Birthday countdown Day 3 – Allowing the feelings

It’s getting closer and the countdown to my birthday is getting shorter. I dedicated the preceding week to pampering myself and to fill it with things to keep my spirits high. With so much going on lately and so many break throughs, new found motivations, and successes, my spirit should be soaring you would think, but it doesn’t. There is one huge hurdle still needing to be conquered and I knew this week would be tough for various reasons. For one in the sense that Mom’s birthday is one day before mine and she would have turned 82 this year. How does one keep their spirit high when there is still a loss, still grief, still coming to terms with that empty hole that will never be filled again?

To some degree I have to smile, because I recognize my old faithful attempts, looking for an intervention in times like these. When I look for something to keep me out of the depths of despair and sadness. This happens on a subconscious level and just like that, birthday week was created to come to the rescue. It has worked more or less, although the thought process and the intentions are there, and good, reality is a different thing and is seldom controlled in such manner. I know it’s important to recognize those feelings and to not suppress them. They too have a place and if kept inside of yourself do harm in ways you don’t need. It’s a delicate balance, like a teeter totter, sometimes being up and other times dropping low.

On my hike yesterday I saw this tiny frog. He was not bigger than the size of a quarter and it’s only my second one I’ve seen in all the years hiking. He came with a message for me to do a physical cleanse and detoxify my body. I was also encouraged to do an emotional cleanse by letting myself really feel my emotions, to cry as often as I need to in order to clear and release any emotional toxicity. To sing and chant out loud would help improve balance, be at peace, and connect to the divine. Frog was letting me know that I was entering into a time of plenty and abundance, being the start of a slow and steady transformational process. A movement from an old life to a new life.

And that itself is reason enough to release the tears of a challenging old life, and welcome a new one filled with everything I already carry inside of me. Today is all about slowing the feelings and cleansing my soul and a reminder for you to acknowledge those feelings and allow them pass.

Caught up

The great hawk has been coming to visit me lately. I noticed him outside my window several times over the past couple of days. He has a message for me, reminding me that I’m caught up in too many details. Urging me to step back to observe the whole situation and to act quickly and swift at the right moment.

Hawk is telling me to stay alert, paying close attention to my surroundings, as an important message is heading my way. He reminds me to eliminate distractions and stay on task, which perhaps is the most challenging for me as I would easily love to emerge into my crafts and the space of creation, not having to deal with the seriousness life can bring from time to time.

Bald Eagle spirit sighting

Lake Tahoe is a magical place when it comes to scenery and beauty. Thousands of people travel from all over the world to visit this place I call my backyard every year.

Last Monday I had a Bald Eagle fly over my head, bringing a spirit message and giving me a good look of how majestic these birds truly are. Bald Eagles are linked to my birthday as a spirit animal, and I was gifted a few feathers from this magnificent animal and Mother Nature.

I was amongst a crowd of people as this happened, but only one other person (with me at the time) noticed this awesome event. As I looked around everybody continued what they were doing, having no clue, staring at their phones, in a place like this. Haha, I must be getting old, unable to relate. Perhaps the same experienced from generation to generation.

Call of the Crow

A giant crow has shown up in life, sitting on the power lines outside my window. This has repeated for a few days now, with it just sitting there, silent, just starring over into my direction.

It didn’t strike me as usual business for a crow to just hang out, and the repeat visits are coming across as signs that there is a message to be delivered. Maybe the message is long overdue and was already in the works as I painted the above crow into one of my paintings (partly picture above) for no apparent reason at that time. All of a sudden the painting stood out in a way as if reinforcing me to listen. It was yesterday that I finally heard the call when I came across a crow tarot deck, and separate guidebook that sparked my interest. Three times now, the crow made an unusual appearance and I’m finally ready to hear the message.

Crow wisdom:

You’re on the verge of manifesting something you’ve been working toward for a while. Be very watchful over the next couple of days for any clear omens or signs that will guide you and teach you. Expect a big change very soon. You’ve noticed something that’s out of balance or an injustice that hasn’t been addressed, and it’s important to speak up about it. You’re about to get a glimpse into some future event that affects you directly.

I think it is time…

Lovey Dovey

A couple of mourning doves have entrusted their nest against the patio wall, in an empty little planter. I’ve noticed it last week as I kept seeing a shadow flying towards the house. After a little inspection I found the small nest in the planter, and soon after a dove was sitting in it. What I had seen were the shadows created during nest construction. At first I was worried as my resident squirrel, named “Silverback for his mostly gray back” comes by regularly and feeds only a few feet from the nest. So far, so good and both don’t seem to mind each other all that much.

Last Monday I had to go on the patio for a moment and as careful as I was, the dove flew off. I’ve been out several times since and the dove has trusted me enough to stay in her nest now. I took a quick peek at the nest during the first time out, and saw one small egg in the middle of it. I realized that Dovey was planning to birth her offsprings in the very nest she had built. “What an honor” I thought, glad that I wasn’t considered to be a threat and that Dovey (What I call her) was building in such close proximity to me. By Wednesday I noticed a second egg, which are now the twins (Lolek & Bolek), ha, I’m losing my mind.

Since then, I watch her every day, say good morning and goodnight, and did a fair amount of research. I learned that mourning doves mate for life and have one partner. Both built the nest in joined forces and are lousy builders. True it looks a bit like a hot mess but no doubt is it obvious that love went into building it. Every once in awhile one brings an additional little twig for added comfort and it’s so cute. Both take turns sitting on the nest for a incubation time which will take about two weeks, so around next Monday I should have baby chicks. They lay one to two eggs, and if two eggs are present, one will hatch a day earlier, which explains why not both were laid at the same time. Once hatched the parents leave the nest, leaving the chicks to themselves. I hope they can stay warm on their own with this El Niño weather we are having. Parents will return for 11-12 days to feed the chicks from a milk like fluid that builds in their throat. If the chicks haven’t left the nest by then, trying to fly, the parents simply don’t come around anymore, forcing the chicks to make an attempt when they get hungry enough, and this is exactly where my horror begins.

The nest is several feet off the ground which is good since I have a stray cat stalking the yard and my squirrel. I’ve been chasing it off, scaring it half to death in the hopes it won’t come around no more. I even use my slingshot (yep I got one) to shoot rocks against the metal shed, which believe me the sound of it just about scares the pants off of you.

But now I wonder, and I’m afraid a chick might fall out off the nest and I don’t want to find a dead one on the ground. I am so sensitive seeing dead animals and I feel their loss to the core. It’s quite a tall order to take your first flight attempt while being several feet off the ground. I imagine it to be like running off a cliff not knowing how this will end up or work. But if I put the nest on the ground, I think it makes them even more vulnerable. It says that of course the first two weeks they are the most vulnerable and need bushes to hide in. With that I am afraid if I move the nest to a bush the parents may not find it or abandon it all together thinking a predator has messed with it. Can you see my dilemma? I want to provide the best possible chances for the chicks to survive.

If you have any input, please let me know what you think I should do.

Dove spirit animal message:

Express your love to as many people as possible in words and in deeds, even in small yet significant ways. The soul of someone who has recently passed is making a smooth, peaceful and joyous transition. This is a powerful time of prophecy and clear vision, and now more than ever you’re able to glimpse the future. You’re experiencing a spiritual renewal that’s the result of a period of intense self examination and challenges. This is a good time to stay at home and enjoy your domestic side. It’s important to nurture yourself with loving care.

An old friend returns

An old friend came to visit me today and for a moment I was amazed at how much joy this little critter brought. Why, I don’t know, and maybe it was just the realization and the reminder of how much the simple things mean to me.

In good ole fashion his name is Alvin and he used to come every day, collecting his peanuts and other goodies I put out for him. It was always a highlight whenever I saw him, to watch him stuff his little cheeks near bursting, stop to eat a few, and eventually run off to his little apartment under the shed. There was a time he even brought his lady squirrel and their three babies to feast. It was when the offering (food budget) had to be upped with increased rations due to many more mouths to be fed.

Later on the neighbors cat became a serious stalker and Alvin and his family disappeared. I hated that day and nearly came to hate the cat, which is almost an impossible thing given that I’m an animal lover. But I hated to think of anything bad happening to my little squirrel family. It’s been nearly two years, and although I doubt that it is Alvin returning, another squirrel was sighted today. It appears that he or she had found the apartment under the shed and it was a welcomed sight. The peanuts are out and I hope it’s the start of many special sightings.

So why now I wondered? What is the universe tying to tell me? Sure enough the message came through loud and clear from my squirrel spirit animal. It made sense and there has been little socializing. It wasn’t possible, but I believe this is my reminder that things are changes and to incorporate play once more.

Get ready for coming changes by lightning your load, clearing out and giving away any goods or material possessions that no longer serve you. The best way to deal with the challenging situation that’s before you is to confront it head on and be totally honest with your feelings and thoughts. Be extra vigilant and cautious right now, and be willing to avoid or escape any threatening situations. Prepare for the future by gathering and storing extra food, water, clothing, candles, and money for possible later use. Although you’re actively and aggressively pursuing your goals right now, you need to balance this pursuit with more socializing and play.

Feathery friend

Have you ever taken a moment to pause the hectic, to slow things down, and pay close attention to what is going on around you? It’s hard to do sometimes, and we can easily get sucked into today’s busy lifestyle if we are not careful. But seriously, where you able to take a moment to notice the unusual, the not so common, have you perhaps taken the chance to witness the signs and messages that are meant for you? If so, then you know that the universe is trying to communicate with you, and nothing, absolutely nothing ever happens by accident or coincidence.

Life has been full of signs and reassurance for me lately, and it seems as if I am making up for the quiet times when the spirits were silent in Germany. From my recent oracle card reading which seemed to have been the start of everything, to feathers of purity falling from the sky, to my gemstone purchase, to my fortune cookie and now this unusual visitor. I’ve never seen a bird like this here, and for the longest time he was just sitting on my fence, turning occasionally to look at me. What kind of message could he have for me?

It is said that like the wolf, the bird spirit animal is associated with higher knowledge. It symbolizes freedom and strength, as well as harmony with fellow creatures. The bird meaning can apply to different areas of your life. Most of the time, the meaning of the bird signifies your ability to remain in control of your emotions, and your ability to beat hardships as time goes by.

It represents endings and beginnings, and the importance of not rushing or flapping furiously just to get to your destination. It signifies lightness of being, and having a close relationship with God. It represents your extravagant and intricate thoughts as well as your understanding of the worlds energies. The meaning of the bird represents the use of your voice to heal, to bring new hope, and to find every day joyful treasures.

The bird meaning signifies illumination and empowerment. It ushers in fortune and luck, and it represents purity, elegance, opportunity, and victory. The bird spirit animal also signifies your indomitable spirit and your ability to rise above adversities. When the bird spirit animal comes flying into your life, you can expect your luck to change for the better. It brings with it a message of power and strength, encouraging you to get out of your comfort zone and reach for the stars. The bird meaning is telling you to stop thinking less of yourself because you are so much more than that. It helps you gain clarity, come up with a plan to make your dreams a reality, and have to confidence to see it through. With the bird spirit animal, tomorrow is always a new day. You will always be moving forward and bringing new changes in your life.

You will discover more new beginnings than endings. With the bird totem, you will learn how to spring forward and break free from the chains. The meaning of the bird reassures you that if you leave all the weight of your past behind, you will experience a different kind of lightness and freedom in love.

There is much to ponder here and I’m reminded to reach for the stars and to believe in miracles. The time is here to pursue my dreams and to let worries fall to the wayside. I need to make a plan and give myself some deadlines to strive towards to visualize the desired end result better.

Fox Prayer

Look at this cute little light up fox water-globe. Isn’t it just the cutest? I got it at a Christmas party 2017, in a gift exchange. Well actually it wasn’t even mine, and the recipient didn’t care for it, nor did she want it. What a shame, but what luck for me, and it must have been written all over my face that I couldn’t believe she didn’t like it. “Here you go” she said, handing me the globe. Like a bandit, I made out with two gifts, although I offered to give her my other present and would have gladly traded, but she didn’t care for that either. There was something right away for me about this water globe, I just didn’t knew what, and I didn’t give it much thought. It was not unusual that things speak to me, and sometimes it takes a long time until they finally find their true purpose and rightful spot. I don’t force it, it go with my gut feeling and intuition. Yep, my house is truly an eclectic mix of things.

Because of the uniqueness of how things transpired, I would say it was the time that fox spirit came into my life. I have never seen a real fox here in the states, but I saw one while I was in Germany. A truly magical moment. Little did I know that a special person and friend would enter my life shortly after, who is very closely associated with the fox spirit. As a fellow writer and soul sister, I have come to love the fox just a little extra because of it. When it is lit and illuminated, it reminds me of all the light and all the good within. The globe to me is symbolic for a protective bubble, and if you do good things and carry light within your heart, karma will always find a way to protect you and keep you safe.

Today, I see my beloved water globe every day and it is a way to connect and send healing and good energy across the miles. It makes me smile and there is a special connection that is only growing stronger.

Which brings me to this special fox prayer, I would like to share with you.

I call on Fox.

Shapeshifter and trickster

Edge walker and messenger

Help me blend with my surroundings

And adapt to the changing landscapes

Show me the hidden paths between the worlds

Teach me the ways of invisibility and camouflage

Gift me your keen senses

That might see more of what is around me

And use it to accomplish my goals

I call on you fox

To bring magic and discernment into my life

Lead me at your steady gait to those places

Where I might do the greatest good

Let us walk the borders between day and night

And follow the scent of divine mischief

Fox, I call on you

Spiritual guidance

It was wonderful to talk to Mom today, and Moni made it all happen. I am so grateful and relieved to be in touch with her again, and she seemed obviously excited to get her iPad back. Who would have thought it, but despite all doubts, it was a brainstorm of genius to get it for her. She has come to love listen to her music whenever she pleases, and it’s a means to stay in touch with me.

If you follow this blog, you have noticed that I haven’t been in a good place as of lately. Physical and emotional pain truly had me struggle for awhile, and although I’m not out of the woods just yet, I am crawling my way back up towards the light, and I am getting better.

You will also know that I’m in tune with my animal world, and any spiritual messages that might come true. It’s been quiet and I really didn’t get many signs while I was in Germany, but the other day, the universe had quite a few things to say.

The day started with a beautiful white blanket of snow. Everything was clean and fresh. Symbolic for a new start and new beginnings. Symbolic of purity and cleansing away the dirt, even if only covered up.

While doing the dishes, a young hawk came to visit and sat on the wires across my kitchen window, as if watching me. He sat there for over an hour, silent, just watching me through the window. Like all messages, if you believe in this sort of thing, was a powerful one.

“You’re caught up in too many details, so step back so you can get a greater perspective on the situation. Stay alert and focused on the task before you, eliminating as many distractions as possible. Spent some time observing and studying the situation, and when it’s time for action, make it quick and decisive. Pay close attention to your surroundings, as you’re about to receive an important message. Be aware of any personal or psychic attacks, and be prepared to defend yourself. Stop trying to change others or just situation, And work instead on excepting things as they are”.

Later on that day while venturing outside, a donkey crossed my path with another message.

“Volunteer and give your time and physical energy to a service organization that’s compatible with your philosophy and believes. Listen to and respect your intuition, particularly when it comes to doing something that has potential risks. Take your time and proceed cautiously and slowly, but keep on moving ahead, pausing only to determine the best direction to go toward your destination. The more you express and honor your inner truth, the more recognition and acknowledgment you’ll receive”.

Finally at night I went to bed with the sound of coyotes near by, bringing yet another message.

“Lighten up, you are taking things from much too seriously. The resources you need are available. Something quite unexpected and not necessarily welcome is about to happen. Rather than fighting or running from the situation, it will work out better if you adjust to it. Look for the lessons in the turmoil you’re experiencing. Forgive yourself for any mistakes or errors, and look for the gifts that have come out of the experience”.

So all in all I would say that this is a time of healing and renewal for me. To shed or cover up what no longer serves me and to be pure at heart.

To break things down into smaller portions, vs getting overwhelmed by too many steps and too much detail. To own what I can impact, and to learn to accept what is not mine to change. What is truly my destiny, and what is not my baggage to carry. Being emotionally and physically drained, put into perspective and showed me that we might not always like the outcome life has for others, but it’s not our path to walk and if we are not careful we might lose more of ourself then we actual have to give. It’s a delicate balance and one that will pull in your heartstrings for sure.

Donkey cautioned me to put my energy into a worthy cause. This could be job related, while it urges me to do something I am passionate about and not waste my time. To keep moving forward in what I’m doing, like now, even if the process is slow.

And finally I’m reminded that more fight is ahead of me, and perhaps it is not really a fight that needs to happen, but a matter of forgiveness and seeking the lessons learned. Even during a time of turmoil, there is always a silver lining, a time to adjust, and a life with your own choices in the making.

Grasshopper Symbolism

Saw this little guy cross my path the other day and apparently they have become a rare sight. Of course there had to be meaning in this encounter and the message he brought, couldn’t have hit home any clearer.

“You need to fully commit yourself to your decision. It’s the only way to succeed with this venture at this time. -Grasshopper

You are being asked to take a leap of faith. Just go ahead and do it without knowing the outcome. Usually this is something that you have been avoided doing and is often linked to a large scale change in direction. This can be a change in relationship, career or a change in yourself. Know that you have the wisdom that you need to get past any obstacles in an efficient manner. For the most part all possible outcomes will be positive.

I am ready Mr. Grasshopper, but I am still trying to figure out just what that leap of faith is suppose to be. And here I thought I had taken it a long time ago.