Posted in Experience, Inspiration, Life, Motivation,, My story, Photography, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Survival

The fight…

A little inspiration and my mantra for today. Nothing comes easy or is a given. Today I remind myself to fight for what I believe in and marvel in the pursuit to uncover the true meaning of my purpose. I remind myself to make my dreams happen instead of waiting for them to fall into place. And most of all I remind myself to enjoy the journey and to not forget how to live,  for it is then that I truly feel alive.

Best to all…❤️

She has a quiet confidence that screams loud.

She is humble, but strong.

She is stable, but rebellious.

She is giving, but not naive.

She chooses her battles wisely.

She’ll stay silent until it’s time to fight and when that time comes,

she will fight and she will win.

Posted in Inspiration, Life, Motivation,, My story, Photography, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Survival

Refer to maker…

Life throws all kinds of curveballs our way and nobody is exempt. I can’t say that I ever met a person that was thrilled when things didn’t turn out as planned. We duck and hope to dodge the unfortunate event, we might get upset and bend out of shape, raising our blood pressure while complaining to everybody that comes our way or is willing to listen, which by the way are often just innocent bystanders that may have accidentally walked into the path of our wrath without any fault of their own. I have never been one of those people and while I didn’t cared for these little unexpected interventions myself, I have to say that I always managed to remain fairly calm. I’m not sure why or how but I just found little sense in getting all upset over something that never changed no matter how badly I was jumping up and down. Perhaps it was a gift to remain calm in situations most others would lose their composure. Maybe it was just my laid back nature.The mailbox held a surprise in the worst case of figurative speaking. Not a surprise at all, it was a notification from my bank that my account was charged for 2K+, not including additional processing fees for a check deposit that didn’t cleared. Reason “Refer to maker” it said on the paper. For a moment my mind raced as I starred at the letter in disbelief, how could this be, the check was from a large reputable company and was a insurance claim check, a check I would have never expected to be returned unpaid. What was going on? What caused it? It had taken three month to finally receive the check and just like this “Poof” I was back to square one. What an inconvenience and for sure more hassle was heading my way. I decided to let it rest, what was there to do at 10:47PM after all.

After a phone call in the morning and the initial apologies, I was promised I would receive a call from the large company, the issuer who had denied my payment. And indeed, only ten minutes later the phone rang and a lady named Christy (actual name) started to profusely apologize for what had happened. She apologized numerous times about the whole incident happening the begin with and told me that she had already gotten in touch with accounts payable. She would personally follow up to remedy this situation as soon as possible which would be like “yesterday” according to what she said. During our conversation she received a message back from accounts payable which stated that they would issue another check. Great news and it would have been good enough for me, but it wasn’t for Christy and she emailed back to inquire about the ETA so she could let me know when to expect the check. We stayed on the phone as Christy was hoping to get an answer back immediately and we shared a little small talk about my plans for the rest of the day. I was going out for hike in my backyard near the Gold Lakes Highway which is an hour away from my home. It’s a little haven for me as you can find yourself surrounded by alpine lakes and the Majestic Sierra Buttes rising out of the landscape with their jagged peaks to tickle the sky. It’s a place I can breathe and relax, a place that restores, a place I am at peace. I didn’t get a chance to tell any of this to Christy, but she knew I was going for a hike with the intend of taking some pictures.

The answer about the ETA was delayed and didn’t come. Christy assured me that she would call to let me know when I can expect the check as soon as she would hear back from accounts payable. I thanked her for all of her help and her efforts in getting this straightened out and I told her that she didn’t have to do that. I knew she would follow up to ensure I was getting my money and that was perfect for me. I heard it in her sincerity, in her truly felt compassion as she was talking to me and I knew that if she could have made this whole thing disappear or to never make it happen the begin with, she would have. A moment of silence fell before Christy’s voice came back through the receiver and she said “You know what Mrs. ……., it is people like yourself that make my job just a little easier. Thank you very much. I thanked Christy and told her that it was a tall order having to call an upset customer to apologize for something like this. With certainty the person on the other end would be upset, maybe unable to keep their emotions and temper in check, only to let you have an ear full for sure. It would be up to you to make it right by apologizing for the mistake and oversight of somebody else, for something that you didn’t even do and I thanked her again for her help. Once again Christy responded and this time she said “Oh my god, you just made my day”. After a few more promises to follow up before the call ended, I felt elated that I could do something so minute to make her day.

Shortly afterwards I was on my way to my retreat, but Christy stayed on my mind long after. I wondered if she had to make similar calls like this in the past and it wasn’t hard to envision a different outcome. I have been there myself and knew all too well how it felt. Not getting a word, being yelled at, all while trying to apologize for something you were completely innocent of.

It was in those moments, thinking of Christy that the outline for this post was born and that I would somehow find a way to share with her that she had made my day as well. That I would take a picture for Christy to share my vision of my beautiful home, Mother Nature through my eyes, through my lens.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that the choice is ours of how we react to the things that happen around us and especially to the people around us. If we learn to become a little less selfish and show just a little more compassion for others while understanding that, well yes “shit happens” and it happens to everyone. Just imagine what could be! Realize that the power of one is strong and everybody can make a difference. It may has happened to you and you may have found yourself in the midst of somebody’s anger, but this is not one to pay forward and the choice is yours. I hope you choose to make a difference. Because you can. ❤️
These pictures were taken on that day and are dedicated to Christy. Thank you again for making a difference for me. You are amazing….

Posted in Experience, Inspiration, Life, Motivation,, My story, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Survival, Wisdom


I consider myself a fairly crafty person and I love the whole creation process. Letting my imagination run wild, I love to make a project come alive. It brings me a level of feeling accomplished, while evoking the humble pride of making something out of nothing. It is amongst some of the many activities I enjoy doing and if I take too long of a break from it, I do feel the urge to create rise up from deep within me. It is soothing and relaxing for my soul as if it was soul food. People often comment about my creativity which comes alive through my crafts, my photography, in my paintings or through discussions and ideas. It is spontaneous and requires little effort on my part. I’m blessed that it comes naturally and I don’t take it for granted.
I remember making this bracelet, a black leather band with a simple word charm. One little word to make a statement and demonstrate something meaningful. Something that could express a personal mantra and believe, perhaps a state of being. I had no preconceived notion of what I was going to pick and my mind was clear. It was free of expectations, almost as if I had sent my mind into a few hours of recess to let creativity take over. All I knew was that it should make a statement and describe something meaningful. I had many choices during the selection process and in the end it was the word “Faith” that spoke to me. Without further thought I selected it and the birth of this bracelet was in it’s early creation stages. 

I wear it often, but I never thought about why I selected this particular word and why it stirred the emotions it did. After all I was a believer in faith and perhaps that was determining enough as to why this word stood out. Today I might even challenge it and look at it as a sign, a message to be patient and to have faith, which by the way I needed in large amounts. Today, everything has turned into signs and I am more aware now which makes me ready to not let these signs go unnoticed. The mind believes what it wants to believe and I say to go for it if it brings you purpose and makes you feel good. What you believe is sacred to you, customized to your unique life. It does not require the approval of others as their situations are unique to them living their own life, trying to figure what their own path is. 

Believe and faith were two key words for me and without them, I wonder what truly remains and would help us live a meaningful life! Meaningful, a word with differentiation from person to person, a word we have to pursue and figure out for ourselves. As I was writing this I was trying to name people who lived a truly meaningful life. People who knew they did, people who could appreciate their blessings and people who were working towards their purpose. Maybe in my eyes they did, but I also knew that there view was much different than mine. So I wonder what is left if we don’t hold on, if we don’t have the faith to believe? Wouldn’t it be a negative self destroying existence? I picture it as lonely and dark, with no hope, but filled with negative thoughts and much pain. A playground to feed the ego and create misery.

I was wearing my faith bracelet to work the other day and as you know by now it’s much more than just a fashion accessory to me. Helping a customer, I saw him glancing at my bracelet which was followed by a faint shy smile once he realized that I had noticed his gaze. He was not from here, a foreigner like myself which was further confirmed in his broken English as he pointed towards the bracelet, still smiling and saying that it was nice. Thanking him he asked if it was my name and I declined. It made him smile even bigger as it took out the selfish reasons concerned with the “I” (the ego) as to why I was wearing it. His faint smile turned into a huge smile as he pointed towards the bracelet again and repeated “That’s nice.”

I wanted to share this incident with you to remind you to keep believing. Life is tough at times, with many tests that are often too hard to understand, yet they are the very essence that helps us grow into the beautiful people we become. Nobody has ever become wise without seeing pain along the way. Your experiences will help others and one day your strength will help somebody else overcome and hold on. It is bigger then you and others may find a way to believe through your faith.

So please be strong, believe and keep the faith. ❤️

Posted in Experience, Inspiration, Life, Motivation,, My story, Photography, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Survival, Wisdom

Dear Diary…

Working the closing shift has pro’s and con’s, but I do enjoy the quiet before jumping into my hectic retail life. To ease into the day, fix my cup of coffee and cuddle myself on the couch for a little while. It’s almost like a ritual, a sacred time that I use to interact with the world and with YOU, who have become such a big part of my life.As I sat there it came to mind that I had always enjoyed writing. As a kid, or perhaps as a teenager I should say, I always kept a diary. Preferably one with a lock to keep my thoughts, sorrows and fantasies a secret. The swooning over a boy, the heartache of being a wallflower without being noticed, the first kiss or some other wild adventure my Mom probably would have not approved of. I would say that I was a good kid (weren’t we all) but just like anybody else, I did have a few stories. The first experiences, the first heartaches and the first encounters with the ego which back then was nothing more than a stranger I couldn’t recognize but who was already trying to keep me hostage.

I mainly used the diary to help me feel better, to write down things that bothered me and there was always a certain amount of relief when I did so. Now years after, they were safely locked away while being locked into a cosmetic case at my moms house. Double locked as if they needed top secret protection. They didn’t, but I probably would have been embarrassed if my Mom got a hold of them. I pulled them out last year as I went back to Germany to visit and I noticed that I missed to record most of the happy times. There had to been some, right? The pages were mostly filled with despair in order to get problems off of my chest and I sensed the cry for relief of finding hope between the lines. The diary never answered back but it made me feel better. 

After many years and well into my adult life, I started to write again in 2011. So much time had past but I never made the connection as to why I wrote. Maybe it was just the cool thing to do back then and it was hip to have a diary, maybe I saw one of “the popular” girls have one and I followed. I never knew and in either way, writing never held a grudge about me  abandoning it for so many years. Besides the need of getting things off of my chest, there was a difference though and I wasn’t writing to lock everything away. I wanted to share my experiences and there was a need to help, a need to be heard. I dedicated much time to the journey but as life often does, it dragged me away and kept me so busy that I lost track. I stopped writing and while the pages remained a part of my journey, they only collected dust these days and went for the most part unnoticed. Kind of like the pages double locked in my cosmetic case. 

Five years later I’m back, once again, with more wisdom, more experiences and a deeper journey to finally arrive, find my purpose and become whatever I’m meant to be. I’m still figuring it out but it definitely had required being a warrior in the process of it. I came across WordPress and I’m humbled by the people that I have met so far. To read your stories and to see that we share a common ground as to why we write. Whether it is to share and find relief, to confess to a stranger that doesn’t know us and won’t judge us, or to be a voice for others, to share our journey and to let others know that they are not alone, to inspire and provide hope in dark times, to feel a sense of belonging, to find our spot amongst society, to contribute and feel valued, or to simply be heard. I know that there are many more reasons but whatever your reason may be, you should know that you have made a difference for me. I thank you for being you and for your stories that have inspired me beyond words. I know that this time around, I’m here to stay in the pursuit of sharing my own story and in my dream of becoming a writer full time. I remain in the hopes to inspire and to help someone along, maybe to bring a smile to your face or to let you know that you are not alone. I couldn’t ask for anything more and it makes me happy to know the great company I find myself in. Thank you ❤️

Posted in Experience, Inspiration, Life, My story, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Survival

The bloody highway…

It’s not a pleasant subject to write about, but it’s been on my mind and I’m hoping to get something off my chest. For the past fifteen years I’ve been driving the same highway back and forth to work. It’s a twenty plus mile stretch, uneventful unless it’s wintertime and the hilly up’s and down’s can cause a problem. I just remembered that I am born on the day of up’s and down’s, so it’s only fitting that a few of those are stretched across my path. Strangely in all the years driving it, I never made the connection until now. Maybe I just never gave it much thought and the mind believes what it wants to believe, but that is not what I’m writing about tonight.

I have noticed an increase in roadkill lately and the road seems to be littered with poor little souls gone before their time. I call it that way since getting hit by a car is hardly a natural cause of dying. It’s an unwilling act delivered at the hands of someone else, in this case the tires of a steel monster. I find it hard to see their lifeless bodies on the road. The blood stains that make my heart drop every time that I encounter a rabbit, a deer and even the occasional dog, skunk or raccoon. 

It has been my worst fear to hit an animal and I’m not sure why the toll and the claim of those poor lives lost has gone up. It’s hard to imagine that I never noticed it before so there has to be an increase in wildlife. Where they migrating in a different path then before and if so, why, what was the reason for it? Perhaps we were driving too fast, unable to stop and to avoid hitting the animal? Could it be that we are too rushed? Personally I leave early to allow extra time to get to my destination but you already know that about me. Maybe it was normal and nothing within our control, but to say the least, it was painful to see. 

I have always enjoyed driving and considered myself a good defensive driver, but I have to admit that driving as of lately had become somewhat like an act of survival. People never seemed to have time anymore, always running late which made the freeway become a theme of survival for the fittest. I can’t recall how many times I might have ticked people off by only going five to ten miles over the speed limit. Like a irritating nuisance and at the first chance possible, the car that had been behind me so closely that I couldn’t even see their bumper, was finally rushing around me, only to cut me off in anger because I wasn’t going any faster. And believe me that growing up in Germany and on the Autobahn, I was anything else but a slow driver. And yet I did seek the opportunity to slow down whenever I could and breathe some quality into my life in general. 

Two nights ago driving home from work, it happened. A rabbit was charging from the right side of the sagebrush, heading straight for the oncoming traffic, ME. Squealing brakes and a thud on the right tire or bumper, I’m not sure but I knew I had hit him. I never felt a bump. What I feared for so long and was grateful that I never had to experience before, happened and I hit a poor little soul. My heart immediately sank… I felt sick to my stomach and like a coward I couldn’t even stop to turn around and stare death in the eye. I had to do so a few times before and I was still traumatized and haunted from those images. I drove on and all I could hope for was that the poor little soul didn’t have to struggle. Besides the faint glimmer of hope that he was ok. Despite it happening so fast, I didn’t feel a bump and it restored a fraction of hope I so desperately needed. Of course I didn’t know for sure and I needed to go back and look. I couldn’t do so and I was afraid to add another traumatizing picture to my collection. Later that night, I struggled to sleep and I couldn’t find peace. My mind was still racing, contemplating all the scenarios and “what if’s” once again. Coming up with gruesome images of the struggling animal, I even went as far as to blame myself for not being able to finish him off. The fear of what I might find was too great and so I had let him suffer for the protection of my own soul.

Man I tell you, the mind can be a messed up thing and there is truth to it when we say that misery likes company. The ego is capable of creating a horror story like no other. Our own self inflicted suffering begins and the ego is no friend of ours, trust me. I have learned this awhile back and for the most part I have become aware, which by the way puts the ego in check. On that very night and in that very vulnerable moment, the ego found a way into my mind and it was having a blast torturing me. It took advantage of a weak moment…

By the way…the next morning I was afraid to drive by the very spot in which the incident of the “thud” had occurred. I was avoiding to look which is nearly impossible given that you keep your eyes on the road and pay attention not to run another poor little soul over. To my relief there was no dead animal carcass further driving guilt into my tired, nerve stricken soul and I choose to believe that the lucky little soul got away with a little scare that will keep him away from all cars in the future. ❤️

Safe travels everyone…

Posted in Art, Experience, Inspiration, Life, Motivation,, My story, Photography, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Survival

Perception-Truth or Judment…YOU decide! 

Food for thought…
By now I had plenty of opportunities to learn that things are hardly ever as they seem. Especially when it comes to the truth in comparison to how they appear to our perception, the ego. Either a big sigh of relief engulfs us when things turn out better as we expected them to be, or a hint of disappointment creeps up when the situation varies from the mental short film of our expectations that burned itself into our minds. Perhaps we encountered a different reaction in regards to our efforts, maybe the reaction was non-existent all together. What a waste of time I might have thought in the past when basic courtesies fell to the wayside and I was left with no choice other then to check it off due to a lack of appreciation and gratitude. Our perception forms what we believe it to be the truth, based on little to no facts, which eventually cause us to either stop doing those things all together, or we stop caring.
Sad…when you think about how often the truth is passed up when we let only perception rule our lives.
They say that the perception of somebody becomes their truth and somehow this never sat well with me. I didn’t want to believe in it and although I knew it to be the truth of many, I didn’t wanted it to be my truth. I had seen too many hurt in the process of perception as it does not know the “real truth”, the deciding facts which without lead to false impressions, judgement and pain. By no means am I saying that first impressions are not important, and on many occasions my initial gut feeling was right on in seizing a situation. I guess I’m trying to invoke the consideration of giving perception the doubt in the pursuit of the facts, the truth, more love for each other, more compassion and less pain.
Perception may be the furthest from the truth and yet it is somebody’s truth. Imagine what could be if we helped change that perception! Especially if it is a negative one as positive perceptions seldom require change. Imagine what could be if we stopped our own negative perception dead in its tracks!!! If we continued to listen to our hearts vs. letting the reaction of others rule what we wanted to do!!! Wasn’t there a reason why we did something the begin with and didn’t we do those things out of the kindness of our heart?

Shouldn’t we continue to be who we are, regardless of others and their perception of us? So how can we do that you might wonder and once again I can only speak from my own experiences. My choice is not to jump to conclusion, to learn the facts, by giving somebody the time of the day, by not passing judgement and becoming aware of my own thoughts.

I know I’m a dreamer filled with hope, maybe a little naive at times but always convinced about the good in the world and that anything is possible if we put our mind to it….so….Wouldn’t that be a wild idea and worth trying?

Posted in Inspiration, My story, Photography


Picture of Rocky at the Animal Ark in Reno, NV, a wildlife sanctuary for injured and orphaned animals. And yes, I visit him often 😉

Warning, this post is something a little different from what I usually write about, but it is something that happened last night and it got me excited enough to share with you. It’s the little things that often bring me the biggest of joys and I hope you can enjoy as well. ❤️

As the full sturgeon moon was dominating the night sky, it was as if it’s bright afterglow was pointing a flashlight onto Mother Earth. It was late and I was driving home when my headlights caught a set of eyes and a round little figure heading for a storm gutter. Effortless it disappeared, even though it seemed so much bigger than the opening it vanished into. I knew right away what and who had escaped my view so quickly. I had to hang out for awhile to hopefully see more and turned into the quiet side road. I came to a stop in front of the storm gutter that was to my right and I waited full of hope to be granted another glimpse.
It was silent, nothing happened and for a moment I thought for sure that I had scared the round little fur ball off. I was almost ready to leave as little hands emerged, reaching towards the full moon. Eventually a head was peeking out, looking from side to side until the entire little creature was finally sitting next to the drain. Just sitting there, waiting, it was looking up at the moon as if it was admiring it’s beautiful glow. Then another set of hands appeared as yet something else caught my eye. It was moving from the other side of the street and came from the house that was engulfed by trees, warning signs to keep out and strange metal signs that adorned the fence, one of them being a raccoon crossing sign, along with other somewhat creepy little statues of skulls and demons. The vegetation had grown in so much and was so thick, you could have thought that you found yourself in a little patch of jungle. You couldn’t even see what the actual house looked like and the vegetation served as a living fence. That was exactly where the movement came from and I turned my head towards that direction.

And then I saw her and there she was….Roslyn….the neighborhood raccoon. It wasn’t our first encounter and I always kept an eye out for her when I drove through the neighborhood at night, but I hadn’t seen her in forever. And yes I did name her as I do all animals I come in contact with, since they are all living souls to me. 😉

Roslyn had come out of the shrubs, walking side ways with her back arched and rounded like a cat who was going to defend her little pack against the steel monster. She appeared to be floating across the road, on her tippy toes all while never losing eye contact with me. It looked a bit silly, like a coon stand off, (wait is there such a thing lol) and it made me smile as she danced across the road to say the least. She saw me, or perhaps I should say that it was me who saw her for the first time this evening. I was sure that while I was watching her babies, I was the one being watched by her and perhaps she had taken on this stance with the instinct of protecting her young. My windows were rolled down during this warm summer night as she paused in front of my car just a short distance away. She was still impressive and unpredictable and for a moment I considered if she was going to attack my car or crawl underneath. But then her back was beginning to relax and though she knew I was there, perhaps I was no longer a threat.

The second baby had emerged by now as she went to greet her family, reassuring them with motherly love that everything was ok. Reunited, it was neat to watch them interact for a few minutes before Roslyn began to step back out into street towards the jungle house. She stopped in front of my car and looked at me while I was fumbling with my phone and another camera trying to get a picture. Of course to no avail and it was too dark. She turned towards her young and made a noise I had never heard before. Immediately her little ones jumped into action as she called them to follow her. The little raccoon train past in front of my car and turned left to walk past the side of my window. I looked out and saw the little gang pass right underneath me. For a moment our eyes met as Roslyn looked up at me before the three bodies vanished into the thick bush. For a few minutes she had granted me to watch her and her family and I was happy that the timing had aligned and I got to see the proud Momma and her pack.

I will be looking for you Roslyn ❤️

Posted in Buddhism, Experience, Inspiration, Life, Motivation,, My story, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Survival

Negativity – The emotional vampire

Another thing that I had to learn and what was standing in the way of playing well with others was that I had no interest in the negativity that was derived from that “gossip wagon”. Everybody was entitled to their own opinion and I full heartily believed in that, but it was the negative view and the negativity itself that sucked the life right out of me. I felt a great dislike, a discomfort and a disturbance if you will, whenever I was around those vibes. I knew right away that this wasn’t my cup of tea.

Have you ever noticed the emotional little vampires that buzz around you every day? Ever heard the saying that “Attitude is contagious”? I truly believed in it, but chose not to adapt to the same attitude or to become a negative mind in the process. Not if I could help it, even though I couldn’t deny that being around those complaining, always seemingly unhappy people was definitely affecting my own vibe. I could feel it wanting to rub off on me and I despised it. I knew that there was nothing to gain and it was always the same outcome. I wondered if something was ever resolved from that method but I guess I would have had to stick around to find out. I saw the same groups of people, huddling with new toxic subjects of negativity, filling the daily gripe in rallying each other up. The negative little vampires seemed to have an opinion about everything and knew everything better than everyone else on top of it.

Eventually I started to avoid their company. I could no longer bestow the doubt of them just having a bad day and it turned out to be an ongoing series of only bad days. We all have bad days, perhaps when things don’t turn out as expected or if life throws us a curve ball. But come on….every day!!! It was the same, day in and day out and it was mind boggling how much effort was directed towards being so negative. There was never a glimmer of hope, never a possibility for the positive, just a negative view of everything and anything that was on today’s menu. I wondered how amazing it would be if all that energy was directed into their jobs, but then this would be an entirely different chapter, wouldn’t it?

The gap of becoming an outsider widened. I couldn’t relate with the emotional vampires and they couldn’t relate with me. I was strange and different and what we learned so far is that I didn’t like to gossip and that I didn’t like to feed into negativity. By nature I am an optimist at heart but in short I was lacking interpersonal savvy and “I didn’t play well with other’s”. Perhaps interpersonal skills and playing well with others required to be tolerant or even join the gossip of being negative. I didn’t know and I didn’t waste much time with it. If that was the case, it would require me to change and I didn’t want to change for the acceptance to fit in.

I felt drained from their behavior and while life was not excluding me, I had my own share of negative experiences. I saw little resolution in choosing the negative approach. What was I to gain from literally chanting louder and louder, bitching about my situation and letting everybody know how much it sucked and how displeased I was? Would it miraculously change and fix itself? Maybe I would get temporary relief of getting it all out there and getting it off of my chest. In parts I believed that it would be healthy to not harbor negative feelings inside and to hold on to anger and frustration. I don’t know, maybe I should try it, but I didn’t like the way it made me feel. Feeling my blood pressure rise, I associated this behavior with bitterness, hate and great dislike. That doesn’t mean that I smiled at a lousy situation that was happening to me or that I even liked it, but I looked at it more like a lesson. For sure there was something to take away from it, something that was to be learned. And I knew that many of the most important lessons we learn are born out of hardship and adversity. Bad things happen to everybody and nobody is exempt, but how we react and what we take away from these situations is up to us. I found it to be much healthier for myself to uphold and focus on my inner peace and not to disturb that balance, but once again it only caused others to abstain from relating to me.

I became stranger by the minute. At least in their eyes….

And then I came across this quote and all made sense once again. I was still on my way and I was coming home to myself.

Posted in Buddhism, Experience, Inspiration, Life, Motivation,, My story, Photography, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Survival

Does not play well with others 

I felt fewer and fewer people were relating with me. Perhaps it had been like this for a long time, but it was now that a new emphasis was shed onto the subject to make me reevaluate the “why’s”. I was quiet and only shared my opinions on a few occasions, but there were also times that I had to stand up for my beliefs. I called it the warrior side of myself that fought for the rights of innocent others and my own unique nature. I did so in a non confronting manner, more through sharing, but by not allowing my values and beliefs to be swept under the rug or to be labeled as unimportant and false.
I remember a performance evaluation at a prior job and it was narrowed down that I needed to work on my interpersonal savvy. Interpersonal skills are used by people to interact with others properly. “Properly” it said, leaving me to believe as if I didn’t know how to get along with others and clearly the fault must have been with me. It was nagging on me for a long time. How could it be, I always wanted to contribute and help others, I just wanted to be a part of the team and claim my rightful spot! Where was that and what did that even mean, to contribute and help others? Where was my spot? Maybe they didn’t need my help and clearly they didn’t viewed me as somebody they wanted help from. After all it was me who had to work on interacting with others “properly”. I contemplated the varies of the subject and learned about what I believed to be my part and what I thought could have caused the divide. I didn’t know if it was truly a fault of mine or was the world just not accepting of my individuality? Was the goal to change me, to lose my unique identity so I could join the herds and masses of it’s followers? I once heard that the “M” in masses is sometime silent and while I thought it was funny in the moment, I also felt a certain level of sadness from the quote for those that might find themselves in the midst of the masses, unable to pursue their identity. Here are a few thoughts that came to mind and what I believed to be the contributing factor as to why I didn’t play well with others.

* I was unwilling to join the gossip wagon. I stayed away from harmful conversations that expressed the hurtful opinions of others. The ones who did all the talking and knew little to no facts, the ones that were still eager to share their “perceived truths” at the cost of others. I knew how painful and unjustified these comments could be and I wasn’t willing to form an opinion without the facts. Even if my own opinion was present, it wasn’t meant to be displayed for the cost of ridicule, for the expense of somebody else. In that case the victim of the conversation that wasn’t here to defend themselves. It is normal to have impressions and opinions, we all have them, we all are human, but it was not somethings I wasn’t going to verbalize in a group and publicly share.

People couldn’t relate with my reaction, did I not have an opinion, why was there nothing to say? I walked away from the conversation so I would not expose myself to the temptation of forming a negative opinion about the ones shaming another human being. I avoided confrontation, not because I was afraid of it, but because it was a battle that wasn’t to be won in a group setting. Being one against many, I believe in the power of one and know that each and everyone can make a difference. Yet timing is everything and this was not the time.

That was back then and I know that more has changed since then. I learned to choose my battles while staying true to my beliefs. I no longer feel the need to explain as to why I don’t want to join the gossip wagon. I have lost the drive to fight for acceptance in explaining my opinions for the hopes they are to be understood. It’s a given to show compassion for each other, to help each other along and lend a helping hand. And while I will never give up, I know that this is an endless battle that is perhaps not won in numbers but by influencing one person at a time. It is my mission to lead and influence, one person at a time, to create a movement that promotes all good in humanity. A huge goal that seems daunting but is also simple as it requires nothing more than to be myself. You can love me or leave me and I hope you shoot for the first part.

I am grateful that I achieved that level of freedom while reminding myself that we all are in different parts of our own journey.
Conclusion…Sadly I will never have interpersonal savvy if it requires me to lose who I am in order to find my spot amongst today’s common behaviors. Happily I accept this as my truth and continue the fight for my inner warrior to be free from those constraints. And as Ellen would say…”Be kind to each other”.

Posted in Buddhism, Experience, Inspiration, Life, Motivation,, My story, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Wisdom

Today’s vibe…Be yourself

Not a quote but something I came across and was pondering.

While we seek acceptance and our place in the world…

While we hope to be heard in our yearning to contribute to humanity…

And while we alter and adjust ourselves, to portray who we believe that society wants us to be….have you ever wondered if it is worth the price of losing yourself in the progress? Have you ever considered the sacrifice you are making when you suppress your true self? Exhausting to say the least. We need to remember to uphold and embrace the truest/purest version of ourselves. One that is free to soar without being stifled by the need of becoming a more acceptable version. Who decides this anyways, you are beautiful just the way you are.

Be yourself and embrace your own unique light….the world will adjust!