Before you make your way out of hell

There will always be some sort of hill to climb. There will always be another challenge around the corner, waiting to emerge, as soon as we finish tackling the current situation at hand. Call it hell, hardship, life, bad luck or whatever comes to mind, but fact is that these moments become our greatest teachers. For those moments bring us face to face with ourselves and allow us to get to know who we really are. It teaches what we are made of and what is important to us. Often we don’t know it ourselves until we find ourselves in some sort of misery. It is here that we get introduced to our inner fears, our vulnerabilities, weaknesses, what makes us tick, and what brings us a great deal of struggle and adversity. Here, we become the observers to how we react, and how we handle each challenge that we’re faced with. Soon or later we have to become our own judge, reevaluating our actions, deciding if we are at peace with our actions or if they have been poorly. Soon or later we have to take that honest look and address our flaws in an effort so that they don’t hurt anyone, including ourselves. It can be hell for some of us and perhaps we have postponed the climb out a few times in the past.

But you see, before making your way out of “hell” you must walk through the depths of your inner darkness. Unless you learn to first embrace that darkness within yourself, you can never pursue the light of self love in a balanced way. Genuine self love is one of the most profound experiences in the universe. However, it takes time, sincere dedication, and discipline to develop. On a daily basis, we are surrounded by so many images, beliefs, and behaviors that reinforce the idea of self hatred, of being hard on ourselves, that it can be difficult for us to connect to the love inside of us.

I used to think that it was kind and noble of me to put everybody before me. To consider their needs before mine for it would have been selfish of me to only think of myself. I bet you can relate. Perhaps there is still a shred of the old belief system left, but my vision has changed. I don’t see it as selfish anymore and I recognize that back in those days I was lacking a good dose of self respect and self love. I sacrificed a great deal because of it and it was just the way it was. No thoughts and doubts about it. Today I love myself in a new light. One that is soft and forgiving, understanding and encouraging. One that is gentle with myself because I have faced the darkness within myself. I have and continue to heal what must be healed and because of that it has shown me a great deal of self respect and love. In the end, I conclude that I am not afraid of the next hill that might appear in front of me. There is a feeling now of knowing that I can conquer whatever comes next. Fear no longer has a hold of me. Perhaps I’m too tired to be fearful, but it’s more realizing that I am the storm and quotes/phrases like these have a profound new meaning to me. The words ring truer than ever and there is a trust and belief, a guidance, a feeling of being loved and supported, telling me that everything will always be fine.

Love and light, shadow work and it’s many lessons

Today I feel like writing more about Shadow work . I’ve read something that sparked a thought in regards to my recent post about Love and light . I feel there is a connection between shadow work and love and light.

It is important to recognize that not everything is always love and light. Things can’t always go to plan, avoiding any and every possible challenge, 24/7. It just doesn’t work that way in real life. Having such an expectation that everything should always be roses, will actually set you back on this healing journey of coming into yourself, and home. You would face massive disappointments, because this journey does include you coming to terms and addressing some of the darkest aspects of yourself. It is about learning to balance your shadow self with love and light. To meet yourself with compassion and understanding when you don’t act as yourself or out of character. It is learning the deeper meanings and reasons as to why, to do the work, and release that energy and karma. Only then can you truly maximize the healing journey.

Being too far on either side causes imbalance and can be bad. It can instill fear and prevent you from doing the work necessary to connect to your highest good. Do not be afraid of the darkness, but instead embrace it, and understand it.

Your Mission

Have you ever wondered what your mission is here on earth? It’s safe to say it is a question we all have asked ourselves at some point. As humans we need purpose, a reason, something tangible that we can focus on and pursue. I’ve used to ask myself the same, seemingly going around in circles, never coming to a conclusion or an answer. Maybe there wasn’t one at that time and I merely continued on, plugging away, accepting this to be the truth. I don’t ask that much anymore, and I go more with the flow of things instead. I believe that just the right information and what I need will be revealed to me at the perfect time. It sounds easy no doubt, but walking this path is often hard and there are hiccups along the way and rocky terrain. I am just coming out of a rocky section and I am slowly remembering these words, readjusting my own focus and direction. Tonight’s reiki healing will further help promote and strengthen this well being. I will prepare throughout the day and scan myself for any negative residue before connecting with you in the energetic. See you tonight.

But before I go, let’s take one more look at our mission. It was later in life that I learned a little more about it. My mission and this is the conclusion I have drawn. Part of our mission on earth is to master our thoughts, our vibrations, our frequency, so that we can move through all of life with more ease. It’s a complex concept and yet it sounds so simple, making perfect sense. It is work in progress, filled with experiences and learning way beyond the classroom. Some of our most important knowledge is not learned in schools, but in the path of our lives. Schools are important and teach us the smarts of how to become successful. How to be happy and be a different kind of successful and at peace with life and our mission comes from a different kind of source and is something not taught in schools. Most likely we wouldn’t be ready to learn these lessons then without the experiences that accumulate over the course of a lifetime.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you been able to define your mission and what it is?

The Monsters within

Picture taken from google

This year so far has been largely about self awareness, understanding, and growths. About recognizing, as well as stopping to resist, to not interfere, to utilize, and be patient for the right timing. It’s been a huge growths push, layering on and deepening the journey I have found myself on over the last couple of years.

It’s been about making peace with the way things are. I’d say I’ve come a little ways, understanding and forgiving, letting the past rest (mostly) and looking ahead with optimism and excitement. I am at peace with the progress and where I am at, even though things are not perfect. I don’t think they will ever be and you know what? That’s ok, I don’t need perfect.

There has been a lot of insight about how the past has shaped me, why I reacted the way I did, what changed and how I see the future unfold. It feels as if the mental, undecided struggle of what is the best choice, what if I do this, what’s the outcome of that, and what to do period, is over.

This year has been filled with periods of looking within, to find cause, addressing and working with my shadow self and any darkness that is in my heart. To meet this void with unconditional love and without judgement. To not condemn it but to meet it with love. Not only within myself, but also in others who might have shared mutual negative experiences. Alone or with each other. It’s been a year of forgiveness and letting go. Of not holding on to the emotional baggage. It’s even been a year of losing people I once thought close to me. It’s been hard coming to trust that even there is reasoning behind it and it hurt to lose these people. Yet I have to trust and try to understand that our journey has taken us into different directions.

While many would define 2020 as a tough and challenging year, I definitely don’t disagree. But I do have to admit that I have come to see it in a much different light then that. I have learned to always look for the lesson and to embrace it with positivity, no matter what. For me, 2020 has been an important year. A year of many personal breakthroughs and personal growths. I can say that I have done my best and I’m ok with that. Being able to say so doesn’t mean that there are no things I wish could be different. But it means arriving at a point where you can accept the reality of it without feeling disturbed by it. A point where you no longer fight and try to control the outcome. Where either way it goes, you learn to dance with whatever comes your way.

A quote crossed my path and like so often spoke to me. I can only agree and it truly is great advice.

“Until we have met the monsters in ourselves, we will keep trying to slay them in the outer world. For all darkness in the world stems from darkness in the heart. And it is there we must do our work.”

~Marianne Williamson

Discordant Emotions and Seed Thoughts

Picture from my adventures along the Nevada’n highways ❤️

Not too long ago I’ve written about a book from Danielle MacKinnon called Soul Contracts. In that post I talked about your support network, understanding the bigger picture, our connection to source, the need for safety and our root belief system. I would like to revisit this post and dig a little deeper. I have a feeling it needs more clarification for understanding how things come to be.

Let’s start with Seed Thoughts.

According to MacKinnon a Seed Thought is an original thought you had about yourself (usually accompanied by intense negative emotions called Discordant Emotions) that you planted in your soul, rather than experiencing it and growing from it. This thought was created by a life experience, something you, yourself experienced. Something, or someone made you feel extremely negative about yourself and whatever was said or done hit to the core. You came to believe how the world made you feel, and it has now become a Seed Thought (how you view yourself) that is stored within your soul. It will remain there, and it will trigger from time to time as similar experiences arise. The cycle repeats until you experience this Discordant Emotion and face it.

Facing past trauma is extremely painful for many, and it means you will have to revisit that very experience that made you feel this hurt. You will have to identify the negative emotions that you adapted about yourself, why and how they came to be, and you will have to address a dose of self doubt, fear, and uncertainty. Only by pinpointing the event and working through it, including the feelings, the emotions and the experience, coming to terms and understanding why you experienced it the way you did, will eventually allow you to put in the work, face the demons, and release this energy for good. Only then will you be in a position to let go of it and become free.

What about Discordant Emotions? These are the intensely negative emotions you felt at the time when you embedded your Seed Thought into your soul. These emotions are embedded with your Seed Thought, and those too, are here to stay. They are the reason as to why you continue to re-experience them as an adult, until you learn to release them.

Most people are surprised to find how many Discordant Energies they carry with them. Worry, anxiety, stress, depression, and fear are the most common, but most people attract other types as well. Can you identify any of these emotions within yourself?

Perhaps this post sheds a little more light and understanding on this complex subject. Perhaps we can be a little gentler on ourselves and meet ourselves with more compassion and empathy. 🙏🏼 I think you are doing amazing and you know I’m right 😉💙

Guided

Many of us try so hard to find our way, to learn about our purpose and to find a sense of belonging. Sometimes we spend a lifetime trying to figure it out, and while changes are always at work, we are often unaware of them and unawakened. Many go go through life trying to learn whatever lessons are in store, and throughout the process develop a self defense mechanism. It’s a means of protection, one that’s suppose to shield us from pain, one that lashes out from time to time and here and there rear’s it ugly head, ultimately holding us a prisoner.

It is said that our soul already knows the way and that we have everything we need within us. I’ve heard this saying a long time ago and was reminded of it just recently. In a different time and a different place, it would come to me with a new understanding and meaning.

I remembered it while being still and engaging in an old hobby. Reading. The first book that came to me after a long break of not reading, was called the Untethered Soul and it was the one that really put things into perspective for me. It helped me understand the reactions of others and my own. It allowed me to find compassion in the harfest to find places and forgive even when it seemed impossible to forgive. But it was the second book and reading about Soul Contract that made me remember this saying.

Both books (self help books) came with a bit of hindsight and with the realization that I was putting in the work already. Subconsciously I was already plugging away as if I knew exactly what needed to be done. My soul was already hard at work, guiding me and the books merely shed light onto what was going on. It was the books that brought the realization, the explanations, the understanding. There was no doubt that all Shadow work, had led me to my work with my soul contracts. It was during the last chapter of the book, in how to release the energy of the soul contracts that I nodded and became aware of that this is what must have been happening already.

MacKinnon mentions that during the process of releasing this dark, heavy energy many of her clients have unintentionally lost weight or became more physically active and healthy. They intuitively felt a desire to get up, get moving, and create a physical release, such as playing a sport or starting to exercise. One client started their own business while another quit smoking. One got a drastic haircut, or made other sweeping changes. Was this where my motivation cane from and what had ignited the fire within.

Your support network

Diagram by Danielle MacKinnon

I’ve been reading a new book called “Soul Contracts.” It’s another self help book that aids in finding harmony and your inner brilliance. It explains various soul contracts, human actions and decisions, as well as unconditional love, understanding the bigger picture, our connection to source (soul), the need for safety and our root belief systems.

MacKinnon explains that many unseen and unconscious energies influence our every day. They can cause us to behave a certain way, think a certain thought, or believe certain ideas about ourselves. All these energies are our soul contracts and are a part of our soul system. These ways of thinking, feeling and believing take away from our ability to discover who we really are. They prevent us from living the life we want to live and from having the relationships we so desperately crave. Many of these contracts are created by ourselves without us ever realizing.

Let’s say you experienced someone who made you feel that you are not good enough. Most likely this experience comes with intense negative emotions, heartache and pain. That is if you believed in it. If not, then you most likely laughed the whole incident off and it wasn’t stored as a painful experience. But let’s say they got to you and pain has arisen from it. Perhaps so much of it that you promised to prove them and yourself wrong. Guess what? You created a soul contract for yourself. A soul contract is born from a negative experience and is never derived from joy. However, soul contracts are not a negative or painful thing, and are often created to help us overcome a certain lessons, so don’t feel discouraged if you stumble across one. I know it sounds confusing but just think of it this way. Just because you had a negative experience (out of your control) doesn’t mean it has to stay a negative mark on your life (within your control).

Back to the example: By entertaining the thought of not being good enough it becomes a seed thought, something you come to believe and plant deep within your soul. It’s quite common that we adapt many of such seed thoughts which in return form our root belief system. Those are our experiences, what life has taught us. Each seed thought has its on emotions attached. These emotions live in our memory or our subconscious where they are stored. From there we learn how to react to a certain situation, how to protect ourselves, and how to avoid the pain that was associated with the experience. It’s almost like a self defense mechanism. What we often don’t realize is that some of these experiences and what once worked for us, lies many years back and is outdated.

Still it’s there for our resource, where they linger in the background. You might not notice them for a long time, until something happens that triggers that very thought. Now that same painful emotion surfaces and it will over and over again until you face and recognize as to why you feel this way. It’s not enough to say “oh I bumped into a soul contract” but you will also have to put in the work and analyze why you feel this way, what happened in the past and how you want to go forward in the future.

Now that the emotion has been recalled, it’s like getting a reminder. Memories surface and doubt creeps in whether you are going to be good enough or not. Your mind is racing and the struggle begins as you frantically add new elements to the equation, called anxiety and fear. Now your actions are driven by those emotions and all you can do is hope for the best. It’s almost paralyzing.

As you can see things can get quite complex as we try to figure it out and find our way. It can take years, perhaps a lifetime. This diagram in the book really made me think about our support network along the way. It helped me understand as to why people come and go in our life. We all are travelers, trying to find our way and it’s nothing personal. But if you have encountered someone by our side who is willing to stay the course and put in the work with you, consider yourself extremely lucky. It’s rare I think.

In an exercise MacKinnon prompts us to list all the people in our lives and place them on the according circle. And to be honest. You might be married but that doesn’t mean that your husband/wife is your soul partner. If there are things you can’t discuss and have to keep from him/her, then they are not your soul partner and perhaps just a friend. Maybe in some instances not even that anymore. As you place the people on your circles, take an honest look at the finished picture. It will also tell a story about yourself. Has your protection mechanism developed so strongly that you haven’t allowed people into your inner circle? Do you shut people out? Do you invite people into your life even though the friendship is all about them? What are you seeing?

I wanted to write this post and share a new perspective so you can give yourself a break. To perhaps understand some things a little better and hopefully gain some insights. I still see so many being so hard on themselves, as well as placing too many unrealistic conditions that only end in disappointment. Maybe we need to remember that we all fight unseen battles. Perhaps you fill out your own diagram and better understand how much unconditional love it truly takes to be there. Who is in your circle and in who’s circle do you belong? Do you believe that the people in your most inner circle can be there for you as you go through the process of mastering your soul contracts. As you go through the ups and downs, the hard work, and the amazing insights? Can they handle what you are saying? Will they think you are crazy? Do you have to censor yourself around them and tiptoe as to not bruise egos? And at the same time, can you be that very person you crave for someone else?

Closing note: Remember that it’s not quantity but quality of who makes your circle. If you are a loner and introvert, you might only have one or two people listed on it and that’s perfectly ok.

The untethered soul

The untethered soul, the journey beyond yourself by Michael A. Singer was the book I took on my little camping trip. My first attempt reading it failed, and I chalk it up to the timing not being right. Reading it this time, I felt as if my own spiritual journey was explained and made sense of. It was a celebration to see how far I had come, while each chapter shed more light on the actual how’s and why’s itself, and how to free oneself from a life of conditioning. It allowed me to understand the actions and behaviors of others in greater detail and to meet actual painful experiences with more love, understanding and compassion. It allowed me to make peace and gain greater insight of what it is we all face on this journey beyond ourselves.

I would highly recommend it to anyone who has questions, who is daring to take a look, and seeking to understand more about themselves. It’s a journey of our thoughts and emotions, our inner dialogue and the fluctuations of our inner energy, resulting in feelings, behaviors and reactions, a lifelong programming we adapt in order to protect ourselves from pain. It’s a journey of awareness and awakening, tethered to the ego with hands on examples and scenarios for inner freedom and liberation. It’s simple, yet a pure mastery of clarity. It has profoundly touched me this time around and is one of the best self help books since Eckhart Tolle. I will probably quote and share bits and pieces with you many times going forward.

In awakening consciousness and the first chapter titled “the voice inside your head,” Michael talks about our inner voice and the dialogue we have with ourselves. It’s the voice that keeps you up at night when you are trying to sleep, the voice that only you can hear, the dialogue that narrates your entire world. It never stops. Even when it is saying nice things, it’s still disturbing everything you’re doing. You surely have heard this voice in the past, haven’t you? So who is this voice if you are the one who is observing it and why do we do it? A study carefully revealed that the narration makes us feel more comfortable with the world around us. For instance: You walk home alone late at night. It’s dark and foggy and you feel an eerie silence. Your mind and inner dialogue is going a 100 miles an hour.

“All is ok, not too much further. I’m almost home. What was that noise, is someone following me. Should I run or keep my composure?”

It goes on and on and it never stops, playing out every possible scenario. The narrative keeps us focused, distracted, even calm and again it tips back to the need of being in control, being prepared for the unknown and the unexpected. It all happens in an attempt to protect ourselves from pain and to avoid any inner disturbances.

Reality is a serious thing for many of us and is often too difficult to deal with it. We try to temper it with our minds and our inner dialogue, talking our way through the difficulties. In an attempt to hold the world together, you are really just trying to hold yourself together. True personal growth is about transcending the part of you that is not ok and needs protection. This is done by constantly remembering that you are the one inside that notices the voice talking. If used properly, the same mental voice that has been a source of worry, distraction, and general neurosis can become the launching ground for true spiritual awakening. Come to know the one who watches the voice, and you will come to know one of the gray mysteries of creation.

Words: excerpts from the book “the untethered soul” and myself

The shadow self and the many masks

Have you ever noticed how many different masks we wear throughout the day? How we adjust ourselves, conform and react to various situations, including people. We conform to the behaviors that are expected of us even if they don’t sit right with us. After all, it’s something we have to do to “play nice” right? Let’s explore this a little further and examine some of the reasons. Is it really because of what is expected of us, because of something we learned through social conditioning, something that was taught to us growing up, something we have to in order to fit in and to be accepted by others?

I’m sure you felt the exhausting effects from all the masks you wear every day while carefully hiding your own true identity. Why do we do this, are we not enough? It’s what many of us fear. And here we have it, anxiety is born and is just one of the subjects under the big umbrella of fear that rules our days. No wonder you fall into bed at night, completely drained and dead to the world. Guess what, you will get another chance and do it all over again tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that. Only you can say when it is enough.

It takes years, and sometimes a lifetime full of experiences to finally figure out if those masks you wear still apply. Can you imagine what a heavy load our shadow self is carrying for us? Should we expect it to be a happy camper, happy go lucky, waiting to take on more of whatever we throw at it, or is the picture becoming clearer as to why we call it our shadow self, a dark side we usually try to hide. And why do we hide it? Surely it can’t be all that friendly, it may even behave irrational. We haven’t dealt with it which means we have no control over it, never in a million years will we slow it to make ourselves look bad in public. And why should we deal with the challenging process of acknowledging it?Don’t we want it to stay the same, to do our dirty work, to carry the painful stuff for us, to keep the pain away from us, and for heavens sake please don’t make us look vulnerable and weak in front of others. After all haven’t we worked a lifetime protecting and hiding our weaknesses! To admit to them would mean that we have to face our flaws, to make ourselves look less perfect in front of others, to lower the wall and be susceptible to attacks and pain. To face this and take a closer look is a big step that many are afraid to take, until the day when this behavior no longer serves you, and questions arise that won’t deny your authentic self any longer.

“Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow side: an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try to ignore. The shadow can be a source of emotional richness and vitality, and acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and an authentic life.

– C. Zweig & S. Wolf

Previously, we have talked about the courage it takes to face your shadow self, and we have only reached the tip of the iceberg. We have practiced acknowledging these darker parts of yourself and I take it that you have clearly noticed the darkness of your shadow self. There is a reason as to why you are reading this, why you are wondering and why thoughts have started to enter your mind. It’s no coincidence and it’s not something you stumble across by accident, so why now? Perhaps you have gone through some traumatic events including loss and other painful experiences. Maybe you feel alone, making excuses and justifications for your behavior, or maybe you simply feel that you don’t fit in, that you have no place amongst society. Perhaps you feel as if you were from a different planet. Why doesn’t anyone understand you, why is life so difficult and hard.

So for argument sake and for you to understand this important point of your journey, let’s indulge in the complexity of ourselves for a moment. I want to talk about being born innocent and what happens as soon as we engage in the knowledge of good and bad. Envision your soul as a blank canvas, a sponge that is absorbing the fears and programming from your main influencers, your parents. Down the pipeline into your soul are fragmented pieces of what they themselves have not fully acknowledged and processed in their lifetime. You don’t know yet whether this information fits you or not, whether it holds value for YOU, but it’s there, stored away to be accessed whenever you need it. Ultimately you grow up with the ideals, expectations, norms, and social conditionings of others. You give in to conventional thinking for years and it becomes a way of life. You don’t even realize that there is more, that you are conforming, and that there is something that might fit you better. Subconsciously you continue to live your life suppressing your own ideas. It’s how you’ve been raised and it seems normal. After all it’s what you’ve been taught and your parents being wise and smart people must surely know what they were talking about. What if I told you that they were just trying to figure things out themselves?

Let’s take it a step further. I assume that you have summoned the courage to acknowledge your shadow self and sit with “yourself” for awhile. What you’ll discover here is a whole different chapter, a chapter you worked so hard to close and banish into the deepest and darkest corner of your soul. Are you prepared for what you might find? Remember in chapter one we talked about the things that will deeply disturb you, things you might not like about yourself. Are you willing to take a look and be objective? What will you do with the information? The true work is about to begin if you can answer these questions. Since you have made it this far, it’s probably safe to say that you are no longer in denial, that you are aware and conscious now, but where it goes from here is truly up to you.

What you should understand before you tap into the information of your dark side is the persona of the shadow self. Here is a take on it according to Carl Jung. He defines this persona as who we would like to be and how we wish to be seen by the world. The word persona is derived from a Latin word that literally means “mask,” however in this instance, the word can be applied metaphorically, representing all of the different social masks that we wear among different groups of people and situations. Just let it sink in and acknowledge all the social conditioning. All the times you tried to please everybody but yourself and all the various masks it took in order to do so. How far does it go back? We do this over the course of our entire life, don’t we? All the painful knowledge collected since birth, ultimately contributes to our dark side. Can we truly be completely accountable for it or are we a victim of life? There is hope, and while we have no control over the punches life deals us, we do have control over how we process and acknowledge them.

In chapter 1 we have summoned the courage to acknowledging our shadow self. We have become aware of this wounded dark side within us that carries our burdens and pains. That leashes out from time to time in an ugly way, but with the purest sole intent to protect itself. Perhaps if we can see it from this angle we can pour love over it and accept it as a part of ourselves. It doesn’t make you a bad person and mean, instead try to hear the cry for your attention, your love, the unresolved and underlying issues and conditioning that are still your triggers today. Our next step is to become aware of our masks and to recognize the reasons as to why we wear them. Is it something we want to continue to do, or is it something that no longer fits us? What will it take to shed these masks, are we willing to carry some of the burden from our shadow self and make our load lighter no matter the consequences? What are the consequences, and what have you to lose in an order to gain yourself? Wouldn’t anything that is not encouraging you to be your best version be something that never really had your best interest at heart? Why would you want to hold on to it? I know the many reasons, all encompassing fear, getting out of our comfort zone and the unknown. But is it really worth it to lose yourself over it each and every day? Only you can answer if it’s enough.

It is here where your success is determined whether you are truly ready to face what your shadow self has to show you. You either look at your faults objectively, willing to put in the work for a better more authentic version of yourself, or you stuff it down into your subconscious even deeper than before.

For myself I wasn’t ready to face the music, in this case my shadow self for the majority of my life. It was something frightening, something I denied and suppressed under the umbrella of fear. I spent a lifetime deflecting the pain, a pain that first came into my life at the age of ten and the sudden, accidental death of my father. A deep traumatic event that would affect me for the rest of my life. But eventually, I reached a point I could no longer “stuff it.” I had to face the music. Nothing seemed to fit anymore and it wasn’t a matter of choice. I wasn’t happy with my life and I started to question everything. I was searching for purpose and what I had seen, simply wasn’t enough. There had to be more. More meaning, more purpose, a more fulfilling way of life. It was scary to take that first step, but once you do you will never look back. You will commit to being a lifelong learner, eagerly growing and learning, exploring the true meaning of your life. It was as if a whole new person was born. Someone that was always there but was suppressed for a big part of life. My life….

I want to take a moment and thank my friend Mark for his highly valuable insight and support on the subject, here and always. He is no stranger to facing the shadow self and his advice and wisdom for the world and us is a true gift to me as well as many others. 🙏🏼

The shadow self – The acknowledgement

From time to time we should take a look at ourselves and work with our shadow self. We all have one and it’s the side of us that’s usually hidden in the dark. The side that is less than perfect, a side that is impulsive and wounded. It’s also a side that acts out of character, and that can wound others in an order to protect itself. It’s usually a side we hide and at times avoid to acknowledge. After all it’s painful to stare our flaws into the face, or is it?

Our shadow self might signify our insecurities, our poor behavior and how we react to challenges, but it might also close us up, unable to react at all which can do harm as well. In an article by lonerwolf it is mentioned that if you are truly honest about growing and living your life to the fullest, you will at some point come across many parts of yourself that you’ll find difficult, if not completely disturbing to accept.

These ugly and frightening parts of ourselves are elements of the shadow self: the darker side of our nature. Have you summoned your courage and met some of these parts yet?

The shadow self is an archetype that forms part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, precessions, and embarrassing fears. It’s often what we perceive as chaos and it’s everything that leaves us vulnerable. Almost like judgement day, an attack on our character. This often leaves us wanting to defend ourselves. Surely we are not that bad, are we, “they must have gotten it all wrong, and why couldn’t they see our good intentions?”

So who is this shadow self? It is a part of us, although initially we are born pure, like a blank sheet of paper. But at some point throughout our childhood we learn to separate our experiences into two categories. Good and evil. From the moment we engage in this knowledge our shadow self is born and we begin to divide ourselves into multiple parts. The dark shadow traits accumulate just as much as the pure, light ones do, and it depends on our experiences which part weighs heavier. This happens in the unconscious mind and is never fully integrated into our conscience.

I say that we need to be aware and visit this side from time to time because a lack of awareness can be dangerous. As the dark side within us accumulates and goes without acknowledgment, it can actually take over and tip the balance. It can manifest depression as well as our inner demons. The denial can lead to physical, emotional, and psychological, as well as interpersonal consequences that last a long time.

There is much more that can be said and perhaps I will break it down into a series, should there is any interest. But for now I just want you to sit with your shadow self and try to acknowledge it. Can you recognize some of these traits that make up your darker side? Just be still and bring awareness to it. Be honest with yourself and don’t worry, only you will know this, and it’s your secret for the time being, for you to understand. It’s not evil or a bad part of you, but it is a part that carries a heavy load that consists of your hardships and negative experiences. And please know that your experiences do not make you a bad person. You are a survivor and you’ve made it this far.