2020 The year of ascension and spiritual growth

I recently came across this amazing post from conscious reminder. It was the synchronicities that resonated strongly with me. So much was in line with what I mentioned earlier this year, although my hunches were on a personal level, pertaining only to me.

I had a feeling that 2019 was going to be a year of transition. A year that would pave the future for 2020. I felt it strongly for no particular reason, and I still do. I guess you could call it a gut feeling, intuition that this would become my reality.

I also think many of you are preparing and going through a year of change and transition. A year figuring out what truly fuels you, a year of finding purpose and staying true to yourself, your higher self without bringing forth all of the sacrifices of an empty life. Surely you have asked yourself if this is it, is this all there is to life, and surely you have found yourself unfulfilled, tired and exhausted chasing something you can’t quite put your finger on. But you know it’s out there as you chase it relentlessly, trying over and over to reach what you can’t explain. You know it’s real because you feel it so strongly, but you can’t put your finger on it, and not everybody will understand. How could they, you don’t even understand yourself. In the end you are mostly alone to figure it out. “Are you going crazy”, are you the only one feeling this? Let me tell you that you are not, and that you are perfectly fine. You are hearing the call and it is your time for ascension. This is your year of preparation, the year that will pave your future for a better life. The sky is the limit of where it will take you. Take a look and see.

“Believe that things can go right for a change. The whole universe has been waiting for you to just believe in yourself.

2020 Will Be A Year Of Ascension & Spiritual Growth, And 2019 Is Paving The Way

Call of the Crow

A giant crow has shown up in life, sitting on the power lines outside my window. This has repeated for a few days now, with it just sitting there, silent, just starring over into my direction.

It didn’t strike me as usual business for a crow to just hang out, and the repeat visits are coming across as signs that there is a message to be delivered. Maybe the message is long overdue and was already in the works as I painted the above crow into one of my paintings (partly picture above) for no apparent reason at that time. All of a sudden the painting stood out in a way as if reinforcing me to listen. It was yesterday that I finally heard the call when I came across a crow tarot deck, and separate guidebook that sparked my interest. Three times now, the crow made an unusual appearance and I’m finally ready to hear the message.

Crow wisdom:

You’re on the verge of manifesting something you’ve been working toward for a while. Be very watchful over the next couple of days for any clear omens or signs that will guide you and teach you. Expect a big change very soon. You’ve noticed something that’s out of balance or an injustice that hasn’t been addressed, and it’s important to speak up about it. You’re about to get a glimpse into some future event that affects you directly.

I think it is time…

Uprooted

No caption needed and it’s only the beginning.

There is nothing wrong with showing your roots, or returning back to your roots. I’ve learned that there is no reason not to stay grounded and still shake things up a bit and dare to live.

There has been a lot of grounding over the last two days, and it feels like it’s been an eternity since this has happened. It was so needed and so appreciated. Thank you.

Lovey Dovey

A couple of mourning doves have entrusted their nest against the patio wall, in an empty little planter. I’ve noticed it last week as I kept seeing a shadow flying towards the house. After a little inspection I found the small nest in the planter, and soon after a dove was sitting in it. What I had seen were the shadows created during nest construction. At first I was worried as my resident squirrel, named “Silverback for his mostly gray back” comes by regularly and feeds only a few feet from the nest. So far, so good and both don’t seem to mind each other all that much.

Last Monday I had to go on the patio for a moment and as careful as I was, the dove flew off. I’ve been out several times since and the dove has trusted me enough to stay in her nest now. I took a quick peek at the nest during the first time out, and saw one small egg in the middle of it. I realized that Dovey was planning to birth her offsprings in the very nest she had built. “What an honor” I thought, glad that I wasn’t considered to be a threat and that Dovey (What I call her) was building in such close proximity to me. By Wednesday I noticed a second egg, which are now the twins (Lolek & Bolek), ha, I’m losing my mind.

Since then, I watch her every day, say good morning and goodnight, and did a fair amount of research. I learned that mourning doves mate for life and have one partner. Both built the nest in joined forces and are lousy builders. True it looks a bit like a hot mess but no doubt is it obvious that love went into building it. Every once in awhile one brings an additional little twig for added comfort and it’s so cute. Both take turns sitting on the nest for a incubation time which will take about two weeks, so around next Monday I should have baby chicks. They lay one to two eggs, and if two eggs are present, one will hatch a day earlier, which explains why not both were laid at the same time. Once hatched the parents leave the nest, leaving the chicks to themselves. I hope they can stay warm on their own with this El Niño weather we are having. Parents will return for 11-12 days to feed the chicks from a milk like fluid that builds in their throat. If the chicks haven’t left the nest by then, trying to fly, the parents simply don’t come around anymore, forcing the chicks to make an attempt when they get hungry enough, and this is exactly where my horror begins.

The nest is several feet off the ground which is good since I have a stray cat stalking the yard and my squirrel. I’ve been chasing it off, scaring it half to death in the hopes it won’t come around no more. I even use my slingshot (yep I got one) to shoot rocks against the metal shed, which believe me the sound of it just about scares the pants off of you.

But now I wonder, and I’m afraid a chick might fall out off the nest and I don’t want to find a dead one on the ground. I am so sensitive seeing dead animals and I feel their loss to the core. It’s quite a tall order to take your first flight attempt while being several feet off the ground. I imagine it to be like running off a cliff not knowing how this will end up or work. But if I put the nest on the ground, I think it makes them even more vulnerable. It says that of course the first two weeks they are the most vulnerable and need bushes to hide in. With that I am afraid if I move the nest to a bush the parents may not find it or abandon it all together thinking a predator has messed with it. Can you see my dilemma? I want to provide the best possible chances for the chicks to survive.

If you have any input, please let me know what you think I should do.

Dove spirit animal message:

Express your love to as many people as possible in words and in deeds, even in small yet significant ways. The soul of someone who has recently passed is making a smooth, peaceful and joyous transition. This is a powerful time of prophecy and clear vision, and now more than ever you’re able to glimpse the future. You’re experiencing a spiritual renewal that’s the result of a period of intense self examination and challenges. This is a good time to stay at home and enjoy your domestic side. It’s important to nurture yourself with loving care.

Ruled by pain

As predicted from my soul sister through an earlier Ogham reading, the pain eased up by the end of April – early May. Never completely pain free and despite of it, it was like receiving precious little gifts each day, being able to function just a little better. Being able to do things I couldn’t before, when it comes to house chores, and all the struggles trying to manage even the smallest of things on a day to day basis.

It’s quite amazing what a high it can be, how it fuels your willpower, how motivated and hopeful you become. You can’t help but to believe that the worst is behind you, that things are finally looking up and that your time has come to reap the rewards of all your suffering. After all, you’ve barely managed to keep hope alive and stay positive, but did somehow because it is engrained in your DNA, it’s who you are. Nothing can go wrong now, you have risen once more. Nothing can touch you as you remember the motivations behind the fight as to why you always believe in the positive, and see the glass half full. Why you always believe in the silver lining and the lessons that come with every life experience. Life is good isn’t it? You got this and you can manage this now.

But boy, when that pain comes back around, which most likely will if you are dealing with a chronic illness, although you hoped it to be gone forever, it is simply crippling and debilitating. It’s hard to remember the positives as fear and worry creeps in as faithful companions to the misery you are experiencing. Why did it come back? You’ve believed with all your heart that you have found a way, may it be through exercise, diet, positive mind frame, manifesting your realities, or whatever else it might be. It’s hard to remember the little successes and that in spite of the reoccurring pain, you have made tremendous strides. Pain has a way of wiping it all out, only making the current count. When the pain and those moments find their way back to you, leaving behind all the good, replaced by mostly darkness, vulnerability and fear. It has happened a few times since my overall getting better and finding my way back to a hopefully perfect recovery. It is important to recognize that those are the times and tests of the scariest of all moments, when we are challenged to find something to hold on to and to remember that “This too shall pass.” Even if it lasts for more than just moments and you find yourself fighting for a few days. Believe that it can dissipate and vanish as fast as it appeared, and hold on.

Stay strong out there and know that you are not alone. Your brothers and sisters are fighting alongside with you, allowing you to lean on their shoulders when you need a moment to rest. As always, the pain cycle will ease up again, letting you fly high above the clouds again, feeling proud that you managed to get up once more.

In light and love ❤️

Windows to the soul

You have heard the saying that the eyes are the windows to our soul. Looking into someone’s eyes, we can instantly tell what state their soul is in. If they feel sad or are happy. If they are mischievous or perhaps even lying. You might recall the feelings you’ve had looking into someone’s eyes for a prolonged time. Maybe your heart filled with love or pride, maybe you were trying to read those very messages that surface from our soul and are displayed in our gaze. Whatever feelings you may have experienced, I bet to say that they have always been profound, and hold a certain level of importance to you.

There is an ancient practice known as eye gazing, whereby two participants stare into each other’s eyes for an extended period of time. When eye contact between two people is initiated and maintained, an invisible energetic circuit is established and it is known to induce euphoria, visions, past life experiences, and even remote viewing. From here it is possible to reach a higher state of consciousness.

The saying “eyes are the windows to the soul” has much more meaning than we may realize.

Lessons…

The last year has been an immense growth spurt for me. There are so many things that happened and I know I am not the same person anymore. In a way I am glad that I am not, and it hasn’t always been pretty going through the process.

So far there has been growth on a personal matter, trying to pinpoint what really is of value, but also finding the courage to act upon it and chase that dream. There has been growth on an emotional level, and I like to think that this warrior has become stronger than ever. There were so many times having to get up over and over. There has been mental growth with goals achieved once never believed to be possible, and it feels pretty darn good, but there are also scars that remain, and sometimes we can’t help but to wish that a few things could be different. Once arrived, the next challenge lies in accepting those things as they are, while finding peace in the outcome.

They say that the same things repeat until we have learned our lesson. One such lesson was that sometimes we outgrow the people we were once close to us, as they outgrow us. Our paths simply take us into different directions and we find ourselves with little in common at the end. It was hard to realize that you can’t chase people and force them to be in your life. To expect them to see eye to eye with you, stopping their own world, while taking their focus off of their own path which commands and deserves their full attention. In actuality there is nothing bad about it, just realization that we are all in different journeys. I have learned that sometimes you just have to except things the way they are, and it has nothing to do with you or that you don’t care. Chances are they are fighting their own battles, having to find their own path while being unable to accept your help in the process.

They also say that your vibe attracts your tribe and I believe that the right people will always be attracted to your tribe. Like people will like you, and it is in their company that you will be allowed to be yourself. There is no need to pretend, wanting to top the stories to attract attention. No need to compete to be heard, and you will realize that we all have something important to say. The only thing required is the ability and the willingness to listen.

Opportunities to talk and listen should be shared equally. It is only then, when your intentions are questioned, when you have to explain yourself and justify yourself against your accusers, that you will re-evaluate your paths, to walk away from a toxic environment and just let things be.

Are you paying attention?

(Windy day in the Sierra, equals holding on to hat and wild hair day. ❤️)

“I understand now that I’m not a mess but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. I explain that now, when someone asks me why I cry so often, I say, “For the same reason I laugh so often – because I’m paying attention.”

~Glennon Doyle Melton

How about you? Are you paying attention or are you too busy? Take the time, you owe it to yourself. What truly matters is how you see yourself, because after all it is you who has to live with yourself.

The little things…

Picture of my first handmade smudge fan. Made of wood and feathers found while hiking, and a few purchased pieces such as the wood beads and a few smaller feathers.

Gabrielle Roth poses a statement that in many shamanic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions.

When did you stop dancing?

When did you stop singing?

When did you stop being enchanted by stories?

When did you find comfort in the sweet territory of silence?

Four simple but very powerful questions that take little effort but pack a big punch. I believe that the lessons of the past year have brought me much closer to these questions and to understanding their meaning on a whole different level. Did you know that all the little things can end up being all the big things in our life’s? It was this morning, waking up with a smile, well rested, that my thoughts shifted to this and has inspired this post.

I was never an early riser, and a study that having to get up before 8 AM is equivalent to torture, holds true with me. There are plenty of times when I get up before 8, but when I do it is naturally now and not because of the sound of an alarm clock. Just the thought of the alarm going off any minute or that it is set, causes sleep interruption and anxiety for me. I like to wake up naturally. I know, I did get spoiled not having to work, but more and more I realize how important and necessary this time truly was and still is for me.

I always had a special relationship with my bed, haha. You know the one that feels perfect, to be wrapped in comfort, feeling cozy, when the temperature is just right. When you experienced a good night of rest, and wake up with a smile, ready to take on the world. To snuggle up in soft plush sheets in the winter that keep you warm and comfortable, or when you feel the cooling cotton sheets during the summer on your skin to keep it light and airy. You get it, you have been there and I’m not the only one.

Well for awhile I lost that feeling, especially while I was in Germany and the RA and stress crippled my body. I couldn’t sleep on my side anymore or my stomach and for a non back sleeper it’s not an easy thing to get comfortable or even fall asleep on your back. I remember night after night, waking at every little movement when I tried to turn around and the pain reminded me that it was not possible. I felt so exhausted and tired, and after awhile I’m sure I felt disheartened and lost my joy about the little things. Things like waking up rested to face the day. It may seem little and something insignificant that we often take for granted, but for me it became a very big deal and something I missed. This lasted for several months, with me remembering how wonderful it used to be, and how much things had changed. How much I wished to sleep and entire night without having to get up just to move a little, bit because I had to use the bathroom, but to move my joints. The relationship with my bed had dissolved and what used to be a place of comfort and bliss had now turned into a place of discomfort and horror. I was afraid of the nights and I couldn’t wait for dawn so I could get up and escape this place of pain.

Looking back, I know I was simply too tired to dance, to sing, to be enchanted, or to take comfort in silence. It is amazing how quickly we can lose this, often to no fault of our own. I thought it was my new reality as it lasted for months, but it also taught me to never give up hope, to keep believing and to keep working on your reality. It doesn’t have to be permanent or stay forever, and it will be much easier if you can carry hope within your heart.

Things have changed got me since those grueling times, and today I can once again enjoy the comfort of my beloved bed. Things are not perfect yet, but they are very close to it for me, remembering back to what was. I think I love it even more these days, and sometimes I turn in way early in the evening just to marvel in the feeling that I had lost in an instance once before. It was because of these questions posed from Gabrielle Roth that I paused myself, and those basic things that I’m sure many of us take for granted. I could share a few more lessons like these, things the RA has taught me, things we expect of ourselves every day and don’t think twice about. Today I would tell you to be gentle with yourself and to be thankful and grateful for these things.

My hope in sharing this is to make you pause just like I did and to take a moment. What are you taking for granted and what are the little things in your life you’d miss if they were gone today? How would it make you feel? Perhaps bringing attention to those things will help you dance and sing, will help you celebrate them and see them with renewed joy. Perhaps they place enchanted stories within your heart to share with loved ones, or they allow you to marvel in silence, to be still and listen to your heart while keeping depression and discontentment as far away as possible from you.

Carpe Diem 💙🦋

The Choice was mine to make

The choice is always ours and this time I really stayed true to myself. The path’s past has been anything but easy, and I have yet to find out where the road is taking me, but I’m going for it. I won’t lie and there have been times I said “enough already, I need a break”, but I also have to let you know that it is truly a “no pain, no gain” kind of game. The most meaningful times have been those of adversity, when the most valuable lessons are learned. I don’t have any hard feelings for the past, it made me who I am today and I turned out ok.

I am excited for what lies ahead, about the things I know, and the mysteries, the unknown that is yet weaving it’s way into my journey. I am embracing that the magic lies in the things we don’t always know, and I am learning a few new principles along the way. One of them is not to worry and to believe that the universe has a plan. Kind of scary, right, surrendering all control and going with the flow. You be amazed how liberating and freeing it can be. Luckily I can explore such options, and I’m grateful that I can dream big, that I can pursue the possibilities that I breathe already. That I am able to chase what I am passionate about, and dare to be uniquely me. The choice was mine to make and it didn’t come free or without a fight. It was hard and challenging, cruel and trying, lonely, painful and beautiful at the same time, but it was worth it, and in the end I’ll do it all over again. The trick is to see the lessons and have a willingness to grow as a person. With those weapons by your side, bitterness and defeat will never have a chance, but the chances are great that you will grow into exactly the person you already respect in your mind. You may even be proud of your “Now” without focusing about how great life will be, when….It already is, learn to count your blessings…the choice is yours.

A poem by Michelle Schaper that resonated with me. This one is for all of you searching. May it encourage your choice and may you find the strengths in your heart to fight your battles. Remember, you are beautiful and if I can do it, you certainly can do it. Dig deep and find the courage to answer your call. Remember you are loved.

I just wanted life to give me love and I was prepared to wait, but I had to learn to fight through life to get to love, so fighting became my fate.

I fought for what I believe in, and battled with my own mind. Destiny has made a warrior out of me and many more my kind.

So now that I’ve learned to fall in love with life, I rarely go to war, but I often visit graveyards in my heart of all the girls I’ve been before.