Warrior Spirit

Original painting by me, titled Warrior Princess.

Have you ever met someone that exudes a warrior spirit? Someone that seems strong, resilient and resourceful in the eye of adversity?

Truth is….

behind every warrior princess and every fighter, lies a wounded inner child who had to find their way to attain that strength. You could say that they very much earned that status d these days when I meet someone like that, I can’t help but wonder what their story is.

Those warriors have endured tragedy, loss, pain, and life changing events. Be kind when you encounter one and let them guide you as a role model. Becoming that very fighter they had to reinvent themselves, rising from the ashes over and over again.

Metatarsalgia

January, a tough start to 2021 for me, with several health challenges. Surely had I identified some of my short comings just recently, but despite of it things only took a turn for the worse. Chronic pain became a constant, a daily companion and quickly it naw’ed away at me, leaving me feeling whiny and complaining for the majority of my days. Nights felt long with interrupted and little sleep and just turning from one side to the other caused pain. In prior times pain may have been noticeable in the hands and wrists, other times in the knees, the feet, the upper back, neck and shoulders which seem to be attacked quite frequently. Now it appeared that all areas where attacked all at once, and a few new ones made themselves known. One of them was the balls/bottom of my feet. Luckily only the right one and not both at the same time.

I had felt discomfort here and there but brushed it off to perhaps hiking too far or the weather. Surely my feet would recover after a nice hot shower and for the most part they did until the pain increased. It was always in the same spot and wouldn’t go away anymore. It was difficult to take steps and soon I adjusted my gait, walking with somewhat of a limp as to not put too much pressure onto the foot. And then I got tired of it all together and started to research what was goin go on. What I found is a condition that is called Metatarsalgia.

It’s a painful condition that affects the ball of the foot. The metatarsals are bones that connect the toes to the ankles. In the foot, there are small toe nerves between the metatarsal bones. When the head of the metatarsal bones presses against another, the small nerve is caught between them and starts to become inflamed. Putting weight on the foot can worsen symptoms, because with each step these bones rub together, increasing the inflammation of the nerve.

While there are several causes for this to happen, mine comes courtesy of my rheumatoid arthritis. Needless to say I’ve had to reduce my steps per week, ice my foot to reduce the swelling and do the best I can. Inactivity swells my feet which seems like a vicious circle and I hope nothing worse comes as a result from this.

At the moment the right foot is shot. There is an unbearable amount of tension and tightness in my shoulders, neck and upper back that bring with a headache out of this world. The hands are swollen and the fingers, especially the index fingers don’t bend that well right now. I’m a bit of a broken mess right now and I am restarting my kundalini yoga routine. Why did that fall to the wayside I ask myself. Strange how we forget these things when we feel well and how easily they fall to the wayside. Shouldn’t we instead recognize the great benefits we get from these modalities and maintain them, making them the utmost priority because they make us feel so good. What strange creatures we are at times, so here we go again and I hope to get the relief o find before.

January you are definitely kicking my butt this month, but you have to be this tough to put it into perspective for me. So with it I embrace the pain and learn the lesson for a smoother February ahead.

Equanimity

Picture form yahoo

This week’s new word is equanimity (n) which stands for mental calmness, composure and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.

I relate to this word and it’s meaning. Especially during the later part of 2020, I felt tested and tried to practice such equanimity. Honestly, it’s been a struggle.

The other day, (which by now was actually last year already) I had hiccups four times throughout the day. It’s unusual and I don’t remember this happening before. Just like everybody else, from time to time I do get it, but four times in one day, with such persistence, was something new to me. Mom always said that someone is thinking of you when the hiccups pays you a visit. Enough already, notice taken 😉.

During the fourth visit in that day, a bad headache like a migraine came to join the discomfort. Eventually my heart felt such pressure, that I ended up taking an aspirin and went to bed. I did a little research and got my answer of what might have been the cause for it’s multiple visits throughout the day. Let’s just say I wasn’t surprised, and then this new word arrived in time to remind me to do my best and practice equanimity, no matter how challenging it gets. It’s in my best interest and health to master it and turn it into a success story for me. The article indicates that the possible cause was emotional distress and I knew it to be true at that time.

Luckily 2021 has started out on a bit gentler note and the stormy sea has softened it’s title waves. For how long, who ever knows but for the moment at least and each day of smooth sailing is a gift.

Forged by Fire

This picture came about earlier this year at Cathedral Gorge State Park. Walking through the narrows, the sun came through the cracks illuminating the walls like fire. It was an amazing experience and one of my most favorite places this summer, although there have been too many to count. I will write a post about visiting and detailing this amazing journey soon, so you can join me vicariously and see for yourself. Until then, here is a little taste and teaser with the picture above.

It was this picture and this journey, my journey in particular, a journey that was developing over the recent years but mostly in 2020. It stood out, a perfect pair to a quote I just read. And you know what a sucker for quotes I am. They seem to find me at the perfect time, always speaking to me in magical ways. I love to come across one that just whips a smile onto my face and leaves me sitting there nodding and marveling to myself.

“Forged by Fire” was the next piece that seemed to be a fitting title. Standing next to the wall, it looked like lava was coming down. Add the quote below and a metaphorical meaning was born for me. It reminds me that great things are born from struggles, adversity and the fire. When things get tough (hot) and we are tested and forged, molded into a new version, a stronger self. This seldom happens without scars and without force. The challenge is to see the beauty in it despite the hardship. This picture reminds me of such a theory and the quote.

“There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself.”

~Hannah Gadsby

2020 – A year of challenges

Picture taken from google

The last trimester of 2020 has started, and the year continues to be a struggle for most. We see Memes all over social media, clearly stating our frustration and dislikes with how 2020 has unfolded for us. Despite our stories being different, many share common reasons, and are eager to share their opinions. Clearly others must feel the same and perhaps there is comfort to be found in knowing that we are not alone.

It is easy to notice how disgusted we are with 2020, and what a bad taste it has left in our mouths. Our expectations have fallen short and the year has turned out way beyond our wildest beliefs, and not at all in a good way. Each month starts in preparation for what is yet to be unleashed, without realizing at what cost this is coming to us and how much negativity we have taken on into our lives.

We have allowed ourselves to live in fear, to look at the future with anxiety as it chokes the energy out of our hearts. Our energy flow is disrupted and blockages have settled into ourselves. Hope has vanished, our guards are up, and we brace anew, because there is surely nothing good that can come our way. And as if we didn’t deal with enough already, Mars is about to go retrograde and we can expect to revisit everything that has already happened in 2020.

It’s been a year of extremes for sure. A year of disruption. A year that is shaking our world and everything we have come to know. Our comfort level, our control and security is on shaky legs, the future is uncertain and it’s easy to get sucked into all the negatives. It’s with certainty that we can say that some of us are worst off than others, that each story is personal and unique and that we can’t begin to understand another’s journey until we ourselves have walked in their shoes.

Much is out of our control as we try to roll with the punches month after month, but as I am reflecting back on the months passed, I wonder if we could also bring a little attention to what is in our control? To know that the life we knew and grew comfortable with had to change and couldn’t go on like it was any longer. Could we give gratitude for what we do have and perhaps realize that things could always be worse? Could we embrace new ways for a better future and learn a new way of life?

I can’t help but think back to previous years and somehow I can’t recall a extraordinary year that went smooth and without any challenges. Every year had it’s on set of struggles, different from the previous, but never easy. There was always a challenge of some sort and it will always be this way. When you overcome one thing, another will linger in the shadows and the sooner we learn to deal with it and to embrace it, the better off we will be.

I think back to failed New Years resolutions and year after year not turning out how I had hoped it would. Excitedly and full of motivation I approached each year. Here I was given the opportunity for a fresh start, with no major catastrophe, stars aligned and all, I was going to succeed, and still somehow each year turned out with me saying “well next year will be better, next year will be my year.” How many of you are with me and relate? Is it just tough luck? How do we feel about these unsuccessful years now, and how would we compare them to 2020? Have we taken away lessons that helped us grow or have we allowed our “defeats” to impact us negatively? Should we even view them as defeats or lessons to help us attain a better life?

Could we consider to resist less and therefore struggle less?

Looking for my old friends perception & strengths

Artist unknown.

They say it’s not strength, but it’s perception that makes you stronger. If you change how you see it, you’ll change how you feel about it. When you’re at peace, you embrace the eternity.

Snow has returned to the higher elevations of my mountains this morning. Yeah I know, it is May, but it’s nothing unusual for the weather here. It’s normal to fight allergies during a snow storm in the morning and have the sunshine back in full effect by the afternoon. Rising with the dark skies has been my mood this morning and I’m trying to hang on to the above statement.

My cousins husband passed away over the weekend. He has been fighting sickness for a long time and everybody would agree that the suffering is over and that he is in a better place, yet it offers very little consolation at the moment. I guess the thought that deaths will occur more frequently now since we are all getting up there and older, although it’s not always a matter of age, Dad died very young, is depressing itself.

This morning I woke up and felt very sad for many reasons if I analyzed it, but nothing specific to set it off. Looking outside the window, I saw a rainbow and the beauty of the bloody rainbow brought me tears. Today I feel myself in fragile state and I know I just need to allow it to pass since I already have acknowledged it.

I need to change things in my life. Big things, for the better. Things that might include an international move. So if it is for the better, why is it so hard and challenging? Perhaps because we never plan for things like this. We work all out life building a life, sometimes to return back to square one, starting a new life because the old one was never a good fit. There is nothing bad about it, especially when given the opportunity to do so, so what is that that feels so empty? The lost time, wasted years, am I forgetting that those years all played a part in my journey and who I am today?

I am forgetting it and I know. I do have my own answers and I do know, yet we stray and sometimes misery just pulls the curtain for another play of self torture. Perhaps if I can change my perception, my strengths will return to tackle another day. I’m just tired…I think.

A world in pandemic

A world in pandemic has been a scary phase for most. Walking into the unknown, the uncertainty, and not having the facts, knowing we are vulnerable, without a cure and vaccination to effectively combat the virus has stimulated fear and heightened aggression everywhere. It’s almost impossible to watch the news and one wonders how much is actually fact and how much is blown out of proportions. Some think the media should be held accountable for instilling fear and hurt in people, while others simply despise the feeling of not being in control.

Compassion and mindfulness, consideration and thoughtfulness seem to have vanished overnight, leaving a “fend for yourself” environment. The elderly with preexisting conditions are at higher risk and are to be avoided. Scary times for sure. Not only at higher risk which can be scary enough, but also left to face it alone without immediate and direct support.

Overnight the world has changed, canceling schools, social events such a all sports, concerts etc. Doors to nursing homes have closed, prohibiting visits in avoidance to spreading the virus. Safety measures or chaos? Shelves are wiped at stores with basic essentials such as toilet paper, and worse yet, others try to capitalize on the crisis, reselling said products for high profits to themselves. People have reacted hostile towards each other and it’s scary to go into public. I for one who suffers with allergies am scared to be out and having to sneeze. Others crack jokes and try to brighten things with humor and smart memes, having survived the 10th end of the world crisis. I don’t know if that is the right attitude to send out to the universe either, and I won’t to it. I believe in karma and that the current situation requires respect.

I’m still unsure of how to feel and what to believe is true and what is exaggerated. Many fear that the worst is yet to come. With that said, please be safe out there and do your part. While much is out of our control, some things such as basic hygiene and boosting your immune system is within our control. 🙏🏼

Created by Storms – Truth

Today’s post goes out to my dear friend Marcus, the man behind the camera, pictured above. A fellow blogger and friend from the homeland (Germany), I was blessed to connect with Marcus back in 2018 and enjoy a shared photo shooting adventure in Schwäbisch Hall. It remains a very special memory to me, I will always hold dear.

Mom was very sick at that time, and I was faced with having to sign paperwork, and admitting her into a nursing home. Marcus was there every step of the way, offering great advice of what to look for, what to request from the government, etc. But even more he was there on an emotional level, helping me to breathe and bring a calmness to my anxiety and stress over everything. My worries while fighting the storm of truth, knowing what had to be done, and the inevitable, that was yet so complex and such a painful process.

It is often the truth of the situation that hurts us. Being in that situation, the knowing that we so often wish was different. Another side to that truth is the fact that strong men and women tell the truth, no matter how painful this storm is, no matter how harsh. Their hearts are filled with pure intentions. To them honesty is the best policy. That is why they’d rather hurt someone’s feelings by telling the truth than comfort them with a sweet, sugary lie.

Marcus never hurt my feelings and always found the most amount of compassion for my situation and me. After all he knew, because his own Mom was in a nursing home herself. I will never forget how important it was for me, that he shared his own truth with me. How painful the truth can be at times and how much we struggle with it along the way. Even when we accept the truth, it didn’t mean that we have grown to like it. They say the truth is painful but also sets you free. Today this post is to honor my friend Marcus who recently had to fight this storm of truth himself losing his beloved Mother. You are not alone my dear friend and I am holding the space for you. Hugs.

Created by Storms – Forgiveness

Today’s post is a special one and it goes out to no other but my dear friend Mark . Thinking about the storms of forgiveness, how they shape us into strong men and women, his name immediately came to mind, and was perfect for this segment. Marks story is a story that touches so many of us. A story in search for the meaning of life, juggling the ups and downs, while trying to come to terms. Mark calls this restlessness a knowing, an understanding, and talks about the courage and confidence it takes to step into your truth once you realize that there has to be much more to life. It’s the journey to finding our true self, and it is huge.

To some Mark might have had it all, the career, the marriage, love, and children, and still the question “is this it” persisted and eventually turned into losing everything. The marriage, the house, friends, family, and much more. So where does forgiveness come in?

Forgiveness plays a big part in all of our life’s and how we feel about it when stuff happens, determines what path we ultimately end up on. I’m sure Marks story required much forgiveness over the years. Forgiveness for what happened in his life, it couldn’t have been easy, but perhaps also forgiveness about how he felt about his own actions, his choice to follow his truth. Coming to terms and understanding, unlearning the old and exploring the new, all while finding the meaning and peace within was a heavy emotional burden that did not only affect him, but also others.

I remember a recent comment from Mark to one of my posts. Someone wanted a reiki session, but I felt myself struggling to muster the compassion and love I put into all my energy healings. I simply didn’t know if I could do it. Marks response was to keep on doing my thing, to continue to shine my light and to be beautiful in what I do, because the rest, the outcome was really out of my control as long as I did my part. It was such a remarkable comment for me that put everything back into perspective and the healing went just fine. I still have my thoughts about this person and I doubt this was a turning moment where all negativity magically transformed into positivity, but because of Marks comment I was able to let go of that burden and just did my best. I found forgiveness and the storm dissipated.

Strong men and women that practice forgiveness have no time to hold grudges or plot revenges. These beautiful humans have pure and loving souls full of forgiveness. They don’t burden their minds with negativity. Instead, they choose to forgive. Because in the end, we all make mistakes. The only way to learn from them is by having a chance to try all over again.

Thank you for your support Mark and for being a great inspiration to me. You are fulfilling your purpose beautifully and your light is shining bright my friend. ❤️🙏🏼

Created by Storms – Respect

Ah yes, the live and let live concept. The karma effect where we get what we put out there. And yet it is so much more. It’s an understanding of what that looks like, a coming to terms, to execute it as such. To react properly when respect is denied, and to choose your course of action when it does happen.

The person immediately coming to mind is my beautiful friend Irene. My heart has been heavy to learn that Irene recently lost her mother. It hits home, and I know firsthand about this terrible storm. A storm we all face eventually in some form or shape, as loss is part of life. Unfortunately, Irene has experienced the same storm several times within a short time and today I wish to wrap her in a warm blanket of comfort and love.

It hurts beyond measure and yet it is the storms that made her one of the strongest and wisest people I know. Within her she carries the biggest heart, always giving back and taking care of others. Humble, yet confident in her abilities, and the lessons life has taught her, she shines as an example for us all. I can’t help feel inspired and tremendously grateful to have found this beautiful soul. You know what I think sometimes…if God rewarded us with the people that cross our path, I must have done something right, because I’m left with a big smile and feel blessed for you, people like Irene that make my own life brighter each day. Don’t get me wrong, there was a time that definitely brought enough of the other kind as well, but they no longer matter, and it is the good that remains.

I think strong men and women aren’t hungry for attention. They don’t need to be right all the time, or prove their point. They seek a place to be heard and respected above all. And even if they are not, they choose on who or what they spend their energy on. I never saw a strong woman/man begging for something. They accept what is, and don’t need to explain why they want to be respected. They don’t need to voice their opinions through quotes and Facebook posts, explaining themselves while giving society and whoever reads it a change to pay respect in return. That would be a desperate cry to be heard, to be accepted, begging for respect. I know I have been there, fighting this storm of wanting to belong. A storm that includes acceptance, being heard and respect going hand in hand. Eventually there comes a time strong women/men simply walk away from people who don’t give it to them. It’s sure is a long journey until then, with more storms and heartaches than we ever cared to fight, but here you are.