Posted in Inspiration

Life provides

There is a saying amongst thru hikers that the trail provides. That no matter what is needed, the trail will find a way to supply you at your time of need. It’s the simple things, the subtle gifts that might come in the form of a cave to provide shelter to keep you dry and out of the rain. Maybe you find a left behind, no longer needed pair of sneakers at a hut, and you have been in dire straits with your duct taped shoes to make it to the next town. What are chances that they happen to be your exact size? It’s actually a true story and it has happened to my friend Kyle, an avid thru hiker and author of two of my favorite books. Please click onto the link to his blog to follow his adventures hiking the Appalachian trail and the PCT. He and his girlfriend Jessica will go for their triple crown later this year by hiking the CDT. Hopefully Katana, a feisty Shiba Inu will be able to complete the challenge and earn her triple crown as well.

The recent events with Mom have left me seriously pondering many things lately. I’m coming to terms with feelings that have haunted me for decades and perhaps have contributed to the RA. I don’t doubt that stress plays a huge part in all of it. All the seriousness of the current moments and a talk with my girlfriend Angie, have helped me zero in and really contemplate the future. I know what needs to be done, but I can’t see a good outcome right now if Mom is not willing to change her ways. I am an adult and I’m no longer that ten year old child that doesn’t know anything. Just like Mom has been independent for the past 40 some years, so have I for the past 30 some years. It’s going to take a shared commitment and effort if things are to work out with me going there, otherwise it will not work. I believe that we all have to find our own way in life and that nobody is responsible for the life of someone else or their decisions. Mom seems to believe that it is my duty and responsibility to give up my life to come home and care for her. If I do, it will be because I want to help and not because it is my turn now, and my obligation to care for her since she cared for me as a child. I’m not sure for how long I can if there is no regard for my own sanity or life from her. There is lots to be considered for both of us and although we never know what life holds for us, it does remain a huge step for me. There is still another post that requires follow up to recent events and a talk Angie (my girlfriend) recently had with Mom. It truly put the future in perspective, as well as her way of thinking.

So what does the trail and Mom have in common you might think! Just like the trail providing, i think life provides as well if we are willing to see the signs. I call those moment synchronicities and they are the unexpected moments and what you might see as coincidences. It could be a quote you needed to see that hits the nail on the head during a particular moment. It might be a friend contacting you out of the blue. It could be anything. Yesterday I had one of those moments, a synchronicity, something I needed to see. I opened Pinterest and I’m a picture, visual hound. No wonder I love books with all kinds of pictures in it and so Pinterest and collecting pieces visually stunning to me is a no brainer. Since I love quotes, the content of what’s visible to me is often geared towards my interests. Front and center was a little quote / article written by Sophia Loren. As a child in Germany, I used to watch movies with Mom, starring Sophia Loren. Was it a coincidence to find this pin right now, or was it divine intervention?

Here is what Sophia Loren had to say and it truly put in perspective the “Now” by taking a deep breath

When I hit enough confidence, the stage was gone. When I was sure of losing, I won. When I needed people the most, they left me. When I learned to dry my tears, I found a shoulder to cry on. When I mastered the skill of hating, someone started loving me from the core of their heart. And while waiting for light for hours when I fell asleep the sun came out…that’s LIFE! No matter what you plan, you never know what life has planned for you. Success introduces you the the world, but failure introduces the world to you. Always be happy! Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, relax sweetheart; it’s just a bend, not the end….

Sometimes it’s not easy to be and see the light within the darkness, but is there truly any other way? It’s just a bend and never the end. Xoxo 🦋❤️

Advertisements
Posted in Hiking, Photography

Crocker Point

This picture was taken in beautiful Yosemite National Park and will always hold a special meaning to me. It was a hike I will never forget and it took a push in getting to this high country spot, but by god, look at that view.

To the right is Bridalveil Falls and to the left, giant El Capitan with it’s sheer rock face. Yosemite is a magical place but can get crowded, especially during the summer months. Higher elevations of the kind of which you can’t drive up to, may offer more solitude compared to the bustling valley floor. But either way and no matter when you go, Yosemite is a must. Yosemite is a visit filled with beauty and wilderness that will stay with you forever and steal a piece of your heart.

Posted in Art, Photography

One step at a time

Just the other day I came across one of my older pictures. Believing that nothing happens by accident and that the people in our life’s are there for a reason, I viewed the timing as a reminder for my current circumstances. Every journey starts with one step at a a time, and perhaps it was what I needed to hear.

This picture was taken at Lake Tahoe in close proximity to one of the nude beaches. We hiked a trail close by as a hiker came around the bend with nothing more but sandals, a baseball hat and a pack back. Well, hello there, I don’t think that I even managed to say hello hahaha. I was totally unprepared and our meeting came unexpected and surprising. But I surely got my composure back in time to shoot him in the back with this picture. Hahaha.

The actual pictures are two frames merged together with added bubbles. One picture of the nude hiker and another rotated picture of a piece of wood reflecting in the water. It formed some sort of arch and I placed the hiker in a bubble as if walking the earth. A personal quote completed the look and memorized this experience for all times.

Posted in Inspiration, Self help

Connected by faith

I wrote this post the other day, before the news about Mom arrived and changed everything. I can no longer say that things in my own corner don’t matter, it would be a lie and news of that sort always impacts my life. I wouldn’t care otherwise. I rescheduled, and kept pushing this post for a later day, but it seemed untimely for what was going on in my own world. It’s hard to feel one thing and write or convey another. My posts are always written from the heart, but more important they are relevant to what is going on in my life when it comes to my journey. Ultimately, I’ve decided to still post this prior written post because life is not all about me. Life goes on and doesn’t wait for anyone, it doesn’t care about timing. Ready or not, we fight our battles in different corners of the world and I still feel your struggles. I hope this post can bring some inspiration and hope your way. To be a ray of light in the darkness, for you, as well as for me. I think it’s funny that I have always been good at giving advice to others, but I often can’t do the same for myself. I know what needs to be done and can trust my intuition, carrying it through is another thing. With that said, I join you in taking a dose of my own medicine, and hope that it fuels our day with motivation and inspiration. Xoxo 💙🦋

Thoughts from the other day,

I’ve been sitting here for quite some time tonight, wanting to get a message out to you and feeling kind of lost with where to start. I still sense your struggle and your hardship, while my mind drifts back to you. I sense a change in my intuitional abilities and they seem to have strengthened. I can hear the silent cries and the pleads for help, although they mostly go unspoken. More than ever do I feel the urge to reach out and be what I can during those times of darkness. I’m reminded of the power of one and the ability we each have to make a difference. A movement starts with one person and tonight I join you in the unity of strength in numbers.

It doesn’t matter what I want to write about and nothing quite fits the bill. Personal subjects would feel irrelevant and unrelated at this point, almost cold and uncaring. Those subjects can wait and don’t matter right now, what’s more important is that this time is about you. Right now my topics are replaced by thoughts of what encouragement I can sent your way and how I can help you the most. If you have followed me for some time, then you know that I’m a quote fanatic. I have found hope and wisdom in their truths and tonight I picked a few for you. I hope you can find that same strengths and something to relate to the same way as I did. May they comfort your fears and give you inspiration. Allow them to shed light and reassure you that you are not alone. And may you be reminded that you are cared for and loved. Here are a few that have spoken to me in the past and maybe they can reach you in a time of need. Light and love as always. 💙🦋

“It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it”

“Someone out there needs you to keep living”

“Beneath every strong independent woman lies a broken girl who had to learn to get back up and to never depend on anyone”

“Only you decide what breaks you”

“You are where you need to be. Just breathe” OM

“The power is in you. The answer is in you. And you are the answer to all your searches: You are the goal. You are the answer. It’s never outside” ~Eckhart Tolle.

Posted in Inspiration

Awesome Blogger Award

I couldn’t help but reblog Darren’s response to the awesomene Blogger Award. I cherish his answers and the chance he has given us to get to know him a little more, but his kind words and beautiful comments in regards to me have moved me to tears and immense gratefulness. He has even gone so far as to move his post up for me because he felt that I needed to hear what he had written. Darren knows that the last couple of days have been tough for me, with the news about my Mom, which makes me struggle from time to time. To have someone take notice of that and put their own troubles aside to help another is no small feat and it takes a special person. Darren is such a person, changing his prior planned agenda for his award post, simply because he thought that it could brighten my day.
His words are treasures, and they do arrive in a time when I myself feel vulnerable and needed a random act of kindness. I could never put into words the appreciation and love this made me feel and I’m forever thankful.
I’m reblogging Darren’s post because he has touched my heart and because people like him a rare and one of a kind. He has a heart of gold and I feel more people have to discover the beauty of his blog and all the kindness he brings to the WordPress community.
So please stop by and say hello if you haven’t already and meet one of the most kind human beings I have ever met. Much love to you my friend and thank you for doing this for me. It has made my day and you always make a difference. Hugs 💙<<<<<<
;

The Arty Plantsman

img_0323

The beautiful Rhapsody Boheme has nominated me for this award. I am very moved by this as I am really fond of her, so this award means a lot to me as did the lovely things she said about me in the nomination. She has her battles, not least with chronic illness. Despite these battles she has a glowing, loving and positive outlook and has the kind of freedom of spirit and inner beauty that I am in awe of. She is a very talented artist, writer and photographer too. And, of course, custodian of Luna, the worlds feistiest Guinea Pig. Thank you beautiful friend for nominating me, you enrich my life.

Rules For This Award:

  • Thank the person who nominated you.
  • Include the reason behind the award.
  • Tag it under #awesomebloggeraward in the Reader.
  • Answer the questions your nominator gave you.
  • Nominate at least 5 awesome bloggers.
  • Give your…

View original post 713 more words

Posted in Humor

All eyes 👀 on me

After the last few tough days, I think a little humor might be in order. I’m either delirious and tired, posting what I’m about to, or…well I don’t know what else. Clueless maybe. This might not be my typical post, not saying I can’t be funny and have funny posts, I just might actually post these hilarious nuggets and easily amused pieces all too seldom. Change must come in the near future and I think Luna will just might be a part of that.

Ok tonight’s funny came from going through pictures for a post. I didn’t find the pictures, but I felt watched. Am I delirious, or do you see it? Stop and stare….

Posted in Family, My story

Uneasiness

It took awhile to fall asleep last night. I spent the day doing pretty much what I wanted. I hardly did any chores and spent a lot of time writing, commenting and following up on your blogs. It was nice to catch up and you know that my schedule at work has limited the time for such in recent weeks. There was plenty I could have been doing, but I gave myself the gift of time. I called a friend to chat and even took a little time to work on a new puzzle. I used to love doing puzzles as a child and I remember spending hours with my Dad, looking for hard to find pieces and seeing our work come together in a beautiful mountain scene. My Mom still has one so said puzzle hanging on the wall, mounted on plywood and the memories flood in every time I see it. I know that it is the memories and the feel that I’m holding on to, it’s the reason as to why I picked up a puzzle the other day. I wanted to feel the peace within and do something good for myself. I feed that muse quite often these days and believe it has helped me with the fight against the RA and keeping it at bay for right now. I think balance is the key and plays a huge part.

It was a peaceful day yesterday and it feels as if my time off has reached new levels. I admit that I have always enjoyed my days off, who doesn’t, but now they feel like gold to me, something so precious, with it being my biggest treasure. Those days are the means to focus on what truly matters, what is good for my soul and not what I have to do. Last night in bed, the uneasiness crept in and although I laid still, I could feel and hear the inner workings of restlessness within my body. It feels as if my heart is in a vice and anxiety is coming through the door to pay another unwanted visit. I never feel it any time else, only when my free time is coming to an end. When the daily rut of a ruthless retail life is starting over and I know that “I have to” until my next day off.

I woke up gasping for air again as if I had a bad dream. If I did, I don’t remember but it was momentarily and I felt pretty good. I work the late shift today and tomorrow, with tomorrow being inventory, so I was happy to wake up early to have time to write. I know the time to read and write will be cut short again while working and it’s a constant battle. My friend yesterday thought I write a lot while we talked on the phone. There are only so many hours in the day and it’s hard at times to cram everything in, especially if you work full time, but I do believe you will always find a way to do what you love if you make it a priority and if it means something to you. Everything else would on,y be an excuse.

But back to my topic and almost four weeks later after Mom’s admittance into the hospital, the bad news finally came. I checked the message after making coffee and the good mood immediately fled my body. What remained was another mixed bag of varied emotions that left me wondering what in the world it is that I could help with. I’ve been quiet about Mom and seldom even inquired about her with my cousin. Maybe it was due to fear, not being ready to face the music, amidst the preparations for more bad news. I knew it would come, it always does and it’s just a matter of time. Soon or later the shadows would resurface and the little bought freedom and time of relatively no worries, knowing she was in good hands and taken care off would end. I believe it’s another reason for the uneasiness that comes up within, knowing that Mom is reaching the end of her life. I recently wrote about intuition, being an empath and being able to pick up on the energies of others. I struggle with Mom’s and she is usually surrounded by a thick shroud that doesn’t allow me to pick up any vibes. Maybe I felt her last night and her armor is weakening.

Mom has been laying in bed for four week’s and with the help of a catheter even bathroom trips have been eliminated. She looks good and is doing great thanks to food specifically for her to meet her diabetic needs. Thanks to a lot of fluids, she has blossomed, and I was told that it’s visually noticeable that the care she has been given is doing wonders for her. And here comes the problem. She hasn’t walked for four weeks and while she looks great, she is weak and needs to relearn and regain her strengths. How can someone not grasp that? She is worse than the most unreasonable child and you would think it is basic common sense to know that she needs to rehabilitate. She lost her big toe, should go for two weeks of rehabilitation to help her get mobilized again and she refuses, thinking that she doesn’t need it. WTH #&@5#/#/((#*-)’@$@&#=#*#(=-*

She is the most stubborn person I have ever known and this is where my frustration comes in, where I feel helpless. This is where I get angry that she is putting me into a situation of feeling helpless. It would be one thing if she said that she needs help and is willing to accept such, including listening to what others, especially me have to say. I get it that it is her life but she is no longer capable to take care of herself and while I would always respect her wishes, refusing help because of stubbornness is not something I can tolerate. It’s another thing to be stubborn and let everybody else watch the demise with their hands tied, unable to make a difference. That is what gets my blood boiling and I know it doesn’t matter if I’m here or there, I AM the LAST person she listens to. What impact would I have? Yet I know the right thing to do is to be there and this morning is spent with looking for airfares while trying to figure everything else out about how life here would continue without me. It’s not exactly that I can tell my responsibilities that I’m going to take a holiday and to come back later. I know it’s just the frustration talking right now and I need to breath. I had four weeks to prepare for this moment and thinking and hoping anything else positive could have happened during that time frame was nothing more than ignorant bliss. I need to breathe…I already know what needs to be done. I always knew, I just need to stop resisting and realize that not all tales have a fairytale endings. I still believe in mine and it’s not that I’m giving up on it. I know I have to cross through the storm before I can reach my rainbow. The longer wait, the longer it will take to get there and you already know my feelings on time. I better get to it and my conscience will not rest otherwise.

Posted in Hiking, Travel

Ascending Wizard Island

This was the view climbing Wizard Island at Crater Lake, Oregon. The trail was short but steep in spots and I will never forgot this beautiful place. Oregon holds a special place in my heart and from Crater Lake to Mount Shasta and Portland, Oregon has impacted my life during times of personal growth and enlightenment. There is a feel, the comfort of peace and a overall well being when I visit Oregon, that I have seldom felt somewhere else. I didn’t know what it was at first, but I have since figured the secret of this magical place as it pulls me back over and over again.

I’m sorry for the cliffhanger (yet again), but stayed tuned as this deserves a post in its own. 💙🦋