Posted in Human spirit, Journey, Native American, Wisdom

Wisdom for times like these

Art by Jan Oliver Schultz available for purchase at http://fineartamerica.com

Messages and signs from the animal world and spirit have always been my thing. Over the years I have honed in on my ability to hear the voice of the unspoken, the sound of silence that stirs my intuition, while trusting that something is stepping into focus that I should know about at whatever current time I find myself in. Whether I need confirmation or reassurance, insight or a little push, these signs have made a huge difference in my day to day life.

This morning one such message reached me from the council of 13 indigenous grandmothers. Not only do I feel a strong connection to Native American wisdom, but it was the number 13 that also stood out and grabbed my attention. Lucky number 13, which is coming to play a big role in my life very soon. The message spoke to my current now. A now so many of us face on our journey through the obstacles and challenges of life. Here is more….

“As you move through these changing times…be easy on yourself and be easy on one another. You are at the beginning of something new. You are learning a new way of being. You will find that you are working less in the yang modes that you are used to.

You will stop working so hard at getting from point A to point B the way you have in the past, but instead, you will spend more time experiencing yourself in the whole, and your place in it.

Instead of traveling to a goal out there, you will voyage deeper into yourself. Your mother’s grandmother knew how to do this. They knew the power of the feminine principle…and because you carry their DNA in your body, this wisdom and this way of being is within you.

Call on it. Call it up. Invite your ancestors in. As the yang based habits and the decaying institutions on our planet begin to crumble, look up. A breeze is stirring. Feel the sun on your wings.”

Posted in Human spirit, Journey, Shadow Self

Why do Shadow work?

My lil Angel, the “Cinnamon Girl” is standing in for this post about shadow work and finding the light, enjoying both, the light and the shade, depending on time and place.

I’ve talked a lot about shadow work lately and I have done quite a bit of it to be honest. You might wonder what the benefits are from doing this work that so many of us shy away from. Let’s be honest, it’s hard work, perhaps even a bit scary to confront the darkest aspect of ourselves. But what if we could ultimately gain great freedom from it and an overall lightness that makes us feel as if we are finally breathing? Would it be less scary to consider the rewards, would it make it more worthwhile? Perhaps it could allow us to truly breathe for the first time in a long long time. Here is a little more insight about shadow work and what I have come across in my own journey that is often considered a soul loss.

Many cultures throughout the beginning of time, all over the world believe in the idea that you can lose your soul. When you go through extreme trauma, your spirit will leave your body to protect itself – leaving you to run on autopilot and feeling very detached as if lost and without hope. This can also lead to depression, feeling fatigued and easily subdued by the ego.

Soul loss or shadow work is the act of searching for the light in the darkness – making sense of those old wounds, your triggers, behaviors and transforming into a balanced and spiritually evolved being that is able to harness all their inner power. Once you’ve put in the work and this happens, it is then when your soul comes back home.

More reasons to do shadow work

  • Reclaiming the parts of ourselves we’ve denied and ignored for healing.
  • By owning the parts we’ve not proud of and accepting them, we feel more whole.
  • When we are aware of something, it no longer has the same kind of power to control us.
  • Our shadow thoughts lead us to act out unless we consciously choose not to let our ego-mind lead.

I hope this list provides a little more insight and perhaps even motivation to dig into your own shadow work.

Posted in Challenges, Empowerment, Human spirit, Life

Warrior Spirit

Original painting by me, titled Warrior Princess.

Have you ever met someone that exudes a warrior spirit? Someone that seems strong, resilient and resourceful in the eye of adversity?

Truth is….

behind every warrior princess and every fighter, lies a wounded inner child who had to find their way to attain that strength. You could say that they very much earned that status d these days when I meet someone like that, I can’t help but wonder what their story is.

Those warriors have endured tragedy, loss, pain, and life changing events. Be kind when you encounter one and let them guide you as a role model. Becoming that very fighter they had to reinvent themselves, rising from the ashes over and over again.

Posted in Friendship, Healing, Human spirit

A sense of wholeness

Where do I even start with this one? Why does it still matter, now after days have passed? I don’t have to vent anymore and God knows this post has been rescheduled and rewritten a hundred times.

I think I know the answer and it stands to aid nobody but me. It serves as a learning process to dig into the deeper workings of myself. How I operate, react, feel and handle things. How I learn my lessons and ultimately mold into who I am. It brings awareness to how it all comes to be, so I can understand the process.

Be forewarned though, I have a feeling it will be a long post.

It started the beginning of the year when I got a surprise message with a New Years wish. Nothing uncommon really unless it’s from someone you really are not in contact anymore. The split was a mutual agreement, although not initiated by me, but in the end for reasons understood and I really didn’t have a choice in the matter.

I’m still figuring out if this message was a surprise, a happy one, or a message that might have set me back initially.

The message came from someone I once felt very close to, who was there during a crucial time in my life and who got me through a whole lot while I was caring for Mom. And I believe I equally got her through a few things she was dealing with. It sounds like an exchange of services. Angels that come into our life’s for a period of time before moving on again. Angels we lean on or help in their own journey. Still nothing out of the ordinary or that unusual.

Mom was very sick and while she was fighting for her life, I was by her side, fighting for her love, her acceptance – as her daughter and her willingness to accept help from me. It was a rough time and I developed a very close bond to this person on the sidelines, who would pick me up and gave me hope, strengths and motivation to see it all through.

Now months later, after no significant exchanges, this message caught me off guard, a message that perhaps in my own sense of awareness or unawareness questioned my wholeness in regards to the situation. I realized that closure wasn’t mine yet. I was still stuck on the pain of losing such connection. If I thought I was over it, I must have fooled myself.

At first it felt nice and my heart was touched by the message, leaving me with a sense of being remembered. I was grateful for the thoughts and wishes, but it soon subsided. On the flip side it brought back an emptiness and sadness. You see, I am one of these people that gives you a forever friendship once I close you into my heart. I have your back with my life, and I have a hard time walking away, even if it is mutually agreed like it was here, and the parting happens on good terms.

So here it was, one unexpected message, and everything bubbled back up. Would it have been better not to hear anything vs getting the message? I honestly can’t tell and it ended up taking me through a few emotions. In the end I got some distance from it, and by now I actually believe that it was needed. It made me face a few things. Even with this post. It was written on that day to clear my mind, and honestly it looked a bit different at first. Even longer and even more detailed, upset in parts, hurt, perhaps disappointed. In some ways not being so understanding but lashing out. Maybe that’s too harsh to call it lashing out, but it was definitely unfiltered.

I am getting off of subject here a little bit, but recently, in a different post, I was asking all versions of myself to join forces and support each other for one common goal. I believe that one of those versions made itself known to me and that a visit from my shadow self begged me to rewrite this post, to soften the hurt bits. The shadow self often represents the struggles in our life’s, carrying our burden and challenges. Leashing out and acting out of character is often referred to as a shadow self response. A moment, an initial reaction, a headed situation, a temper, perhaps the need to get back at someone, revenge and act below, beneath, the way one would normally act. All cases are reactive, something you might say or do in the heat of the moment when someone gets the better of you. Was this the case, had I allowed someone or a situation to get the better of me? I believe it was my shadow self asking me to transform the negativity and hurt into unconditional love.

Here is a little more insight why I struggled with this unexpected message.

“I’m still here, always” it said at the end. Like I got you, I haven’t left, I’m here for you if you need me, if you need to talk, or a shoulder to lean on. At least that’s how I interpreted it, and perhaps there was a time when it was what I had wished for and needed. An invitation to re-connect and like a fool I started blabbering about how much I missed our friendship, how things have not been the same, and that I still believe that there is a soul contract at work here. Yada yada and so on. Honestly I felt like a fool afterwards.

I knew that I had spoken from the heart, that I let it all out, and yet I was almost mad at myself. It must have sounded somewhat desperate. Was this the case and why did it matter? Shouldn’t I have moved on by now? Did I feel mad because of fear to sound dumb, being vulnerable, desperate, volunteering too much, being the first to say so. Surely these feelings wouldn’t stay this way forever. There had to come a time, a point of no return, a point to sever this emptiness and cut all ties in order to move on. Was I saying that this door would never close? My jibber jabber indicated that I’d be here forever, and so what if I was? But that wasn’t the case, was it? I knew that in reality with each passing day the separation only deepened. Maybe I was frantic about it without being conscious of it, fearing this point would be beyond my reach? I was still holding on to a possibility, the endless believer, dreamer, silver lining, supporting positive outcomes person that I am.

Well, after a brief exchange in regards to the message, it ended up not being an invitation to re-connect. It was just a simple, “innocent” wish for the new year. That’s what I was told, but on my end it wasn’t all that simple. It came after weeks and weeks of silence. After a silent Christmas and throughout personal challenges that could have really used someone to “still be there.”

I realize that I’m viewing this thing from all angles, that I am dissecting it into a thousand possibilities, asking the W questions of what if. I am over analyzing it, but in a way I need to, to understand even if no answers can be found. I was contemplating the why now, why was it important to say “happy New Years.” What was it about? Just a spontaneous moment?

It took me back to where we left off, confused, brain washed and unable to rely on my intuition, frantically trying to justify myself, setting the record straight in a desperate attempt to be heard and not falsely accused. Why would I even want that back? The message felt like casting a lure to test the waters and to see what the overall feel was. Was I still there too? And I guess I was, and boy did I ever volunteer the feel of the situation. This paragraph still holds some of the shadow self energy but it is the truth and perhaps will stand as a reason as to why we will never connect again. It would be too much to realize this for you.

If nothing else, it became obvious of how vulnerable the subject still is, how much hope there still was, and how much I still mourned a connection that used to complete my sentences. A connection that truly “got” me. Which always gave me a sense of being understood. I miss this kind of connection and friendship, the sisterhood, the weird tribe that get’s you, the silent language that is confirmed with a smile of knowing that no one else catches. The sincere connection that can exist without any selfish motto’s or what is to gain and in it for oneself. Those are rare and increasingly harder to find.

After responding to the New Years greeting, I learned that we can only meet in the energetic, where it is safe, where neither can harm the other or say something that may be perceived wrong. In the energetic only, where everything is perfect. Where we can create our own outcome to soothe and comfort our minds. I know it’s not that simple and what is revealed to us during those times is so much more, and has little to do with make believe, but still??? It’s a place where no conversations take place, at least not in the physical sense, where one can ask for advice or lean on the other, feeling the benefit and support of such a friendship and soul connection. Could I get to that point of letting this be all, letting it be enough, to fill me completely? Could I envision a hug in the energetic to become more important then a real life hug? It seemed far fetched for me and since I do live in the physical world, I also crave a physical hug/contact. Maybe down the road, some day maybe. Exactly what you said, and while I am one to mostly go with the flow, I’m not sure how I feel about this one. The point of no return dark cloud lingers over me as I think about this.

We have moved from a close friendship to a soul connection only. To answer my above question, it’s not enough for me to be honest. Maybe this kind of connection is the hardest to find and perhaps I should feel blessed. Yet I need more, but what I don’t need is “perfect.” I am not afraid to make mistakes and I don’t place “perfect” expectations on someone. What I need is “real,” where real people do their best, have no intentions of harming the other one, where people will make mistakes along the way, unintentionally, while the other trusts this to be true. I know we both needed more, in different ways and there is much more that could be said, but I’ll leave it here.

This is my question for you…

How can you tell someone I’m still here, always, but only in the energetic sense? I know the answer and you would say to heal, to protect ourselves throughout the process. I feel I should be grateful to know someone who is holding space for me. Being an energy healer myself, I understand the power of the energetic world and it is a beautiful and healing place. I visit it frequently myself, and many of you have been a part of it during my weekly reiki healing sessions.

I guess what I struggle with is the need for perfection and the fear of disappointment. I can’t compete with that, nor can I live with the burden of messing up, of bursting someone’s expectations of me. Of crushing the illusionary image of myself. It’s a non winning battle. I can only be myself but have no control over the perception of someone else. It’s a ticking time bomb when we place expectations onto others and it becomes and unmeasurable burden. It’s a lost case when we don’t give them a chance, or accept them for who they are. Out of fear it turns into control, a defense mechanism to protect oneself at any cost. Even that I understand, but help can only be given during complete surrender and no expectation. During trust and vulnerability.

Today, I am revisiting my sense of wholeness and what it takes to move on. It takes letting go and respecting individual choices, allowing things to be as they are, being and embracing others for who they are, their motives and reasons. It means embracing that beliefs will differ. To let go of an illusion, a wish, the hope and a dream that is one sided and cannot be returned nor shared.

Today I remind myself of my potential, a sense of wholeness and a continuation to heal in whatever way and form one might choose. I am letting go in the physical sense knowing that if there is a need, I can always connect in the energetic. So be it…

This quote comes to mind

“A sense of wholeness can arise when we embrace all the aspects of who we are instead of denying those “selves” that we might find impractical, embarrassing, or intimidating. The ancient symbol of the ouroboros, a snake swallowing it’s tail, reminds us of our potential.”

~Carl Greer

You have always been fond of snake energy and I have always feared it, not in the symbolic sense but in the physical sense, getting hurt by a snake a few years ago. It’s quite symbolic for me now and I guess there it is, isn’t it. All of a sudden it makes a lot of sense and I am not mad in the least for I have gained much more than I have lost. I am not ashamed of putting my honest feelings out there, of making a fool of myself, fighting for a friendship and everything else I once held dear. I will never regret crossing paths with you and in my book you are still as amazing and powerful as ever. A goddess, a shining light, a gentle and beautiful soul that has endured pains she should never had to. I hope you believe in yourself and find a place in the real world as well while you are still fulfilling this journey of your soul in the physical. I think you are well on to it way, and perhaps my lesson was finally learned. 🙏🏼

Posted in Adventure, Human spirit, Life

Stairway to heaven – PT 2

PT 1

One false summit after another, the non existing trail was rising relentlessly and without mercy once the climb had started. The first mile took us through a meadow, along the giant granite Dome, and the occasional but manageable incline. This was behind us now and the remainder to the lake would be steep, steep, and even steeper. Is that a word? Anyhow, it was a smooth and slippery incline that wasn’t going to let up. The terrain got rockier as we passed bolder fields and moonlike landscapes. Desert varnish streaks, indicating where seasonal waterfalls had run over the smooth granite, polishing it to it’s smooth surface.

Boulders were a natural part of the landscape. At times it was a single rock making it’s path down the mountain until the final resting place. Other times they came in clusters, even a field. Glacial erratics, once buried under thick ice, now revealed due to giant glaciers long gone. Leaving behind a new picture, a new landscape carved over time. It was incredible to imagine what this landscape must have looked like. Surely only the highest tips of the mountains were visible while the rest slumbered under the ice.

At one point, I was huffing and puffing across the steep incline in a sideways motion as if maneuvering invisible switchbacks. It was simply too steep to go straight up. Ankles were twisted, trying to find a good grip, and it was there that the question raised whether we should turn around. It was hot and I was struggling. Air was hard to come by and I had an elevation headache. I could feel my pulse pounding in the back of my neck, and lost track of many times I’d already overcame the desire to quit. “No, not now, look how far you have come, you’re not a quitter, where is your warrior spirit, you know you will never forgive yourself for turning around now, it’s now or never, what are you made of – this your time to show it, you just have to go slow and believe that you can do it, no pain no gain – remember?” These were some of the thoughts that went through my mind as if cheering me on and making quitting an impossible choice to consider. And with it I carried on.

Over 73 flight of stairs climbed in 1.5 miles, 16,663 steps and a round trip of 6.7 miles.

Posted in Human spirit, Inspiration, Mindfulness

Being mindful and in balance

Water droplets in my garden

Today I share a quote from Najwa Zehian about our actions, words we choose, mindfulness and how it affects our lives. Here it goes…

“Don’t break a birds wings and then tell it to fly. Don’t break a heart and then tell it to love. Don’t break a soul and then tell it to be happy. Don’t see the worst in a person and expect them to see the best in you. Don’t judge people and expect them to stand by your side. Don’t play with fire and expect to stay perfectly safe. Life is about giving and taking. You cannot expect to give bad and receive good. You cannot expect to give good and receive bad.”

It reminds me a lot about the laws of karma, various religious teachings and Buddhism. Do you believe that what you put out into the universe comes back to you tenfold over? If so why would we ever have reason to put anything other than positivity out into the world! Perhaps we also consider doing so because it simply is the right thing to do. How we treat each other and respect each other, especially in times of no personal gain speaks volumes about who we are. Here are a few of my own values…

I believe in treating others the same way I would like to be treated. I believe that words can hurt more than physical abuse. I believe actions speak louder than words. I believe that the world needs more mindfulness and it starts with us and a choice.

Remember how much you are needed and keep shining your light. 🙏🏼

Posted in Energy healing, Human spirit, Inspiration

Your Super-powers

We each have our own superpower, and this is the perfect time to cultivate it, or perhaps learn more about it. I believe that I found one of my superpowers last year in April when I stumbled upon energy healing and studied to become a Reiki Master, amongst other modalities. To say the least, it has been life changing for me, not only in the sense of my own healing, but also in the sense of bringing healing and a sense of peace and balance to others. Others who are searching for answers and are in need of positivity and hope. I believe this is such a time, and the world needs hope right now. I mean the world as in a sense of humanity and the people, because Mother Earth is healing just fine. The signs are evident every day, as our carbon imprint lessens and nature is finding ways to heal. But as people, we need hope and something that balances the fear that is instilled.

Yesterday someone was hospitalized during these scary times, and reached out to me, asking if I could send healing energy his way through Reiki. Of course I did and it’s just one of the small things I can do to use my superpower to help someone else. It feels good being able to do this, and guess what? Time has been slowed down for us to actually take a moment, to care, to not run out of time to fit everything into our schedule. We have been giving an opportunity to be more mindful, to work together, not against each other, because it will take a team, a true Rainbow Warrior protecting the earth and all its creatures, humanity included to make a difference.

Much of what is happening with the virus is out of our control as we are still learning about all the details and how to fight it. But when you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is. I know all of your are using your own superpowers and this is how we make a difference. One person at a time. 🙏🏼

Posted in Human spirit, Inspiration, Men

An awakened Man

An awakened man is a warrior of the heart. He has heard the deeper calling. He is conscious of his feelings and speaks the language of love. He sees the beauty of the world around him, is present-minded, and knows the way of the divine. He is compassionate, authentically cares about people, and has the highest respect for the feminine. He adores the woman who calls to his soul, knows how to listen and communicate to her heart, and understands how to satisfy her deepest desires. He is comfortable being vulnerable, looks for the answers within, and is not afraid to surrender to truth. He learns from the pain that each life-lesson teaches him, admits when he is wrong, and is always accountable for his actions.

He actively uses his sword with a dual purpose – to strip away his own ego so the light can stream in while also protecting those he loves. He is a champion of those who do not have a voice, strength to those who need encouragement, and a light to the ones who have lost their way. He is confident and strong, but he is also a promoter of peace, an agent of humility, and a model of grace and forgiveness.

He calls to other conscious men to join the revolution, to lay down their ego, and with true masculine energy, demonstrate what it means to be a man who is connected to his heart.

~Daniel Nielsen

🙏🏼 namaste to all the warriors of the heart. I see you and you are being heard. ❤️

Posted in Human spirit, Inspiration, Reiki

Learning Grace

I learned something that left an impact on me. I thought it might be good to share, and here it is.

It’s been awhile when someone asked me for a Reiki attunement. I have stalled performing and giving it, because my beliefs don’t agree with how this person acts the majority of the time. I don’t agree with the negativity, the way others are treated and talked to, and the victim mentality that is often displayed. I feel bad karma just around the corner, but time after time the lessons are never learned and the bitterness just deepens. I found it in direct conflict with my beliefs, and viewed it impossible to go through. I didn’t know how I could muster the compassion and love that I pour into my Reiki sessions, trying to be the best conduit for divine energy to flow right through me, while supporting the best healing to commence. I felt that my own energy would interfere, and then it hit me, and I saw a quote. A message from the universe that changed my thinking, allowing me to see this from a completely different angle. It had to do with grace and understanding a little more. Here is the quote – unknown.

“When you finally learn that a person’s behavior has more to do with their internal struggle than it ever did with you…You learn grace.”

This has stopped me dead in my tracks and there is much to consider. I believe in surrounding yourself with positive energy and people that bring out the best in you, but what happens to the ones not winning the battle with the internal struggle? The ones that turn onto victim alley, the one that leaves you bitter and negative? I also think that people like that need help, and that we should at least try. So, for myself I have decided to do my best, considering their inner struggle and fight, knowing that it is cause for part of their behavior. I think I can feel compassion for their fight and struggle having read this. Perhaps inspiration can be given to make better choices when bad things happen, to stay away from victim alley, and head towards opportunity lane. I might even make an impact and change something and someone into a positive spirit. Fingers crossed.

Posted in Human spirit, Life

Giving grace

Just take a ride in your car. What do you see around you? Poverty is normal and sadly not rare in the surrounding areas to where I live. Just drive a few miles and it’s not unusual to encounter someone in a position of dire straits. Sadly many, often perfectly capable people, or so it seems abuse the system and even make a living holding out their sign. Some get aggressive and pursue you, even talk nasty to you when things don’t go their way. But then on the other hand, how do I know what they are going through, things are seldom as they seem. By saying so I am passing judgement, and I forget that everyone has a story. Surely they have one too, and while they appear perfectly healthy to me, there maybe many underlying issues that prevent holding a normal job. Heck, am I any different? Some days going for hikes and doing great and other days struggling to put on my socks.

But anyways, what I was trying to say is that many needy people, holding out their signs get missed in this town because it is a normal sight. Including myself, I too have driven past these people in need with no particular feelings at the time. But today and another time before stood out and without words I felt somebody’s story and hardship without knowing the details. It was in the silence that got my attention, the unspoken words, the non pushy behavior, some sign that got my attention. Something, but I felt it.

I was on my way home eating a fried chicken strip from the store, as I saw a man standing at the corner. I never fully read his sign but immediately got a feeling from him. “Anything will help” it read. Out of the two chicken strips I only had one left, and still felt hungry. It wasn’t a matter of deciding and I knew right away that he needed it much more then me. I pulled over and almost felt embarrassed that this one chicken strip was all I had to give him, but I remembered the words on his sign. “Anything will help.” I reached the bag out of the window towards the man that most graciously accepted it and thanked me. Already my eyes filled with tears, and I was so overcome by this unknown to me story that I couldn’t help myself but send a blessing his way. Something was special about this man and something touched me to the core. This has happened before and I can’t explain it. It is one of those stories, one of those moments when you just know it all, without ever having to speak a word. And it was right then and there that I decided to look more consciously for those moments in 2020. To make a difference for others on a different level. To never forget how blessed and fortunate I am and to share and help at an even greater level to those less fortunate.

Hours later the experience of today and the man from the corner is still with me and I truly hope that he is ok tonight.