Here is something to ponder and to really let the power of the words sink in. Take a moment to dream, make time for yourself. It only takes a minute, but it can have a huge impact for the rest of your life. How do these words apply to you/us? Are there things you/we would like to change?
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” ~Marcel Proust
In a world where we are constant learners, our vision has to adapt with changing times. When life happens and throws us a curveball, what do we do? Do we make lemonade out of the lemons we’ve been given or do we adapt and learn to see with new eyes. When was the last time you’ve witnessed beauty? When was the last time you’ve counted your blessings? When was the last time you saw through the eyes of a child in wonder and amazement?
Structure: noun The arrangement of and relations between the parts or elements of something complex. To construct or arrange accordingly to a plan. To give a pattern or organization to.
I am introducing something new into my life this week. I’ve never been one of great structure, planners and schedules. I’ve been the wild child going with the flow, allowing life to happen as it is meant to be. Of course this can only apply to an extent and some things need to be scheduled. But whenever there was freedom to let them unfold naturally, this was my preferred method of things. It strikes me odd these days given that I managed in retail for many years where those kind of things are highly rated. For a moment the thought crosses my mind that maybe this applies to my personal life, but then on the other hand, can we ever truly separate our professional life from our personal one? We are who we are, and we carry the same traits on and off the screen. It’s merely another thing, a thing of prior habits and the past, a thing I never paid much attention to.
To be honest, I am finding myself in need of a little more structure these days. The word came up while thinking about current goals and ambitions. I feel there is not a direct timeline attached on when I would like to see them completed. They just kind of exist, hanging there in limbo. Perhaps that used to be ok in prior years, but it is now that I feel a little structure could send me on my way. A way where these goals can actually be measured and where progress can be seen. I now feel that a little planning is important to keep us on track and to not let important things turn stale or fall to the wayside all together. Within this line of thoughts, I think about the book I want to write and at this rate I’d never finish in my lifetime. I think a little structure such as a writing day, for the book, could do wonders and may actually make me feel like something is happening. I have writing days now, but these are mainly for the blog and not my book, so it sits there and it waits and it waits.
I am looking to find the balance between structure and going with the flow and I think I might just found a way where both can co-exist equally without interfering with the other. For instance: I could have a weekly book writing day, but give myself the freedom, going with the flow of which chapter I feel like talking/writing about. I could have a daily Cinnamon and me exercise/hike day, but instead of allowing it to feel like a routine, I can give myself the freedom to choose our adventure and where we go. I think this can be applied to all things in our life, the things that need to be done, the things that are waiting for us on a daily and weekly basis, chores, tasks, as well as in general. Maybe we can breathe new life into the mundane and spice it it up a bit. Perhaps a little structure is beneficial, as long as we can bring a productive and happy flow to it. Perhaps it’s even fun. I think I will give it a try and see what progress can be made.
“Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.” ~Anne Frank
September is always a tough month for me. It never used to be this way but it has been for the past two years. While it marks a time for Indian Summer, the last warm days of the year, it also marks a time of the darkness increasing over the light, the days becoming short, and life giving way to dormancy and a colder way of being. It marks a time of death, of falling leaves, leaving behind skeletons wrapped in bark. It’s a time of going inward, a time for regeneration, a time for rest, of gathering strengths for all the new that lies ahead.
For me it is also a time of remembering you, remembering just a little more than usual. Fact is that I remember you all the time and there is not a single day when you are not with me. You know my heart and how I feel and I think you came to comfort me the other night. The electronic typewriter kept flashing and blinking it’s lights while being stored away in it’s cubby and without anyone visible to touch it. Where you typing me a note Mom, was this your way of telling me that you’re here with me, that you are ok? It doesn’t take your death anniversary to celebrate your life and it’s hard to believe that it’s been two years that you have left this world. It’s been nearly the time I last stood at your grave before returning back to America. Despite the physical distance, my heart couldn’t have been any closer during the last two years. Today on the anniversary of your death I could write about all things that I miss about you, how much my life has changed since you’ve been gone, and how difficult the grieving process has been. I could write another tribute to you as I search my mind for words and things that haven’t been said yet. But it feels like a broken record, something I have said many times before and today I remember you a little different.
“We talk about them because we’re proud. We talk about them, because they deserve to be remembered. We talk about them, because even though they are not physically with us, they are never far from our mind. We talk about them, because they are part of us, a part that we could never ignore or disown. We talk about them because we love them still and always will. Forever. Nothing will ever change that. ~Scribbles & Crumbs
If you still have your Mom and parents around, consider yourself lucky. If you have a great relationship with your Mom, consider yourself even luckier. Chances are we all remember a thing or two our mother’s did that made us feel cared for in a way only a mother can make you feel. They say that the love of a Mother is unmatched, a one of a kind that goes to the end of this world and can’t be found anywhere else. Here are 10 ways and things you can do to gift yourself the care and comfort you might have known from your Mother, meeting yourself with the highest understanding, love and compassion.
From September 27th to October 18th we are entering our last Mercury retrograde for 2021 and it’s all about relationships, and being peaceful and harmonious. It starts today, but in reality it’s been here all along. Peace has settled into my own corner of being, and I have shifted towards harmony, towards acceptance and towards letting go. I have reevaluated a few things and I have come to terms with a few things. Subject matters, big undertakings, letting go of dreams that were never mine, and even relationships and people. It’s done and yes I’m still standing and yes I am ok with it all. To not resist, to choose your battles, to accept and most of all to allow it all, without the need to justify and explain yourself is one of the greatest freedoms you will ever come to know, regardless of what painful injustice you’ve experienced.
This retrograde asks us to recalibrate our closest relationships and how we relate and communicate with each other. We are reviewing, rethinking, and we are revising our matters for improved balance. We are finding the fairness where it is required and we are lessening the grip of the past. It no longer has a hold on us. This is a time to expose what hasn’t worked for us. Here we decide whether we want to reshape and renew, or cut our ties and move on. How has our communication been! Productive, fair, respectful, efficient? Coming face to face with these questions is something we have seen all through the month of September as Armadillo Spirit suggests once more that we set Healthy Boundaries. We have first seen this message in April.
It seems that these cycles are repeating themselves now, coming to us in various ways and shapes as we peel away the layers and continue to shed what is no longer needed. Some intense conversations could be in store for us from the 5th-10th of October. We must be careful about what we say and most of all how we say it. Words can feel like a weapon when said in frustration and anger, something we might regret down the road. So a word of advice is to “Zip it” or at least think before you speak. At least consider how you would feel if your own sentence was told to you by someone else.
This is a time to continue our work, but it’s also a time to go inward and listen to our intuition. Don’t get so caught up on the goal that you are missing the process and the journey in getting there. And don’t get there by any and all means. The right way and unconditional love is the key, for its the only thing that will set us free in the end, with a peaceful mind.
Today I want to revisit our Triple Goddess from the other day and this post is mainly about the Crone. The dictionary defines her as a cruel, old woman who is thin and ugly, but who is she really? She is in all of us to some extent. I don’t see her like that at all and to me she is beautiful, the living embodiment of the Maiden, the Mother and now the Crone. Don’t see her as your eyes might see her, old, debilitated, with her prime life passed. See her with your heart. See the completion and the fulfillment of the Triple Goddess, the experiences, the lessons, her achievements and even her shortcomings. She has earned her wisdom and she has paid her dues. She didn’t get here by mere chance. She is forged of trial, tribulations, and errors. Pain has been one of her greatest teachers. Adversity has made her stronger and turned her into a Warrior. She has gotten up more times than she has fallen. She has a fighting spirit and she doesn’t give up easily. She knows how to be playful and nurturing, but she is often alone, and chooses her battles these days. She alone decides what is worth fighting for and what is not.
She is the Crone. The most dangerous, most radical, most revolutionary woman in existence. She exudes confidentiality and at times she is a threat to those, less confident who yet have to walk the path. She might intimidate as she knows exactly what she wants and only a strong, secure soul can handle her wild spirit as her partner in crime and throughout life. Whether in fairytales or in conventual reality, the old one goes where she wants to and she acts as she wishes. The filters have been removed. There is no one left that she needs to impress. She tells it how it is, without fear of who will be by her side. She lives as she chooses and she has long followed her own drumbeat. She is not afraid to stand alone and she has learned that a big part of this winding, twisting journey has to be walked alone. And it is as it should be. No one can stop her, nor ought they try.
As the fires are abating in my neck of the woods, what is left behind are things that are out of the ordinary. Life has to adjust to the changes and has to find a new rhythm again. Especially the animal kingdom, who has been scared just as much as we have been, who have fled and run away, who have relocated, and are often driven closer to civilization. Old breeding grounds and their previous homes have been affected in the fires and food resources have been taken away. Winter is coming and it is a time to forage and fattening up for hibernation.
I haven’t been out much this year as far as hiking goes and once again I am fighting through the pain, trying to build back my strength by increasing my activity. Once again I am trying to find the fine line, the balance in between what is not enough and what is too much of a good thing. I took Cinnamon out yesterday and today to stretch the legs and get some steps. I have noticed her more cautious, scanning the area, even stopping and standing still, while listening and staring into the distance. Yesterday she kept turning around, looking, listening and checking, until finally someone appeared on a mountain bike. It was quite impressive and she already sensed them way before anybody could hear or see them. I’ve noticed a change in myself as well given the recent circumstances and being more aware. For two days now, Bear has been on my mind and just like Cinnamon, I scan the area just a little closer as I usually do. I am walking, listening and looking, while my mind is saying “Bear, Bear, Bear.” And then it happened and I saw my first bear of the season. It was almost as if I felt it coming for the past two days, as if I sensed it. To many, seeing one would be a nightmare, scary and intimidating, but it was perfectly fine and we were within the safety of our car. I have to say that I’ve never had a problem with a bear and usually they don’t want any part of us. I have seen plenty in the wild, some of them at a close distance, some of them from afar. Here he/she was and I considered myself very lucky to see this magnificent animal given the little time I have been out. It’s been a few years I saw one in the wild, and some years passed despite weekly hikes and not seeing one at all. My heart was pounding in admiration for this bold, strong, wild, and free creature, I call my favorite animal, besides dogs :). Cinnamon also got to see a Momma and a Cub three days ago, but I missed them staying at home and was initially bummed about it. Now it was my turn and I watched for awhile while being parked nearby. We were playing peekaboo behind some brush and ever so often it stood on it’s hind legs looking if I was still there. Other than that, it could have cared less about me.
Back at home I had to look up the spiritual meaning of Bears and there are no ordinary moments I’d say. With September not quite over yet, Bear reminds us to set clear Boundaries, to not compromise, even if pressured. Ask for what you want whether or not you feel you’ll get it. Get going on that creative project you have in mind. Take some time out from your usual routines and spend time in solitude. You may be in need of physical or emotional healing. Be gentle, and show your love to those you’re close to. To find answers to your questions, go inside rather than reading or consulting others. It’s an important time for meditation and introspection. Balance your activities with periods of rest. Don’t forget to play. Allow any darkness you discover in yourself to teach you a lesson.
The Triple Goddess is a deity or deity archetype revered in many Neopagan religious and spiritual traditions. In common Neopagan usage, the Triple Goddess is viewed as a trinity of three distinct aspects or figures untitled in one being. The Triple Goddess comprises of three female figures described as the Maiden, Mother, and Crone. Each figure symbolizes a specific life cycle and a corresponding phase of the moon. Modern pagan conceptions of the Triple Goddess have been greatly influenced by the poet and classist Robert Graves (d. 1985) who speculatively reconstructed her ancient worship based on the scholarship of his time. To me the Triple Goddess symbolizes our own journey. From birth, when we not yet have our own values, to living our lives and acquiring our own wisdom, and eventually becoming a being of enlightenment.
Maiden – The embodiment of innocence, purity and to some extent, naivety the Maiden represents youth and youthful enthusiasm. She symbolizes the enchantment and wonder of childhood. To manifest the Maiden we must maintain an openness to curiosity, or the driving life-force inspiring us to meaning and purpose. The Maiden is the beginning, the heart and soul of existence. Moon Phase: Waxing. Corresponding Deities: Virginal goddess, Kore, Persephone & Artemis, Bona Dea, Diana.
Mother – The symbolic Mother Goddess acts as a personification of nature. She represents fertility and creation – imbued with the awesome power to bring a conscious, breathing life into physical existence. Nearest the brink of death she will be for sometime, the Mother is the warrior, perilously risking herself and her mortal body. Manifesting the Mother means willing ourselves to face another day and other opportunities to nurture our truest selves and create our own lives. The Mother empowers us to live fully – courageously and willfully. Moon Phase: (3 days of observance: the day before, of and after the official Full Moon). Corresponding Deities: Motherly Goddesses, Demeter, Gaia, Hera, Isis, Selene.
Crone – The Crone symbolizes illumination, transformation and enlightenment. She personifies wisdom~experiencing and learning from the effects and lessons of time. As the keeper of the crossroads, she is a supremely powerful and influential being who moves effortlessly between worlds. The Crone is both heroine and helpful guide, sharing generational knowledge and maintaining the bonds of family. Manifesting the Crone requires considerable responsibilities~ moving beyond the realm of self and into greater collective unconscious. She encourages us to embrace and utilize all aspects of ourselves. Moon Phase: Waning. Corresponding Deities: Hecate, Rhea, Atropos, Mnemnasyne, Trivia, Morta, Minerva, Skuld.
With only two days in between, this week is packed with powerful energy for shifting times, new beginnings and rejuvenation. Two days ago we welcomed the Harvest Moon which every year signifies the moon closest to the Fall Equinox. This moon brought a message to us to be gentle with our emotions. To not allow ourselves to get riled up. It reminded us that this is the harvesting season. Before the seeds are planted, the soil is uprooted. So trust the process. Whatever comes to the surface is intended to be cleansed. Embrace this energy because what follows is steady, new, and an upgrade from the previous chapter of your life. We have seen quite a few upgrades this year haven’t we? Each peeling away the layers of ourselves, revealing a new “us.” With each layer we have lessons to learn, new opportunities to digest and to see with new eyes. No matter how painful the process, it also has been exhilarating and rewarding. Look back at where you were the beginning of the year and look at you now. Look at all that you have accomplished. Has everything fallen away that no longer serves you?Are you happy with your accomplishments so far? Remember that there is always time to sow new seeds, to replant and fertilize, Here is to new beginnings and rejuvenation.
Today marks the first day of fall in the Northern Hemisphere and the first day of spring in the Southern Hemisphere. Today, daytime and nighttime are roughly equal in length as the darkness continues to grow and our days become shorter and shorter. It’s a time we definitely feel the chill in the air, especially in the mornings and in the evenings. Winds are carrying a coolness in their breeze that make us reach for a cozy wrap or blanket. The first evening of hot tea is behind me already and our appetite grows for hot soups and comfort foods. Apple spice is making it’s comeback and the smell of baked goods fills our homes. This is a time of change when the world displays herself in her last show of magnificent color. The leaves are turning in all their glory before making way to a final rustle carried by the wind.
Fall for me usually signifies calmer waters. A time to rest and go inward. A time that marks the end of ‘the great push,” planting, pruning, and watering our seeds. It is the time of harvesting, to sit back, become still, to reap the rewards. And you can do it all cozied up, and in the comfort of your own magnificent space that is filled with peaceful energy, vibes, and your favorite things to help instill calm. It’s a time when I do more meditation work, (not sure why, except that fall and winter might allow more time for it, although I know it’s a matter of prioritization and what is most important to us), when I give life to creations and crafts that fall short during the long summer days, when I listen to and practice more Reiki. It’s a time when I do more of “ME” as if cultivating myself for the next Spring when another push is required. Indulging into this self analysis for the first time, I may opt to say now that Fall might be my favorite season. It’s asking me to answer the why’s and learn more about coming up with this conclusion. Somehow I feel that there is an answer waiting to be discovered by me, a sign, a next step, a guidepost, a nudge into the direction I should take. It’s funny how simple it starts most of the times and by the beginning of this post, there was no sign of this insight. A self dialogue usually develops where I ask and answer all questions and thoughts. And alongside there are signs and a wonderful way of stumbling upon what we need the most at that given time.
“Watch Mother Nature. She knows that having the trees loose their leaves comes Fall…know that it is but a short time to allow for newness and wonderment to happen yet again.”
Fall is definitely in the air and last night and today I’ve felt the first chill. It’s windy today and the breeze feels cold, chilling down to the bone. The sunny, warm days are fleeting and already daylight seems so much shorter. With it comes the return of soups and tea’s, hot comfort food, cuddles wrapped in blankets, a movie, or more creative time indoors. I wish it was a time to go inward for me, a time to relax, regroup and rebuild, but it’s not really and there is an agenda waiting that needs to be tended to. Germany and an empty house is waiting for what’s to come next. I wish it could hold out for just a short time longer, until the end of winter when the chances of selling a house, potentially getting some work done on it is better for everyone, including myself and the RA.
Covid had me procrastinating enough time and the original plan was to return in 2020, but then Covid happened and everything was postponed. Who knew that living with this virus would become our new norm and honestly I don’t think it’s going to change. It’s hanging around, like Cancer, Rheumatoid arthritis, Diabetes, and all other diseases and illnesses. They have become part of our lives just like the flu and I think it’s here to stay.
Last Saturday, I finally did it and got my first vaccination shot for Covid. I have to admit that I am still very undecided and for months now have listened to the pro’s and con’s, the conspiracy theories and concerns, as well as every other opinion. Some things remain questionable, but like with everything else, there are always two sides to everything and one can simply choose from which angle they want to see it, feeding their own truth. I am not surprised that I found myself extremely nervous about it which to me is a sign that perhaps I shouldn’t have done it. I didn’t have peace of mind doing it, so why did I go through with it in the end? For one because I have to travel and go oversees. The pressure is mounting for those still not vaccinated of what you can do, where you are allowed inside and so on. In some ways I felt that I had no choice but to do it finally. What brought me some peace of mind was that most of my family in Germany, including a younger, very wise generation, and very educated friends here which I value and trust, have gotten vaccinated. Could we really be fooled on such a mass level? Maybe, but it brings some comfort knowing that these people did their research and in the end decided that they’ll be better off vaccinated than not. I have also known of people who were vaccinated and still got Covid. It’s not magic shot of prevention, but hopefully will keep you out of the hospital and away from a ventilator.
Needless to say, I was uneasy filling out the paperwork, minutes away form getting my first dose. Going over a list of potential allergic reactions, a potential Epi-pen shot before being administered to the hospital wasn’t all too comforting either but is standard protocol. Hopefully everything will be ok, the man administering the shot said, “this has only happened once before.” Once too many, yikes. Immediately afterwards I had to wander around the store for 15 minutes to make sure I wasn’t feeling any tightness in the chest or light headedness. I distracted myself, telling myself that I’d be ok, basically distracting my mind from feeling any kind of anxiety and manifest some symptoms I don’t want. All went well and the evening was fine too. Given that I have RA, I was told that might experience side effects from the shot such as swollen joints, fatigue and flu like symptoms a little longer than everyone else.
Sunday morning came and I awoke after a somewhat restless night. I was woken several times throughout the night from soreness on my left arm where the shot was administered. It felt as if I had gotten sucker punched and it wasn’t too bad or intolerable, but it was noticeable enough to wake me when I was laying on that side putting pressure on it. I finished my errands and grocery shopping for the week, heading back to the tiny abode to stow everything, put away the laundry and prepare a scrumptious meal for myself and my girlfriend who came to visit me for the first time since the move out of my big house. All was well, despite feeling a little tired which I chalked off to not sleeping well the night before and running around all day, busier than usual. Perhaps it was because missing my nap time, goodness I am getting old. Lol.
As always we had a great time, filled with laughter, shenanigans, no shortage of wine and simply good conversation and company. Cinnamon was a little intense, still protecting her home and Momma, not being used to people, but eventually she chilled out a bit as long as no sudden moves were made. I have some work to do with her for sure and hope it can be sorted down the road, or she calms a bit more with age. After my girlfriend left, I cleaned up and it was about 8PM by the time I got done. I was gonna do some other things but decided to rest a little and not overdo it, given that I just gotten the Covid shot etc. I laid down on the couch and it was chilly enough to cover up. I must have dozed off here and there, but couldn’t get warm. Pretty soon I was literally shivering and I don’t remember the last time feeling like this. I got up to put on my thick bathrobe and eventually the chills subsided and brought my body temperature back to normal. It had to be a side effect to the shot and all was as if nothing happened the next day. The soreness in the arm went away although there was still a feeling of coolness in the air. But then the high is only 61 for today and lows were in the 30’s overnight. So, seasonally or else, remains a mystery but I take it if that’s the worst I have to deal with.