Posted in Inspiration, Life

An honest look back

As the hours are ticking away, I am taking an honest look at 2020, the year many can’t wait to put behind themselves in the hope for a new beginning, and a better year to come along.

Today on this last day of the year I notice an exhaustion, mentally and physically that has settled into my body. I am tired and perhaps it should stay as simple as that. Nothing more and nothing less, and still I want to recall the challenges and lessons of 2020, as well as the successes to justify that there is something more and an actual reason as to why I am feeling tired, even downright depressed at times. So let’s begin.

2020 brought with itself a huge focus on the health front for me. More than ever I was determined of feeling better, which meant living with less chronic disease pain. I was tired of feeling sick and tired, to hurt and have a lousy quality of life. I didn’t want to go on like that. I was going to be more than just a statistic. I was going to change my stars, get stronger and healthier.

I did a lot of energy self healing and Reiki for myself and others. It was a huge part of maintaining a healthier balance. It was a stepping stone that fueled my passion for more.

I started juicing and up’ed my vegetable and fruit intake while cutting back on carbs. I lost 20lbs so far which in prior attempts had always seemed impossible. Now, my body was craving the shakes, literally thanking me with a better and more consistent performance. It was like a sweet partnership, taking care of each other.

I up’ed my step goal per day and with increased health and mobility became more active.

Physically, I pushed myself to strenuous hikes that I had put off for years and years. Mainly because there was no way of achieving them before. Was it a piece of cake now? No, and you wouldn’t believe how many times I was near quitting, but I pushed through, I did it and I made it, resulting in sweet victory and new sights. Man oh man is Mother Nature and our planet beautiful. Physically I have achieved more then I have in younger years, and believe me it is a great feeling while aging and naturally declining.

2020 has also been a year of spiritual growth and maturity. A year of coming into my own, reevaluating and recognizing what is truly important, making peace with the past, going more with the flow and simply surrendering without interference to what is. It was a year of shedding old programming and systems that were never mine to begin with. I realized that there isn’t always an answer to the events in our lives, and that we can live an easier one loosening the reigns of control a little. 2020 taught many lessons under the umbrella of worries and fear, especially on the financial front. Trying to figure “it”, that daunting “it” that is so encompassing out, so the future can unfold as it is meant to be. While it is work in progress, I do my best to trust and believe in the process, no matter how scary it gets, and despite who understands and who doesn’t. This also applies to some of the following paragraph’s.

After all I haven’t worked, earning an income in nearly 3 years, and I pride myself that I, myself has made it, never dependent on anyone. Mom would be proud of that, having raised me to always fend for myself, being responsible and hard working all of my life. I have not missed any financial obligation or had to rely on someone else.

The jobless adventure started leaving for Germany for 10 months in 2018 to care for Mom, and again in 2019 for another 3 months. The last 3 years have been filled with fighting stress, illness and bodily debilitation. Luckily with money saved to fall back onto, but also on a frugal budget with no room for luxuries or just going on a shopping spree, I gave my body the precious gift of healing while acknowledging it’s every whim. Yeah I do miss the splurges, but I tell myself that it is the price for my current lifestyle and that that new wardrobe will be a reward once I lose the additional pounds I still want to lose. So it’s not all that bad.

2020 was a year of still heavily mourning the loss of Mom who passed the end of 2019. More losses followed in 2020, with more family loss and once who were close friends and soul connections I thought would last a lifetime.

Hey, I did finally opened that Etsy shop and did a lot of creative stuff. I even made some sales and learned a lot on the homeopathic front which further was a building block in my journey. This was a welcome diversion to bury my thoughts and emotions into a more positive aspect.

2020 claimed my long locks and I cut my hair much shorter. I miss my hair at times but not the work and care that was associated with it. I stopped coloring it, accepting the becoming of a grey fox and a healthier approach, lol, and for the most part I am ok with it. Maybe 2021 will be a year to reinvent myself once more. Whatever direction that might take, and I know there will be a few.

2020 has been a year of downsizing material bliss/burdens. I donated bag after bag and the load is getting lighter as I situate myself for a “less is more” future.

2020 brought my Cinnamon girl, unplanned and unexpected, with not the best timing, but also such a big blessing. As if she came into my life to personally help me through some tough times. I think I know who sent her and why she is here. Although she is part of the reason I am tired lol. She needs playtime and exercise, walks and care that take time away from everything I need to do, but it keeps me active which is a good thing too. I’ve had her 2 months now and we have been battling allergies, worms and still balding spots on her coat as she is adjusting from a feral fur child to a pampered life.

Today I could have used a break although I love our time dearly, and my bones were hurting during our walk. Perhaps it is the weather changing and the snow that fell overnight. Overall it reminds me that I am doing much better with the barometer drops. While there is some pain and pressure at times, I didn’t experience the many occasions I could barely walk, like I have in the past.

I do love that I can always somehow focus on the silver lining, always seeing the good within the challenges, always looking for the lesson and always being grateful for what is, for I have experienced far worse far too many times before.

2020 brought many new WordPress followers and we have crossed the 3000 mark. I have met so many wonderful, like minded and unique souls on here and each one of you is brightening my life on a daily basis. Thank you and bless you kindly, for reading, commenting and simply being you even when I am absent at times and don’t get to you right away. 🙏🏼

2020 has left me pondering about the future, my future and where I see myself in the coming years. Torn between two countries, a house inherited in Germany, and prior upholding the dreams and wishes of loved ones, putting my own last, I think I finally know where I belong and where I will live and pursue my own dreams.

2020 was a year of personal challenges and immense struggles on the Homefront, as a married person on paper, a roommate, often just being tolerated while still living under the same roof. Not all of it has been bad but the majority has been from knowing each other for 26 years. 15 bad ones to be exact. It’s something I haven’t brought to the blog and it’s usually something I don’t talk about. It’s complex and seldom does anyone understands. Not even myself at times, but like with everything there are reasons and I am tired there too, tired of fighting to be understood. Yes it even has cost me a lifelong friendship. I will most likely write and talk more about it in the future as life can’t go on the way it has. How quickly will it all change…I have no answer as everything is unfolding, but I feel the change, the end and I will need to vent from time to time. It is costing me my sanity and health at the moment as everything has escalated beyond tolerable and respectful measures. There is nothing left and I have reached the point where I need to save myself.

I recognize the reasons as to why I feel mentally and physically exhausted. Just like the land lies dormant during the winter, nurturing itself in stillness, awaiting new life in spring, I too have to turn inward and tend to myself. I need to utilize this time of dormancy with self care so new life can blossom when springtime arrives. I am standing at the crossroads of change and the edge of forever. A new book is opening tomorrow, 365 blank pages with a new year and I hope to make more happy entries vs. the sad and bad ones. It will get ugly before it gets better but that’s my story and my warrior path for now.

Posted in Inspiration, Travel, words


It’s time for a new word and I am changing new word Monday to new word week. I made the decision based on rescheduling this segment a few times over the past weeks due to holidays and other events. I still like to continue this series, but from now on it will post during the week, on no set day. The only segment that will remain in a set schedule are Sunday’s Reiki healings at 7 PM PST to allow you time to tune in.

Today’s word reminds me of one of my passions.

Hodophile (n) one who loves to travel.

I am definitely a Hodophile and exploring new places brings out my inner child. The voice changes, there are gleeful sounds emerging from a place deep within, which remembers wonder and joy. It’s an exciting time for me, a time of gratefulness simply being allowed to experience that particular moment. It wakes my sense of exploration and adventure and it has given me wings in the past to master a few challenging hikes. It’s like the adrenaline carries me, utilizing strengths reserves I didn’t know I had. Nothing is like seeing an amazing place for the first time, especially through the eyes of wonder.

Posted in Inspiration, Life, Moon

Full Moon in Cancer

As Santa returns to the North Pole, the year 2020 is coming to an end with the last full moon of the year. It’s the full moon in cancer, my own astrology sign, and I can’t help but take the message of this full moon personal as if it was written for me. It’s a great message to end the year, and fact is that we all are in need of a great message to welcome 2021 restored, with open arms, and a glimmer of hope and a twinkle in our eyes.

According this last full moon is bringing spectacular blessings and soul renewals. The full moon in cancer will create the most magnificent energy for freeing yourself from the past. What an amazing way to close the year and tie up loose ends. The moon cycle marks the birth of your new life and the manifestation of new dreams. Your spirit will be renewed, your divine connection enhanced. Life comes full circle!

Get excited my friends, the universe is smiling upon each and every one of us and this is what we’ve been waiting for.

Posted in Inspiration, Life, Perspective

If we only remembered

Life in the moment is often unexpected and takes us off guard. It’s not always easy to remember and apply the wisdom we have learned as we tug along each day. I’m not always that quick witted to recognize what’s going on, and sometimes I just can’t help it, even if I do remember my own advice. Sometimes we get stuck, and situations and even people get the better of us, leaving us behind wishing we could relive that moment. In hindsight we often come to the conclusion that we would handle things differently the next time. The fact remains that life is not perfect, and neither are we. We will not always have the perfect response. We will make mistakes or come up short. If we are lucky we get to try again, another time, down the road. Perhaps sometimes it helps to check our perspective and way of thinking. And perhaps other times we just need to give ourselves a little slack. I guess I am saying that there is always more to it then the most obvious. Life is complex and so are things. Seldom can we come up with a one fits all solution, but understanding the inner workings, the complexity of it all, and being just a tad kinder to ourselves might come to the rescue.

Maybe this can help…

Anything that annoys you is teaching you patience. Anyone who abandons you is teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet. Anything that angers you is teaching you forgiveness and compassion. Anything that has power over you is teaching you how to take your power back. Anything you hate is teaching you unconditional love. Anything you fear is teaching you courage to overcome your fear. Anything you can’t control is teaching you how to let go.

Posted in Energy healing, Healing, Reiki

This weeks Reiki healing

Dearest readers and friends. With a heavy heart I have decided to postpone and skip this weeks reiki healing to be selfish and tend to my own healing. I feel it is necessary and needed given recent events and I hope you can understand. I came to the conclusion being unsure if I could focus or concentrate, and it is my wish and goal that your healings remain of the highest quality and effectiveness. I don’t want to take the risk of my own energy not being where it needs to be. So please bare with me this week. Thank you so much.

We will resume again next week, Sunday at the regular time of 7 PM PST. Thank you for all your thoughts, comments and care in regards to recent posts. You are amazing. 🙏🏼💙

Posted in Animals, Christmas, Holidays

Cinnamon’s 1st Christmas

I hope everyone had a quiet and peaceful little Christmas and your hearts are full of warmth’s and joy. It’s been mostly quiet for us and to be honest Christmas came fast and went fast. I almost feel run over by it and the pre holiday spirit fell short due to recent events. How does one celebrate during those times of sadness? It’s difficult.

It was hard to focus on the magic of Christmas, but we did, and are continuing to incorporate a little Christmas spirit wherever we can. A few special people have reached out and sent us Christmas cards which we loved and we hope that ours found their way to those special destinations as well.

Special gifts found their way to us and left me emotional and overwhelmed by goodness. I know it’s because I’ve been around so many challenges lately and it’s crazy how your heart prepares itself for struggles in order to protect itself. You don’t even realize it, but it’s some sort of automatic defense mechanism. And then something sweet happens, a thoughtful gift, a kind word, a compliment, a card or email, and it takes you off guard because it’s not that you’ve forgotten how special it feels, but because there has been so little light and special moments like these in your life lately. Maybe you have exhausted your own reserves, giving too much and not receiving what you need. Maybe life has beaten you down, maybe people have treated you poorly, made you feel insignificant and ugly. It could be a lot of different things.

  • Here is a little picture of cuteness from Cinnamon’s first Christmas, while waiting for Santa. She heard that he was the guy to make it happen and that he could bring lots of treats and toys, and he did not disappoint. The end result was a belly full of special goodies and a dinner of kibbles mainly left untouched. Surprise there and who would eat bologna when there is filet mignon, although her dry food is no bologna to say the least and it’s expensive, nutritious and the best. There is always breakfast I suppose.
  • We made Glühwein for the first time ever, and it was really delicious. I drank a half cup and felt like I needed to lay down lol. Either it was really potent or I am getting more and more a lightweight, tipsy at the smell of alcohol. Where have my German roots vanished to? Today more pooch cookies are on the menu and we will spend some more time in the kitchen most likely lighting some candles and listening to Zucchero while filling the air with delightful smells. It snowed overnight and the sun is out right now. It looks peaceful and clean. We watched a holiday movie and may watch another with a quarter cup of Glühwein to be safe, and maybe we even manage a little creative time and some crafts later. Probably should do that before the Glühwein.

    Further we watched an online Christmas sermon from my church in Germany. It was held from the apprentice lady who did Mom’s funeral in 2018. It her first and she did an amazing job. Of course this brought back more memories, but overall I was glad and needed to watch her Christmas message.

    Last night I drew a Oracle card from a new animal spirit deck I got for Christmas and made my connection with the deck. I shuffled the cards, excited to see what message they had for me and what it was that I most needed to know right now. What came up was self care on various levels with the “Snake spirit – Time to heal.” Spot on I say.

    Posted in Christmas, Family, Holidays

    Christmas Day 2020

  • It’s the most wonderful season of the year and Christmas Day has arrived. My wish for you is that a little magic and wonder has found it’s way to your heart in whatever shape and form.
  • If everything is going according to plan, I hope for a few video chats with my family in Germany during the holidays. The holidays are much different this year and the streets in Rothenburg Germany, (picture from last year) and it’s lavish Christmas village and markets, have turned into ghost towns. The streets are deserted and hauntingly empty is the word from my uncle’s side of the family. Something I don’t think anyone has experienced before since this town is usually bustling with tourism and travel from around the globe. Now, hardly a soul stirs and dares, with lockdowns in effect, and safety cautions at the highest priority. This is one time I can wholeheartedly say “hail to technology.” Plans are underway to have multiple households join in on the call. I hope all I have to do is merely accept the chat as I have never Skyped or FaceTimed with more than one person. I’m showing my age here and my fingers are crossed lol.
  • There is a 40% chance of a white Christmas this year. I know that I will miss family and loved ones and most likely the holiday blues will find me at some point. I am planning distraction and a little holiday spirit for myself as I reread the first paragraph of this post, holding the same wish for my heart as well.

    Here is a list of holiday cheer for myself.

    • I will wear a festive, red and white candy cane striped wool hat, with a long tail and a green pompon at the end that has a little jingle
    • My hair will be soft and wavy
    • Red lips and a little glitter is a must on the holidays
    • I am looking to wear something red
    • I will make homemade pooch cookies for cinnamon
    • I will also attempt for the first time ever to make homemade Glühwein (a mulled wine from Germany)
    • Sipping on my hot mulled wine after taking my little girl (Cinnamon) out for a stroll, I think we’ll settle in with a Christmas movie

    May your Christmas and holiday season be merry and bright. And may you be blessed beyond means and measure. Wishing you much health and joy, now and always.

    Posted in Christmas, Holidays, Kindness

    The Christmas towel

    It’s Christmas Eve and more than ever we need to believe in the magic of this season. This year it is a season that has been stripped of festivities and gatherings to spread warmth’s and joy. Where there are usually bustling Christmas markets, family gatherings and a time that is spent together, we are facing loneliness and isolation. More than ever we need to believe in the magic of life and the world itself, no matter how difficult it might get.

    I remember back to a holiday when a neighbor gifted me a Christmas towel. It came attached with a poem called “The Christmas towel.” Something so simply, yet so profound and meaningful. In all honesty, I don’t think I ever truly captured it’s meaning and value until recently. All of a sudden it strikes a different chord and stirs something that sinks deeply within the heart to be cherished and held onto for all eternity.

    Years later, I hope to pick a beautiful towel, perhaps the next time while shopping, wrap it up beautifully and write the poem on festive paper. Years later I feel the need to pay it forward to someone in the hopes of spreading a little Christmas spirit. Have you heard of the poem and this tradition before? If you have I’d love to hear your experiences with it, and if not…well I’d like to hear your thoughts anyways. Here is the poem.

    The Christmas towel

    At first glance, it is easy to look at a towel as a most ordinary object. Have you ever stopped to think that for thousands of years, the towel has been used for many wonderful purposes? For example, the mother who wipes the tears of a child, the physician who binds the wounds of a patient, or the woman in her home wiping her hands as she moves from task to task.

    Perhaps the most significant use of the towel happened nearly two thousand years ago when our Savior, only hours before He hung on the cross, took an ordinary towel in His loving hands and dried the feet of His disciples. This simple, loving act personifies the selflessness and loving service we seek to give during our lives. It illustrates that an ordinary thing like a towel, in the right hands, and with a giving heart, can lighten another’s load. As with every action performed by the Savior on this earth, His act of service reminds us that simple day to day kindnesses are the Savior’s way to bless and comfort.

    This towel is given with love and with the hope you will do works of goodness with it as the Savior did so many years ago. May the absorbing spirit of the season blot out our problems, soak up our sorrows, wipe away difficulties, and may your Christmas be shining and bright!

    Posted in Death, Family, Life

    Ascending towards the heavens

    Picture taken from yahoo

    2020 is coming to an end, and what a sad end it is. My aunt passed this morning, exactly two weeks after her husband passed. Both cases Covid 19 related and it’s truly hard to grasp. It feels like an awful nightmare you are hoping to wake up from, but no matter how many times you try, the outcome always remains same with a harsh and awful reality. Just like that, both gone in a matter of two weeks, a family wiped out.

    My cousin, there youngest son who is my age has also tested positive for Covid and I can’t even begin to imagine what must go through his mind. The grief about losing both parents and being sick himself with a vicious disease that claimed the life of his beloved parents. Things change and you truly come to value life and how precious it is when a crisis such as this knocks on your own door. I personally have reason now to despise and hate this vicious killer.

    My heart is truly heavy and aches for the families, all of us left behind trying to come to terms with all the loses encountered over the past two years. Even the non physical ones and countless hours are spent reminiscing and connecting in spirit. Some things are just beyond heartbreaking and don’t get easier in time. As another angel is ascending towards heaven today we cling to memories and beliefs in an effort to comfort our own aching heart.

    Yes my aunt and uncle are reunited in heaven once more, and yes Dad got another one of his sisters to keep him company in heaven. May they all Rest In Peace as we miss them dearly.

    Posted in Candle, Inspiration, Meditation

    A form of meditation

    Picture taken from google

    It’s is said that staring at a candle flame is one method people use for meditation. It is to instill mindfulness, while reducing stress levels and increase the ability to focus. Some even believe that staring at a candles flame helps to keep fatal disease at bay.

    I have always been intrigued by the flicker of the flame and it does instill a stillness and calm. Whether by the shine of a candle-flame, or sitting around a campfire, there is something captivating in watching the flame (s) flicker and dance.

    In Germany the pre Christmas season is called Adventszeit. Four weeks out from Christmas, on each Sunday we light candles. One candle for the first week, two for the second week, three for the third week and finally four candles just before Christmas, signaling that Christmas is here. I am not sure how my love for the flame developed, but one day I dream to have a wood burning stove with a little class window or a fireplace again so I can watch and enjoy the coziness of dancing flames on a cold winters night.

    Gazing at a flame for extended periods of time stimulates the thrift eye. This was known in ancient India and was said that the pineal gland feeds on light. This is one of the reasons why we are mesmerized when staring at fire. Over time, this can increase intuition, alertness, psychic abilities, creativity and improve sleep.

    Ah yes, it all makes sense.