Artwork: “Epona” Dorrie Joy
Inspiring our connection to the land, this post comes to you from my Earth Pathways Calendar. Here is what it has to say for the month of May, about humanity, trust, unconditional love, and the space to recover and heal. It was giving to me by a special soul, my soul sister Amanda.
The Gentle Herd
We sit quietly, listening to the rustle of the leaves above us, we feel their warm breath across our faces, their whiskers tickling as they brush their muzzles across us, checking us out. Some pass by, pausing for a brief sniff before moving on, the remainder stand in a semi circle facing us. Their heads start to relax and drop, their eyelids begin to lower, nostrils and bottom lips relax. We all bask in the gentle energy that surrounds us. An occasional sigh, a stretch, a shuffle forward closer to us. The big gelding’s face is almost touching my own now. Gentle, despite his size. I look down and see my top is smeared with dirt from inquisitive muzzles.
All have trouble background, but thanks to the provision of unconditional love, healing and the space to recover by their guardian, they have chosen to open their big hearts to us, to trust humans again. I am humbled.
The mark on my top will fade but today will remain in my heart forever.
I would love to hear how this relates to your life, and what your take is. It reminds me that our past’s are seldom perfect. They leave smeared stains on our soul from time to time. It’s a reminder that we all have troubled backgrounds. Some of us share, some of us are silent, and don’t know how to, left to suffer alone. It’s also a reminder to allow space and time for healing, to practice unconditional love. That the choice lies with us to keep an open heart and to trust again.
That the whole world is inside of you: in your perspectives and in your heart. That to be able to find peace, you must be at peace with yourself first; and to truly enjoy life, you must enjoy who you are; and once you learn how to master this, you will be protected from everything that makes you feel like you can not go on, that with this gift of recognizing yourself, even when you are alone, you will never be alone.
How do the pieces fit together, was a question that came to mind today.
I talked to Mom both days, yesterday and today. She was in great spirits, actually a bit surprising to me, given that it was Dad‘s birthday yesterday. I think perhaps she felt good not having to share his memory alone, having someone (me) there to recall some of the stories. It was easy to stir her back to the funny times, and we found ourselves laughing instead of being overcome by grief. I’m sure Mom’s well-being and lighthearted mood on those two days certainly lifted a burden off of me. Even if just temporary.
It’s raining today and the barometric pressure has dropped. The humidity is climbing and I should be hurting. Yet I am surprisingly comfortable and it makes no sense at all. So what’s different?
- I have been more active. Spending more time outdoors and using my exercise equipment. It’s definitely a plus and I am determined.
- Since I dumped a whole glass of water in my bed, mind you that it happened at bedtime, I carry around a half gallon jug. Not only because I can close it tight, but it helps me gauge my daily water intake. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I have definitely increased the amount of water I drink. I wish water could always taste as great as it does when you are hiking, climbing that summit, being parched.
- I have started to make a conscious effort deciding what I feed my body. Many more salads, no sweets, no soda, no processed foods, reduced sugar, and that kind of stuff.
- I have been doing some crafting, felting to be more precise, that requires me to work more with my hands. Working with warm water and kneading the fabric has made a difference. I still have some ways to go, but it’s small steps I celebrate today.
- I have stepped away from typing so much, which has also helped my hands heal. It is in those stationary moments and actually now, writing this post that I can feel my hands getting stiff and the pain returns.
- I have started to take a few ibuprofens at bedtime. It has allowed a more restful sleep which is important for people with RA.
- Last but not least, I laughed a lot today, thank you to the courtesy of one amazing soul sister. So much actually until my belly was hurting and I could hardly breath. We will be in trouble when we meet in person, and I look forward to that day with all my heart.
So how do the pieces fit? I am not sure, and no matter how hard I have tried to analyze and figure this out in the past, I just don’t know. Laughter and love are definitely strong medicines and powerful potions. Great friends and amazing people, a content Mom for sure add to the equation. Maybe it is chasing my dreams and being on the brink of doing something a little different. Can you believe it, I thought of a great name to represent what I want to do, and I ordered business cards? So exciting, and they arrive Friday with the next step in sight. Or maybe it is just finally time for this cloud to lift and better times to greet me around the corner. It just has to be….it’s time. 🦋❤️
Stop trying to fix yourself, you’re not broken. You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond measure.
What ended in near panic last week, all worked itself out to a beautiful start of a new week. I’m still surprised I could get the repair of the blind done in record speed, and at minimal cost. I got lucky and I’m most grateful an appointment could be made this quickly. It is back in working order and my hiking stick is returned to where it belongs vs. being wedged under the door lock. I feel safer at night and another measure of security has been added.
I realize that it was mostly me who caused my own hell yesterday. I reacted to years of fear, angst to disappoint Mom, fused with a desire to please her, as well as a yearning for acceptance. My reaction showed that my no exception policy I try to keep when it very es to Mom is not fully in place yet, nor may it ever be. I’m not sure if I can give it up completely. It will be as if all hope has vanished if I do, and there will always be a part that wants that mother – daughter relationship to be closer. I’m contempt to know that not all days are equal. There will be moments of vulnerability, and I’m allowing myself to be human, to make mistakes, to not be perfect. Life, and these very challenges are not perfect, and in return they don’t deserve perfect actions. What I manage one day, might be my downfall the next. I’m ok that the results will vary, knowing that I will always do my best. And you know what? It’s good enough any day….and most of all I’m good enough.
There have been many snail messengers today, and part of it is due to the overnight rain. It left my little friends sliding in numbers over the wet grass this morning, and it is something that I don’t get to see back in the States. Despite the obvious reason of rain that caused the snail sightings, it is the message that comes along that I will take to heart.
“Home is where the heart is” ~Snail
I’ve been terrified the past two days with four large spiders in two days. Although they have a completely different spiritual meaning, I just can’t deal with spiders due to a traumatic experience back when I was a child.
Home is where the heart is leaves me pondering once more where my home truly is. Are the spiders driving me into one direction or another?
I’m being urged to slow down and reconsider what the big rush is. Snail is reminding me that I have been spending so much time focusing on my goals that I have been missing something that is right in front of me. I’m pausing to reconsider what the goal really has been, and what’s next.
I’m taking a break tomorrow and take time for myself. I will try and let go for a moment, to hopefully be able to see and realign myself. To arm myself with new strength and sanity, and to just be still.