Posted in Family, War

Another old gem

Another old gem surfaced looking through Mom’s paperwork. A picture of my maternal grandparents. Grandma was always a beautiful woman with great style, and grandpa was pretty handsome too, reminding me of Charlie Chaplin a bit. Together they had two daughters, my Mom and her younger sister who is my godmother. Together they have also seen and fought in the war, were prisoners and spent 11 years apart from each other. Grandpa was a prisoner of war and Grandma had to flee the country with Mom who was only 5 years old at the time. It was a miracle Grandpa found his family again through the Red Cross after he was released from prison, and life could continue as a family.

Posted in Human spirit, Life

Giving grace

Just take a ride in your car. What do you see around you? Poverty is normal and sadly not rare in the surrounding areas to where I live. Just drive a few miles and it’s not unusual to encounter someone in a position of dire straits. Sadly many, often perfectly capable people, or so it seems abuse the system and even make a living holding out their sign. Some get aggressive and pursue you, even talk nasty to you when things don’t go their way. But then on the other hand, how do I know what they are going through, things are seldom as they seem. By saying so I am passing judgement, and I forget that everyone has a story. Surely they have one too, and while they appear perfectly healthy to me, there maybe many underlying issues that prevent holding a normal job. Heck, am I any different? Some days going for hikes and doing great and other days struggling to put on my socks.

But anyways, what I was trying to say is that many needy people, holding out their signs get missed in this town because it is a normal sight. Including myself, I too have driven past these people in need with no particular feelings at the time. But today and another time before stood out and without words I felt somebody’s story and hardship without knowing the details. It was in the silence that got my attention, the unspoken words, the non pushy behavior, some sign that got my attention. Something, but I felt it.

I was on my way home eating a fried chicken strip from the store, as I saw a man standing at the corner. I never fully read his sign but immediately got a feeling from him. “Anything will help” it read. Out of the two chicken strips I only had one left, and still felt hungry. It wasn’t a matter of deciding and I knew right away that he needed it much more then me. I pulled over and almost felt embarrassed that this one chicken strip was all I had to give him, but I remembered the words on his sign. “Anything will help.” I reached the bag out of the window towards the man that most graciously accepted it and thanked me. Already my eyes filled with tears, and I was so overcome by this unknown to me story that I couldn’t help myself but send a blessing his way. Something was special about this man and something touched me to the core. This has happened before and I can’t explain it. It is one of those stories, one of those moments when you just know it all, without ever having to speak a word. And it was right then and there that I decided to look more consciously for those moments in 2020. To make a difference for others on a different level. To never forget how blessed and fortunate I am and to share and help at an even greater level to those less fortunate.

Hours later the experience of today and the man from the corner is still with me and I truly hope that he is ok tonight.

Posted in Death, Life, Loss

Being gentle with myself

It’s hard to believe that three months have gone since Mom’s has left this world. For those of us left behind, it’s been a time of pain and heartbreak. A time of sorrow and loss, a time to adjust and perhaps get used to the truth of never hugging her in the physical again.

It’s been a time of raw feelings but also healing. A time of coming to terms that some questions will never be answered. I have learned a lot in these three months, having experienced death as an adult. It was so much different compared to losing Dad at the age of ten. I was simply too young to comprehend it fully at that time and work through the patterns of grief and loss.

Today I know that I am not the same anymore. I can’t say that I have changed in a negative way, but this pain that has cracked me wide open, has also allowed more light to enter my soul. Going through this experience has ignited my flame even higher and stronger, despite the pain nearly diminishing it several times. More than ever do I know that it is a process, and more than ever do I take care of myself by given it the time to go through those steps. Pain and darkness often lead to enlightenment and brighter days. And because of it I ride the waves of my emotions by staying on top of them. For the most part….

Here is what I would tell you from my own experiences, and this is for anyone who is trying to cope and heal.

It’s ok if you thought you were over it but it hits you all over again.

It’s ok to fall apart even after you thought you had it under control.

You are not weak. Healing is messy. And there is no timeline for healing.

Be gentle with yourself.

Posted in Inspiration, Life, Spirituality

The primary goals of life

Surely you must have some goals in life! Something that keeps you striving, something that keeps you motivated. Take a look…how is that vision coexist with joy and your life’s purpose? Is it your purpose to be successful, become rich, attain a status that others admire or could even become jealous of it? Will you still recognize your true friends when you have achieved such said status?

As it turns out, there is a way to love with joy…with wealth…with LOVE…and tremendous generosity. Here is some good for thought,

The ancient sagas of India described 4 primary goals of life:

Dharma – Purpose

Artha – Prosperity

Kama – Pleasure

Moksha – Liberation

The sequence here is quite important. Notice, that purpose precedes prosperity. It’s not, once I’m prosperous, I’ll find my purpose…

It’s once I ACTIVATE MY PURPOSE, I’ll experience TRUE PROSPERITY.

Posted in Europe, Photography

Icy Blue

A shot from Gosau, Austria. It was chilly and the frozen snow cracked loudly beneath our footsteps. But the landscape was pristine, casting this icy blue hue onto the land. Quiet, without disturbance there it laid before me, while I breathed in the cold crisp air, admiring the beauty of mountains, glaciers and alpine lakes.

Posted in Inspiration, Life

Blessings of our time

Right now there are Tibetan Buddhist monks in a temple in the Himalayas endlessly reciting mantras for the cessation of your suffering and for the flourishing of your happiness.

Someone you haven’t met yet it’s already dreaming of adoring you.

Someone is writing a book that you will read in the next two years that will change how you look at life.

Nuns in the Alps are in endless vigil, praying for the Holy Spirit to alight the hearts of all of gods children.

A farmer is looking at his organic crops and whispering, “nourish them”.

Someone wants to kiss you, to hold you, to make tea for you.

Someone is willing to lend you money, wants to know what your favorite food is, and treat you to a movie.

Someone in your orbit has something immensely valuable to give to you – for free.

Someone is being invented this year it will change how your generation lives, communicate, heals and passes on.

The next great song is being rehearsed.

Thousands of people are in yoga classes right now intentionally sending light out from their heart chakras and wrapping it around the earth.

Millions of children are assuming that everything is amazing and will always be that way.

Someone is in profound pain, and a few months from now, they’ll be thriving like never before. From where they are, they just can’t see it.

Someone who is craving to be partnered, to be acknowledged, to arrive, will get precisely what they want – and even more. And because that gift will be so fantastical in it’s reach and sweetness, it will quite magically alter their memory of angsty longing and render it all “So worth the wait.”

Someone has recently cracked open their joyous, genuine nature because they did the hard work of hauling years of oppression of their psyche – this luminous juju is floating in the ether, and is accessible to you.

Someone just this second wished for world peace, in the earnest. 

Some civil servant is making sure that you get your mail, that your garbage is picked up, that the trains are running on time, and that you are generally safe.

Someone is dedicating their days to protecting your civil liberties and clean drinking water.

Someone is regaining their sanity.

Someone is coming back from the dead.

Someone is genuinely forgiving the seemingly unforgivable.

Someone is curing the incurable.

You. Me. Some. One. Now.

~Danielle LaPorte via Mary Standing Otter

Posted in Death, Loss, Mom

Missing you today and always

December 25th, 2018 is when I said goodbye to you, holding back the tears while rushing out of your room. We had spent the last 10 months together, and I felt positive that I had given you hope and something to hold on to. Health wise you did better then you had in a long time and things were looking up. You had your purpose back and the promise of me coming back to take you back home. Home into your own four walls, your beloved house.

December 25th, 2018 would be the last time I’d see you alive. Maybe it is the holidays without you, maybe it is the anniversary of such day, but today hurts just a little more and I miss you a lot. I don’t even know why I torture myself with thoughts of whether I would have stayed longer had I known? But the thoughts automatically appear and I can’t help it. Would I have hugged you a little harder, perhaps longer? Would I have given in to the feeling of holding back the tears, and instead freely just broke down in front of you, the strong woman you have always been your life. Would the love for showing you how much you meant won over the fear of you seeing me as a weak individual, telling me to get it together?

What does it matter? I know there are questions that will never see the answers. You are no longer here to set the record straight and I will forever wish to see again. Once more and once more and yet once more again. You are missed and I love you so much.

Posted in Inspiration

Your best life

Wishing all my WordPress family a happy holiday season and a wonderful new year. Each one of you matters so much to me and I am so grateful that our paths have crossed. Thank you for your continued support and for the friendships you allowed me to build.As the year comes to an end I reflect back on all that has happened in 2019. I remember saying that 2019 was going to be a year of preparation, paving the road for 2020. How true that gut feeling would become throughout the year. Did any of it came as a surprise or did I truly know? Much has happened this year, slowly preparing me for a life that is meant to be destined. Fears were realized, loss tore my heart apart only to form a new and stronger one. Scary change had to happen in order to make room for the new. Otherwise everything would always stay the same, unchanged, with dreams never realized. A dream remaining unattainable. But if you can see through the pain and all the things that happen in your year, perhaps you can also find a little magic and see your progress towards your dreams. Whether it’s to become the person you always wanted to be or something else. I believe that dreams have many faces and soon you will be given a new book with 365 blank pages to write a story you are proud of. A story that feeds your soul purpose. A story that is up to you. Will it be easier….perhaps not, but you are armed with tools and new traits gathered this year, tools you never had before. I believe many of us will rise from the ashes, living our best life in 2020. Here is to rolling with the punches, to dancing in the rain, and to doing our best, living our best life. ❤️

Posted in Christmas, Holidays

4th Advent

It’s the 4th Advent today, the last Sunday before Christmas is here. Four weeks leading up to Christmas, we celebrate the 1st, the 2nd, the 3rd and finally the 4th of advent. On this last Sunday, four candles are lit on a decorative wreath, signifying that Christmas is here. Family gathers over cookies, hot cocoa, Christmas Carole’s, mulled red wine, while visiting Christmas markets, filled with booths of handmade treasure and other magical things.

The wait is over, especially for children who anticipate for the “Christkind” to bring many presents and goods. I was lucky to see the Nürnberger Christkind while I was in Germany. Dressed in gold with her curly hair and magical crown, she represents the spirit of Christmas in the most angelic way. You can’t help being drawn in to her soft voice delivering her Christmas message to children and adults alike.

It’s the magical time of the years, a time filled with spirit, believe and hope. A time that is hard for some of us who have lost someone special and who adjust to this magical time without. May you always remember the magic of this season and know that you are not alone.