Posted in Life, Mom

Sign of the times

I heard this song the other and it speaks to me on various levels right now.

The relationship between Mom and me has developed to a caring and loving point. She now turns sad when I have to leave for the day or if I can’t come to see her. She waits until I finally arrive each day and it feels as if everything is ok once I finally do. I left a little early to go groceries shopping yesterday, and she said that she wished she could come along. Today I told her that I wouldn’t be here tomorrow and I could see the sadness all over her face. “Maybe you can spend the night here one day” she said and I didn’t know how to answer. I didn’t even know if such a thing would be allowed. I still struggle to see her in her current circumstances, and sometimes I still don’t think that she belongs where she is right now. She receives the best care possible, and I know it is where she has to remain to get well. Sometimes I just feel like “We gotta get away from here” when I see her suppress her tears from me. She has changed into everything I have always wanted. She is kind, receptive, understanding and compassionate. Not that she hasn’t been before, but this is a whole new level of non comparison to prior times. She is a changed person and the hardness and stern way of being has vanished. She is respectful and he finally accepted me as her daughter. And it’s even more than that and I think she enjoys it. In addition to acceptance I can see the love she carries for me and sometimes there might be even a little pride in who she has raised. Now that everything is better than i could ever imagine, my heart breaks anew and I don’t know if there is ever a win on this situation. Someone always hurts, someone is always left behind and I will always feel torn in between.

Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

8 thoughts on “Sign of the times

    1. You’re are absolutely right and nothing is ever free. I always say that we can’t have it all, but we can still dream. We are both just going through a period of adjustment and eventually all will be ok. You know I believe… hugs

      Liked by 1 person

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