The Monsters within

Picture taken from google

This year so far has been largely about self awareness, understanding, and growths. About recognizing, as well as stopping to resist, to not interfere, to utilize, and be patient for the right timing. It’s been a huge growths push, layering on and deepening the journey I have found myself on over the last couple of years.

It’s been about making peace with the way things are. I’d say I’ve come a little ways, understanding and forgiving, letting the past rest (mostly) and looking ahead with optimism and excitement. I am at peace with the progress and where I am at, even though things are not perfect. I don’t think they will ever be and you know what? That’s ok, I don’t need perfect.

There has been a lot of insight about how the past has shaped me, why I reacted the way I did, what changed and how I see the future unfold. It feels as if the mental, undecided struggle of what is the best choice, what if I do this, what’s the outcome of that, and what to do period, is over.

This year has been filled with periods of looking within, to find cause, addressing and working with my shadow self and any darkness that is in my heart. To meet this void with unconditional love and without judgement. To not condemn it but to meet it with love. Not only within myself, but also in others who might have shared mutual negative experiences. Alone or with each other. It’s been a year of forgiveness and letting go. Of not holding on to the emotional baggage. It’s even been a year of losing people I once thought close to me. It’s been hard coming to trust that even there is reasoning behind it and it hurt to lose these people. Yet I have to trust and try to understand that our journey has taken us into different directions.

While many would define 2020 as a tough and challenging year, I definitely don’t disagree. But I do have to admit that I have come to see it in a much different light then that. I have learned to always look for the lesson and to embrace it with positivity, no matter what. For me, 2020 has been an important year. A year of many personal breakthroughs and personal growths. I can say that I have done my best and I’m ok with that. Being able to say so doesn’t mean that there are no things I wish could be different. But it means arriving at a point where you can accept the reality of it without feeling disturbed by it. A point where you no longer fight and try to control the outcome. Where either way it goes, you learn to dance with whatever comes your way.

A quote crossed my path and like so often spoke to me. I can only agree and it truly is great advice.

“Until we have met the monsters in ourselves, we will keep trying to slay them in the outer world. For all darkness in the world stems from darkness in the heart. And it is there we must do our work.”

~Marianne Williamson