A big day for me and the future of my childhood home. Meet the new owners of Mom’s (my) house. Honestly I couldn’t have found better people and I am at peace knowing the house will be in the most caring and the most loving hands possible. Still… no doubt it’s a huge step for me to turn over the key as this chapter is closing. Walking these rooms, these walls, locking the door for the last time will be a strange feeling to say the least. And it will be emotional and it might not even sink in right away that I am walking away forever. That it will be final, done, over. I am glad and sad at the same time. I will hold onto the thought, knowing this house will receive the deserved renovation and that these walls will fill with new life and laughter of joy to drown out the pain of a “once upon a time.’
The movers came today and the few processions I picked to bring along are making the long journey to the States of America. it was a strange feeling to see this special selected pile that once was mostly Moms leave. So much has left the house already but this felt different. I suppose it’s because everything selected has meaning and I’m vested in those selections. I am almost a bit nervous and scared, crossing my fingers that it will make the journey sound and safe. There is so little time left until I leave, it’s packed with things of importance, things such as outings and people I saved to the end, things of my choosing and still it almost feels hectic. I recognize a pattern and I think back to the last time I saw Mom alive. It was similar and I got myself so busy that I hardly had the time to feel anything. Today I know it was to distract me from the pain of saying goodbye. Something similar is happening now and im trying to stop, to slow down, to feel it all but it is scary and sad. With Mom I always wished I wouldn’t have hurried so much. Now I have another chance and it’s going down the same way, I tend to hurry to protect my heart but I don’t want to feel the sane way later again, wising I had slowed down. Dad asked me today if I thought that we’d see each other again in this lifetime and the sadness in his voice cut me to the core. Of course I summoned all of my strengths in that moment, asking him back why he would place such a burden upon himself and torture his heart. Now in a moment alone, the tears are rolling down my face because it is a question no one knows the answer to and it’s quite possible that we won’t see each other again.
We can look to Mother Nature for many natural healing processes and from time to time I like to share some amazing finds. Here are a few proven methods ways you can improve your hair / scalp health.
For instance, do you know that Rosemary prevents hair follicles from being starved of blood supply, dying off, and leading to hair loss? Take a look at few more…
Avocado – massaging avocado oil into your scalp also stimulates blood flow to your hair follicles.
Jojoba – Jojoba oil is capable of moisturizing hair and it’s follicles without leaving any residue. It can help hair cells to reproduce themselves at a rapid pace.
Lavender – 2016 study found that lavender oil applied to mice (ughhh I don’t really like animal studies, and at least one wasn’t harmful) made them grow more hair. Their hair also grew thicker and faster than normal. Per theses studies, lavender oil may help with issues like pattern baldness or alopecia.
Eucalyptus – Eucalyptus is a great way to stimulate hair follicles. This is likely because eucalyptus can bring down inflammation in the scalp which helps create an ideal environment for hair growth.
Lemongrass – Lemongrass is a oil that is antibacterial and strengthens hair follicles, it creates a conducive environment on your scalp for healthy hair growth.
Tea Tree – Tea Tree oil helps to unclog hair follicles and nourish your roots.
Castor – Castor oil for hair loss and hair growth is one of the best organic solutions. What are the unique properties of castor oil? It has a special fatty acid concentration containing omega essential fatty acids, including the very rare ricinoleic fatty acid. The composition is what makes castor oil such a robust excipient.
AMLA – massaging your scalp with amla oil helps boost blood circulation. This, in turn, optimizes nourishment to your follicles and increases hair growth.
Not fitting in can be painful when you are still working on coming to terms. And coming to terms involves many aspects. Life, destiny, hard times, outlook, your life, opinions, acceptance, popular view, society and the list goes on.
I have learned that what we strive so hard to accomplish, to fit in, is not a given nor a must. Not fitting in is actually a gift. It sets us up for a journey to find a sanctuary within ourselves. So enjoy the pain along the way and change your view. You are perfect the way you are and it all comes down to that unconditional, that love, that forgiving and the acceptance to what is without interfering.
“Dad” is pretty Mobil for a man 85 years young and with only one leg. He goes grocery shopping, does online banking, still does laundry or whatever else he can do, There isn’t much he can’t do or that I noticed. He will even climb the stairs up to the upper level or decant down into the cellar. At first I thought it was ridiculous, suicide like, but don’t underestimate a man on a mission or someone who has put their mind to accomplishing something.
Over the past few weeks we have started to venture into the city. With the improved, slightly too hot weather for me, many festivals have finally resumed after the long Covid break. I have learned many new things of this city we both love so much and he has been a wonderful tour guide. Even the pope lived in a house of the same neighborhood where he learned to speak German. . I will surely miss our outings, with him driving and me walking besides him.
Today on Father’s Day here in Germany I give thanks to two special men. My birth father and his brother, my adoptive father. Both of theses men have played a vital role in my life and have left footprints all over my heart.
Today, as an adult I’m happy I got to spend the day with one of them and travel to the birthplace where my two fathers along with four more siblings were born. It sure was a trip down memory lane, especially for “dad” who hasn’t been here in many years. I’m still hungry for my family history, for the little tidbits and stories that are still remembered and talked about on occasion with a smile. I’m glad that I had the chance to learn a few of them.
The last box was sealed today and the movers are coming on the 30th. What a strange collection of things I am taking back with me to the states. All in all only 20 boxes and I think I past my test to keep living on a tiny scale.
What is returning with me is a collection of old and new. A collection of projects and pieces that will one day find their place in my final, my forever home. Such as this old door that was up in the attic of the house in Germany. I hope to refinish it and use it somewhere at a later time. You should see the key for it. I’m sure the movers will think of what a strange collection it is that I paid good money to have shipped. I see the potential in things and it’s often pieces that others consider junk that become my treasures. I like it that way and therefore we all get what we want.
It felt strange to seal the last box. Almost like a bit of closure, sealing the last artifacts that made the list. Much is still staying behind but even those things are vanishing and leaving this house. I never expected it to become this empty and I thought much would stay for the new owners, but it’s a good sign that these pieces found a new use and a new life. I can’t wait to redo this door and to mingle the old with the new to create a cozy space. A new chapter is about to start when I get back and I will search for land where I can build my tiny abode.
The passion for motorcycles runs in my family, and from little on I would wait at the end of the driveway to catch a ride on the Gastank when my Dad came home from work. Many family members ride still today, but I have always been the only woman in our family licensed and with an actual motorcycle.
Pictured above was my first bike and what a show stopper it was at the time. Belt driven and liquid cooled, a big deal back then and so was the according price tag. It was the most expensive in its class, and it wasn’t a matter of that, but I simply didn’t like the other models. This was the one and I paid the price for it by financing it, working only part time and having to say no to many fun activities with my friends due to my obligations of paying off the loan. I would do it again, in a heartbeat. It’s a passion, a feeling you carry inside that is hard to explain. It’s something you feel, something that elates your heart and I am planning to be well enough to ride again. Soon, very soon.
The last week has started and it’s hard to believe that I will be flying back to the states next week. There is still so much my heart is processing but overall I feel good how everything transpired and worked out. Things that once choked my heart and breath, seemingly impossible to overcome, unable to conclude where to even start, one by one fell into place. Each day tasks are marked off the list and with each there comes a little more lightness my way. It’s quite something to look back and see the progress of what all had to and what all did transpire.
Before this all started my cousin and I once said that one day we will look at each other and say “unbelievable what we all accomplished.” Today was that day as I looked at her during a coffee get together and I said that very statement. What seemed so daunting, impossible and scary was mostly behind me now and as a sigh of relief this statement expressed exactly what needed to be said. And I’m beyond grateful that I didn’t had to walk to road alone and had such amazing company. Thank you.
I always had a little visiter on my previous visits to Germany. Bember, the neighborhood cat. Mom used to feed the Momma cat and so it was only normal that her daughter came too.
During my stay, Bember was always a welcome guest at my house. She came to eat but often just to snuggle and give me some company. I missed her on this trip and I had a feeling the last time already that I wouldn’t see her again. It’s amazing how animals can influence and impact our lives and I look forward to see my little Cinnamon girl soon.