Posted in Chronic illness, Health, Pain

The pain of the “constant”

My actual hand with fingers swollen like sausages. Joints inflamed, swollen, and a wrist out of proportion and which seems to be growing extra bones.

Once again the RA (rheumatoid arthritis) is hard at work and is giving me trouble. I don’t even know how I am able to type, thickly bandaged for support, I will keep to a minimum.

My pain is the pain of the constant. It’s a pain that rarely sleeps and it’s my faithful companion throughout each day. Sometimes more and sometimes less, and on other days excruciating like in this case. But even when the pain is low, given that it is that constant, it really makes things tough. Sometimes I have to force myself to have a good day. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it will pass and will reduce to the levels of the constant. But even then, given that it’s always there, I can feel the positivity dwindle and it’s nagging.

It’s a beautiful, sunny day outside, but my plans and all the things I was going to do today will have to wait. It’s 72 degrees Fahrenheit inside the tiny abode and I can barely stay warm. My body is fighting something and it is screaming at me. I am doing something wrong and it is rendering me “out of order.” I believe it might have to do with lugging overfilled grocery bags and other heavy things into the house yesterday. It didn’t seem like something that I couldn’t handle, but I was trying to cut down on the amount of trips back and forth, most likely handling too much. And the result was that just a few hours later, my joints had a different story to tell. A reminder was in order that I overstepped my boundaries, which by the way are ever changing. This could be even more reason to be afraid of what lies ahead in Germany, but right now I will try not to let this fear creep into my head. All will be ok and for today I just need to take it easy and allow myself time to heal as good as I can.


We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

32 thoughts on “The pain of the “constant”

  1. Oh Gorgeous, this looks so painful… I’m sending you my warmest thoughts. Our bodies have terrible ways to remind us not to go over our limits. I hope you’ll feel better soon! *Big hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, I feel with you, dear Rhapsody.
    It can be so very painful, when the attack is on.
    Maybe you can use an idea, I found out to use already many years ago. A shopping bag on wheel might be a huge help for you, as you can bring a lot in one time, but without abusing your few powers for that day. It is also useful from fx your car and into your home, as you can bring much in one time. To make it more easy, I use shopping bags inside the shopper on wheel. This makes it more easy to empty, when home again.
    Send much love for both you and Cinnamon ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Those are wonderful ideas Irene. Thank you so much. Unfortunately I can’t make them work for me at this moment. I have steps and uneven surfaces to deal with that make it difficult. I think it was a combination of things but mainly a flare in inflammation. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how careful I am, things are simply out of my control. It could have been cinnamon pulling too hard. Luckily I’m much better. Thank you and much love to you. 💙

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Just you find a way to make it all working, Rhapsody.
        I have used my shopping bag on wheel at all surfaces and it has been a huge support for me.
        Do you remember to drink Ginger shots daily? I do and my homemade Ginger shots are working wonders to my health.
        Good to hear, that you are feeling much better ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I need to do a better job with consistency and making it stick. I’m feeling better as far as the wrist but every day brings a new challenge. All will be ok. I just have to believe it will. 💙😘

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I am so sorry for your pain, …
    And it’s no good me telling you our bodies often go through huge detoxing of clearing and our disease comes from our dis-ease within ourselves… For that doesn’t take away the reality of the pain you are suffering..
    Many places are now being threatened by their governments… Hold the line, if the line is that which you want to hold.. Its easy I know, words, just to say them.. When we are on that front line..
    I would never presume to tell anyone what to do..
    But Years ago I suffered pain… and debilitating Raynauds in both hands so bad my fingers would go white red and blue.. And would change with temperature from one room to the other.. I was able to self heal.. Long story.. And also I suffered from FMS… Fibromyalgia Syndrome. . Also painful…

    Fingers: Represent the details of life. – Thumb: Represents intellect and worry… From Louise Hays book you can heal your life.. Which I found instrumental in my own healing journey along with regression into my past lives as to that which I was holding onto.
    Arthritic Fingers: A desire to punish. Blame. Feeling victimized — Something I think many are feeling right now as we watch the injustice roll out …. So I am not surprised your hand has flared up Rhapsody..
    Arthritis:— Feeling unloved. Criticism, resentment. – Rheumatoid Arthritis: Feeling victimized.
    Lack of love. Chronic bitterness. Resentment. Deep criticism of authority. Feeling very put upon.

    My constant mantra, was I AM Healed, I AM well,, ALL IS WELL IN MY WORLD…
    Her website even though she has now passed on as she was into her 80s.. is a wealth of healing information in it.. Here are some of her affirmations…
    Sending love and Healing thoughts your way Rhapsody.. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You are absolutely right here Sue and this is a fountain of information for me. Some reminders and some new. I’ve had a lot of stress in my life. A lot of ancestral trauma, guilt, feeling unworthy, no good for anything from my mothers side. I chased her love and approval for a lifetime and it wasn’t until her deathbed that she finally accepted me as her daughter. She passed in 2019 and I still have to go Germany to settle affairs with the house etc.
      Earlier in 2021 I dissolved a life of 30+ years and sold my house and left my marriage that was only existent on paper for the past 15 years. It’s been a lot and I have been working to eliminate these heavy burdens ever since. A few steps are left but the end of the tunnel is in sight.
      I love Louise Hays and need to look up the book you mention. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your time, your kind words and your compassion. And yes with battling rheumatoid arthritis, it has been all of the above.
      Much love to you, always and bless you. 💙

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So many issues are Mother Daughter, Mother Son related or To one of our parents… My own life lessons were tied into my own relationship with my Mother. learning to see from a higher perspective and Let go and forgive helps heal the past wounds we carry from a child..
        A journey that is never easy… And one I know at times I thought I had healed from, only to find another aspect surfacing to trigger more issues that needed to resolved with inner healing work…
        Sending Love and Healing thoughts your way Rhapsody.. Much love ❤

        Liked by 2 people

      2. You are so right Sue and I have forgiven her a long time ago. I know she did the best she could and the shortcomings she experienced in her own life where the very things that surfaced with us as well. She simply didn’t know any other way. It left me feeling sad for her more than anything in the end.
        Thank you so much for your kind words and your support. I felt virtually hugged. Bless you sweet soul. 💙🙏🏼

        Liked by 1 person

  4. You might want to research Pseudo Gout on google. I had my wrist swell up and hurt so much I couldn’t turn the keys to the car or even push the lever on toilet. Then a friend told me it was Pseudo Gout in my wrist. My wrist was swollen, aching and hot to the touch. He said, just take the same pills you take for gout. I did that for 2 days and it disappeared never to return. Gout is a joint inflammation. Check with your Doctor and see if he will prescribe the medication for Gout. I Think the pill that really works was the indomethacin. Something to check out?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Chuck. I googled it and it led me down to more insights, thanks to you. I’ve had the same problem with not being able to tune the ignition on the car. I hope to treat the cause with a natural approach and not just slap a bandaid onto the symptoms. I might have to initially, but o hope to assess the root problem. Thank you so much. Hugs 💙🙏🏼

      Liked by 1 person

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