The sky is not my limit

You heard the saying “The sky is t he limit” before, but here is new one to ponder, and I like this one equally as much, if not a little more. We are often our own worst critic, getting in the way of ourselves as if we are self sabotaging our gifts and abilities. With that in mind I say…

“The sky is not my limit…I am.”

~T. F. Hodge

Perhaps if we can master our criticism for ourselves, when we give ourselves a break, a second chance, the compassion and patience to learn and make mistakes along this path we call life, maybe it then, just then that our limits will fall away and the sky truly becomes the limit.

The chapters of our life

We all have them, the chapters of our life. You can’t skip any of them, and that’s not how life works. You have to read every line, and meet every character to find the story. You won’t enjoy all of it. Hell, some chapters will make you cry for weeks. You will read things you don’t want to read, and you will have moments when you don’t want the pages to end. But you have to keep going. Our stories keep the world revolving. Don’t forget to live yours, and don’t miss out. Write a good one.

I can see clearly now

While I was in Germany last year we were able to watch some great bobsledding practice runs. Both, the men’s and the women’s team practiced that day, and for us it was a completely unplanned event. We just happened to be in the right place at the right time. I say “just” and yet timing is everything, isn’t it?

There was only a handful of people watching, mostly coaches, sponsors and a few spectators. It was a prime viewing event as we stood right next to the track with the bobsled rushing by us. A truly unique experience. ❤️

Recharging failure

They say that highly sensitive people and empathy needs to recharge daily. If they don’t, they’ll experience anger, sensory overload, physical and emotional burnout and anxiety.

Yesterday was a failed attempt to recharge for me, and the day actually turned out pretty scary and overwhelming. I look back at how lightheartedly it started, how I felt energized, well rested, feisty and ready for the day. But then a few hours later came a message and the reminder of how quickly life can change. In an instant stress took over, replacing my cheerful heart with a heavy one and worries. It just did no matter how hard I tried to hold on to that feeling of bliss.

I ended up spending hours in the hospital, lending support, just being there, perhaps taking the edge off some serious matters, and scary health concerns. Being there because I could be, to share this scary path and to put my time to recharge on the back burner. I had to and this wasn’t about me I don’t experience anger, but there is definitely anxiety that is creeping up inside of me.

Much is left unresolved and hanging in the balance, with even the saying “tomorrow is another day” being uncertain. It definitely will be another day and today I am reminded that not all of us have the privilege to see and enjoy it.

Be good to each other and don’t take your time for granted.

Metanoia

It’s word porn Monday and here is a new one for us.

Metanoia (meh-ya-not-ah) Greek

(n.) the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life; spiritual conversion.

2020, so many of us where ready. Ready to leave 2019 behind and move on to bigger and better years ahead. We all felt different, felt a change, a shift that was happening, although we couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was going on. We waited in anticipation, ready to leave the old behind. With January coming to an end, and New Years resolutions easing off from their initial intensity, who is still feeling Metanoia?

Little healer

Missing my little healer “Bember” from Germany, and hope she is doing ok. She came to visit and spent time with me every day while I was there. Animals are amazing and so intuitive. She helped bridge some of the emptiness after Mom’s death and was always purr-fect company.

Being sensitive

Being sensitive comes with risks, perhaps a broken heart.

Being sensitive takes courage.

Being sensitive is laying your feelings on the line, carrying your heart on your sleeves for all the world to see, and decide how to treat it. It’s something you surrender to because their is little control over the outcome.

Back in the days when outside opinions mattered more, pushing me to conform to expectations and norms, being sensitive scared me. I disliked it and thought of the world perceiving me as weak. Today I would say that it is the opposite, and that it takes a strong heart to take this step.

Today I have long accepted that being sensitive is my strengths. Take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to emphasize and feel, my intuition and creativity, my deep appreciation for the little things, my vivid inner life, the big kid in me, my dreams, awareness of other’s pain, and my passion for it all. Very little would remain, leaving an empty shell, a lifeless self.

I can’t pay such a price.

Remember…you are on track

Some people finish college and start their careers at age 22, only to find themselves unhappy and starting over when they are 35. Others start working a minimum wage job at age 16 and work their way up the company ladder, retiring happily at age 50. Some people get married at age 25 only to divorce at age 27. Others marry when they are 50 and spend 40 years with their soulmate. Some women are ridiculed for becoming teen moms but end up living to meet their great great grandchildren. Other women get pregnant at 40 and are ridiculed for putting their unborn child at risk. There is no “right” way to do life. There are no timelines. You are not late. You are exactly where you should be.

Nothing lasts forever

Yes, I have heard it too. That nothing lasts forever, that everything has it’s time, and that people will come and go in our life. I wish it wasn’t true. I agree that sometimes people outgrow each other, simply by traveling different points in their journey, and it’s really nobody’s fault. It’s nothing personal or that you had a falling out.

I agree that each journey is different, unique, beautiful, painful, and filled with many lessons. And still, I don’t understand the part, why we meet so many wonderful people along the way, only to lose them in the process of it all. How glorious it could be to share some of these experiences, but I do understand that it’s just not possible, and that others on a different path wouldn’t understand, lacking some of the experiences we may already encountered.

I think it’s a process complex and painful, one that comes with a price to pay. It just doesn’t sit well with me, not that I could change a thing, and I don’t know what makes me believe that there is a “forever”, something that should be different. Something that would keep the people that touch our life’s close. Maybe it’s the hopeless romantic in me, a little Rebell attitude that just can’t grasp this concept and tried to defy it each time. Why can’t some things stay? Why do people come and go? Couldn’t there be some that actually stay? Why do friendships and sisterhoods come to an end, where they once so much enriched our life?

I have heard of a wise person saying that people will always come and go through your lifetime. That everything has it’s time. Some people will teach you lessons, some will find you, so you can help them through a rough time, and when that time passes, so does your relationship, and your contact with each other. It reminds me of a never ending tug and pull. Sometimes strong to lend support, other times seeking a shoulder to lean on. And with it, everything passes and is subject to change.

But then there are the few, the rare, the ones that stay with you forever regardless. I guess I always wanted to defy the “nothing lasts forever” theory, but I never quite made it to that point. As memories catch up, today feels heavy at the thought of a forever friendship. And the weird part is that I understand all of it, the reasons that made it impossible, even the reasons that prevented me to fight for it. Not for my behalf but that of another. The confusion of not being able to convey my deep understanding of what was going on, and still I did, but unable to change things. I understood that it was too painful to stay, I understood the feelings involved, and that I couldn’t meet some expectations, and still nothing helps or matters, it’s still hard to move forward. I wish things could be different.

I have to accept that the line where we go separate ways, was reached. That the moment has come where we convince ourselves that we are better off alone, knowing that these feelings will always return soon or later. To suppress them would only be living a lie. I don’t know if I will ever get used to that because those things simply didn’t apply to me. I don’t know if I will ever consciously try to see my life better off. I feel I would lose myself. I believe in challenging the status quo, fighting the things that don’t align with my soul beliefs. I am a dreamer, perhaps too naive, living in a fantasy bubble, with a world that has moved on, leaving me behind with my old concepts. I don’t know. I do know that I feel too strong and too deeply, but I don’t know how to give only a little. It’s all or nothing, and yes it does leave you vulnerable to be hurt and taken advantage off. Not that I feel this was the case. I think it takes courage upholding these kind of values, because disappointments may find you more often then success. Yet I wouldn’t change a thing.

I feel hurt because of a loss in my life, a dear sister and friend, someone that used to enrich my life in so many great ways. Once more I learn that not all losses end in death, and that loss encompasses many different things. I feel pained, and yet I am grateful for the experiences shared together. I look back with a smile on my face at the memory of you, and know that this very moment brings a whole new lesson. A lesson that with every loss, we will have to prove our hearts over and over again. Not to anybody, but to ourselves, choosing to not close it and become bitter, to be willing to take the risk and yet another chance to find “forever” once more. Wishing you all the best in your journey ahead and thank you for everything you brought to my life. I truly do see you and I will miss tremendously. Now go and spread your wings, you are ready, and you have waited long enough. You will be fabulous and you live on within my heart where I will always cheer you on and walk besides you.

All you have to do is believe in yourself.

Namaste 🙏🏻

Bald Eagle spirit sighting

Lake Tahoe is a magical place when it comes to scenery and beauty. Thousands of people travel from all over the world to visit this place I call my backyard every year.

Last Monday I had a Bald Eagle fly over my head, bringing a spirit message and giving me a good look of how majestic these birds truly are. Bald Eagles are linked to my birthday as a spirit animal, and I was gifted a few feathers from this magnificent animal and Mother Nature.

I was amongst a crowd of people as this happened, but only one other person (with me at the time) noticed this awesome event. As I looked around everybody continued what they were doing, having no clue, staring at their phones, in a place like this. Haha, I must be getting old, unable to relate. Perhaps the same experienced from generation to generation.