I’ve been thinking so much about you lately. It’s hard to believe you’ve been gone for over 6 months. The first three month were the hardest as I cried every day and tears became a normal part of my life. It was just the way it was, normal to start my day with tears, end the day with tears, and fight my way through the rest of the day, fighting back the tears.
Slowly things got a little better and I learned to live with this new pain of losing you. A pain that would be with me for the rest of my life. The gaps between the tears got wider, and some days I even managed not to cry at all, to the point of feeling somewhat normal, and having adapted to you not being here anymore. That was until recently and a new wave has rushed over me, visiting me more and more frequent. I miss you so much as my thoughts and heart keeps wandering to you. I’ve been creating many homemade goods lately, and this was always something we could connect about. It was something that made you proud of me as well as left you astonished a time or too when I exceeded your expectations and imagination. A picture of us is in the space where I create from, and you continue to be with me all the way.
I find myself drawn, drawn to a home that was your home for so many years. I ventured out into the world, lived my life, accomplished great things and success, and now I’m tired and this life no longer fits. I continue to strive for less, a quaint life that entails much less, but also so much more. I’ve been out into the world and today I see it with new eyes. There is a hunger, a wanderlust to see more, but differently. I miss visiting you at the last place I can visit you, your final resting place with Dad.
In a way I am glad you don’t have to experience what is going on in the world right now. It would be so scary and I would worry so much for your well being. I am glad you are not locked into a nursing home that I couldn’t visit no matter how close I was to you. That would be awful to not being able to hug you, to spend time with you, not seeing you. Many are in those situations right now and my heart goes out to everyone during this tough time.
I miss you Mom and life will never be the same without you.