I have always been a person that required a certain amount of solitude. It took years before I recognized it and for a long time it remained as something I simply wasn’t aware of. Over the years I grew weary of the hectic and the noice to a point that I became sensitive to loud sounds. Over the years I have learned to be alone and become my own best company, which also makes me a bad friend at times, because time out with besties and soul sisters and brothers can’t always happen on any given day.
When life gets too busy or I don’t get enough time to myself, running too many errands and tasks, I crave this time out, this time alone. I need time to decompress, time away, time alone, in quiet. And yet I know that while I am here in Germany, and will have many opportunities to be alone, there will also be times I might feel lonely. I will miss loved ones and Cinnamon, and even that time, in my own pain, I will have to face alone. What a dilemma, a constant struggle for balance, for not too much but also not too little.
I know many struggle and are afraid of being alone. Learning to be your best company, to face yourself, and get along with yourself without judgement and ridicule is an art to be learned and not always easy. I see it with many complex layers that need to be peeled and addressed, and doing so takes courage and a strong heart. It’s often too painful to take an honest look and we might not be ready. Can we be objective, seeing the whole big picture, or are we blocking parts of us? Chances are that if you can’t be your own best company, if you have not made peace with yourself, you might not be good company for others, or them for you. You might carry too much baggage and weight. So what needs to give here…how will you overcome…
Rhapsody Bohème 