I heard this song the other and it speaks to me on various levels right now.
The relationship between Mom and me has developed to a caring and loving point. She now turns sad when I have to leave for the day or if I can’t come to see her. She waits until I finally arrive each day and it feels as if everything is ok once I finally do. I left a little early to go groceries shopping yesterday, and she said that she wished she could come along. Today I told her that I wouldn’t be here tomorrow and I could see the sadness all over her face. “Maybe you can spend the night here one day” she said and I didn’t know how to answer. I didn’t even know if such a thing would be allowed. I still struggle to see her in her current circumstances, and sometimes I still don’t think that she belongs where she is right now. She receives the best care possible, and I know it is where she has to remain to get well. Sometimes I just feel like “We gotta get away from here” when I see her suppress her tears from me. She has changed into everything I have always wanted. She is kind, receptive, understanding and compassionate. Not that she hasn’t been before, but this is a whole new level of non comparison to prior times. She is a changed person and the hardness and stern way of being has vanished. She is respectful and he finally accepted me as her daughter. And it’s even more than that and I think she enjoys it. In addition to acceptance I can see the love she carries for me and sometimes there might be even a little pride in who she has raised. Now that everything is better than i could ever imagine, my heart breaks anew and I don’t know if there is ever a win on this situation. Someone always hurts, someone is always left behind and I will always feel torn in between.