A Christmas wish…

Christmas is a magical time for me and has always been. It is easy to see as to why I feel connect in so many ways to this extraordinary time of year. And if I allow my analytical mind to engage, I know that it connects to my inner core and my beliefs, which are so much more and a way of life for me. I know that it will always be more than just a seasonal Christmas wish and it might be a wish for world peace – to heal the world. Here are a few thoughts that come to mind.

Oneness- It’s a time we huddle together when storms whip through the lands. When we remember friends and family and come together as one. It’s a time we make it a priority to spend time with the ones that should always matter the most. And if distance keeps us apart like me and my loved ones in Germany, it is a time I’m closer than any other time as I wrap them deep within my heart. I miss you beyond words….
Festivities and decor-It’s a time we string the house with lights, decorate our dwellings and shine just a little bit brighter through the dark of night. As we light up the sky, a beacon shines bright as we are never lost and always find our way back home. 

Mother Nature-We incorporate Mother Nature into our homes as a festive tree casts its golden glow. Blinking lights or a steady stream, the magic of a fairytale is casting dancing shadows onto our walls, whisking us away to a wonderland of dreams and make believe. Don’t forget to breathe deeply and relax in believe. 

A season to give-May we be reminded of how good it feels to give. Smiles fill the rooms, with eyes open wide as we unwrap the thoughtful gifts and dance with excitement. And while many are less fortunate than we are, let us not forget that it doesn’t cost a thing to give a smile, a hug and a little compassion. We may even make a strangers day and instill the hope of a reminder that not all is lost. 

Spirit-It’s a time we get into the Christmas spirit and sing Christmas carol’s from the top of our lungs. A saying (Quote) hanging at my mothers house describes that he/she who sings that everything echoes each day, is believed to live a long happy fulfilled life. I’m not sure how this quote came to be and who believed in such, but maybe it’s a metaphorical reminder that we should sing from the top of our lungs a little more often. So maybe just go for it….

Family activities-It’s a time we fill the house with the sweet smell of baked goods and kick back to marvel in old movie classics and new ones. We wear ugly Christmas sweaters and might even make some new Christmas traditions.

It’s a time we go sledding, snowshoeing, skiing and engage in all kinds of winter fun. And it is usually during those times that we do laugh out loud, with heartfelt humor, all while making the memories we will hold dear for years to come. 

It’s a time of magic and wonder, a time of opening our hearts just a little bit more and a time to believe in all mankind and humanity. A time to hold our loved ones near and a time to bestow a little blessings through the act of kindness. 

My Christmas wish for you is that you enjoy all of these wonders, that you feel loved but also remember to love. May your season be filled with warmth, wonder and many special moments and memories. 
And if you want to, you might even ask yourself “Why stop here and why not carry a little magic throughout the year”.

Happy Holidays….

Xoxoxoxo ❤️

Spiritual awakening – Stage 5

This stage had a big calling for me and it was said to be the stage of developing your spiritual gifts. The beginning of seeking a deeper connection with the source as you continue to tap into new learnings and miracles that are unfolding right before your eyes. Even though stage 5 is your main stage at this point, it is not uncommon to experience previous learnings and stages at the same time. You are just further in the process with more things making sense and coming full circle. But more about this later which is better described in stage 6.
Typical events experienced during this stage include:
Meditating – I believe meditation comes in many different forms. Most people might envision a person sitting on the ground, legs crossed in front of them with their eyes closed. To me, meditation was everything that calmed my soul and gave me peace of mind. It was something that I found in doing the things I loved whether it was doing art, listening to music or in my voracious reading attempts. It was fuel for my soul, but the most peaceful feeling I experienced out of all, was when I was in nature and felt as if I had returned home. And while I experienced joy in all activities, it was always nature that evoked that deep breath and a deep sigh of renewal. As if I was reborn and had acquired the strength to continue in real life and reality. 
It tied in with the experience of other mindful activities that were described which could also include yoga and Qigong. 
Creating was another, including painting, writing, singing etc. This one was huge for me as well with some activities spanning over several years. The paintings started after Sparky’s death and a talent or passion for such had prior been undiscovered. So did the writing and it was just recently that I had been inspired to pursue my passion of becoming a storyteller, a healer, somebody to share their own experiences in the hopes of benefitting others. I wrote a few times before but never at the level I am doing now and this blog is still in its infant stages. 
Other example events were studying healing modalities such Reiki. Honing your intuition by doing your own angel card readings. Strengthening your relationship with your spiritual guides and wanting to heal the world. 
Big daunting tasks that might seem overwhelming and you might ask yourself “Me, little ole me….heal the world”?. How exactly am I going to do that? I sure spend some time thinking about it and I have come to the conclusion that all I can ever do, is to do my part. To find my place and hopefully inspire a few along the way. I’m one, standing against the many who are still asleep, but I’m not alone and everybody has the potential to make a difference and contribute in their own way. Asleep or awake, we each have to find our own path and together we become the many that impact our daily life’s. 
Typical emotions expressed during this stage are said to be joy and eagerness, feeling the reconnection with yourself through your higher source. Finding your purpose and what you were meant to do, wanting to share your gift with others. It was a time things began to make more sense as it left me at a better vantage point to explain the emotions and experiences that I was living through. Intuitions materialized and premonitions became true. In many ways I felt as if I had become my own healer. I was on to improving my health and to live a healthier life style. Be more aware of healing foods and strangely, here too, it was that I searched the all knowing web and felt many times as if I had read these articles before. Or maybe I was doing something already without ever reading it. Being guided as if an inner voice was steering me. It was strange and it was something I couldn’t explain at the time. And then Pinterest came to my aid once more and I came across the mentioning of being an “Old soul” and a whole new roam to explore. 

Tired….so tired.

Ughhhh….I’m tired and if I wasn’t already, I definitely feel the holiday stresses catching up. More and more I find myself just vegetating away after work in the little time that seems to be left, playing a game on the iPad to relax and just “Be”. A game that requires no concentration while drowning out all noise as I play it in silent mode. The rest is filled with reading (my main read has been mailed off to be autographed and I’m waiting patiently for its return), when I’m not writing or another creative outlet to allow my mind to dangle carefree with not a single thought in mind. I had every intention to write this morning but my mind seems to be a bit foggy as it is resting up for another day of retail madness hahaha. I find myself sliding more and more towards the majority of people asking “Is it over yet?” and it truly makes me sad. It takes away from the true meaning of a time that should be filled with magic and wonder. I’m sure many people feel like this as the stresses mount and I hope you find time to pause and do something that allows your soul to marvel. Heck, I hope I do so myself. I feel like I’m sleeping my life away right now as I try to rest enough to stay healthy and make it through another day.
Another favorite outlet is music and art for me, which I often combine. Listening to music while creating something that is one of a kind is very soothing and feeds my ever growing need to create. It actually ties into one of the stages of spiritual awakening which will be the next chapter I write.

My paintings are fed by intuition and the events that happen in my life. Therefore they often become very personal to me as they remind me and resemble a certain time of my life. 

Here is an unfinished painting I started awhile back before I first stumbled across the article about spiritual awakening. It’s a bit creepy and you can see the similarities in my painting and the picture of the article, even though I had never seen it before. The Rays coming from the head, perhaps energy fields, waking up…..I’m not sure how my mind painted something I had never seen, something I would stumble across at a later time. You can imagine my astonishment and surprise as I saw the article. It looked strangely familiar, but I couldn’t place it at first until I saw my unfinished painting sitting in the corner, resembling those same lines emitting from the person. ??????

Creepy? What do you think….? Was my mind and subconscious trying to show me something? Divine intervention perhaps? A nudge from the divine universe?

The picture from the article I read…..

My unfinished painting….notice the lines and eyes closed in both pictures as if taking in a greater meaning, awareness, a spiritual awakening of the mind.

Baby it’s cold outside

View of Emerald Bay and Fannette Island
I have to admit feeling a bit spoiled earlier this week as the temperatures reached a balmy 62 degrees. Almost warm enough to sunbath (another joke amongst friends). Of course it didn’t last and it was just a distant reminder of warmer months that passed as another winter storm ripped through the “Biggest little city in the world” (Reno, NV) yesterday. While the Sierra Nevada’s added to their snow pack, little Elf’s were rushing around in the valley to conduct their Christmas shopping. Unfortunately they had little time and patience to take precautions in regards to the deteriorating road conditions which caused numerous accidents. By the time I left work late last night my car was spotted in appearance with frozen water droplets that reminded me of a leopard. The drops stood out, raised and white in color against the charcoal gray paint as I stood in front of my temporary disguised vehicle. It looked pretty but I knew it was a sign of dangerous driving conditions ahead. It had snowed, then rain mixed with snow and the parking lot was reflecting the streets lights in a shimmering, slippery sheet of ice. The temperatures plummeted to a freezing 16 degrees, much different than the other day, but luckily the freeway was mostly clear and I made it home safe. Not much has changed this morning and it’s only 19 degrees outside, but the sun is shining which makes all the difference. I pulled the curtains way back to allow the Rays to penetrate deep inside the house and cast golden glows onto everything within their reach. Magic….and as a warrior of the light I’m taking time to notice and reflect in a moment of silence. It may be cold outside but it looks perfectly peaceful and calm. Many would think it’s not good weather to be outside, but as long as there is no icy wind whipping me in the face, (it always gives me a headache), I know I would bundle up and you’ll find me outside. But I’m off to work later on today and I will have to postpone this adventure for another time. There is something magical playing in the snow and you may even work up a sweat if you are snowshoeing. A great workout in itself, beautiful and peaceful. 

Today, I remember this beautiful spot just over the mountain range of where I live. Emerald Bay at Lake Tahoe. I came across an article this morning in which was mentioned that Lake Tahoe has returned to its natural rim / fill capacity. Recent storms in the Sierra have added 8,690,131,707 gallons of water to the lake in just two days. It’s hard to wrap your brain around how much water has fallen from the sky. Buckets and buckets full of it, spreading across the land, restoring lake and reservoir levels to its natural beauty, while burying the landscape under a deep snow pack that will feed lakes, rivers and waterfalls for months to come.

“The lake” as I call it for short, remains a busy tourist spot that can get crowded during the summer months, but gains more tranquility and peace for me during the winter when vacations slow down. The road around Emerald Bay is closed from time to time, storm permitting. It’s a great time to snow shoe and marvel in it’s beauty for however long you want, without ever having to take your eyes of the road as you pass through in the car. The contrast of the snow and one of the bluest blue waters that I have seen, is truly something to behold. We always say that it never gets old, no matter how many times you have visited “The Lake”. It holds a different kind of beauty during all seasons and new things beckon to be discovered. More times than none I find myself in awe of the beauty laid out in front of me. Pausing at a spot that inspires, I gaze upon it in silence, scanning every little detail of magic. I lose track of time and when I finally return from my magic escape, it is usually with a deep sigh of appreciation and gratitude that seals this very moment. I smile and know that a lasting memory was just created. 

Spiritual awakening – Stage 4

Stage 4 in my journey was “Seeking to understand” and I definitely knew something had changed within. I was on to something, I just didn’t know what. Life felt enriched in many ways and yet I couldn’t put my finger on it to explain how so. Besides, there was also confusion when hunches materialized. It felt as if I had experienced something before, and yet I knew all too well that I had never been in those situations before. My perception had shifted and I felt more aware of everything around me. I had questions, but more so I felt strangely at ease and contend with how life was progressing.Stage 4 was described as seeing magic in the mundane and I remember straightening the sales floor one evening, preparing the store for the next shopping day. Not exactly a job that required a lot of brains and it was definitively different from what I was used to while running my own store. It was a non challenging task, a part of my job that could feel downright boring and mundane. There was nothing liberating about completing this task, it was simply just work, a means to pass the time, making a living and it was lacking a feeling of accomplishment. The job got done, but it held little significance to me, even though it was a task that couldn’t be compromised and had to be completed. Something happened that particular night and I remembered the movie “Night at the museum” with Ben Stiller guarding all the treasures inside the museum. Strangely I identified with this role as if it was up to me, the closing manager, to return all the toys to their rightful spot since they had gotten lost throughout the day. And just like that there was “Magic in the mundane”. A make believe fairytale, a land far away with all the toys coming to life long after everybody was gone. Of course that wouldn’t happen in reality but magic is reality to the one who believes and sees magic all around. And if not so then it was definitely the beginning of me going crazy haha. 
Some typical event of this stage to be experienced were: 
The thirst for spiritual knowledge – I found myself spending less time on social media, especially Facebook. Pinterest continued to be my best friend, flashing new pins at me that corresponded and tied in with prior saved ones, promoting my thirsting knowledge to grow even more.
Voracious reading – was an active part in my discovery and I realized that the stages I had experienced so far where much more than a phase. It wasn’t something that I completed and had moved on from, but it was something that was here to stay and to be experienced over and over. Something to add to my repertoire that enriched my soul and was here to stay with me forever. 

New books were flooding my home in the quest to learn more, seeking to understand. They were books connected to the soul, self help, the words of others who had experienced what I was going through and even a book talking about conversations with God. It was also a time I stumbled across Buddhism and Hinduism which I related to in many ways and felt connected.
It was a time said that you might seek like minded individual to share your findings – I was still a bit reluctant to share my experiences, in part due to not fully understanding them myself. I knew that it was during this phase that it must have felt to friends and family as if I had vanished off the planet. I didn’t keep up with connections as much as I should have been, or should I had? In prior times, everybody always came before me. It wasn’t that I became selfish overnight, but I was going through something, something I couldn’t explain just yet. I was on a journey to either find myself or return back home to myself and to who I was meant to be. I had felt lost for a long time and it was time to take care of myself for once. How was I going to explain that to anybody? I knew there was no way that I could have articulated that one, nevertheless trying to share it with somebody in the hopes that they could relate and understand what I was talking about. 
It was also mentioned that you might seek physic readings or attend a workshop. Although intriguing, I never did. Yet, that was and I say “Never say never”. As of now there are no plans to do so, but if one crosses my path at the right time, I can see it to be very possible that I will indulge. 
Another event could be traveling to sacred places such as Sedona, Stonehenge or Machu Picchu. My experience with such will require a separate post as there is so much to be said. 
And last but not least was seeking your true purpose. Something that could be experienced through really any stage. It’s another big one, one that makes me wonder how you might feel about this and if you have ever wondered about your purpose here on earth? Is there something that we are meant to do, and how do we know if and when we are doing it? For me it was and continues to be something that is connected to my core, my soul, something I feel deep inside. Something that is hard to explain but what is filled with the gratitude of being allowed to make a difference, or at least trying to do so and being able to see the bigger picture through increased intuition. The effort and desire to give it my best shot. It’s something that bestows the gift of awareness, letting me take it all in without taking anything for granted and finding joy in the simple things of life. The little things that often become the big things in life. Finding magic in the mundane and the strength to pursue and change my stars as I see them fit. It’s something that gives me the patience to endure by knowing that everything is how it is meant to be, even though there are big changes ahead in my immediate future. So the statement of “Hang in there” or “Everything will be ok” is out of place here and everything is already the way it is meant to be. If it has not progressed further, it is merely because another lesson needs to be learned to make the victory even sweeter. 
Typical emotions experienced during this phase are joy and exhilaration. I didn’t know how to articulate what had changed but I was happy that it did and I marveled in the feeling of bliss. Life had just become a little easier, maybe even a bit more enjoyable and the mundane tasks weren’t all that bad after all. 

There was also said to be impatience, a feeling that was described as not being able to learn fast enough. I was hungry and I had a yearning for knowledge, that was for sure. Sometimes it caused me to dabble in multiple books at the same time, but I wouldn’t label it as impatience. 
Xoxoxo ❤️

Divine Intervention

Yesterday it came to mind that I have been on a little health kick since I started to see the “Tooth – Fairy”. It’s been over 3 weeks and I noticed an increased interest and a growing commitment to the health of my teeth and oral cavity. It started with me finally taking the first step of overcoming my fear of the dentist, which ultimately inspired additional information to stream in. This was achieved by doing little to no further research of my own and it was something that just so happened.What I mean with that, is that articles where popping up here and there, varying from extensive information to short tidbits. As my curiosity was sparked, I wondered why it was now that all of a sudden this information was pouring in? Did I noticed it because of my increased awareness, still reliving stage 3 in my “Journey of discovery“, or was I just over analyzing everything? Lately, I have been so committed to seeing the signs, hoping not to miss any clues that I was not sure either way, but it felt right to go with whatever the reason might have been. The choice that spoke to my heart was that I would rather be over aware, than to miss a sign.

Some off the information I found was talking about the health of your mouth and tongue in connection to the rest of your body. It was said that the tongue is connected to your organs, therefore making it essentially a vital contributor to your overall health. Even though I considered myself lucky and had no major problems (besides the broken tooth from eating popcorn), I couldn’t help but wonder if me dodging the dentist for so many years posed a connection to my rheumatoid arthritis. There was a possibility, a hunch I couldn’t explain or prove, but somehow believed. I might never know but found it important enough to finally have done my part, the part that was within my control. I was on my way the moment I decided to make a change and see the dentist. I felt strangely ok and at ease with it, as if I was released from all previous fear and anxiety. The health benefit realization came afterwards though and the motivating factor initially was to take advantage of my insurance benefits and to finally take care of a subject that visited me with increased frequency. With all the changes in my near future, worrying about my teeth had no place in it and I knew it.

The next piece of information I came across was a article from a fellow blogger. I had heard of “Oil pulling” before, but the information never seriously resonated with me. I might have glanced at it before or briefly heard about it, but I never gave it any further consideration. Somehow this time was different and my curiosity grew as she was explaining some of the benefits she had noticed within a week. I have to believe it was another nudge from the divine universe, steering me into the right direction and the path I needed to be on.

The benefits of oil pulling sounded amazing and it was described to detoxify and clean your mouth in a way as dish soap cleans your dishes. Literally sucking toxins out of your mouth, creating a healthy environment and helping prevent disease throughout the body. This was big for me, do what was there to loose from giving it a try?

It didn’t take much convincing to give the procedure around for centuries a try. Oil pulling is a method used in India, which was invented long before the first toothbrush was introduced in the 1930’s. I have done it four times by now and adjusted it to my specific needs. The time ranges from a 10 minute minimum to a 20 minute max. I have used coconut oil, which is described as the best and I usually use one table spoon right out of the jar. At first it feels a little like chewing up solid fat but there is really no taste to it and the secret lies in that “Less is more”. Your mouth will fill up when the substance liquidizes and mixes with your own saliva, so my advice would be that you don’t take a heaping teaspoon full of it and start with less. Once you have done it a few times, you can customize and adjust the amount as well as length of time to you and the size of your mouth / oral cavity. There is no need to squish it around hard or vigorously and a gentle motion will prevent your jaws from getting tired. One more thing to consider after your time is up, is that you spit your oil mixture into the trash to safe your plumbing and prevent pipes from getting clogged. Brush as usual afterwards.

Somehow I am convinced of all the benefits and have become a quick fan of oil pulling. I have committed to executing the procedure at least 3-4 times a week and it is something that you want to do first thing in the morning before eating or drinking anything. After the initial two times, I could almost swear that I have seen a difference in my teeth getting brighter. Although I’m an optimist, easily believing in the positive and everything good, I did wonder if I am just imagining that my teeth have become whiter because I knew it to be one of the described benefits? Would I have noticed if I didn’t read about it? I’m mainly skeptical due to the short period that I have been doing my oil pulling, (what a strange term and it should be called oil pushing, since you force the oil to squish around in your mouth vs. pulling or sucking it in and out between your teeth), so I guess I need to go a little longer to get my final proof. My teeth feel as if they are cleaner which must stem from the oil providing a coating, a certain slickness to my teeth. It’s a smooth, clean sensation that lasts from one brushing to the next. It is also said that your skin will become brighter and smoother. Brighter skin and a whiter smile are signs of a more youthful appearance and in a way it feels that besides reaping the benefits, I am also reinventing myself a bit. Not a bad thing I say with a smile of gratefulness.

I hope your curiosity is sparked and you might consider giving oil pulling a try. I would love to hear your thoughts on this and how it has made a difference for you.

Spiritual awakening – Stage 3

Stage 3 in the process of spiritual awakening is “The journey of discovery”. It was and continues to be by far one of the biggest stages for me. As I continue to write about my journey, I know will link back to is post when I write about the various examples I was lucky to experience. It would become an endless post at this point and I think you will relate to it better in shorter bits of information. It reminds me a little of the phrase that you are never done with your learning in life. It’s ongoing and new events are added as your field of awareness expands and new information streams in. You simply experience different levels of being awake as your life unfolds in front of you. Your curiosity grows and you can no longer deny or dismiss what is going on, even though you are not quiet sure of what it is you are experiencing.
Some events experienced during this stage could include synchronicities, otherwise called coincidences of a divine source that is knocking on your door. Depending on the stage of your awakening, you might dismiss these signs as mere coincidences or you become more aware of these divine nudges that can vary in intensity. They often manifest in unique ways we can’t explain but which leave us astonished and surprised. It may even be the beginning of believing in the magic of it all. It was for me and it was also the beginning of my surrender.
Synchronicities or coincidences can include:

Have you ever come across a quote at the perfect time?

Has somebody entered your life at a specific time to enrich it and fuel your purpose? You may not know it at the time and you might not understand the connection you feel for that person, but people enter your life for a reason and nothing is a coincidence or accident. It’s divine intervention at its best.

Have you ever run into somebody you know unexpected, maybe in the least unlikeliest of places?

Has somebody called you out of the blue or you reconnected with somebody after many years?
Take a moment and pause, listen to what is being said and figure out what it is you are suppose to learn.
Coincidence or divine nudges? I have read that when you experience these synchronicities, it is the inner workings of your soul showing up in your outside physical world.

Hocus – Pokus you might think, but the more you listen and believe in the events of this divine source, the more likely it is that they will multiple in your life. You see, I believe that life if trying to show us miracles at all times, but it is up to us to simply notice and even more so – act upon them.
You might also experience premonitions and hunches coming true.

Prophetic dreams and visions can be another sign where you see and hear things others don’t.
I don’t remember prophetic dreams and visions as I seldom remember my dreams, but all other signs were experienced in varying degrees. I often had hunches as if I had experienced something before, even though I never had. There was a strange sense of familiarity, and it was that very feeling that helped me remain calm, trusting the universe to guide me. I had tons of coincidences which still happen today and today I am a believer. These synchronicities tie into my previous posts called the “Journey of my warrior” and “A series of non-coincidental events” which now make perfect sense.
Emotions experienced during this stage were said to be:
Thrills and chills: An uneasy or uncomfortable feeling each time you connected with the spirit realm. I didn’t experienced this too much and I think it was due to being in a surrendering mode, a process of being guided vs, resisting what was happening. As previously mentioned it wasn’t necessarily something I understood at the time as it required “The journey of discovery”.

Isolation: Not knowing where to turn and feeling uncomfortable sharing your experiences with friends and family. I kept mainly to myself before I gained enough knowledge and understanding to share it.
It remains to be a topic that can make others uncomfortable, perhaps it comes across as foreign, something that is hard to relate to and has to be experienced and gain some insight from the outside. Timing is everything, and it is crucial with so many things in life. This was no different. Summarizing this stage I would say that you have to be ready and it can’t be forced. There is not much you can do besides being in control of your mindset. The experiences of your life shape your path of when and how you wake up, but it is you who is in control of choosing your frame of mind. Whether you chose to be a optimist or a pessimist? Whether you struggle or surrender? Whether you let life enrich you or be defined?

You decide as it is your life to live. The choice is personal and determined by your own personal path. It doesn’t have to fit others and fit in with their choices. Your life is as unique to you as you are unique amongst millions, so don’t be afraid of fitting in.

Because…..In the end, one thing is for certain and that is that nobody can live your life but YOU? ❤️

A wish for you…

The holidays are in full swing as we hurry ourselves preparing for the festivities. 

Writing Christmas cards, filling up packages to send on a journey far away, time is running short and is filled with deadlines that beckon to be meet. 

One more trip to the post office and my greetings will be on the way. 

There is no time to write this weekend and I have to say that I miss it but will continue stage 3 in my spiritual awakening series next week. 

Here is a wish for you if you find yourself rushing around to complete your deadlines. May you never forget the miracle of Christmas and it’s true meaning. May you find peace and serenity in your day and a time to reflect on what is important in your life. May you find calm, compassion and love during this season that is filled with warmth’s and the joy of giving . And finally, may you see the magic that is all around you through the eyes of a child. 

Xoxoxoxo ❤️

“Reflect”

Spiritual awakening – Stage 2

The second stage was described as “A shift in perception”. The beginning of seeing things differently which would ultimately alter the perception of your life. This could include:

• Questioning the Status Quo
• Job dissatisfaction
• Relationship issues
• Longing for a soulmate
• Desire to move / change of scenery

The typical emotions felt during this stage were discomfort. A feeling that your life no longer fits you. Once again I was relating to the words somebody else had written and felt as if so, they were written exclusively for me. There was no doubt that I had begun to question the Status Quo of everything. I no longer felt my achievements to be fitting and my questions often involved something like “Is this it” and “Is this what it’s all about”. It couldn’t have been and there had to be more to life was always the outcome of those thoughts. Without a doubt something had awakened and I had questions galore. I refused to settle into something that my heart wasn’t sold on and so the The quest for more  began.

I look back to this stage as the beginning of my observation period. Not only did it ring true for me and my own behaviors, but I also found truth in the ones of which I found the majority of others conforming in. I often wondered if people were experiencing similar issues and I questioned why so many seemed to settle into going with the flow. I’m curios if this presents an easier path, but personally I see it as a path that would require me to stray from who I am. It was something I wasn’t willing to compromise any longer. I was on a journey of finding myself instead of losing myself. I had strayed for too long and a change was upon me. I know that we all have to decide for ourselves and there is no right or wrong whether you go with the flow or swim upstream. I thought of my own choice and knew that I was going against the flow and the values/beliefs that I had grown up with. They were still important, but also resembled the values and beliefs of somebody else and it was time to find my own truths. Time to polish my own individuality as the transformation had begun. I had no clue of this at the time and reiterate again that those “A-Ha” moments all happened in hindsight.

Further my job was no longer a fit. Despite the success I had achieved being a foreigner in my second home country, it also came with a huge price tag. A sacrifice I no longer was willing to pay. I needed a change of scenery. I knew that I had achieved everything I set out to do and once more it was while pursuing the values and beliefs of others which weren’t necessarily my own. The “Stuff” I had worked so hard for, was something I was still grateful for and I felt that I had put blood, sweat and tears into it, but it was also stuff that was burdening me down with responsibilities and obligations. Another first and the beginning of my realization that “Less is more”.

I won’t even talk about the relationship issues which I had questioned for quiet some time and which had spanned over a decade. Everything was contributing to this stage and my shift in perception. I was no longer willing to continue in the same fashion and accept the things I struggled with as a normal part of life. This was not going to be a permanent part, a part that was here to stay and I knew that one day I would look back at it as a phase in the transformation of becoming the best version of myself.

It was said that the typical emotions during this stage were discomfort and the feeling that your life was no longer a fit. Confusion and a lack of understanding was a normal emotion to be experienced during this stage and so it was for me. I knew something was different and I knew something had shifted. I just didn’t know what, when it happened and why it happened. Was I going through midlife crisis? The thought did cross my mind a few times but only led to more analysis and questions which is an entirely different post. I remember this stage holding little discomfort for me. Yes, there was confusion but I wasn’t resisting with what seemed to unfold in front of me. It was as if I had already surrendered to the process. I think it was an important step in my journey instead of fighting it all. Sometimes you just have to step back and let life unfold without interfering. You have to remain a “Warrior instead of becoming a Worrier” and trust that everything will be ok. This was one of those times. Somehow I managed to do this without being aware of doing anything different and special. I can only credit it to not fighting the universe that was guiding me at the time and I guess in that sense I did go with the flow.

I didn’t have all the answers, nor do I have them today. I didn’t know what was happening or how to understand it, but somehow I didn’t need to. Soon I would find the article that explained everything and which would confirm that I wasn’t going crazy just yet.

Most  of all I wasn’t alone and others knew exactly what it was that I was experiencing.

This little video reminds me of this stage…the transformation period of becoming the best version of yourself and most of all the quest in challenging the “Status Quo”. It’s a reminder that everything is possible and that you should be in no competition other than yourself. I hope you enjoy….

Spiritual awakening – Stage 1

“The transformation begins”

As I mentioned before it was Pinterest that steered me into the direction of spiritual awakening. You might wonder what exactly it means to be spiritually aware, awake and enlightened. Don’t you walk around with your eyes wide open every day and if so well then you are definitely not asleep, right? What could be missing? I had the same questions and it remains something that is somewhat difficult to answer. I think that the timing has to be right for you to believe and to see the signs the universe is throwing you. I like to say it’s made more of the things that you just feel, a instinct, a gut feeling, maybe a hunch. And even when you do feel it, you won’t know what it is, which stage you are going through, let alone that you realize that you are going through a stage or a phase. None will make any sense as it is new information and you are learning it for the very first time. Perhaps it’s a discontent you have felt, something you want to change in your life, maybe you have questions that have gone unanswered, until now. To say the least my curiosity was sparked as I first embarked on the first message and my hunger grew to learn more about this mysterious subject. I kept most of it to myself and shared very little of what I was exploring. How could I explain it to others if I couldn’t even explain it to myself. Many times I thought people would for sure think that I had gone crazy, not that I really cared all that much about what others thought of me. I had learned a long time ago that people will always have an opinion one way or another, whether you do something or not and even if you do it perfectly. Sometimes you merely get caught in the crossfire and have to accept things how they are. If you can, you will feel less burdened and may even be healthier and happier for sure.

One article exclaimed that there were 7 stages to spiritual awakening and that a person could go through any given step at any given time without any particular order. The process is different for everybody as we all awaken in our own way, so this is really where the tricky part comes in as there is not a one fits all process. From person to person we interpret and feel things in a different way and it was said that some people may even skip a few stages where others yet repeat a few stages to solidify the lesson until it is learned.

I still think that the first stage is vital and sets the course for all the other stages to follow while it remains unclear to me if the first stage could ever be skipped.
Stage 1 The Catalyst
The Catalyst is described as a life change, a paradigm shifting event that shakes and jolts you awake. Some people may need several of these catalysts which are said to be gentler after the first strong jolt. They weren’t in my case but I did require quiet a few to finally wake me up. I think the first big one was my fathers death, but I was only ten years old. And while I knew back then that life would never be the same again, I understand now that I couldn’t have had many plans and experiences at such a tender age that would have wanted me to completely change my life around! I simply was too young to understand, I didn’t know, but I still believe it was a vital event that shaped my life and my future that was to come.

The miscarriages were catalysts further forging my path. And there were a few others of which I am not sure if I could ever sort them into a gentler category. Being torn between two countries, being diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis which almost left me crippled for awhile in excruciating pain and the fear that it would rob me of my life, a failed marriage and the estranged mother / daughter relationship that had brought me much guilt over the years. Maybe I had learned to live with most of those things, maybe I had accepted them over time and they were no longer catalysts at all. I don’t know for sure but I believe that everything that happens in our lives is here to guide us onto the path we were meant to take. So ultimately I have to believe that these things are a part of my journey.

The next jolt came as Sparky did not make it home after a vet visit and the aftershock of having to say goodbye. The final catalyst came 2 1/2 years ago as Nikki crossed the Rainbow bridge. I never recovered from that one and it shook me to my core. There was no way I could sleep through that one and it was then that I found myself in the early stage of waking up. Nobody ever said that it was suppose to be beautiful and it was better be explained as very painful, life altering, a life changing event, a shift, catalyst and jolt that was character building but not to be ignored.
Some example events / jolts can include:
A near death experience,

Loss of any kind,

A life threatening illness,

Depression,

But also meeting your soulmate
Further it was suggested that spirit visitations could also be a part of it. This last one truly made me pause and think. It wasn’t that I had experienced any ghosts, aliens or other spirit visits, but how did I know and how could I make such a statement! How exactly did a spirit look like, would it take on a human form to sit here and chill with me, having a conversation as if it was the most natural of things? I was thinking back to the Spirit Animals that I had encountered, the sightings and the incidents in nature that remained mostly unexplained. Could it have been?
The summary of the emotions experienced during this first stage were:
Fear,

Shock,

Disbelief,

Not understanding what was going on,

Awe,

And the difficulty grasping that it happened to begin with.
I definitely could relate and without a doubt I knew that I had experienced stage 1 in the process of spiritual awakening. I’m still curious and wonder how many others experience similar instances. For myself, many questions were answered and the article even though it was read in hindsight and might have not guided me at the time, it still shed a lot of light. It brought explanations and clarity to me during a time I felt alone and confused with the feelings I couldn’t articulate and share with others. I look back to these painful catalysts and I have learned to embrace them. I don’t hold any bitterness as these painful thresholds are nothing more than a push towards a life that is enriched and lived to the fullest. A life with my eyes wide open and my senses heightened to take in all of what truly matters, in all of it’s glory and all of it’s beauty.

How could I ever be bitter about that?