Posted in Adventure, Love, Motorcycle

My first Motorcycle

The passion for motorcycles runs in my family, and from little on I would wait at the end of the driveway to catch a ride on the Gastank when my Dad came home from work. Many family members ride still today, but I have always been the only woman in our family licensed and with an actual motorcycle.

Pictured above was my first bike and what a show stopper it was at the time. Belt driven and liquid cooled, a big deal back then and so was the according price tag. It was the most expensive in its class, and it wasn’t a matter of that, but I simply didn’t like the other models. This was the one and I paid the price for it by financing it, working only part time and having to say no to many fun activities with my friends due to my obligations of paying off the loan. I would do it again, in a heartbeat. It’s a passion, a feeling you carry inside that is hard to explain. It’s something you feel, something that elates your heart and I am planning to be well enough to ride again. Soon, very soon.

Posted in Awareness, Journey, Love

Pity or unconditional self love

A soft spot was touched today and it left me feeling emotional. It didn’t happen all at once and I didn’t notice mich while I was in the middle of it, but it would sure find me during the evening when everything would settle.

For years I wondered what Mom did with my children books, fairytales, my games, crafts, toys, etc. I remembered a few things but not many and it felt like much of my youth did anyways…wiped out with little to no recollection. I thought Mom had gotten rid of everything like things that were outgrown, me no longer being a child. Now I sit here and wonder how I could ever believe this for one moment. Mom kept everything, even her own Konfirmation cards from 1953.

A few dusty boxes in the attic held my childhood memories and I have yet to look closely at all that is inside. A few pieces such as collected paintings from school, games, crafted items and other favorites brought instand memories. It felt as if I was transported back to that time, happy to see an old friend, being reunited over decades that had passed.

It wasn’t until the evening when I sat down, alone, that the emotions overwhelmed me. Unlike going through Mom’s things that I don’t have much of a connection to and which are material processions, seeing these old pieces that once were my life, made things very personal for me. It was more than material bliss, it was an emotion, a feeling, a story of happiness as well as pain. I remembered and I heard myself say as if I was looking in from the outside, a bystander, observing, I mumbled the words “dear poor child, how much you had to endure.” Was it then that I found unconditional love for myself or would someone see it as pity? I suppose it doesn’t really matter how it would be viewed but I know that this is something I carried all of my life. Something that needs to be healed and addressed. I have indeed endured a lot over a lifetime but the pain lies in these early years, those years after my Dad passed that shaped me for my entire life. I can see it in my grades from school and the decline is noticeably after my Dad died. I was lost for many years and now I am back to revisit those early years by coming face to face with some of my own processions from that time. I think it is needed that I go back to that time and heal the pain that never quite went away.

Posted in Celebration, Family, Love

April fools day & a wedding

It was April fools day, the first day of April. The weather had been decent until that particular day as it began to snow like crazy and wouldn’t stop for two days. It was also the day my cousin, now my Brother was getting married to the love of his life. I am glad that I was here and that I could join this special day and celebrate with these two love birds. May many blessings continue to find their way into their life and may they live happily ever after. Congratulations 💙

Posted in Animals, Love, Pets

Savoring every moment

I have come to love this little girl a great deal and she is very special to me. She thinks she human and has quite a few unique quirks, making her one of a kind, with a personality to match. As the days are ticking down and merely a week is left before my departure to Germany, every moment is savored and emphasized. I hug her with all of my awareness. I pet her involving all of my senses, as if I need to store that feeling into a safe place to recall it later when we are apart. I bury my face into her fur and breathe in her sense as if she was a person I am trying to remember. I am making more and more time for her, often just being close, cuddling her and feeling her warm little body next to mine.

To be honest I love to live with awareness and intention. To experience each feeling, each sensation, each touch with all of their feelings. I love to be conscious of the moment and turn it into a precious memory that I can always hold dear to my heart. For me it’s the difference between existing and truly living. To do things with a purpose, a meaning, to do it with heart and soul. and to take time and smell the roses, although it’s a bunch of fur I’m talking about smelling here. But it’s those moments, that are important, that touch our hearts and later create the memories.

I will definitely miss this little stinker and sometimes the feeling gets the better of me and overwhelms me as the tears begin to flow. She will be greatly taken care off and perhaps it is me who needs her more than she needs me. And here I go and I shouldn’t even allow such a thought into my mind to make my heart bleed. Fact is I love her to pieces and soon we will meet again. Plus I can hopefully face time with her so she doesn’t forget me all together.

Posted in Inspiration, Love, Peace, War

Ukrainian Flower Crown

Shared via Claire Heron @renegade tribune.com

We need peace, not war. We need love, not hate. We need equality, not discrimination. We need understanding, not judgement. We need patience, not frustration. We need a lending hand, not a stab in the back. We need to step up, not ignore, while there is still time. We need humanity…

May peace and beauty triumph 💙🙏🏼

Posted in Awareness, Inspiration, Journey, Love

Re-center in love

Art by Salem Waters

Love is the answer to everything and yet sometimes we forget. The most profound memory I have to love being the answer is when I was in Germany during my ten month stay with Mom. She was very ill and it was the year before her passing. Many hard feelings from her side came to the surface and she was lashing out at me with words that cut like a knife. It was years of suppressed anger concerning a decisions I made that left her feeling as if I didn’t choose her, but rather left her behind. There came a day when I realized that that anger had to be released, it had to be spoken and voiced before peace and forgiveness could take place. But realization was more im hindsight and at the time it was hard to see it for what it was. Some of the things I experienced at that time were beyond hard and hurtful to hear. I even had to walk away from her a few times. Perhaps because I was going through my own motions, and I wasn’t going to let her see how badly she was wounding me. Now I look at it and I wouldn’t hide behind pride or fear or whatever emotion that prevented me to show my feelings ever again. They would be on a platter, open, honestly, raw, in all its vulnerability.

And then something changed. I let her rant and rave. I allowed all the rage to come out and in silence I let her say everything she needed to say without defending myself. Without arguing back at her, telling her about her own faults, I just let it be and rested my case. I was at a point I knew I had said everything I needed to say, nothing would make a difference anymore but only drive the knife deeper. It was time for her to realize this but in her rage she couldn’t and eventually I walked away. Wounded and badly hurt, my heart breaking, in tears. You could have thought that this was the end and we’d never ever speak again. Surely, enough had happened to warrant for it, but that very night I came back and brought her soup. It was my version of love is the answer and everything changed from that moment and her guards dropped.

Love is the answer and yet sometimes we forget in the heat of the moment. Sometimes we are in a battle with ourselves and nobody else is involved. Our reaction could be triggered by an old wound or a situation we still struggle with. We end up lowering our vibrations as we let pain, fear, anger, disappointments, revenge, gossip and greed sneak in. All of these traits we might identify our shadow self with which is often believed to be the dark side of us, the one that reacts so out of character, so out of the way we usually handle ourselves. We have talked many times about the shadow self and I hope we remember that even our shadow self needs love. That love is the answer and that these unfavorable traits were created due to wounds based on the experiences of our life. And it all experiences were within our control, so don’t be so hard on yourself.

Love is the answer and yet sometimes we forget. Practice makes perfect they say and awareness is everything. Imagine what could be if we noticed our slip into lower vibrations. That moment of noticing gives us the opportunity to correct our course and change our habit. Our old ways, our outdated systems. They also say that it takes 30 days to change a habit, to create the new and make it stick. So that very moment of noticing allows us to transform back to compassion, forgiveness, understanding and love which will translate ultimately into peace. Peace of mind, peace and calm within. It might be the most crucial part of our existence, one that could prevent hardships and even chronic illnesses. Could this moment bring the balance we need while we re-center ourselves in love? It doesn’t matter how long it takes or even how often it happens. The only thing that matters is that we notice when it happens, to take the opportunity, to re-center in love, and trust that eventually these moments will become less and less. More and more of our actions will be centered in love, turning into habits, while being less reactive, but nonetheless become more accepting. Being more of a healthy balance and a wonderful gift, one only we can give to ourselves.

Posted in Inspiration, Life, Love

Love, always

Valentine’s Day, holiday and special occasion for lovers and dreaded day by those who are single, isolated and lonely. What can be said about such a day that hasn’t been said a million times!

Love is the answer and has been to many things in my life whether I had a significant other or not. Love does make the world go round, but it’s not confined to the butterflies in your stomach and being in love. Love has the ability to show in all that we do and is recognized worldwide, without a language barrier or words. Love doesn’t require words, but it requires a big heart. A willingness to add something special to every gesture, to every action, to every random act of kindness.

I am reflecting on this special day and I am taking inventory. How do I stack up so far this year? Can I name some random acts of kindness? Where are my shortcomings adding love into every day? As you celebrate this year, hug just a little tighter, kiss just a little longer and appreciate each other if you are lucky enough not to be alone. And if you enjoy your freedom as a single soul and wouldn’t have it any other way, I hope you still make love a part of your daily routine.

Xoxoxo and Happy Valentine’s Day.

Posted in Life, Love, Stigma

Is love ageless?

We know that love is universal, but is love timeless and knows no age? Does it change over the course of our life as we age? Of course it does in some sense but some would of my closest friends and acquaintances would say that love has changed in a negative way as they aged. Their experience is that they feel looked at differently now compared to when they were younger and when opportunities for love were abundant. In their later years, they have felt written off, almost discarded, as if they have nothing to contribute to love anymore. It makes me wonder what kind of stigma love has attached to it. Are there certain expectations of how love should be, how it should feel like and who is capable – based on appearance to deliver such a feeling! It sounds like a pretty said concept if that’s the case.

It is true that we are labeled “done” at a certain age as if we have become damaged goods. I believe the meaning and understanding of love grows with age, especially when we have learned to love unconditionally. Love is much deeper than our visual and physical pleasure. Love is language of the heart and the answer to everything. Gwen Stefani, front woman of No Doubt and further known as the woman that goes against the grain, setting her own milestones, has done it again. She has cemented her legacy more so by looking for love at the age of 50, a age that is considered old, with little left to contribute. Despite common beliefs she did her things and married Blake Shelton. Together they make an unconventional couple of opposites attract, of similar experiences and therefore they have found a happiness together like never before. Could this have happened at a younger age, in their prime, when love was suppose to be at it’s peak? I don’t think so and just like age, in my book love is timeless and knows no number.

Posted in Christmas, Holidays, Love

The candle of love

The forth candle is being lit tonight in our Advent weekly celebration, and it is called the candle of Love. You can revisit all the other candles here. Tonight’s candle takes me on twists and turns as I walk down memory lane and life in general, pondering the meaning of love and how it has affected me.

Love is universal, a language we all speak. Love makes everything better and love conquers all. Love is the answer when we want to shout and love warms our hearts in ways nothing else can. Love has always been a big part of my life, not always present and often lacking in ways I needed it to be. In recent years a new way of love has come my way and I have tried to practice it ever since. What I am talking about is unconditional love and I came face to face with it in the most memorable experience. It’s a very personal story to me, and one of great pain. It’s about a daughter chasing a mothers love for all of her life. It’s a story of love present but expressed through material things. It’s a story of bitterness and regrets. A story of accusations and grudges. A story that has pushed me to the edge and inflicted a pain that manifested for decades. It’s a story of immense sadness, of lost time and moments I didn’t think I could bear. Through it all, not only forgiveness was born but also a love that had to dig deep and in the end become unconditional.

This kind of love is in my life with everything today, even for myself. It’s blame burns brighter than any candle or flame. It’s all in, all forgiving, all understanding, all accepting, all embracing. Even during times of great injustice and hurt inflicted by others. For me love is everything or nothing. Love and your time is one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone. Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, or love without conditions. Wikipedia describes it to be associated with other terms such as true altruism or complete love. This type of love has no bounds and is unchanging. It will always have a special meaning to me and in the end I wouldn’t wish for a different teacher showing me the ways of unconditional love.

Posted in Inspiration, Love, Relationships

The love and heart of a Woman

Love is priceless and even more so if it is unconditional. It is said that the love of a mother resembles such a love, and I believe the love of a woman is pretty special as well. And so is the love of a man and I think there is nothing sexier than a man who displays his heart wherever he is, whether he is in public or not. It can be a perfect stranger and you will feel and see how much he is in love and that he worships his queen. And in return this queen and the love of a woman will take of him for the rest of her life.

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters?

She is not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may be perfect together, but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can.

She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart.

So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze her and don’t expect more than she can give.

Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.

Love with your whole being when you receive love. Because there are no perfect girls, but there will always be a girl who is perfect for you.”

~unknown