Today I am writing more wisdom stolen from the Velveteen Rabbit and I titled it “Becoming.” That is where my musings is taking me back today as I ponder the twists and turns of becoming. Becoming, what a process it is. Becoming takes a long time.
Becoming someone and something we aspire to be is a tough process. I wonder when this “becoming” has started. Is it when we finally choose for ourselves, when we make up our own mind, when we come to terms with what it means to us, is it then that we start to take the first step of becoming. Today I am walking down memory lane, revisiting the trials and tribulations of becoming. Of what it took (so far) and what lessons were learned along the way. Today I am pondering the process, while giving myself credit for all the hard work it took. I might just glance at a moment at what could have been done differently. But just for a moment. There is not much to look back to although there has been a ton. What I mean is that not much has substance anymore. I took my lessons and mulled them over so many times that there is nothing left, nothing to be extracted from anymore. Nothing to be learned, nothing to be gained and that’s a good thing. I am armored with the experiences of the past as I march forward in the process of becoming. It doesn’t mean that I’m untouchable and should wound be triggered that isn’t fully healed, this time around I am much more confident in saying that I know how to recognize it and most importantly, heal it.
Life is moving fast right now and my plate is full. I can feel a tug, a tearing away that feels as if it is trying to keep me from further becoming. Perhaps it is just reaching me in a different sense than I had pictured in my mind. Perhaps sometimes we get too busy and can’t sit back, taking in the process of becoming. Maybe we would stand in our own way if we did, trying to control the outcome, and therefore we have to be removed, side tracked, occupied, so we can look back later in hindsight when it all makes sense and when we recognize the process of becoming.
I know the process is there for me more than ever and I feel it every day. There is an inner revolution that is playing out, challenging the status quo and my core beliefs more than ever. Everything is reaching new levels and new heights and I couldn’t be more excited as well as grateful for this process that leaves me hungry for more. Yet it understands that patience is of the virtue and this time can’t be rushed. I wouldn’t want to miss a thing and the process of becoming is a truly beautiful thing. This uprising perhaps is not something everyone will get to experience but without a doubt will it be the greatest chapter in my book.
Another book has crossed my horizon, and heaven knows that I love to add books to my library. If you don’t know it by now, I am a bit of a bookworm and an old fashioned lover of holding the pages within my hand. There is no shortage of reading material in my world, and several books literally beg me to be pick them up. They are books I had for awhile, perhaps gifted and which time has not quite arrived yet. For now they remain unread, because a book speaks to me when it’s ready to be read and comes into my life with that exact purpose. It has to be read as a companion to my journey, a time that marks a paint of where I am now. “Hearticulations” from Jeff Brown is calling me and Jeff Brown has come up several times over the past weeks. I relate to his wisdom and just recently added this title to my library in the tiny abode.
This year has been much about pain and how to embrace the darkness. So much indeed that I decided to write my own book about the topic and journal my personal journey and experiences. Deep down some tough lessons were learned but strangely I wouldn’t change a thing. Not even if I could. In a passage from his own book Jeff mentions that you can’t talk about your purpose without talking about your pain. This resonates deeply with me and there have been many times that I have questioned my purpose this year. I couldn’t see that the pain body was still unfolding, still teaching me lessons and therefore a talk about the pain and my purpose was not possible. Not to the point of leveling up and reaching new heights. Not to the point of coming to terms and moving further along in the journey.
I felt lost at times, unable to see what’s next and it required a lot of faith and a mindset that kept me going and trust the process. I had to believe the unproven, the facts that were non existing. I had to take that leap of faith all over again. It’s tempting wanting to focus only on the light of our calling and offerings – but that’s only half the truth and we know that life is not all about love and light. It’s about darkness and challenges. Trials and errors. Experiences and learning lessons. The other half – and in many cases, far more than half – is the relationship between our painful life experiences and the life purposes that they forged. There’s a reason why people who had it easier, often find it difficult to find their true-path. Have you ever noticed this, it can be seen in the simplest of examples, and you might think that nothing bad has ever happened to that person. In reality they become sheltered individuals, lacking certain survival skills to make it in today’s world. “Bad” is how we might initially interpret the experience, but when you see it from this angle, it might also be a blessing. A fortunate gift within an unfortunate experience. Without something to overcome, they lack the resilience necessary to find their purpose in a distractive world. Working through and overcoming our traumas ignites our resilience, and lights a fire of sacred purpose deep within our souls. When we see how hurtful the world can be, we also see the many ways that we can make a difference. In the heart of our suffering, the calling to heal this bloodied planet. Let’s get to work. You are needed.
The universe aways replaces what exits your life with something bigger and better. Don’t be stuck holding onto the past or resisting change. Welcome new energy. Let go of what needs to be removed. There’s great blessings in surrender and allowing.
I have spent quite some time with the Crone lately. She intrigues me and inspires me on my journey of becoming her. New material keeps popping up everywhere about her. Things I am meant to find. Things meant to stir and guide me along. Just like this prayer…the prayer of the Crone.
“We are the women who sit between the mountains and the sea, between the earth and the stars.
We are the women who see the white hair of the Ancient Mother lying on the mountains.
We are the women who lie beneath her cloak of night that encompasses the land that sleeps.
Ancient Mother of the stars, of the winter, of souls. We are the women who remember you in our hearts and in our wombs.
Bless us so we may know you when the Moon is hidden. When our bleeding comes. When the winds are cold and the days are dark.
Bless us so we embrace the sacredness of darkness and to see the seed of the light that is to come.”
Today I want to revisit our Triple Goddess from the other day and this post is mainly about the Crone. The dictionary defines her as a cruel, old woman who is thin and ugly, but who is she really? She is in all of us to some extent. I don’t see her like that at all and to me she is beautiful, the living embodiment of the Maiden, the Mother and now the Crone. Don’t see her as your eyes might see her, old, debilitated, with her prime life passed. See her with your heart. See the completion and the fulfillment of the Triple Goddess, the experiences, the lessons, her achievements and even her shortcomings. She has earned her wisdom and she has paid her dues. She didn’t get here by mere chance. She is forged of trial, tribulations, and errors. Pain has been one of her greatest teachers. Adversity has made her stronger and turned her into a Warrior. She has gotten up more times than she has fallen. She has a fighting spirit and she doesn’t give up easily. She knows how to be playful and nurturing, but she is often alone, and chooses her battles these days. She alone decides what is worth fighting for and what is not.
She is the Crone. The most dangerous, most radical, most revolutionary woman in existence. She exudes confidentiality and at times she is a threat to those, less confident who yet have to walk the path. She might intimidate as she knows exactly what she wants and only a strong, secure soul can handle her wild spirit as her partner in crime and throughout life. Whether in fairytales or in conventual reality, the old one goes where she wants to and she acts as she wishes. The filters have been removed. There is no one left that she needs to impress. She tells it how it is, without fear of who will be by her side. She lives as she chooses and she has long followed her own drumbeat. She is not afraid to stand alone and she has learned that a big part of this winding, twisting journey has to be walked alone. And it is as it should be. No one can stop her, nor ought they try.
My dear body has been working overtime and is exhausted. It’s been literally through hell and I am seeing some of the side effects besides the pain. Yet miraculously, the pain has become much more tolerable on most days, and is not hindering me much from day to day. Again not all days are equal and while it’s easy on some, on others I feel crippled. The fatigue is a whole different story and I did come down with a nasty cold that has lingered for two weeks. It was hard to get rid off when you you can’t take time to rest and look after yourself properly. Luckily I have reached the tail end of it, putting it behind me. The only thing left is some congestion on my heart and lungs.
I believe there is a reason for everything. I believe there are no ordinary moments. I believe that pain is one of our greatest teachers, bringing into awareness that something is out of balance. I believe that our own thoughts, our fears and our ego can be a great enemy to ourselves, only making life harder than it has to be. What wisdom would the old healer hold and say to us, speaking directly to our soul?
It’s not your back that hurts, but the burden.
It’s not your eyes that hurt, but injustice.
It’s not your head that hurts, it’s your thoughts.
Not the throat, but what you don’t express or what you say with anger.
Not the stomach that hurts, but what the soul does not digest.
It’s not the liver that hurts, it’s the anger.
It’s not your heart that hurts, but love.
And it is love itself that contains the most powerful medicine.
Messages and signs from the animal world and spirit have always been my thing. Over the years I have honed in on my ability to hear the voice of the unspoken, the sound of silence that stirs my intuition, while trusting that something is stepping into focus that I should know about at whatever current time I find myself in. Whether I need confirmation or reassurance, insight or a little push, these signs have made a huge difference in my day to day life.
This morning one such message reached me from the council of 13 indigenous grandmothers. Not only do I feel a strong connection to Native American wisdom, but it was the number 13 that also stood out and grabbed my attention. Lucky number 13, which is coming to play a big role in my life very soon. The message spoke to my current now. A now so many of us face on our journey through the obstacles and challenges of life. Here is more….
“As you move through these changing times…be easy on yourself and be easy on one another. You are at the beginning of something new. You are learning a new way of being. You will find that you are working less in the yang modes that you are used to.
You will stop working so hard at getting from point A to point B the way you have in the past, but instead, you will spend more time experiencing yourself in the whole, and your place in it.
Instead of traveling to a goal out there, you will voyage deeper into yourself. Your mother’s grandmother knew how to do this. They knew the power of the feminine principle…and because you carry their DNA in your body, this wisdom and this way of being is within you.
Call on it. Call it up. Invite your ancestors in. As the yang based habits and the decaying institutions on our planet begin to crumble, look up. A breeze is stirring. Feel the sun on your wings.”
We all have a bag. We all pack differently. No two bags are the same. Some bags bare unimaginable burdens, while others can actually make us break out and become free. Some of us travel light, while some of us secret hoarders never parted with a memory in our life. Some of us find it easy to let go, while others cling to the memory of a time long past. You see, the goal is to one day die with memories instead of dreams. With experiences instead of stuff.
I think we are all called to figure out how to carry our bag to the best of our ability. To lighten it and balance the weight between the things we choose to carry. We are the ones who choose what belongs in it, how to unpack it and how to face the mess and tidy it up if needed. I think part of growing and our life’s journey is learning how to sit on the floor with all of our things and figure out what to take with us, and what to leave behind.
Some of the best things are free and don’t cost a dime. For instance, real knowledge is free and it is encoded in your DNA. All you need is within you, and you have all the wisdom, all the answers, and all the knowledge you’ll ever need already within you. Great teachers have said this from the beginning of time. Often times this information lies dormant until we are ready to receive it. Find your heart and you will find your way.
I am searching these days. I am trusting, I am listening and I am finding. I believe and I surrender to what is meant to be will find it’s way. I am ok with the outcome and I don’t try to change or fight it. For the universe knows what’s best for me and in that I trust. Nothing is lying dormant anymore and everything has been disrupted. Everything has been set into motion and nothing will ever be the same. Nor will I ever allow my heart and health to suffer like this again, although even that has it’s purpose, bringing wisdom and lessons that could have not been learned otherwise.
Distractions are all around us and sometimes too much of a good thing is simply too much. You might wonder what this black and white photograph has to do with it and I’m merely using it as a simple example. You see, in my case it actually looked better when I stripped it of its color. I saw more in the monotone range, including the light and the shadows of the subject. The stark contrast of what needed to stand out and the soft disappearing of subjects in the background that needed to fade away.
I don’t know why it spoke to me in a quote, in the process of elimination and the concept of less is more. Par for my course and journey so far I suppose. Perhaps a sign that I am in track.
“And sometimes the simplicity of black and white is all that is needed to eliminate the distraction.”
Keep it simple and don’t add more elements that you can handle. Even dreaming in color is sometimes too much. What can you eliminate today?