Posted in Inspiration

Life provides

There is a saying amongst thru hikers that the trail provides. That no matter what is needed, the trail will find a way to supply you at your time of need. It’s the simple things, the subtle gifts that might come in the form of a cave to provide shelter to keep you dry and out of the rain. Maybe you find a left behind, no longer needed pair of sneakers at a hut, and you have been in dire straits with your duct taped shoes to make it to the next town. What are chances that they happen to be your exact size? It’s actually a true story and it has happened to my friend Kyle, an avid thru hiker and author of two of my favorite books. Please click onto the link to his blog to follow his adventures hiking the Appalachian trail and the PCT. He and his girlfriend Jessica will go for their triple crown later this year by hiking the CDT. Hopefully Katana, a feisty Shiba Inu will be able to complete the challenge and earn her triple crown as well.

The recent events with Mom have left me seriously pondering many things lately. I’m coming to terms with feelings that have haunted me for decades and perhaps have contributed to the RA. I don’t doubt that stress plays a huge part in all of it. All the seriousness of the current moments and a talk with my girlfriend Angie, have helped me zero in and really contemplate the future. I know what needs to be done, but I can’t see a good outcome right now if Mom is not willing to change her ways. I am an adult and I’m no longer that ten year old child that doesn’t know anything. Just like Mom has been independent for the past 40 some years, so have I for the past 30 some years. It’s going to take a shared commitment and effort if things are to work out with me going there, otherwise it will not work. I believe that we all have to find our own way in life and that nobody is responsible for the life of someone else or their decisions. Mom seems to believe that it is my duty and responsibility to give up my life to come home and care for her. If I do, it will be because I want to help and not because it is my turn now, and my obligation to care for her since she cared for me as a child. I’m not sure for how long I can if there is no regard for my own sanity or life from her. There is lots to be considered for both of us and although we never know what life holds for us, it does remain a huge step for me. There is still another post that requires follow up to recent events and a talk Angie (my girlfriend) recently had with Mom. It truly put the future in perspective, as well as her way of thinking.

So what does the trail and Mom have in common you might think! Just like the trail providing, i think life provides as well if we are willing to see the signs. I call those moment synchronicities and they are the unexpected moments and what you might see as coincidences. It could be a quote you needed to see that hits the nail on the head during a particular moment. It might be a friend contacting you out of the blue. It could be anything. Yesterday I had one of those moments, a synchronicity, something I needed to see. I opened Pinterest and I’m a picture, visual hound. No wonder I love books with all kinds of pictures in it and so Pinterest and collecting pieces visually stunning to me is a no brainer. Since I love quotes, the content of what’s visible to me is often geared towards my interests. Front and center was a little quote / article written by Sophia Loren. As a child in Germany, I used to watch movies with Mom, starring Sophia Loren. Was it a coincidence to find this pin right now, or was it divine intervention?

Here is what Sophia Loren had to say and it truly put in perspective the “Now” by taking a deep breath

When I hit enough confidence, the stage was gone. When I was sure of losing, I won. When I needed people the most, they left me. When I learned to dry my tears, I found a shoulder to cry on. When I mastered the skill of hating, someone started loving me from the core of their heart. And while waiting for light for hours when I fell asleep the sun came out…that’s LIFE! No matter what you plan, you never know what life has planned for you. Success introduces you the the world, but failure introduces the world to you. Always be happy! Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, relax sweetheart; it’s just a bend, not the end….

Sometimes it’s not easy to be and see the light within the darkness, but is there truly any other way? It’s just a bend and never the end. Xoxo 🦋❤️

Advertisements
Posted in Inspiration, Self help

Connected by faith

I wrote this post the other day, before the news about Mom arrived and changed everything. I can no longer say that things in my own corner don’t matter, it would be a lie and news of that sort always impacts my life. I wouldn’t care otherwise. I rescheduled, and kept pushing this post for a later day, but it seemed untimely for what was going on in my own world. It’s hard to feel one thing and write or convey another. My posts are always written from the heart, but more important they are relevant to what is going on in my life when it comes to my journey. Ultimately, I’ve decided to still post this prior written post because life is not all about me. Life goes on and doesn’t wait for anyone, it doesn’t care about timing. Ready or not, we fight our battles in different corners of the world and I still feel your struggles. I hope this post can bring some inspiration and hope your way. To be a ray of light in the darkness, for you, as well as for me. I think it’s funny that I have always been good at giving advice to others, but I often can’t do the same for myself. I know what needs to be done and can trust my intuition, carrying it through is another thing. With that said, I join you in taking a dose of my own medicine, and hope that it fuels our day with motivation and inspiration. Xoxo 💙🦋

Thoughts from the other day,

I’ve been sitting here for quite some time tonight, wanting to get a message out to you and feeling kind of lost with where to start. I still sense your struggle and your hardship, while my mind drifts back to you. I sense a change in my intuitional abilities and they seem to have strengthened. I can hear the silent cries and the pleads for help, although they mostly go unspoken. More than ever do I feel the urge to reach out and be what I can during those times of darkness. I’m reminded of the power of one and the ability we each have to make a difference. A movement starts with one person and tonight I join you in the unity of strength in numbers.

It doesn’t matter what I want to write about and nothing quite fits the bill. Personal subjects would feel irrelevant and unrelated at this point, almost cold and uncaring. Those subjects can wait and don’t matter right now, what’s more important is that this time is about you. Right now my topics are replaced by thoughts of what encouragement I can sent your way and how I can help you the most. If you have followed me for some time, then you know that I’m a quote fanatic. I have found hope and wisdom in their truths and tonight I picked a few for you. I hope you can find that same strengths and something to relate to the same way as I did. May they comfort your fears and give you inspiration. Allow them to shed light and reassure you that you are not alone. And may you be reminded that you are cared for and loved. Here are a few that have spoken to me in the past and maybe they can reach you in a time of need. Light and love as always. 💙🦋

“It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it”

“Someone out there needs you to keep living”

“Beneath every strong independent woman lies a broken girl who had to learn to get back up and to never depend on anyone”

“Only you decide what breaks you”

“You are where you need to be. Just breathe” OM

“The power is in you. The answer is in you. And you are the answer to all your searches: You are the goal. You are the answer. It’s never outside” ~Eckhart Tolle.

Posted in Inspiration

Awesome Blogger Award

I couldn’t help but reblog Darren’s response to the awesomene Blogger Award. I cherish his answers and the chance he has given us to get to know him a little more, but his kind words and beautiful comments in regards to me have moved me to tears and immense gratefulness. He has even gone so far as to move his post up for me because he felt that I needed to hear what he had written. Darren knows that the last couple of days have been tough for me, with the news about my Mom, which makes me struggle from time to time. To have someone take notice of that and put their own troubles aside to help another is no small feat and it takes a special person. Darren is such a person, changing his prior planned agenda for his award post, simply because he thought that it could brighten my day.
His words are treasures, and they do arrive in a time when I myself feel vulnerable and needed a random act of kindness. I could never put into words the appreciation and love this made me feel and I’m forever thankful.
I’m reblogging Darren’s post because he has touched my heart and because people like him a rare and one of a kind. He has a heart of gold and I feel more people have to discover the beauty of his blog and all the kindness he brings to the WordPress community.
So please stop by and say hello if you haven’t already and meet one of the most kind human beings I have ever met. Much love to you my friend and thank you for doing this for me. It has made my day and you always make a difference. Hugs 💙<<<<<<
;

The Arty Plantsman

img_0323

The beautiful Rhapsody Boheme has nominated me for this award. I am very moved by this as I am really fond of her, so this award means a lot to me as did the lovely things she said about me in the nomination. She has her battles, not least with chronic illness. Despite these battles she has a glowing, loving and positive outlook and has the kind of freedom of spirit and inner beauty that I am in awe of. She is a very talented artist, writer and photographer too. And, of course, custodian of Luna, the worlds feistiest Guinea Pig. Thank you beautiful friend for nominating me, you enrich my life.

Rules For This Award:

  • Thank the person who nominated you.
  • Include the reason behind the award.
  • Tag it under #awesomebloggeraward in the Reader.
  • Answer the questions your nominator gave you.
  • Nominate at least 5 awesome bloggers.
  • Give your…

View original post 713 more words

Posted in Inspiration, Spiritual awakening

Chasing Nirvana

It is said that spiritual awakening is triggered through the catalysts of our life experiences. A catalyst is much more than just a bad experience, it is a traumatizing event that shakes us to the core. It could be a loss, physical or mental, death of a loved one, any kind of abuse, physical or psychological, a chronic illness, failed marriage or any other traumatic experience. Life as you know it changes, ready or not, it is never the same again. It’s something that stays with you forever instead of being just a bad memory. You might also view it as a crossroad to enlightenment or bitterness, it depends on you and the many things that make up your personal profile. If you are an optimist, you most likely choose to believe, as a pessimist you might need evidence, thinking this is nothing more than a hoax, missing the crossroad all together while turning bitter.

I believe that the severity and the impact can vary with each occurrence and a person may need several catalysts to enter the process of spiritual awakening. Perhaps some will never experience it due to personal beliefs. I have wrote about the seven steps before and you can find them easily by searching under spiritual awakening.

It took multiple catalysts for me and it wasn’t a matter of severity and which one was the final one to trigger the process, but it was also a matter of timing and being ready for the signs that would follow. Everything added up and played a part in reaching that final destination. I think that my first catalyst started very early in life with the loss of my Father. I never coped, but I was too young at the age of ten to understand anything about spiritual awakening. I just continued with my life, still a child, with a hole in my heart that never closed, missing my Dad. Later in life I experienced abusive relationships, from physical torment to the manipulative kind, full of lies and deceit. I got played and taken advantage of, had to fear for my life and ended up in a failed marriage. I lost two pregnancies and went through hell and back at work due to jealousy and envy because I promoted before others who had seniority but not necessarily the skills. Try to tell them. It was the first time my hard work paid off in a negative way. I struggled with it a lot and although I had achieved everything, I had to lose everything in order to save myself. I almost didn’t make it. Over the years my dogs became my children, especially Nikki and the last and final catalysts happened as they past. I never recovered from Nikki’s loss and the wound of her being gone remains wide open. I know that her spirit would return to me in the form of another Shiba Inu, but that help remains unfulfilled with Germany hanging in the balance. Almost four years later, I know that it was my final catalyst and what evoked my process of spiritual-awakening. It was also a time I began to dabble in writing again. There was so much to say, even though the blog came much later and I needed an outlet for the things that were unfolding. I felt I couldn’t share it with anyone else, I wasn’t sure anyone would be able to relate. My experiences were customized to my suffering and from the outside one might gather that I was going nuts and was in the process of losing myself. I almost did, but I stayed true to course with a sincerity and a feeling so strong, yet no sufficient facts, besides my intuition. I had arrived at the crossroads of my path and choose my turn without even knowing that I was.

What happened during that timeframe, remains ever changing until today. Visions appear, synchronicities happen, people cross my path (nothing happens by accident), stepping stones are found with bits of information here and there, and the thirst for knowledge and understanding grows continuously. It’s a process that is ever evolving and it’s a process that only happens through trust and complete surrender by letting go of all control. To be ok with whatever outcome comes your way, to worry less and let things unfold how they are meant to be. I’m not saying I always like the outcome, but the awareness sure eliminates the pre-stresses about something that might never even come to terms. I learned to keep the ego in check and minimize the misery that causes us pain. It doesn’t mean that I eliminated all of it, but I learned to recognize the warning signs.

I never really talked about it and mostly kept the following to myself. Maybe because of fear that no one would relate, maybe because of worries that validation would never come, maybe because I thought you would think I’m nuts. It doesn’t matter anymore and I feel like sharing it today because I think some of you may have arrived at that crossroad and you need reassurance and understanding of what is happening in your life.

One of those little stepping stones that would end up being the start of everything, came into my life one day as I stood washing dishes. Like a robot I was washing one piece after another, starring out the kitchen window at the mountain range across from me. After years and years of living in the same house and seeing that mountain range every day, it wasn’t until that day that I truly saw it for the very first time. The turmoil inside of me became still as I scoured over every bush and every boulder. I never stopped my task and blindly reached for the next cup to wash, never taking my eyes off of the mountain. My mind was blank, I was lost in a moment of peace and I wanted to stay there as long as possible. The pain I was experiencing during that time of my life was intense and I knew I needed direction, a place to turn to and a shimmer of hope, something to focus on that would motivate me to go on.

“Nirvana, Nirvana, Nirvana”. I don’t know how long this was going on, but eventually I heard myself speaking the word Nirvana. It was what brought me back to reality and what at first set in confusion. Of course I knew of the music group Nirvana, but I never even knew the meaning of the word and what it stood for. Why was I saying it, what triggered it, and what was going on? I had numerous questions but started with a google search to learn the meaning of the word and to piece the puzzle together until I had a answer that felt right for me.

Nirvana

In Buddhism a transcendent State in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor a sense of self, and the subject is released from the effects of karma and the cycle of death and rebirth. It represents paradise, heaven, bliss, ecstasy, joy, peace, serenity, tranquility, enlightenment and is the final goal of Buddhism.

I was confused at first and didn’t learn about synchronicities and intuition much later, but I had a starting point. I later found that I was relating to many of the Buddhist teachings when it comes to wisdom, karma, compassion and the modern materialistic society. It was then that I learned that less is more, that none of the materialistic things matter and that I got addicted to the feeling of inner bliss and harmony. Buddhism is a code of practice or a way of life that leads to true happiness. I believe that hearing me speak that word without any prior knowledge of its meaning was my portal, the stepping stone in my journey to enlightenment. I have grown ever since. I have never really spoken about it and I know it’s something hard to comprehend for someone who has not experienced similar situations or is on a different level. You might still think that I’m nuts, but you might also relate and have your own experiences. When I remember back to one of my most painful times of life, I can’t help deny the beauty that was born out of it. Perhaps it is the very reason as to why I believe in silver linings and what taught me to embrace the challenges without complaining.

My moments of greatest pain became my greatest strength.

Posted in Inspiration

Faith and trust

Have blind faith. Trust. Follow your soul…it knows the way.

Sometimes we struggle with matters of the heart and the mind. The heart wants what the heart wants without paying attention to the rational common sense of the mind, and the heart struggles to let go of the fairytale. Perhaps it is then to consider a third contender and to go with your gut instinct. It already knows the way and you have everything you need. Your gut instinct is usually right on and seldom fails the choice that is right for you.

Happy Sunday 🦋❤️

Posted in Inspiration, Motivation,

The Roots of this Blog

A comment to a recent post made me think and revisit the reasons as to why so many blogs, including this one got started. Some of what I am about to say, are no facts and I can only truly speak for myself, but they are my personal beliefs and observations. I might not hit the nail on the head in all cases, but I hope you can recognize a common reason here.

I believe that many blogs get started out of adversity, because of a void and because something has gone missing in life. Society can be self absorbed, leaving us without a voice, in expectancy to follow the herds, scared to stand up on our own. We fear how we are perceived and going against the grain seems daunting, yet I’m here to tell you that I have never felt more free as to when I started to care just a little bit less about that. Sure we all seek acceptance, but at what price and what are you willing to sacrifice?

Maybe the blog serves as an outlet, to speak your mind freely, to tell the truths without fear of judgement. After all, nobody really sees you behind that keyboard and you don’t have to be nervous. You can lay it all out, and it automatically creates a comfort zone without the fear of discrimination and rejection.

Maybe you feel alone and nobody would understand your troubles in the “real world”. Maybe you fear to be perceived as weird and strange. Maybe you hold secrets nobody knows, you are ashamed of, or you had a traumatic past so painful that it is easier to write about. Maybe you feel that society is not ready for you and what you have to say.

Maybe there is a need to be heard, to tell your story, to find understanding and to be acknowledged. Things, we might think should be a given from our fellow humans, are often not and disappointment continues to build without a way to express yourself.

Perhaps your experiences are hard to relate to, and others at a different stage in their life, how no clue. You need validation that you are not the only one. You need comfort and a sign that you are on the right path.

And just maybe you find your purpose from sharing your experiences, to help others, to talk through the pain and to shine your light as a beacon for others to find their way.

I’m sure there are many more reasons as why people start a blog, but I think those listed may be some common starting points. For myself, I have been in management for the majority of my career. It was hard work, dedication and reliability that got me promoted. I always felt the need and want to pay it forward. I wanted to be in a position to help others promote and achieve whatever goals they had set for themselves. I became a mentor and I was that person that took the young aspiring worker under her wings to help fulfill that dream. I believed it was what it took, and at some point we all needed a person like that in our life to make it. For years I was that person and still I am today, but things have changed. I still help people promote and climb the corporate ladder, but it is no longer a career I seek.

A few years back after facing a number of my own struggles and adversities, I needed an outlet. I needed a bigger purpose and I felt stifled being confined to the four walls at work. It was no longer enough and the hunger to reach more people grew. My strong intuition was already developing and while I knew things without being able to explain how I knew, I felt that others needed that validation. I was never afraid to go against the grain and I was learning that it is essential at times, especially when it comes to finding yourself and the purpose you are meant to bring to this life. The right people will love you for who you are and this cool quote only confirmed what I was already feeling.

“In society that profits from your self doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act”

Going through my troubles was a trying time and at one point I felt as if I was losing the battle and myself. I was suicidal and in the end I was afraid of myself and what I might do. Luckily that choice was never optional and I also believed. Several catalysts later I was beginning to travel a more enlightened path and felt a greater purpose, meant to be achieved. I wanted to be a voice and share my experience. I found WordPress and this blog got started. It was a means to reach beyond the four walls, a means to impact and to expand. I wanted more, and I wanted no restrictions that would limit me as to how many people could be reached. My goal was to share my story without fear, to be an open book and to wear my feelings on my sleeve. For me it is the only way and I’m not afraid if someone is trying to take advantage of it. It would be on them if they did and although it would leave me feeling sad, I have no control over it and don’t need to have any. Luckily this is a great community that is loving, accepting and non judgmental. Thank you.

I’m no expert, but what I write about comes from the heart and is a real as it can get. I’ve been blessed with meeting many special people on here and my wish to connect with more people has come true. A few days ago I wrote a post called FEELING YOUR VIBE. It talks about being an EMPATH and describes the intuition I feel about your struggles. It has been confirmed and some of you have contacted me and shared your struggles or simply voiced that you are facing tough times. I can’t explain to you how I feel these things, but I’m grateful for your trust and for being there for you. It was me who was hoping to reach more people, to make a difference and to shine a light when life gets dark. To show you that there is always a way, that silver linings do exist and that we have the most control when we surrender and give up control.

You have given me that purpose, although this not at all about me. It is about you, how you feel and what this blog can bring to the table for you. I plan to streamline the blog a little more and to include a contact page, should you ever need me or feel the need to contact me. I’m still unsettled and I still feel the troubles in your world. Please be good to yourself and take a deep breath. I’m a prime example that everything passes and so will this. Every moment brings you closer to a brighter day and I’m sending much strengths and love your way.

Posted in Inspiration

Thousands of wishes

Here is another confession, and today I share another eccentric and simple trait I possess. In case you didn’t know, I am a rock hound. I collect all kinds of things, mostly things from my hikes, and things found in nature. I frequently add rocks, feathers, Moss, twigs and branches, pine cones, leaves, seashells (I even have a few huge lobster claws which stunk up the whole car way back as I collected them) and other things to my collection. These are just a few and I’m sure the list could go on. Some materials find a home in a later painting or a branch may come in handy. You never know when you need one for a origami crane mobile or to one rest up against the wall with some Polaroids dangling off. The possibilities are endless. I pick up anything that catches my eye and sometimes I don’t yet see the purpose, and a project emerges years down the road. It’s always a cool feel when it comes full circle and finds what appears to be its rightful place as if it was always meant that way and was just waiting to be discovered.

Nearly twelve years ago when I started to hike, I also started collecting rocks I found along the way. I never stopped, so take a moment and envision the thousands of rocks, stored in rustic old suitcases and wooden crates. Did I mention that I like the simple things? Bring me a rock from a trip or an adventure you took, and I’ll be a happy girl, it’s as simple as that. I’m currently holding out on a coupon from the Rock Quarry that I received for Christmas. Pure joy and excitement over a coupon for rocks. The Rock Quarry is a local store that sells rocks, fossils, gemstones, jewelry and crystals. A few weeks ago I almost subscribed to a monthly crate that comes filled with crystals, magic and that sort of thing. I thought it be cool and full of little treasures, but I never followed through with it. Yet…

Anyways, back to the story and what I was going to write about, I soon discovered that I’m particularly drawn to rocks with lines through it. There is something about those rocks that fascinates me to no end. From the stories they might have seen, to how those markings came to be, to the aesthetics of it, I could never quite pinpoint what my attraction to those rocks are. I just happened to like them and that reason was good enough until now. Perhaps the mystery is solved and just yesterday I came across something very neat that I want to share with you.

Rocks with lines through them are called Wishing Rocks.

Legend has it that if you find a rock with a white line running around it, it is a Wishing rock.

If you make a wish for yourself, it will come true, but if you make a wish for someone else, ALL of your wishes will come true!

Tonight I have a rock for each of you as I send a wish to end your struggles. If you look close you’ll see your wish shine bright across the night sky and when you find it, smile and know that something special is about to happen. Thousands of wishes, personal and unique to you are floating through the dark, shining bright to end all suffering and to bring light and love your way. Tonight, a wish was sent for you and I hope you trust that everything will be ok. 💙🦋

Posted in Inspiration, music

Finding my “Sweet Spot”

As you might know, I got two music instruments for Christmas, one being a ukulele and the other a Didgeridoo. A little habit formed, and when I get home for work, I play them to practice and soothe my nerves. That was as far as the ukulele goes, and the sound of it is very peaceful and relaxing. While I can see progress in my play with it, it was the Didgeridoo that would offset that peace and I couldn’t play it for the life of me. How do you blow into this long hollow piece of wood and make “that” sound. My efforts were a far cry from it, and a painful attempt. A few times I even got so frustrated with it that I didn’t pick it up for a day or two and just played the Uke. I thought I’d never get the hang of it and thought if all fails, it would look beautiful hanging on the wall with it’s intricate design.

Thank god for YouTube videos right, which I watched quite a few. I came across this guy talking about the “Sweet Spot” and it describes pretty much what it’s like to pick up the Didgeridoo and being able to make “that” unique and unmistaken sound. “Relax your lips” he said, which presented an entirely different struggle given that the round opening of the wood is pressed up against your lips to make a tight seal. How do you relax?

The long sound is described as a drone and to play it continuously you have to practice a method that is called the circular breathing technique. In other words, you blow air into your Didge while trying to breath in through your nose. My mind can’t even comprehend the thought of it and just try it out and you know what I mean. Either way, he instructed to not even bother with circular breathing until you have found your “sweet spot”. I was determined, but frustration also had it and I wondered why the heck I couldn’t do it. Would I ever know, and how long would it take, were all questions running through my mind. Not knowing what I was doing wrong, how could I change direction, do something different and get away from the painful and awful sounds that I was producing?

Here and there, I briefly found the “Sweet Spot” but it never lasted long enough to actually remember how it came to be. Last night, after work and after not playing it for a couple of days, I picked up my Didge. I took it out of it’s protective carrying bag and wrapped my hand around it. I held it for a few seconds, while looking at the beautiful painted markings that adorn it. I was motivated and today would be the day, thinking in my mind that I can do this. “Come on, you are going to work with me and we are going to do this together”, I silently thought, focusing my mind and energy on the long hollow wooden pipe while holding it. And then I started and set it to my lips. First, came the painful sounds, mixed in with the occasional short sample of the drone sound. I was fading in and out of the sound as I took the Didge away from my mouth and was afraid to stop, thinking that by tomorrow I would go back to the same painful sounds.

I picked it back up this morning and almost immediately produced that deep, vibrational sound. Although at times it takes me a second, it appears that I have found my “Sweet Spot” and somehow know how to get back to it. I couldn’t be more excited about it and it feels like I have tried way too hard before. I tried to force something that wasn’t ready and only as I surrendered and gave up control was I able to produce this beautiful sound in perfect harmony with the instrument. It’s crazy how things work out sometimes and I think this was a lesson with many meanings, applied to play and life itself. In the end I’m reminded that nothing can be forced and all develops in due time and when ready.

I’m attaching a video to it to share the sound with you and to show you what I’m after.

Next lesson: Circular breathing…wish me luck