My journey to ancestral healing started here.
If you are interested how I arrived at this point, the links above, in order, will give you great insight about the process. In the last post I talked about the message I received from Dad, about being the chosen one and that it was always up to me to clear and heal our family’s ancestral trauma.
The message felt powerful and fitting, although initially it took me by surprise. After days of coming to terms with it and letting it settle with myself, I knew it was my duty, and “the call” that I heard days ago, truly integrated within myself. I knew I had to do it, and I knew it would not only heal my family line, but also myself. I wanted to do it. Now, days after the message and getting comfortable with the idea, I arrived at the “Now what” scenario. What would be my process and how would I approach doing this healing?
After sleeping on it and letting it sit, I trusted that the next step would reveal itself in due time and come forward without force. And indeed it did and what surfaced was a memory back to 2018 while Mom was in the nursing home already. Another incident form that time stands out as Mom became very sick and her lungs filled with water. She was on a respirator and could hardly breathe. One day when I was sitting next to her, she had extra difficulties catching her breath. Her earlobe was already turning blue and I rang for help. A male nurse came into the room, immediately noticing what was going on. He took Mom’s hand and proceeded with a soft tone to ask her some questions. “Oh, hello, I heard you are from the neighboring village. Did you live there all of your life?” It was things like that he was asking her and in the process of it he distracted Mom from the fear of not being able to breathe. It calmed her down and made her relax. Soon her skin tone returned to normal and the threat had subsided. He smiled and barely noticeably nodded at me, for I knew exactly what had just transpired. With a grateful smile I nodded back at him, forming my lips in a silent “thank you.”
It was obvious that Mom was still a little shaken once we were alone again. Without a doubt was it a scary few minutes for her and I could tell that nearly in tears she was still wrestling with what had just happened. It was in those short vulnerable moments that I took her hand and our eyes met in silence. I had the feeling that she wanted to say something and I gave her some time and space. Nothing and she remained silent, still baring that same look, fighting with herself to speak. And still she couldn’t and I felt a sadness creeping up realizing that she couldn’t jump over her shadow. This was not her strength and talking about feelings, appearing vulnerable and weak was not something she was comfortable with.
Sitting there in silence I finally asked her softly it there was something she wanted to say to me. Her eyes said yes, but not one word passed her lips. After giving her some time, I smiled at her and said the following…”It’s ok, because whether you tell me or you don’t, whether you verbalize it or remain in silence, it doesn’t really matter because I know what you want to say either way.” This time she nodded at me, grateful, relieved and thankful. I could tell that what I said restored some peace within her and put her at ease with herself and what was going on.
During my “Now what” moment this incident that transpired between Mom and me showed up and immediately I knew that a shamanic journey to meet Mom was in order. Living in the energetic now she knows that I have long forgiven her for the emotional neglect I felt as a child and even in my adulthood. I feel strongly about making this journey and going beyond her knowing of what’s in my heart. It needs to be spoken, which will heal my wound and trauma as well as hers.
To be continued…