The awakened woman/man

“Every day is the first day of the rest of your life.”

Have you heard this saying before? Indeed it is so and every day we awake, we are given an opportunity to write another page in a book of blanks. What will you end up writing today?

Personally I am building on all the lessons 2020 brought my way. I am using the awareness to connect deeper to what it is that fuels my soul. What is it that truly makes me happy and allows my heart to be at peace? What is needed, what is the next step in attaining that sought, blissful feeling.

It appears that more and more, during my pursuit, the old self is dying off. The cocoon is just about to burst open at times, while on other times patiently awaiting that perfect moment. There is a tiredness of the mediocre, a now or never attitude that fuels me. Still I remember how I got here, celebrating all the versions of myself I have lived through. These versions, old self’s weren’t all that bad either and I have no regrets. Each got me to this point in life, for she has been through hell and wears her battles in the scars not hidden but visible and in plain sight. She doesn’t have to be perfect anymore and a new warrior is standing on the edge of forever. A new dreamer is emerging until that cycle concludes and new growths is awaiting a courageous heart once more.

“As an awakened woman or man, your system becomes more sensitive and responsive to the interconnected web of nature. Everything from world events to a full moon can affect how you feel. The more conscious you are, the more aware you become of these influences.”

~Kimberly Jones.com

It is that sensitivity that is my guide that makes me feel alive and allows me to see the world anew through the eyes of wonder with every new day. No, it’s not always perfect. Sure the occasional hiccup will make itself known and there will be challenges and the unexpected. Life is hard but what’s important is how we process those feelings, that knowledge, and what we do with it.

Here is to all of us, in it together, writing happy moments and endings for ourselves on most days.

The Monsters within

Picture taken from google

This year so far has been largely about self awareness, understanding, and growths. About recognizing, as well as stopping to resist, to not interfere, to utilize, and be patient for the right timing. It’s been a huge growths push, layering on and deepening the journey I have found myself on over the last couple of years.

It’s been about making peace with the way things are. I’d say I’ve come a little ways, understanding and forgiving, letting the past rest (mostly) and looking ahead with optimism and excitement. I am at peace with the progress and where I am at, even though things are not perfect. I don’t think they will ever be and you know what? That’s ok, I don’t need perfect.

There has been a lot of insight about how the past has shaped me, why I reacted the way I did, what changed and how I see the future unfold. It feels as if the mental, undecided struggle of what is the best choice, what if I do this, what’s the outcome of that, and what to do period, is over.

This year has been filled with periods of looking within, to find cause, addressing and working with my shadow self and any darkness that is in my heart. To meet this void with unconditional love and without judgement. To not condemn it but to meet it with love. Not only within myself, but also in others who might have shared mutual negative experiences. Alone or with each other. It’s been a year of forgiveness and letting go. Of not holding on to the emotional baggage. It’s even been a year of losing people I once thought close to me. It’s been hard coming to trust that even there is reasoning behind it and it hurt to lose these people. Yet I have to trust and try to understand that our journey has taken us into different directions.

While many would define 2020 as a tough and challenging year, I definitely don’t disagree. But I do have to admit that I have come to see it in a much different light then that. I have learned to always look for the lesson and to embrace it with positivity, no matter what. For me, 2020 has been an important year. A year of many personal breakthroughs and personal growths. I can say that I have done my best and I’m ok with that. Being able to say so doesn’t mean that there are no things I wish could be different. But it means arriving at a point where you can accept the reality of it without feeling disturbed by it. A point where you no longer fight and try to control the outcome. Where either way it goes, you learn to dance with whatever comes your way.

A quote crossed my path and like so often spoke to me. I can only agree and it truly is great advice.

“Until we have met the monsters in ourselves, we will keep trying to slay them in the outer world. For all darkness in the world stems from darkness in the heart. And it is there we must do our work.”

~Marianne Williamson

Awakening to the journey

Awakening begins when you question everything you were ever taught; everything you’ve been told; and everything you thought you knew. So what is this journey we all set out on, where our lives are filled with experiences good and bad? Why do we feel like the underdog at times with things so hard and difficult?

My awakening process started a few years ago and posed some of the same questions listed above. Nothing seemed to fit anymore and nothing felt authentic to my true self. What does that even mean and what is it that becomes one’s authentic true self? You will know when you get the sense that your actions are mere compliance. When you do things against your heart and better judgement, but because everyone else is doing it, and therefore it must be the right thing to do. Perhaps you feel a great deal of unhappiness and restlessness. You are always looking forward to the future and all the things you are going to do and accomplish, not realizing the unrest you are giving to your current “Now.” You may feel at a loss, unsure of where to start and the whole picture is just too overwhelming.

People often tell me “Ah, you are so spiritual, and you are so lucky. I am so jealous of your outdoor adventures, how do you stay so positive, and are you ever in a bad mood.”. Spirituality is hard work, and it definitely is not the nice, quiet life. It means constantly being on fire. It means allowing yourself to be reduced to ashes, over and over again. Until you become the clearest and purest channel for spirit. What is to die is also give to rise. This journey requires many experiences, good and painful, many lessons and a willingness to be teachable. It also depends on how much you are willing to let go off, if you could give up your current conveniences and just take the plunge, jumping off the hamster wheel. It takes a lot of soul searching and analyzing what it is YOU truly want. Is the career something you truly aspire to, and why, or is it what you’ve been groomed to do, the status, your ego, what society expects of you? What are you rewards and will that change your current “Now” to a point you’d be happy with.

Chances are that no matter what it is you want, you will have to put in the work. Whether it requires long working hours with little time for yourself and anything else, or whether it is spiritual work in search of answering the “what if” questions and finding your purpose. It will require work and your staying power is determined by your dedication and desire to get there. Nothing ever comes easy and it would have no meaning if it did. I’ve had plenty of time over the years for my own soul searching and things are ever changing and moving along.

It’s been a journey of realizing that it isn’t so much about becoming anything. For me it continues to be a journey about unbecoming everything that isn’t really me, and shedding the layers of social conditioning, old programs, and what I was once taught. It’s an unlearning of values and beliefs that were never mine, but to seek the ultimate truth that is in line with myself.

Why put in all that work and what’s the purpose? Because it’s the only way worthwhile in an attempt to become who I was always meant to be.

All things start the same, with one single step.

The awakening process

Picture from my birthday trip. View of Half Dome from Olmstead point – Yosemite National Park.

Spiritual awakening…ah, a topic that seems to bring together likeminded and kindred spirits. Souls in search of answers, to find validations or a sign along the way that encourages us to keep going. People who question the status quo when it comes to their own life. It goes out to the “what if (ers), is that it, now what, and there’s got to be more to life” kind of beings.

Spiritual awakening is a way/path that is so different and unique to all of us, yet shares so many similarities. Once you find the courage and took that first step, you are on your way and the awakening process has begun. Don’t expect this to be an easy journey, because it will be quite the opposite. You will be a tested many times, stretched to your limits, and you fill find out what you are made of. It’s hard work but those willing to put in the effort will find a reward much greater than you could ever imagine. On the outside or if you have travelled for awhile, it’s easy to see and recognize all it’s patterns. The climbs and struggles, the storms and challenges, and the smooth sailings when everything seems downhill once more.

Along the path we meet various places that become our initial destination. It’s not until we take in all the wisdom of what that place has to offer, until we learn all of our lessons needed, that we can move on to a new place along the journey to our soul destination. And it is only when we, the students are ready that our teacher will appear. It can’t be rushed and there is no time limits, you simply move along when you are ready, despite of you thinking that you are. Remember that you can never know that you received everything meant for you to learn until so have. So in a way it is about being willing to listen and to learn, trusting the process, surrendering all control, shedding the fear, and opening your heart wide.

According to Jake Woodard we undergo 4 stages and although I have written about the stages before (7 stages similar or more in detail), it’s worth it to take a look as we might identify with something new and different.

Stage 1: The birthing phase

You start to awaken normally by experiencing pain or trauma. This causes you to shed the layers of illusions. Welcome to earth school.

Stage 2: The crawling phase

You’re very uncomfortable in this phase. You are learning many lessons, some of which are painful. You may feel great frustration and despair.

Stage 3: The rebirth

You’re being called to go inward to seek more answers. At this stage you are being initiated to be given your wings. You’re learning who you are and why you are here.

Stage 4: Taking flight

You’ve shed the veils of illusion. You’ve returned to your childlike innocence. You’ve purified your soul and are now soaring with your reclaimed wings.

Does this ring true for you?

The spiritual immune system by Henri Bergson

Fortunately, some are born with spiritual immune systems that sooner or later give rejection to the illusory worldview grafted upon them from birth through social conditioning. They begin sensing that something is amiss, and start looking for answers. Inner knowledge and anomalous outer experiences show them a side of reality others are oblivious to, and so begins their journey of awakening. Each step of the journey is made by following the heart instead of following the crowd and by choosing knowledge over the evils of ignorance.

Who else can relate to this?

Spiritual Awakening Stages

With so much uncertainty and confusion right now, we look to understanding, a little hope and perhaps some reassurance that everything will be ok. It also makes me think of our own personal journeys, trying to understand things, and sometimes even feeling alone with nobody to share or relate to you. I thought this might be a good time to repost the 7 stages of spiritual awakening.

1. Unhappiness and emptiness
2. Perception shifts
3. Seeking answers and meaning
4. Finding answers and experiencing breakthroughs
5. Disillusionment and feeling lost
6. Deeper inner work
7. Integration, expansion, Joy

The shift

As you are shifting, you will begin to realize that you are not the same person you used to be. The things you used to tolerate have become intolerable. When you once remained quiet, you are now speaking your truth. What you once battled and argued, you are now choosing to remain silent because being at peace has taken priority. You are beginning to understand the value of your voice and there are some situations that no longer deserve your time, energy, and focus.

The stages of spiritual awakening

Stage 1 – Unhappiness and emptiness

Stage 2 – Perception shifts

Stage 3 – Seeking answers and meaning

Stage 4 – Finding answers and experiencing breakthroughs

Stage 5 – Disillusionment and feeling lost

Stage 6 – Deeper inner work

Stage 7 – Integration, expansion, Joy

~Lonewolf

The Journey…

I say “Namaste” because I like what it means, not because I am Hindu….

A lot of people think I am a Christian because they think I talk about Christian values, but the truth is I am really talking about Human Values….

I’ve been asked if I am a Buddhist, just because I have discovered Inner peace….

A lot of my friends are Pagans and they think I am too because I say that being in Nature is my idea of going to Church….

Do you want to know what I really am? It’s very simple. I don’t need a label to define me. I am a piece of the Universe, Sentiment and Manifested and I AM AWAKE….

~Paul Enso Hillman

Finding your voice

It can take years to find your voice and your true authenticity, where you belong. I can’t help but wonder if some may never make it, because I know that the path is steep, and not for the faint of hearts. You may have heard the call to follow your true heart, but the timing was not right and something held you back. “It will pass” you told yourself, unsure of what you were feeling. But it didn’t pass, did it, and instead it grew only stronger, so strong in fact that you could no longer ignore it.

You had no clue how your new found feelings could fit into a modern day society with certain behavioral expectations that don’t always embrace “The different”. How your taught values, morales, and guidelines could align, while you were still repressing your own calling. You didn’t know how to forget everything you’ve learned in order to be reborn into your own purposeful, self fulfilling, soul being. The process was long and hard, you stood out like a sore thumb (you thought), different but unique, beautiful and strong in the eyes of your own tribe. You couldn’t see it, you just weren’t “there” yet. Unable to recognize your worth and beauty, you only saw it as a hindrance, as if something was wrong with you. You faced confusing times where you questioned everything and where you felt lost and alone. It caused sleepless nights, loneliness, many tears, wishing to be different, to be accepted, and a heaping load of anxiety that threatened to crush you. You yearned to fit in, without realizing that it would cost you your uniqueness, your own special blueprint in order to do so. A price so high that it could never bring you happiness, nor bring you closer to who you really are. You were caught in a vicious cycle that was suffocating the pretending “You” without room for the true “You”. It all became an act, losing yourself a little more with each day, to the point of anxiety and depression. But if you are reading this, then you haven’t given up and I celebrate the true warrior spirit within you, because I know it hasn’t been easy.

My wish for you is to get there, to find your true voice and to embrace it. To stay the course and never falter, to realize that you have chased the wrong ideals, and that you are beautiful in every way. You are complete. I wish you the courage to stand by your dreams, to reach for the stars when others abandon you, when the path seems lonely and hard, and to cheer on the true desires within your heart. I wish you to never forget to listen to that voice deep inside of you and that the days have passed when you ignored it. To make a conscious choice to no longer dismiss the call out of fear of what others might think, and to recognize it as your true soul path. My wish for you is to find the strength to get up more times than you have fallen and to always view your glass as half full. To remember the silver lining in every adverse situation and to see the lessons for growth instead of the bitterness that is caused by pain.

Your voice will be loud and clear when you decide to embrace the weird, the wild, the non conformist side of your heart that has so many traits, values, and gifts. And believe it or not, there are others just like you, gorgeous, wild, and beautiful who have walked the path before you. The choice is yours and in the end our most treasured memories always have something a little wild about them, don’t they? Remember that everything you need is already deep inside of you.

~Namaste