It’s been over a week since I started this next chapter. Ever since travel day, I have worked nonstop and it’s slowly showing. I am getting tired and I am not sleeping good or long enough to feel rested for each new day. My mind tells me to pace myself a bit and yet it also slightly freaks at all that is still ahead and needs attention. No doubt have I grown stronger and the meds are carrying me through. Sometimes at lower doses and other times with a little extra help. Overall I feel accomplished of what happened and got done so far. All challenges, tasks, extra requirements and even the unexpected has been dealt with and has been tackled to the best of anyone’s ability.
I had a few scares in the house, such as no running water and electricity tripping the breakers, so basically I am without water and electricity. It’s definitely a challenge, but it is what it is. So far, when not sleeping at my uncles house, I have stayed here, walked myself through the darkness and cuddled under heavy blankets, three times so far. I have not found a comfortable medium yet and it’s either too cold here, or too hot at my uncles. Plus I spotted and luckily killed the first mosquito today. I’m not ready to be bitten to pieces, as they love my rare blood.
12 large lawn-bags full of various clothing have been donated to the Red Cross, and there is no end in sight just yet. Numerous other things, mostly still packaged and brand new have been given away to family to breathe new life into the memory of a person who is no longer amongst us. I had a few moments when running across familiar things or when the memories catch up, but I have managed it easier (mostly) then I anticipated. It almost feels like I am anxious to lighten my burden with every load, with every step, with each and every action. It’s bittersweet and some days I cry at night, but there is no way around it and I am holding up, non stop, each and every day so far.
If you are new to this site, I welcome you to my blog and my little corner, here on social media. I am grateful you have stopped by, perhaps you have left a comment, or even began to follow me. Blessed be….and I hope we support each other, and find great comfort in our words.
I am currently away as you are reading this, and I have returned to my birth country Germany to do some of the most important work I will ever do. It’s the deep work of my life and I will emerge a changed person once it is all done. While many posts are pre scheduled, (all the way through April 18th…can you believe it?), it will be this one that is pinned to the top of my blog to explain why I won’t be able to be as active, comment back, and interact with you. My time is limited to get my work done, and wifi might not always be abundant. Personal relationships and time with loved ones will take priority, but I still hope to keep you updated. I will be gone until the beginning of June and promise to catch up, read you and your insights, whenever I can.
I thank you for your continued trust and loyalty. Your friendship and support means the world to me as you guide me through the next months. I wish you all the best, while sending nothing but love and light. Stay safe and take good care of yourself.
I am doing further research on the subject of repairing the body on a cellular level and the how fasting can play a huge role in it. Today I will see my doctor again as a follow up to a prior visit and most likely any help that can, or will be extended, will be in the form of harsh pharmaceuticals only. Not my gig, but I with little choices and running out of time, I will have to do what needs to be done. The last straw for me now is the subject of fasting and what happens to the body. I will quote an article by Christian Coulson from 2020.
Fasting is not only for weight loss but also autophagy, something I never even heard of before and here is a closer look to what happens to us during the fast.
The Fed State (0-6 hours) After having your last meal, blood glucose levels rise. The increase will promote insulin secretion and stimulate protein synthesis as a signal to move glucose into the cell to be used as energy. The excess glucose will then be stored in the liver in the form of glycogen. The liver will store glycogen to reduce blood glucose and have energy during times of low food availability. The liver, however, can only store around 100g of glycogen and the excess is stored as fat.
The postabsorptive stage (6-24 hours) after 6 hours, blood glucose levels start to decrease, this leads to a decrease in insulin and an increase in glucagon, furthermore, the liver breaks down glycogen into glucose to be used as energy. When there is no intake of glucose, glucagon will serve to move glycogen stores as well as to prevent fatty acid synthesis.
Gluconeogenic stage (1-2 days) After 24 hours, you’ve used most of your glycogen stores. Consequently, your body starts transitioning from using glucose to using fat for energy. However, due to fats being difficult to access and be delivered where needed, this transition can take some time. Meanwhile, your body breaks down amino acids into glucose for energy in a process called gluconeogenesis.
Ketonic stage (2-3 days) One of the stages of fasting is the ketonic stage. At this point, your body starts entering ketosis. The decrease in insulin serves as a signal of low energy availability and promotes the break down of fats for energy. Fats are broken down into three fatty acids and glycerol. Fatty acids will be used as energy by most tissues. Glycerol, on the other hand, will be used to produce glucose, since some other tissues, such as the brain and red blood cells still need it.
Protein conservation (4+ days) After day four, your body relies mostly on fatty acids and ketones for energy. It also releases Hugh amounts of human growth hormone to maintain tissues and muscle mass.
Depending on how big your last meal was, you can expect to start burning fat after fasting for 6-24 hours. For most people, it ends up being around 12 hours. When you enter a fasted state, your body can burn the stored fat that it couldn’t access during the fed state. Here is a more in depth look
4-8 hours. Blood sugar and insulin levels drop.
12 hours. Food eaten has most likely been burned, digestive system starts resting, body begins the healing process, human growth hormone (HGH) increases, and glucagon is released to balance blood sugar.
14 hours. HGH keeps increasing and body begins to burn fat as energy.
16 hours. Fat burning increases.
18 hours. HGH increases even more.
18-20 hours. Autophagy starts to kick in and ketones are released.
36 hours. Autophagy increases by 300%.
48 hours. Cellular regeneration starts, and inflammation starts going down. Autophagy increases 30% more.
72 hours. Autophagy peaks.
Autophagy stands for cellular regeneration. During fasting, since you are not eating, your body is not getting enough nutrients. The lack of nutrients will force your body to break down old proteins and cells to get energy. Basically, autophagy forces your body to clean out the old, unwanted, and unneeded cells, as well as recycling and fixing damaged parts. During the period of refeeding, your body then starts creating new cells. Many people use fasting and autophagy to prevent cancer by destroying old cells.
All in all it sounds like a great opportunity to explore for me. Not only for getting a few extra pounds off and weight loss, but mainly to follow my theory on the subject to “Fix the cell to be well.” I think it is worth a try and I will definitely give it the green light.
Have you heard of Moringa before? Here are 20 powerful reasons to add Moringa to your diet, I have done so in the form of a tea which is simple and easy to do. Especially now since I have booted the coffee, well mostly, and switched to a healthier alternative for me. Take a look and see if you too can benefit from Moringa.
Loaded with antioxidants
Rich in alkalinity
Detoxifies the body
Boosts the immune system
Reduces risks of disease
Normalizes blood sugar
Helps lower cholesterol
Soothes the nervous system
Promotes good eye health
Improves mental focus
Helps relief depression
Stimulates hair growth
Helps reduces wrinkles
Rejuvenates the skin
Slows the aging process
Decreases water retention
Aids in weight loss
Helps improve sex drive
*wow, truly something for everyone when it comes to this impressive list of benefits
Just a few days ago I was very poorly with my swollen, deformed looking wrist and excruciating pain. I called my guardian angels, my spirit guides and animals, anybody that wanted to step forward and help, and I called Mom and Dad to help me ease the pain. A huge thank you goes out to all of you who have read and commented with kind words and suggestions on my recent post and my struggles with the RA. You who have sent prayers and love on my behalf. There is definitely power in prayers. Nearly two days later after the extreme pain of the “constant” I was getting back to a more dull feeling constant, a more manageable one. The one I’m used to. I can function again, although still in pain, and don’t have to worry about the simplest of basics. What a relief.
In hindsight it could have been the heavy grocery bags that triggered it. It could have been Cinnamon pulling too much on the leash, she is still a puppy and so excited to go for walks. Plus in the snow, her element, she is so strong and doesn’t tire as quickly as in the heat. She will hit the two year mark in June and hopefully mellow out a bit. It could have been a lot of things and while some things can be implemented, it was important for me to dig deeper. I am in the early stages of an elimination diet, eliminating foods that are triggers. All of last week I ditched the coffee and drank tea. On Sunday, one day a week was the thought process, I treated myself to a cup of Joe, but also had some chocolate and my sour yet sugar loaded Gummies. And this is when it happened. It could have been that and I am back on my tea regimen and might introduce another cup without the chocolate and sugars next weekend to pinpoint which one is the culprit.
I will start a leaky gut cleansing diet and follow it as closely as it is possible at this time. I am depleting old grocery staples and have already started to by healthier ones. It won’t be a 100% for awhile but I hope to see an impact. I am still not drinking enough water which helps flush out uric acid. Too much acid contributes to gout, another arthritis inflammation in the body that once you have it, you’ll have it for the rest of your life, but it is very treatable. Although I have not been formerly diagnosed by a physician, I feel this could be a problem and I am listening to my gut, looking into natural ways of treatment.
The mountain of getting there, of achieving better health seems daunting and too high to climb, but I am starting somewhere. I feel like I have started many times before, and somehow I have always fallen off of the wagon, soon or later, resorting back to my old, familiar ways. It’s expensive and often inconvenient to live healthy, but I feel that I have learned much since and that I am armed with the knowledge and resources to see it through this time. I have to be strict and take it 1000% seriously. I can’t think that the tiniest piece of chocolate is ok if it is the very thing that triggers flare ups. So if I want to adapt to one New Years resolution, then it should be called “ME.” This is my year and all the changes and preparations have led up to this point. This is the time for things to finally come to fruition.
What exquisite timing to come across the health benefits of a Salt Water Flush. While there are many, it might be best known for cleansing your colon, treat chronic constipation and help detox your body. It has also become a popular trend as part of the Master Cleanse detox and fasting program. Maybe you even find yourself in need of such a detox after indulging yourself in too many holiday goodies. Be forewarned though about the laxative effect and don’t venture too far from the porcelain god as it usually causes an urgent bowel movement within 30 minutes. Gee, what a topic, how did I get here?
For me it’s more of a matter of detoxification, removing toxins and old waste material, as well as parasites that lurk inside the colon. However before you consider doing one, please conduct your own research and see if this is for you. Further I was impressed with the additional benefits that come with doing one of these Salt Water Flushes.
Eases sore throats
Lowers pain in inflamed muscles
Contracts muscles in the digestive tract
Clears fluid retention
Establishes optimal ph level
Provides trace minerals
Forces out toxins and cleanses the colon
Balances electrolyte/mineral levels
Facilitates metabolic processes
Clears up digestive issues
Recipe: Dissolve two teaspoons of non iodized salt such as pink Himalayan sea salt in one quart (four cups) of warm water.
Add lemon juice to improve the taste if desired.
Drink the mixture as quickly as possible on an empty stomach.
Earlier this year, I ordered two handmade dolls from the Hiraeth Gallery in Wales. These little healers are handmade from Sara, the owner of the gallery and are infused with a variety of energies. Both of mine carry healing elements and are said to aid with healing. I was introduced to them by a soul sister and felt called. I was in a bad way health wise, but I believed in no ordinary moments and that these magickal, energetic beings had crossed my path with a purpose in mind. I needed help and I was at a point I was willing to go to great lengths and try anything. Soon I find myself placing my first order and before it even arrived, a second order was placed feeling drawn to a particular doll. It’s almost funny to think about it now and see similarities between my Mom and myself. Mom collected dolls and has a few sitting in her living room, untouched, much like it was when Dad passed and the place became a dedication to him, now in the same manner since she is gone. We might have shared some dolls between us in our adult life, but I am certain that the meaning of them is completely different.
Once arrived, I gifted Mati and Rhaeadr with a special handmade cabinet, their own house, painted and adorned by me to pay tribute and thanks to their new home here in the United States. Of having called out to me and having chosen to help me. Further each was gifted a Bloodstone to aid with the healing properties. They sure have travelled a long way to be with me and we almost missed each other by a matter of a few hours. I believe that they, along with a bunch of other things have made a difference and again the RA is in remission. When I say remission it’s not that the pain is completely absent, that I don’t struggle through the day, but my life quality has returned by making the pain much more manageable. I thank Mati and Rhaeadr for being a part of my family and that process.
Today I came across the word Hiraeth and I had no idea about it’s meaning. It’s perfect for a new word post and again the phrase “No ordinary moments” comes to mind. I was meant to find them all along. Hiraeth is Welsh and stands for a spiritual longing for a home which maybe never was. Nostalgia for ancient places to which we cannot return. It is the echo of the lost places of our soul’s past and our fried for them. It is the wind, and the rocks, and the waves. It is nowhere and it is everywhere and I happen to relate to it a great deal.
Inner child healing is said to be an essential part of inner work. The dictionary describes inner work as the psychological and spiritual practice of diving deep into your inner self for the purposes of self-exploration, self-understanding, healing, and spiritual transformation. For me it was mainly connected with a desire to understand myself, as well as my various behaviors and reactions. My goal was to learn about triggers and wounds created early on in life, with the hope to bring healing and addressing a pain body that was rooted on an emotional level, and in turn resulting in a pain body that made itself visible in the form of RA flare up’s. Trapped emotional trauma that was stored and unresolved transformed into the physical form and in my case into chronic disease.
I have only come across inner child healing earlier this year and already, it has become an essential part of my journey. It has opened my eyes and unlocked secrets. It has brought me face to face with myself and transformed pain into healing and love. It is also described as the psychotherapeutic or spiritual process of changing yourself to become the person you know you can be. To go through this process of embarking on such deep and profound work, we have to recognize that certain things within us are out of balance. We have to admit that we are not perfect, but that we are flawed. We have to express a goal of no longer wanting to turn our heads the other way by ignoring our shadow self and our darker aspects. We have to recognize that nobody is perfect and it includes us….especially us. Doing inner work, means that we have to be honest with ourselves and this is not a time for foolish pride. In the process of it we need to recognize and observe that we act out of character in certain situations. We need to pinpoint what it is that we would like to change about ourselves. On its own, inner child healing reconnects us to the wounded elements of our inner child within. Inner child healing is the term given to therapeutic work on childhood wounds. It is an effort to correct and to balance, to remove and to heal while expressing a desire to achieve inner peace.
Just recently I was thinking about what an enormous responsibility it is to raise children. I was never been gifted with this responsibility, but I pay homage and pull my hat to all of you parents out there who do a fabulous job and show up each and every day. The sacrifices you bring to the table make it easy for me to see that as a parent you want the best for your child. Often this includes a better life than the one you might have experienced yourself. You pray for a life with less struggles, and smooth sailing as it is your best wish and hope your child lives a healthy, successful and glorious life. Let’s not forget a happy life which is often overlooked and not listed as an essential requirement, but it truly is. You put forth your best every day, all for the well being of your child. After all, you are his/her mentor, guardian and protector, and in many ways you keep him/her safe, providing a roof over their head, food on the table and clothes to wear which is not always a given in many 3rd world countries. And yet it is impossible to protect your beloved from the lessons of life. From the experiences their soul has agreed to have in this lifetime before they were even born. It renders you helpless and you can only watch and support to the best of your ability. My soul has agreed to many years of struggle and to lessons that I yet have to learn. I am still identifying my wounds and the things that are out of balance. I am still discovering things I would like to change about myself. I continue to be my worst critic, but I have also become my best friend and my biggest supporter. Most of all and despite of this ongoing learning process, I am at peace and that’s what’s most important to me. I know that changes will continue to come in their due time and that the lessons and experiences of life will never end. I am ok with it, with this current moment, my now, and don’t need to wish that things could be different. Everything happens in divine timing and I might as well enjoy the current scenery to the best of my ability. I am grateful that I have adapted to a personal concept of finding beauty within a weed, to see something positive amongst the devastation of a Wildfire, that I search for the lessons even amongst the most painful experiences and that I always find a way to keep going.
When it comes to my inner wounds, I know that they are elements that were hurt as a child. Elements that nobody on the sidelines could really protect me from. These elements would follow me all of my life until I was finally ready to stare them into the face and do the healing. It’s something that has to be realized first and too often we don’t even know that such a thing exists. How could we ever be aware that we are missing something, that something needs mending, that something is begging to be healed. It takes a great deal of life experiences and pain that eventually brings this awareness into our life. One such element is a stubborn one and I have tried to heal it several times already. It has to do with my yearning for meaningful relationships and friendships. It branches off into other inner children such as abandonment, unworthiness, invaluable, isolation, a feeling of being left behind, betrayed, taking for granted, and more if this yearning is triggered and not met. While I have healed many of these childhood wounds and inner children, I have yet to learn as to why such a connection is so meaningful to me and why I crave it so much. Perhaps I am still focusing on “too small” (individual connections) and my purpose is even greater than I realize it myself. Time will tell and in the meantime until this divine moment arrives, I am here doing the work and laying the foundation.
I have learned that I don’t need these connections for my own happiness, to feel loved, to feel complete or because I need to feel validated and accepted. I know that I already carry everything I need within me and it does bring great comfort. I know that happiness is not dependent on others, but others can surely enrich a state that is already present. I know that in life we might never be all that we hope in the eyes of every single person. It’s simply impossible and we don’t always connect on the same level. Yet there remains a yearning to share life, to feel connected to someone or something other than myself. I am pondering what that is and where this wound was created. I am sure it has to do with the early death of my father and the harsh feeling of being left behind. A feeling of abandonment and missed chances. A feeling of last moments without realization they would never return, and having to come to terms with a new way of life and without him. I am pondering the name of this wound and while I could call it a great many names, I am searching for the main umbrella that encompasses all the other wounds and reactions thereof. Perhaps that’s why it has been so difficult to address and heal this specific one. Therefore I relive some of the same experiences and emotions over and over. The same hopes surface and the same disappointments follow. Today, I am merely recognizing that I have a little more work to do and that this inner child is not completely healed yet. I understand that a lesson will repeat until it is learned and I’m committed to break the repeat cycle. I wonder what the lesson is and how it is healed. Personally I am tired of this teacher and I want to waive farewell as I integrate it with my soul and shower it with love. I haven’t quite figured out this season for a reason thing yet and why people come and go so frequently. Why potentially meaningful relationships are reduced to encounters, an acquaintance, or nothing at all. Why interests and needs change so quickly and not over time, why it is a use and be used kind of experience and why time is simply up. Am I truly the only one feeling this way!
“Never wish them pain. That’s not who you are. If they caused you pain, they must have pain inside. Wish them healing. That’s what they need. ~Najwa Zebian
We all have been there. We all have been hurt by others, whether from a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend or loved one, we all have experienced what it feels like to have our feelings crushed. In that moment it seldom matters whether it was intentional or a mere misunderstanding, or something that just didn’t come out right. I’ve never been much like the eye for an eye person, or the one that has to retaliate. Of course I have been hurt and of course I have been angry when I found myself caught in the middle of whatever injustice came my way. I think it’s human for us to feel this way, but I have been practicing the above quote for a few years now. Am I perfect at it? No, of course not and there is always room to fine tune and expand further in our practices. However, it has taught me an increased compassion for others. An understanding that when someone acts from a place of hurt, it is usually because hurt is what is holding them in a tight grip. Often it’s a defense mechanism, sometimes an empowerment to make themselves feel better or superior, to justify that they matter and are important. Being able to recognize and practice this is rarely understood by others who might think something is wrong with you, but does it truly matter who understands and who doesn’t? Could you wish somebody well and healing who has just hurt you? You might be surprised if you consider it, for it will set you free. Maybe some things don’t deserve to be forgiven, but you will always be deserving of your own peace of mind and freedom. It’s always different when we act from our heart space rather than our mind space.
My two healers from Wales have arrived. Just the process of getting them to me was complex and not easy. I almost missed them by an hour and they would have taken on the journey back to England, but now they are here. The two dolls were handcrafted by Sara at Hiaethgallery and are one of a kind. It is said that Gwragedd Annwn fairies can attract GOOD HEALTH and good health was exactly what I was so desperately seeking. Each doll is infused with magic and specific properties, unique to each doll. They are often accompanied with healing gemstones, besoms, and special charms. Each creation carries the energy of the one who created them, with a specific wish and purpose to be fulfilled in their new forever home.
As a welcome gift, I turned an old white multi opening cabinet into a custom home for them. I wished I would have taken a before and after picture, but I was on eager to get started. What you see in the picture above is the backside of it with their names and the healers hand painted on. The Healers hand has been an important part of me, ever since I became a Reiki Master and is a powerful symbol. Another gift I gave each one was a little Bloodstone to aid and support their healing for me. Strangely, within a day or two after they arrived I felt sicker than usual. Headaches, dizziness, weakness, just an overall feeling of exhaustion and not being well. I found it odd and strange. From time to time I looked at them as if I was waiting for an answer as to what was going on. Of course there wasn’t a physical answer, but just a few days later I started to get better again. And this time the better feeling was hanging around longer, with more breaks in between physical pain, and the scale was tipping. I seemed to struggle a little less, had more energy and completed tasks with more ease, albeit every time I say this, I revert back to an awful day. But not so far, not yet and that in itself is a milestone to build on. And then, a few days after finally getting better again, and staying well, I got my answer and it seemed as if they had purged something dark, something ill, a sickness, a weakness, a struggle within me. It feels strange to even say this and skeptics would shake their head at me, but that’s what I choose to believe and if it helps me, then I say “more power to me.” So, I say welcome to my two healers, while I look forward to a wonderful relationship together. You may even get another friend down the road, handmade from me to join you very soon. I have been largely inspired to test my abilities and most materials have been gathered to create my own. Let’s see what emerges and if I can pull it off.