Total Eclipse of the Heart

With the solar eclipse yesterday and a wonderful personal message from my dear fairy sister Roda, I felt poetic today and wrote a little poem that I would like to dedicate to her. Before I start gushing my feelings, I hope you already know her name well, but just in case you haven’t stopped by her blog….yet….why not…please make sure you do and be prepared to be emerged in love and kindness. She is one of a kind, a person that has touched my heart too numerous times to keep track. She has managed to move me to tears of joy a few times over the past couple of weeks. At first I thought I might have turned into an emotional mess, but second, I realized that it was her kindness, her going out of her way to make my day, her thinking of me, surprising me in a variety of ways and making me feel special was what really touched me so deeply. Roda has nominated me for several awards of which some I fell short of answering, but I hope I always find a way to else show my appreciation for thinking of me and give the proper credit and love in return.

Awhile ago, Roda sent me a book, a book for women along their journey of enlightenment and realization. A book that confirms what I already knew but it was something that gave me the reassurance that I was not alone. It’s kind of neat to read and recognize the things you are experiencing, even though they are very unique and personal, but also a common threat that binds beautiful spirits together as one. I wasn’t going crazy just yet and in all actuality I never really believed that I was. You just find yourself alone sometimes as these things are hard to explain. Roda and I connected long before the book arrived and I often have to smile when I wander over to her blog of where I’m somehow reminded of how similar we are in our beliefs, perhaps even in our journey. There is an intuition that is guided and she has a gift to drop in whenever I need it the most, whether I know it or not. And often I don’t know until a act of kindness reaches me and allows the tears to fall freely in the most grateful and humbling of releases. Bits and pieces from the poem I wrote are inspired from Roda’s message “Total eclipse of the heart” and the book she has sent me. 

Last Thursday morning, prior to a day out hiking, I saw a notification from Roda asking if a little magic had arrived. Full of excitement, eyes big and heart pounding like a little excited child getting a surprise for the first time, I drove to the mailbox on my way into town. There I found a beautiful hand written card and everything was perfect before I even got to open it. From the cute flower stationary, to the ornate hand writing in calligraphy style to the stamps of an airplane writing the word “Love” into the sky, I sat for a moment and held it in my hands as if it was the biggest treasure in a long time. And it was. I finally opened it and it was perfect once more as it read….

” All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust.” 

How perfect is that? I was touched beyond means as I felt that she always understands me and my journey even when words are absent or I haven’t really said much. There is a knowing without words, a respect for the journey and a special kind of bond. Roda drew my first oracle card which was “Metamorphosis” and rest is history. I feel that it was a spiritual act where we connected on yet a deeper level. The wonderful mail accompanied me on my hike that day (and actually I had it with me for several days). Later on, card in hand, I read it aloud to another special friend while being a passenger. Only this time I could not finish without becoming very emotional and choking on my words. There was a release of some sort and the realization of how long I had been so strong. How long I had fought to protect my heart. How long I endured deceit and insincerities, while all I ever hoped was to contribute and find a way to be accepted. Even though I have achieved it, life hasn’t always made it easy and at times it almost distorted my beliefs in humanity. I had come to accept that that was just the way it was, almost as if I was undeserving of more. I know it sounds a bit like self pity, but that is not the intend as I never complained through the process of it all. Today I even believe that it was all necessary for my growth and that even the pain has a place in the journey. 

Roda’s kindness took me by surprise and released the so said pain of which I didn’t realized that it was still tucked away somewhere deep inside. I’m not sure if there is more that will come out another time, but my heart feels lighter and I continue to move forward, for myself and in the hope to show others who are struggling that anything is possible. I felt grateful and blessed by this random act of kindness and being bestowed such a wonderful gift. This blog has put me in touch with many wonderful people and I do know that kindness exists out there. You show me every day with your interest and feedback, the bonds we have built and I’m forever grateful. Roda’s card was to send me off to Germany and to wish me well with the toughness of everything that lies ahead. It was the thought and taking the time out of her own busy life to make someone else’s day that was worth more than it’s weight in gold. 

And then came yesterday and a wonderful recorded message from her. A personal thought and surprise that stopped me once more in my tracks. I had just arrived at work as I listened to her video voice memo. Again I got emotional and a second release followed. Life has been tough at times, but I will never lose faith or become bitter, not if I can help it through choice. I could never put into words what these gestures have meant to me. They serve as a reminder that we all have the ability to do something special for someone and that we should do it more often. It often doesn’t take money, and even when time is scarce, all that truly is required, is for it to be important, and we will always find a way to prioritize what should matter the most. Thank you Roda for making me feel that I matter and for always being there. I could never thank you enough and you are truly one in a million.

Total Eclipse of the Heart (dedicated to my special Fairy sister Roda)

I trust my own darkness to reveal my truth.

To allow it to force me to pause and find my own matter in the grand scheme. 

To embrace the pain it might bring in times of darkness and to be patient as it gives way to the light that surely will follow.

I trust my own darkness to show me the way, to let it guide me without resistance and banish the mundane.

To look forward to the messages that it holds, and to feel excitement for the signs that confirm the right path for me.

I trust my own darkness to stretch me in ways sometimes unimaginable, to show me the lessons when I can’t see what’s next and to fill my heart with wonder and believe. Always….

I trust my own darkness…

Photo Credit: Unknown/Google and one of few pictures that are not my own.

Princesses and Warriors

“Why grow up a Princess? When you can be a Warrior! 

-Rhapsody Bohėme….Keep fighting 🦋

Metamorphosis

A recent picture and a butterfly in my hand. He stayed there for quite awhile, still and just hanging out. The signs of the spirit animals and the guidance of my journey continue to be strong, entering my life at dizzying speeds. Yesterday alone I had six signs that I will detail in another post as I still interpret how all of them are connected into one solid message. 

I believe that the signs are always here, so keep your eyes open for anything out of the ordinary. There is a reason as to why they are sent to you and the universe is trying to tell you something. 

Butterfly, a sign of personal transformation and metamorphosis. Big things are in the making….

Wide open spaces

“Sometimes the spirit of my wilder mind is busting through the seams of me.” -Rhapsody Boheme

Painted dunes in Lassen Volcanic Park with Mount Lassen 

Magical Mount Shasta

It’s was May 2016, the beginning of everything coming to life and the start of summer. We were northbound to a little vacation spot in Mount Shasta, Oregon. I had been to Oregon before, once to Crater Lake and the other time to Portland, both places I enjoyed and felt at home right away. I was in love with the beauty of the area and my heart was captured during our vacation at the base of Mount Shasta. The little wooden cabin added to the feel of our home away from home. Everything was in line to experience beautiful days filled with adventure and comfort. But there was more in store for me, things I could have not anticipated. Things that would become obvious after our return home, and things that would later turn into our saying of that “Something happened in Shasta.”The landscape was beautiful and breathtaking, but nothing really out of the ordinary, given that I’m a high Sierra girl and used to it’s beautiful, rugged peaks. I’m sure the landscape would have been quite different for someone coming from the Midwest, but I had been lucky to have seen a thing or two, with the exception of having a volcano in my immediate backyard. Mount Shasta is a 14179 ft high stratovolcano and the second highest peak in the cascades. It dominates the sky and on a clear day, and given that you climb high enough, I have seen Mount Shasta in the distance some 218 miles away from me.

It was big and majestic, and just the view of it at times appeared as if it wasn’t even real. Like a poster or something painted, it’s a sight you will not soon forget. You could see the massive peak for miles and miles, thinking you were right upon it, but instead, you had to realize that it would take you at least another hour or so to come within close vicinity. My heart was captured by the beauty of nature as it so often does. I exhaled peace and a sense of calm ran through my veins. Still there was something different, something that would become more obvious as our days went on. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was and in hindsight it feels a bit as if I was stepping into a different era. One that showed a positive impact from a time slowed down, from the atmosphere and the feel of the town and surroundings, to the sincere people and the friendliness that I found walking amongst them. It was refreshing to leave the competition behind for awhile and marvel in the sincerity and helpfulness that was heartfelt and the way I always felt that it should be all along. People enjoying each other with a honest desire to make a difference for the next person. Had I stumbled upon paradise?

The experience changed me in ways I could not imagine prior. It would become something that has me yearning to revisit this beautiful area, serving so many purposes all at once. A feast for the eyes and a essential marvel for the soul to heal. It was bittersweet to leave and it was more than just a vacation coming to an end. I didn’t want the feeling to end and I didn’t want to return to the “real world”. It was weeks after our return that I was doing research on Shasta. It was undeniable that something did had happen in Shasta and I was curious in the hopes to learn more. I wasn’t sure of what I would learn and I really didn’t know what I was looking for or where to even search. I remembered the feelings I had from the mountain and I couldn’t get enough of its view. I started there.

What I stumbled upon was that Mount Shasta draws people from around the world. A feeling, a vibe, that people can’t explain as to why they feel drawn and why there is a pull towards the mountain that reaches over continents away. Numerous legends exist about Mount Shasta being a space station for extraterrestrial life and the underground city housing survivors from the sunken continent of Lemuria. 

Occasionally, according to legend, Lemurians, tall in statue and garbed in white robes have been seen walking around the mountain. It is also said that they have been seen coming to town for supplies. Legend further claims a city with endless tunnels and secret, hidden entrances beneath the mountain where these beings live today. People living around Mount Shasta have their own stories and experiences of what they feel and have experienced. I had no knowledge prior to any of this, but I definitely felt something out of the ordinary that I couldn’t explain and put into words. It wasn’t something eerie or frightening, but something that was calming and restoring. My hunger grew after stumbling upon this information and although I didn’t get to witness anything else other than my own feelings, there was something undeniable, something never felt before. I think the timing was right for me to be open to those things and not dismiss them. I think back to where I was in my journey and I needed something to believe in and something I could feel. I sensed something that put my soul at ease while vacationing at Mount Shasta and today I would call it a spiritual experience. A energy and magnetic force field, picked up by those sensitive to this kind of thing. And then I learned about the true possible cause and I learned about vortexes.

The “Divine” package

The email notification stated that my two oracle card decks would arrive by Saturday. It’s always fun to receive a package and I compare the excitement to times long passed when I used to develop my pictures on film and had to wait for them to be developed, which roughly took two weeks. Yikes! Digital photography was yet to make it’s debut and we’ve sure come a long way since then. But thats the kind of anxiety I felt and I could hardly wait for the decks to arrive. I’ve been intrigued for so long, trying to learn a few bits and pieces here and there, that it was time to take the next step. I still have questions but I took the leap and my very own cards were finally on the way to me. I couldn’t help but wonder if I had chosen the right deck and how would I know. I remembered somebody saying that I’d somehow know and feel if it was the right deck, and yet someone else suggested to never order the cards but to go to a store where you could see and hold them in person. For time and convenience sake I ordered my cards but would love to browse a store once I’m more familiar. In the meantime I was left wondering what feelings they would invoke and what insights would the cards have in store for me? I was filled with excitement but also with a deep respect for whatever it was that would unfold during a reading, including the moments leading up to it and simply holding the cards within my hands. 
I had to work Saturday and so the anticipation was drawn out even longer. I would be home late that night and the whole day was filled with energy that seemed to grow stronger with every passing hour. A text from Fed Ex confirmed that the package was delivered, but I still had four more hours to go. Finally at home, I spotted it sitting on the kitchen table. I was alone and somehow I felt as if I needed to be. I tried to square a few things away in order to give the cards my undivided attention, glancing at the box from the corner of my eyes until I was finally ready to hold the cards. I took the first deck from the box and tapped the cards to release any prior energy from handling and the shipping process. Carefully I examined each card as my heart was racing a little. I was trying to pick up on every emotion, every feeling and every sign I might’ve receive. I made it through the first deck but didn’t notice much of anything besides a little nervousness that I can’t be sure of a 100% of what it was about. I can only deem it back to the respect I felt for the power, the intuition and the guidance of these cards but I think there might have been a little fear of not proper utilizing the cards in my inexperience and perhaps upsetting some energy by accident in an unfavorable way. In hindsight and writing about this, I think this probably was the reason as it finally brings the feelings to the forefront. 

I took the second deck, called “The enchanted map” and carefully removed it from its packaging. I held the cards with my left hand, pictures facing away from me and gently knocked on the deck to clear it of all energy. I ran my fingers across the edge of each cards which is suppose to infuse the cards with your own energy. I fanned the cards, pictures facing me and held them against my heart. In a little prayer I asked for protection and a pure, clear message from the cards. To only let the divine show through and remove all negative energy. I gave thanks to the cards for the guidance I was about to receive and with a deep breath I blew the prayer into the cards. One by one I looked at each card just as I had done with the previous deck. Conscious of my feelings throughout this process, I did feel a deeper connection with this deck. The artwork and the symbolism on the cards spoke to me in ways I can’t describe and even now a few days later I feel as if it was the beginning of a relationship between the deck and myself. A partnership so to speak that might be hard to understand from any skeptic. 

I started to shuffle the cards in various ways and there was no right or wrong. I attempted to stop a few times to conclude shuffling but felt compelled to do it again and maybe from another direction. Finally I felt as if I was done and for a brief second I considered from where I should draw my card. The thought disappeared as quickly as it came to mind and I knew my card was on top of the deck that was sitting in my left non dominant hand. I took a deep breath, trusted the divine spirit and I drew my very first card. 
To be continued…

Oracle – Call of wisdom

I hadn’t been here long and I was a fairly newcomer to the United States. But I was here long enough and had taught myself English to the point where I was more comfortable with speaking it. Understanding it was always simpler then to formulate and arrange the words in a sentence structure that made sense and of course it was backwards compared to the German grammar. It was the weekend and I still remember crystal clear that off we went to attend a car show. I couldn’t tell you about the cars or even which town the show was in, but what stands out so clear, was a palm reader that was sitting at her stand, a short distance from me. I was intrigued and I watched. I remember feeling drawn to the stand and after awhile I got all my courage together and indeed walked over to her and sat down. Without speaking a single word, she told me things about my sick grandfather oversees, amongst other personal tidbits she could have not possible guessed out of sheer luck. Remember I didn’t talk and did not give away any clues that could help and promote a lucky guess. What stands out was the accuracy of her words and still years later I’m a believer, willing to convince the skeptics based on my personal experience. 

This was the only time I had a interaction with a physic medium, but I have always been intrigued. The thoughts about it have come and gone over the years until recently. Something stronger is urging me and I feel a pull towards Tarot/Oracle as if the cards have something to tell me. It’s been a few months and not only do I want to inquire more but I also want to learn of how to read and interpret the cards. How to use them, what ritual is followed, how do I understand their meaning and where do I start. I did some research and the information as well as cards available is simply overwhelming. I learned that oracle cards are suppose to be easier to learn, especially if you are a beginner compared to the often more complex Tarot cards. So naturally I decided to pursue a oracle deck. I further learned that most decks are accompanied with a guide book, explaining the card as well as their potential meaning. What a relief and luckily it was one more question to check off of my long list of curiosities. 

Further I choose watching a YouTube video that introduced five beginner decks with explanations as to why they were chosen. I found it most helpful in making a decision and I finally took the plunge, placing an order on Amazon, of which I’m fevering towards the arrival. My decision was in part based on the artwork which is important to me as an artist. I’m a visual person and appreciate intricate detail. The other determining factor was the subject matter itself of which the cards revolved around. That was a tough one in the sense of not being able to narrow it down to just one deck and I ended up ordering two. Just in case the one doesn’t speak to me and so I will have a backup. Right, I don’t even know what I’m talking about, but I have heard of building a relationship with the deck, feeling the energy from the cards and utilizing the messages as a guide. I have to admit I’m beyond excited and I can’t wait to hold them in my hands. To study the pictures and learn about their meaning, to perform a reading and to be astonished once more by the accuracy and the wisdom of the divine. Plus it’s my birthday next month, so perhaps an early birthday gift to myself? 😉
The two decks I choose are: 
The first deck is called Earth Magic by Steven D Farmer

With my love for nature, hiking and the Earth, it only seemed like a natural choice. 

The second deck is called The enchanted Map by Colette Baron-Reid

It is suppose to connect to your larger consciousness as you travel the journey of your life. A map that empowers you to understand the story of your fate, destiny and free will, while allowing you to chart a course to live a life of deep purpose, true prosperity and vibrant love. 

There was also a beautiful Steampunk Tarot deck and a Fairy oracle deck that is for now on my wishlist. Two decks will be plenty to start out with as I’m learning the meaning of the cards and wonder if it is normal to have or want multiple decks. I would love to hear your input if you have any experience with this. Xoxo

Wherever the path may take you

Wishing everybody a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and safe steps in wherever the path may take you this weekend and always. Sometimes we have to carve out our own destination if the trail is faint or does not serve our purpose. Don’t be afraid of doing so because in the end, how could we ever be lost if we stay true to our hearts. Trust the divine and the plan it has for all of us.

Have a great weekend everyone ❤. Xoxo