Posted in Anxiety, Life, Troubles

Lypophrenia

(n) A vague feeling of sadness or sorrow, seemingly without cause.

I got to experience this word last week for some unknown reason. Well maybe the reason is not that unknown, but still it surprised me. Perhaps I had assumed that with all the personal growth over the months, the breakthroughs and achievements, times like these would be less, but in fact they aren’t. I know that they will always play a part in our lives, and sometimes the weight of our troubles just overwhelms, regardless of how armed we are with wisdom and knowledge. Sometimes we just can’t find our way out of it despite of recognizing that these worries are fear driven. We try to let these events pass without resistance and some days we are more successful than others. For myself I have found that a sense of Lypophrenia finds me when I’m dealing with too many events at the same time. At the moment I could name at least 6 events that are major in my life and I can only assume that everyone and everything has its breaking point. Each issue is different, each complex, carrying much pain and hardship. So after all it’s no surprise or unknown as to why I felt the way I did, but awareness is helping me to come out of it, to once more deal with one issues at a time, the best that I can.

Posted in Anxiety, Life, Lonliness

The many shades of loneliness

Picture taken from google

There are many shades of loneliness and I felt one just yesterday. Out of the blue it snug up on me, and I am yet to discover the reason and what actually brought it on. Sadness swept through my body for no apparent reason and without some major occurrence that would explain why. Perhaps I held it together and it’s something that happened earlier, a few days ago, a year ago, just now revealing itself. Perhaps it is now that I am ready and prepared to deal with it, while no longer denying it’s existence. Perhaps it is now that I can finally face the music and no longer deny the inevitable that was always meant to be. Perhaps it’s time to see and understand it in all it’s complexity and details. Am I ready to see it for what it truly is? Has the ego that induces hurt feelings and foolish pride completely stepped to the side, or is it just a trap. What’s to be lost, sitting here, alone, with myself, lost in this shade of loneliness! Nothing, not anymore.

Carl Jung quoted it and said that loneliness does not come from having no people around, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.

This is the most powerful statement I have read in awhile, and it sums it up to the T. How many times have I felt this way. Surrounded and yet lonely. It makes me realize that I have been stuck in this shade of loneliness for quite some time, and yet it’s something I have no control over. I don’t want to fit the cookie cutter norm just like everyone else but it comes with a price.

I am that weirdo, the different and complicated one. The one with the unconventional mind, the misfit that did things always a little different and made waves. I am the one who loves too much, the open book that doesn’t hold back, only to reveal itself so the information can later be used against her. I am that person who has made herself a rebel in a world of convention, rules and social norms that have never fit me. I am the one with daring views, the one aways in the line of judgement and being misunderstood. It almost sounds pitiful, but it’s not and I continue to learn and accept that that’s life for me. I continue to understand that’s it’s always much easier to walk away from someone instead of putting in the work to understand views that are different than yours. I am learning to understand that it’s not my fault but really yours.

And while I embrace these qualities and can’t change them, I also realize that it can be a very lonely place at times.

And today is much better already.

Posted in Anxiety, Health

Recharging failure

They say that highly sensitive people and empathy needs to recharge daily. If they don’t, they’ll experience anger, sensory overload, physical and emotional burnout and anxiety.

Yesterday was a failed attempt to recharge for me, and the day actually turned out pretty scary and overwhelming. I look back at how lightheartedly it started, how I felt energized, well rested, feisty and ready for the day. But then a few hours later came a message and the reminder of how quickly life can change. In an instant stress took over, replacing my cheerful heart with a heavy one and worries. It just did no matter how hard I tried to hold on to that feeling of bliss.

I ended up spending hours in the hospital, lending support, just being there, perhaps taking the edge off some serious matters, and scary health concerns. Being there because I could be, to share this scary path and to put my time to recharge on the back burner. I had to and this wasn’t about me I don’t experience anger, but there is definitely anxiety that is creeping up inside of me.

Much is left unresolved and hanging in the balance, with even the saying “tomorrow is another day” being uncertain. It definitely will be another day and today I am reminded that not all of us have the privilege to see and enjoy it.

Be good to each other and don’t take your time for granted.

Posted in Anxiety, Inspiration, Life

Your biggest supporter

Have you ever wondered who your biggest supporter is? Who is your biggest fan? The one that cheers you on, gives you courage, provides you with strengths? Who allows you to feel, to perceive, to choose and to embrace? Who is your teacher in life that determines whether a lesson was learned or will repeat over and over?

I have written about anxiety before, and the need that we often feel to please in order to be accepted, and valued. We place these key elements onto our outside world, as if they were dependent on others. What would you say if I told you that they don’t depend on your surroundings? That you are your biggest supporter and that it all starts with you. Here is a little something to ponder and remember. When was the last time you were truly there for yourself? Be good to yourself because you are perfect and everything you need is already inside of you. ❤️

Your biggest supporter…

She’s no longer trying to fix herself, or improve, or repair, or transform or align.

She’s accepting herself as who she is. Too long she’s been told she should do better, be better, work harder, strive more. And too long she’s bought the idea that she’s not good enough.

Well…she’s done with trying to please that voice or authority inside and outside. “Sorry! Like me as I am” is her motto, as she hugs herself and smiles. She’s fully there for herself and is being okay with rejection and even walking away. There’s freedom in being “shame”less.

She’s surprised to discover how good she really is. Even on her baddest days, when she loves herself, it becomes all right. Wow! That’s all that was required ~ to live even those part that till now she wanted to correct and hide. She’s unlearning and untangling.

Her new avatar is relaxed and resilient. She may not readily share it yet, but with herself on her side, she’s beginning to feel invincible.

She hums more these days.

~ Sukhvinder Sircar

Posted in Anxiety, Empath, Spirituality

Qawag

You already know how hard it can be to be an empath. You already know that it can be a blessing and a curse. It can bring along great comfort and a feeling of helping others, it may give you a sense of belonging and contributing, but it can also bring anxiety and disturb your inner peace. There is no running from it and you can’t just turn it off. You hear the unspoken and you pick up on the energies around you. Sometimes I’m sure you wished not to know because there lies a comfort in the bliss of less information. Not knowing allows your world to be ok, undisturbed by worries and the actions that often have to follow. It is a delicate balance, a balance that if wanting to be achieved calls for ways to protect yourself from the negative aspects. There is much to be learned about yourself, such as which are your emotions, and which belong to others. Once determined allows you to carry great compassion, to see and guide, but to also protect yourself. You will find that there is not a one fits all process and each situation and person will be different, so try to stay flexible and adjust. Know not only the burdens of this ability, but also recognize the gift you’ve been bestowed on.

The shamanic Quechuan word for empath is “Qawaq” which means “one who sees” living energy. The Incas believe that people born with the ability to experience the energy of others have a great blessing as they are able to connect to their souls and the spirit of existence much more easily than others.

Seize your blessings. ❤️

Posted in Anxiety, Life

Paying attention

Sure you are a people pleaser and would love to get along with everyone. To be accepted without any misunderstandings and find a place to contribute and matter.

Sure your intentions are always good and caring, just not everyone always understands and sees it this way. Why not, how is it even possible that misunderstandings arise? Do you find it hard to set boundaries or simply say “No”?

I’m positive that you have struggled a time or two, feeling that no matter what you did actually mattered. That you couldn’t do anything right no matter how hard you tried.

But maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and maybe this doesn’t even have anything to do with YOU. Maybe the next time, (if it happens again) you can consider this.

Pay attention when people react with anger and hostility to your boundaries. It is not your fight, you just found the edge of where the respect for you ends.

Posted in Anxiety, Inspiration

Shower Meditation

Image from yahoo

Let’s start our week by setting some easy to follow intentions and see it all come together.

Every time you take a shower, visualize washing away your stress and anxiety. Concentrate on the feel of the water upon your skin. Envision the power of the water washing away your negative thoughts. Feel sadness, regret, anger, and depression washing right off of you. Let it all go down the drain, you’ll start feeling lighter and much more clear.

❤️🦋 have a great week

Posted in Anxiety, Empath, Soul

You beautiful, brave soul

Picture taken from Pinterest

Dear brave one,

Your heart has been broken a thousands of times. You carry the scars of the past on your beautiful body, but many are often visible only to yourself. It is your love and passion that holds you together like sticky glue and prevents you from falling apart completely. You are unique, unapologetic, a beautiful mess of perfectly imperfect perfection, a warrior and a wild child, searching for a place to breathe, a sanctuary where you can just be.

Are you asking too much you wonder? Are your dreams fueled with the desires of your passion unrealistic and too far fetched? Is it all just wishful thinking, made up of the stories that only exist in fairytales?

Let me tell you that you are perfect in every way. You are not too emotional and you are not too sensitive. The strings of your emotions are pulled by bittersweet memories. A past that has taught you many lessons, but a past that is not your future, and a past that has definitely not defined you.

I know your heart is constantly at war with all of your emotions, each one fighting to be dominant. In confusion it distorts your reality to the point where everything becomes questionable. You put forward your best foot in a fight between the ego that rules your thoughts, and the heart that begs you to take a leap of faith and just trust the process. But you are stuck on repeat in this vicious cycle that never seems to have any answers, a hamster wheel that has you coming back over and over, to peddle faster and faster to not fall off. Time passes, perhaps even years go by as you grow weary and tired. What you would give for the noise to stop, to make it all go away, but still you haven’t managed to stop feeling. You find yourself amidst the never ending circle of an empath, ruled by so many feelings and outside influences.

You know the pains of such when you pick up on the energies of others. You feel when they’re happy, sad, angry, fake, and truthful. Without a spoken word, you know when they are using you and when they are being genuine.

You are not weak. You’re gifted with the ability of heightened intuition. It is said that it can be a blessing and a curse until you learn to protect yourself and surround yourself with those that bring out the best in you and not the stress in you.

Your anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of, and you carry a load much heavier than most. It’s a reminder that you have the gift of empathy. Not many possess this rare treat because it takes a special kind of individual to be as genuinely compassionate as you are. Your kindness is your strengths, not your weakness. Your open heart is love incarnate, and one of the most beautiful things in this world. Accept your blessings and own who you are. You have a beautiful, brave soul.

Posted in Anxiety, Spiritual awakening

Finding your voice

It can take years to find your voice and your true authenticity, where you belong. I can’t help but wonder if some may never make it, because I know that the path is steep, and not for the faint of hearts. You may have heard the call to follow your true heart, but the timing was not right and something held you back. “It will pass” you told yourself, unsure of what you were feeling. But it didn’t pass, did it, and instead it grew only stronger, so strong in fact that you could no longer ignore it.

You had no clue how your new found feelings could fit into a modern day society with certain behavioral expectations that don’t always embrace “The different”. How your taught values, morales, and guidelines could align, while you were still repressing your own calling. You didn’t know how to forget everything you’ve learned in order to be reborn into your own purposeful, self fulfilling, soul being. The process was long and hard, you stood out like a sore thumb (you thought), different but unique, beautiful and strong in the eyes of your own tribe. You couldn’t see it, you just weren’t “there” yet. Unable to recognize your worth and beauty, you only saw it as a hindrance, as if something was wrong with you. You faced confusing times where you questioned everything and where you felt lost and alone. It caused sleepless nights, loneliness, many tears, wishing to be different, to be accepted, and a heaping load of anxiety that threatened to crush you. You yearned to fit in, without realizing that it would cost you your uniqueness, your own special blueprint in order to do so. A price so high that it could never bring you happiness, nor bring you closer to who you really are. You were caught in a vicious cycle that was suffocating the pretending “You” without room for the true “You”. It all became an act, losing yourself a little more with each day, to the point of anxiety and depression. But if you are reading this, then you haven’t given up and I celebrate the true warrior spirit within you, because I know it hasn’t been easy.

My wish for you is to get there, to find your true voice and to embrace it. To stay the course and never falter, to realize that you have chased the wrong ideals, and that you are beautiful in every way. You are complete. I wish you the courage to stand by your dreams, to reach for the stars when others abandon you, when the path seems lonely and hard, and to cheer on the true desires within your heart. I wish you to never forget to listen to that voice deep inside of you and that the days have passed when you ignored it. To make a conscious choice to no longer dismiss the call out of fear of what others might think, and to recognize it as your true soul path. My wish for you is to find the strength to get up more times than you have fallen and to always view your glass as half full. To remember the silver lining in every adverse situation and to see the lessons for growth instead of the bitterness that is caused by pain.

Your voice will be loud and clear when you decide to embrace the weird, the wild, the non conformist side of your heart that has so many traits, values, and gifts. And believe it or not, there are others just like you, gorgeous, wild, and beautiful who have walked the path before you. The choice is yours and in the end our most treasured memories always have something a little wild about them, don’t they? Remember that everything you need is already deep inside of you.

~Namaste