Posted in Chronic illness, Courage, Pain

When an old friend stops by

Once more the pain has increased over the last couple of days. I am no stranger to it and I have been here many times before. I have written about welcoming every guest into our home, no matter who shows up. I have written about my challenges with the pain body and I have even mentioned that one of my goals is to write a book on embracing the pain. I remind myself that even the toughest days pass, that nothing lasts forever, while acknowledging the hint of sorrow and depression that slowly creeps in due to chronic, a constant nagging pain.

It’s true, I have been a lot better for a little over a month now. Better compared to how it could be, and still the pain never fully subsides. All it is, is days with less or more struggle to accomplish basic tasks. As I woke this morning, some fingers were extremely swollen, following a mostly sleepless night. After dressing myself and easing into the day, I felt enveloped by sadness. Staring out the window, into space, an empty gaze and simply being tired of this vicious cycle. Sometimes it’s just hard to embrace this feeling and welcome this old friend, isn’t it? Sometimes our wisdom and knowledge goes right out of the window and we just have to work through the emotions of it. Maybe welcoming an old friend means having a cry together. Maybe it means pausing and taking a moment to identify a lack, an injustice we are doing to ourselves. Maybe it is realizing we haven’t taken the best care of ourselves. How has our nutrition been, did we drink enough water, have we allowed stress and worry to creep in, has the balance tipped, have we put ourself last instead of first? For me it’s a combination of all of it and I am learning to remember that pain is an outcry and your body’s way of telling you that something is out of balance. So while it might appear hard to embrace pain when we are hurting so much, perhaps we can see it in a form of warning and lack. From there we can eliminate or adjust what is tipping the balance, and from there we forge and create better days ahead.


We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

27 thoughts on “When an old friend stops by

  1. Empathy and compassion for this dear lady, acknowledged from my own journey. Some days just test us a ‘bit’ more than others…some days ‘they’ just want us to know we are alive…really alive! Hugs coming at you, if but a distraction for those ‘bits’ that test us 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 😂 🤣

    Liked by 4 people

  2. This really resonates I had to really hold my hurting self tenderly today the voices and pain were intense. Then I met friends and when we started to connect suddenly everyone left. I just held myself through that too. It’s old pain. Feeling myself in the outside. Your higher power loves you, you are lived, never forget that. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. ❤🌹❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh I know how that feels too and it’s a lonely sad feeling. But you are strong as well and you are acknowledging and shedding awareness which brings an understanding that helps you to deal with it. Not everybody can experience that and you have much clarity than most. I love that you understand that and because of it you will always find your way. I see you ..namaste 🙏🏼💙

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes they do and I get it that it’s hard to remember when we are engulfed by the darkness. Sending love and light and hope you already feel much better since we last talked. 💙


      2. I get it and I had a day like this just a few days ago with a post called “sometimes” going out today. I think sometimes we just need to allow these feelings to come and go without suppressing them. I have learned a great deal from the darkness and it is equally important just as the light. Take some time for yourself. You are already doing self care by acknowledging everything that is. Blessings. 💙


  3. Sorry you are dealing with pain again/still!!! The medication they gave me when I’ve had gout flare ups really works great for joint pain and swelling. Indomethacin has really worked for me. Maybe you can get your doctor to let you try it on a trial basis??? 😊💕🌹

    Liked by 1 person

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