Yes, I have heard it too. That nothing lasts forever, that everything has it’s time, and that people will come and go in our life. I wish it wasn’t true. I agree that sometimes people outgrow each other, simply by traveling different points in their journey, and it’s really nobody’s fault. It’s nothing personal or that you had a falling out.
I agree that each journey is different, unique, beautiful, painful, and filled with many lessons. And still, I don’t understand the part, why we meet so many wonderful people along the way, only to lose them in the process of it all. How glorious it could be to share some of these experiences, but I do understand that it’s just not possible, and that others on a different path wouldn’t understand, lacking some of the experiences we may already encountered.
I think it’s a process complex and painful, one that comes with a price to pay. It just doesn’t sit well with me, not that I could change a thing, and I don’t know what makes me believe that there is a “forever”, something that should be different. Something that would keep the people that touch our life’s close. Maybe it’s the hopeless romantic in me, a little Rebell attitude that just can’t grasp this concept and tried to defy it each time. Why can’t some things stay? Why do people come and go? Couldn’t there be some that actually stay? Why do friendships and sisterhoods come to an end, where they once so much enriched our life?
I have heard of a wise person saying that people will always come and go through your lifetime. That everything has it’s time. Some people will teach you lessons, some will find you, so you can help them through a rough time, and when that time passes, so does your relationship, and your contact with each other. It reminds me of a never ending tug and pull. Sometimes strong to lend support, other times seeking a shoulder to lean on. And with it, everything passes and is subject to change.
But then there are the few, the rare, the ones that stay with you forever regardless. I guess I always wanted to defy the “nothing lasts forever” theory, but I never quite made it to that point. As memories catch up, today feels heavy at the thought of a forever friendship. And the weird part is that I understand all of it, the reasons that made it impossible, even the reasons that prevented me to fight for it. Not for my behalf but that of another. The confusion of not being able to convey my deep understanding of what was going on, and still I did, but unable to change things. I understood that it was too painful to stay, I understood the feelings involved, and that I couldn’t meet some expectations, and still nothing helps or matters, it’s still hard to move forward. I wish things could be different.
I have to accept that the line where we go separate ways, was reached. That the moment has come where we convince ourselves that we are better off alone, knowing that these feelings will always return soon or later. To suppress them would only be living a lie. I don’t know if I will ever get used to that because those things simply didn’t apply to me. I don’t know if I will ever consciously try to see my life better off. I feel I would lose myself. I believe in challenging the status quo, fighting the things that don’t align with my soul beliefs. I am a dreamer, perhaps too naive, living in a fantasy bubble, with a world that has moved on, leaving me behind with my old concepts. I don’t know. I do know that I feel too strong and too deeply, but I don’t know how to give only a little. It’s all or nothing, and yes it does leave you vulnerable to be hurt and taken advantage off. Not that I feel this was the case. I think it takes courage upholding these kind of values, because disappointments may find you more often then success. Yet I wouldn’t change a thing.
I feel hurt because of a loss in my life, a dear sister and friend, someone that used to enrich my life in so many great ways. Once more I learn that not all losses end in death, and that loss encompasses many different things. I feel pained, and yet I am grateful for the experiences shared together. I look back with a smile on my face at the memory of you, and know that this very moment brings a whole new lesson. A lesson that with every loss, we will have to prove our hearts over and over again. Not to anybody, but to ourselves, choosing to not close it and become bitter, to be willing to take the risk and yet another chance to find “forever” once more. Wishing you all the best in your journey ahead and thank you for everything you brought to my life. I truly do see you and I will miss tremendously. Now go and spread your wings, you are ready, and you have waited long enough. You will be fabulous and you live on within my heart where I will always cheer you on and walk besides you.
All you have to do is believe in yourself.