Sometimes we need a mantra, our own drumbeat, our own wisdom and knowledge to step forward. Sometime we need our own self-affirmations.
While I know that I still have some shadow work to do, that there are still a few inner children that need to be healed, I think it’s equally important to validate our process, to give ourselves a hand, to take a break and reassure ourselves with love. With unconditional love for ourselves. Listening to my heart, to hear it’s worries, to recognize it’s fears, I put my own affirmations together that are specific to me. You can do this for yourself as well. All you need to do is listen to your inner dialogue. What is on your mind. What worries you. Where do you see a lack. How can you combat those feelings with a mantra. Here is an example of what this might look like for you. Say it every day or whenever you feel you need to. Remind yourself of how special you are and watch the worries dissipate.
I am loved beyond measure.
I can’t do no wrong.
Everything is how it is meant to be.
Any unresolved matters are not due to my lack, my shortcomings, or because they are my fault.
I do not need to worry.
I have always done the best to my ability and I am letting go of the things that are beyond my control.
I am grateful for everything that is, for everything that was, and for everything that is yet to come.
I used to have a tough exterior. Always keeping it together, always being so strong. The soft inner core was always well hidden,well protected, and few have ever seen it. There wasn’t anything that seemed impossible to tackle. I’d drive in the biggest cities with the worst traffic and fly halfway around the world by myself without a single care. I’d leave my home country to step into the unknown and a place of who’s language I could barely speak. I was never worried and I was never that quick witted, but I could always hold my own. Independent, a strong woman. And now I have grown tired of it. Now I wonder if all that is been hidden for so long is seeping out of me in the form of tears. I wonder if this is my release from it.
Now, I cry all the time, but the tears don’t always come. Often it’s just a few moments of deep felt pain that comes to the surface and yet I can’t seem to have a good cry to get it over with. Some days there are many of these moments, unable to be released and sometimes they are simply suppressed when the timing is off and I can’t let go and ugly cry. I am emotional at the slightest thing. At the TV, at music, for Cinnamon, and for no apparent reason. It’s almost as if I seek a reason to trigger this release and to get the feeling out of me. My stress level is topped and not the slightest thing has room and can be added. Although everything is working in my favor and couldn’t be much easier. But even the small stuff seems to be big stuff to me. I have lost that tough, protective exterior, and what is left is the soft core, that feels too much. Here it lies for anyone to take a stab at, raw, vulnerable and exposed. There are plenty of times it gets hurt, and yet I choose not to rebuild that tough exterior that held all the pain within, without a escape. I am even talking about it, acknowledging it, putting it out there, without fear of who might take advantage of it.
Sometimes I don’t recognize myself as I adjust to this new version of me. But, I take comfort in knowing that there are others who feel the same. Just recently I asked for advice and input, trying to understand their perspective and thought process as to why they feel as vulnerable as I do. The answer I got, was that perhaps it is due to old age and being in constant pain that our facade cracks and starts to crumbles. Perhaps it is in reminiscence that most of our life has passed. Perhaps it is about our choices, our mistakes and not having the chance to redo them, may it be due to physical limitations or simply because of time running out.
Maybe it is so, and honestly, I can’t say that I would want the old version of myself back. The one that tackled everything and ate up pain by the buckets, hiding it all. Dealing with it alone most of the time. Sitting at an elevated self, I can’t see these emotions as healthy ones and I can only imagine the damage that is done keeping them safely tucked inside to keep that exterior facade in tact. What a price to pay. I ask myself if it was worth it. The damage isn’t and yet everything had to happen exactly as it did. Perhaps I am a perfect example to what can happen when trauma is unexpressed and unresolved. So, “No,” now that I have that knowledge, I don’t want that version back and this too, is just another phase that will pass in time. It is necessary and shapes the future.
Today I am revisiting the ups and downs of Anger. I have written about it a few times, even in my struggles with Mom. Now with quite some time that has passed, new knowledge is coming forward when it comes to dealing with anger. Perhaps we can see it from a different viewpoint that helps us understand and validate it better. Perhaps we can see it from a healthier perspective.
I heard a statement about anger that triggered further pondering. In that statement we were reminded that anger is a part of ourselves that knows that we have been mistreated and that abuse is unacceptable. We are reminded that anger knows that we deserve to be treated well, and with kindness. Our anger is a part of ourselves that loves us and usually surfaces during times of injustice. We can recognize it as a friend that is watching out for us and who has our back.
Usually during those times when we encounter anger, we deflect and direct it towards the one (s) that caused us to feel this way. We might even entertain thoughts of getting even and retaliating. But it might be interesting to look even deeper. Why did we feel these intense feelings of anger? Could it be that something inside of ourselves is broken and needs attention? A wound that was triggered that hasn’t fully healed yet. Could we see this incident as an opportunity to do so and make ourself whole instead of lashing out and thinking of payback? Could the rage of our anger be reduced if we remembered that it is a part of ourselves, a part that loves us, a part that is looking out for us and which is trying to protect us.
Have you ever heard that trapped emotions manifest through pain in your body? It truly is so, and carrying unprocessed trauma and feelings within us interrupts our energy flow in the body. This is a big focus of an energy healer, performing Reiki and such with the goal to unblock the energy so it can move freely again. This is important so the blockages can’t manifest long term into chronic pain and suffering. This is also where shadow work comes into the game, inner child work and releasing ancestral trauma. You see the connection here and why this has been such a big focus of mine. It’s really not to change myself, but to come home. To give my body a chance to heal and dump the chronic disease that has held me prisoner so many times in past years. It is to come into my own, to discover and expand on the purpose of who I was always meant to be. It’s an unlearning of old outdated systems, a prioritization of what truly matters and finding peace and balance. It includes eliminating the distractions, trusting the disruption and embracing it all. In the process of it I hope to shed the tension, the trapped emotions, a chronic illness that is waiting to be healed by me vs. ingesting the harsh chemicals of our modern medicine. One thing I am particularly grateful for is that I seem to be keenly aware of what’s going on. That I can already witness the progress and that it doesn’t take years of hindsight. Perhaps in years something else will come to the forefront, but for now I can’t stress about something I’m not aware of and I see it as peaceful bliss.
Here is a list of where trapped emotions manifest and where you feel them:
Shoulders: carrying burdens and responsibilities
Neck tension: fear and repressed self expression
Upper back: grief, sadness, sorrow
Middle back: insecurity and powerlessness
Lower back: shame / guilt and unworthiness
Throat: lack of expression
Stomach: disempowerment, difficulty or inability to process emotion
Maybe you recognize a few within yourself. Maybe you too, have some trauma and tension that is just waiting to be released.
I am one that feels deeply, perhaps too deep at times. I am one that picks up on emotions as well as vibrations. Maybe you are as well and if so, then this post is written for you to help light the path.
We talked about Empath’s and Shadow work, and what it’s like to absorb the energy of others. Being an empath also comes with a great deal of being a highly sensitive person. That in turn comes with a shadow side and hurt feelings and emotions are often the result of it and trapped if not properly recognized and cleared.
Here is a list you might identify with…
You have good instincts, but often don’t let yourself trust them
You bottle up anger and the end up lashing out unintentionally
You do things you’re not comfortable with to avoid upsetting anyone
You have a hard time not taking things personally
You read into things too much and get stuck in overthinking
You u can easily fall into putting other people’s needs way above your own
You frequently second guess your choices
You try to make other people happy / often to your own detriment
You don’t take as good fare of yourself as you deserve
You overly blame yourself for things that aren’t your fault
It was during my February recap that listed what worked, what got better, and what got worse. Looking back and recapping these successes and what one might consider opportunities and shortcomings had become an essential part of my life. I believe it has found an important place in my life. One that is needed to stay in consciousness and awareness, to not let too much time pass before changing course, and one that allows you to celebrate progress as you put all the pieces together.
These days I work to embrace my vulnerability and shadow side as a precious gift. Being a highly sensitive person allows you to feel so much more. Feeling is the essence of being alive. It allows emotions others are not capable of, in mere existence. I want to be alive and not just exist, and feeling deeply is what is required. Relax and trust the process, it doesn’t have to be scary or bad. It never is if you focus on the positive.
Today’s new word is CWTCH: (n) Welsh, pronounced “kutch”
I was first introduced to this word by my follow blogger, now soul sister Ananda Amenet . I imagine she can give an amazing CWTCH, one that says a thousand words without a word being spoken. You know what I’m talking about and a hug can do all that.
CWTCH stands for a hug, a cuddle or snuggle. It creates a private, safe place in two people’s heart. It is snuggling and cuddling, loving, protecting, and safeguarding all rolled into one.
CWTCH has no literal English translation, but is an emotionally significant embrace and an intrinsically Welsh word that evokes a sense of home. It reminds of Hygge, a danish word, similar and yet different, creating that cosines and a sense of well being one gets when they feel at home. At home in their country or at home in the arms of someone they love.
Awe…this is usually my first view when I wake up in the morning. Other times, if I sleep too long, she might come up and lays her head on my shoulder, ensuring I’m ok. She did so this morning as I had a nightmare, coming to comfort me. She is very intuitive in that sense and picks up on vibrations and energy. She also brings care to an area you might have hurt yourself at, for instance a scab on your body and not much gets passed her.
Cinnamon has become a regular guest in my bed and usually ends up right in the middle, where it’s most comfortable and the heading blanket gets the warmest. She likes to stare out of the window to watch birds and just gaze at the world waking up, alongside with us. She is a sun goddess and will find the tiniest corner to soak up the rays and get her vitamin D. She is truly one of a kind and perfect to end the week with a fulfilled and a sweet sigh of awe….
See you tonight lovelies for our weekly Reiki healing at 7 PM PST.
Artwork by me and available here. I made these for Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, Christmas tree ornaments or decoration for any time of year. These beauties are wood burned, hand painted and can be personalized with your initials and special year. I call them Love-Birds and Love-Nest.
Creation and art is a big part of my life and if I don’t do anything crafty for awhile, it’s almost like getting withdrawals. I miss it. But whether we consider ourselves crafty in the arts or not, in fact we are always creating something. Maybe not a Picasso but for instant creating our life is a work of art all in its own. In a way, we all, always create and the masterpiece is up to us.
A wonderful quote popped up while I was working on these wood slices and here it is. May these magical moments always find you and be a constant companion throughout the creation of your life.
“Why do we close our eyes when we pray, when we cry, when we kiss, when we dream; because the most beautiful things in our life are not seen but felt only by the heart.”
So much of our life is ruled by the underlying emotions of fear. The fear of not being good enough. Of not being accepted, of not fitting in. Of not behaving the way we are expected to, which can cost friendships. Perhaps we are viewed as strange, an outsider, different, unique, but why do we label this as a bad thing?
Further there is fear of loneliness. Anxiety is a form of fear and life is filled with things to be anxious about. Being in constant control is fear. Being afraid to be vulnerable is fear. Being misunderstood is fear. We fear to be hurt and taken advantage of. We strive to be prepared, for anything, at all cost. It’s scary to think of what could happen if we aren’t. After all, we go to great lengths to avoid pain and anything that brings discomfort. All are action and response driven by, and under the umbrella of fear. What we fail to realize is that we are held prisoners, while falling victim to a life driven by fear.
Once you come to realize that this is not the life for you, a burden will lift and there is only one thing stronger than fear. “Faith.”