Big Bear Lake
Doing what I love
We don’t always get to do what we love and sometimes we have to make due with whatever it is, that we have to do. I think we can all relate feeling stuck a time or two, but hopefully we found the opportunity to work towards changing our stars so we can enjoy the things that we love. We can always make changes and we are only stuck as long as we allow the things to keep us stuck. Maybe I’m naive or a dreamer but I believe that there is always a choice to be made.
It’s no secret that on my day off you will probably find me on the trail. Far from the crowds, I love the silence where I can hear myself think. Where often, there is no wifi connection and no important updates, messages and calls that need to be taken. For that day and for whatever time spent away, it is me who puts life on a little hold, even though it continues and goes on with or without my awareness. I’m simply not available.
Today is no different and I’m spending my birthday in the mountains in the hope of escaping the smoke from all the recent wildfires. The brown-grey mass is lingering like a band of thick fog in the sky and I hope to maybe get above it tomorrow to enjoy a better air quality and the view of my beloved mountains.
Have a beautiful day everybody. Xo 💙
Hold the vision,
I might get bogged down with the RA (Rheumatoid arthritis) at times but it will never make me waver from my path. At least I hope it won’t and I would fight it with all my might.
So when things do get tough with whatever it is you are facing, remember to always…..
“Hold the vision and trust the process”
Finding your moments
I was little when I flew my first kite. I still remember the wooden sticks that were attached to the main frame that ran through the center of my kite. Metal enforcement rings prevented the material from ripping and held the wingspans of my green airplane in place. I can still visualize the look of it and I still remember holding on to the spool of string. My head tilted way back, I was never losing sight of my little plane as I was watching it dance in the summer breeze. I was with my dad who was in charge of take off, and who would hand me the controls once the kite was up in the air and steady enough to stay there for awhile.
Years ago I bought a kite, a dragon (coincidental I am a dragon in the Chinese horoscope and sometimes I wonder if there is a relation as to why I picked a dragon) that ended up laying around for many years. It wasn’t until my recent trip to the ocean earlier this year, that the dragon came along, but it was too big and heavy and the wind conditions were less than perfect to fly it, unless you would continue to run up and down the ocean to keep it in the air. A few weeks later, determined and with the call of flying a kite still strong, I bought a smaller, lighter kite. I strapped it to my backpack last week and got to fly it for the first time. I had a lot of fun and I will definitely do it again sometime. I remembered a few things and the experience took me back in time, back to my childhood and back to the moments with few responsibilities. Even though it already was my sole responsibility not to crash my kite. Perhaps I was less concerned about crashing, for I would simply try again. I guess what I’m trying to say and what has me pondering things lately has to do with time and creating your own kind of magic. Do you remember the moments in your life that have turned into pure magic? Moments that made time stand still or at least make time slow down a bit? After all these years, the moments of flying a kite with my dad are forever engraved into my memory. I remember the feel, the laughter and the carefree moments. Why not repeat those moments in our adult lives? Do the moments that brought us so much joy, no longer fit into the grown up way of behaving? I wonder if that is the reason or if we potentially are afraid to look silly. Life is serious as an adult, isn’t it, we better behave accordingly. Yes it was different this time around, I’m no longer a child and I flew my kite without my dad, but I remembered our adventure, I smiled, felt childlike abandon and I had fun. I remembered those special moments and connected in spirit, I watched the little kite dance through the warm summer breeze. Life was good….
I hope you remember days with little responsibility, days filled with adventure and play and I hope you find your very own, special, moments.
Lazy Day
I’m working split days this week, due to a dentist appointment today and my birthday on Thursday. My birthday smile is sparkling, even though my birthday had nothing to do with my teeth cleaning. It’s just one more thing that was on the agenda and that is done. I even got to wear civilian clothing today besides the work uniform or hiking attire you usually find me in on my day off. I got to get dressy for the dentist, whoohooo and sometimes I miss wearing the nice clothes that are just hanging out in my closet without seeing any daylight.The rest of the day floated lazily through the afternoon with little to no accomplishments as far as getting things done. My mom’s birthday is tomorrow and I’m late sending her gift, while I still have not finalized all the pieces I want to send, nor have I packed them. I feel guilty and I don’t remember, ever being so consumed by work with so little free time that it has left me feeling so drained and tired. I’m sure aging has to have something to do with it, and sometimes I think that all the years of physical hard work, are finally taking their toll and breaking me down. My body just can’t recover the way it used to anymore. I guess I’m no spring chicken anymore and in a few days I’ll add another year. Time for that school bus, sell everything and relax a bit. Smoke a little for medicinal purposes to find my own truths, while I hear it more and more that it is suppose to help with the chronic pain of this disease. Did I mention that a homeless man gave me a joint yesterday to help with the pain of the RA (Rheumatoid arthritis)? I do know him and I’m one of the few people who take the time to talk him. He is a kind soul and behind the visual appearance and the judgement of many, there lies a story that most don’t know. A story of a family and a wife that passed away, a story of this not being the first time that he provided for others, and a story that he might have not chosen this type of life, but that it is what life has dealt him. In the end, we all have a story and some are prettier then others. Some can be controlled while others are dealt from fate and everything can change in an instant. I was pretty taken by his kindness, having nothing himself, yet wanting to help me, me who lives in a house, has an income and is obviously better off than him. Maybe in some ways, but not health-wise and perhaps it was what he sensed, seeing the only way he could help me, selflessly and giving. Well when it comes to the bus and the weed, I guess I’m not quite there yet, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t on my mind. The pain is usually worse in the wintertime and I’m not sure how much worse I can endure as I already struggle and hope it is just a flare with better days ahead. It’s something to consider though and if I had to choose between the cancer meds that depleted my white blood cells without my knowledge, that was given to me as treatment for my initial bout with RA and smoking here and there, I think I know which one I would choose the second time around.
Today felt more like a repeat of last week, not feeling all that great, being tired, abandoned by my energy and still dealing with the flare up. I feel weak, exhausted and all I want to do is rest and nap. After the dentist I gave a haircut and stopped by the little park to feed the geese. I had fun and it’s often the littlest of things that bring me the greatest joy. From there it was off to the phone store in the hopes of upgrading the mobile, but after a bad experience with “Eddie no money”, a nickname we gave him afterwards, we left empty handed. Eddie was his real name but after deciding to not give him any of our money and pursue further business with him, well that’s where the name came in. Did I mention already that I get delirious when I’m tired, but Eddie was well deserving of this name. He was careless, impersonal, cold, inpatient, fidgety and arrogant. Charged us for the wrong phone and seemed visibly upset that we didn’t want to settle for the wrong phone. Well that was that and besides some education on features and specs, like I said we left empty handed with time wasted and nothing to show for. Oh well….at least we know exactly what we want now which should make for a quick transaction when the time is right to see another, more personable salesperson.
It’s been an interesting week to say the least and there was another dragonfly sighting today. Perhaps it is time for that next oracle card.
Taller than the trees
Into the woods I go to listen to nature and come out taller than the trees.
Dragonfly
Another little spirit visitor found it’s way into my life today in the parking lot at work. Sitting on the antenna ball, it took off several times, only to land in the exact same spot over and over. This is my second dragonfly encounter within a week and of course I will take a closer look at the symbolic meaning of this unusual totem and spirit animal. Stay tuned for the first encounter.
Picture taken with my phone, zoomed in, so please excuse the poor quality. Still pretty neat though and wanted to share. Xo
Week of Birthdays
A busy week begins and one of my prime goals is to catch up with everybody’s blog, acknowledge the nominations with the proper thanks and just find some time to balance time that seems to be moving ever faster. A warning flag goes off in my mind when it comes to time flying by and it is telling me that it is due to the routine I’m in. When I’m on the trail or design my own day, it does tend to slow down a little as I marvel in wonder and appreciation. Maybe it boils down to my adventurous spirit vs. being stuck with the mundane chores.
Today is my Friday and all starts tomorrow morning with a visit to the tooth fairy to clean my smile. Errands afterwards, maybe cutting some hair, I will find some time for the humble blog. Wednesday back to work, my Mom’s birthday and Thursday is the birthday of my Niece in Germany and mine. For sure a hike and the day spent on the trail will be in order. The rest of the week belongs back to work with more medical procedures and lots of rest for prep and afterwards on the way for the week after. At least I hope so. No trail time next week, but what has to be done has to be done with one more left to do in August.
Wishing you a happy start to your week with this sunset picture taken near Lassen Volcanic Park.
Flower – Power
A quick and easy way to brighten someone’s day. No need to wait for a special occasion, as every day is special and calls for celebrating. Try it out, get a bouquet, a single flower or a mix of wildflowers and watch your recipient smile from ear to ear while feeling appreciated and special. Remember, it doesn’t take much…have a beautiful Sunday.
The trail provides
A thru hiker would tell you that the trail provides and always miraculously lets you stumble upon exactly what you need. Sometimes it might me in the form of “Trail magic” that could be anything from a left behind ice chest with cold drinks for passerby’s, to people living near the trail providing a home cooked meal or even shelter. Perhaps it can be found in the form of other essential items that are missed while being on a long distance hike, things we often take for granted in our day to day life’s. Never having done a long distance thru hike, I have definitely dreamed about it and my friendship with a thru hiker has fueled my passion to consider such even though it most likely will have to be under my own terms due to rheumatoid arthritis and chronic pain. I have a backup plan though and I know that I will have my own story to write in this adventure when the time comes.
I have backpacked and engage in frequent/weekly day hikes. I have not found any trail magic in the form of ice chests and BBQ’s along the way, but I probably could if I hiked the right section of the PCT (Pacific crest trail) that runs through my neighborhood. Still I have found plenty of magic on the trail and I too would tell you that the trail provides. It has healed me in many ways and has been a place of balance, solitude and where I go to recharge my batteries. It has bestowed me with countless feelings of awe that took my breath away, given me a sense of accomplishment to feel proud about and opened my eyes to what truly matters. It has pushed me and kicked me in the rear at times and I would respond with “No pain, no gain”. You just have to put in the work for some things and nothing in life is free, so if you want the view that you can’t drive up to, well than you need to put in the work. I found love on the trail in too many forms to mention and I’m filled to the rim with an appreciation for all the beauty that I have been allowed to see. The trail provides and I made this little project that has been inspired from the trail providing in a different sense.
“The finished project of what the trail provided”
I found the “L” as the first letter on the trail a few weeks back and a vision came to life. I knew right way what I was looking for and what the trail was trying to tell me. I found the “O” the same day and half of my search was complete. On the next hike in the same area I found the “V” and it is a beautiful fact that I found the letters in the order they find their place in the word “Love”. I knew the “E” would be the most difficult to find and it took three more hikes all to same area to finally find it. I knew the moment I saw it that it was the one and my vision was complete. I’m amazed by the sequence of the letters and the order they were found, as well as their sizes all matching and being a fit within the first attempt. I never found another letter that didn’t match in size and all were the original finds.
“Finding the final letter”
The trail provides and this was a reminder that it has provided me with much love during my journey of peace and finding myself. It’s just a few twigs and parts of branches some would say, yet is has the meaning of some great treasure to me that touches my heart. It’s a part of my journey to nourish my soul, mend the troubles and learn to let go of the things that no longer serve me. And to me it will always have a much higher meaning than just a few pieces of cheap wood. It’s metaphorical and another sign from the universe.
