“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.”
~Andy Rooney
Fact is that the climb is often difficult and hard.
Are you willing to put in the effort?
Would you stay and sit for awhile?
Can you listen to the silence?
Mom with one of her folded Origami cranes. I love this picture of her and the happiness that it speaks from this simple, little, folded piece of paper. It reminds me that little wonders are all around us.
I hope your day is blessed with little wonders and moments that remind you that it doesn’t have to be something huge to bring a beautiful smile to your face.
“Caterpillar holds the grand dream of becoming all that it can be, with no limitations, it reaches out to become it’s greatest expression of self. Putting everything aside, it follows the drive to evolve. Caterpillar teaches us to do the same, to find our power to transform in deep meditation, to go into the cocoon and emerge as a greater aspect of self…believing in the possibilities that with faith all things great and small are possible, and to remember that the grand and beautiful things have very humble beginnings”.
~Presley Love
I moved on and left Mrs. Caterpillar behind. So far there had been the A-ha realizations from the neighbors speeding car that left me behind in a cloud of dust, there was wisdom to have more fun from the playful squirrel, and a reminder of transformation from the fuzzy caterpillar. I contemplated each while my steps carried me closer towards Mom. A smile graced my fave and sometimes I surprised myself of how aware I’d become. There was always a reason for everything, a meaning waiting to be found behind the actual occurrences. Nothing ever happened by accident, just like it didn’t with the people that crossed my path. I believed that each one was here to teach us a lessons, some good and some bad, if we were lucky enough, some touched our hearts and would stay in our lives forever. Those would become the special souls that we connect with, our soul sisters and brothers, the ones we feel a special bond with through the universe. The old friends, people our soul knew from a thousand years ago, and the people we so easily feel drawn to. I always knew that I was blessed for having encountered such special souls. The signs from that day were pertinent to timing, the exact moment as to why those particular encounters occurred. They were meant for me, and a message was waiting that I needed right then and there. I evaluated each incident, how it fit into my life, what meaning they brought, what needed to be reinforced, and what needed to be changed.
Nearly half way down the narrow bike path, a bicycle past me from behind, bringing me back to the current moment. I had waited for that moment and it was a long time coming. I knew it would happen soon or later as I periodically turned around, to avoid a scary and unexpected surprise during my stumble. I couldn’t ignore that my feet didn’t feel all that great anymore. It was too early for that, but my legs were burning and my fingers were so swollen that I can only describe them as thick white sausages threatening to burst open. Perhaps like the Michelin Man, that thick. It was getting very painful and uncomfortable, but I had to push on. I staggered at times, feeling myself swagger and sway all over the place. It was surreal, as if observing an outer body experience of myself. Surely I must have looked anything but graceful, but I didn’t care if anyone noticed. I drugged along, like a Pilger dying of thirst. Each step was becoming a fight, but also carried me closer.
I took a few picture along the way, to stop and admire, to live in the moment. At the same time it was giving me and my muscles a brief moment to relax. The burning never subsided and would continue all the way to Mom’s. The flight of stairs up to her room was torture by now, and then I finally made it. With a big sigh, all I could do is let myself fall into the chair, much to Moms surprise waiting for me to greet her as usual with a hug and a kiss. Any bystander might have thought that I just walked a 1000 Miles, but in reality it was only an hour and rather embarrassing. Another painful A-ha moment about my current condition set in. Dreams would remain dreams no matter how much I’d want to turn them into reality if I wasn’t going to get my health back. It was a hard bit to swallow, but hope and believe, faith and love were still present and flowing through my veins.
I stayed all afternoon with Mom and was thinking of the way back. It was getting late and I would have to leave and get moving soon, if I was to make it by dark. It didn’t take much convincing after Mom suggested to take the train home. The station was close by and would bring me closer to home into another neighboring village. It would roughly shave off one mile of walking distance and still give me the exercise I was seeking. No pain, no gain was the name of the game that unfolded all day. I wasn’t ready to accept defeat and the warrior in me was still in fighting mode.
The train was right on time and only a few short minutes later, I was walking once more. I had barely time enough to get my phone out of my pack to might snap a few more pictures. A hot air ballon was hovering over the forest ridge, lit up in a magical glow. The sun was about to set and the golden hour made way to the chill that filled the evening air. How much colder it was already getting at night, and tonight the temps would be just shy of freezing. After eating, I felt so cold that I decided to go to bed. I’m sure it was from the exhaustion and pushing through the pain, that I felt weak and worn. One step at a time I finished the day at 10078 steps and with the desired step goal.
When asked what surprised him most about humanity the Dalai Lama answered,
Man sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.
Make sure you live today ❤️
I struggled on Monday, and what started out as a nice break for myself, would quickly turn into a day filled with pain. The RA has become a constant, and reminds me of how it all started some 12 years ago when I was reduced to barely being able to move, as if I was crippled. It seems that I have arrived back at that point and everything takes effort. The lack of exercise, spending most days sitting at Moms bedside doesn’t help, and physically the only thing it has brought me is extra pounds. I’m at a point where you can’t get comfortable, you don’t sleep through the night, and you wake several times from the pain of turning. I haven’t had such a strong flare-up in years, and it is painful, debilitating. frustrating, as well as scary. Imagine yourself losing control, the nagging pain robs your sanity and everything becomes a major chore. You feel the inflammation in your body in the form of sore, tender, swollen joints, and certain parts of your body feel as if they were on fire. There is tightness and you can’t make a fist. There is a burning, a desire to give up and not walk another step, although your feet are not tired and feel fine. It’s hard to endure, but even harder to adjust to your new reality and become friends with it. There is so much left you are planning to do, so many dreams waiting to be executed vs. being dreamt, you have goals and plans, and your body is reminding you that it might not come to pass. Your saving grace is your spirit, who is not defeated yet, there still is hope and you fight on, day after day. You do what you can to keep your mood high and positive. Sometimes it works, and sometimes you are just soooo tired of it. That is pretty much how things have been lately, filled with an unwillingness to accept the new reality although I have completely surrendered to what is. It had happened before and went into remission before, it could happen again and that’s what I choose to believe. But is there something more life is trying to tell me? Already on my knees, was my body in the process of forcing me into a decision, because my mind couldn’t make that choice. I truly think that it is what happened the last time. My body broke down to remove me from a damaging circumstances. Things turned out for the better back then, was it happening again?
Monday was such a day, and it was mostly my upper body, arms, hands and shoulders that were sore. There was pressure in my chest and I didn’t know if it was caused from the RA, taking the steroids and daily pain meds, or because my heart just had enough of enduring the constant strain. I took a few extra aspirin on top of the daily regimen that I’m already on per doctor’s orders. I managed somehow, became very tired but also very restless by the end of the day. I hardly did anything but rest. Was it really what I needed, another day of minimum exercise, mostly sitting and laying around? Something had to give and I knew it.
Tuesday morning came and the wheels were turning. I needed movement, and declared that just sitting day after day at Mom’s wasn’t going to cut it anymore. The temperatures were getting cooler, perfect hiking weather for me and a plan was born. I needed to exercise my heart and decided to walk to Mom’s. I was doubtful and had no idea about what strain I was going to put myself under, but I had to. I thought about resting points along the way if I needed to, while shaking my head at my own self and my incapabilities. What happened, I had walked much further distances in the past, never thinking about places where I might rest, but this was my “NOW” and I didn’t like it. Actually, I had to admit that I was growing to not like a lot of things about my current “NOW”, but so it was. At least for the time being.
I decided to rake up the pears in front of the house before leaving, and it would be a good indicator of how the joints performed, before risking the final journey. Although the small stretch of property in front of the house is the towns property, somehow it was still everybody’s responsibility to clean up the mess, and “The village people” knew who did and who didn’t. It was obvious, but also fuel for future conversations and a few looks. The previous storm had shook the tree hard, and the bottom around it was covered with fallen pears. I raked up five large buckets full and had to leave another pile that didn’t fit into the waste container. The pain was tolerable and actually felt as if the movement was helping. It was decided, and I got my pack ready. With water, lunch sandwiches, Fruit roll ups, jacket, I pad and phones, cables, sunglasses, PAIN MEDS, and wallet in tow, I was soon to be on my way. If I could only combine walking to Mom with a hike, an adventure to explore and see things, things usually missed by driving by quickly, if I could enjoy my time being out, to slow it down a bit while getting my exercise and step goal in, perhaps it would be a win win situation in many ways. I would also take advantage of the milder temps before the weather turned completely and winter arrived. It seemed like a winning combination and I was hyped up and pumped. My mind had performed it’s own little motivation speech
and off I was, walking each step to get closer to Mom. This didn’t come with the occasional moments of disbelief that I was actually doing it. I didn’t feel the greatest and while the pain in my legs were manageable, I still felt the tightness in my chest like a warning that this might not be the smartest idea. I knew that I had to keep pushing and promised myself to take it easy if there was ever a need. To listen to my body, but also make changes that my body needed to adapt to. I had reached the end of town as the neighbor chased by me per car. She was driving into the same direction I was walking in, but I was invisible and small. There was no time for a waive hello, heaven forbid for a offer or a lift, perhaps I wasn’t even noticed or seen. For a moment I was reminded that I would be completely on my own. Wasn’t it what I wanted…to slow things down and take time to breath? Wasn’t the rushing car that symbolized hectic and stress exactly what I was trying to get away from? Of course it was, but did the neighbor knew? It was more the principle of it, and realizing how wrapped up everybody was that had me bothered. I was reminded of the rat race I myself had belonged to not too long ago, the madness I was caught up in, with days that passed me by leaving nothing more but meaningless memories behind. Phew another day was in the books, did I manage to complete all my chores was my theme song. It was confirmation that I didn’t want to return, that I wanted the time to notice and that a different path would have to be taken.
It was a beautiful day for walking. The temperatures were in the upper 50’s, partly cloudy with beautiful “Puffies” (clouds) and a light breeze. The next thing I noticed was a playful red squirrel, a first since my arrival. I smiled knowing that surely I would have missed it, had I just driven by. My second message for the day was to have more fun and to take life a little less serious. Thank you Mr. Squirrel, indeed I needed that reminder. My senses were keen and I was in tune with what messages Mother Nature had for me. Just a short while later, a fuzzy caterpillar was near the side of the path, nestled safely in between the grass. Immediately I thought of it’s transformation to become a butterfly and how it related to myself. This entire journey had been transformative, I was getting my answers as well as insights of where I had been and where I wanted to go. Mrs. Caterpillar was no exception and another confirmation and reminder that I was following the correct path.
“Caterpillar holds the grand dream of becoming all that it can be, with no limitations, it reaches out to become it’s greatest expression of self. Putting everything aside, it follows the drive to evolve. Caterpillar teaches us to do the same, to find our power to transform in deep meditation, to go into the cocoon and emerge as a greater aspect of self…believing in the possibilities that with faith all things great and small are possible, and to remember that the grand and beautiful things have very humble beginnings”.
~Presley Love
…to be continued
One of the last blooms of the season has surfaced, and although the Fairy Garden is holding, the nights are considerably colder and so are the days. We almost hit the freezing point last night, and a small warm up is on the way. Summer is trying to hold on while breathing a few more breaths of color and beauty, but the days are numbered. The Fairy Garden is slowly entering it’s winter slumber and these beautiful sights will soon be gone. Hopefully a few more will come to greet me before the final season change.
I’ve started folding cranes again. I made a few before, and even made a post about it, but I couldn’t do it without setting up a YouTube tutorial. It started with a little invitation to spend quality time with Moni, Leni and Emily. We all like crafts, so it was only logical that I was searching for something cute, quick and simple. Something that didn’t require tons of preparation, but would be fun for all. An origami evening was born, although folding a crane is not the simplest of tasks to start out with. Luckily there are many other projects one can choose from which we did. I will post our priceless creation soon. 😉
Nevertheless, it encouraged me to finally master the art of folding a crane. I went to see Mom prior to our little evening and practiced. I made two cranes, with the help of the tutorial, which now reside at Mom’s bedside. She was so amazed at the sight of these once flat pieces of paper, now folded into wonderful little creatures, it became obvious about the joy she found in the smallest and simplest of things. It’s been several times now that I felt I was bringing something new to her, be it information or anything else, that she wasn’t aware existed. She was amazed as I played the ukulele without the use of proper lessons. I picked up Dads harmonica and played it just as well. Again she was surprised as if I was some super talent. I encouraged her to try for herself and to play it, but she refused saying she didn’t know how. I didn’t either, but for her it was something that would stop her vs. me who would just go for it and give it a shot. I always said that I was too old to embarrass myself. I didn’t care and if it turned out funny, at least we all would have something to laugh about. Not so for Mom, and she was very afraid to make a fool out of herself. She hadn’t learned to laugh about herself yet and it would become a quest for me to teach her. There was a huge point of difference between the two of us, and within our experiences. The ones induced by life and the ones we choose to take or pass by. Teaching her would bring light and lightness to her days, I would start immediately.
Last night I felt determined to practice some more and I found the perfect squared pieces of paper. Each square is different in color with a quote in the middle of it. I made four cranes and finally managed without the tutorial. Somehow I managed to fold a new hybrid crane (notice the two cranes in the front with their wings sticking straight up), which I almost like better then the original one in the back. Anyways, I can finally fold my crane, but surprise would have it that it might look slightly different with each attempt. I’m perfectly ok with it, leaving the element of surprise as a bonus.
In Japan, the crane is a mystical creature and it is believed to live a thousand years. Traditionally it was believed that if one folded 1000 origami cranes, one wish would come true. It has also become a symbol of hope and healing during challenging times.
I haven’t folded a 1000 origami cranes, but I still have a few wishes. I’m changing the rules slightly and will cast a magical wish anyways. Who could ever refuse a little magic with the promise of it being my goal to give away a thousand cranes during my lifetime. Today I made a special one with a message of light and love for a special friend and soul sister. I will have to post/mail it as soon so it can find its proper home. I’m beginning to talk like she does, although she didn’t know what a handy was 😂. Pssst, I didn’t knew either, and it’s a German thing. In the states we call it a cellphone.
It was because of Mom and her joy about this simple piece of paper, the mystical message that comes with it, that all of a sudden it appears that gifting an origami crane is a treasure and so much more then what meets the eye. I wish I could gift one to all of you right now, but since I can’t, I would like to dedicate this post and these healing cranes to everybody in need of healing. And I know that in the end it is all of us. Xoxo ❤️🦋
The random things you find mixed in at the local family grocer. And no, it wasn’t the only tin for sale. And yes, I bought it….too random to pass up. 😉
Have you seen anything funny at your store lately that made you say “oh wow” or pause for a second? It’s the beginning of a new week, let’s see if we can start it with some funnies and a few laughters.
Have a great week everyone. ♥️
My two nieces know me so well and brought me an oversized postcard as a gift (see image above). It brought a huge smile to my face, after hearing their explanation, thinking that it was perfect for me. Mind you that Emily is 9 and Leni 12 years of age. I think they know me better then most adults ♥️. I never really talked about any of it, not my boho roots, or my dream of living in a converted school bus some day, but something must be obvious. I’m a dead give away.
It was kind of fun to see myself through their perspective and their vision. The minds of our younger generations are so much further ahead, way further then we ever were, it’s mind boggling. So what was it, where did they get this perception of Auntie from. Perhaps I will find out tonight spending some quality time with these lovelies. They sure hold a piece of my heart and are special, mist important, little people to me.
Rhapsody Bohème 