Angel Message – You Are Magic

It was the day after the unusual Dragonfly encounter that I decided to draw a card from my postcards from spirit deck. The signs were strong throughout the week and whether it was my initial intuition about Moms spirit ready to leave, or the unusual amount of feathers that crossed my path, or the dragonfly sitting on my head, all gently painted towards Mom’s end of her journey.

She was still fighting and declining rapidly. It was hard to believe that just a week ago I talked to her almost as if normal. Neither one of us would know that this was the last normal conversation we would have. Her condition declined almost overnight, and it was hard to see her so out of it, so weak, just mumbling and barely coherent.

The first thing I noticed on the card was the symbol of the dragonfly and the words “You Are Magic” underneath it. No ordinary moments right, but it was the explanation of the card that hit home even more and confirmed my feelings once more.

Dearest You,

There are times when loss is a part of life. Sometimes the loss is welcome, when you leave a situation not in alignment with your highest good. Sometimes the loss is sudden and painful, like when a loved one crosses over to our dimension. Regardless of the nature of your loss and your control over it, your experience is asking to be acknowledged. Tears are necessary, as is grief. When you repress the natural expression of loss and try to move on too quickly, the unprocessed pain haunts you in destructive ways. We don’t want that for you! Instead let your heart break open wide. Feel the loss and integrate it. See the beauty that was, the lessons learned, and know that as you let go of what has passed, evermore of you remains. It gets better, I promise. Your heart expands with more compassion for the world than ever before. Love heals all.

We are loving you, sending you love, always and forever….

Millions of Years

Photo taken from Pinterest

While spending time in nature recently, a beautiful dragonfly flew into my hair. I could feel her touch on the top of my head, and immediately I knew this wasn’t an ordinary moment. For a moment she just sat there, and so did I….

I saw her fly towards me, but never in a million years did I imagine she would land on my head. What an unusual encounter I thought, and there had to be a valid message she was delivering me. Why else would she get my attention in such a unique way?

Did you know that dragonflies have flown the earth for 300 million years? Dragonflies symbolize our ability to overcome times of hardship. They remind us to take time to reconnect with our strength, courage and happiness.

I’d say there couldn’t have been a more powerful and timely reminder. No ordinary moments….❤️

Fly with the Angels ❤️

This is hard to write, but I have to and I already have to honor your memory, despite the pain I feel right now. This is about YOU and not me and my pain.

Mom 19th July 1938 – 28th September 2019

My heart is in so much hurt tonight and feels the loss only a daughter can feel for her mother. It’s ironic how far away I have been all of these years, how much time we missed, and already tonight I miss you so much and wished I could talk to you and make you laugh once more. I imagine everyone feels this way, and some day we won’t get another chance to do that. For me that day came today and I am sorry I didn’t make it back to Germany in time. I am grateful for the ten month we had last year and our time together will always be close to my heart, for it was the closest time we ever spent together.

You see I have prepared for this moment all of my life, ever since Dad died, but can one truly ever prepare for the loss of a loved one? I take little comfort right now knowing that you no longer have to suffer and it is what I need to hold on to keep myself in the light, helping me through these difficult times.

I planned to leave a heart rock for you in a special place the other day. Along the way I found another heart rock missing a piece from the top left corner. To me it was symbolic of our hearts together and that a piece of my heart will forever be with you.

I love you forever and I will visit you in the energetic world where no pain exists and where you are reunited with Dad, the love of your life once more. Where you can run again and are not restricted to a wheelchair. Where you can see your parents and be without suffering. Where you can be free and be loved the way you deserve to be.

RIP Mom, I promise I am doing my best to be strong, but it is undeniable that life has and will be changed a great deal without you. I can only hope to find half the strengths you had in your life here on earth, because you have overcome some incredible odds. I carry you in my heart always, until we meet again. All of my love….your loving daughter.

Walking with Mom

Picture credit unknown

This is a highly emotional and personal post. A walk and journey I am sharing with Mom, mostly alone but also with you as many of you have walked this path before me. Oh sure there are loving people on the sidelines that want to help, and I am grateful and willing to accept whatever help I can, and whenever times make it possible for me to tap into. But mostly this is a journey only a Mother and Daughter will make at some point. I’ve been afraid of “that point” for a long time, and in actuality have prepared for it all of my life, but can one ever truly be prepared? I don’t think so.

It was last Saturday when the message finally came and when everything escalated. After briefly talking to Mom the Tuesday before, she was already admitted back into the hospital the very next day with acute breathing problems. I was told that she can’t breathe and therefore is not eating. She has water in her lungs and her heart is failing. That she can’t talk because everything is very strenuous for her and that a visit had to be cut short because of her state of being. It was on that day, that for the first time ever I felt Moms spirit leaving. It was the first time I ever felt this way, and Mom has defied the odds being deathly ill a few times before. In the past I was always convinced that it wasn’t her time, and although I was worried because I didn’t want to see her suffer, I never believed that she was in any real danger. And she always pulled through, surprising everyone about her remarkable recovery. Until now…this was different. There are signs I don’t want to acknowledge but which I see clearly. There is intuition I want to ignore and there is a knowing I wish wasn’t there. There is a hunch, a feeling that can’t be denied and yet in a way one hopes to be wrong. But for what? To buy a few more weeks, months, perhaps a year? Precious time indeed and a day could be the best present ever, but it comes with a price. For the ones that suffer and the ones who wait fear of that call.

It’s been a rollercoaster week and things are getting worse with no improvement. The nursing home has already contacted me wanting to know how to proceed. Wanting to honor Mom’s wishes to be left alone, in her own surroundings, and her not wanting to go back into the hospital. I am to decide what’s next, but what’s next is not really in my control is it? A few emails were exchanged, some a bit heated, stating that it was my utmost hope that the question of whether to even call an ambulance the next time, could surely not have been a valid question or concern. Someone is in need…you call for help, no need to ask.

I was told Mom is weak and has no will to fight left in her. I know I can’t blame myself, but I also know that it is because she is giving up hope that I will be back, to be by her side, to take her home. She has no strengths left to survive, facing a place she doesn’t want to be and I wished this could have been different and she could have stayed at home. I will always feel horrible about that and I will always have to remind myself that this was the only way for her to survive. I couldn’t have lived with that death sentence of leaving her home alone. In a way it turned out to be a death sentence either way now and Mom never adjusted to the home. There are no winners walking away here.

I am in the process of leaving for Germany shortly as time is of the essence and I might be too late already. I am not ready to go and honestly it scares the hell out of me, but I am hoping to leave next week sometime. I know i have to pick up my swords of love and faith once more, despite being still so tired and not a 100% healthy myself yet. But I have no choice and I can feel my body preparing myself. Strong at times but also allowing myself to feel the emotions of grief and loss that awaits. Right now the stronger side is still winning, and it’s almost like shock is taking over, my soul is protecting me from the harsh reality that is sure to catch up soon enough. But for the moment I find myself in a place of having be strong because being strong is all there is left.

I was strangely calm, after journeying to connect with Mom energetically. I can’t ask her to stay for selfish reasons if she is ready to go. She has been lonely for a long time and Dad is waiting for her. It is hard to say that it would be best for all if she no longer suffered and wasn’t around. When all burdens of looking after a helpless and dependent person were gone. When my life is could resume without being in limbo and fused with the guilt of feeling helpless, unable to give Mom the answers she so much wanted to hear from her loving daughter. It sounds awful and the only thing that carries me is to see an end to her suffering and unhappiness.

The human journey

The human journey is not to learn to love each other….

It is to learn to love ourselves

For once we learn to love ourselves, we will naturally love the reflections of ourselves.

~Karen Star

5D Consciousness

Maybe life continues to spin at dizzying speeds for you. It sure does for me and I’m holding on tight. The past two years have been filled with lessons, not always pleasant, and sometimes I have wondered, will it ever end. In truth, I know better, and in truth I know we will never be done learning and experiencing new lessons. Life is one big adventure with constant ups and downs, and new experiences to be processed. What is shifting, is how am dealing with these moments and it has changed over the years, allowing me to look back and see the progress.

I have always been pretty calm, not resisting change too much. I think there wasn’t really a need for much surrender as I was always there for the most part. What is new is my viewpoint and welcoming these experiences to the best of my ability. Just like you, I can’t say that I have liked them all, but I have always looked for the meaning and the purpose of any given situation. I feel that I am much more aware today, and I guess in reality we will always feel this way, because we really don’t know any different until we grow again and can reflect back at a later time. Have you ever heard of 5D Consciousness? Entering a higher awareness? Here is what is suppose to happen when you shift into this state.

1. You see synchronicities such as repetitive numbers, signs, and patterns that get your attention.
2. You’re re-evaluating EVERYTHING in your life, such as career, relationships, values, and even your sense of self.
3. You’re seeking a deeper meaning and purpose in your life. Surface level pleasures and stimulation is no longer enough.
4. You have a new found interest or obsession with spirituality. You’re reading books, blogs, and staying up late watching videos all about spirituality or metaphysics.
5. You’re going through a sometimes confusing, sometimes scary and yet highly EXCITING personal transformation, and you KNOW intuitively that good things are coming!

I know that many of you will relate to some of these points and I would love to hear your opinion and personal experiences with this. Perhaps this makes sense now and you have felt like this for awhile, not knowing what it was or what to call it. I can’t be alone out here 😉

Mabon – Autumn Equinox

Yesterday was the first day of Fall, and a different chill filled the air. The breeze was cooler than usual, and the days are already getting so short. For a Nature lover like me, it prevents a challenge to get all of my fix in before daylight fades. It sure felt like it yesterday, but it was a time of stillness and reflection. A time of peace and surrender. A time for grounding and a time for healing. There are many current worries with Mom’s health etc. but my heart was calm and at ease. Calm, like this beautiful first day of Autumn that made me feel as if I was seeing the world anew once again.

Mabon is a time of balance, when light and dark for a moment are equal. From this time onwards, the darkness will consume the light until it is reborn on the winter solstice.

Mabon marks the first official day of Fall. It is a time to reap what you’ve sown, both literally and figuratively. It is a time to reflect on the previous year, when we can celebrate our successes and assess which dreams didn’t come to fruition.

This harvest festival is the time to express gratitude, complete projects, and honor this moment of balance.

SageGoddess.com

PS. Monday was the first day of Fall but Winter is making an appearance by this weekend with snow in the forecast 😳 It’s tooooo early and I’m still snowed out from the last winter.

First light

There were many years when my blinds were tightly shut to block out any and all first light. To not get woken by the brightness in my face, and allow to sleep in, especially on my days off.

I haven’t worked or had to set the alarm clock for a long time, and today much of this prior mindset has changed. Now my blinds are cracked and I love being able to stargaze at night, and wake up to the light to embrace another day. It’s a privilege I have come to value more and more.

I never thought to be a person who took much for granted, but after Germany and fighting to get my life and health back, this has reached a whole new level. With certainty have I become even more grateful and it made me reevaluate things once more. I find myself needing less and less of the material world, and the list of what truly matters is getting shorter and shorter. Long have I given up the desire to fight and argue, wait…..I don’t think I ever enjoyed that. But I don’t really enjoy to prove a point, to be right and prove someone wrong. To empower myself by putting someone down. To stress over the small stuff, and it’s mostly all small stuff. Having something major happening in your life will truly put things into a different perspective.

Daylight and this first light is such a precious part of my life now, for it means I have been blessed with yet another gift and another day to get it right.

Wishing you a beautiful week 🙏🏼

Uninspired

I am struggling a little at the current time and feel uninspired. Kind of hard to imagine, looking at this beautiful picture, but at the moment it is merely a filler, giving you something beautiful to look at. It’s another favorite spot.

Irene my friend, you are right and the lack of inspiration comes from the recent worries and stresses about Mom being in the hospital once more and not doing well. Today was a tough day, and while I need to, I can’t talk about it right now and all my attention and love is with Mom. Payers are definitely needed…thank you. ❤️

Party of a lifetime

Burning Man recently concluded here in the US, and I wanted to share a sneak peek if you don’t know what it is. It is the party of a lifetime, filled with creativity, music, and art.

I live close to where this annual festival takes place and draws people from all over the world. It’s a place to express your own uniqueness with the opportunity to be anything and anyone you’d like to be. It’s pretend play where like minded stressed minds escape the reality of day to day life and dress in steampunk attire, various other characters, or little to no clothing outfits. You should see the lines on opening day. Probably worse than any traffic jam you ever found yourself in. Just to see the artwork would be amazing, and several pieces always get donated to the city each year once the festival concludes. The sheer size of them is amazing, and being covered in layers of fine white sandstorm dust surely presents a transportation problem.