Earlier this year, I ordered two handmade dolls from the Hiraeth Gallery in Wales. These little healers are handmade from Sara, the owner of the gallery and are infused with a variety of energies. Both of mine carry healing elements and are said to aid with healing. I was introduced to them by a soul sister and felt called. I was in a bad way health wise, but I believed in no ordinary moments and that these magickal, energetic beings had crossed my path with a purpose in mind. I needed help and I was at a point I was willing to go to great lengths and try anything. Soon I find myself placing my first order and before it even arrived, a second order was placed feeling drawn to a particular doll. It’s almost funny to think about it now and see similarities between my Mom and myself. Mom collected dolls and has a few sitting in her living room, untouched, much like it was when Dad passed and the place became a dedication to him, now in the same manner since she is gone. We might have shared some dolls between us in our adult life, but I am certain that the meaning of them is completely different.
Once arrived, I gifted Mati and Rhaeadr with a special handmade cabinet, their own house, painted and adorned by me to pay tribute and thanks to their new home here in the United States. Of having called out to me and having chosen to help me. Further each was gifted a Bloodstone to aid with the healing properties. They sure have travelled a long way to be with me and we almost missed each other by a matter of a few hours. I believe that they, along with a bunch of other things have made a difference and again the RA is in remission. When I say remission it’s not that the pain is completely absent, that I don’t struggle through the day, but my life quality has returned by making the pain much more manageable. I thank Mati and Rhaeadr for being a part of my family and that process.
Today I came across the word Hiraeth and I had no idea about it’s meaning. It’s perfect for a new word post and again the phrase “No ordinary moments” comes to mind. I was meant to find them all along. Hiraeth is Welsh and stands for a spiritual longing for a home which maybe never was. Nostalgia for ancient places to which we cannot return. It is the echo of the lost places of our soul’s past and our fried for them. It is the wind, and the rocks, and the waves. It is nowhere and it is everywhere and I happen to relate to it a great deal.
Inner child healing is said to be an essential part of inner work. The dictionary describes inner work as the psychological and spiritual practice of diving deep into your inner self for the purposes of self-exploration, self-understanding, healing, and spiritual transformation. For me it was mainly connected with a desire to understand myself, as well as my various behaviors and reactions. My goal was to learn about triggers and wounds created early on in life, with the hope to bring healing and addressing a pain body that was rooted on an emotional level, and in turn resulting in a pain body that made itself visible in the form of RA flare up’s. Trapped emotional trauma that was stored and unresolved transformed into the physical form and in my case into chronic disease.
I have only come across inner child healing earlier this year and already, it has become an essential part of my journey. It has opened my eyes and unlocked secrets. It has brought me face to face with myself and transformed pain into healing and love. It is also described as the psychotherapeutic or spiritual process of changing yourself to become the person you know you can be. To go through this process of embarking on such deep and profound work, we have to recognize that certain things within us are out of balance. We have to admit that we are not perfect, but that we are flawed. We have to express a goal of no longer wanting to turn our heads the other way by ignoring our shadow self and our darker aspects. We have to recognize that nobody is perfect and it includes us….especially us. Doing inner work, means that we have to be honest with ourselves and this is not a time for foolish pride. In the process of it we need to recognize and observe that we act out of character in certain situations. We need to pinpoint what it is that we would like to change about ourselves. On its own, inner child healing reconnects us to the wounded elements of our inner child within. Inner child healing is the term given to therapeutic work on childhood wounds. It is an effort to correct and to balance, to remove and to heal while expressing a desire to achieve inner peace.
Just recently I was thinking about what an enormous responsibility it is to raise children. I was never been gifted with this responsibility, but I pay homage and pull my hat to all of you parents out there who do a fabulous job and show up each and every day. The sacrifices you bring to the table make it easy for me to see that as a parent you want the best for your child. Often this includes a better life than the one you might have experienced yourself. You pray for a life with less struggles, and smooth sailing as it is your best wish and hope your child lives a healthy, successful and glorious life. Let’s not forget a happy life which is often overlooked and not listed as an essential requirement, but it truly is. You put forth your best every day, all for the well being of your child. After all, you are his/her mentor, guardian and protector, and in many ways you keep him/her safe, providing a roof over their head, food on the table and clothes to wear which is not always a given in many 3rd world countries. And yet it is impossible to protect your beloved from the lessons of life. From the experiences their soul has agreed to have in this lifetime before they were even born. It renders you helpless and you can only watch and support to the best of your ability. My soul has agreed to many years of struggle and to lessons that I yet have to learn. I am still identifying my wounds and the things that are out of balance. I am still discovering things I would like to change about myself. I continue to be my worst critic, but I have also become my best friend and my biggest supporter. Most of all and despite of this ongoing learning process, I am at peace and that’s what’s most important to me. I know that changes will continue to come in their due time and that the lessons and experiences of life will never end. I am ok with it, with this current moment, my now, and don’t need to wish that things could be different. Everything happens in divine timing and I might as well enjoy the current scenery to the best of my ability. I am grateful that I have adapted to a personal concept of finding beauty within a weed, to see something positive amongst the devastation of a Wildfire, that I search for the lessons even amongst the most painful experiences and that I always find a way to keep going.
When it comes to my inner wounds, I know that they are elements that were hurt as a child. Elements that nobody on the sidelines could really protect me from. These elements would follow me all of my life until I was finally ready to stare them into the face and do the healing. It’s something that has to be realized first and too often we don’t even know that such a thing exists. How could we ever be aware that we are missing something, that something needs mending, that something is begging to be healed. It takes a great deal of life experiences and pain that eventually brings this awareness into our life. One such element is a stubborn one and I have tried to heal it several times already. It has to do with my yearning for meaningful relationships and friendships. It branches off into other inner children such as abandonment, unworthiness, invaluable, isolation, a feeling of being left behind, betrayed, taking for granted, and more if this yearning is triggered and not met. While I have healed many of these childhood wounds and inner children, I have yet to learn as to why such a connection is so meaningful to me and why I crave it so much. Perhaps I am still focusing on “too small” (individual connections) and my purpose is even greater than I realize it myself. Time will tell and in the meantime until this divine moment arrives, I am here doing the work and laying the foundation.
I have learned that I don’t need these connections for my own happiness, to feel loved, to feel complete or because I need to feel validated and accepted. I know that I already carry everything I need within me and it does bring great comfort. I know that happiness is not dependent on others, but others can surely enrich a state that is already present. I know that in life we might never be all that we hope in the eyes of every single person. It’s simply impossible and we don’t always connect on the same level. Yet there remains a yearning to share life, to feel connected to someone or something other than myself. I am pondering what that is and where this wound was created. I am sure it has to do with the early death of my father and the harsh feeling of being left behind. A feeling of abandonment and missed chances. A feeling of last moments without realization they would never return, and having to come to terms with a new way of life and without him. I am pondering the name of this wound and while I could call it a great many names, I am searching for the main umbrella that encompasses all the other wounds and reactions thereof. Perhaps that’s why it has been so difficult to address and heal this specific one. Therefore I relive some of the same experiences and emotions over and over. The same hopes surface and the same disappointments follow. Today, I am merely recognizing that I have a little more work to do and that this inner child is not completely healed yet. I understand that a lesson will repeat until it is learned and I’m committed to break the repeat cycle. I wonder what the lesson is and how it is healed. Personally I am tired of this teacher and I want to waive farewell as I integrate it with my soul and shower it with love. I haven’t quite figured out this season for a reason thing yet and why people come and go so frequently. Why potentially meaningful relationships are reduced to encounters, an acquaintance, or nothing at all. Why interests and needs change so quickly and not over time, why it is a use and be used kind of experience and why time is simply up. Am I truly the only one feeling this way!
“Never wish them pain. That’s not who you are. If they caused you pain, they must have pain inside. Wish them healing. That’s what they need. ~Najwa Zebian
We all have been there. We all have been hurt by others, whether from a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend or loved one, we all have experienced what it feels like to have our feelings crushed. In that moment it seldom matters whether it was intentional or a mere misunderstanding, or something that just didn’t come out right. I’ve never been much like the eye for an eye person, or the one that has to retaliate. Of course I have been hurt and of course I have been angry when I found myself caught in the middle of whatever injustice came my way. I think it’s human for us to feel this way, but I have been practicing the above quote for a few years now. Am I perfect at it? No, of course not and there is always room to fine tune and expand further in our practices. However, it has taught me an increased compassion for others. An understanding that when someone acts from a place of hurt, it is usually because hurt is what is holding them in a tight grip. Often it’s a defense mechanism, sometimes an empowerment to make themselves feel better or superior, to justify that they matter and are important. Being able to recognize and practice this is rarely understood by others who might think something is wrong with you, but does it truly matter who understands and who doesn’t? Could you wish somebody well and healing who has just hurt you? You might be surprised if you consider it, for it will set you free. Maybe some things don’t deserve to be forgiven, but you will always be deserving of your own peace of mind and freedom. It’s always different when we act from our heart space rather than our mind space.
My two healers from Wales have arrived. Just the process of getting them to me was complex and not easy. I almost missed them by an hour and they would have taken on the journey back to England, but now they are here. The two dolls were handcrafted by Sara at Hiaethgallery and are one of a kind. It is said that Gwragedd Annwn fairies can attract GOOD HEALTH and good health was exactly what I was so desperately seeking. Each doll is infused with magic and specific properties, unique to each doll. They are often accompanied with healing gemstones, besoms, and special charms. Each creation carries the energy of the one who created them, with a specific wish and purpose to be fulfilled in their new forever home.
As a welcome gift, I turned an old white multi opening cabinet into a custom home for them. I wished I would have taken a before and after picture, but I was on eager to get started. What you see in the picture above is the backside of it with their names and the healers hand painted on. The Healers hand has been an important part of me, ever since I became a Reiki Master and is a powerful symbol. Another gift I gave each one was a little Bloodstone to aid and support their healing for me. Strangely, within a day or two after they arrived I felt sicker than usual. Headaches, dizziness, weakness, just an overall feeling of exhaustion and not being well. I found it odd and strange. From time to time I looked at them as if I was waiting for an answer as to what was going on. Of course there wasn’t a physical answer, but just a few days later I started to get better again. And this time the better feeling was hanging around longer, with more breaks in between physical pain, and the scale was tipping. I seemed to struggle a little less, had more energy and completed tasks with more ease, albeit every time I say this, I revert back to an awful day. But not so far, not yet and that in itself is a milestone to build on. And then, a few days after finally getting better again, and staying well, I got my answer and it seemed as if they had purged something dark, something ill, a sickness, a weakness, a struggle within me. It feels strange to even say this and skeptics would shake their head at me, but that’s what I choose to believe and if it helps me, then I say “more power to me.” So, I say welcome to my two healers, while I look forward to a wonderful relationship together. You may even get another friend down the road, handmade from me to join you very soon. I have been largely inspired to test my abilities and most materials have been gathered to create my own. Let’s see what emerges and if I can pull it off.
I think there is a certain perception around healers. One that would indicate that they live a carefree life. That all boo boos are taken care of, and that they can freely and effortlessly tend to their own needs. For myself and a few others I found that this limited belief holds no truth or value. In fact I know of a couple others, shamanic healers as well as energy healers that struggle along despite their abilities to spread love and light, myself included.
Fact is that healers are no wonder beings. They are not perfect and they are actually far from it. They get drained easily, putting all of themselves into a healing for someone else. They feel action, emotions and even the unspoken word at a much deeper level than most. Healers are people who stared into the face of pain and suffering, found the courage to go on and managed to stare right back at it. Healers are not born this way and spend a great deal in darkness, isolated, trying to make sense of it all while finding there way. They are created out of their own adversity and trials. In the process of finding themselves, they hope to inspire others to do the same and in return they are rewarded with a great sense of contribution and making a difference in the world. This is one of the most important attributes of a healer. To matter, to help, to be heard and seen, to spread love and light, while instilling a sense serenity and hope. A sense of belonging. Healers are people who have learned to transform the pain into love and see the lessons and the silver lining.
Healers are people like you and me, struggling with every day life. We reinvent ourselves over and over, adjusting to stay flexible to the bends and twists of life. Healers light the way for others and usually carry a heavier burden until they arrive at that famous crossroads of giving up or serving as a beacon. All of us end up there, but not all of us hear the call to serve. It’s hard enough to make it on our own. Healers are no magicians and definitely don’t own a magic wand. There is nothing witch-crafty or abracadabra like going on, but a understanding that everything is energy and vibration.
I wish I could have known a healer or two throughout my life while I was growing up. To be able to tap into that guided wisdom while still figuring things out on my own. Sometimes it feels like an awful lot of time had to pass to figure it all out and I remind myself of the saying “Better later then never” while there is plenty left to learn. I can’t help but wonder at times of what would have been, who I would be, how lucky I would have been to have a father figure in my life and didn’t lose him at such a young age. I guess tonight I am walking down the path of memory lane, of what if’s, and what could have been. It’s a mere curiosity, one that doesn’t hold regrets or any hard feelings. It’s a realization that everything could have been completely different in the instance of a moment and it helps put my “now” into perspective.
I was born on the day of ups and downs and life certainly has echoed this theme. I say this and realize that most likely everybody on the planet could make a similar statement, the difference is that when we talk ourselves vs somebody else, it always becomes more personal. That doesn’t mean that it’s more important or takes the first row, but it leaves us as the experts to our own story.
There used to be a time when I viewed being born on the day of ups and downs as a curse, as the Story of my Life . Over time this has changed and like everything else it is what it is. I have come to accept it and I roll with the punches whenever I can. Successful or not, it is my motto. We seldom have another choice anyways, but I am extremely grateful that I was able to see these times as learning experiences without getting discouraged, disgruntled and turning into a negative victim mentality. Talking about the dark night of our soul, I feel that there have been a few of them throughout my life, but the past two years have brought some of my most important work as a person. It has taken me to the edge nearly losing myself, only to show me that I come back stronger each time. It had taught me that nothing fuels and develops me more than adversity itself, when challenges arise and when the predictable happens and is trying to hurt me. That pain has always made me rise stronger. It’s a process that is ongoing and it wasn’t until recently that I could understand and fully grasp the meaning of the words written by Aby Vohra in regards to what the dark night of the soul is and how it will transform your life.
It is referred to as a long, depressing, and very dark experience that can continue for days, months or even years. If you’re experiencing the dark night of the soul, you will feel a sense of being lost. Your heart will be in anxiety as if your world with its known habits and conditioning is coming to an end. This is because, after a spiritual awakening, your conditioned mind pattern is dying. While dying, your mind is making you feel miserable by re-identifying yourself with its old dysfunctional patterns. The soul is about to shine like a sun, and deep down, you have started to feel it’s presence. While a spiritual awakening is the process of rebirth of everything you are! The dark night of the soul is the process of dying of everything you are not!
I have felt this in layers, one after another peeling away, at my pace and when I am ready, having fully processed the prior learnings. It has been an up and down, physically and emotionally, at times empowering, stepping into my own and at other times devastating and lonely. Through it all people continue to come and go. I trust that the people I need or the ones who need me will or have crossed my path to be in my life. Only meaningful relationships are honored at this time and there is no time for chasing false ideals. This morning I drew an oracle card soliciting the universe to share which spirit animal will lend us their energy for September. I was surprised at who showed up and we have seen this animal earlier in the year. Perhaps more work is waiting to be done as we will revisit this energy in an upcoming post on September 1st.
Time has also been a great teacher this year, pain has been a great teacher and so has been the isolation and the experiences I have encountered, along with the choices and decisions executed this year. It can be maddening at times, but it is a test of times. A test of how I process these experiences under extreme circumstances, a test of who remains in the end, what I shed and no longer give importance to, and how I form new beliefs. It’s a time picked by me and chosen carefully. Everything falls to the wayside that does not support this journey.
If I had to sum it up in a few sentences I would say that the dark night of the soul has brought me face to face with myself. It allowed me to process and discover the layers to myself that I have experienced so far. It has brought me face to face with my past and my upbringing to learn and understand who I am. My times of struggle have shown me that times can be very lonely since everyone needs you to be that upbeat person, the one to look up to, the one you have something to gain from. It also has shown me that our Motto’s a time have to be selfish and nobody is in a position to take on additional issues, especially if it’s not theirs to carry.
The closet door has been unlocked and the skeletons have been freed. Through the process I have come to love myself and don’t act from a place of not tolerating certain things anymore, but from a place of a higher self worth. Time is limited and we better not waste a moment of it. The dark night of the soul sounds intimidating and scary, but it can also be one of the most freeing and worthwhile times in our life. I am grateful for this time and no matter how painful some of these experiences have been, I wouldn’t change a thing and do it all over again vs. sitting there comfortably, numb, lost, alive but not living. Maybe this post brings a sense of familiarity to you, as you recognize your own journey. Know that it cant be rushed, let’s just hope it doesn’t last for years. And if it does, then I say it is due to being beyond profound and special, and may you never seize to see the lessons and your growth in the process of it.
Are you a side sleeper or do you sleep on your back? Apparently and according to eightsleep.com it doesn’t only make a difference in which position we sleep, but also on which side. It is said that sleeping on the left side is extremely beneficial. It alleviates acid reflux and heartburn, boosts digestion, stimulates the drainage of toxins from your lymph nodes, improves circulation, and helps your brain filter out waste. Due to anatomy and the location of your body’s organs, these amazing benefits only come from sleeping on the left side.
In this weeks health check we are taking a look at Serotonin and according to Dr. Frank Lippman, 70% of our serotonin is made in our gut. What’s going on in our gut is going to affect our mood, anxiety, depression, and focus.
Serotonin is the key hormone that stabilizes out mood, feelings of well-being, and happiness. This hormone impacts the entire body and enables brain cells and other nervous system cells to communicate with each other. Serotonin also helps with sleeping, eating, and digestion. Here are some ways of to naturally boost our serotonin levels.
Spend time in nature. Get serotonin from the sun, even on cloudy days. Add vitamin D supplements to your regimen. Get a massage. Exercise to boost serotonin levels. Meditate. Listen to music. Try acupuncture. Focus on the positive. Practice gratitude. Set goals and achieve them. Try the “three blessings exercise.” Here you write down three things you are thankful for every night for one week. Talk to a therapist. Experience new things. Try turmeric. Eat tryptophan rich foods. At more carbohydrates. Add more vitamin B6 and B12 to your diet. Try serotonin vitamins. Limit your caffeine, alcohol and sugar intake. Focus on a good nights sleep.
Starting the week on the right track, I want to revisit some of my soul searching activities and aha moments of how to improve my health. I was in a world of pain and in search of another invention.
I knew that I had it in me to be on the rebound once more, despite of not drinking enough water, of letting kundalini Yoga fall to the wayside due to space, not practicing Reiki frequently and a non meditation schedule over the past two months. I was convinced that the body is a great healer, very powerful, with the ability to heal itself and ourselves. I still believe that our minds are very potent and that our thoughts impact us, good and bad. Now was the perfect time to prove this theory once more and I needed to get off of these steroids and NSAID’s.
I had long heard about Mudrās. Sometimes a full body pose, sometimes done with hands and fingers. I don’t know why I never learned more about it, but the time had come and these magical poses fell into my lap again as if saying “let’s take another look, this might help you.”
In my research it was confirmed that the body is more powerful than we think. Every inch of our hands have energetic connections with different organs and parts of the body. It is said that when specific hand gestures are maintained, electromagnetic signals are sent to the corresponding body part, which ignites a powerful healing process and various benefits. These hand gestures and poses are known as Mudrās and are worth to be explored. Giving it a try and combining it with Reiki or mediation seems like a perfect combination for me to try. Fingers crossed.
The full Buck/Stag moon will appear in the night sky on July 23rd and be visible for three days. It’s been awhile since I wrote about the powerful moon energy and as things settle in for me and this moon is all about healing, I’m of course all over it. We all need healing on some sort of level and mine is multi dimensional. So let’s take a closer look to see what we can expect.
Hindus, Buddhists and Jains call it the Guru Moon because it’s marked as a time to clear off the mind and learn from the Guru or spiritual mentor. It’s a time for individual exploration and connecting deeper with your inner self. It is perfect for reflection and reconnection with our bodies and minds which can help us gain a clear perspective on an important matter.
Those born in late Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn might feel the moon deeper that other zodiac signs. Ahhhh…no wonder, and as a fellow Cancer I suppose this means “count me in.”
The full moon brings the opportunity to spend time outdoors and truly connect with nature in this blissful season. Find somewhere quiet, feel free to go barefoot to ground and connect to the earth.
The full moon is personal to each individual and sometimes it will be there to highlight our wins and manifestations will come to fruition. At other times it is there to shine that spotlight on what needs to be she’s in order to make room for the new. And let’s not forget to utilize this energy to release what no longer serves us.
To reap the fruits of the full moon, you can spend time meditating, journaling, or doing any other form of self care. Personally I hope to add drumming for the first time in months. Happy full moon everyone, let the magic begin.
Rhapsody Bohème 