Checking in with myself

I have noticed that I more frequently check in with myself. I can’t tell when I started to do so, but I think it’s a lesson I took away from my stay in Germany. It was there that I had plenty of time working through feelings and allowing them to come and go as they must. What I took away is an even sharper sense of awareness, an internal dialogue that acknowledges, works through but doesn’t dismiss.

Checking in with myself has become a habit and only at times when I catch myself, do I become aware that I am doing it. It’s somewhat second nature, a part of my day that doesn’t have a schedule. It could be happening in the morning, in the afternoon or at night. Fact is that it happens and I think it’s a good thing.

So what does this check in with myself look like! It’s relatively simple and you could say that I analyze my state of being, my mood, my emotions and how I feel overall. It is during that time that my senses become keenly aware and I ask myself if there is something that needs to processed, worked on, perhaps released and let go of. Half the time it is that very awareness of acknowledging something that might be an issue or needs attention, that ends up dissolving it into thin air as if it was dealt with and released.

These check ins have been a gift to myself from myself. Call it self love or self help, we are always our biggest supporters as well as our biggest saboteurs. I think that self love lives in the heart while the sabotaging actions often come from the mind and overthinking things. These check ins can have a big impact on ourselves and how we process life and everything we experience. Knowing in your heart that you are worthy and deserving, changing a potential torture (self inflicted) into a blessing (also self inflicted.) Like our spirit Animal for this month, remember that you do have the power to activate peace at any given time.

Symptoms, Signs & Messengers

Nothing is an accident or happens by coincidence. Everything has purpose and I have really come to preach this topic lately, haven’t I? New evidence continues coming forward, new knowledge emerges, and new theories are born, supporting the foundation of what I already know. It takes off from there, and I build with new eyes and motivation. Sharing and penning it down, for further reference, making everything I write stick into my memory bank.

For instance, I have become a firm believer that pain is an outcry and our bodies way to let us know that something is not balanced. That there is a lack, a wounded inner child, an old scar, stress, hardship, emotional strains, physical demands, and something that is unresolved that needs mending. Could the way we think and understand life be applied to other issues as well? I absolutely think so.

What happens if we are too focused on the future or stuck in the past? Are we in or out of alignment when we feel this way? Have you ever paid attention? What is begging you to take a closer look and have you dared to see? Life will always happen one way or another and the pressures to be perfect, to be up to par, a 100% all the time will only mount even more in time. So these symptoms, signs, and messengers could actually become our allies if we learn to understand and read them. Here is another example…

What happens when we feel down? When we are sad or depressed? Could this way of feeling be seen in a similar way, as an indication that something within us is seeking to be released. That something is out of balance? Any negative emotion that is in your awareness is only ever there because it is seeking to be acknowledged, to be freed. It doesn’t come up to be pushed back down into hiding, to be fought against or even ignored. No, it has surfaced, giving you the opportunity to fix and resolve it. So instead of fighting that feeling, perhaps we need to seek understanding why it is there. We need to be courageous and dare. Give it your full attention and find out what it has to tell you.

Negative emotions are often an indication that you believe something that either isn’t true or isn’t in your highest good, about yourself, others, or what you desire. Take some time to sit with it. Meditate, observe and view everything through the lens of love. Allow it and shed all resistance, be objective and patient, the false belief will reveal itself and let itself out in time. And the next time when you feel down, when something just doesn’t sit right, when you are overwhelmed by life or the experiences thereof, sit back for a moment and listen. Perhaps an answer is found within the symptoms, the signs or the messengers that are really here to help you through it.

Misconceptions of the Shadow self

As soon as I inserted this picture something became obvious and it seems to me that there is an inner dialogue going on that I haven’t noticed before. Every time I write about shadow work, or inner child healing or some other profound topic of self care, it always seems that my images that go along with the post are often black and white. So what you might think, what’s the big deal. I see it as the balance between the light and the darkness within all of us. Perhaps it is metaphorical for the light to transform the darkness. Perhaps it is the realization that the darkness has much to teach us and is required just as well. Once again balance is the key to finding a coexistence between both.

It is safe to say though that many shy away from shadow work and that the misconception exists that the shadow is the home to the worst parts of ourselves. Yet they still are a part of us, do we love them any less, do we dispose them and banish them back to the darkness. Far away from us so we don’t have to deal with it or face up to it. Whatever we do, this belief is false and the shadow is actually the home to the parts of ourselves that WE have rejected. So how could it ever be so intimidating if we made that choice? What we have done here is that we have judged ourselves, and in the process of it we deemed these parts of us as unworthy, as unlovable, as unacceptable. We have punished ourselves and inflicted what we are often scared to receive from others. Yet we did it to ourself, all while we should’ve been our best support, our biggest fan. We marked these parts as bad, yet it is not a place were our worst parts remain. It is for these rejected parts that the shadow, our shadow side remains full of untapped potential and creativity. Just like the light tries trying to transform the darkness we can transform these rejected parts of ourselves with love. Have you ever been punished by Love? Can you imagine what could be if we extended that kind of grace to ourselves?

Keeping it real – Finding the courage to embrace our “self”

This pictures speaks a 1000 words to me and let’s face it, it’s not always easy being ourselves, is it? Or should I say to be accepted as ourselves! Daily, there are so many influences that constantly challenge us to fit in with the majority, to follow mass beliefs and to conform to what is acceptable and honored by society and mankind. Daily, we dig deep to muster the courage to be ourselves, to continue swimming against the grain and to be our true, authentic self.

Today I want to hear from you and I solicit your feedback of what that looks like for you in your daily practice. How do you stay true to yourself? What practices have worked for you and what advice would you give someone along their own journey?

Before you make your way out of hell

There will always be some sort of hill to climb. There will always be another challenge around the corner, waiting to emerge, as soon as we finish tackling the current situation at hand. Call it hell, hardship, life, bad luck or whatever comes to mind, but fact is that these moments become our greatest teachers. For those moments bring us face to face with ourselves and allow us to get to know who we really are. It teaches what we are made of and what is important to us. Often we don’t know it ourselves until we find ourselves in some sort of misery. It is here that we get introduced to our inner fears, our vulnerabilities, weaknesses, what makes us tick, and what brings us a great deal of struggle and adversity. Here, we become the observers to how we react, and how we handle each challenge that we’re faced with. Soon or later we have to become our own judge, reevaluating our actions, deciding if we are at peace with our actions or if they have been poorly. Soon or later we have to take that honest look and address our flaws in an effort so that they don’t hurt anyone, including ourselves. It can be hell for some of us and perhaps we have postponed the climb out a few times in the past.

But you see, before making your way out of “hell” you must walk through the depths of your inner darkness. Unless you learn to first embrace that darkness within yourself, you can never pursue the light of self love in a balanced way. Genuine self love is one of the most profound experiences in the universe. However, it takes time, sincere dedication, and discipline to develop. On a daily basis, we are surrounded by so many images, beliefs, and behaviors that reinforce the idea of self hatred, of being hard on ourselves, that it can be difficult for us to connect to the love inside of us.

I used to think that it was kind and noble of me to put everybody before me. To consider their needs before mine for it would have been selfish of me to only think of myself. I bet you can relate. Perhaps there is still a shred of the old belief system left, but my vision has changed. I don’t see it as selfish anymore and I recognize that back in those days I was lacking a good dose of self respect and self love. I sacrificed a great deal because of it and it was just the way it was. No thoughts and doubts about it. Today I love myself in a new light. One that is soft and forgiving, understanding and encouraging. One that is gentle with myself because I have faced the darkness within myself. I have and continue to heal what must be healed and because of that it has shown me a great deal of self respect and love. In the end, I conclude that I am not afraid of the next hill that might appear in front of me. There is a feeling now of knowing that I can conquer whatever comes next. Fear no longer has a hold of me. Perhaps I’m too tired to be fearful, but it’s more realizing that I am the storm and quotes/phrases like these have a profound new meaning to me. The words ring truer than ever and there is a trust and belief, a guidance, a feeling of being loved and supported, telling me that everything will always be fine.

Love and light, shadow work and it’s many lessons

Today I feel like writing more about Shadow work . I’ve read something that sparked a thought in regards to my recent post about Love and light . I feel there is a connection between shadow work and love and light.

It is important to recognize that not everything is always love and light. Things can’t always go to plan, avoiding any and every possible challenge, 24/7. It just doesn’t work that way in real life. Having such an expectation that everything should always be roses, will actually set you back on this healing journey of coming into yourself, and home. You would face massive disappointments, because this journey does include you coming to terms and addressing some of the darkest aspects of yourself. It is about learning to balance your shadow self with love and light. To meet yourself with compassion and understanding when you don’t act as yourself or out of character. It is learning the deeper meanings and reasons as to why, to do the work, and release that energy and karma. Only then can you truly maximize the healing journey.

Being too far on either side causes imbalance and can be bad. It can instill fear and prevent you from doing the work necessary to connect to your highest good. Do not be afraid of the darkness, but instead embrace it, and understand it.

Your Mission

Have you ever wondered what your mission is here on earth? It’s safe to say it is a question we all have asked ourselves at some point. As humans we need purpose, a reason, something tangible that we can focus on and pursue. I’ve used to ask myself the same, seemingly going around in circles, never coming to a conclusion or an answer. Maybe there wasn’t one at that time and I merely continued on, plugging away, accepting this to be the truth. I don’t ask that much anymore, and I go more with the flow of things instead. I believe that just the right information and what I need will be revealed to me at the perfect time. It sounds easy no doubt, but walking this path is often hard and there are hiccups along the way and rocky terrain. I am just coming out of a rocky section and I am slowly remembering these words, readjusting my own focus and direction. Tonight’s reiki healing will further help promote and strengthen this well being. I will prepare throughout the day and scan myself for any negative residue before connecting with you in the energetic. See you tonight.

But before I go, let’s take one more look at our mission. It was later in life that I learned a little more about it. My mission and this is the conclusion I have drawn. Part of our mission on earth is to master our thoughts, our vibrations, our frequency, so that we can move through all of life with more ease. It’s a complex concept and yet it sounds so simple, making perfect sense. It is work in progress, filled with experiences and learning way beyond the classroom. Some of our most important knowledge is not learned in schools, but in the path of our lives. Schools are important and teach us the smarts of how to become successful. How to be happy and be a different kind of successful and at peace with life and our mission comes from a different kind of source and is something not taught in schools. Most likely we wouldn’t be ready to learn these lessons then without the experiences that accumulate over the course of a lifetime.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you been able to define your mission and what it is?

The Monsters within

Picture taken from google

This year so far has been largely about self awareness, understanding, and growths. About recognizing, as well as stopping to resist, to not interfere, to utilize, and be patient for the right timing. It’s been a huge growths push, layering on and deepening the journey I have found myself on over the last couple of years.

It’s been about making peace with the way things are. I’d say I’ve come a little ways, understanding and forgiving, letting the past rest (mostly) and looking ahead with optimism and excitement. I am at peace with the progress and where I am at, even though things are not perfect. I don’t think they will ever be and you know what? That’s ok, I don’t need perfect.

There has been a lot of insight about how the past has shaped me, why I reacted the way I did, what changed and how I see the future unfold. It feels as if the mental, undecided struggle of what is the best choice, what if I do this, what’s the outcome of that, and what to do period, is over.

This year has been filled with periods of looking within, to find cause, addressing and working with my shadow self and any darkness that is in my heart. To meet this void with unconditional love and without judgement. To not condemn it but to meet it with love. Not only within myself, but also in others who might have shared mutual negative experiences. Alone or with each other. It’s been a year of forgiveness and letting go. Of not holding on to the emotional baggage. It’s even been a year of losing people I once thought close to me. It’s been hard coming to trust that even there is reasoning behind it and it hurt to lose these people. Yet I have to trust and try to understand that our journey has taken us into different directions.

While many would define 2020 as a tough and challenging year, I definitely don’t disagree. But I do have to admit that I have come to see it in a much different light then that. I have learned to always look for the lesson and to embrace it with positivity, no matter what. For me, 2020 has been an important year. A year of many personal breakthroughs and personal growths. I can say that I have done my best and I’m ok with that. Being able to say so doesn’t mean that there are no things I wish could be different. But it means arriving at a point where you can accept the reality of it without feeling disturbed by it. A point where you no longer fight and try to control the outcome. Where either way it goes, you learn to dance with whatever comes your way.

A quote crossed my path and like so often spoke to me. I can only agree and it truly is great advice.

“Until we have met the monsters in ourselves, we will keep trying to slay them in the outer world. For all darkness in the world stems from darkness in the heart. And it is there we must do our work.”

~Marianne Williamson

Discordant Emotions and Seed Thoughts

Picture from my adventures along the Nevada’n highways ❤️

Not too long ago I’ve written about a book from Danielle MacKinnon called Soul Contracts. In that post I talked about your support network, understanding the bigger picture, our connection to source, the need for safety and our root belief system. I would like to revisit this post and dig a little deeper. I have a feeling it needs more clarification for understanding how things come to be.

Let’s start with Seed Thoughts.

According to MacKinnon a Seed Thought is an original thought you had about yourself (usually accompanied by intense negative emotions called Discordant Emotions) that you planted in your soul, rather than experiencing it and growing from it. This thought was created by a life experience, something you, yourself experienced. Something, or someone made you feel extremely negative about yourself and whatever was said or done hit to the core. You came to believe how the world made you feel, and it has now become a Seed Thought (how you view yourself) that is stored within your soul. It will remain there, and it will trigger from time to time as similar experiences arise. The cycle repeats until you experience this Discordant Emotion and face it.

Facing past trauma is extremely painful for many, and it means you will have to revisit that very experience that made you feel this hurt. You will have to identify the negative emotions that you adapted about yourself, why and how they came to be, and you will have to address a dose of self doubt, fear, and uncertainty. Only by pinpointing the event and working through it, including the feelings, the emotions and the experience, coming to terms and understanding why you experienced it the way you did, will eventually allow you to put in the work, face the demons, and release this energy for good. Only then will you be in a position to let go of it and become free.

What about Discordant Emotions? These are the intensely negative emotions you felt at the time when you embedded your Seed Thought into your soul. These emotions are embedded with your Seed Thought, and those too, are here to stay. They are the reason as to why you continue to re-experience them as an adult, until you learn to release them.

Most people are surprised to find how many Discordant Energies they carry with them. Worry, anxiety, stress, depression, and fear are the most common, but most people attract other types as well. Can you identify any of these emotions within yourself?

Perhaps this post sheds a little more light and understanding on this complex subject. Perhaps we can be a little gentler on ourselves and meet ourselves with more compassion and empathy. 🙏🏼 I think you are doing amazing and you know I’m right 😉💙

Guided

Many of us try so hard to find our way, to learn about our purpose and to find a sense of belonging. Sometimes we spend a lifetime trying to figure it out, and while changes are always at work, we are often unaware of them and unawakened. Many go go through life trying to learn whatever lessons are in store, and throughout the process develop a self defense mechanism. It’s a means of protection, one that’s suppose to shield us from pain, one that lashes out from time to time and here and there rear’s it ugly head, ultimately holding us a prisoner.

It is said that our soul already knows the way and that we have everything we need within us. I’ve heard this saying a long time ago and was reminded of it just recently. In a different time and a different place, it would come to me with a new understanding and meaning.

I remembered it while being still and engaging in an old hobby. Reading. The first book that came to me after a long break of not reading, was called the Untethered Soul and it was the one that really put things into perspective for me. It helped me understand the reactions of others and my own. It allowed me to find compassion in the harfest to find places and forgive even when it seemed impossible to forgive. But it was the second book and reading about Soul Contract that made me remember this saying.

Both books (self help books) came with a bit of hindsight and with the realization that I was putting in the work already. Subconsciously I was already plugging away as if I knew exactly what needed to be done. My soul was already hard at work, guiding me and the books merely shed light onto what was going on. It was the books that brought the realization, the explanations, the understanding. There was no doubt that all Shadow work, had led me to my work with my soul contracts. It was during the last chapter of the book, in how to release the energy of the soul contracts that I nodded and became aware of that this is what must have been happening already.

MacKinnon mentions that during the process of releasing this dark, heavy energy many of her clients have unintentionally lost weight or became more physically active and healthy. They intuitively felt a desire to get up, get moving, and create a physical release, such as playing a sport or starting to exercise. One client started their own business while another quit smoking. One got a drastic haircut, or made other sweeping changes. Was this where my motivation cane from and what had ignited the fire within.