Guided

Many of us try so hard to find our way, to learn about our purpose and to find a sense of belonging. Sometimes we spend a lifetime trying to figure it out, and while changes are always at work, we are often unaware of them and unawakened. Many go go through life trying to learn whatever lessons are in store, and throughout the process develop a self defense mechanism. It’s a means of protection, one that’s suppose to shield us from pain, one that lashes out from time to time and here and there rear’s it ugly head, ultimately holding us a prisoner.

It is said that our soul already knows the way and that we have everything we need within us. I’ve heard this saying a long time ago and was reminded of it just recently. In a different time and a different place, it would come to me with a new understanding and meaning.

I remembered it while being still and engaging in an old hobby. Reading. The first book that came to me after a long break of not reading, was called the Untethered Soul and it was the one that really put things into perspective for me. It helped me understand the reactions of others and my own. It allowed me to find compassion in the harfest to find places and forgive even when it seemed impossible to forgive. But it was the second book and reading about Soul Contract that made me remember this saying.

Both books (self help books) came with a bit of hindsight and with the realization that I was putting in the work already. Subconsciously I was already plugging away as if I knew exactly what needed to be done. My soul was already hard at work, guiding me and the books merely shed light onto what was going on. It was the books that brought the realization, the explanations, the understanding. There was no doubt that all Shadow work, had led me to my work with my soul contracts. It was during the last chapter of the book, in how to release the energy of the soul contracts that I nodded and became aware of that this is what must have been happening already.

MacKinnon mentions that during the process of releasing this dark, heavy energy many of her clients have unintentionally lost weight or became more physically active and healthy. They intuitively felt a desire to get up, get moving, and create a physical release, such as playing a sport or starting to exercise. One client started their own business while another quit smoking. One got a drastic haircut, or made other sweeping changes. Was this where my motivation cane from and what had ignited the fire within.

Your support network

Diagram by Danielle MacKinnon

I’ve been reading a new book called “Soul Contracts.” It’s another self help book that aids in finding harmony and your inner brilliance. It explains various soul contracts, human actions and decisions, as well as unconditional love, understanding the bigger picture, our connection to source (soul), the need for safety and our root belief systems.

MacKinnon explains that many unseen and unconscious energies influence our every day. They can cause us to behave a certain way, think a certain thought, or believe certain ideas about ourselves. All these energies are our soul contracts and are a part of our soul system. These ways of thinking, feeling and believing take away from our ability to discover who we really are. They prevent us from living the life we want to live and from having the relationships we so desperately crave. Many of these contracts are created by ourselves without us ever realizing.

Let’s say you experienced someone who made you feel that you are not good enough. Most likely this experience comes with intense negative emotions, heartache and pain. That is if you believed in it. If not, then you most likely laughed the whole incident off and it wasn’t stored as a painful experience. But let’s say they got to you and pain has arisen from it. Perhaps so much of it that you promised to prove them and yourself wrong. Guess what? You created a soul contract for yourself. A soul contract is born from a negative experience and is never derived from joy. However, soul contracts are not a negative or painful thing, and are often created to help us overcome a certain lessons, so don’t feel discouraged if you stumble across one. I know it sounds confusing but just think of it this way. Just because you had a negative experience (out of your control) doesn’t mean it has to stay a negative mark on your life (within your control).

Back to the example: By entertaining the thought of not being good enough it becomes a seed thought, something you come to believe and plant deep within your soul. It’s quite common that we adapt many of such seed thoughts which in return form our root belief system. Those are our experiences, what life has taught us. Each seed thought has its on emotions attached. These emotions live in our memory or our subconscious where they are stored. From there we learn how to react to a certain situation, how to protect ourselves, and how to avoid the pain that was associated with the experience. It’s almost like a self defense mechanism. What we often don’t realize is that some of these experiences and what once worked for us, lies many years back and is outdated.

Still it’s there for our resource, where they linger in the background. You might not notice them for a long time, until something happens that triggers that very thought. Now that same painful emotion surfaces and it will over and over again until you face and recognize as to why you feel this way. It’s not enough to say “oh I bumped into a soul contract” but you will also have to put in the work and analyze why you feel this way, what happened in the past and how you want to go forward in the future.

Now that the emotion has been recalled, it’s like getting a reminder. Memories surface and doubt creeps in whether you are going to be good enough or not. Your mind is racing and the struggle begins as you frantically add new elements to the equation, called anxiety and fear. Now your actions are driven by those emotions and all you can do is hope for the best. It’s almost paralyzing.

As you can see things can get quite complex as we try to figure it out and find our way. It can take years, perhaps a lifetime. This diagram in the book really made me think about our support network along the way. It helped me understand as to why people come and go in our life. We all are travelers, trying to find our way and it’s nothing personal. But if you have encountered someone by our side who is willing to stay the course and put in the work with you, consider yourself extremely lucky. It’s rare I think.

In an exercise MacKinnon prompts us to list all the people in our lives and place them on the according circle. And to be honest. You might be married but that doesn’t mean that your husband/wife is your soul partner. If there are things you can’t discuss and have to keep from him/her, then they are not your soul partner and perhaps just a friend. Maybe in some instances not even that anymore. As you place the people on your circles, take an honest look at the finished picture. It will also tell a story about yourself. Has your protection mechanism developed so strongly that you haven’t allowed people into your inner circle? Do you shut people out? Do you invite people into your life even though the friendship is all about them? What are you seeing?

I wanted to write this post and share a new perspective so you can give yourself a break. To perhaps understand some things a little better and hopefully gain some insights. I still see so many being so hard on themselves, as well as placing too many unrealistic conditions that only end in disappointment. Maybe we need to remember that we all fight unseen battles. Perhaps you fill out your own diagram and better understand how much unconditional love it truly takes to be there. Who is in your circle and in who’s circle do you belong? Do you believe that the people in your most inner circle can be there for you as you go through the process of mastering your soul contracts. As you go through the ups and downs, the hard work, and the amazing insights? Can they handle what you are saying? Will they think you are crazy? Do you have to censor yourself around them and tiptoe as to not bruise egos? And at the same time, can you be that very person you crave for someone else?

Closing note: Remember that it’s not quantity but quality of who makes your circle. If you are a loner and introvert, you might only have one or two people listed on it and that’s perfectly ok.

The untethered soul

The untethered soul, the journey beyond yourself by Michael A. Singer was the book I took on my little camping trip. My first attempt reading it failed, and I chalk it up to the timing not being right. Reading it this time, I felt as if my own spiritual journey was explained and made sense of. It was a celebration to see how far I had come, while each chapter shed more light on the actual how’s and why’s itself, and how to free oneself from a life of conditioning. It allowed me to understand the actions and behaviors of others in greater detail and to meet actual painful experiences with more love, understanding and compassion. It allowed me to make peace and gain greater insight of what it is we all face on this journey beyond ourselves.

I would highly recommend it to anyone who has questions, who is daring to take a look, and seeking to understand more about themselves. It’s a journey of our thoughts and emotions, our inner dialogue and the fluctuations of our inner energy, resulting in feelings, behaviors and reactions, a lifelong programming we adapt in order to protect ourselves from pain. It’s a journey of awareness and awakening, tethered to the ego with hands on examples and scenarios for inner freedom and liberation. It’s simple, yet a pure mastery of clarity. It has profoundly touched me this time around and is one of the best self help books since Eckhart Tolle. I will probably quote and share bits and pieces with you many times going forward.

In awakening consciousness and the first chapter titled “the voice inside your head,” Michael talks about our inner voice and the dialogue we have with ourselves. It’s the voice that keeps you up at night when you are trying to sleep, the voice that only you can hear, the dialogue that narrates your entire world. It never stops. Even when it is saying nice things, it’s still disturbing everything you’re doing. You surely have heard this voice in the past, haven’t you? So who is this voice if you are the one who is observing it and why do we do it? A study carefully revealed that the narration makes us feel more comfortable with the world around us. For instance: You walk home alone late at night. It’s dark and foggy and you feel an eerie silence. Your mind and inner dialogue is going a 100 miles an hour.

“All is ok, not too much further. I’m almost home. What was that noise, is someone following me. Should I run or keep my composure?”

It goes on and on and it never stops, playing out every possible scenario. The narrative keeps us focused, distracted, even calm and again it tips back to the need of being in control, being prepared for the unknown and the unexpected. It all happens in an attempt to protect ourselves from pain and to avoid any inner disturbances.

Reality is a serious thing for many of us and is often too difficult to deal with it. We try to temper it with our minds and our inner dialogue, talking our way through the difficulties. In an attempt to hold the world together, you are really just trying to hold yourself together. True personal growth is about transcending the part of you that is not ok and needs protection. This is done by constantly remembering that you are the one inside that notices the voice talking. If used properly, the same mental voice that has been a source of worry, distraction, and general neurosis can become the launching ground for true spiritual awakening. Come to know the one who watches the voice, and you will come to know one of the gray mysteries of creation.

Words: excerpts from the book “the untethered soul” and myself

The shadow self and the many masks

Have you ever noticed how many different masks we wear throughout the day? How we adjust ourselves, conform and react to various situations, including people. We conform to the behaviors that are expected of us even if they don’t sit right with us. After all, it’s something we have to do to “play nice” right? Let’s explore this a little further and examine some of the reasons. Is it really because of what is expected of us, because of something we learned through social conditioning, something that was taught to us growing up, something we have to in order to fit in and to be accepted by others?

I’m sure you felt the exhausting effects from all the masks you wear every day while carefully hiding your own true identity. Why do we do this, are we not enough? It’s what many of us fear. And here we have it, anxiety is born and is just one of the subjects under the big umbrella of fear that rules our days. No wonder you fall into bed at night, completely drained and dead to the world. Guess what, you will get another chance and do it all over again tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that. Only you can say when it is enough.

It takes years, and sometimes a lifetime full of experiences to finally figure out if those masks you wear still apply. Can you imagine what a heavy load our shadow self is carrying for us? Should we expect it to be a happy camper, happy go lucky, waiting to take on more of whatever we throw at it, or is the picture becoming clearer as to why we call it our shadow self, a dark side we usually try to hide. And why do we hide it? Surely it can’t be all that friendly, it may even behave irrational. We haven’t dealt with it which means we have no control over it, never in a million years will we slow it to make ourselves look bad in public. And why should we deal with the challenging process of acknowledging it?Don’t we want it to stay the same, to do our dirty work, to carry the painful stuff for us, to keep the pain away from us, and for heavens sake please don’t make us look vulnerable and weak in front of others. After all haven’t we worked a lifetime protecting and hiding our weaknesses! To admit to them would mean that we have to face our flaws, to make ourselves look less perfect in front of others, to lower the wall and be susceptible to attacks and pain. To face this and take a closer look is a big step that many are afraid to take, until the day when this behavior no longer serves you, and questions arise that won’t deny your authentic self any longer.

“Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow side: an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try to ignore. The shadow can be a source of emotional richness and vitality, and acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and an authentic life.

– C. Zweig & S. Wolf

Previously, we have talked about the courage it takes to face your shadow self, and we have only reached the tip of the iceberg. We have practiced acknowledging these darker parts of yourself and I take it that you have clearly noticed the darkness of your shadow self. There is a reason as to why you are reading this, why you are wondering and why thoughts have started to enter your mind. It’s no coincidence and it’s not something you stumble across by accident, so why now? Perhaps you have gone through some traumatic events including loss and other painful experiences. Maybe you feel alone, making excuses and justifications for your behavior, or maybe you simply feel that you don’t fit in, that you have no place amongst society. Perhaps you feel as if you were from a different planet. Why doesn’t anyone understand you, why is life so difficult and hard.

So for argument sake and for you to understand this important point of your journey, let’s indulge in the complexity of ourselves for a moment. I want to talk about being born innocent and what happens as soon as we engage in the knowledge of good and bad. Envision your soul as a blank canvas, a sponge that is absorbing the fears and programming from your main influencers, your parents. Down the pipeline into your soul are fragmented pieces of what they themselves have not fully acknowledged and processed in their lifetime. You don’t know yet whether this information fits you or not, whether it holds value for YOU, but it’s there, stored away to be accessed whenever you need it. Ultimately you grow up with the ideals, expectations, norms, and social conditionings of others. You give in to conventional thinking for years and it becomes a way of life. You don’t even realize that there is more, that you are conforming, and that there is something that might fit you better. Subconsciously you continue to live your life suppressing your own ideas. It’s how you’ve been raised and it seems normal. After all it’s what you’ve been taught and your parents being wise and smart people must surely know what they were talking about. What if I told you that they were just trying to figure things out themselves?

Let’s take it a step further. I assume that you have summoned the courage to acknowledge your shadow self and sit with “yourself” for awhile. What you’ll discover here is a whole different chapter, a chapter you worked so hard to close and banish into the deepest and darkest corner of your soul. Are you prepared for what you might find? Remember in chapter one we talked about the things that will deeply disturb you, things you might not like about yourself. Are you willing to take a look and be objective? What will you do with the information? The true work is about to begin if you can answer these questions. Since you have made it this far, it’s probably safe to say that you are no longer in denial, that you are aware and conscious now, but where it goes from here is truly up to you.

What you should understand before you tap into the information of your dark side is the persona of the shadow self. Here is a take on it according to Carl Jung. He defines this persona as who we would like to be and how we wish to be seen by the world. The word persona is derived from a Latin word that literally means “mask,” however in this instance, the word can be applied metaphorically, representing all of the different social masks that we wear among different groups of people and situations. Just let it sink in and acknowledge all the social conditioning. All the times you tried to please everybody but yourself and all the various masks it took in order to do so. How far does it go back? We do this over the course of our entire life, don’t we? All the painful knowledge collected since birth, ultimately contributes to our dark side. Can we truly be completely accountable for it or are we a victim of life? There is hope, and while we have no control over the punches life deals us, we do have control over how we process and acknowledge them.

In chapter 1 we have summoned the courage to acknowledging our shadow self. We have become aware of this wounded dark side within us that carries our burdens and pains. That leashes out from time to time in an ugly way, but with the purest sole intent to protect itself. Perhaps if we can see it from this angle we can pour love over it and accept it as a part of ourselves. It doesn’t make you a bad person and mean, instead try to hear the cry for your attention, your love, the unresolved and underlying issues and conditioning that are still your triggers today. Our next step is to become aware of our masks and to recognize the reasons as to why we wear them. Is it something we want to continue to do, or is it something that no longer fits us? What will it take to shed these masks, are we willing to carry some of the burden from our shadow self and make our load lighter no matter the consequences? What are the consequences, and what have you to lose in an order to gain yourself? Wouldn’t anything that is not encouraging you to be your best version be something that never really had your best interest at heart? Why would you want to hold on to it? I know the many reasons, all encompassing fear, getting out of our comfort zone and the unknown. But is it really worth it to lose yourself over it each and every day? Only you can answer if it’s enough.

It is here where your success is determined whether you are truly ready to face what your shadow self has to show you. You either look at your faults objectively, willing to put in the work for a better more authentic version of yourself, or you stuff it down into your subconscious even deeper than before.

For myself I wasn’t ready to face the music, in this case my shadow self for the majority of my life. It was something frightening, something I denied and suppressed under the umbrella of fear. I spent a lifetime deflecting the pain, a pain that first came into my life at the age of ten and the sudden, accidental death of my father. A deep traumatic event that would affect me for the rest of my life. But eventually, I reached a point I could no longer “stuff it.” I had to face the music. Nothing seemed to fit anymore and it wasn’t a matter of choice. I wasn’t happy with my life and I started to question everything. I was searching for purpose and what I had seen, simply wasn’t enough. There had to be more. More meaning, more purpose, a more fulfilling way of life. It was scary to take that first step, but once you do you will never look back. You will commit to being a lifelong learner, eagerly growing and learning, exploring the true meaning of your life. It was as if a whole new person was born. Someone that was always there but was suppressed for a big part of life. My life….

I want to take a moment and thank my friend Mark for his highly valuable insight and support on the subject, here and always. He is no stranger to facing the shadow self and his advice and wisdom for the world and us is a true gift to me as well as many others. 🙏🏼

The shadow self – The acknowledgement

From time to time we should take a look at ourselves and work with our shadow self. We all have one and it’s the side of us that’s usually hidden in the dark. The side that is less than perfect, a side that is impulsive and wounded. It’s also a side that acts out of character, and that can wound others in an order to protect itself. It’s usually a side we hide and at times avoid to acknowledge. After all it’s painful to stare our flaws into the face, or is it?

Our shadow self might signify our insecurities, our poor behavior and how we react to challenges, but it might also close us up, unable to react at all which can do harm as well. In an article by lonerwolf it is mentioned that if you are truly honest about growing and living your life to the fullest, you will at some point come across many parts of yourself that you’ll find difficult, if not completely disturbing to accept.

These ugly and frightening parts of ourselves are elements of the shadow self: the darker side of our nature. Have you summoned your courage and met some of these parts yet?

The shadow self is an archetype that forms part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, precessions, and embarrassing fears. It’s often what we perceive as chaos and it’s everything that leaves us vulnerable. Almost like judgement day, an attack on our character. This often leaves us wanting to defend ourselves. Surely we are not that bad, are we, “they must have gotten it all wrong, and why couldn’t they see our good intentions?”

So who is this shadow self? It is a part of us, although initially we are born pure, like a blank sheet of paper. But at some point throughout our childhood we learn to separate our experiences into two categories. Good and evil. From the moment we engage in this knowledge our shadow self is born and we begin to divide ourselves into multiple parts. The dark shadow traits accumulate just as much as the pure, light ones do, and it depends on our experiences which part weighs heavier. This happens in the unconscious mind and is never fully integrated into our conscience.

I say that we need to be aware and visit this side from time to time because a lack of awareness can be dangerous. As the dark side within us accumulates and goes without acknowledgment, it can actually take over and tip the balance. It can manifest depression as well as our inner demons. The denial can lead to physical, emotional, and psychological, as well as interpersonal consequences that last a long time.

There is much more that can be said and perhaps I will break it down into a series, should there is any interest. But for now I just want you to sit with your shadow self and try to acknowledge it. Can you recognize some of these traits that make up your darker side? Just be still and bring awareness to it. Be honest with yourself and don’t worry, only you will know this, and it’s your secret for the time being, for you to understand. It’s not evil or a bad part of you, but it is a part that carries a heavy load that consists of your hardships and negative experiences. And please know that your experiences do not make you a bad person. You are a survivor and you’ve made it this far.

A message from the Lions gate portal

The Lions gate portal reached it’s full aperture on the 8th of this month and will be completely closed today, the 12th of August. I came across this cool little chart, listing our individual mantra based on our zodiac sign and the day we were born. These are the energies for August and what propels us into the coming months. I had to share the great news and I know everybody has been ready to catch a break and have positive change enter their life’s.Take a look for yourself and take the blessings in what is yours to receive and celebrate. Write your mantra down to activate these energies and consider it done.

Here is my personal message from the Lions gate and I am ready…

I am blessed, balanced and awakened. ❤️🦋

Connected by faith

I wrote this post the other day, before the news about Mom arrived and changed everything. I can no longer say that things in my own corner don’t matter, it would be a lie and news of that sort always impacts my life. I wouldn’t care otherwise. I rescheduled, and kept pushing this post for a later day, but it seemed untimely for what was going on in my own world. It’s hard to feel one thing and write or convey another. My posts are always written from the heart, but more important they are relevant to what is going on in my life when it comes to my journey. Ultimately, I’ve decided to still post this prior written post because life is not all about me. Life goes on and doesn’t wait for anyone, it doesn’t care about timing. Ready or not, we fight our battles in different corners of the world and I still feel your struggles. I hope this post can bring some inspiration and hope your way. To be a ray of light in the darkness, for you, as well as for me. I think it’s funny that I have always been good at giving advice to others, but I often can’t do the same for myself. I know what needs to be done and can trust my intuition, carrying it through is another thing. With that said, I join you in taking a dose of my own medicine, and hope that it fuels our day with motivation and inspiration. Xoxo 💙🦋

Thoughts from the other day,

I’ve been sitting here for quite some time tonight, wanting to get a message out to you and feeling kind of lost with where to start. I still sense your struggle and your hardship, while my mind drifts back to you. I sense a change in my intuitional abilities and they seem to have strengthened. I can hear the silent cries and the pleads for help, although they mostly go unspoken. More than ever do I feel the urge to reach out and be what I can during those times of darkness. I’m reminded of the power of one and the ability we each have to make a difference. A movement starts with one person and tonight I join you in the unity of strength in numbers.

It doesn’t matter what I want to write about and nothing quite fits the bill. Personal subjects would feel irrelevant and unrelated at this point, almost cold and uncaring. Those subjects can wait and don’t matter right now, what’s more important is that this time is about you. Right now my topics are replaced by thoughts of what encouragement I can sent your way and how I can help you the most. If you have followed me for some time, then you know that I’m a quote fanatic. I have found hope and wisdom in their truths and tonight I picked a few for you. I hope you can find that same strengths and something to relate to the same way as I did. May they comfort your fears and give you inspiration. Allow them to shed light and reassure you that you are not alone. And may you be reminded that you are cared for and loved. Here are a few that have spoken to me in the past and maybe they can reach you in a time of need. Light and love as always. 💙🦋

“It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it”

“Someone out there needs you to keep living”

“Beneath every strong independent woman lies a broken girl who had to learn to get back up and to never depend on anyone”

“Only you decide what breaks you”

“You are where you need to be. Just breathe” OM

“The power is in you. The answer is in you. And you are the answer to all your searches: You are the goal. You are the answer. It’s never outside” ~Eckhart Tolle.

Spiritual awakening – Stage 5

This stage had a big calling for me and it was said to be the stage of developing your spiritual gifts. The beginning of seeking a deeper connection with the source as you continue to tap into new learnings and miracles that are unfolding right before your eyes. Even though stage 5 is your main stage at this point, it is not uncommon to experience previous learnings and stages at the same time. You are just further in the process with more things making sense and coming full circle. But more about this later which is better described in stage 6.
Typical events experienced during this stage include:
Meditating – I believe meditation comes in many different forms. Most people might envision a person sitting on the ground, legs crossed in front of them with their eyes closed. To me, meditation was everything that calmed my soul and gave me peace of mind. It was something that I found in doing the things I loved whether it was doing art, listening to music or in my voracious reading attempts. It was fuel for my soul, but the most peaceful feeling I experienced out of all, was when I was in nature and felt as if I had returned home. And while I experienced joy in all activities, it was always nature that evoked that deep breath and a deep sigh of renewal. As if I was reborn and had acquired the strength to continue in real life and reality. 
It tied in with the experience of other mindful activities that were described which could also include yoga and Qigong. 
Creating was another, including painting, writing, singing etc. This one was huge for me as well with some activities spanning over several years. The paintings started after Sparky’s death and a talent or passion for such had prior been undiscovered. So did the writing and it was just recently that I had been inspired to pursue my passion of becoming a storyteller, a healer, somebody to share their own experiences in the hopes of benefitting others. I wrote a few times before but never at the level I am doing now and this blog is still in its infant stages. 
Other example events were studying healing modalities such Reiki. Honing your intuition by doing your own angel card readings. Strengthening your relationship with your spiritual guides and wanting to heal the world. 
Big daunting tasks that might seem overwhelming and you might ask yourself “Me, little ole me….heal the world”?. How exactly am I going to do that? I sure spend some time thinking about it and I have come to the conclusion that all I can ever do, is to do my part. To find my place and hopefully inspire a few along the way. I’m one, standing against the many who are still asleep, but I’m not alone and everybody has the potential to make a difference and contribute in their own way. Asleep or awake, we each have to find our own path and together we become the many that impact our daily life’s. 
Typical emotions expressed during this stage are said to be joy and eagerness, feeling the reconnection with yourself through your higher source. Finding your purpose and what you were meant to do, wanting to share your gift with others. It was a time things began to make more sense as it left me at a better vantage point to explain the emotions and experiences that I was living through. Intuitions materialized and premonitions became true. In many ways I felt as if I had become my own healer. I was on to improving my health and to live a healthier life style. Be more aware of healing foods and strangely, here too, it was that I searched the all knowing web and felt many times as if I had read these articles before. Or maybe I was doing something already without ever reading it. Being guided as if an inner voice was steering me. It was strange and it was something I couldn’t explain at the time. And then Pinterest came to my aid once more and I came across the mentioning of being an “Old soul” and a whole new roam to explore. 

Tired….so tired.

Ughhhh….I’m tired and if I wasn’t already, I definitely feel the holiday stresses catching up. More and more I find myself just vegetating away after work in the little time that seems to be left, playing a game on the iPad to relax and just “Be”. A game that requires no concentration while drowning out all noise as I play it in silent mode. The rest is filled with reading (my main read has been mailed off to be autographed and I’m waiting patiently for its return), when I’m not writing or another creative outlet to allow my mind to dangle carefree with not a single thought in mind. I had every intention to write this morning but my mind seems to be a bit foggy as it is resting up for another day of retail madness hahaha. I find myself sliding more and more towards the majority of people asking “Is it over yet?” and it truly makes me sad. It takes away from the true meaning of a time that should be filled with magic and wonder. I’m sure many people feel like this as the stresses mount and I hope you find time to pause and do something that allows your soul to marvel. Heck, I hope I do so myself. I feel like I’m sleeping my life away right now as I try to rest enough to stay healthy and make it through another day.
Another favorite outlet is music and art for me, which I often combine. Listening to music while creating something that is one of a kind is very soothing and feeds my ever growing need to create. It actually ties into one of the stages of spiritual awakening which will be the next chapter I write.

My paintings are fed by intuition and the events that happen in my life. Therefore they often become very personal to me as they remind me and resemble a certain time of my life. 

Here is an unfinished painting I started awhile back before I first stumbled across the article about spiritual awakening. It’s a bit creepy and you can see the similarities in my painting and the picture of the article, even though I had never seen it before. The Rays coming from the head, perhaps energy fields, waking up…..I’m not sure how my mind painted something I had never seen, something I would stumble across at a later time. You can imagine my astonishment and surprise as I saw the article. It looked strangely familiar, but I couldn’t place it at first until I saw my unfinished painting sitting in the corner, resembling those same lines emitting from the person. ??????

Creepy? What do you think….? Was my mind and subconscious trying to show me something? Divine intervention perhaps? A nudge from the divine universe?

The picture from the article I read…..

My unfinished painting….notice the lines and eyes closed in both pictures as if taking in a greater meaning, awareness, a spiritual awakening of the mind.

Spiritual awakening – Stage 4

Stage 4 in my journey was “Seeking to understand” and I definitely knew something had changed within. I was on to something, I just didn’t know what. Life felt enriched in many ways and yet I couldn’t put my finger on it to explain how so. Besides, there was also confusion when hunches materialized. It felt as if I had experienced something before, and yet I knew all too well that I had never been in those situations before. My perception had shifted and I felt more aware of everything around me. I had questions, but more so I felt strangely at ease and contend with how life was progressing.Stage 4 was described as seeing magic in the mundane and I remember straightening the sales floor one evening, preparing the store for the next shopping day. Not exactly a job that required a lot of brains and it was definitively different from what I was used to while running my own store. It was a non challenging task, a part of my job that could feel downright boring and mundane. There was nothing liberating about completing this task, it was simply just work, a means to pass the time, making a living and it was lacking a feeling of accomplishment. The job got done, but it held little significance to me, even though it was a task that couldn’t be compromised and had to be completed. Something happened that particular night and I remembered the movie “Night at the museum” with Ben Stiller guarding all the treasures inside the museum. Strangely I identified with this role as if it was up to me, the closing manager, to return all the toys to their rightful spot since they had gotten lost throughout the day. And just like that there was “Magic in the mundane”. A make believe fairytale, a land far away with all the toys coming to life long after everybody was gone. Of course that wouldn’t happen in reality but magic is reality to the one who believes and sees magic all around. And if not so then it was definitely the beginning of me going crazy haha. 
Some typical event of this stage to be experienced were: 
The thirst for spiritual knowledge – I found myself spending less time on social media, especially Facebook. Pinterest continued to be my best friend, flashing new pins at me that corresponded and tied in with prior saved ones, promoting my thirsting knowledge to grow even more.
Voracious reading – was an active part in my discovery and I realized that the stages I had experienced so far where much more than a phase. It wasn’t something that I completed and had moved on from, but it was something that was here to stay and to be experienced over and over. Something to add to my repertoire that enriched my soul and was here to stay with me forever. 

New books were flooding my home in the quest to learn more, seeking to understand. They were books connected to the soul, self help, the words of others who had experienced what I was going through and even a book talking about conversations with God. It was also a time I stumbled across Buddhism and Hinduism which I related to in many ways and felt connected.
It was a time said that you might seek like minded individual to share your findings – I was still a bit reluctant to share my experiences, in part due to not fully understanding them myself. I knew that it was during this phase that it must have felt to friends and family as if I had vanished off the planet. I didn’t keep up with connections as much as I should have been, or should I had? In prior times, everybody always came before me. It wasn’t that I became selfish overnight, but I was going through something, something I couldn’t explain just yet. I was on a journey to either find myself or return back home to myself and to who I was meant to be. I had felt lost for a long time and it was time to take care of myself for once. How was I going to explain that to anybody? I knew there was no way that I could have articulated that one, nevertheless trying to share it with somebody in the hopes that they could relate and understand what I was talking about. 
It was also mentioned that you might seek physic readings or attend a workshop. Although intriguing, I never did. Yet, that was and I say “Never say never”. As of now there are no plans to do so, but if one crosses my path at the right time, I can see it to be very possible that I will indulge. 
Another event could be traveling to sacred places such as Sedona, Stonehenge or Machu Picchu. My experience with such will require a separate post as there is so much to be said. 
And last but not least was seeking your true purpose. Something that could be experienced through really any stage. It’s another big one, one that makes me wonder how you might feel about this and if you have ever wondered about your purpose here on earth? Is there something that we are meant to do, and how do we know if and when we are doing it? For me it was and continues to be something that is connected to my core, my soul, something I feel deep inside. Something that is hard to explain but what is filled with the gratitude of being allowed to make a difference, or at least trying to do so and being able to see the bigger picture through increased intuition. The effort and desire to give it my best shot. It’s something that bestows the gift of awareness, letting me take it all in without taking anything for granted and finding joy in the simple things of life. The little things that often become the big things in life. Finding magic in the mundane and the strength to pursue and change my stars as I see them fit. It’s something that gives me the patience to endure by knowing that everything is how it is meant to be, even though there are big changes ahead in my immediate future. So the statement of “Hang in there” or “Everything will be ok” is out of place here and everything is already the way it is meant to be. If it has not progressed further, it is merely because another lesson needs to be learned to make the victory even sweeter. 
Typical emotions experienced during this phase are joy and exhilaration. I didn’t know how to articulate what had changed but I was happy that it did and I marveled in the feeling of bliss. Life had just become a little easier, maybe even a bit more enjoyable and the mundane tasks weren’t all that bad after all. 

There was also said to be impatience, a feeling that was described as not being able to learn fast enough. I was hungry and I had a yearning for knowledge, that was for sure. Sometimes it caused me to dabble in multiple books at the same time, but I wouldn’t label it as impatience. 
Xoxoxo ❤️