With the solar eclipse yesterday and a wonderful personal message from my dear fairy sister Roda, I felt poetic and wrote a little poem that I would like to dedicate to her. Before I start gushing my feelings, I hope you already know her name well, but just in case you haven’t stopped by her blog….yet….what….why not…please make sure you do and be prepared to be emerged in love and kindness. She is one of a kind, a person that has touched my heart too numerous times to keep track. She has also managed to move me to tears of joy over the past couple of weeks. Not once, but several times. At first I thought that I might have turned into an emotional mess, but secondly, I realized that it was her kindness and going out of her way, her thinking of me and surprising me in a variety of ways, that made me feel special and what touched me so deeply. Roda has nominated me for several awards, of which I fell short of answering some. In the end I hope I always find a way to show my appreciation for those kind thoughts and give back proper credit and love in return.
Awhile ago, Roda sent me a book, a book for women, women on their journey of enlightenment and realization. It was a book that confirmed what I already knew, but it was also a book that gave me the reassurance that I was not alone. It’s kind of neat to read and recognize the things you have encountered yourself, even though every journey is very unique and personal. Along the way you also find a common threat that binds all those beautiful spirits together as one. I wasn’t going crazy just yet, and in all actuality I never really believed that I was. I think it’s normal to find yourself alone sometimes as these things are hard to explain and to relate to from others who are still asleep.
Roda and I connected long before the book arrived and I often have to smile when I wander over to her blog. I’m reminded of how similar we are in our beliefs, our love for the simple things and the beauty that is all around and perhaps even in our journey of having experienced similar catalysts. There is an intuition that is guided and she is magically gifted to drop in whenever I need it the most, whether I know it or not. And often I don’t know until a act of kindness reaches me and allows the tears to fall freely in the most grateful and humbling of ways. Bits and pieces from the poem I wrote are inspired from Roda’s message “Total eclipse of the heart” and the book she has sent me.
Last Thursday morning, prior to a day out hiking, I saw a notification from Roda asking if a little magic had arrived. Full of excitement, eyes big and heart pounding like a little excited child, getting a surprise for the first time, I drove to the mailbox on my way into town. There I found a beautiful hand written card and everything was perfect before I even got to open it. From the cute flower stationary, to the ornate hand writing in calligraphy style, to the stamps of an airplane writing the word “Love” into the sky, I sat for a moment and held it in my hands as if it was the biggest treasure in a long time. And in that moment it was. I finally opened it and it was perfect once more as it read….
” All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust.”
How perfect is that? I was touched beyond means and felt that she always understands me and my journey, even when words are absent or I haven’t really said much. There is a knowing without words, a respect for the journey and a special kind of bond. Roda took the initiative to draw my first oracle card which was “Metamorphosis” and the rest is really history. I feel that it was a spiritual act, a chance to connect on yet a deeper level. The wonderful mail accompanied me on my hike that day (and actually I had it with me for several days). It still is in plain sight and I see it every day as I smile and bit my dear fairy sister a beautiful day. Later on, card in hand, I read it aloud to another special friend I just had to share this treasure with. Only this time I could not finish without becoming very emotional and choking on my words. There was a release of some sort and the pain began to fall off. I realized how long I was required to have been so strong. How long I had fought to protect my heart. How long I endured deceit and insincerities, while all I ever hoped, was to contribute and find a way to be accepted. Even though I have achieved this milestone, life hasn’t always made it easy and at times it almost distorted my beliefs in humanity. I had come to accept that it was this way, almost as if I was undeserving of more. I know it sounds a bit like a self pity party, but that is not the intend as I never complained through the process of it all and I never gave up. Today I even believe that it was all necessary for my growth and that even the pain has a place throughout the journey.
Roda’s kindness took me by surprise and released the so said pain of which I didn’t even realized that it was still tucked away somewhere deep inside. I’m not sure if there is more left, more that will come out another time, but my heart feels lighter. I continue to move forward, for myself and in the hope to show others who are struggling that anything is possible. I felt grateful and blessed by this random act of kindness and being bestowed such a wonderful gift. This blog has put me in touch with many wonderful people and I do know that kindness exists out there. You show me every day with your interest and feedback, through the bonds we have built and I’m forever grateful for YOU. Roda’s card was a gift to send me off to Germany and to wish me well with the toughness of everything that lies ahead. It was the kind thought and taking the time out of her own life to make someone else’s day that was worth more than it’s weight in gold to me.
And then came yesterday, and a wonderful recorded message from Roda who believes we might have been woodland fairies in a prior life. She took the time to sent a personal thought and a surprise that stopped me once more in my tracks. I had just arrived at work as I listened to her video voice memo. Again I got emotional and a second release followed. Life is not always easy and sometimes it is complex. Sometimes we need a little help and a little nudge to keep us pushing forward and I could never put into words what these gestures have meant to me. They serve as a reminder that we all have the ability to do something special. For someone or something, and that we should do it more often. It often doesn’t take money or much effort, and even when time is scarce, all that truly is required, is for it to be important enough, and we will always find a way to prioritize what should matter the most. Thank you Roda for making me feel that I matter and for always being there. I could never thank you enough and you are truly one in a million.
Total Eclipse of the Heart (dedicated to my special Fairy sister Roda)
I trust my own darkness to reveal my truth.
To allow it to force me to pause and find my own matter in the grand scheme.
To embrace the pain it might bring in times of darkness and to be patient as it gives way to the light that surely will follow.
I trust my own darkness to show me the way, to let it guide me without resistance and banish the mundane.
To look forward to the messages that it holds, and to feel excitement for the signs that confirm the right path for me.
I trust my own darkness to stretch me in ways sometimes unimaginable, to show me the lessons when I can’t see what’s next and to fill my heart with wonder and believe. Always….
I trust my own darkness…
Photo Credit: Unknown/Google and one of few pictures that are not my own.