Posted in Energy healing, Love, Pain

The wounded Healer

Earlier this year I completed my level 1-2, Reiki master course. Since, I have taken a few other courses in energy healing, chakra tuning, and sound therapy. It’s common sense for everyone to tell you that practicing what you have learned is essential for things to bake, in other words to stick with you. Otherwise you would forget everything like you have never learned it.

From the very beginning it became apparent that I somehow adapted my own kind of healing concept. I went with the core essentials, such as scanning your own energy, connecting to source, setting the intentions, etc., but I also listened to my own intuition so I could incorporate what felt right to me. I guess you could say that I tuned in to what I was called to. What was important to me was to to use gift, what I have learned and to have the best intentions possible, while coming from a place of love.

Initially my head was too much in the logical world. Trying to remember the sequence of things, worrying about potentially forgetting a step, you name it. I was trying too hard and took it too seriously. It should be taken seriously, but there is a different sense of serious now, a different level of respect, that can only be fueled by love and compassion if you want to perform it at the highest level. The sessions given by me and the feedback received, was always powerful, and yet in hindsight I know that for myself there was something missing. Something I couldn’t have put my finger on until just recently. Now I know that I just simply wasn’t broken and wounded enough. I couldn’t have performed at that level, even though my soul already knew that I could. The mindset never even went there, because the mind wasn’t even aware of this level existing. So what changed?

I consider myself an empath, one that always had a great deal of compassion and insight for others. But that wasn’t enough I think. I have grown and I would lie if I said that the past month and Moms passing hasn’t been one of the most painful experiences one will ever endure. On an emotional pain level it is hard to categorize as there is nothing to compare it with.

I have learned at a whole different level that pain shapes us, and that something beautiful can emerge between the cracks if we allow it. The actual cracks are no scars, but beauty marks of our growth. Kind of like wrinkles and gray hair that many will despise as a nuisance and sign of getting older. Have you ever considered that it is a privilege denied to many? Our cracks are beautiful and allow your light from within to shine through.

I believe that every powerful healer has been through tremendous pain, or has to go through these experiences at some point. To be broken, falling apart, and left with a choice of how to put the pieces back together. Left behind with a decision of whether the cracks are a nuisance and bothersome, or a way to be worn proudly for they have shaped you into who you are. It takes great sorrow to appreciate happiness, darkness to see the light, and something so powerful to break you open to feel everything at a level like never before. There, in vulnerability and nakedness to the world, to the society around you, that has judged your every move, to the friends that have betrayed you and took name in ill will behind your back, right there it is time to answer…

Are you proud of who you are? Who’s drumbeat are you dancing to and do you have the courage to change your stars?

I discovered this difference in a recent healing session here in Germany. There were many subtle changes during the two hours spent, but what stands out the most is the mind stepping out of the way. It was present to observe but no longer interfered. The energy was so full of love and there were was no worry about missing a step, or wondering about what was next. We both felt it as we were overcome with these powerful emotions and deep in my heart I know that o have ascended, that I am on my way of being and embracing with love as compassion the wounded healer.

Posted in Chronic illness, Pain

Ruled by pain

As predicted from my soul sister through an earlier Ogham reading, the pain eased up by the end of April – early May. Never completely pain free and despite of it, it was like receiving precious little gifts each day, being able to function just a little better. Being able to do things I couldn’t before, when it comes to house chores, and all the struggles trying to manage even the smallest of things on a day to day basis.

It’s quite amazing what a high it can be, how it fuels your willpower, how motivated and hopeful you become. You can’t help but to believe that the worst is behind you, that things are finally looking up and that your time has come to reap the rewards of all your suffering. After all, you’ve barely managed to keep hope alive and stay positive, but did somehow because it is engrained in your DNA, it’s who you are. Nothing can go wrong now, you have risen once more. Nothing can touch you as you remember the motivations behind the fight as to why you always believe in the positive, and see the glass half full. Why you always believe in the silver lining and the lessons that come with every life experience. Life is good isn’t it? You got this and you can manage this now.

But boy, when that pain comes back around, which most likely will if you are dealing with a chronic illness, although you hoped it to be gone forever, it is simply crippling and debilitating. It’s hard to remember the positives as fear and worry creeps in as faithful companions to the misery you are experiencing. Why did it come back? You’ve believed with all your heart that you have found a way, may it be through exercise, diet, positive mind frame, manifesting your realities, or whatever else it might be. It’s hard to remember the little successes and that in spite of the reoccurring pain, you have made tremendous strides. Pain has a way of wiping it all out, only making the current count. When the pain and those moments find their way back to you, leaving behind all the good, replaced by mostly darkness, vulnerability and fear. It has happened a few times since my overall getting better and finding my way back to a hopefully perfect recovery. It is important to recognize that those are the times and tests of the scariest of all moments, when we are challenged to find something to hold on to and to remember that “This too shall pass.” Even if it lasts for more than just moments and you find yourself fighting for a few days. Believe that it can dissipate and vanish as fast as it appeared, and hold on.

Stay strong out there and know that you are not alone. Your brothers and sisters are fighting alongside with you, allowing you to lean on their shoulders when you need a moment to rest. As always, the pain cycle will ease up again, letting you fly high above the clouds again, feeling proud that you managed to get up once more.

In light and love ❤️