I slipped into the New Year quietly. No big parties and celebrations took place this year and all I wanted was quiet and emotional peace. I’m still on my six day stretch and I’m working towards a day off to relax. Ha, I haven’t had a day off since last year.
Mom had surgery New Year’s Eve and of course it was on my mind. I was nervous. It overshadowed the day and it was another reason as to why I didn’t feel like living it up. I was waiting for news and I was tired and tensed, all while trying my best to remain calm and optimistic. A flare up would be the last thing I needed and luckily I’m still managing to get by without the harsh meds for the RA. I went to bed before midnight and laid still for awhile while pondering the fleeting 2017.
I had seen some neat places, hiked to unimaginable beauty and found myself wanting more. It had become harder to hike since most of the year was filled with a giant flare up that never went away until of late September. Still, I wasn’t ungrateful, but I connected with the feeling that those hours in nature were truly the times I felt alive. I did what I loved and I simply wanted to feel like this as often as possible, daily if I could. I knew that a full time retail job didn’t fit into the picture and something would have to give in the pursuit of happiness.
I was thinking of Home and being able to go to Germany to reconnect with family and see Mom. Once again I wanted to feel more and missed being a close link of a wonderful family. It’s hard to be an active part from far away and sometimes I feel as if I’m missing so much. I’m away from the things that mean the world and a lifestyle that nurtures my sense of being.
I was thinking about my spiritual journey, the enlightenment and how much this plain caterpillar was growing into a beautiful butterfly. How painful the journey had been, but how rewarding and without comparison. I learned so much this past year, I felt like a sponge, eager so soak up as much as I possibly could.
I was thinking about my health and the journey ahead. The uncertainty of what’s to come, and a intuition so strong that it guides me to what needs to be done to take care of myself. I have been here before and my old soul recognizes the struggle. But not just that, and I believe it knows the solution for a life enriched with more beauty and less pain. I have not completely laid the foundation and such transformation requires a complete lifestyle change. What needs to happen couldn’t get anymore drastic and complex. Sometimes good things require radical changes. No pain, no gain and who ever said that it would be easy, right?
I was thinking about my passions, my love for creativity, healing myself and being a spiritual inspiration/healer for others. I thought about discovering my oracle and tarot cards during the year and how fond I had grown of them. To this day they have not failed me and the messages have been spot on, for myself and for others. I thought about the many spirit animals I was lucky enough to encounter. To see the messages they carried for me and gain further insight. I thought about my ever growing hobbies and some new discoveries such as origami, my ukulele, Luna’s Landing, writing a book and this blog that I never seem to find enough time for. I thought about you and the many wonderful connections I have been blessed with. What a year…
The thoughts kept coming and the memories and insights of 2017 flashed before my eyes. I wouldn’t change a thing and everything is always how it needs to be. I’m always where I need to be and when I’m ready, another lesson will reveal itself to take me to the next level. I feel asleep before the clock struck midnight but woke up from a few loud fireworks in the neighborhood. Bright lights were exploding in front of my window as I welcomed 2018 with a smile and the comfort of my bed.
Although no New Years Resolution was made that night and I live my truths every day, I promised myself to continue on this path that I had started. To live a little more each day, to find more time for the things I love and to be radical in my wild choices this year. A blank canvas lies before us as we write the book of our life. 2018 is filled with 365 new chances, 365 new opportunities to get it right and to be relentless in the pursuit of what set’s your soul on fire. Be brave, brave enough to live 🦋💙