Posted in Awakening, Life, Purpose, Soul

Belonging – Remembering Ourselves Home

Picture from inside “The Wave” Arizona

I am reading a new book that has me pondering things and I think it might have triggered some unresolved trauma. It’s a book about belonging and remembering ourselves home. It was written for the rebels and misfits, the outcasts and the shunned. The black sheep and those who struggle to fit in, believing that they don’t belong. It’s no secret that I have long identified with these emotions and feelings. Sometimes stronger, sometimes barely noticeable, they have been a part of my entire life. A life spent, never truly belonging.

Some think that belonging is a place, home and where you consider yourself from. Others may think that belonging has to do with another person, belonging to a partner, a lover and significant other. Perhaps belonging is identified to being a part of a family and your place in it. Or it might be your place in society, in your community and in your contributions, about what you bring to the table. Is your input sought after and appreciated, do you have a sense of belonging!

As I break this down for myself, questions like “who do I belong to” and “where do I belong to” naturally come to mind. I am thinking of my soul who has agreed to have certain experiences in this life time. Of the lessons that have to be learned. I am thinking about things I value to be true, guidelines I live be and like to follow. I remember that all we seek and need is already deep inside of us. That we have the tools to make it all happen. That the wisdom is already there and that when De Ja Vue stuns us in amazement, that it is then we get a glimpse that our soul has been here before, having that same experience and that we know what to do.

A sense of not belonging can be a very painful and lonely experience, even a deadly one. I grew up in a home that didn’t made me feel that I belong. It was no fault of my Mother who struggled with the loss of her husband when I was only 10. She herself most likely grew up with a lost sense of belonging, but she served a purpose all of her life. The purpose to survive a physical and emotional war, loneliness, having to be an adult while still being a child, the purpose of being practical, responsible and accountable while taking care of me, raising a 10 year old child alone. No doubt were these important things, but I second guess whether they gave her a sense of belonging. Surely she felt needed, but did this feeling speak to the heart of belonging, to her purpose on a spiritual and emotional level!

As a small person of 10 years old, my heart broke for my Mother. I wanted more for her and I wanted her to be happy again. I made it my impossible mission to comfort her and reassure her to believing in love, by keeping her heart open and not locking herself away. What was it even that I knew about love at the age of 10. Still I made it my mission to step into my Father’s shoes as if I could replace him, giving her a sense of belonging. I look back and wonder if it gave me a sense of belonging.

Today, I see the world more connected with all of our technology advancements than ever, and yet people are lonelier than ever. The author of my book Toko-pa Turner has said that the absence of belonging is the silent wound of our time. I agree, but for me it has had a lifelong presence and maybe it is just now we are truly becoming more enlightened, more awakened about these feelings.

I ponder if this belonging is not associated with a place or with belonging to another person. What if we are meant to belong to ourselves? Would it be selfish or would this prevent ourselves from sharing our life with others? Sharing our life is sharing our light, sharing our purpose and our experiences, to not be lonely, but is our belonging truly rooted in doing this with another person? I ponder if this purpose is independent from our outer circumstances, but is fueled by a way of how we view things. How we master our lessons, how we see life and our experiences. If we have everything we need already inside of us, then we will always be ok aren’t we! If we find inner peace and a way to be still and content, if we saw our adversity and lessons as growth, would that equal a sense of belonging? I am curios now how you would describe yourself when it comes to belonging. Where do you fit in?


We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

5 thoughts on “Belonging – Remembering Ourselves Home

  1. We are shown separation dear lady, that ever looking for that love and happiness in our lives ‘out there’. But unintentionally we look for it in others until we finally realize it is that separation within ourselves that is missing. Time pulls everything apart so that we can see both sides of ‘everything’ to finally realize that we can never truly understand and appreciate happiness, unless we do the same with sadness too. And on through all our emotions so that eventually we will see that our fears had bound us to a conditional love of our own making, so that when we finally see and understand that, will we finally then understand unconditional love when it arrives…because in understanding the fears that block that love we will finally let them go, and in doing so see that it all had a great purpose, to give us that understanding of what unconditional love is. And like all else, one cannot be done without the other, one cannot be understood without understanding them both. We cannot love another truly, until we learn to love ourselves. How can we give of something we don’t understand, and the only way to do that is experience it so that we will understand. This journey, though with great pain, is indeed that experience so that we will understand truly what love is…and what it is not. That is the making of us, a very profound and loving journey. Hard to see for a long time, like the life of a caterpillar crawling in seemingly darkness…to suddenly go through a change to become something so profoundly beautiful…and now fly to see everything from a whole new way of being. It is there waiting…for us all ❤️🙏🏽

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    1. It was like I was watching a movie of myself in slow motion while reading your words. Nodding along in the becoming on the making of, realizing all the places I’ve been and al the hurdles and obstacles that were once so hard, yet essential for the understanding. And yes, e can not understand one without the other, nor can we give it away to another, not having experienced it for ourselves, having healed that very heart that is required to love unconditionally. 🙏🏼💙

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      1. Enjoy the journey dear lady, it is indeed all worth it each step you take. That is where hope and faith come into this, you can’t see anything for a long time, but slowly those pieces come together and confirm within you that this journey does indeed bring something wonderful and gives an appreciation that words cannot convey because it is so profound 😀❤️🙏🏽


  2. Yes I know this feeling to want to belong somewhere especially growing up, although happy I felt I didn’t belong, not even to the UK! It made me explore many places and myself! It brought me into the arms of Tom where I was grateful to feel a sense of this belonging but it was only after I began to fall in love with myself! The more I loved me, the more our relationship grew and it didn’t matter where we lived, where we travelled we were happy to belong to ourselves. Since Toms transition I found myself feeling into this belonging and it is indeed my own sense of belonging to me that is allowing me to go through this dreadful separation of my physical tom! However some days I feel lost and have to connect with my home, to feel comfy in my nest, which feels kind of empty! This separation is bringing me deeper into myself, I feel loved and carried and know everything is most perfect! Thanks for sharing this book! I might just go and find it to buy! Maybe a little comfort for me now❤️ much love x

    Liked by 1 person

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