Posted in Death, Loss, Mom

The Waves of Grief

Dear Mom,

I’ve been thinking so much about you lately. It’s hard to believe you’ve been gone for over 6 months. The first three month were the hardest as I cried every day and tears became a normal part of my life. It was just the way it was, normal to start my day with tears, end the day with tears, and fight my way through the rest of the day, fighting back the tears.

Slowly things got a little better and I learned to live with this new pain of losing you. A pain that would be with me for the rest of my life. The gaps between the tears got wider, and some days I even managed not to cry at all, to the point of feeling somewhat normal, and having adapted to you not being here anymore. That was until recently and a new wave has rushed over me, visiting me more and more frequent. I miss you so much as my thoughts and heart keeps wandering to you. I’ve been creating many homemade goods lately, and this was always something we could connect about. It was something that made you proud of me as well as left you astonished a time or too when I exceeded your expectations and imagination. A picture of us is in the space where I create from, and you continue to be with me all the way.

I find myself drawn, drawn to a home that was your home for so many years. I ventured out into the world, lived my life, accomplished great things and success, and now I’m tired and this life no longer fits. I continue to strive for less, a quaint life that entails much less, but also so much more. I’ve been out into the world and today I see it with new eyes. There is a hunger, a wanderlust to see more, but differently. I miss visiting you at the last place I can visit you, your final resting place with Dad.

In a way I am glad you don’t have to experience what is going on in the world right now. It would be so scary and I would worry so much for your well being. I am glad you are not locked into a nursing home that I couldn’t visit no matter how close I was to you. That would be awful to not being able to hug you, to spend time with you, not seeing you. Many are in those situations right now and my heart goes out to everyone during this tough time.

I miss you Mom and life will never be the same without you.

Author:

We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

21 thoughts on “The Waves of Grief

  1. It is a difficult thing to go through such a painful time as this…but as you are now noticing, beyond it is another world. Your mom gave you that ability to now ‘see’ what really matters, letting go of things that really hold no purpose and hold again those things that do. Self love does that, and your mom helped build it by being exactly who she was, sharing that beauty that was her, in her actions or love…and both.
    When you cry your love is spilling over, a greater love you cannot give…to you and her ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My mother also died about 10 months ago, and the grief has come back, too. I have had very similar thoughts as yours. My sincerest condolences. ❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Great minds think alike my dear friend, no matter the subject. It is bittersweet for sure and while the heart wants one thing, the mind knows and can think more rational. Thank you for the hug. Sending one right back to you with a wish for you to stay safe.

      Liked by 1 person

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