What will you choose?

I saw something today I felt was worth sharing and I believe it will always be a relevant topic. It’s an experience we will all face in this lifetime, some sooner and some later.

It was in my later adult years that I learned about the battle between the heart and the mind. The heart that so often feels too much and the mind that can send us into analysis paralysis, overthinking everything. My influences from the outside along with my own and what I gathered from people I met, even friends, always mimicked the same end result. The heart mostly stayed in the background and was always portrayed as too vulnerable, something that was capable of great pain. It was frightening to most people and something that had to be protected at any cost, even if that meant to hide and lock it away. People were afraid to get hurt and this was the only way they knew to avoid the pain. They avoided the beginning so no end had to be faced. For me it always felt like I was talking to a shell, a barrier that never revealed the true self and if glimpses did come through, they were carefully selected and quickly curbed to be held at bay. It was like a play where a certain role was to be played and the mask one would wear was determined by the subject, the opponent and even the situation.

To protect thy true self, the mind quickly took over the job of covering the heart, of hiding it and putting up a false front. To build that perfect illusion, that untouchable, unscalable wall. Tall and strong it stood analyzing everything behind it’s unshakable facade. It was so powerful nobody would dare attempt to climb it. It was daunting and intimidating to anyone who’d considered to search for the easily wounded heart that surely had to be in there somewhere. Daily it was weighing outcomes and every possibility, it was striving to be in control, to protect and save thyself from the feared pain of feeling. After a short while it became like clockwork, second nature and a way of life. It was doing a great job while the old self slowly died a little more each day. Perhaps this was the price to be paid to be immune, to feel less and to avoid pain. How little did the all mighty mind knew that nothing in life was free and even losing oneself is a heavy price to pay. A mastermind so smart perhaps it just didn’t want to think about it. After all this was their time, their time to shine, to do a job not to be diluted and distracted.

Along came others of the same likes, others who shared the same story and the same life experiences. Different yet very similar they too had gotten hurt by making their hearts too vulnerable for others to attack. How foolish they have been to trust and hope that nobody would take advantage of them while their heart was wide open. Soon they began to share experiences and in these stories lied confirmation and reassurance that one must had chosen wisely and did the right thing. Like machines and robots, the analytical mind was striving as if it had gotten a promotion or won some other valuable prize. Everything was good, there was no need to change anything and much more time passed in the process of it.

But like all lessons, the experiences kept repeating until the lesson would be learned. In time the ruling of the mind felt like a lonely place, a place that only allowed a part of you to exist. If the mind did such a great job, how was it possible that you cried yourself to sleep! Why did you feel so lonely, lying awake for hours, going over the same thoughts over and over again, never finding resolve, questioning your existence and your purpose! Why did you feel so incomplete and why did the old ways of doing things and protecting your heart no longer serve you! Everything had been going to plan hasn’t it? Most likely you even avoided some painful moments from the outside influence.

Well dear friend, there is no plan for life and our story. We don’t know ahead of time how it is meant to unfold and we are definitely not in control of it no matter how much the mind would like to be. Life will always have a plan on it’s own, often turning out completely different than you planned it during these sleepless nights. I’d say you have arrived at a point where suppressing that hidden part of you doesn’t feel right anymore. Once here, there is no going back and the incompletion and what you locked away for so many years is begging stronger and stronger to come out. How could that be when the mind did such a great job! I would tell you that you have outgrown your old ways and I would smile through the pain and terror on your face in the hopes to instill comfort and trust. I would welcome you at the doorstep of your new life. Your safety cocoon, your old ways, and yes…even the comfort zone and protection you worked so hard to put in place are now in dire need of an upgrade. Somehow the old ways weren’t enough anymore and there surely had to be more to life than this. How many times have you asked yourself that question?

Now with time come to pass you grew curious and curiosity foremost involves change. It involves a willingness to experience the new and grow. It involves entering the path of a new life and breaking from the old. Change in return requires courage and bravery. You have to take a leap of faith, trust the unseen, be ok with not knowing all the details, and yes… you will even unlearn everything you’ve been taught and let go in the process of it. Letting go of the control you have summoned, of that wall, of analyzing everything, of proving and protecting yourself, and finally let go of your old way of life. And while you do all of that, you have to remember to meet yourself with forgiveness and the highest level of self – love. Such a love that is unconditional and makes you your biggest fan and supporter. Because while your big heart has learned to forgive others, it is YOU who deserves second chances as well. YOU will always be your highest investment.

Fact is that being able to feel makes us feel alive and is the difference between a robot on auto-pilot and a human being. And who doesn’t want to feel alive! It is the difference between living and merely existing. Your heart already knows how to heal itself. It’s your mind that you need to convince to let go of the old patterns that keep you up at night, that destroy you and make you cry over and over again. You know that you can’t go back there again. Not after what you learned and there is only going forward that is left for you at this point.

So what about the pain and the vulnerability that you are exposed to wearing your heart on your sleeve? You will never be able to fully protect yourself and you will have experiences good and bad. In the end they are all good if you learn to see the lesson in them. This very outlook becomes your protection from others and yourself. Maybe that wall kept others from hurting you, but you had nobody else to blame but yourself for the pain of loneliness and incompletion. It was you who’ve built that monster. Take a chance now and believe that your imperfections will attract the people and the experiences you really need. It is time and you didn’t arrive here by accident.

What will you choose in the end? As a last piece of advice, I’d tell you to trust, trust and trust. Don’t interfere but learn to be flexible. Go with the flow. Drop expectations and set yourself up for beautiful surprises. Put yourself first and be your biggest fan. Love with all your heart and don’t hide it anymore. Be quick to forgive even if you do get attacked…for they don’t know what they are doing. Maybe forgiveness is not what they deserve but you deserve your inner peace and freedom. Stop competing. This is not a contest and none of us get out of here alive. And finally, give yourself credit, you are braver than you think and your heart will thank you for it. After all, every journey starts with one single Step.

News from the land-front

Progress continues on the land-front and it’s been a lot of work clearing the overgrown landscape. While being blessed with an unexpected sewer connection and saving a nice chunk of money, there has been no luck in finding a water connection as well. Some time this week I will pay the roughly 5K connection fee to be hooked up to water. Further fees to be paid will go to the electric company for an engineer to come to the property and give an estimate of what and how much dollars are involved to run electric. From there a meeting with a contractor will be arranged to level what you see here in the picture and what will be the driveway some day. A platform for the house needs to be made and a trench dug for the sewer / water connection, running down to the bottom of the property. Once that is in place, a foundation needs to be poured which hopefully will all happen before the winter to be able to move onto the land and start building the main house come spring next year.

In the meantime, I have finished the plan for the house and between now and spring I will need to find an architect to help draw it to actual measurements and help with permits etc. We have also started to utilize the fallen aspen tree trunks to build a natural looking fence as you see here. Some will be filled in with dirt as the steep slope coming in from the road needs to be graded. Still I think it looks pretty cool. There are 12 wooden posts that were already on the property and which will be kept. Part lining the driveway, with the last 4 on the left nestling on this side of what will be as 20 ft garage. The house sits right behind it to maximize the view and most likely some of the pines will be thinned out a bit at a later time.

There is so much excitement but also a bit anxiety that goes into all of this given that I have never build a home before. I am rooting for myself and my fingers are tightly crossed that all will find it’s way as it must. And most of all that the move in date will be earlier rather than later sometime next year.

Pig Spirit – August 2022

“Use your mind wisely” is our message from Pig Spirit and our motto for the month of August. Yikes, can you believe it’s August already? Take a look at the following message and see how it applies to you.

Pig spirit appears to remind you of the right use of intelligence, a gift we all have that is meant to be used with love, compassion, and discernment. Intelligence means recognizing the value of intuition partnered with smarts and common sense, which leads to intelligent solutions. When pig spirit appears, you are called to respect your analytical mind and use it for the highest good, recognizing that all facts must be considered even when they do not fit with what you know already.

Spirit blesses us with wisdom when we allow pig spirit to nudge us into open minded, thoughtful dialogues, whether with others or internally as we mull over our ideas and what we have come to understand. You are intelligent and capable of clear minded thinking shaped by the wisdom you have accumulated and the intuition that will tell you when you have more learning to do because not all facts are in. Now is a time that your decision-making powers are reliable, for you are in alignment with pig spirit’s keen intelligence.

Protection message: Are you ruminating, turning thoughts around and around in your head but not getting nearer to a decision or solution? Pig spirit is here to protect you from analysis paralysis! Let your mind rest now and allow your intelligence to mingle with the mysteries of intuitive guidance, releasing your tight hold on facts and unsolved puzzles, whether it be a relationship or any other aspect of your life. In fact, now might be a good time to think about something else altogether and release your grip on needing to know. When your thought processes are muddied by fear and anxiety, allow pig spirit to lead you back to the right use of your natural intelligence. Take a break, relax, and release the ball of worry. Soon the smart choice will become clear to you. More facts may be needed, more digging for information and more questioning, and seeking to learn more, enjoy the process of using your thinking powers. All the elements of your intelligence are reliably guiding you now once you’ve given your mind a rest.

Every journey starts with a single step

We take such steps every day, and we are on a journey every day. Our life is a sequence of events, choices, decisions and experiences. I think much work takes place on the sidelines, behind the curtain where we don’t always see the results and the fruit of our labor materialize until much later. When hindsight steps in. Fact is that change, wisdom and growth takes time and doesn’t happen overnight. There is no true way to measure our progress until all of a sudden we arrived at a crossroads we have to choose our direction, our conviction once more. So the conscious effort we put in today may not show up until a later point when we long forgot about that particular moment or the effort it took. Maybe we don’t even remember when it began and really, it’s not that important anyways. What matters is that we took that initial first step. One must believe that a cumulative effort and the persistence of such will eventually show up in the material world and pay off. How else can we keep going and stay the course?

I drew this oracle card today and I am no stranger to it. It comes at the perfect time, at the end of one month, at the doorway to a new beginning. While I have been on a journey for the entirety of my life, most of it was not on a conscious level until the past four years. Within those years came many lessons as well as break throughs, aha moments and a heightened sense of awareness with the ability to learn while striving for change. I am still on that same journey, but within a new chapter, a new door has opened. Every new experience can seem intimidating and frightening to most, but I am no longer anxious and worried about those times. They all bring lessons and I trust that the right people and experiences will find me. That what is for me will be provided. Each day we are tested anew to remember how far we have come and to put to the test what we have learned.

This card is a reminder for me. A reminder that whether we are aware or get sucked up into daily life, we are on a journey, each and every day. Progress is made when we are conscious of it, when we acknowledge our awareness, do the work and not turn our head the other way. But progress also happens on the sidelines and eventually sneaks up on us. Just think of all the lessons you have learned already and all that still lies ahead. Are you eager to learn, to grow, to master each step or have the lessons indeed become tough luck and a difficult experiences? Perhaps past experiences have frightened you into taking another step and you need a rest on the sidelines. If you do, know that even here the magic still happens and there are no written rules or guidelines how long it takes to master one step. Take your time and rest assured, everything is as it should be. No two journeys are alike. Trust…

Look at your experiences and see how they have prepared you for where you are at right now, for what’s to come. Everything you need is within you already and trust me, you don’t need to have all the answers just yet. I have learned that in time every little shred of information and knowledge will reveal itself to you. This thought brings me strengths and helps me to keep going. I remind myself that there will always be a hill to climb, a new experience waiting to be learned, a new lesson that needs to be added to our arsenal of wisdom and knowledge. Believe in the process and you are nearly there. The universe loves a brave soul and heart and so do I.

International day of friendship

Art by Des Brophy Art

It’s the international day of friendship today and I will take time out of my day to connect with friends near and far. Even if we don’t talk, in energy we are connected. What a blessing you are to me and I am grateful that our paths have crossed. Together we share our wisdom and guide each other, and no matter how far or near we are, we are never quite alone and share this path alongside.

Recently I got a new book from Donna Ashworth called “I wish I knew.” She shares a poem about friendship and today I like to dedicate it to you and pass it on.

Friendship is…Knowing that someone will be there when you lose, when you fall, when you snort ugly tears.

Friendship is knowing they will ask you twice how are you, really? And the will not accept your answer of fine when you are anything but.

Friendship is showing up for the worst of times as well as the best and knowing which one is the most important.

Friendship is building another’s self esteem realizing the gift they have given you by allowing you to do so and never using that gift for anything but good.

Friendship is every color of the rainbow and all the hues in between the good, the bad, the ugly, the glorious the beloved and the brilliant.

Friendship is hanging on when that person is cocooned waiting for them to re-emerge ready to accept their changes knowing they are still the same, to you.

Friendship is a gift, a blessing, a joy.

Be the friend you seek to have and be that friend to yourself too.

The loved and hated Selfie

You know her all too well and from time to time she litters your online screen. The “Selfie Queen” herself. I have been no stranger to taking a selfie here and there, to record a moment, a mood, a point along the journey, a progress, a diary showcased in tiny little squares that are my life.

But is that all there is to these pictures? How are they perceived and could there be more? I have to admit I’ve been guilty of rolling my eyes a few times, especially when one refers to themselves as a model who isn’t one, the “it girl” or the “glam girl.” So why would that be bothersome and invoke such reaction? I think in this case it wasn’t a violation of “live and let live,” it was just the excess of it and too much of a good thing. A difference in perception of what is and what is not. And yet it remains a delicate balance because who is to say what is and isn’t too much? Look at our celebrities and their profiles. We are groomed into thinking that it is normal, that we too need to record our life to have something tangible to show for. Something like a lifetime of selfies and recording the progress. And that reason I actually like and it’s a little like a diary, a memory that will speak for us some day that we were here. I wonder if everyone chooses this to be the reason, but most likely it is impossible…really….

There is no answer that is a one fits all and each case is individual and personal. At times it might come across as vanity, being full – and in love with yourself, trying to show off and the likes. But sometimes the ones who post the most selfies are actually the loneliest of them all. They post not to record the journey, but to get attention. They need the validation from the outside world, an acceptance of fitting in and being liked. Their self worth is measured on that selfie, how many likes it is getting and what the response is from society. Perhaps it is validation that they still got it, a reassurance they are still desired. I think it can hold many different reasons. It could be as innocent as sharing a progress, showing and motivating others by putting a face and image to the story. But whatever it might be, it is personal and our opinions about it is nothing else but judgement towards a person, a situation, a behavior, a mood. Our days are filled with judgements from the morning we get up until we go to rest again. At any given moment we make decisions, pro and cons, likes and dislikes, all based on perception and our individual preferences. There is nothing wrong with it unless we hurt another with our actions. So for today I say “Go ahead and let Selfie Queen have her moment.”

Procrastiplanting

It’s been awhile and we are overdue for a funny word. Today we are talking about procrastiplanting.

Verb. When you have a million things to do but ignore them all and tend to your pants instead. 🤣

Who is with me and up for a little procrastiplanting?

Keeping the “Critters” away

Bear sightings happen on a regular basis in my neighborhood and I am about to set a new record for the most bears seen in one year. A feared animal for most, for me they belong to one of my favorite ones and I never had a bad experience with one. Fingers crossed it stays this way. Luckily Cinnamon has a keen sense on these guys when they are in the area and she knows long before anyone else picks up on it. I won’t let her out alone when it’s dark and like a protective Mommy, I tag along. Keeping them away is as easy as keeping a clean surrounding as to not attract them with trash and other smelly goods. Last years forest fires depleted much of their feeding grounds and has drawn them closer to populated areas and housing, so I think it’s normal to see more activity as everyone adjust to life once more.

What’s been by far more pesky for me than these furry fluff-balls are insects and bugs. The rare, sweet blood type of mine draws them in by the hoards and I can’t escape being bitten somewhere. I read that only 8% of the population has my blood type which makes me an unusual snack for these suckers. I don’t really care for the chemical defenses that include harsh ingredients that might be bad for the insects but for us as well. So I have ventured to a more natural defense and here are a few tips if you are struggling as well.

Basil – Mosquitoes and flies

Catnip – Mosquitoes

Lavender – Mosquitoes, flies, moths and fleas

Marigolds – Mosquitoes and aphids

Peppermint – Mosquitos, ants and spiders

Rosemary – Fleas, ticks, mosquitoes and slugs

Sage – Moths

Plus you can add some to your favorite dish for a natural, aromatic way of seasoning and adding some delish.

Venus Butterfly

Salvador Dali – Venus Butterfly, 1947

“Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.” L.R. Knost

Sacred mornings

It wasn’t always this way and there was a time, many years actually, that I struggled with getting up early. Every minute was calculated when my day started to the sound of an alarm clock and I would stay in bed as long as possible. And I wasn’t a morning person at all. Not unfriendly but definitely not chatty either. After all my time was carefully measured and every minute was allocated to getting ready and out the door.

Being self retired now, I still sleep in here and there when my body needs to catch up from nights and days that are full of pain and little rest. It’s a freedom I am grateful to have and one I don’t ever take for granted. Mom taught me early on to save for a nest egg and with our combined efforts, I have managed four blissful years off the rat race and the hamster wheel. But it hasn’t always been like living on Easy Street and it’s not a life of roses every day. You have to be committed to different priorities and reevaluate what is important to you. For me it boiled down to change and knowing that it was eminent and required for survival and if I wanted to see a future.

Today, my mornings have become sacred to me and oftentimes I am up early, just easing my way into the day. It’s simply blissful when everything is still quiet and a new day is just starting. It is mornings like these when I am in little pain, that I harness this energy and that particular feeling to give me strengths for the days when I am in more pain. All too well I know how quickly a positive attitude goes out the door when I am struggling. Pain overshadows everything, it just simply does and it’s hard to hold on when those days strike. So remembering the good times, the mornings of bliss, a few hours in time that truly allowed us to be peaceful inside, are the best nourishments I can think of. Feelings carry us, good and bad, both are a part of life, but the ones we choose to hold on to when we are in the right frame of mind and able to do so, those are always up to us.