Awakening begins when you question everything you were ever taught; everything you’ve been told; and everything you thought you knew. So what is this journey we all set out on, where our lives are filled with experiences good and bad? Why do we feel like the underdog at times with things so hard and difficult?
My awakening process started a few years ago and posed some of the same questions listed above. Nothing seemed to fit anymore and nothing felt authentic to my true self. What does that even mean and what is it that becomes one’s authentic true self? You will know when you get the sense that your actions are mere compliance. When you do things against your heart and better judgement, but because everyone else is doing it, and therefore it must be the right thing to do. Perhaps you feel a great deal of unhappiness and restlessness. You are always looking forward to the future and all the things you are going to do and accomplish, not realizing the unrest you are giving to your current “Now.” You may feel at a loss, unsure of where to start and the whole picture is just too overwhelming.
People often tell me “Ah, you are so spiritual, and you are so lucky. I am so jealous of your outdoor adventures, how do you stay so positive, and are you ever in a bad mood.”. Spirituality is hard work, and it definitely is not the nice, quiet life. It means constantly being on fire. It means allowing yourself to be reduced to ashes, over and over again. Until you become the clearest and purest channel for spirit. What is to die is also give to rise. This journey requires many experiences, good and painful, many lessons and a willingness to be teachable. It also depends on how much you are willing to let go off, if you could give up your current conveniences and just take the plunge, jumping off the hamster wheel. It takes a lot of soul searching and analyzing what it is YOU truly want. Is the career something you truly aspire to, and why, or is it what you’ve been groomed to do, the status, your ego, what society expects of you? What are you rewards and will that change your current “Now” to a point you’d be happy with.
Chances are that no matter what it is you want, you will have to put in the work. Whether it requires long working hours with little time for yourself and anything else, or whether it is spiritual work in search of answering the “what if” questions and finding your purpose. It will require work and your staying power is determined by your dedication and desire to get there. Nothing ever comes easy and it would have no meaning if it did. I’ve had plenty of time over the years for my own soul searching and things are ever changing and moving along.
It’s been a journey of realizing that it isn’t so much about becoming anything. For me it continues to be a journey about unbecoming everything that isn’t really me, and shedding the layers of social conditioning, old programs, and what I was once taught. It’s an unlearning of values and beliefs that were never mine, but to seek the ultimate truth that is in line with myself.
Why put in all that work and what’s the purpose? Because it’s the only way worthwhile in an attempt to become who I was always meant to be.
All things start the same, with one single step.