Posted in Emotions, Experience, Feelings, My story

Apology to my car….

Late last night my seven day work stretch came to an end, which should have been celebration enough as I was looking forward to a much needed day off. However it ended with a costly mishap and muffled my whole celebration. It was a busy day at work and we did much better than we forecasted to do. Great, awesome, fantastic, right….but it also brought extra work. A few sick calls, no shows and orientation for new hires just added to the already hectic day and it came down to just doing the best you can and putting the store together as much as possible. All in all a typical retail day but also a challenge as the store literally looked like a bomb had exploded and product was scattered everywhere. On the floor out of place, half eaten, you name it, you get the picture. On top of it, there would be floor care in the building tonight and all fixtures would have to be moved from one side of the store to the other which was our responsibility to prep. An additional task that would take away time we didn’t have. It’s funny and almost comical now as it’s never just one thing and it feels as if all these things gang up on you in a challenge of raising the difficulty notch just a bit. Can you paddle and swim any faster to stay afloat? You know what I mean and you have been there.

At 10:20 PM we finally call it quits, only now the alarm won’t set on the building due to various faults. The gremlins are at it again and more time is required to research the problems as everybody is clocked out and just wants to leave. I finally get the alarm to set, having to bypass some faults impossible to fix at this point. Out we go, I lock the door, we are saying our goodnights and thank you’s for having survived the hectic while rushing to our cars to finally get home. Before the celebration of being done can set in, I check the phone which I abandoned all day due to simply having no time and every minute counts. I see a message from a coworker, answer it real quick and get ready to leave. It rained all day, the windshield is wet and fogged up inside while it is also foggy outside and the clouds are hanging low. And then it happens and a repeat of how the day had progressed is playing Deja vu. Imagine everything happening at the same time, once again. I put the car in gear, start taking off while clearing the windshield in an effort to see better, forget that I parked next to the concrete light post, the wheels are slightly turned and the next thing I hear is metal such as in the form of my front fender and bumper of the pony rubbing up against the yellow post. 😡😡😡. I back up, get out and the damage is done through a  dent on both and the mark of the pole and it’s yellow ugly paint that somehow does not belong on my car. In disbelief of what just happened I get back into the car and of all the weird things that I can do, anger, scream or cry….what do I do???? I just have to sit there for a moment still in disbelief and I check my horoscope???? And to my surprise, clearly it already knew that something like this would happen, maybe I should have checked earlier. That whole scenario was definitely caused by being tired, stressed and in a rush of leaving to get home. I take off to drive home, this time clearing the pole and my celebration is stumped while I doubt that it is yet to happen. While driving, I try to remind myself of how little I’m attached to material things, it’s just a car after all, right, and it’s just cosmetic and not even all thaaaaat bad. Thats what I’m trying to tell myself anyways. I try to see the silver lining as I always do and I realize that it could have been a lot worse. While trying to calm myself, I’m surprised of how much it bothers and pains me, almost as if I purposely inflicted pain onto my vehicle that could have been avoided, like most accidents, (can it even feel the pain, perhaps I’m going crazy) and I feel sorry for it, the car. Is it still about the accident, or has it progressed to something else? Perhaps the high standards I set for myself? Something that silly shouldn’t happen to me after all the years of driving, right? Do I give myself enough credit and why can’t I remember that nobody is exempt and that things like these happen to everybody? 

Instead I continue and focus that on top of my agony now comes the inconvenience and the time requirements to get it fixed. Dealing with the insurance which I’m sure will raise the premium, no matter of how minor the incident, blah blah blah.  Maybe I should wait until after winter and maybe it’s just time to put that darn Bra on (a present that’s never been on the car) which is collecting dust in the corner, and cover it up for now. I see myself spiraling down the hole of negativity and bitterness and I truly need to snap out of it as I’m depressing myself sounding so negative. If it’s one thing I know for sure, it is that I’m not going there and it’s just not who I am. I need to choose my actions, but not before an apology to my car.

Dear beloved Pony, (it’s a Mustang)
We have shared the road for many years and I remember the first day I saw you.

All shiny on that showroom sales floor, you were perfect and it was love at first sight.

But I didn’t want to be superficial and base our relationship on your good looks alone for it mattered much more of what was on your inside.

The salesman turned the key and as you came to life, I started to choke up from your sound and from what you had to say. You spoke to my heart and  I had to walk away for a moment as I felt the emotions come up. I was simply overcome.

I knew right then that we were meant to be and that I somehow had to take you home that day. 

I had to play it cool that day as the negotiations were about to begin to determine your price all while you were already priceless to me. In the end you and I left together and you have been by my side ever since.

Since that day, you have been a faithful companion to me and 160K miles later not once have you left me stranded in all of our adventures pounding black top and a few dirt roads. 

You are powerful when my need for speed and the autobahn surfaces or when we have to clear the field from the back by getting away from all the other crazy drivers. 

I take care of you and you look brand new….not right now but usually you do.

All you ever wanted was new blood every 4-5K and no further maintenance has been required.

In my lifetime of driving and it’s been many years, three incidents have happened and they have all been with you. I’m only counting the one’s that are my fault and have been caused because of being in a rush and not paying a 100% attention. 

I messed your pretty front end up before, grazed and took off your mirror backing out of the garage and now I left yellow battle paint across your fender and your bumper with a few dents. All what the ….. Moments and all caused due to being in a hurry. Perhaps this is meant to be a lesson to slow down and not rush so much that needs to be learned here and the timing is impeccable as the most hectic season in retail is upon us. I’m not sure how I’m going to do this, but timing is seldom perfect and lessons to be learned will come to us at the right time, whether we are ready or not.

I feel bad that it has been you who has worn the physical scars, but it is me who has felt the pain within my heart of these unfortunate mishaps. I have nobody but myself to thank for it and it’s just frustration speaking right now. I know the sooner you are fixed or covered for that fact, the sooner I will move past this.

I’m sorry….and while your physical attributes may be a little flawed on the outside right now and not all battle scars are beautiful, it is me who knows what lies beyond the appearance and nothing has changed. You are as beautiful as ever. 

I am sorry this has happened and I’m sorry for my rush and my ability to focus and pay proper attention in a time that requires constant concentration. 


We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

6 thoughts on “Apology to my car….

  1. Sorry this happened to you. But it could have been worse…at least these are the comforting words I tell myself like a mantra when these things happen to me (and they do!). The horoscope is not a fake? That’s creepy! Then again, be glad it is only a dent, albeit a “pretty” one (how did you manage to get these curves into the yellow scratches?). With a horoscope like that you also could have taken a deer through the windshield (don’t know if there are deers in your area). So you almost need to consider yourself lucky you got away with this one….again, sorry, this is a typical me, always trying to find something good in whatever happens.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words I truly appreciate them. They are much after my own personal mantra of always looking for the silver lining and seeing the lesson in everything in a positive way. I love your outlook and it’s always up to us how we interpret the negative.
      Perhaps the yellow curvy swirls came by having to back up after the initial contact with the pole since I didn’t want the graffiti stretch across the entire car. Lol and as a child bright yellow like this was always my favorite color so maybe that can help as well. 😉
      You are right and I do have tons of deer which I’m always worried about driving at night. Thank you for offering an additional view and brightening my day. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel your pain, i have done similar things in my many cars over the years and as with your good self it is usually due to either being in a rush or not paying close enough attention, it is awful when it happens and you have a much closer relationship with your car than i do with mine. my response is usually anger then replaying it over and over in my head for weeks afterwards thinking “if i had only done this….”
    The horoscope there is freakishly accurate and kind of scary
    (also explains why i seem to connect to your words and views so much, i have the same star sign)
    Scars fade, and you will come back stronger for it. these things happen and the best way to think about it is to learn from it that way it doesn’t happen again.
    Hope you get your Pony fixed soon

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much and of course you are right. It’s just frustrating initially and so unnecessary, well an accident I guess that could have been avoided. But oh well….stuff happens.
      Thank you for your kind words and taking the time to comment.
      I hope I lifted the mystery about the mystery animal hehehehe


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