract for the house. The night before felt strange, as if I was sleeping in the house for the last time as the rightful owner. After my signature there would be no turning back and a sense of finality made itself apparent. I struggled all the way up until that day, asking Mom to help me, to be present, to send a sign.

On the way to the notary I saw three storks playing in a field near the road I was driving by and instantly I knew Mom was with me. We have a special story about storks and counting over 50 one day. I also took her with me, wearing her broach on my suit jacket and I knew that we would walk this path together. We’ve shared a few profound paths together in the end, still alive and in death.

The signing took nearly 90 minutes and I felt nothing. There was no sadness, no relief, no remorse, worry, or else. I was numb, just doing what needed to be done. I knew part of it was shock, trauma, and years of fear processed and coming into reality. And I knew there was more to come and it wouldn’t simply bypass me in this sense.

Balanced Chakras

What people with balances chakras say.

Crown: I want to learn

3rd eye: I let go of all limiting ideas and beliefs

Throat: I express my truth

Heart: I welcome my experiences, they help me grow

Solar plexus: I create my own reality

Sacral: I am productive

Root: I am present and aware

Pick your poison and the power of choice

There is always a decision to make. We have the gift of choice. And when it comes to our energy and vitality we have more input that we might be aware of. Take a look at these examples of what either gives you energy to power through all of your must do’s, or what takes it away.

Let’s start with the energy givers: a glass of water, sunlight, nourishing food, exercise, laughter, cuddles with a pet, self-care, meditation, visualization, reading, music, fresh air, friends & family, creativity, writing, journaling setting intentions and even sleep.

Now let’s look at the energy takers: overthinking, screens & social media, clutter, dehydration, an inconsistent sleep pattern, possibly certain foods & alcohol dependency, people pleasing, setting unrealistic goals, unclear & sloppy boundaries, negativity, and going-going-going without rest.

Looking at the two lists, some issues especially when it comes to the energy takers may not be in our control especially when it comes to inconsistent sleep. My pattern might be the same as far as what time I like to go to bed, but the quality of sleep is not always there for me depending on the pain level I experience at that given time. But most of those things listed are powerful and simple things we all can implement more or less thereof. So here we go, let’s pick our poison and miracle drug. It doesn’t always have to be complicated and sometimes it’s just that simple.