Posted in Life lessons, My story, Stress

Stress – the ugly side of things

It was only a few days after my little get away escape that stress had me tightly in it’s grip again. There was no concrete plan in place of what was about to happen. No idea of where I would lay my head after ground zero, Cinnamon’s future was in the balance, my body was under physical and emotional stress, packing and powering through each day, preparing for the big community yard sale, house inspections, appraisal, and being good to myself the best I could to make it through yet another day.

It was actually on the second day of my get away that I noticed a fever blister / stress blister announce itself right on my bottom lip. I guess having to wear a mask in public besides the obvious benefits is a good thing, as nobody gets to see it and you won’t have to feel so awkward and ugly. Still I knew better, and besides the discomfort of it, I didn’t really care all that much about it. On the contrary it was a “no surprise” moment and the timing wasn’t blindsiding me, knowing my body often responds to stress this way.

In a random moment I noticed that I haven’t taken care of myself as far as boosting my immunity. No ginger syrup or elderberry dragons blood, not even my vitamins. So perhaps this was my body’s way of reminding me, of getting me back on track, of making sure I still carved time out for myself. What a challenging task these days.

In other news, my body was hanging in there. Barely, with not all days being equal, but I managed, walking on the edge, being dangerously close to disaster. I knew it, but I had to trust, believe, and be hopeful that the physical strain would somehow balance the emotional one without doing too much, or additional damage. I had to believe that most of my pain stems from emotional drama, from ancestral drama, drama bonds, my shadow self and the un-healed inner child. I knew and acknowledged my successes so far. Gave myself credit for how far I had come. I paid homage to the courage it took to face these dark aspects, to the willingness to change, striving for a more authentic self that is in line with my purpose, higher self and new programs developed and adapted by me, vs passed on and inherited from past generations or society. Basically I have myself permission to acknowledge that there are bound to be growing pains, that the process is not easy, that a good amount stress will be induced and accompanied along the way. And I padded my back, motivated myself to keep going, putting in perspective that it is the furthest I have ever been, that there is no turning back and that peace and serenity awaits on the other side of struggle, stress and heartache.

Posted in Inspiration, Life, Wisdom

Sorting our bag

We all have a bag. We all pack differently. No two bags are the same. Some bags bare unimaginable burdens, while others can actually make us break out and become free. Some of us travel light, while some of us secret hoarders never parted with a memory in our life. Some of us find it easy to let go, while others cling to the memory of a time long past. You see, the goal is to one day die with memories instead of dreams. With experiences instead of stuff.

I think we are all called to figure out how to carry our bag to the best of our ability. To lighten it and balance the weight between the things we choose to carry. We are the ones who choose what belongs in it, how to unpack it and how to face the mess and tidy it up if needed. I think part of growing and our life’s journey is learning how to sit on the floor with all of our things and figure out what to take with us, and what to leave behind.

Posted in Inspiration, Spirit animals

The great Owl Spirit

Picture: Google

The great owl spirit came to visit me last night. It was late in the evening and I was getting ready for bed. Brushing my teeth I heard the first faint “whoot-whoot” and I paused, held my breath, and immediately knew what it was. Could it be….

Owl spirit had been on my mind, and just a few days ago I had sent a detailed description, filled with meaning and symbolism to a friend who was visited by two owls. I finished up and headed downstairs, knowing exactly the location of where the sound appeared to come from. After all it wasn’t the first visit and others had come before.

There used to be a time, especially during the first visit, that I was frightened of the so called messenger from the underworld, a spirit animal associated with death to come and pay me a visit. Over the years I have learned that death doesn’t have to mean death in the literal sense. It can be symbolic for when we outgrow and shed old patterns, letting the old die to make room for the new. Kind of like the snake shedding it’s skin leaving behind it’s old weathered self to emerge a sleeker new version. I knew that this was such a time for myself and what I was going through myself. A time that’s been years in the marking. Over the years I also learned to respect this messenger and see it in a new way. To welcome change and the new, to not resist and let it unfold naturally. Basically when it comes to the owl, I have learned that a great honor has been bestowed upon you when one comes to visit you, turning the negative and fear, into a positive and blessing.

Downstairs, I turned on the patio light and walked slowly outside as to not threaten and scare it off. After a few seconds she made herself known with another whoot sound, sitting just a few steps away, high above on a wooden telephone pole. It was magical being surrounded by the starry night sky, mostly in silence, while sharing the energy and space with this magnificent creature. She was communicating with another owl down the road that would answer back every time she called, and I took it all in.

I stayed for awhile just watching and listening until the night chill urges me to go back inside. For a moment I thought that perhaps she would fly away from my moment and the sight would take my breath. I got to see it once, and just the wingspan alone reminded me of what it must have looked like to have smaller dinosaurs flying through the air. It was massive to say the least. But she stayed, unbothered, unthreatened, carrying on her conversation with her friend down the road. I bit my farewell and thanks for the visit and went to bed. Her call carried me to sleep eventually with a smile on my face, feeling grateful to have witnessed this rare visit.

Owl spirit came with a message of what I already know, but took as a confirmation. What I am living each day and where I am headed. Change and transition is on the way and this is merely the beginning.

Posted in Anxiety, Challenges, Courage

Braving the storm

Today was one of those days again. A day to brave the storm and with 5 weeks left until ground zero (when we have to vacate the house), the storm clouds have become much more reasonable. It has been realized that getting ugly and mean about things won’t change a thing, but in fact diminish and take that little shred of hope that is being held on to. Maybe that shred will dissipate in a few weeks when all hope is gone and nothing is left to lose, but I like to stay optimistic and hope we can handle this in a civil manner.

Today Cinnamon came into the equation again and it was stated that if I don’t want to have a part of a future together, then I need to go and leave her behind so he at least has someone. Strange it was exactly what I was considering initially as she came into our lives. I never thought the timing was right but perhaps she would give him purpose. For him to have a reason to go on, something, or someone to be responsible for. Everything panned out exactly as I might have expected so what’s the problem?

I should have known that Cinnamon would bond to me more and that I wouldn’t stand a chance to only love her so much and not get whole heartedly swept up by her. I guess I was willing to take the risk, to allow it to break my heart in order to save his. She is like a child to me, the child I never had and he is asking me to give her up.

I know I will have to go to Germany as soon as I can to handle my affairs there. Taking her along would be stressful for all involved and probably set me back from what I have to accomplish. I know she’d be in good hands with him as he loves her dearly, so why is this so hard? It is true that I will do whatever it takes to provide the best outcome for her, even if it means losing her to him. I also know how much she enjoys her weekly hikes, her adventures and outings with me that he cannot provide for her. It breaks my heart because she deserves it all. I also know that I won’t be able to provide such adventures while I’m in Germany, so either way, she won’t get that time from him, nor will she from me. Today is one of those days and today just knowing that we might have to part in less than 6 weeks is sending the emotions through the roof.

There is a quote by Haruki Murakami that says that once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what the storm is all about and whirl I know that I am not the same anymore, I look to the day the skies are blue and without a storm for awhile. I am tired.

Posted in Health, Inspiration, Mindfulness

Bay leaves

True healthcare reform starts in your kitchen and it’s been a while since I did a health segment on the blog. Those little reminders for me have become more important than ever and here is a simple one anybody can do to reap some quick and powerful benefits.

Burning bay leaves in your home helps relieve anxiety, reduce inflammation, boost the immune system, increase alertness, open respiratory system, and increase mindfulness.


Posted in Inspiration, Journey, Spirit animals

Hello May

It’s that time again and a new month is starting for all of us. For the past three month I have consulted with one of my oracle decks to see which spirit animal is going to step forward and support the energy for the upcoming month. So far it’s been head on for me and it seems like this month is no different.

In February we had the wombat spirit animal telling us to be at home. It provided a deeper look into our outlook and how we see and go through life. That when we feel the freedom to be ourselves, we can begin to feel at home in our life, anywhere in the world, with our family and with our tribe.

In March we had the hummingbird spirit that taught us to be here and now. Here and now we were in the middle of becoming the person we wish to be, with the experiences we wish to have. Hummingbird told us that we no longer need to search and that we already have everything we need, focusing on the flower before us.

April brought us the armadillo spirit and urged us to set healthy boundaries to be in alignment with our intentions and to co-create our life. We were asked to be honest with ourselves non matter how difficult the situation. It reminded us to pay attention to our limits and to say no to what doesn’t feel right.

May brings us the groundhog spirit animal with the message that says it’s time to let go. Endings lead to beginnings and death is a part of life, so groundhog spirit is here to let you know that it is time to accept the natural ending of something that is no longer serving you. We love to hold on to what is familiar, but the new needs space to arrive so growth can accurately. When groundhog spirit appears, it is a sign there is something in your present situation that you need to let go of so that something new can be born, something that will far better serve you now. When the groundhog sees his shadow, he retreats to his den. So you too might yearn for a little more time to say goodbye and transition into the new. However, change is coming and it is good, so let go of your resistance. Spring brings many blessings and what must die will always be reborn in a new form that will be right for you. Life requires change and detachment. Say farewell to whatever once served you, and get ready for something amazing to take its place. Spirit is already sending it your way.

Protection message: Have you been relentless in your efforts to revive something that has past its prime and needs to die away, a situation, a relationship, a belief, or a habit that served you once but no longer fills you with vitality? Perhaps you automatically expect to see the world through a specific lens based on the familiar? Groundhog spirit has appeared to let you know it’s time to accept that the past is the past, so allow yourself to feel the loss and grief if you need to. Any sadness will not last forever or overwhelm you. Knowing spirit is with you and wants you to experience joy and excitement again will help you through this transition from the old to the new. Keep your eyes open, for winter always gives way to spring and endings always give birth the beginnings. For now, let yourself feel your emotions, releasing them to make way for the joy that awaits you. Spring and new growth are on the way, for that it’s spirits promise to you.

Posted in Human spirit, Journey, Shadow Self

Why do Shadow work?

My lil Angel, the “Cinnamon Girl” is standing in for this post about shadow work and finding the light, enjoying both, the light and the shade, depending on time and place.

I’ve talked a lot about shadow work lately and I have done quite a bit of it to be honest. You might wonder what the benefits are from doing this work that so many of us shy away from. Let’s be honest, it’s hard work, perhaps even a bit scary to confront the darkest aspect of ourselves. But what if we could ultimately gain great freedom from it and an overall lightness that makes us feel as if we are finally breathing? Would it be less scary to consider the rewards, would it make it more worthwhile? Perhaps it could allow us to truly breathe for the first time in a long long time. Here is a little more insight about shadow work and what I have come across in my own journey that is often considered a soul loss.

Many cultures throughout the beginning of time, all over the world believe in the idea that you can lose your soul. When you go through extreme trauma, your spirit will leave your body to protect itself – leaving you to run on autopilot and feeling very detached as if lost and without hope. This can also lead to depression, feeling fatigued and easily subdued by the ego.

Soul loss or shadow work is the act of searching for the light in the darkness – making sense of those old wounds, your triggers, behaviors and transforming into a balanced and spiritually evolved being that is able to harness all their inner power. Once you’ve put in the work and this happens, it is then when your soul comes back home.

More reasons to do shadow work

  • Reclaiming the parts of ourselves we’ve denied and ignored for healing.
  • By owning the parts we’ve not proud of and accepting them, we feel more whole.
  • When we are aware of something, it no longer has the same kind of power to control us.
  • Our shadow thoughts lead us to act out unless we consciously choose not to let our ego-mind lead.

I hope this list provides a little more insight and perhaps even motivation to dig into your own shadow work.

Posted in Adventure, Mother nature, My story

Cliff dwelling practice

I finally made it and got away for a few days. It wasn’t as if it was planned, and it just so happened. During the elimination of backyard weeds, it was decided to better remove Cinnamon for a few days to keep her safe. I felt guilty and downright panicky, thinking of the deadline ahead and that I couldn’t really afford to take a break. I still still think I couldn’t, but I ran myself right into the ground. Life and the current situation was taken a toll, rightfully and understandably so. Eventually my body weighed in and like so many times before, it told me differently. It made me aware that on a physical and emotional level, I needed this break perhaps more than I realized. It was downright essential and although I know this, a few shreds of guilt and concerns still remain.

This would be Cinnamon’s second overnight trip and I remember being in a great deal of pain during the first one, which in turn made it tough for me. I was happy that despite of everything, this trip turned out better and it provided that much needed break. Cinnamon had a blast and activities were kept minimal to give myself a chance to heal. Keeping stress and agitations at bay, the pain also minimized and I handled things better than expected. As always the time flew and before I knew it, it was time to return. My heart grew heavier knowing and anticipating what was awaiting me, but that’s for another day, let alone it being my confirmation and validation that the old life was killing me.

In the meantime and to describe the above picture, we went to one of my favorite places. If you’ve seen Iron Man than you know the backdrop and the area called the Alabama Hills. It was cool as always but it getting warm and Cinnamon struggles with the heat. I was on the lookout for a shady spot to give her a break (me too) as I spotted two little caves in the rock formations. The first was too small and onward to the second one which was slightly behind the first, it was. This one was like a little dome tent, enough for a few people, gear and a dog. It was clean and without any creepy crawlers, such as snakes or spiders. It was big enough to sit upright or to lay down and take a nap which we all did. Shielded from the sun and later the wind, this was our view as we watched a storm roll in over the Sierra mountains and Mount Whitney. It was very serene and peaceful, exactly what I needed and I will definitely go and revisited this beautiful cliff dwelling home again and again, over and over. I’m sure others have seen it, but it looked untouched and without disturbance. Always a bonus when restoring nature’s beauty and leaving it exactly how it was meant to be.

Posted in Essential Oils, Inspiration, Peace

It is well with my soul

Times continue to be hectic in my corner of the world and peace is a fleeting feeling right now. I do my best to balance things, but mostly it’s impossible. I can’t listen to my body when it begs me to rest because time is ticking away and I am frankly running out of time and energy, fighting the pain of exhaustion.

I do love essential oils and came across a diffuser blend for a feeling of peace. Let’s give it a try.

2 drops Lavender

2 drops Wild Orange

1 drop Geranium

1 drop Clary Sage

Mix essential oils in diffuser, inhale, relax and feel the peace.

Posted in Inspiration, Planets, Retrograde

Pluto retrograde – Expect magic

Picture: Yahoo

I don’t know about you but with so much planetary activity, energy and super moons and now a Pluto retrograde, I am ready for some support and good energy coming my way. While mercury retrogrades seem to be a little tougher on us, Pluto is here to support us.

April 27th is when the retrograde begins and over the next 5 month, till October 4th deep transformation will occur for your highest good. You will undergo an inner process of intense re-alignment.

Expect significant positive changes in regards to your inner strength, behavior patterns, discernment, perspectives, goals and determination. Within the next 5 months you are likely to attract new miracles into your life. Release limited patterns and pursue your deepest desires, because you have entered a season where your hard work will be highly rewarded. Expect magic.