At the gates of ancestral trauma – Now what?

My journey to ancestral healing started here.

https://rhapsodyboho.wordpress.com/2021/03/10/at-the-gates-of-ancestral-trauma-healing/

https://rhapsodyboho.wordpress.com/2021/03/12/at-the-gates-of-ancestral-trauma-shamanic-journey/

https://rhapsodyboho.wordpress.com/2021/03/16/at-the-gates-of-ancestral-trauma-the-chosen-one/

If you are interested how I arrived at this point, the links above, in order, will give you great insight about the process. In the last post I talked about the message I received from Dad, about being the chosen one and that it was always up to me to clear and heal our family’s ancestral trauma.

The message felt powerful and fitting, although initially it took me by surprise. After days of coming to terms with it and letting it settle with myself, I knew it was my duty, and “the call” that I heard days ago, truly integrated within myself. I knew I had to do it, and I knew it would not only heal my family line, but also myself. I wanted to do it. Now, days after the message and getting comfortable with the idea, I arrived at the “Now what” scenario. What would be my process and how would I approach doing this healing?

After sleeping on it and letting it sit, I trusted that the next step would reveal itself in due time and come forward without force. And indeed it did and what surfaced was a memory back to 2018 while Mom was in the nursing home already. Another incident form that time stands out as Mom became very sick and her lungs filled with water. She was on a respirator and could hardly breathe. One day when I was sitting next to her, she had extra difficulties catching her breath. Her earlobe was already turning blue and I rang for help. A male nurse came into the room, immediately noticing what was going on. He took Mom’s hand and proceeded with a soft tone to ask her some questions. “Oh, hello, I heard you are from the neighboring village. Did you live there all of your life?” It was things like that he was asking her and in the process of it he distracted Mom from the fear of not being able to breathe. It calmed her down and made her relax. Soon her skin tone returned to normal and the threat had subsided. He smiled and barely noticeably nodded at me, for I knew exactly what had just transpired. With a grateful smile I nodded back at him, forming my lips in a silent “thank you.”

It was obvious that Mom was still a little shaken once we were alone again. Without a doubt was it a scary few minutes for her and I could tell that nearly in tears she was still wrestling with what had just happened. It was in those short vulnerable moments that I took her hand and our eyes met in silence. I had the feeling that she wanted to say something and I gave her some time and space. Nothing and she remained silent, still baring that same look, fighting with herself to speak. And still she couldn’t and I felt a sadness creeping up realizing that she couldn’t jump over her shadow. This was not her strength and talking about feelings, appearing vulnerable and weak was not something she was comfortable with.

Sitting there in silence I finally asked her softly it there was something she wanted to say to me. Her eyes said yes, but not one word passed her lips. After giving her some time, I smiled at her and said the following…”It’s ok, because whether you tell me or you don’t, whether you verbalize it or remain in silence, it doesn’t really matter because I know what you want to say either way.” This time she nodded at me, grateful, relieved and thankful. I could tell that what I said restored some peace within her and put her at ease with herself and what was going on.

During my “Now what” moment this incident that transpired between Mom and me showed up and immediately I knew that a shamanic journey to meet Mom was in order. Living in the energetic now she knows that I have long forgiven her for the emotional neglect I felt as a child and even in my adulthood. I feel strongly about making this journey and going beyond her knowing of what’s in my heart. It needs to be spoken, which will heal my wound and trauma as well as hers.

To be continued…

At the gates of ancestral trauma – The chosen one

Continued from here and here

I felt strongly about what was revealed to me during my shamanic journey with Dad. It felt relevant and I believed that it was up to me to release the bonds of family trauma, including my own. It was up to me to heal ancient wounds and according to Dad I was the chosen one to do it.

I even had a better understanding as to why I always felt so sad about Mom’s traumatic life. Fleeing the war with a few things on their backs, not knowing her father until he was released from being a POW when she was 11, the early and sudden death of her husband, my father, and the lack of joyous events in her life. I always felt burdened by the lack of balance and that the tears and heartaches dominated happiness and smiles.

There was a time I would have done anything to spare my parents the hardship they experienced. There was a time I would have switched with Mom, carrying these sorrows in exchange for her happiness. Even if meant to give my own life. It’s just how much I loved her. Here I was, a 10 year old who took on the enormous responsibility to bring joy to Mom, to make her happy, to fill a void and smooth the loss of her husband. It was a burden impossible for me to take on. A burden I couldn’t carry, yet I tried, and perhaps it was what my soul had agreed to for this lifetime.

Coming to terms with the events of my life and my childhood, I now stared into the depths of the impossible. An unimaginable task that wasn’t mine to carry. A task that I could never fulfill. And yet somehow I made a soul contract with myself, because there was nowhere else to turn to. There was no help available at that time, and people had to deal with their tragedies in their own way.

Nobody asked any of this from me, but knowing myself I’m sure I felt that I had to do something. I didn’t know at the time that by doing so I would leave myself wide open for many wounds to accumulate. And I’m not sure if that would have made a difference. For me it was nothing more than the love of a daughter for her Mom, trying to help her see better days again.

Now decades later of carrying this burden, years of working through the emotions and the heartache, I finally heard the voice telling me that it was up to me to heal our family’s ancestral trauma. It’s a moment I will never forget, a moment that feels very surreal and powerful. A moment so important in my life that it has become an actual game changer.

To be continued….

At the gates of ancestral trauma – The work begins

Picture: Yahoo

By now I was fully emerged into my Inner child healing. It became my mission to connect and heal each child, one by one. So far I had met two inner children and I was still adjusting to the concept that there is more than just one inner child. Each so far required an emotional process, but I could feel layers of deep trauma peeling away by doing this important work. In a sense it felt as if I was reinventing myself. Peeling away that final layer of resistance and trusting process with a knowing and confidence I couldn’t explain.

It as a different reinventing and I’m not talking about a new haircut, a new diet or something like that, but through deep emotional healing that would ultimately propel me to my higher self, , my soul’s purpose, visible in appearance, attitude, behavior and a much lighter heart.

March 2nd was like a new dawn. I felt as if I was finally crawling back from the darkness. Although I was still in a lot of physical pain, there was an emotional release that helped me see things on a brighter side again. I knew I was coming around the bend by doing this important work. At least mentally I felt more stable and the depression and vast emptiness subsided. No sudden loneliness came over me, or crying from one moment to the next without knowing why. I could finally trust myself again vs. being afraid of myself.

It was as if I was looking in from the outside, being a distant observer, able to evaluate the situation from a different level or was it that I was just getting numb to the bullshit. Nevertheless I felt guided and that something had been set into motion. Something was different, something started and took me along in tow. I wondered why some of us seem to struggle so much more while others seem to have it all together? Have you ever looked at someone thinking how well pulled together their life is? Is it control, are they stronger than we are, do we feel too much, are they hiding it better, are we blowing things out of proportion, or is there something wrong with us? Are we troubled souls, unable to find our way through life, or is it that we feel on a different, a much more intense level? Perhaps it is something different all together? Maybe you have asked the same question before. I have come to the conclusion that those of us feeling this way are actually blessed. For we are given an opportunity and the tools of understanding, recognizing and resolving such trauma that has held us prisoner for so long. Sometimes a lifetime. I think others feel it too, but perhaps don’t know what it is or how to work with this energy. So if you are here, count your blessings, not everybody get’s this chance.

March 2nd was a turning point, and I felt empowered and motivated. It was time for the biggest transformation of my life. I realized that in reality I had long known that this day would come, and it was finally here. Was I surprised that finally it was time, or had I stopped believing that I would ever see it! A lifetime seemed to have passed since I first knew. Now it was here, at a magnitude I couldn’t have predicted. A magnitude that would become my salvation in the pursuit of peace within, especially from foreign and outside influences. It was only the beginning, but already I knew.

After the stir of the Full moon I did a shamanic journey to meet Dad in the energetic world. I used to believe that losing Dad was my first traumatic life event, but now I was learning that some events dated much further back and some trauma isn’t even mine to carry. For example ancestral trauma which is the trauma of the generations that came before you. Trauma that was experienced and not resolved, now reincarnated into another lifetime, into your soul. It became obvious that I carried the trauma of my family, burdens generations before me were unable to work through and lift.

All of a sudden it was clear that Dad’s passing was when my conscience was jolted into action, and it stood the first time that I recall trauma in an awakened and aware state. But it was not my first experience and most of my inner children had formed already before Dad’s passing. This usually happens by the age of eight.

To be continued..,

Inner Child healing

In working with the Full Moon energy of last month, I was determined to get to the bottom of why I felt so emotional. So vulnerable, so delicate, so raw. I had already discovered that in part it was due to what I read about this powerful moon, but another part of me told me that it was due to unresolved wounds deep inside of me. By that time I knew and had heard about inner children and the works of inner children that we all carry from traumatic experiences in our lives.

Most inner children are created by the age of 8 years old. At that point time stands still for that inner child and while our physical and mental body continues to age and grow, that inner child doesn’t. That experience, as well as the emotions and feelings from that traumatic event are stored and held by the inner child. It is common that this child creates behaviors, ways and attitudes to protect us. We might withdraw, close ourselves, act differently, even put up walls. when it comes to avoiding that trauma that caused the hurt. As we go on and live our life these traumas get triggered by similar experiences. When this happens the protective behaviors created jump into action. It’s like engaging into auto pilot, and sometimes we have no clue as to why we reacted the way that we did or why something even bothered us. Have you ever started to cry when a certain song hit the radio? During a movie? Does your mood shift from one moment to the other, leaving you feeling more vulnerable on some days? Do you avoid certain things, withdraw, hide your true authenticity? Often we are not even aware of our inner children and the trauma that was sealed in time, trapping our emotions and unresolved energy, as well as reactions and behaviors.

For instance: You might feel unlovable if you grew up in a household without love. There are feelings and emotions attached to this that are most likely very painful for you to remember. You avoid it, you don’t want to go there. The emotions live on, over decades like in my case, sometimes to remain unresolved. To reincarnate into a different lifetime with another chance to resolve, to find your purpose and to free yourself and your soul from karma.

When these traumas are created your inner child will create a behavior to protect you from feeling this pain again. You might find it difficult to love yourself in an effort to avoid love all together. Perhaps you struggle to commit to a relationship, close yourself off, or have feelings of unworthiness.

Just like me, sitting there, feeling overcome and emotional all of a sudden. Experiencing a sadness and emptiness I couldn’t pinpoint at first. I would learn more about triggers later, more about these old wounds, and one of my inner children. And yes we can have many inner children, depending on how much trauma we have encountered, how old our soul is and how much was reincarnated from our ancestors.

It actually was the night of the full moon that I started to dig deeper. A message from another healer, my dear sister confirmed that my energy was blocked and that I wasn’t accepting any healing light. I wasn’t in the least bit surprised and knew that I had to utilize the powerful moon to engage and meet this inner child that was crying out so intensely.

Please see the link for the meditation below of you feel inclined to try it for yourself and if this speaks to you.

During my meditation I asked for the inner child that correlated to the way I was feeling to step forward. Like all my mediations, healings, and shamanic journeys, this ended up being a very powerful and emotional for me. I became aware of the sequence of events and that everything had to happen this way so I could arrive at this very important particular point. Soon I recognized wounds that spanned over decades, some reincarnated, some from prior lifetimes, some ancestral and others from my own life experiences that triggered that inner child. I completed the healing but believe that multiple attempts will be needed to clear it’s energy entirely. But what I can tell you now is that I feel lighter, that a step was made into the right direction, that a burden is lifting, that I have begun the process of healing and reintegrating my inner children, and that in itself is some of the most important work I will ever do.

https://click.mlflow.com/link/c/YT0xNjA2MTY3MTQ5NjcwMzA2NzI4JmM9cDJ2NCZlPTAmYj00MTY0NjY5MTEmZD1iNWY3cjhm.ZpAFmWohmiUyxyVIi64RUav0KLtF2FvVj3xE2hHzGAk

You are cordially invited

Picture: Yahoo

This is your formal invitation to tonight’s Reiki healing at 7PM PST.

It’s your invitation to be filled with light and love. To trust that the universe has a plan for you, and that you are loved beyond measure.

It’s your invitation to accept all that is, including yourself and where you are in your journey. You are divine and everything you seek is also seeking you.

It’s your invitation to embrace forgiveness and let go of any shortcomings you might experience.

This is your invitation to make mistakes, to take chances and to release perfection.

This is your invitation to be uniquely yourself. You are one of a kind, quit aspiring to be a copy. An original is always worth much more.

You are invited to look silly and be perfectly imperfect. To trust yourself and follow your heart. To be free of judgement and negative feelings from yourself and others. None of it weighs you down any longer.

This is your invitation to be proud of yourself and of all that that you have accomplished. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing important work.

This is your invitation to take the tough lessons and turn them into opportunities. To learn to dance in the rain and to see the silver lining in the hardest of challenges.

This is your invitation to let go of anger and free yourself. You are starting to see and you are on the brink of meeting your most authentic self. Take your time.

This is your invitation to laugh out loud, to dream big and to chase your stars, for anything is possible.

Tonight we dance with childlike abandonment. We dance like no one is watching.

Tonight we meet in the energetic as healing is sent your way. Tonight we are waving goodbye to February and welcome March. Are you ready? See you there…🙏🏼💙

Anti inflammatory tea

In our health segment this week, I am addressing inflammation in the body. It is the cause for many chronic diseases and illnesses and is no friend of ours.

Inflammation in the body is caused in many forms and here are just a few of them. Poor diet, not enough exercise and stress are the main contributors to inflammation.

Do you have swollen joints, stiff muscles, flu like symptoms, fever, chills, fatigue, loss of energy, headaches, or a loss of appetite? If so you might be at risk of having inflammation in the body.

6 steps for reducing and managing inflammation in the body.

1. Load up on anti inflammatory foods
2. Control blood sugar
3. Cut back or eliminate inflammatory foods
4. Make time to exercise
5. Lose weight
6. Manage stress

An impressive list, but also one that’s not often managed so easily. We know how hard it can be to lose a few extra pounds and that stressful job is still needed to pay the bills. A vicious cycle that’s often hard to break. But here is one little thing you cc’s n incorporate that can make a world of difference and it’s as simple as a few cups of tea a day. It really helps.

What you need is a cup of green tea, with 1/4 teaspoon of turmeric. Heat and stir well to dissolve as best as possible. It’s a little stubborn but can be done with a little extra TLC. You can also add a turmeric supplement to your daily routine and don’t forget about our Limes from last week to flush out the toxins.

Awe…

Awe…this is usually my first view when I wake up in the morning. Other times, if I sleep too long, she might come up and lays her head on my shoulder, ensuring I’m ok. She did so this morning as I had a nightmare, coming to comfort me. She is very intuitive in that sense and picks up on vibrations and energy. She also brings care to an area you might have hurt yourself at, for instance a scab on your body and not much gets passed her.

Cinnamon has become a regular guest in my bed and usually ends up right in the middle, where it’s most comfortable and the heading blanket gets the warmest. She likes to stare out of the window to watch birds and just gaze at the world waking up, alongside with us. She is a sun goddess and will find the tiniest corner to soak up the rays and get her vitamin D. She is truly one of a kind and perfect to end the week with a fulfilled and a sweet sigh of awe….

See you tonight lovelies for our weekly Reiki healing at 7 PM PST.

Namaste 🙏🏼💙

Lime Water

Picture: Yahoo

After getting much appreciated feedback for my Celery post, I have decided to do a health segment on this blog, much like our weekly unusual word post. I felt that each one of us has so much to share and yet at times it’s the simplest of remedies we hear for the first time. I hope to inspire you with simple yet powerful knowledge, and arm you with easy weapons that don’t take much to incorporate into your daily routine. I look forward to any and all feedback concerning this blog segment.

Today I would like to share the benefits of lime water and it’s surely an easy, quick and inexpensive additive to boost your health. Here are some amazing benefits of adding lime to your water whenever you can.

• Boost immune system
• Prevent cancer
• Increase energy
• Improve digestion
• Balance PH
• Lower blood pressure
• Improve liver function
• Reduce oxidative stress
• Detoxification
• Bowel movement

Impressive, don’t you think. Especially if you are struggling with any of these issues and definitely worth a try. I think there is something for everyone in here since no body is immune to cancer or couldn’t use a little boost to the immune system.

Coconut Oil Spa

My little bathroom retreat / tub corner with candle chandelier and lots of other candles. Dim the lights, turn into soft music, reiki music at a healing frequency is perfect, light the candles of course and sit back for awhile.

February, month of self care and purification. How well have you looked after yourself so far? Are you running out of ideas or need a few suggestions of how to spoil yourself without breaking the bank? How about a retreat right at home with this Coconut Oil Spa?

Once a week for 20 minutes, that’s all you need to commit to. Soak in a bath with a third cup coconut oil, (careful slippery) 20 drops of lavender oil, and 1 cup of Epsom salts. This combo draws out toxins, balances ph levels, and brings balance back into your being. Plus you sleep like a baby if done in the evening before bedtime, enjoying the calming effects of lavender.

Enjoy. 💙

Coming out of the darkness

The calendar marked the 23rd of January and finally, finally, finally, I was coming out of the darkness. The pain eased up which is a big deal for us suffering from a chronic disease. I must say that when this moment comes, it means everything and is a game changer. By now, I had seen these cycles come and go and been through so many flare ups and remissions that I felt like an expert knowing how it was affecting the quality of my life.

Not too long ago, all within that week, I felt whiny, emotional, vulnerable, breaking down, even crying. The tension was unbearable and it’s hard to imagine what you go through during these times unless you have experienced it yourself. Even just sitting and not moving is uncomfortable as the tension never eases up. Limbs tingle, muscles ache and your range of motion is a fraction from what it is on a good day. Putting your hair in a pony tail can leave you in tears, part because of the pain it causes and the reminder that a simple task as such becomes a challenge and huge undertaking.

January 23rd finally brought a breakthrough. Not one that would miraculously wipe away all the pain, (although that’s possible as well), but one that made the hurt more manageable again. It is during those times that you gather your strengths and motivation. When you get totally Gung Ho to impact your life, because if you can help it in any way, you are not going back to that pit of pain for a long, long time.

Coming out of the darkness is one of the most profound feelings. It feels like you have been bestowed an awesome gift, the gift of getting your life quality back. Without it, your day is reduced to struggles, and pain management that can easily turn into depression and fear. January 23rd marked a turning point for me, a new chance, a little window of opportunity, and it came with not a minute to spare.

All of a sudden there was a pep in my step, “Hello my old friend” it’s nice to have you back. There was motivation and the desire for creation. I ended up making Ginger Syrup to stock up on my inventory and use up the fresh ginger I still had. You can find some of the benefits and healing properties of my homemade syrup here.

https://rhapsodyboho.wordpress.com/2020/10/10/ginger-syrup/

I also worked on some new merchandise for my Etsy shop at Youniqua which I will share with you in another post. By the way, it’s also there that you can order your very own homemade syrup by me. 🤗 Thank you in advance for looking.

It was a good day and a fresh start at trying again. Of realizing were changes could be made, of building on the blocks in place already, putting on another story of the shook foundation, and move forward once more. And I knew I had special people in my corner cheering me on, sending me healing, saying prayers for me and simply being there to catch me when I started to tumble.

January 23rd was a day of many emotions. Also a day my aunt and uncle who passed from Covid were laid to rest in Germany. It was a day of clarifying intents and relations and reconnecting with a dear soul very special to me. January 23rd had a little of everything but will definitely be a day to be remembered. And from here on out, I can only go up and tickle the sky once more.