Posted in Inspiration, Life, Loss

The lessons of The Valley of loss

Yesterday was the church service for my aunt who recently passed away. It’s hard to believe that I just saw her last Saturday, and although she wasn’t well then, in reality she had been sick and bed ridden for years. Nobody saw that this would be the end. She was suppose to be released from the hospital on Monday, but that day turned out completely different. I even sent a message that day hoping that the transport and everything went well. Tuesday I got a response that she had fallen asleep forever.

Sitting in church and although different, much was so familiar and alike it was with Mom. Here I was again and everything resurfaced. Both, Mom and my aunt were close to the same age, both with the exact same illness. It was almost eerie how similar everything was as the same trauma unfolded itself all over in another person. It was almost as if I was given a change to be here for her while I didn’t make it in time for Mom before she passed. It was as if I was given this scenario, to experience it from that angle and to know that I would have equally felt as helpless being here or not. Perhaps it was to let go of that guilt, of those haunting feelings.

Just a short time ago, I stood here myself, putting Mom to rest. Still affected, being a part of the family, but with a little more distance, I stood at the sidelines while we were singing some of the same songs from Moms service. Everything was so strangely familiar, as I felt every emotion, every moment on a complete new and more intense level. I saw everyone, immediate and extended family sit together afterwards for coffee, talking about everything and anything, almost as if nothing had happened. It was almost as if life immediately resumed and the sadness ended with the church service. Just the immediate family, her husband (my uncle) and her sons still carried a grief about themselves that begged to get this over with and to return to silence in the hope to find some peace and relief. I found it challenging for myself and I was glad that I had opted out of meeting after the funeral. It was obvious how hard it was to just carry on, to be good company, to pick up with the motto “life goes on,” and move forward so quickly. I could see my uncle and cousins in The Valley of loss, pushing grief and pain aside for a better time to deal with, because now, on front of everyone wasn’t the time to do so. They performed and this was something that had to be done, something they had to get through. I didn’t want to do that to myself as I had opted out of the get together afterwards.

The Valley of loss… how often had I been there myself, during times of pain and loss. Walking trough that valley, running from it, afraid of that horrible place of pain. A place that’s dark and gray, a place full of despair where no one can hold your hand and help you trough. This is a place you walk through alone, naked and vulnerable, and only after running from it several times, did I finally find the courage to stay and embrace this place with all it’s pain. I wasn’t hiding any longer, I no longer turned my face not wanting to see, I was no longer afraid and I just faced it without resistance, no longer fighting back, allowing it to break me open, and wide open… it did. Maybe fear and all that was still a part of me, but none of that mattered anymore and there was something that was greater than that fear.

In return it allowed me to feel at an elevated level, to see even more the delicate balance that is life. I saw the value of the “Two wolves”, and understood the meaning that everything positive and negative has a place in our life. That we wouldn’t experience joy if we never experienced sorrow. That we never enjoy the warmth’s of the sun on our face of we hadn’t felt the cold of the darkness. I learned about opposites and that one is not better then the other, that each carries positives, we just need to see. I learned more in-depth about my life’s lessons I thought I had long learned already. I found them integrated at yet another level and with even more powerful meaning. I have no idea if more levels of the same lessons will follow, if I need to experience anew that it is pain that molds us into who we were meant to be, but one thing is for certain. I no longer have to run from The Valley of loss and I have learned to embrace it in all its complexity, heartache and pain. I can’t say that I’d look forward to see it again, but I know I will, eventually and that’s not the point. I know that I can and that I can take away the lessons that devastating landscape has to offer. And with that….yes….life does and will go on.

Posted in Inspiration, Life

The tale of two wolves

You might have heard the tale of the two wolves before and it seems relevant to my “Now.” It is true that we all find ourselves at crossroads from time to time. Where life can no longer continue in the same manner it has, and decisions are waiting to be made. These are life altering paths, and each direction can impact the outcome of our future. It is there where we choose our actions, where we decide on how we react to the things that are happening around us. Will it be positive or negative, will we grow on these crossroads or will we allow them to define us? How much of our power will we give away, perhaps becoming the victim in the end? This is when the tale of two wolves comes in…

One evening an old Cherokee woman told her granddaughter about a struggle that goes on inside of people.

She said, “My dear, there are two wolves that live inside us all. One is selfish and fearful. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, desire, self pity, guilt, resentment, intolerance, lies, false pride, superiority, hatred and ego.

The other is unselfish, compassionate, and without fear. It is peace, joy, faith, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, tolerance, benevolence, patience, empathy, generosity, trust, wisdom, and love.”

Her granddaughter thought about this for a minute and then asked: “Which wolf is stronger?”

“The one you feed the most,” her grandmother replied. But don’t forget to consider that if you only feed the white wolf, you will cause jealousy in the black wolf. He will stalk you and wait until you become weak. In that moment he will jump onto you to claim back the attention that has been missing.

The less attention you give him, the stronger he will be when fighting the white wolf. But if you give him awareness and notice his presence, it will be enough to keep him happy.

A person who can honor the black and the white wolf within, is a person that carries peace within because he or she has everything. A person that is at war with themselves and caught up in the fight of their two wolves, has nothing. Your life is not dependent on which wolf is stronger. Feed the hunger of both your wolves and both will win.

Posted in Inspiration

At the time

Sometimes we need the ones who love us most to remind us where we have come from….not to play mind games or keep us stuck in the past, but to remind us that, at the time we did the best we could with what we had, what we knew, what we believed, and at the time it was perfect.

Posted in Life, Loss


I learned that grief is the longing for love. I learned that grief is the longing for security. I learned that grief is the longing for trust. I learned that grief is the longing for existence.

I learned that grief is the path of love. I learned that grief is the guidance for darkness trough light.

I learned that grief doesn’t leave. We only learn to journey through it and open our hearts to love and joy.

I learned that grief is a book with answers to living our truth and purpose here on earth.

I learned that grief is the map of self awareness and self knowing.

I learned that grief protects us from being seen, heard, felt and loved for who we truly are.

I learned that grief calls on us to heal, awaken and reclaim our feminine wisdom and power in the presence of love, joy, gratitude and compassion here on earth.

I learned that grief reminds us of how we destroy ourselves when we let ourselves be the victim of grief.

Grief has been the journey of reclaiming my truth while honoring and loving myself and others.

Grief is the doorway to the light.

~Sarah Moussa

Art: Sophie Wilkins

Posted in Inspiration, Life

Loss, Gain & Changes

We lose something and we gain something. In one instance life changes and is never the same again. The moments are lost as far as repeating themselves, but live on forever within our hearts. There, lives the love that can’t be shaken, that is eternal and forever.

This trip to Germany has been such a time for me. A time of great loss and feeling lost, but also a time of tremendous personal growth and gaining new insights. Of meeting new people and getting the answers to my own passion and what fuels my life. “What’s next”, no longer seems like a distant question I can’t answer, but is coming clearly into focus, laying it’s answers at my feet, although I don’t have all of them yet. Everything else before was a waiting period, hanging in suspense, being in limbo until time was ready to point the way. I trust it will continue to do so with the rest that is still unsure.

Last night my aunt fell asleep forever and has crossed over to the spirit world. I am grateful I got to visit her several times in the hospital and mend some family scars, Mom and her had in their late years together. I feel the powerlessness of loss all over again and my heart goes out to my immediate family who feels this loss on an even deeper level. Today we lost a family member while another family member is celebrating a birthday. It was similar just a short time ago as Mom passed and another life found its way into this world with the birth of another family member.

I think back to Moms funeral and the condolences I received from people. One phrase stands out that sums it all up and it now, just now that I truly understand the meaning and the depths of it.

“Much strengths to you” wrapped in a hug and wish for dealing with this loss.

May you Rest In Peace. Say hi to Mom, love you both. You’re missed.

Posted in Inspiration, Spirituality

Dragonfly rising

Mom found another way, sending a beautiful message with this dragonfly ornament that magically made it’s way into my life. I believe she wants me to know that it is time, and that never before was there a moment more perfect then this one to go after it and create the life I have always seen for myself.

“I am the dragonfly rising, on the wings of unlocked dreams, on the verge of magical things.”

Posted in Inspiration, Love, Spirituality

A shamans insight

A shaman was asked:

What is poison?

-anything beyond what we need is poison. It can be power, laziness, food, ego, ambition, vanity, fear, anger, or whatever.

What is fear?

-non-acceptance of uncertainty. If we accept uncertainty, it becomes adventure.

What is envy?

-non-acceptance of good in the other. If we accept good, it becomes inspiration.

What is anger?

-non-acceptance of what is beyond our control. If we accept, it becomes tolerance.

What is hate?

-non-acceptance of people as they are. If we accept unconditionally, it becomes love.

Posted in Europe, History


This picture was taken visiting St. Wolfgangs church in Rothenburg o.d.T. It features an underground maze called kasematten with several small spaces, stairways, and tunnels that spread below the church and date back to Middle Age hiding places. Most of the tunnels are narrow with low ceilings and tight openings from one space to another. It is definitely worth a visit and places like these can be found throughout Germany.