Posted in Life lessons, Poetry, Quotes

The Guest House

For many years I have struggled with how hard it is to plan for anything. When you have chronic pain, no two days are alike and you never know how your day is going to be until you wake up in the morning. Sometimes you’re blessed and it’s easier to manage, other times it takes a longer start to get going, and yet other times you can’t seem to get going period. Just recently I posted about the Pain body and how it reached havoc in my days for some time now. From there one of my followers shared “The Guest House” from Jalaluddin Rumi with me and it was divine timing as I had never heard it. Thank you John. I related with it so much, and it mirrored my own journey of trying to Embrace the rain as well as the pain. Rumi reminds us to acknowledge whoever shows up in the morning and to be grateful, for everything has meaning and a place. Yep, even when it hurts like hell and when it doesn’t make sense like so often. You may also take comfort in knowing that God’s and the Universe’s soldiers, it’s healers and light workers will always carry heavier burdens. Simply because they can handle them although it doesn’t seem fair. Still someone needs to share the light and bring those messages to others to inspire and help. This is exactly what I’m trying to do today and thank you to John who has shared it with me, I now share The Guest House with you.

The Guest House by Rumi

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of it’s furniture, still treat each guest honorable. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.,

~Rumi

Posted in Energy healing, Healing, Health

Mudrās

Starting the week on the right track, I want to revisit some of my soul searching activities and aha moments of how to improve my health. I was in a world of pain and in search of another invention.

I knew that I had it in me to be on the rebound once more, despite of not drinking enough water, of letting kundalini Yoga fall to the wayside due to space, not practicing Reiki frequently and a non meditation schedule over the past two months. I was convinced that the body is a great healer, very powerful, with the ability to heal itself and ourselves. I still believe that our minds are very potent and that our thoughts impact us, good and bad. Now was the perfect time to prove this theory once more and I needed to get off of these steroids and NSAID’s.

I had long heard about Mudrās. Sometimes a full body pose, sometimes done with hands and fingers. I don’t know why I never learned more about it, but the time had come and these magical poses fell into my lap again as if saying “let’s take another look, this might help you.”

In my research it was confirmed that the body is more powerful than we think. Every inch of our hands have energetic connections with different organs and parts of the body. It is said that when specific hand gestures are maintained, electromagnetic signals are sent to the corresponding body part, which ignites a powerful healing process and various benefits. These hand gestures and poses are known as Mudrās and are worth to be explored. Giving it a try and combining it with Reiki or mediation seems like a perfect combination for me to try. Fingers crossed.

Posted in Celebration, Life, My story

A Birthday – come and gone

Birthday Week has come and gone and overall this year has been a lot kinder to my heart. Somehow I took to heart your good advice and wishes for me to enjoy my special day, knowing that Mom would want me to, while cheering me on from above. There were moments of silence, of remembrance, of reminiscing, of missing her and wishing that I could call and hear her voice one more time. Thank goodness for the other recorded bits on the phone, still a far cry from the real thing. Yet I’m grateful to have those, although I am playing them less and less, not because I’ve forgotten and the need is no longer here, but perhaps until I reach the point where they don’t feel like daggers and inflict pain and self torture. I’m not sure if that day will come when I can listen to them and just smile.

It was a quiet day, peaceful, with many reaching out to wish me a happy birthday. I guess even a few “how old are you, are you single, I’d date you proposals” came through as well. I suppose I should feel flattered about them at my age lol. But instead I felt more surprised how direct and not beating around the bush at all these approaches have become. Just saying…and I suppose it’s the new face of social media. It has become a dating platform.

The day started with a surprise FaceTime call from my cousin in Germany. Despite a fuzzy picture and the connection cutting out, it was wonderful to see each other and to say Hi. Even more special since we were both smiling face to face after her telling me how important it was to her to reach me. It was a priority for her and it made my day. Breakfast waffles with fruit and Greek yogurt followed to start the day. Add a little drive in the country, ending up at a peaceful lake/reservoir, spread out under a large blanket after a short hike with Cinnamon, and the day was perfect. Even the weather Gods meant well and spared me the heat with more comfortable, a few degrees less temperatures. Needless to say it felt good and I enjoyed the little break. Besides a few pesky critters and something always seems to bite me. Blame my rare sweet blood type for it and this is why happens when you are too sweet, ha.

On the horizon was cleverly visible the big large plum of one of the two wildfires near me. So close to me, so far I have been lucky that the fires moved away from me vs towards me. Thank the winds for it and may it stay this way.

Driving over the large Dam wall we spotted that water was being released and it looked so powerful and like something you just don’t see every day. Cinnamon wasn’t tired anyways and up for another short walk, so we strolled down to the base of the wall where I captured this panorama picture. You’d think the walls would break any minute under the pressure of this powerful water release. It made the water look like white foam, shooting way up and down the River. I got pretty close and felt the misting. Had I not had Cinnamon with me, I would have stayed longer, maybe even ventured closer, but I was afraid of her falling in on the slippery rock. Either way this release was kind of symbolic for me, releasing the pressures of the past days, the fear of birthday week, and some other things I’ve been working on. The night concluded with a simple yet very tasty dinner, a bottle of Mike’s hard lemonade and just letting the day come to a peaceful ending. Not too bad at all and I know a foundation was laid to hopefully build on in upcoming years.

Posted in Full Moon, Healing, Manifesting

Full Buck/Stag Moon

The full Buck/Stag moon will appear in the night sky on July 23rd and be visible for three days. It’s been awhile since I wrote about the powerful moon energy and as things settle in for me and this moon is all about healing, I’m of course all over it. We all need healing on some sort of level and mine is multi dimensional. So let’s take a closer look to see what we can expect.

Hindus, Buddhists and Jains call it the Guru Moon because it’s marked as a time to clear off the mind and learn from the Guru or spiritual mentor. It’s a time for individual exploration and connecting deeper with your inner self. It is perfect for reflection and reconnection with our bodies and minds which can help us gain a clear perspective on an important matter.

Those born in late Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn might feel the moon deeper that other zodiac signs. Ahhhh…no wonder, and as a fellow Cancer I suppose this means “count me in.”

The full moon brings the opportunity to spend time outdoors and truly connect with nature in this blissful season. Find somewhere quiet, feel free to go barefoot to ground and connect to the earth.

The full moon is personal to each individual and sometimes it will be there to highlight our wins and manifestations will come to fruition. At other times it is there to shine that spotlight on what needs to be she’s in order to make room for the new. And let’s not forget to utilize this energy to release what no longer serves us.

To reap the fruits of the full moon, you can spend time meditating, journaling, or doing any other form of self care. Personally I hope to add drumming for the first time in months. Happy full moon everyone, let the magic begin.

Posted in Mom, Moments, Spirit animals

A little visitor from heaven

It was Mom’s Birthday just the other day and as mentioned before that special day has changed a lot for me since her passing two years ago. Over the past two years it has turned into a time that brings up memories, but mostly the pain of her not being here anymore. It’s a day when her loss is just a little more apparent, and it cut’s just a little deeper than usually. A day that would cast a lingering cloud over my own birthday just one day after hers, and I found it hard to enjoy my own special day. I think it was in the days ahead that I prepared myself to feel this heartache all over again. I came to expect it, that it would unfold like it had in recent years. But this year was different and I had a little helper to distract me, my Cinnamon Girl. And then an unexpected visitor showed up and Mom came to play with her.

If you don’t know the story, it was only days after Mom passed that a dragonfly landed and sat on my hand in a serene park setting. Already believing in the signs of animal spirits I looked up the meaning and it was said that dragonflies assist our dearly departed on their flight to heaven. I was lost, hurt and sad, feeling the waves of Grief as I was working through my loss. I instantly knew that it was Mom, it was a sign from her to let me know that she was ok and at peace. I will never forget this powerful moment and it has stayed with me as a special occurrence and message from Mom.

We were out on a walk when a dragonfly, beautiful in black and white, a dancer between two worlds, between light and darkness came to visit us. Mom always had a special heart for animals, especially for dogs. Cinnamon was off leash, running through the meadows, head up into the sky, playing and chasing after something I couldn’t make out at first. I was too fixed on watching her enjoying herself, but then I saw it and it was a dragonfly. Again I knew right away that it was Mom and I smiled. She had come for her birthday to send another sign that she was ok. To lift my sorrows and sad feelings, and turn them into a joyful game of chase and dance. It couldn’t have been a better moment and I felt like I had received a great gift. And so did Mom by playing with my Cinnamon Girl. Fly high and happy Birthday Mom. Thank you for stopping by.

Posted in Healing, Health, Homeopathic

Mineral deficiencies

Once again I had reached a point of dissecting all the reasons as to why I was in so much pain. I acknowledged each and every part of it, questioning everything. I did a lot of soul searching and boy did I learn a lot. On an emotional and physical level.

Seeing what’s different, it came to mind that I haven’t taken my vitamins in over a month. Could it be that it played a role in what was going on? Even if a minor one? Was I withholding important fuel and nutrients my body needed, especially now during this most powerful fight of my life. I decided to start my regimen again and I’m curious to see what happens. What could it possibly hurt!!! It’s only one thing that I’m touching on here, at least for the moment until other posts are written, but here are some other things on the radar that I’m watching and hope to implement for further improvement.

Once again I am watching my water intake and as always it needs to be up’ed.

I am drinking more of the tart cherry juice that has helped me with inflammation before. Drinking it regularly is the key here and not just here and there when I remember.

I am drinking green tea mixed with chamomile tea and coffee has taken the backseat to once a week.

Check out this additional list and see if you can spot anything useful for yourself. It includes sure tell signs of mineral deficiencies.

ZINC weak immunity, allergies, thinning hair, acne or rashes, infections, diarrhea

CALCIUM brittle hair, dry skin, high blood pressure, tooth decay, tingling in fingers, chronic itching, lethargy

MAGNESIUM sleeping difficulties, muscle spasm/pain, anxiety/depression, infertility/PMS, headache, fatigue

POTASSIUM abdominal bloating, cramps, heart palpitations, nausea/vomiting, ringing in ears, feeling dizzy, constipation

IODINE low body temperature, weakness/fatigue, swollen/sore tongue, cold hands/feet, pale skin, weak nails

SELENIUM slow metabolism, slow wound healing, memory problems, hair loss/dry hair, infertility, low immune system

Posted in Celebration, Life

Counting my (birthday) blessings

Just a happy little waffle today, sending a smile and a big hug your way.

Actually, I am going to write a bit and dig deep on this special day, my birthday, that might seem ordinary to me, because I know it has a lot of meaning to some people in my life. It’s true and I don’t feel like celebrating much, but I am going to push the lingering cloud to the side and remind myself to be grateful for having reached another year. A privilege denied to many. Today I count my blessings, and there are many. I might wake up or don’t sleep well due to chronic pain, but the main thing is that I get to wake up and see another day. Each day brings a new opportunity to try all over, to get it right, to start anew. Again, not everybody is this lucky.

Today I remind myself that I am much better off than many. That the universe and my guardian angels have always blessed me and that in the end, no matter how hard, things have always work out. Today I give thanks to the ones close to me, the ones that love me, the ones that help me without ever complaining, the ones that share the ups and downs with me and the ones that lend support. And yes, this includes you my dear readers. You know who you are. I love you. 💙

Posted in Celebration, Life, Mom

Birthday Week

Birthday week always leaves me a little uneasy and feeling blue. For many years Mom and I celebrated our Birthdays one day apart, hers on the 19th of July and mine on the 20th. I still hear her telling me that I should have hurried up coming into this world so we could have celebrated on the same day. In many ways it always felt like the same day, one (two) long day (s) rolled into one celebration.

Today it starts and it’s Mom’s birthday. It’s the second year since her passing and birthday week has not been the same since. It brings pains and sorrows, a love unexpressed although I talk to her often and she is aware of what’s in my heart. My own birthday has changed too, and I’m the one still here, the one left behind. A shadow lingers no matter how hard anyone tries to make it special. Sadness creeps up and the memories are still bittersweet. It’s hard to be happy and carefree, hard to enjoy your special day when you are still missing the one that used to be such a big part of that day. Perhaps it will always be this way, until the end of my time now.

I marked the picture above as one of my favorite pictures of Mom (on the left). It was taken in 2018, celebrating her birthday at her favorite medieval castle. She was already in a wheelchair but thanks to family and friends we made it possible to take her out of the nursing home for a special celebration. I wrote about it before but this picture has something else. Something exclusive to me. It was the look on Moms face when I look at this picture. Blame, anger, hard feelings towards me, disbelief, disgust, unworthiness, it all had vanished in that moment and transformed into love, forgiveness and gratefulness. I can see it in her face and it is a picture that speaks a thousand words to me. She never had to tell me and yet I knew how much that day meant to her. And because of it this day will forever be special to me and this picture will always be one of my favorites.

Happy Birthday Mom, I still miss you, my mind still talks to you, my heart still looks for you, but my soul knows that you are at peace and relieved from all pain.

Posted in Journey, Manifesting, Pain

A bad case of the blues

The pain body was reaching havoc last week, leaving me in pretty bad shape. When it happens it’s always on the emotional level as well as the physical one. It’s almost what I would imagine entering a state of depression must feel like. I try to understand the lesson (s) and you’d think that now that I left a toxic life behind, and can pursue my most authentic self, now that I have the freedom to do as I please it would look much different. At least I thought it would…and ahhh…there it is, did I set myself up for failed expectations? Another root evil I won’t get into right now.

In all honesty, I didn’t know what to expect and I tried to go with my own motto of going with the flow, let life develop and unfold as it must, but deep down we always hope for the best and see things through rose colored glasses, don’t we? Sometimes it induces us to hold expectations even if we don’t do it via the direct route. We don’t see things for what they are while we yearn for different and can’t stay where we are. When we feel the need for change and a time of transition. Staying at the same crossroads becomes unbearable and anything has to be better than this, right? It might be so but seldom is it perfect, and seldom do we step into a perfect new situation. New challenges and problems await, even if they are different, they still share the same familiarity, the same foundation. For instance: While we quit one job, thinking the new one will be much better, different issues await, with different people, and new scenarios. What I didn’t expect was all the physical pain that would come my way, although I’ve put my body through hell. I thought it could finally rest, heal and mend, but this hasn’t been the case. Maybe in a physical sense, there is no more heavy lifting and pushing beyond exhaustion, but there is still a lot of emotional baggage, and I’ve always known that it adds and promotes my pain.

A few weeks ago I’ve reached to over the counter pain killers and it was a big step as I don’t like them. “Temporary” was my saving grace and what I wanted to focus on, but they have left me hanging, bringing me little to no relief. Yesterday morning I was at an all time low. It’s territory I know too well, and I wish I was unaware of it, never having encountered it. It frightens the daylight out of me, but on the flip side I know that even that has a part and without it I wouldn’t be who I am. The only question is “is it a good or bad thing?” Some days I don’t know, especially when I feel vulnerable because of the pain body. Some days I see the amazing light that shines within and other days I see a big mess within. It’s the kind of low when you can’t pick yourself up anymore and there seems to be no way out of the slump. A low where you just want the pain to end, any which way, but end. Where your willpower and fighter spirit vanishes before your eyes. Where all your knowledge and even your positivity goes out the door. Where you feel so raw, emotional and vulnerable, and cry in an instance at anything and everything because life doesn’t seem fair. I’m not sure when that happened either and when I became so emotionally vulnerable. Some days I just don’t understand it and the lesson is well hidden. A sign that I am still not ready to move on and that more work is required. That’s how dark life feels during one of these lows.

And then I reached for the “big guys”, steroids, leftovers from a prior awful bad episode with the RA. Meds I had for years, long expired, for one of those rainy days moments when everything else has failed. That moment has arrived and there is no need to savor them any longer, but perhaps not use them all. Will they help being expired for years? Maybe I can trick myself into believing that the horrible side effects have lost their potency while the healing properties are still intact. Am I entering a placebo phase? It got so bad I had to try, and this was to be another “temporary.” I hope to kickstart things so I can function at least. So I can sleep maybe a whole night or even several hours in row. That would be a dream. Where I don’t have to strain trying to dress or comb my hair in agony. Another dream….

I think I’m on the mend emotionally, at least for the moment while I am writing this, and I’m optimistic at this very minute. I know it can change quickly and there is more work to be done before I can convince myself that this is a true statement. For the moment I take it and enjoy that I can grab a little glimmer of light while staying in the darkness a little longer. Hello darkness my old friend, we are definitely not strangers, you and I. The darkness and pain are some of our greatest teachers and I am so willing to do the work. But does it really have to hurt sooo badly?

I ‘m an awful mess, physically and emotionally. I have become somewhat of a hermit, withdrawn, lonely, missing some special people in my life and yet wanting to be alone. Is this the point I am turning into my mother? I have felt so raw and emotional that naturally it comes to mind that something must be wrong with me. I’ve even read up about depression as it surely feels like it on some days. It could also be an issue with my thyroid which I actually believe is the culprit and which mimics depression symptoms along other problems like being unable to lose weight. But hey I did lose ten more pounds over the last month and was happy to see the results.

Like I said more work is needed and transformational work is hard work, no doubt. No wonder so many shy away from it, it would definitely be a lot easier to give up and yet something tells me that I have to continue on this journey and see it through. That there is no other way and that I have come too far to throw in the towel. So onward I go, sometimes walking, skipping, happy and eager, and sometimes crawling on all fours or limping, but I am moving and any progress is progress…so mote it be…

Posted in Animals, Health, Holistic Healing

Eye health for dogs

This weeks health segment goes out to our four legged family members and the focus is on eye health.

I’ve noticed a few things with Cinnamon this week that make me wonder if she is struggling with poor eye sight. First it was a stick in the water that I threw. It was seemingly right next to her and still she had a hard time making it out. Sure it could have been the glare on the water from the sun. 🤔Then a miscalculated jump and run in with a kitchen cabinet that left a big scrape with lost fur on the right side of her face. She does get a bit rambunctious. 🤔 Next, another failed attempt jumping on the couch, missing it and falling off backwards. A play with her toy that I kicked around the floor and which at times she couldn’t make out where it landed. Sure it’s brown like the floor and blends in, but 🤔…how many excuses can I make for her while not following a hunch or satisfying that gut feeling.

A vet appointment is scheduled for the 6th of August and it’s the earliest I could get. Crazy, but it’s important to me that she treated by the same amazing man that already cared for my prior two dogs Sparky and Nikki. In the meantime we are doing our own thing and here are a few tips. Tonight Cinnamon received half of a sweet potato mixed in with her normal food and luckily she loved it. Here is a list of foods and things that can promote good eye health in dogs. Even if everything checks out just fine and fur-momma is just over worried about her baby, these are still good things to incorporate into her diet.

Blueberries

Broccoli

Carrots

Cold water fish

Eggs

Garlic

Kale

Pumpkin

Sweet Potato

Tomatoes

Moisture (dog I drops) if you live in a hot, dry and dusty climate which I think is key for us here

Zinc

Taurine

Omega 3 fatty acids

Carotenoids

Bilberry

Eyebright