In working with the Full Moon energy of last month, I was determined to get to the bottom of why I felt so emotional. So vulnerable, so delicate, so raw. I had already discovered that in part it was due to what I read about this powerful moon, but another part of me told me that it was due to unresolved wounds deep inside of me. By that time I knew and had heard about inner children and the works of inner children that we all carry from traumatic experiences in our lives.
Most inner children are created by the age of 8 years old. At that point time stands still for that inner child and while our physical and mental body continues to age and grow, that inner child doesn’t. That experience, as well as the emotions and feelings from that traumatic event are stored and held by the inner child. It is common that this child creates behaviors, ways and attitudes to protect us. We might withdraw, close ourselves, act differently, even put up walls. when it comes to avoiding that trauma that caused the hurt. As we go on and live our life these traumas get triggered by similar experiences. When this happens the protective behaviors created jump into action. It’s like engaging into auto pilot, and sometimes we have no clue as to why we reacted the way that we did or why something even bothered us. Have you ever started to cry when a certain song hit the radio? During a movie? Does your mood shift from one moment to the other, leaving you feeling more vulnerable on some days? Do you avoid certain things, withdraw, hide your true authenticity? Often we are not even aware of our inner children and the trauma that was sealed in time, trapping our emotions and unresolved energy, as well as reactions and behaviors.
For instance: You might feel unlovable if you grew up in a household without love. There are feelings and emotions attached to this that are most likely very painful for you to remember. You avoid it, you don’t want to go there. The emotions live on, over decades like in my case, sometimes to remain unresolved. To reincarnate into a different lifetime with another chance to resolve, to find your purpose and to free yourself and your soul from karma.
When these traumas are created your inner child will create a behavior to protect you from feeling this pain again. You might find it difficult to love yourself in an effort to avoid love all together. Perhaps you struggle to commit to a relationship, close yourself off, or have feelings of unworthiness.
Just like me, sitting there, feeling overcome and emotional all of a sudden. Experiencing a sadness and emptiness I couldn’t pinpoint at first. I would learn more about triggers later, more about these old wounds, and one of my inner children. And yes we can have many inner children, depending on how much trauma we have encountered, how old our soul is and how much was reincarnated from our ancestors.
It actually was the night of the full moon that I started to dig deeper. A message from another healer, my dear sister confirmed that my energy was blocked and that I wasn’t accepting any healing light. I wasn’t in the least bit surprised and knew that I had to utilize the powerful moon to engage and meet this inner child that was crying out so intensely.
Please see the link for the meditation below of you feel inclined to try it for yourself and if this speaks to you.
During my meditation I asked for the inner child that correlated to the way I was feeling to step forward. Like all my mediations, healings, and shamanic journeys, this ended up being a very powerful and emotional for me. I became aware of the sequence of events and that everything had to happen this way so I could arrive at this very important particular point. Soon I recognized wounds that spanned over decades, some reincarnated, some from prior lifetimes, some ancestral and others from my own life experiences that triggered that inner child. I completed the healing but believe that multiple attempts will be needed to clear it’s energy entirely. But what I can tell you now is that I feel lighter, that a step was made into the right direction, that a burden is lifting, that I have begun the process of healing and reintegrating my inner children, and that in itself is some of the most important work I will ever do.