Black Moon rising

Picture of my moon lamp, a special birthday present ❤️

So what is a black moon? When a month has 2 new moons, the second new moon is a black moon. July had two with the second one being today on this last day of July.

There’s about to be a shift in your life. A good one this time and I believe we can all use it. Get ready for your blessings. You’ve been through enough and a breakthrough is on the way. Don’t doubt it, just claim it.

This new moon ends a chaotic July new moon full moon eclipse, and August will feel more like normal. This new moon also marks the end of mercury retrograde which ends on the same day. New moons are times of new energy so expect new miracles. It’s also a super moon, doubling the miracles and breakthroughs. With the new moon in Leo you can expect love, fun and exciting vibes.

Get ready….

Don’t delay

Going through some old things, I found an old picture of Mom and me. It was taken during a visit to Germany and a I can tell it’s taken in her house, in the kitchen. She looks genuinely happy in this picture, with a natural, non forced smile. Few pictures like this exist prior to last year as I was there for ten month. It was almost as if she learned to live again, to enjoy basic and simple things in life and when she allowed me to take more pictures of her.

I immediately set the picture aside thinking of sharing it with her the next time we FaceTime. The last time we talked was on Sunday, except that I forgot to show her and realized it after we disconnected. “No big deal” I thought since we were going to talk the very next day again. Monday morning came but instead of talking to Mom, I woke up to a message from Germany saying that Mom would be hospitalized the same day. She has gained 15 kilos since April which appears to be all water weight. I don’t know anything else yet but I imagine the additional water in her body is causing problems with her organs etc. I am almost afraid to ask and my fingers are crossed tightly for her and for a speedy recovery. I couldn’t tell anything from talking to her the day before. She always keeps everything perfectly hidden or blows it off. “What are you going to do anyways so far away” she has responded when I confronted her, and often I think she simply doesn’t understand the seriousness of things. Perhaps she is living in a world of ignorant bliss where it’s just simpler and safer not to know. I often thought of it as a protection mechanism that kicked in after the early death of my father. I once read something about it and there is an actual medical term for it. It’s like our soul is choosing to cut certain painful things out of our life’s in order to protect ourselves from the things we might struggle to overcome.

Needless to say, I never got to talk to her and I never got to show her that picture. It made me sad, really, and like so many things happening in my life these days it made me think. How something so simple and seemingly little can turn into future regrets and missed opportunities. Some of which we may never get another chance to play out or repeat. It made me sad for her, having to face the hospital again, and having to do it alone. She has been in and out of the hospital so much over the past two years. I am not sure if there can be a time when I don’t feel sad and where my heart won’t ache for her. It is a battle that holds me within its grip, never fully allowing me to live my own life. I know what I have done for her, what sacrifices I have brought to the table and what challenges I have faced. And somehow I still can’t look at it and say that I’ve done everything I could.

For me one thing is for sure today, and that is to not delay anything if we can help it. We might never get another chance. Pick up that phone and call today, don’t wait, make it count and ask yourself if you could live with yourself if another chance never came. I know it’s not easy and often we don’t even realize the impact. But maybe we can try to be just a little bit more aware and make that conscious effort. May you never know the regrets of a missed opportunity and may peace be with you always. ❤️🦋

The simple life

I am an old soul that sees many parallels of the past and this life. I know I have fought for what’s important before, and I am no stranger to being a warrior. However, would you believe it if I told you that I don’t like to fight and that my strongest weapons represent love and faith? So much can be achieved when we believe, have faith and meet our challenges or challengers with love. In a way we fight every day, but there is a way to do it. It’s just a matter of finding out for ourselves what that way represents.

I like the simple things of life such as letting out the inner child and never forgetting that she exists. To let her laugh with Childlike abandonmentment and not worry about a thing for as long as I can.

I like old bookstores and the feel of an actual book in my hands. There is something soothing in the smell of the paper, perhaps it’s a distant memory of what once was.

I like the smell of coffee brewing and that first sip is always the best. You know what I mean.

I love the sound of rain and rainy days make the best cuddling days or just letting your mind go.

I like to hike to a special place, to find serenity and solitude, alongside a piece of heaven where I can breathe deeply and take a good nap.

I like the charm of a farmhouse porch and the simplicity found within the concept that less is actually more.

I like sunsets and the sweet and often little things that remind me that life doesn’t have to be complicated to be beautiful.

I like to dream big and small and chase the possibility of an adventure as often as possible. After all it is our dreams that keep us going, that keep us aspiring, that keep us alive.

I am constantly learning and I strive to push myself to be better and make the most out of every day.

I have learned to say that I am enough. To be content knowing that I will always do my best even when I feel that I fell short of that. It may not be perfect, but no human is. This will never sound as an excuse, but as a reminder to be patient with myself and to trust the process. I have learned to be forgiving, not just to others, but also to myself

Remember, you are exactly where you need to be. Good or bad, this moment will never return. Try to seize it and make the best out of it.

You got this you gorgeous and handsome soul. 💙

Little fuzzy guy

It was the day after my birthday, last Sunday as we hiked and chilled out at one of our favorite spots, overlooking a non crowded, beautiful Sierra lake. Many people had left messages, wishing for my new year of life to be the best one yet. I looked at it as if a new book had opened, with only blank pages for me to write my own story. A story not dependent on anyone or anything, a story up to me with my visions, my perceptions – mind-frame, my aspirations and dreams, as to what content it would hold. What story would I write? Somehow I felt that it would be the greatest yet, and the dreamer in me wants to believe that the best is yet to come.

A butterfly landed on me several times that day, reminding me of the transformation and changes that were sure to come. I have always felt and even said this before that 2019 was going to be a year of preparation and transition. Slowly, I can see the pieces falling into place and the unavoidable can no longer be prolonged. The butterfly, as well as how many times it landed on me brought a for certain message for this believer of spiritual signs, especially through the animal spirit. It was happening and in the process. I knew I had to get ready, to prepare for the next step.

Later that day I took a nap and woke from a little tickle I thought it might have been an ant. But wait, this felt different and the little tickle turned into an immediate burning sensation at my right knee area. I sat up and saw this little fuzzy guy, cute little caterpillar right next to me. I didn’t know what happened and there were plenty of times in the past where I picked them up and held them in my hand. But not this one and this one wasn’t friendly at all. His bottom side was red and my skin was on fire were it must have touched me, swelling into red hives and welts. Eventually, I relocated Mr. Cater-k-iller and put a wet, cool compress on the leg which helped ease the discomfort. After a little while the pain stopped getting worse and even later it eased a bit. Oh my goodness I thought, I got it alright. Another message about transformation, letting me know that this one was going to sting quite a bit.

Once evening had arrived and I was back home, I found a little something from the The Minds Journal that seemed appropriate for the journey ahead of me. Really ahead of any of us, because transformation happens all the time, to all of us. We grow into different people, often outgrowing the person we once were. We ascend (hopefully) and what we once valued, may no longer fit us. Life is ever changing and so are we. So this little piece was relevant for me and I hope it speaks to you as well, because….

Nobody ever talks about this part….

You know, the part when you’re no longer a caterpillar and not yet a butterfly. You don’t know who you are and you don’t know where you’re going. All you know is that every fiber of your being is calling for transformation. For disruption. For a revolution of the spirit.

So surrender. Breakdown. This is not the death of you. This is the dying of who you once were. This is your rebirth darling. And these are called growing pains.

Trust the process…🦋

The Lions Gate Portal

I am a firm believer that we stumble upon information and signs on purpose and nothing is coincidence. Miraculously information appears when we are meant to receive certain messages. And so it was when I visited Bernice‘s blog and came across some information about the lion gate portal. I was so intrigued, I even went as far as to steal this graphic from her, (slightly ashamed, without even asking permission first – yikes) because there is no better picture that could do a post like this justice, and she knew it. She has excellent taste and is a wise and beautiful soul. If you have never read her powerful words, please be sure to stop by and pay her a visit.

Needless to say I felt compelled to research the information some more, for myself as well as for you. Much has been going on with the July full moon eclipse as well as the mars retrograde. Have you been holding on to your sanity? I hope so. Now what, I initially thought as I first saw the post, what’s the deal with this lion gate portal and what do I need to know?

The lion gate is a very special time in the sacred year. It is the moment when a new cycle of time creation begins, and you are able to end and initiate time lines or time cycles. It is a quest to live your best life, merging all of your experiences from all of your life’s, into the powerful and ever present NOW moment. The sacred year begins on the 26th of July, and is preceded by the celebratory “Day out of time” on the 25th of July. The lions gate portal reaches its full aperture on the 8th of August under the constellation of Leo. Thereafter it begins to close and is completed by the 12th of August.

It is said that we are standing on the cusp of great change. Haven’t we all felt this? You could say that it’s been so for many years and rightfully so, but at this moment, and this time of the lions gate portal in 2019, you are truly entering into an accelerated time of transformation that will take you into 2020 and that will culminate in 2021.

The lions gate portal is guarded by two of the royal sirian lions who are known as “The lions of yesterday and tomorrow”. They are gatekeepers that ensure that only those who are grounded in the present moment and conscious of their path are able to transit through the portal and create another cycle of life in a conscious way. Are we ready to cast our intentions?

2019 to 2020 will be known as times of great potential and power. It will also be not an easy time as the chaos and storms around us continue to fuel the fires of transformation and change. Don’t resist and don’t forget to remember who you are in the process of it all. Never forget how blessed you are to hold this awareness and consciousness, while so many live in confusion and struggle with only the fearful ego to guide them. Hold on to your inner peace and remember that everything you are experiencing now is preparing you for your ultimate soul plan and who you truly are. Stay grounded and know that peace, safety, love and abundance is the ultimate outcome you are hanging on for. Focus simply on your passion and what you want to create and experience on earth as a divine blessing.

It will also be a time when you need to care for your body. It is the sacred temple of your soul, and it will take awhile for the body to adjust to the higher frequencies. You may feel exhausted. Surrender and relax. Stay alert to the signs and be gentle with yourself.

Be awake, be aware, be empowered.

All you need to do is simply make the choice and focus the intention as you create the dream.

Just because

Just because I laugh doesn’t mean I am not in pain.

Just because I have a smile on my face, doesn’t mean I’m feeling better.

Just because I choose me, doesn’t mean I’m selfish.

Just because I get frustrated and angry at my limitations, doesn’t mean I’ll give up.

Just because I cry, doesn’t not mean I’m weak.

Just because I’m judged by others, does my mean I am what they think.

Living with a chronic illness is hard and I do the best I can. I know it’s hard for you to truly understand band sadly you won’t truly get it, unless you get it.

I hope you never do….

No caption needed

No caption needed. Just sharing my backyard. Enjoy ❤️

Qawag

You already know how hard it can be to be an empath. You already know that it can be a blessing and a curse. It can bring along great comfort and a feeling of helping others, it may give you a sense of belonging and contributing, but it can also bring anxiety and disturb your inner peace. There is no running from it and you can’t just turn it off. You hear the unspoken and you pick up on the energies around you. Sometimes I’m sure you wished not to know because there lies a comfort in the bliss of less information. Not knowing allows your world to be ok, undisturbed by worries and the actions that often have to follow. It is a delicate balance, a balance that if wanting to be achieved calls for ways to protect yourself from the negative aspects. There is much to be learned about yourself, such as which are your emotions, and which belong to others. Once determined allows you to carry great compassion, to see and guide, but to also protect yourself. You will find that there is not a one fits all process and each situation and person will be different, so try to stay flexible and adjust. Know not only the burdens of this ability, but also recognize the gift you’ve been bestowed on.

The shamanic Quechuan word for empath is “Qawaq” which means “one who sees” living energy. The Incas believe that people born with the ability to experience the energy of others have a great blessing as they are able to connect to their souls and the spirit of existence much more easily than others.

Seize your blessings. ❤️

The Great Basin

Awakening the Great Basin was a free cultural event at our local museum, highlighting several Native American tribes living here in the Washoe valley. This included the Washoe Indians. Shoshone, Namaga, Navajo and Lakota natives. The timing was impeccable, given that I had just written about my own Native American beliefs.

I walked through the entrance of the museum where Native Americans greeted me in their full celebration costumes, adorned with embellishments of intricate beading, including headdresses and fans made out of the honorary feathers of the Bald Eagle. I was handed a program about the event and an invitation to a big Pow Wow held in August. Immediately I got choked up and could hardly talk. I felt the need to hug everyone as if it was a reunion with long lost friends. There it was again, that connection, that knowing of what perhaps was a prior life, and my strong emotions and ties to this culture. In silence I walked from stand to stand where beautiful handmade items where showcased, including demonstrations on basket weaving. It took me a comment to get my composure back as I glanced over the program and decided to partake in the upcoming opening ceremony. I had a few minutes to spare to secure a seat and was happy about a big turnout and the many people that had shown up to join this celebration.

After a few words from the Native American spokes person who arranged the event with the local museum, a Shoshone elder approached the stage to bless us all in a prayer of her native tongue. Of course I didn’t understand a word and yet it was powerful and moving. It hit home, right into my heart and I felt blessed to have received this prayer. Afterwards the drumming started with five men sitting around one big drum, drumming in unison and singing with a full heart while inviting the dressed up and dancing tribe members onto the stage. Various dances were demonstrated, explaining the different outfits and customs. Woman were dancing to the beat of the drum in their beautiful jingle dresses that were adorned with hundreds of small bells. Another dance showcased young girls and women with their fringed shawls, mimicking and celebrating the movement of the butterfly. While yet other dances showcased the young warriors of the tribes, or the more traditional male dancers of which movement mirrored battle and fighting. I could have stayed all day, but a few other tasks were waiting. However the memory of this experience will long stand out within my mind and I truly hope to attend the big Pow Wow at the end of August.

As the years pass

I am reminiscing this year, back to last year as Mom and I celebrated our birthdays together. It’s been so rare since I moved to the US and the birthdays we have celebrated together are not many. This picture was taken last year as Mom turned 80 (yesterday), and against all odds we made it happen to get her out of the nursing home and celebrate this special day at one of her favorite places, Colmberg Castle.

The next day (today) which is my birthday I was on the way taking the train to Mittenwald, a beautiful Bavarian alpine village. I was so excited of taking the train since it had been decades I last got to ride the train, and I still remember my excitement in such a simple thing.

What I am reminiscing about is how different this year is for Mom. I found her in a very different frame of mind as I FaceTimed with her this morning, and sometimes it’s hard for me not to take on the responsibility for her being. I know she had choices in earlier years, and I know that there is only so much I can take on and carry for her, but it’s still tough to realize that these things are out of my control.

I could tell right away that she was sad and depressed feeling. There was an unrest, an uneasy feeling and it didn’t take long before she mentioned that she wants to go home to her own house. She struggles through our conversation, trying to be cordial and polite, to be happy for it was her birthday, to laugh and joke with me. She managed alright, but it was hard work trying to keep the conversation lifted. I felt mentally drained after talking to her and it was hard not to feel sad for her. In a heartbeat I wished that same smile as last year could have repeated itself this year, but it wasn’t so. She struggles and has been in the nursing home over a year. From time to time it is so obvious and I don’t think she will ever adjust. She is waiting on me to bring her home. It’s a heavy burden that sometimes threatens to crush me underbite weight.

It made me sad talking to her, just witnessing the difference between last year and this year. Although she was still recovering from almost losing her life in the above picture, it’s written all over her face how happy she was to be out. There was purpose and hope, a will to go on, newfound inspiration in life. I see it slowly dwindling as hope is fading, and of course not all days are equal. She has her good ones just like we do until something happens and then the bad ones catch up again. It’s always written all over her face and you can’t miss it. I have thought about all of this so much, how to help her, how to help myself first and become healthy enough to even be in a position to do so. Round and round it goes and there is never a solution. There is still the house and all of her belongings. To sell it would mean the end of our relationship as she would never forgive me. Sometimes the lose ends are simply too overwhelming.