Happy Birthday sweet Cinnamon

Cinnamon and her first trip to the ocean. I think she loved it, especially napping in the warm sand.

Happy Birthday sweet Cinnamon girl. It’s hard to believe this little rascal is turning two today. Where has the time gone? Please slow down so my time with you won’t go by so fast.

There will be lots of treats today. A new collar to replace the old faded, sun bleached one, a new toy to rip apart and lots and lots of love, kisses and smooches all over. Plus of course a nice hike with tons of playtime. A birthday for the little queen and person she is. She never fails to amaze me. How smart she is, how keen her senses are, how quick she learns and copies us thinking she is just one of us. She has sure brought much happiness and joy into my life and today I celebrate this little girl and thank her for choosing me to be her fur-momma.

My guilty “choices” and conscience

I can’t help but feel that some things fell a little short while I was in Germany. Some of it was my leisure time and my mind keeps wandering back to two special people I had planned to meet during my 2 1/2 month long stay. Sadly that never happened and perhaps deep down I had an inkling this might transpire this way. After all I didn’t come to Germany on a vacation and there was much emotional and physical stuff that needed to be worked through.

Not seeing these two wasn’t a matter of transportation since I was mobile for the most part. So what was it then? I’m going to be very candid with myself because I don’t believe in excuses about being too busy and the likes of it. If something is important, we will make the time and we will always make it happen, regardless. So what am I saying here…am I giving the impression that these people simply weren’t important enough for me??? This statement couldn’t be further from the truth and yet, my time expired and I never got to meet my dear blogger friend Irene and the awesome Streets of Nuremberg photographer/blogger Marcus. It was a few years back that I got to meet Marcus for the first time on a Blogger Meeting and we have been friends ever since. It was during our meeting that Marcus gifted me a beautiful mug with his blog / photography logo on it and I have used it most every day while I was in Germany. I still hold very fond memories of our initial meeting that I will forever hold dear in my heart.

Irene on the other hand, I sadly never had the pleasure of meeting in person. This would have been our first time and up until then, we continuously stayed in contact. We’ve known each other for quite some time now and I feel that we share much common ground. There is an understanding that does not require words. There is a seeing each other for what is true, raw, vulnerable and authentic. Although we have never met, it doesn’t feel like that at all. As a matter of fact, I feel connected to her from a way of the heart-space and she has gone out of her way to support me and help me through the journey that was Germany. I couldn’t have asked more and there truly wasn’t a stone she left unturned to make our meeting possible. Many times we wrote each other, exited about finally meeting, and I am truly sad this never happened. It’s worse than feeling sad…I feel awful, like someone that broke his/her word. That disappointed and gave false hope and information.

I couldn’t have foretold how Germany would transpire and along with challenges such as no running water at the house, getting sick and family obligations, my time was used based on priorities. I believe it’s always priorities in our lives as to why some things happen and others don’t. It is the honest truth no matter how terrible it sounds. Not being the priority sound like someone or something is less important and is therefore put on the back burner. I know that this wasn’t the case for me, but I knew that the little free time that I had needed to go to someone who I felt needed me more at that time. I had to make a choice so I could live with my conscience and I can’t say that I sacrificed my time because being able to be there was important for me too. Still I feel bad of having missed a meeting with these two wonderful people and I can only hope life will present me with another chance.

Silent times

During my stay in Germany I got really really sick. I still believe that I never experienced anything like it before. I had the worst respiratory infection and for about 3 weeks I was in truly poor shape. then, finally I got better but I don’t think I ever fully recovered. Two days before I left Germany I seemed to relapse with what started with a sore throat. I was afraid at that time that I might not pass the mandatory Covid test for the flight to the US, but I did. I left Germany and the soreness would come and go. What did stay absent was my voice and for the first time in my life I had lost my voice.

Talking was strenuous and everything turned somewhat to whisper mode for me which presented plenty of other problems. Even the flight attendants struggled to understand my drink order. Well, it never truly went away and I still struggle three weeks later after my return. Some days are better than others, but it’s truly a pain. Doing some research I suppose it could be normal after a bad respiratory infection and antibiotics might be required to get fully rid of it. There are also other possibilities that I might have injured my vocal chords and I was dealing with acid reflux for a bit.

The reason I haven’t seen a doctor yet is because the better days always bring hope that this might subside by itself. I chalk it up to the RA meds that compromise and suppress my immune system as to why it is taking me so long to get over it. And of course I stay hopeful that there is no permanent damage. I can’t see this as my permanent future, it even if it was, we’d learn to adapt somehow aren’t we!!!

Chapters understood

I knew that my trip to Germany would address many different chapters that I wanted to work on. It took a long time after Mom’s passing to come to the conclusion to sell the house I inherited from her. Going to Germany meant putting this conclusion into action which would turn out to be on a whole different level. Oftentimes the heart doesn’t catch up quite as quickly as the mind does, so even though knowing it was the right thing to do, executing it addressed a more personal, a more sensitive point. I would close the chapter of my family and childhood home. There would be no return after this. There were other personal chapters that needed attention such as finding closure, dealing with the loss of Mom nearly three years later, still, as well as other losses and chapters that needed to be put behind me.

For the most part I would say that I addressed them all, so from a rational, head-space kind of state they have been dealt with and closed. When it comes to the emotional side of it, it’s sometimes hard to put a timeframe on things like this. I knew that I had 2 1/2 months to work on these matters, and I also knew that the heart would have to catch up at some point, even most likely after I left Germany. You can’t put a timeframe on these things and say that by that time all is resolved. Life doesn’t work like that and it is part of the human experience. Again I say, these chapters have been worked, but I’d be lying if I said that the effects of these experiences still don’t linger from time to time. I feel that by no means do they have a hold on me like they once did, but I patiently work through the process of healing the heart-space as well and not just the mental space. What I have learned along the way is immeasurable and it is that very ingredient that is setting me up for success to overcome on all levels. I don’t try to rush it, but instead I trust the process. To be honest, what I am working on now is to dream bigger and adjust to the concept of being deserving and worthy. I know that I am and it’s not a matter of self confidence or the lack thereof. It’s a matter of adjusting to abundance and dropping the concept of hardship and challenging times, not expect to mg them to linger around the corner.

The little Buddha and my outdoor space

As Mom was alive and in the nursing home, I used to read the stories of “The little Buddha” to her. They were short stories of wisdom and life experiences that soon drew us into all three books available at that time. During my recent trip to Germany I learned that two more books under the series were released and I had to have them.

I’ve always related to Buddhism and it not being a religion to out other religions down, but rather a way of life. So I always wanted a little Buddha for myself representing and paying homage to my beliefs and likes. I recently purchased this little guy to do just that and help transform my outdoor space in to a sanctuary of bliss and zen while bringing some personal meaning to it. In front of him is a Abalone shell that I brought from my ocean trip. The rocks lining the tree stump are also from the ocean and represent Hag Stones as well as rocks with white lines called wishing rocks. In the Abalone shell sits a gold colored dragonfly, symbolic to Mom and the one that landed on my hand after her passing. Dragonfly’s are said to help our deceased loved ones on their ascend to heaven. Over his hands holding the prayer beads sits a heart shaped stone, also from the ocean. It is overseeing all and stands for love above all. Love is the answer…always.

Zen things

Zen is a form of Buddhism, describing a peaceful and calm energy. It also speaks to not worrying about the things you cannot change. Zen refers to a 6th century Chinese practice of mediation, insights and discipline. Zen is also our license plate for the Tiny Boho Chateau on wheels that has been home for the past year. It speaks to my journey, to my goals, beliefs and all the recent changes in my life. Day after day I make it a goal to stay in a zen state of mind and just like life would have it, some days come natural and others might be a bit challenging. It’s just the way it is and life happens to us all. All we can control is how we react to those challenges. Here are a few zen things to do to help keep the balance and stay in a calm, relaxed space.

1. Do one thing at a time

2. Do it slowly and deliberately

3. Do it completely

4. Do less

5. Put space between things

6. Develop rituals

7. Designate time for certain things

8. Devote time to sitting

9. Smile and serve others

10. Make cleaning and cooking become meditation

11. Think about what is necessary

12. Live simply

What do you think about this list? Some points might be challenging and may take getting used to, but aren’t all things worthwhile? Maybe you can start by picking one or two, let them become a habit, see how you feel and then layer on. It should be fun…they said 🙂

Wisdom that can change your life

Wisdom…everybody gathers it at some point along their journey. Some might even say something like “I wish I knew that earlier.” Yeah, hindsight is always a whole other chapter and soon or later it visits us all. Here are a few points of wisdom you might find helpful.

1. Words are powerful, use them wisely.

2. People come and go, but the ones stay.

3. You are doing enough even if it doesn’t feel like it.

4. Failure is when you don’t try.

5. Random acts of kindness make everyone feel better.

6. Live for today, not for tomorrow.

7. Never look back, there is nothing there for you.

8. Overthinking kills happiness.

Father’s Day in the US

It’s Father’s Day in the US and much gratitude goes out to all of you hard working, always being there, providing for your family, strong shoulder and rock kind of Dad’s. May you feel loved and appreciated this holiday and always.

Father’s Day was a few weeks already in Germany and I was lucky enough to be there and celebrate the day with my adoptive Dad. Today my thoughts wonder back to him as they do on most every day. Without a doubt do we both miss our outings exploring the town, or just chilling on the couch next to his in home hospital bed to watch a show like Jade Fever, Gold-rush in Alaska or any other kind of documentary series. It didn’t matter what it was but what it came down to was spending time together and today I am grateful that I have realized this during my stay and that I made the time for him to be a priority. How often do we get carried away by life and hindsight bares a hard lesson! I am grateful I did not have to learn such a truth and that I included him into my day whenever I could. I was too young to do this with my biological Dad, but losing him so young in life has taught to be more aware, to love with all my heart while carrying this extraordinary heart on my sleeves, vulnerable for the world to attack. It has taught me to not hold back on the feelings, to live from a heart-space instead of a head-space. To go with my gut and to trust my intuition. And more important to not deny it, but to follow it without questioning the reasons.

Today on Father’s Day, my wish is that you hug your Dad just a little tighter. That you make the time for him to be included in your life, in your day, in this very moment. Today, I hope you are proud to be such an amazing part of his legacy and I hope that you can show him exactly that. May your bond today and always be strong, not taking any moment for granted, never underestimating this moment, realizing that it will never come back. Have a wonderful holiday and thank you to all the Dad’s wherever you are. You are important and loved.

Collecting the pieces

Presents from the Pacific Ocean and my recent trip

Our life consists of pieces we gather throughout our lifetime. Some bigger and some smaller, each one vital, each one equally important. I’ve learned that it is impossible to see the big picture when too many pieces are yet missing. Or perhaps it appears always as the big picture because we simply don’t know how many more pieces there are left to gather. Perhaps sometimes it feels like we have reached that state of total bliss and enlightenment, but to believe such a statement goes against my knowledge that we are lifelong learners, and that there are always new layers, new depths to explore.

As we add pieces to our big picture, for me the and I’m sure it is the same for anyone, is that your picture expands. Your vision gets greater and the turmoil subsides. There is a stillness, an easement that turns into freedom of a different kind. Freedom from ourselves. Freedom from unrealistic expectations. Freedom from the stress that is so often self induced. Freedom from having to measure up. Freedom from the pressure of society, hoping to be liked, to be accepted, to uphold a certain status.

Looking back from my point of view now vs from where I was just three month ago, has definitely broadened my horizon and changed my picture. I’ve returned from Germany a changed person and so much is behind me now. Lessons and experiences I once deemed impossible to conquer. And the same applies here, we are often our biggest enemy, the ones standing in our own way. How can we ever know until we dare to overcome the fear of failure and love ourselves enough to believe that we can do it. Once we can do that, our wings have indeed grown and become unstoppable. And still I would ask you, why are we oftentimes so afraid to collect these pieces that are vital for our growth? I do know the answer for myself and I believe that I have overcome that fear, that I have learned to embrace the pain that is often associated with the big pieces. I would lie to say that I love those pieces, but I don’t resist them anymore and I understand their role and that they are necessary.

Can you accept those pieces for yourself and see them for what they are?

Hydration and electrolytes

I don’t know why staying hydrated remains to be such a struggle for me. I just don’t drink enough throughout the day, no matter how often I remind myself about the importance of it and the benefits. Maybe this homemade electrolyte drink can entice me to do a better job.

Mix coconut water, oranges, lemon, lime, Himalayan sea salt, and honey in the combination of your liking. More or less of your favorites to your hearts content and see what happens.