Life is good (mostly)

Life is good, for the most part as we travel through this journey of our growth and our spiritual being. I have witnessed on many occasions that finding our way can be difficult, as not all roads are lined with roses. But if we learn to dance around the thorns and try to find the positive in our trials, life can become much easier and full of wonder. Even though we all have our own way of dealing with those times and it’s exactly how it should be. The peace-pipe continued to burn for the remainder of my trip to Germany and we never fought again. I’m nothing short of amazed how the challenges of our daily lives, especially stress affect our health and our well being. Despite the steroids, the RA remained pretty active throughout the week while fighting with Mom. On several occasions, I wrapped my wrist overnight in bandages for support and steadiness, which helped short term. At times I felt so rallied up, while trying to remind myself to breath and stay calm, that I thought I fall over and have a heart attack. For sure that would be it if we continued with this pace. It wasn’t healthy but it was on that very Sunday, where the peace-pipe was lit, that the pain vanished and disappeared. I didn’t even notice it at first, later thinking that the drugs were doing their job, but at second thought I know that it was much more than that. Muscles relaxed and the tension left my body. A sense of peace was restored as gratitude ran through my veins, and with it, it took the chronic pain. I stood up straight and no longer felt beaten down. My heart rejoiced and there was hope and purpose, peace and happiness. As a result my body was thanking me in the form of less pain and decreased heartache. The low blows had stopped and I was no longer criticized, my behavior was no longer attacked and whatever it was that I was or was not wearing, seemed to be ok all of a sudden. I’m not going as far as to say that Mom would have complimented anything I was wearing, but our relationship took on civil matters as it continued to grow. I couldn’t ask for more. 

Mom always enjoyed our country outings, when we drove across the land to places she hadn’t seen in years. Life was good again, on a psychological as well as on a physical level. It is those moments that will always stay close to my heart and that bring a smile to my face. It was during those times that I felt as if I could give her life that hope, that purpose and that peace and that happiness. Even if it was for limited times, but it was the current moment and the “NOW” that mattered the most. Tomorrow would come soon enough with another set of worries that begged to be dealt with. If they came, so be it, but for now, the fears of “what if” and “what might be” had no place in our life’s. 

In addition to that bliss, I felt something else change during these peaceful moments. Not only did the pain leave my aching body and restored me with peace, but something else found it’s way back into my life. For the first time in awhile a smile graced my face and became my most beautiful accessory. Life was good once more.

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Bold, Brave and Strong

It was my first day back at work yesterday, after returning from Germany the day prior. I’m still fighting through the jet lag and I have yet to enjoy a decent night of sleep, or enough of it for that matter. You would think I’d be so exhausted from the 32 hours of travel that I would just sink into bed, nearly unconscious and sleep a deep, coma like sleep to catch up, but this has not been the case. Maybe it is my restless mind and the turmoil inside that leaves a feeling of helplessness and being unsettled behind, as it is disrupting my peaceful vibe. The suitcases are off to the side and mostly still packed, besides a few key items that were removed for daily use. I’m not motivated to unpack or do much of anything. I haven’t even found time to write or catch up, and there has been a lack of inspiration that fuels a topic of what to my heart is trying to say. The day to day routine might have returned but Germany continues to hold my heart even though I do enjoy the comfort of my own four walls and making use of my place of dwelling here. 

I’m a sucker for quotes and awhile back, I purchased an inspirational daily quote book. I believe in the spiritual meaning and the signs that are always around us. I was curious as I pulled it out to check the message for the day I left Germany and for the first day back here. “Of course” I thought under a smile while reading the words meant for me, for that particular day. 

Day of departure

First day back in the states

I found it fitting as I continue to let the universe guide me in what lies ahead. Much work is yet to come as my life shapes itself to benefit me and those closest to my heart. It is huge and definitely life changing. It’s radical and will encompass everything in the quote below and my Boho Soul. 

Still one of my favorite quotes from this trip comes written on a piece of chocolate I got from an amazing person, my cousin and dear friend Moni. Related through blood, we also share an amazing bond and friendship, and she is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. I’m fortunate and blessed to have her in my life. Thank you….I could never do it all without you. 🦋💙

It translates to “Chocolate doesn’t solve any problems. But neither does an apple”. 😉

When feathers appear

Do you see feathers along your path or in unusual places? You might consider and entertain the thought that it is a message from the universe. I have collected many over the years, ranging from different colors to different sizes. There is a meaning to each color and it is said that when a feather crosses your path, a loved one is watching over you and your guardian angel is near. What a beautiful thought, so the next time you find a feather on your path, remember that you’re not alone. 

“When feathers appear, angels are near”

Total Eclipse of the Heart

With the solar eclipse yesterday and a wonderful personal message from my dear fairy sister Roda, I felt poetic and wrote a little poem that I would like to dedicate to her. Before I start gushing my feelings, I hope you already know her name well, but just in case you haven’t stopped by her blog….yet….what….why not…please make sure you do and be prepared to be emerged in love and kindness. She is one of a kind, a person that has touched my heart too numerous times to keep track. She has also managed to move me to tears of joy over the past couple of weeks. Not once, but several times. At first I thought that I might have turned into an emotional mess, but secondly, I realized that it was her kindness and going out of her way, her thinking of me and surprising me in a variety of ways, that made me feel special and what touched me so deeply. Roda has nominated me for several awards, of which I fell short of answering some. In the end I hope I always find a way to show my appreciation for those kind thoughts and give back proper credit and love in return.

Awhile ago, Roda sent me a book, a book for women, women on their journey of enlightenment and realization. It was a book that confirmed what I already knew, but it was also a book that gave me the reassurance that I was not alone. It’s kind of neat to read and recognize the things you have encountered yourself, even though every journey is very unique and personal. Along the way you also find a common threat that binds all those beautiful spirits together as one. I wasn’t going crazy just yet, and in all actuality I never really believed that I was. I think it’s normal to find yourself alone sometimes as these things are hard to explain and to relate to from others who are still asleep. 

Roda and I connected long before the book arrived and I often have to smile when I wander over to her blog. I’m reminded of how similar we are in our beliefs, our love for the simple things and the beauty that is all around and perhaps even in our journey of having experienced similar catalysts. There is an intuition that is guided and she is magically gifted to drop in whenever I need it the most, whether I know it or not. And often I don’t know until a act of kindness reaches me and allows the tears to fall freely in the most grateful and humbling of ways. Bits and pieces from the poem I wrote are inspired from Roda’s message “Total eclipse of the heart” and the book she has sent me. 

Last Thursday morning, prior to a day out hiking, I saw a notification from Roda asking if a little magic had arrived. Full of excitement, eyes big and heart pounding like a little excited child, getting a surprise for the first time, I drove to the mailbox on my way into town. There I found a beautiful hand written card and everything was perfect before I even got to open it. From the cute flower stationary, to the ornate hand writing in calligraphy style, to the stamps of an airplane writing the word “Love” into the sky, I sat for a moment and held it in my hands as if it was the biggest treasure in a long time. And in that moment it was. I finally opened it and it was perfect once more as it read….

” All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust.” 

How perfect is that? I was touched beyond means and felt that she always understands me and my journey, even when words are absent or I haven’t really said much. There is a knowing without words, a respect for the journey and a special kind of bond. Roda took the initiative to draw my first oracle card which was “Metamorphosis” and the rest is really history. I feel that it was a spiritual act, a chance to connect on yet a deeper level. The wonderful mail accompanied me on my hike that day (and actually I had it with me for several days). It still is in plain sight and I see it every day as I smile and bit my dear fairy sister a beautiful day. Later on, card in hand, I read it aloud to another special friend I just had to share this treasure with. Only this time I could not finish without becoming very emotional and choking on my words. There was a release of some sort and the pain began to fall off. I realized how long I was required to have been so strong. How long I had fought to protect my heart. How long I endured deceit and insincerities, while all I ever hoped, was to contribute and find a way to be accepted. Even though I have achieved this milestone, life hasn’t always made it easy and at times it almost distorted my beliefs in humanity. I had come to accept that it was this way, almost as if I was undeserving of more. I know it sounds a bit like a self pity party, but that is not the intend as I never complained through the process of it all and I never gave up. Today I even believe that it was all necessary for my growth and that even the pain has a place throughout the journey. 

Roda’s kindness took me by surprise and released the so said pain of which I didn’t even realized that it was still tucked away somewhere deep inside. I’m not sure if there is more left, more that will come out another time, but my heart feels lighter. I continue to move forward, for myself and in the hope to show others who are struggling that anything is possible. I felt grateful and blessed by this random act of kindness and being bestowed such a wonderful gift. This blog has put me in touch with many wonderful people and I do know that kindness exists out there. You show me every day with your interest and feedback, through the bonds we have built and I’m forever grateful for YOU. Roda’s card was a gift to send me off to Germany and to wish me well with the toughness of everything that lies ahead. It was the kind thought and taking the time out of her own life to make someone else’s day that was worth more than it’s weight in gold to me. 

And then came yesterday, and a wonderful recorded message from Roda who believes we might have been woodland fairies in a prior life. She took the time to sent a personal thought and a surprise that stopped me once more in my tracks. I had just arrived at work as I listened to her video voice memo. Again I got emotional and a second release followed. Life is not always easy and sometimes it is complex. Sometimes we need a little help and a little nudge to keep us pushing forward and I could never put into words what these gestures have meant to me. They serve as a reminder that we all have the ability to do something special. For someone or something, and that we should do it more often. It often doesn’t take money or much effort, and even when time is scarce, all that truly is required, is for it to be important enough, and we will always find a way to prioritize what should matter the most. Thank you Roda for making me feel that I matter and for always being there. I could never thank you enough and you are truly one in a million.

Total Eclipse of the Heart (dedicated to my special Fairy sister Roda)

I trust my own darkness to reveal my truth.

To allow it to force me to pause and find my own matter in the grand scheme. 

To embrace the pain it might bring in times of darkness and to be patient as it gives way to the light that surely will follow.

I trust my own darkness to show me the way, to let it guide me without resistance and banish the mundane.

To look forward to the messages that it holds, and to feel excitement for the signs that confirm the right path for me.

I trust my own darkness to stretch me in ways sometimes unimaginable, to show me the lessons when I can’t see what’s next and to fill my heart with wonder and believe. Always….

I trust my own darkness…

Photo Credit: Unknown/Google and one of few pictures that are not my own.

Princesses and Warriors

“Why grow up a Princess? When you can be a Warrior! 

-Rhapsody Bohėme….Keep fighting 🦋

Metamorphosis

A recent picture and a butterfly in my hand. He stayed there for quite awhile, still and just hanging out. The signs of the spirit animals and the guidance of my journey continue to be strong, entering my life at dizzying speeds. Yesterday alone I had six signs that I will detail in another post as I still interpret how all of them are connected into one solid message. 

I believe that the signs are always here, so keep your eyes open for anything out of the ordinary. There is a reason as to why they are sent to you and the universe is trying to tell you something. 

Butterfly, a sign of personal transformation and metamorphosis. Big things are in the making….

Wide open spaces

“Sometimes the spirit of my wilder mind is busting through the seams of me.” -Rhapsody Boheme

Painted dunes in Lassen Volcanic Park with Mount Lassen 

Magical Mount Shasta

It’s was May 2016, the beginning of everything coming to life and the start of summer. We were northbound to a little vacation spot in Mount Shasta, Oregon. I had been to Oregon before, once to Crater Lake and the other time to Portland, both places I enjoyed and felt at home right away. I was in love with the beauty of the area and my heart was captured during our vacation at the base of Mount Shasta. The little wooden cabin added to the feel of our home away from home. Everything was in line to experience beautiful days filled with adventure and comfort. But there was more in store for me, things I could have not anticipated. Things that would become obvious after our return home, and things that would later turn into our saying of that “Something happened in Shasta.”The landscape was beautiful and breathtaking, but nothing really out of the ordinary, given that I’m a high Sierra girl and used to it’s beautiful, rugged peaks. I’m sure the landscape would have been quite different for someone coming from the Midwest, but I had been lucky to have seen a thing or two, with the exception of having a volcano in my immediate backyard. Mount Shasta is a 14179 ft high stratovolcano and the second highest peak in the cascades. It dominates the sky and on a clear day, and given that you climb high enough, I have seen Mount Shasta in the distance some 218 miles away from me.

It was big and majestic, and just the view of it at times appeared as if it wasn’t even real. Like a poster or something painted, it’s a sight you will not soon forget. You could see the massive peak for miles and miles, thinking you were right upon it, but instead, you had to realize that it would take you at least another hour or so to come within close vicinity. My heart was captured by the beauty of nature as it so often does. I exhaled peace and a sense of calm ran through my veins. Still there was something different, something that would become more obvious as our days went on. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was and in hindsight it feels a bit as if I was stepping into a different era. One that showed a positive impact from a time slowed down, from the atmosphere and the feel of the town and surroundings, to the sincere people and the friendliness that I found walking amongst them. It was refreshing to leave the competition behind for awhile and marvel in the sincerity and helpfulness that was heartfelt and the way I always felt that it should be all along. People enjoying each other with a honest desire to make a difference for the next person. Had I stumbled upon paradise?

The experience changed me in ways I could not imagine prior. It would become something that has me yearning to revisit this beautiful area, serving so many purposes all at once. A feast for the eyes and a essential marvel for the soul to heal. It was bittersweet to leave and it was more than just a vacation coming to an end. I didn’t want the feeling to end and I didn’t want to return to the “real world”. It was weeks after our return that I was doing research on Shasta. It was undeniable that something did had happen in Shasta and I was curious in the hopes to learn more. I wasn’t sure of what I would learn and I really didn’t know what I was looking for or where to even search. I remembered the feelings I had from the mountain and I couldn’t get enough of its view. I started there.

What I stumbled upon was that Mount Shasta draws people from around the world. A feeling, a vibe, that people can’t explain as to why they feel drawn and why there is a pull towards the mountain that reaches over continents away. Numerous legends exist about Mount Shasta being a space station for extraterrestrial life and the underground city housing survivors from the sunken continent of Lemuria. 

Occasionally, according to legend, Lemurians, tall in statue and garbed in white robes have been seen walking around the mountain. It is also said that they have been seen coming to town for supplies. Legend further claims a city with endless tunnels and secret, hidden entrances beneath the mountain where these beings live today. People living around Mount Shasta have their own stories and experiences of what they feel and have experienced. I had no knowledge prior to any of this, but I definitely felt something out of the ordinary that I couldn’t explain and put into words. It wasn’t something eerie or frightening, but something that was calming and restoring. My hunger grew after stumbling upon this information and although I didn’t get to witness anything else other than my own feelings, there was something undeniable, something never felt before. I think the timing was right for me to be open to those things and not dismiss them. I think back to where I was in my journey and I needed something to believe in and something I could feel. I sensed something that put my soul at ease while vacationing at Mount Shasta and today I would call it a spiritual experience. A energy and magnetic force field, picked up by those sensitive to this kind of thing. And then I learned about the true possible cause and I learned about vortexes.

The “Divine” package

The email notification stated that my two oracle card decks would arrive by Saturday. It’s always fun to receive a package and I compare the excitement to times long passed when I used to develop my pictures on film and had to wait for them to be developed, which roughly took two weeks. Yikes! Digital photography was yet to make it’s debut and we’ve sure come a long way since then. But thats the kind of anxiety I felt and I could hardly wait for the decks to arrive. I’ve been intrigued for so long, trying to learn a few bits and pieces here and there, that it was time to take the next step. I still have questions but I took the leap and my very own cards were finally on the way to me. I couldn’t help but wonder if I had chosen the right deck and how would I know. I remembered somebody saying that I’d somehow know and feel if it was the right deck, and yet someone else suggested to never order the cards but to go to a store where you could see and hold them in person. For time and convenience sake I ordered my cards but would love to browse a store once I’m more familiar. In the meantime I was left wondering what feelings they would invoke and what insights would the cards have in store for me? I was filled with excitement but also with a deep respect for whatever it was that would unfold during a reading, including the moments leading up to it and simply holding the cards within my hands. 
I had to work Saturday and so the anticipation was drawn out even longer. I would be home late that night and the whole day was filled with energy that seemed to grow stronger with every passing hour. A text from Fed Ex confirmed that the package was delivered, but I still had four more hours to go. Finally at home, I spotted it sitting on the kitchen table. I was alone and somehow I felt as if I needed to be. I tried to square a few things away in order to give the cards my undivided attention, glancing at the box from the corner of my eyes until I was finally ready to hold the cards. I took the first deck from the box and tapped the cards to release any prior energy from handling and the shipping process. Carefully I examined each card as my heart was racing a little. I was trying to pick up on every emotion, every feeling and every sign I might’ve receive. I made it through the first deck but didn’t notice much of anything besides a little nervousness that I can’t be sure of a 100% of what it was about. I can only deem it back to the respect I felt for the power, the intuition and the guidance of these cards but I think there might have been a little fear of not proper utilizing the cards in my inexperience and perhaps upsetting some energy by accident in an unfavorable way. In hindsight and writing about this, I think this probably was the reason as it finally brings the feelings to the forefront. 

I took the second deck, called “The enchanted map” and carefully removed it from its packaging. I held the cards with my left hand, pictures facing away from me and gently knocked on the deck to clear it of all energy. I ran my fingers across the edge of each cards which is suppose to infuse the cards with your own energy. I fanned the cards, pictures facing me and held them against my heart. In a little prayer I asked for protection and a pure, clear message from the cards. To only let the divine show through and remove all negative energy. I gave thanks to the cards for the guidance I was about to receive and with a deep breath I blew the prayer into the cards. One by one I looked at each card just as I had done with the previous deck. Conscious of my feelings throughout this process, I did feel a deeper connection with this deck. The artwork and the symbolism on the cards spoke to me in ways I can’t describe and even now a few days later I feel as if it was the beginning of a relationship between the deck and myself. A partnership so to speak that might be hard to understand from any skeptic. 

I started to shuffle the cards in various ways and there was no right or wrong. I attempted to stop a few times to conclude shuffling but felt compelled to do it again and maybe from another direction. Finally I felt as if I was done and for a brief second I considered from where I should draw my card. The thought disappeared as quickly as it came to mind and I knew my card was on top of the deck that was sitting in my left non dominant hand. I took a deep breath, trusted the divine spirit and I drew my very first card. 
To be continued…

Oracle – Call of wisdom

I hadn’t been here long and I was a fairly newcomer to the United States. But I was here long enough and had taught myself English to the point where I was more comfortable with speaking it. Understanding it was always simpler then to formulate and arrange the words in a sentence structure that made sense and of course it was backwards compared to the German grammar. It was the weekend and I still remember crystal clear that off we went to attend a car show. I couldn’t tell you about the cars or even which town the show was in, but what stands out so clear, was a palm reader that was sitting at her stand, a short distance from me. I was intrigued and I watched. I remember feeling drawn to the stand and after awhile I got all my courage together and indeed walked over to her and sat down. Without speaking a single word, she told me things about my sick grandfather oversees, amongst other personal tidbits she could have not possible guessed out of sheer luck. Remember I didn’t talk and did not give away any clues that could help and promote a lucky guess. What stands out was the accuracy of her words and still years later I’m a believer, willing to convince the skeptics based on my personal experience. 

This was the only time I had a interaction with a physic medium, but I have always been intrigued. The thoughts about it have come and gone over the years until recently. Something stronger is urging me and I feel a pull towards Tarot/Oracle as if the cards have something to tell me. It’s been a few months and not only do I want to inquire more but I also want to learn of how to read and interpret the cards. How to use them, what ritual is followed, how do I understand their meaning and where do I start. I did some research and the information as well as cards available is simply overwhelming. I learned that oracle cards are suppose to be easier to learn, especially if you are a beginner compared to the often more complex Tarot cards. So naturally I decided to pursue a oracle deck. I further learned that most decks are accompanied with a guide book, explaining the card as well as their potential meaning. What a relief and luckily it was one more question to check off of my long list of curiosities. 

Further I choose watching a YouTube video that introduced five beginner decks with explanations as to why they were chosen. I found it most helpful in making a decision and I finally took the plunge, placing an order on Amazon, of which I’m fevering towards the arrival. My decision was in part based on the artwork which is important to me as an artist. I’m a visual person and appreciate intricate detail. The other determining factor was the subject matter itself of which the cards revolved around. That was a tough one in the sense of not being able to narrow it down to just one deck and I ended up ordering two. Just in case the one doesn’t speak to me and so I will have a backup. Right, I don’t even know what I’m talking about, but I have heard of building a relationship with the deck, feeling the energy from the cards and utilizing the messages as a guide. I have to admit I’m beyond excited and I can’t wait to hold them in my hands. To study the pictures and learn about their meaning, to perform a reading and to be astonished once more by the accuracy and the wisdom of the divine. Plus it’s my birthday next month, so perhaps an early birthday gift to myself? 😉
The two decks I choose are: 
The first deck is called Earth Magic by Steven D Farmer

With my love for nature, hiking and the Earth, it only seemed like a natural choice. 

The second deck is called The enchanted Map by Colette Baron-Reid

It is suppose to connect to your larger consciousness as you travel the journey of your life. A map that empowers you to understand the story of your fate, destiny and free will, while allowing you to chart a course to live a life of deep purpose, true prosperity and vibrant love. 

There was also a beautiful Steampunk Tarot deck and a Fairy oracle deck that is for now on my wishlist. Two decks will be plenty to start out with as I’m learning the meaning of the cards and wonder if it is normal to have or want multiple decks. I would love to hear your input if you have any experience with this. Xoxo