Posted in Life, Mom

Sign of the times

I heard this song the other and it speaks to me on various levels right now.

The relationship between Mom and me has developed to a caring and loving point. She now turns sad when I have to leave for the day or if I can’t come to see her. She waits until I finally arrive each day and it feels as if everything is ok once I finally do. I left a little early to go groceries shopping yesterday, and she said that she wished she could come along. Today I told her that I wouldn’t be here tomorrow and I could see the sadness all over her face. “Maybe you can spend the night here one day” she said and I didn’t know how to answer. I didn’t even know if such a thing would be allowed. I still struggle to see her in her current circumstances, and sometimes I still don’t think that she belongs where she is right now. She receives the best care possible, and I know it is where she has to remain to get well. Sometimes I just feel like “We gotta get away from here” when I see her suppress her tears from me. She has changed into everything I have always wanted. She is kind, receptive, understanding and compassionate. Not that she hasn’t been before, but this is a whole new level of non comparison to prior times. She is a changed person and the hardness and stern way of being has vanished. She is respectful and he finally accepted me as her daughter. And it’s even more than that and I think she enjoys it. In addition to acceptance I can see the love she carries for me and sometimes there might be even a little pride in who she has raised. Now that everything is better than i could ever imagine, my heart breaks anew and I don’t know if there is ever a win on this situation. Someone always hurts, someone is always left behind and I will always feel torn in between.

Author:

We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

8 thoughts on “Sign of the times

  1. In life, there will be always trade-offs. Focus on your renewed relationship, and feel this is special. Focus on the moment, cherish the day and don’t think too much about the future. Al will be fine, eventually. Keep the faith!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re are absolutely right and nothing is ever free. I always say that we can’t have it all, but we can still dream. We are both just going through a period of adjustment and eventually all will be ok. You know I believe… hugs

      Liked by 1 person

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