I was born on the day of ups and downs and life certainly has echoed this theme. I say this and realize that most likely everybody on the planet could make a similar statement, the difference is that when we talk ourselves vs somebody else, it always becomes more personal. That doesn’t mean that it’s more important or takes the first row, but it leaves us as the experts to our own story.
There used to be a time when I viewed being born on the day of ups and downs as a curse, as the Story of my Life . Over time this has changed and like everything else it is what it is. I have come to accept it and I roll with the punches whenever I can. Successful or not, it is my motto. We seldom have another choice anyways, but I am extremely grateful that I was able to see these times as learning experiences without getting discouraged, disgruntled and turning into a negative victim mentality. Talking about the dark night of our soul, I feel that there have been a few of them throughout my life, but the past two years have brought some of my most important work as a person. It has taken me to the edge nearly losing myself, only to show me that I come back stronger each time. It had taught me that nothing fuels and develops me more than adversity itself, when challenges arise and when the predictable happens and is trying to hurt me. That pain has always made me rise stronger. It’s a process that is ongoing and it wasn’t until recently that I could understand and fully grasp the meaning of the words written by Aby Vohra in regards to what the dark night of the soul is and how it will transform your life.
It is referred to as a long, depressing, and very dark experience that can continue for days, months or even years. If you’re experiencing the dark night of the soul, you will feel a sense of being lost. Your heart will be in anxiety as if your world with its known habits and conditioning is coming to an end. This is because, after a spiritual awakening, your conditioned mind pattern is dying. While dying, your mind is making you feel miserable by re-identifying yourself with its old dysfunctional patterns. The soul is about to shine like a sun, and deep down, you have started to feel it’s presence. While a spiritual awakening is the process of rebirth of everything you are! The dark night of the soul is the process of dying of everything you are not!
I have felt this in layers, one after another peeling away, at my pace and when I am ready, having fully processed the prior learnings. It has been an up and down, physically and emotionally, at times empowering, stepping into my own and at other times devastating and lonely. Through it all people continue to come and go. I trust that the people I need or the ones who need me will or have crossed my path to be in my life. Only meaningful relationships are honored at this time and there is no time for chasing false ideals. This morning I drew an oracle card soliciting the universe to share which spirit animal will lend us their energy for September. I was surprised at who showed up and we have seen this animal earlier in the year. Perhaps more work is waiting to be done as we will revisit this energy in an upcoming post on September 1st.
Time has also been a great teacher this year, pain has been a great teacher and so has been the isolation and the experiences I have encountered, along with the choices and decisions executed this year. It can be maddening at times, but it is a test of times. A test of how I process these experiences under extreme circumstances, a test of who remains in the end, what I shed and no longer give importance to, and how I form new beliefs. It’s a time picked by me and chosen carefully. Everything falls to the wayside that does not support this journey.
If I had to sum it up in a few sentences I would say that the dark night of the soul has brought me face to face with myself. It allowed me to process and discover the layers to myself that I have experienced so far. It has brought me face to face with my past and my upbringing to learn and understand who I am. My times of struggle have shown me that times can be very lonely since everyone needs you to be that upbeat person, the one to look up to, the one you have something to gain from. It also has shown me that our Motto’s a time have to be selfish and nobody is in a position to take on additional issues, especially if it’s not theirs to carry.
The closet door has been unlocked and the skeletons have been freed. Through the process I have come to love myself and don’t act from a place of not tolerating certain things anymore, but from a place of a higher self worth. Time is limited and we better not waste a moment of it. The dark night of the soul sounds intimidating and scary, but it can also be one of the most freeing and worthwhile times in our life. I am grateful for this time and no matter how painful some of these experiences have been, I wouldn’t change a thing and do it all over again vs. sitting there comfortably, numb, lost, alive but not living. Maybe this post brings a sense of familiarity to you, as you recognize your own journey. Know that it cant be rushed, let’s just hope it doesn’t last for years. And if it does, then I say it is due to being beyond profound and special, and may you never seize to see the lessons and your growth in the process of it.
In light and love, always