The Crone’s Prayer

I have spent quite some time with the Crone lately. She intrigues me and inspires me on my journey of becoming her. New material keeps popping up everywhere about her. Things I am meant to find. Things meant to stir and guide me along. Just like this prayer…the prayer of the Crone.

“We are the women who sit between the mountains and the sea, between the earth and the stars.

We are the women who see the white hair of the Ancient Mother lying on the mountains.

We are the women who lie beneath her cloak of night that encompasses the land that sleeps.

Ancient Mother of the stars, of the winter, of souls. We are the women who remember you in our hearts and in our wombs.

Bless us so we may know you when the Moon is hidden. When our bleeding comes. When the winds are cold and the days are dark.

Bless us so we embrace the sacredness of darkness and to see the seed of the light that is to come.”

The Crone

Today I want to revisit our Triple Goddess from the other day and this post is mainly about the Crone. The dictionary defines her as a cruel, old woman who is thin and ugly, but who is she really? She is in all of us to some extent. I don’t see her like that at all and to me she is beautiful, the living embodiment of the Maiden, the Mother and now the Crone. Don’t see her as your eyes might see her, old, debilitated, with her prime life passed. See her with your heart. See the completion and the fulfillment of the Triple Goddess, the experiences, the lessons, her achievements and even her shortcomings. She has earned her wisdom and she has paid her dues. She didn’t get here by mere chance. She is forged of trial, tribulations, and errors. Pain has been one of her greatest teachers. Adversity has made her stronger and turned her into a Warrior. She has gotten up more times than she has fallen. She has a fighting spirit and she doesn’t give up easily. She knows how to be playful and nurturing, but she is often alone, and chooses her battles these days. She alone decides what is worth fighting for and what is not.

She is the Crone. The most dangerous, most radical, most revolutionary woman in existence. She exudes confidentiality and at times she is a threat to those, less confident who yet have to walk the path. She might intimidate as she knows exactly what she wants and only a strong, secure soul can handle her wild spirit as her partner in crime and throughout life. Whether in fairytales or in conventual reality, the old one goes where she wants to and she acts as she wishes. The filters have been removed. There is no one left that she needs to impress. She tells it how it is, without fear of who will be by her side. She lives as she chooses and she has long followed her own drumbeat. She is not afraid to stand alone and she has learned that a big part of this winding, twisting journey has to be walked alone. And it is as it should be. No one can stop her, nor ought they try.

Magical Moments

Artwork by me and available here. I made these for Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, Christmas tree ornaments or decoration for any time of year. These beauties are wood burned, hand painted and can be personalized with your initials and special year. I call them Love-Birds and Love-Nest.

Creation and art is a big part of my life and if I don’t do anything crafty for awhile, it’s almost like getting withdrawals. I miss it. But whether we consider ourselves crafty in the arts or not, in fact we are always creating something. Maybe not a Picasso but for instant creating our life is a work of art all in its own. In a way, we all, always create and the masterpiece is up to us.

A wonderful quote popped up while I was working on these wood slices and here it is. May these magical moments always find you and be a constant companion throughout the creation of your life.

“Why do we close our eyes when we pray, when we cry, when we kiss, when we dream; because the most beautiful things in our life are not seen but felt only by the heart.”

-Unknown

Party of a lifetime

Burning Man recently concluded here in the US, and I wanted to share a sneak peek if you don’t know what it is. It is the party of a lifetime, filled with creativity, music, and art.

I live close to where this annual festival takes place and draws people from all over the world. It’s a place to express your own uniqueness with the opportunity to be anything and anyone you’d like to be. It’s pretend play where like minded stressed minds escape the reality of day to day life and dress in steampunk attire, various other characters, or little to no clothing outfits. You should see the lines on opening day. Probably worse than any traffic jam you ever found yourself in. Just to see the artwork would be amazing, and several pieces always get donated to the city each year once the festival concludes. The sheer size of them is amazing, and being covered in layers of fine white sandstorm dust surely presents a transportation problem.

Chim, chimney, chim chimney, chim chim cheroo

I swear there used to be a song with these lyrics about a chimney sweeper, but I don’t remember. Today was a big day and the chimney sweeper was scheduled to come by this morning. It must have been thirty some years since I last have seen one, so naturally it was a big deal for me. I hope it wasn’t the reason as to why I couldn’t sleep and was still awake at 2AM, but you never know. I got up at 7 and tinkered around the house for awhile. Around 10AM, the door bell rang and I hit the buzzer. “Hello, chimney sweeper here” I heard the young man announce himself while entering the house. He was dressed all in black, the only thing that was slightly off, was that the top hat (somehow I thought he would wear a top hat) was replaced by a black beanie. He smiled as I said Hi back and after I immediately reached out to shake his hand. I didn’t even think about him covered in black soot, but I had to make a good first impression. It’s not every day you see a chimney sweeper and I had a little bit of an agenda, I have to admit. He came upstairs and inquired about Mom and it appeared that he missed her being here. He said that he always enjoys her company and to please tell her to get well soon. I thought that it was very sweet of him and saw it as the perfect moment to announce my agenda.

“I have an unusual request and a silly question” I said. He looked surprised but reassured me that there are no silly questions and to ask away. “Do you think that I could take a picture of you when all this is said and done. It’s kind of a big deal for me to see a chimney sweeper and Mom will be happy as well”. He smiled again, saying “of course, we will take care of it at the end”.

Further up the attic he went and although I didn’t follow to see him work, I could hear the sweeping inside the chimney just fine. All the way down in the cellar was were the two little metal doors are located for both chimneys. He unlocked one at a time and carefully loaded his little shovel full of soot, and then emptying it into a small metal bucket. And of course it was black as well. All done, we were still laughing at the adventures of this old house, and my own journey of what it’s been like with the frozen pipe etc. Good thing I can look back and laugh about the nightmare now. From camping inside the house, to the standing water which by now had recited a little bit but was still there, and how nice and cool it was down in the cellar in the summer month. I still didn’t care to be down there, I’d rather sweat and deal with the cobwebs and creepy rounded torture like, ancient space full of crawlers. All there was left to do was take a picture in full armor with tools and all. He was such a good sport about it and I swear I will print the picture out, and hang it on the chimney for him to take the next time a sweep is due.

Even more unusual and without knowing it prior, there are many tales about chimney sweepers bringing good fortune and wealth. It is also said that it will bring good luck to shake the hand of a chimney sweeper. I usually don’t shake hands as a form of greeting with a handyman or a stranger like that. Even more unusual with someone that is covered in black soot, not that I’m afraid of getting dirty. I didn’t care and my hand was extended before I even realized what happened. What exactly did happen and how did it happen? Did my conscience know about the tale of shaking the hand of a chimney sweeper? Was that what the excitement was all about, why I didn’t sleep the night before and was there some luck that was waiting to be evoked? I know the skeptics might thing this is a ridiculous thought, but something sticks her for me and I like the ring this has to it. What can say “I’m a dreamer”

Days like these

Today belongs to me and there are few things that could make it feel better than it already is. Officially the holiday stress and the annual inventory right after the beginning of the New Year has ended for me. I’m waiving it goodbye, without turning back to watch it disappear. Bye bye…I won’t miss you. I would like to say until next time, but I’m not so sure right now if there will be another and I’m leaning towards that I rather there won’t be another. Hard work with little time to do what truly matters is becoming such a waste of time to me these days and I have to do some prioritizing while there is still time. What made it even worse was that I got sick at the tail end with Vertigo that lasted a few weeks. Thank goodness it has passed for the most part and I feel that I might recover on my own without the need of physical therapy. Which is great news all in all, fingers crossed that I will continue to climb my uphill battle.After a blizzard like, scary, dark, slippery ride home from work last evening, I’m off for the next two days. It’s been storming non stop outside and Mother Nature has really pulled a few numbers since the beginning of this year. Record levels of snow have fallen already of which later turned to non stop rain, causing over 1300 homes being evacuated due to river flooding within the last two days. Today we are back to snow and over 20 feet of snow has fallen in parts of the Sierra since 2017 has made its debut. As if it wasn’t enough and it’s not over yet and predicted to last through Thursday, with 10 more feet of snow on the way today. 

I love stormy days like this when I’m tucked safely inside my castle (a Cancers home 😉) and have the day to do what I want. I went to sleep last night listening to the storm, knowing that I had nowhere to be while the wind and the rain was pounding against my window. Later on the rain was replaced by an eerie silence and the night sky was illuminated by heavy snowflakes falling from the heavens as the temperatures were dropping. 

Today there are no chores (well a tiny few must do’s), and deadlines are replaced with a little writing, painting, listening to music while lounging in my favorite onesie, watching a movie while sipping green tea and hot chocolate and maybe a bubble bath later on. Does it get any better than this? 

Everything has its time and place, but I also realize that I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge my yearning and excitement that has me looking forward to an adventure outside. It looks like I will be doing a lot of snowshoeing this year since most of my favorite parts will be covered in a deep snowpack for quiet some time. Perhaps a perfect time to visit the ocean and soak up some sun. I can hear the annual Monterey trip calling my name and I can see myself walking the beach, picking up seashells and other treasures along the way. “Holy rocks” from one of my favorite beaches, feathers and lobster claws included are amongst some of my favorites. Yeah I’m nerdy like that and it has always been the little things, (most of them are free) that have become my biggest treasures. All accompanied by great memories and tons of pictures to hold on to those very moments. Being allowed to experience those times is what makes it priceless to me and it doesn’t matter what it is or where I go, it is the journey of getting there and all it’s little moments that make it so special and memorable. We’ll see where the wind will take me and as I also have family in Vegas in February which could be a little escape and an awesome visit to connect. 

Living on the California border has its advantages and offers a quick escape to milder climates, as well as snow free hiking. I’m not worried about not getting outside, but I am anxious for that first trip, taking that deeeep, deeeep breath of gratitude, that sigh of relief while feeling everything inside restored as the stresses melt away by allowing Mother Nature to fix it all. 

The only thing better that can top this is….to share it with special people if you can. People that understand and feel the same way without any words ever needing to be exchanged. 

They say a picture says a thousand words and I would agree. But I would like to add to it by saying….

It only takes one moment and one look, exchanged in silence that speaks louder than words and says it all. 

Feeling better….

The hot water was running over my backside, loosening my sore muscles as I stood motionless in the oversized shower that could easily accommodate two. As always, I was the only visitor and I was alone. A steamy, hot occasion due to hot water and not much else, but nevertheless covering the bathroom in a mysterious shroud, a veil of fog and dewy humidity. Standing there, head down, facing the large shower head, I closed my eyes and allowed time to stand still. I didn’t think of anything. My back was slightly arched, one leg extended straight and the other one bent at the knee, causing my hip to shift to one side. My hands, as if I was reaching to the heavens were planted just above my shoulders and found their way pressed against the tile in front of me. Fingers spread apart to grip as much heaven as possible. There I was, standing in silence with nothing more than the water splashing against my naked body, as if I was to find strength in that moment and rinse my soul anew. To take away the stresses that had entered my life while breaking me down and allowing sickness to creep it’s ugly head into my life. A few minutes went by until the water started to run cooler, calling me back to reality. It was also the moment that I allowed thoughts back into my mind and you might find this statement strange. As far as I know, most people would probably agree that their mind is always busy and that they never stop thinking about something. That the voice inside their head never subside, and that there is a presence, a disruption, a distraction which I simple refer to as the “Noise” of our lives. I envision it like the TV channel that has gone off the air, displaying a black and white screen of nothing, with a noise vibration as if you didn’t quiet tune into the station a 100%. 

I’m not sure when and how, but somehow I learned to stop and escape my own noise, to find myself in calm and peaceful surroundings while stopping time and float weightlessly. Perhaps it’s a form of meditation, of way letting go, giving up any resistance, a time that is to be enjoyed, worry free by experiencing the current moment, the “Now”. A moment that knows no worries about the future and has no regrets about the passed, it’s a time of just letting it all unfold the way it’s meant to be. I felt at ease as I was reflecting back to the end of 2016 and the beginning of a New Year. The holidays had come and gone for me without much significance. I spent them away from my family, the people I loved and sadly in the end I just wanted the hectic to be over with. Working in retail finally managed to catch up with me and despite resting as much as possible during this crazy, mad, daily shoppers attack, it wore me down and I ended up getting sick the morning of Christmas Eve. In true trooper fashion, I had almost made it to the end, almost….but 2016 had other plans and wasn’t quiet finished with me yet, or so it seemed. But still….I was at peace. 

I woke up Christmas Eve to a spinning room and it felt all too familiar. It wasn’t too long ago that I had experienced this once before. The spinning wasn’t as violent with the first time being far worse, but it was still enough to leave me lightheaded and nauseous for the remainder of the day. With a pressing headache and feeling off balance, I’m not sure how I managed to work the entire day, but I did. In the evening I got worse, slept through Christmas Day and was down for nearly five days before I regained enough cognitive skills to be able to function and go back to work. The initial spinning was worse during the first time but the recovery period was a lot faster than the second time with the symptoms only lasting for that day. The diagnosis at the doctors office was Vertigo, stemming from an inner ear problem such an infection or “Chrystal’s” being out of place. I never heard of such a thing (Chrystal’s in your ear) but quickly learned how miserable these symptoms can leave you feeling. I was sensitive to noise, people talking too loud and I can now imagine how people must feel that suffer frequently from migraines. 

This is my first post since December 23rd and please know that you all, my wordpress family have been sorely missed. I thank you for reaching out to me, for your kind words and for missing my presence. I hope that I can return to regular postings as the headaches are getting better and I fight myself back to the characteristics of my favorite animal, the bear. 

Strong, wild and free. (But most of all feeling tons better) Grrrrr…..

Spiritual awakening – Stage 5

This stage had a big calling for me and it was said to be the stage of developing your spiritual gifts. The beginning of seeking a deeper connection with the source as you continue to tap into new learnings and miracles that are unfolding right before your eyes. Even though stage 5 is your main stage at this point, it is not uncommon to experience previous learnings and stages at the same time. You are just further in the process with more things making sense and coming full circle. But more about this later which is better described in stage 6.
Typical events experienced during this stage include:
Meditating – I believe meditation comes in many different forms. Most people might envision a person sitting on the ground, legs crossed in front of them with their eyes closed. To me, meditation was everything that calmed my soul and gave me peace of mind. It was something that I found in doing the things I loved whether it was doing art, listening to music or in my voracious reading attempts. It was fuel for my soul, but the most peaceful feeling I experienced out of all, was when I was in nature and felt as if I had returned home. And while I experienced joy in all activities, it was always nature that evoked that deep breath and a deep sigh of renewal. As if I was reborn and had acquired the strength to continue in real life and reality. 
It tied in with the experience of other mindful activities that were described which could also include yoga and Qigong. 
Creating was another, including painting, writing, singing etc. This one was huge for me as well with some activities spanning over several years. The paintings started after Sparky’s death and a talent or passion for such had prior been undiscovered. So did the writing and it was just recently that I had been inspired to pursue my passion of becoming a storyteller, a healer, somebody to share their own experiences in the hopes of benefitting others. I wrote a few times before but never at the level I am doing now and this blog is still in its infant stages. 
Other example events were studying healing modalities such Reiki. Honing your intuition by doing your own angel card readings. Strengthening your relationship with your spiritual guides and wanting to heal the world. 
Big daunting tasks that might seem overwhelming and you might ask yourself “Me, little ole me….heal the world”?. How exactly am I going to do that? I sure spend some time thinking about it and I have come to the conclusion that all I can ever do, is to do my part. To find my place and hopefully inspire a few along the way. I’m one, standing against the many who are still asleep, but I’m not alone and everybody has the potential to make a difference and contribute in their own way. Asleep or awake, we each have to find our own path and together we become the many that impact our daily life’s. 
Typical emotions expressed during this stage are said to be joy and eagerness, feeling the reconnection with yourself through your higher source. Finding your purpose and what you were meant to do, wanting to share your gift with others. It was a time things began to make more sense as it left me at a better vantage point to explain the emotions and experiences that I was living through. Intuitions materialized and premonitions became true. In many ways I felt as if I had become my own healer. I was on to improving my health and to live a healthier life style. Be more aware of healing foods and strangely, here too, it was that I searched the all knowing web and felt many times as if I had read these articles before. Or maybe I was doing something already without ever reading it. Being guided as if an inner voice was steering me. It was strange and it was something I couldn’t explain at the time. And then Pinterest came to my aid once more and I came across the mentioning of being an “Old soul” and a whole new roam to explore. 

Tired….so tired.

Ughhhh….I’m tired and if I wasn’t already, I definitely feel the holiday stresses catching up. More and more I find myself just vegetating away after work in the little time that seems to be left, playing a game on the iPad to relax and just “Be”. A game that requires no concentration while drowning out all noise as I play it in silent mode. The rest is filled with reading (my main read has been mailed off to be autographed and I’m waiting patiently for its return), when I’m not writing or another creative outlet to allow my mind to dangle carefree with not a single thought in mind. I had every intention to write this morning but my mind seems to be a bit foggy as it is resting up for another day of retail madness hahaha. I find myself sliding more and more towards the majority of people asking “Is it over yet?” and it truly makes me sad. It takes away from the true meaning of a time that should be filled with magic and wonder. I’m sure many people feel like this as the stresses mount and I hope you find time to pause and do something that allows your soul to marvel. Heck, I hope I do so myself. I feel like I’m sleeping my life away right now as I try to rest enough to stay healthy and make it through another day.
Another favorite outlet is music and art for me, which I often combine. Listening to music while creating something that is one of a kind is very soothing and feeds my ever growing need to create. It actually ties into one of the stages of spiritual awakening which will be the next chapter I write.

My paintings are fed by intuition and the events that happen in my life. Therefore they often become very personal to me as they remind me and resemble a certain time of my life. 

Here is an unfinished painting I started awhile back before I first stumbled across the article about spiritual awakening. It’s a bit creepy and you can see the similarities in my painting and the picture of the article, even though I had never seen it before. The Rays coming from the head, perhaps energy fields, waking up…..I’m not sure how my mind painted something I had never seen, something I would stumble across at a later time. You can imagine my astonishment and surprise as I saw the article. It looked strangely familiar, but I couldn’t place it at first until I saw my unfinished painting sitting in the corner, resembling those same lines emitting from the person. ??????

Creepy? What do you think….? Was my mind and subconscious trying to show me something? Divine intervention perhaps? A nudge from the divine universe?

The picture from the article I read…..

My unfinished painting….notice the lines and eyes closed in both pictures as if taking in a greater meaning, awareness, a spiritual awakening of the mind.

Spiritual awakening – Stage 4

Stage 4 in my journey was “Seeking to understand” and I definitely knew something had changed within. I was on to something, I just didn’t know what. Life felt enriched in many ways and yet I couldn’t put my finger on it to explain how so. Besides, there was also confusion when hunches materialized. It felt as if I had experienced something before, and yet I knew all too well that I had never been in those situations before. My perception had shifted and I felt more aware of everything around me. I had questions, but more so I felt strangely at ease and contend with how life was progressing.Stage 4 was described as seeing magic in the mundane and I remember straightening the sales floor one evening, preparing the store for the next shopping day. Not exactly a job that required a lot of brains and it was definitively different from what I was used to while running my own store. It was a non challenging task, a part of my job that could feel downright boring and mundane. There was nothing liberating about completing this task, it was simply just work, a means to pass the time, making a living and it was lacking a feeling of accomplishment. The job got done, but it held little significance to me, even though it was a task that couldn’t be compromised and had to be completed. Something happened that particular night and I remembered the movie “Night at the museum” with Ben Stiller guarding all the treasures inside the museum. Strangely I identified with this role as if it was up to me, the closing manager, to return all the toys to their rightful spot since they had gotten lost throughout the day. And just like that there was “Magic in the mundane”. A make believe fairytale, a land far away with all the toys coming to life long after everybody was gone. Of course that wouldn’t happen in reality but magic is reality to the one who believes and sees magic all around. And if not so then it was definitely the beginning of me going crazy haha. 
Some typical event of this stage to be experienced were: 
The thirst for spiritual knowledge – I found myself spending less time on social media, especially Facebook. Pinterest continued to be my best friend, flashing new pins at me that corresponded and tied in with prior saved ones, promoting my thirsting knowledge to grow even more.
Voracious reading – was an active part in my discovery and I realized that the stages I had experienced so far where much more than a phase. It wasn’t something that I completed and had moved on from, but it was something that was here to stay and to be experienced over and over. Something to add to my repertoire that enriched my soul and was here to stay with me forever. 

New books were flooding my home in the quest to learn more, seeking to understand. They were books connected to the soul, self help, the words of others who had experienced what I was going through and even a book talking about conversations with God. It was also a time I stumbled across Buddhism and Hinduism which I related to in many ways and felt connected.
It was a time said that you might seek like minded individual to share your findings – I was still a bit reluctant to share my experiences, in part due to not fully understanding them myself. I knew that it was during this phase that it must have felt to friends and family as if I had vanished off the planet. I didn’t keep up with connections as much as I should have been, or should I had? In prior times, everybody always came before me. It wasn’t that I became selfish overnight, but I was going through something, something I couldn’t explain just yet. I was on a journey to either find myself or return back home to myself and to who I was meant to be. I had felt lost for a long time and it was time to take care of myself for once. How was I going to explain that to anybody? I knew there was no way that I could have articulated that one, nevertheless trying to share it with somebody in the hopes that they could relate and understand what I was talking about. 
It was also mentioned that you might seek physic readings or attend a workshop. Although intriguing, I never did. Yet, that was and I say “Never say never”. As of now there are no plans to do so, but if one crosses my path at the right time, I can see it to be very possible that I will indulge. 
Another event could be traveling to sacred places such as Sedona, Stonehenge or Machu Picchu. My experience with such will require a separate post as there is so much to be said. 
And last but not least was seeking your true purpose. Something that could be experienced through really any stage. It’s another big one, one that makes me wonder how you might feel about this and if you have ever wondered about your purpose here on earth? Is there something that we are meant to do, and how do we know if and when we are doing it? For me it was and continues to be something that is connected to my core, my soul, something I feel deep inside. Something that is hard to explain but what is filled with the gratitude of being allowed to make a difference, or at least trying to do so and being able to see the bigger picture through increased intuition. The effort and desire to give it my best shot. It’s something that bestows the gift of awareness, letting me take it all in without taking anything for granted and finding joy in the simple things of life. The little things that often become the big things in life. Finding magic in the mundane and the strength to pursue and change my stars as I see them fit. It’s something that gives me the patience to endure by knowing that everything is how it is meant to be, even though there are big changes ahead in my immediate future. So the statement of “Hang in there” or “Everything will be ok” is out of place here and everything is already the way it is meant to be. If it has not progressed further, it is merely because another lesson needs to be learned to make the victory even sweeter. 
Typical emotions experienced during this phase are joy and exhilaration. I didn’t know how to articulate what had changed but I was happy that it did and I marveled in the feeling of bliss. Life had just become a little easier, maybe even a bit more enjoyable and the mundane tasks weren’t all that bad after all. 

There was also said to be impatience, a feeling that was described as not being able to learn fast enough. I was hungry and I had a yearning for knowledge, that was for sure. Sometimes it caused me to dabble in multiple books at the same time, but I wouldn’t label it as impatience. 
Xoxoxo ❤️