Posted in Goals, Inspiration, Life

Downsizing and decluttering

This is the story of an ongoing journey, one that I started awhile back already. I’m talking about the journey of lightening the load, of downsizing and decluttering everything and anything, including the closet.

I have to admit that it is getting more and more intense as the “is this bringing me joy” method is slowly losing it’s effectiveness, especially when it comes to the wardrobe. There must be 5 different sizes in that closet and while it might not bring me joy right now, it is anticipated that “that” size will come into my near and dear reach shortly again, perhaps bringing much joy when it does. But for the moment it just takes up space and is of no use to me. If I don’t want to move the un useful load, I need to find another enticing reason, making it easier to get rid of it now.

Another culprit is the “how can I get rid of it, if it’s still in perfect condition” syndrome. The struggle is real here and new drastic measures are called for. One of my new approaches amongst others is “would I buy this again, do I really want to wear this again, despite it’s condition etc.” Let’s just say that it is slow going to fill up that huge lawn bag to donate. Perhaps I should move to another room, the she shed / crafting room. Not sure if I find more success there, but it needs to be done.

It’s inevitable that I have to move out of this house soon and put in on the market. I don’t want to be a slave to the current mortgage anymore which is only one of the reasons. For the time being, I prepare myself for such a move and dream of going tiny. Tiny today has many possibilities and faces. We shall see what’s waiting around the bend.

Posted in Goals, Inspiration, Life

Preventing derailment

It started with an honest look back at the end of 2020 to take stock of the year just passed. I wrote the post to take inventory and to assess myself, reminding myself about what worked for me, to take a look at the shortcomings, where I was at the moment, what needed to be done, and where I see myself down the road. It was an awful lot of information as I took myself through the trials and tribulations of the past year, as well as the successes.

Looking at the blog I felt that I took on a bigger role as a cheerleader, spreading inspiration wherever I could. So much though that I got away from telling this warriors story. I felt that it was something that was needed as the world and many of us struggled. It was a year that required motivation and healing on many levels, for many of us,physically and mentally and you could say, I kind of slipped into my own role trying to bring this to the table as I went with the flow of what felt natural.

At the beginning of 2021, I made a promise to myself, listing all my thoughts and goals, mainly showing support and understanding for myself, being my biggest fan and supporter. I was asking all versions of myself to join forces for one common goal. Does this goal have a name, a clear picture, a schedule and plan of how it is to unfold? No it doesn’t, other than 2021 needs to be the year for big changes. There are still lose ends and not all questions have answers, but I am being encouraged to just take that leap of faith. That I don’t need all the answer and that I should trust the universe as things will fall into place. While I know and believe in such a theory, it’s always a little different to action it, isn’t it?

Eight days into the new year, I am recognizing old familiar patterns. The initial “gung ho”, new year – new me, the drive, the motivation is slowly fizzing out as routine and the old familiar wants to claim a hold of me once more. And yet something is different and the old “let’s just plug away, do what you can, here and there, depending on health and how I feel”, is taken on a different sense of urgency, as if time is running out, as if I don’t have or don’t want to wait another year to transpire how the past 16 years have past for the most part. There is a new drive that is preventing derailment and that is pushing me to go beyond my best and do more. Is such even possible? Maybe I can and haven’t given myself enough credit, maybe it needs to be more structured, planned, broken down into actual and achievable steps. Maybe I need to set goal, daily, weekly, monthly goals. Maybe…who knows what…maybe.

I am learning as to why New Years resolutions have such a high failing percentage. We spend a few hours assessing ourselves, come up with something clever that sits well with our soul, that soothes our being and makes us feel like we are on track, making progress. We finally got it figured out and this is going to be our year for sure. We are hopeful and motivated. But then, feeling good and all about ourselves, we drop it and forget it. Maybe we push a little, as we enjoy that feeling of euphoria, but it always fades, soon or later. Life swoops us up, gets busy, throws curveball’s our way and we postpone our dreams. Next week we try again, won’t we, until we cave in and our goals become a distant memory. We don’t like to think about it much, because it only makes us sad, and perhaps there comes a point after several failed attempts that we avoid it all together. It’s like we learn to predict the outcome, knowing exactly what is going to happen. Subconsciously it’s our effort to protect ourselves from disappointment and hurt. But subconsciously it’s also the end of our dreams and the possibility of achieving them.

Eight days into the new year, I am ready to make a new promise to myself. For one to review the promise I made at the beginning of the year as often as I need to. To remind myself what’s in my heart and to let it stand as self motivation. I might even print it out to place somewhere visible where I can see it every day. A visible reminder.

Second, I know that it takes more than an initial plan. I am realizing that it takes hard work, an honest look and a promise to myself each and every month. Recapping the year at the end is simply not enough and I believe that if we want to stay on track, we should recap each month to keep us flexible and on track. At least that is what I decided to do. This monthly recap will include a recap of my daily photographs seeing and magic and beauty in every day.

Posted in Goals, Inspiration, Life

A promise to myself

A couple of days in, we might still ponder New Years resolutions and goals. Instead of burdening myself with extra “must do’s, trackers and achievement deadlines, I decided to shed more expectations in 2021. To dump the New Years resolutions and burdens one often places on themselves during a time like this. Instead of clouding my journey, I am starting my year with a promise to myself.

One of the things I decided to return to, is something I used to do quite a lot, yearly actually. Throughout the year I’d collect special pictures and photographs taken by me. In a way it was my vision, the world through my eyes. These would become the favorite ones, the special moments, the ones that stand out and which you recognize at first glance. They were inclusive to places I’ve been, moving and emotional moments, animals, friends, family, art, crafts, flowers, architecture, anything that touched my heart and made me feel alive.

I decided to go back and make these photo moments a yearly tradition. What stands out after missing many years is how special these collections always were, how they could lift and pick me up during a low. As if by magic they put a smile back onto my face and allowed me to take a break from the hectic and the troubles.

At the end of the year, these daily moments became the pages of a photo book or a video. I even included songs from that particular year that moved me. Songs that equally had meaning and told the story of my journey, complimenting the pictorial moments, while allowing me to look back and hold dear the most favorite and memorable of times. To remind myself of the beauty and magic in each profound moment, as they stitched together a beautiful quilt of memories to warm the heart.

Still to this day it’s soothing to my heart to pull out a prior video or book and relive the moments of that year. It’s always a treat, even years later. With moments fleeting and time racing faster each year, I decided that these pictures should focus on the beauty and magic of every day life. That I wanted to seek them out and make a conscious effort to notice. In other words I am encouraging myself to slow down and smell the roses.

A busy life often takes us away from truly celebrating the small moments that all too often become the big ones down the road in life. In a moment of stillness, we can find magic and wonder all around us. This is not about adding another thing to our schedule, as it doesn’t require a huge time commitment. What is encouraged is a little willingness and prioritization to gift yourself those special moments. The payoff is big and who couldn’t use a little extra magic in their every day routine!

It encourages you to stop, to see something beautiful, to acknowledge it and to let it fill your heart with gratitude, beauty and magic. In my book, beauty and magic can be found in the smallest of packages. Actively pursuing it, brings light, love, hope, imagination, creativity and positivity into our lives. It allows us to pause long enough to witness the beauty that surrounds at all times.

I re- started this project on January 1st and pondered what this first picture, this special moment, the magic and beauty movement should represent. Keep in mind that this is highly personal and will vary from person to person. For me, the most fitting was a current selfie to take an honest look at myself. To realize that everything starts with me and that my own personal outlook determines if and when I see the beauty. I am checking in with myself on this first day to set the foundation. A mirror image so to say to motivate, myself, my inner child, my higher self and my shadow self in preparation of all that lies ahead. Known and unknown.

Today I ask all versions of myself, my soul, my spirit guides, and guardian angels to come together and work as one. I take an active part, promising myself to always have my back, to make the best out of the challenges ahead, to always see the silver lining, to be supportive and a cheerleader to myself when I need one. I promise to live and learn, to believe in myself, and feel empowerment with endless possibilities and opportunities. I promise to share the light and spread inspiration wherever I can, to help those who struggle, including myself. Today I turn a new leaf, not being afraid to ask for help when I need it myself. I recognize that I don’t always have to do it all on my own. I recognize that i am surrounded by love, by people who hold the space for me when I need to lay my weapons down. Today, I remember that ultra independence is a trauma response.

I will continue to wear my heart on my sleeve, without worry and fear that it might get wounded. It is out my control if it does. I surrender and trust. I believe and anticipate the successes that are just around the corner, for they are my rewards for all the hard work. Today I reassure and remind myself that I am worthy, that everything is as it needs to be, and that everything I am deserving of, will find it’s way to me and won’t be denied. I acknowledge the strengths that it takes to walk in my shoes, to step out alone and to take that first leap. I honor the process and I am proud to have found the courage to stand on my own.

As I take this honest look, I vow patience and forgiveness for any shortcomings and mistakes. In myself and others. I promise to be gentler with myself, knowing that no matter how things turn out, it’s impossible to be liked by everyone, not all will always agree with me. I am at peace as long as I know that I have given my best and came from a place of unconditional love.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Here is to me, the dreamer, the artist, the writer and misfit, the one going against the grain to support a free spirit and the growth of the authentic self. Here is to the like minded, the misunderstood, the judged, the used and abused, the ones that have to create their own magic, reinvent themselves time and time again. The ones that continue to fight the good fight, the ones that never stay down for too long and who are finding their own sunshine, heartbeat and love. Today, I look into the mirror, into that self imagine and into all of you who struggle to hold on. Today I tell myself and you …

“You got this, and only you decide how the story ends and where it goes from here. You are in charge and the co-creator of your life and destiny. Only you can make it happen and you are more powerful then you think. Don’t wait any longer. The time is now. You are enough.”

Here is to beauty and magic, and a year of special moments and wonder.

Posted in Chronic illness, Goals, Health

The green mean juice

Picture taken from google

With the discovery of the natural remedies book and the Master Herbal course, a third sign knocked on my door to solidify my efforts and give them the willpower and strengths to withstand what was lying ahead.

I came across a video on YouTube, actually a documentary how Joe Cross changed his stars and turned around his health with the help of a juice reboot. He calls it the “green mean juice” although you think a name like “magic wonder potion” or something like it would be more fitting. Perhaps mean indeed in the sense of knocking out disease and being serious about better health. The documentary is called “Sick, fat, and nearly dead” and it resonated with me in a big way. There is a chronic illness that needed further tending to control, maybe I should rephrase that since I feel it is under control but needs to be send into remission further. There is physics weight I’d like to shed along with the material weight I am working on log lightening my load. And with all these things falling into path to keep going, misery, pain and death could wait a little longer.

Joe did nothing but juice for 60 days, plus incorporating some exercise and other lifestyle changes. I don’t remember how much weight he lost in the end, (but it was a lot) saving others who struggled along his journey, but his story and health improvements were remarkable. He reversed many conditions, got off of harsh pharmaceutical medicines, and again I felt that this was the next puzzle piece for myself. However, not going to the doctor for the ok to go ahead, I would start with only one juice per day instead of going all in.

I long sensed my rheumatoid arthritis being linked to my food intake. The wrong foods for that matter, foods my system can’t process and digest, resulting in adverse health conditions. Consequently I believed to suffer with poor gut health and toxins leaking into the blood stream from the foods consumed. I have never been diagnosed with it, I just know somehow. I had nothing to lose but everything to gain. Wednesday was my first day to take an active step. This post was written after completing 2 full days and here is what these days looked like…

Morning: 1 glass of veggie/fruit juice 80/20

For lunch I made soup out of the pulp. Yeah I know it doesn’t sound appealing, but it was actually pretty good and as you go through your regular food withdrawal, it is a welcome change.

Dinner: Mixed green salad with one egg and sardines in olive oil which became my salad dressing.

One the second night I indulged in homemade popcorn in olive oil.

The results and findings so far with only two days in.

Weight lost 5 lbs

An overall feeling of lightness beyond 5 lbs and I don’t feel so weighed down and heavy.

There are more times my joints (hands) move with more ease and seem fluid. The strain that often persists to make them work seems to have lessened and I feel good overall.

The food tastes better and by the evening the salad comes around, you truly have learned the meaning of mindful eating, which helps proper digestion and absorption of your food and nutrients. I heard the food cravings/hunger pains subside after a few days as your system adjusts and detoxes.

One of the big ones I thought to give up was my coffee in the morning, but even that has been easier than I thought it would be. I always enjoyed my coffee, but as of lately I seldom finished my one cup in the morning, and my relationship to it has changed. It almost feels like a higher power was trying to prepare me for the juice reboot. It reminds me of how it was as I quit smoking. Mind over matter and the urge to give in only lasts a few moments. Put it out of your mind and stop entertaining the torture. You know that you can do it.

Over the past two days I actually felt some hunger pains and every time I do, I just drink more water. Overall it has been a great experience and I look forward to how this continues.

Posted in Goals, Holistic Healing, Life

Becoming….

A few days after the natural remedies book fell into my lap, another sign appeared confirming that I was on the right path. It felt a little like a urge to keep going, to continue the thought process I had entertained, although I hadn’t bought the book yet.

As mentioned before I dabbled into homeopathy a little bit here and there, always looking for ways to cut out toxins and inflammation, while leading a healthier lifestyle. With much under control already, there was also much left to go. To seal the deal and into my lap it fell, was an affordable online course to become a certified master herbalist. 😳 There was no denying it was a message, just like it had been in April of last year as the Reiki course miraculously fell into my lap in the same manner. Right away I recalled all the successes since becoming a Reiki master, and the rest is really history. I bought the course and with only one chapter in and 9 to go, I am not perfectly a 100% but I am at a passing score and plan to keep it that way. Wish me luck… 😉

Posted in Goals, Inspiration, Life

Metanoia

It’s word porn Monday and here is a new one for us.

Metanoia (meh-ya-not-ah) Greek

(n.) the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life; spiritual conversion.

2020, so many of us where ready. Ready to leave 2019 behind and move on to bigger and better years ahead. We all felt different, felt a change, a shift that was happening, although we couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was going on. We waited in anticipation, ready to leave the old behind. With January coming to an end, and New Years resolutions easing off from their initial intensity, who is still feeling Metanoia?

Posted in Goals, Inspiration, Life, Spirit animals

Feathery friend

Have you ever taken a moment to pause the hectic, to slow things down, and pay close attention to what is going on around you? It’s hard to do sometimes, and we can easily get sucked into today’s busy lifestyle if we are not careful. But seriously, where you able to take a moment to notice the unusual, the not so common, have you perhaps taken the chance to witness the signs and messages that are meant for you? If so, then you know that the universe is trying to communicate with you, and nothing, absolutely nothing ever happens by accident or coincidence.

Life has been full of signs and reassurance for me lately, and it seems as if I am making up for the quiet times when the spirits were silent in Germany. From my recent oracle card reading which seemed to have been the start of everything, to feathers of purity falling from the sky, to my gemstone purchase, to my fortune cookie and now this unusual visitor. I’ve never seen a bird like this here, and for the longest time he was just sitting on my fence, turning occasionally to look at me. What kind of message could he have for me?

It is said that like the wolf, the bird spirit animal is associated with higher knowledge. It symbolizes freedom and strength, as well as harmony with fellow creatures. The bird meaning can apply to different areas of your life. Most of the time, the meaning of the bird signifies your ability to remain in control of your emotions, and your ability to beat hardships as time goes by.

It represents endings and beginnings, and the importance of not rushing or flapping furiously just to get to your destination. It signifies lightness of being, and having a close relationship with God. It represents your extravagant and intricate thoughts as well as your understanding of the worlds energies. The meaning of the bird represents the use of your voice to heal, to bring new hope, and to find every day joyful treasures.

The bird meaning signifies illumination and empowerment. It ushers in fortune and luck, and it represents purity, elegance, opportunity, and victory. The bird spirit animal also signifies your indomitable spirit and your ability to rise above adversities. When the bird spirit animal comes flying into your life, you can expect your luck to change for the better. It brings with it a message of power and strength, encouraging you to get out of your comfort zone and reach for the stars. The bird meaning is telling you to stop thinking less of yourself because you are so much more than that. It helps you gain clarity, come up with a plan to make your dreams a reality, and have to confidence to see it through. With the bird spirit animal, tomorrow is always a new day. You will always be moving forward and bringing new changes in your life.

You will discover more new beginnings than endings. With the bird totem, you will learn how to spring forward and break free from the chains. The meaning of the bird reassures you that if you leave all the weight of your past behind, you will experience a different kind of lightness and freedom in love.

There is much to ponder here and I’m reminded to reach for the stars and to believe in miracles. The time is here to pursue my dreams and to let worries fall to the wayside. I need to make a plan and give myself some deadlines to strive towards to visualize the desired end result better.

Posted in Goals, Inspiration

Hayes Street

Flying back from Germany, my final flight landed in San Fransisco, CA. I got to spent my first day back visiting the ocean, and this famous site, which is this row of houses on Hayes Street. It was a perfect day, mild and sunny, quite different from the last couple of gloomy days I got to spent before leaving Germany.

It’s hard to believe this was a week ago already, and I’ve been fighting my way back. My body is still not cooperating a 100% and I have never experienced anything like this. It’s rather scary to lose control over your body, and it takes everything to a whole new level. I finally unpacked and struggled my way through some cleaning chores. I miss Mom, but I have been so consumed with my own struggles, there really hasn’t been much time for anything else. Not by choice, but because of reality. It’s really strange, but I think I am getting better.

The current struggle is to walk sure footed, the inflammation seems to have moved into my feet besides the shoulder. I don’t trust myself on uneven pavement, although I want to go out tomorrow and visit the vortex. Nothing has been easy this past week, but my silver lining is out there.

With this second day of a brand new year, I recognize this year as a transition year. Some things will be hard and tough, but it’s a part of the journey. My dreams are long realized, it is just a matter of timing. While this year will be about prep, lightening the load, and other choices, 2020 has a nice ring to it for a year or executing the prep.

Posted in Goals, Life

No better time as “Now”

There is no rest, and you might think sitting next to Mom’s bedside for the past ten months was all the rest I could ask for, but that wasn’t so. It was a different exhaustion all together, a mental one, that left me tired, out of shape, and battling many health issues, some due to inactivity.

Now I have to claw myself back, fighting through the pain and I am on my way. The entire house is a mess with layers of dust from being gone for ten month. You can’t simply dust, and everything needs to be washed down. Every counter, every trinket standing around. Another reason to get rid of 99% of all the stuff. It’s overwhelming and while this picture of my bathroom might not look all “that” bad, it was still taken after nearly five hours of cleaning. Notice, I’m not done yet, and I guess I’m doing my spring cleaning a little delayed.

  • Eventually I will have to look for work, but I’m in no hurry, and luckily don’t have to go right away. I need to get the house in order, while minimizing the possessions and throwing out what is not up for donation. With the mortgage hikes, I decided to get out of this house, and feel that I can’t do so working full time. It’s bad enough doing this with a chronic condition, but I have to remember that with each bag donated and gone, the weight of the burden is getting lighter and lighter. The time is now and a life in a converted bus as my home is still much alive, for when the time is right. I’m just preparing to make the transition easier when it does happen.
  • PS. I’ve spent the entire day in this bathroom. 😳😳😳 I’m almost done.

    Posted in Goals, Life

    365 new chances

    I slipped into the New Year quietly. No big parties and celebrations took place this year and all I wanted was quiet and emotional peace. I’m still on my six day stretch and I’m working towards a day off to relax. Ha, I haven’t had a day off since last year.

    Mom had surgery New Year’s Eve and of course it was on my mind. I was nervous. It overshadowed the day and it was another reason as to why I didn’t feel like living it up. I was waiting for news and I was tired and tensed, all while trying my best to remain calm and optimistic. A flare up would be the last thing I needed and luckily I’m still managing to get by without the harsh meds for the RA. I went to bed before midnight and laid still for awhile while pondering the fleeting 2017.

    I had seen some neat places, hiked to unimaginable beauty and found myself wanting more. It had become harder to hike since most of the year was filled with a giant flare up that never went away until of late September. Still, I wasn’t ungrateful, but I connected with the feeling that those hours in nature were truly the times I felt alive. I did what I loved and I simply wanted to feel like this as often as possible, daily if I could. I knew that a full time retail job didn’t fit into the picture and something would have to give in the pursuit of happiness.

    I was thinking of Home and being able to go to Germany to reconnect with family and see Mom. Once again I wanted to feel more and missed being a close link of a wonderful family. It’s hard to be an active part from far away and sometimes I feel as if I’m missing so much. I’m away from the things that mean the world and a lifestyle that nurtures my sense of being.

    I was thinking about my spiritual journey, the enlightenment and how much this plain caterpillar was growing into a beautiful butterfly. How painful the journey had been, but how rewarding and without comparison. I learned so much this past year, I felt like a sponge, eager so soak up as much as I possibly could.

    I was thinking about my health and the journey ahead. The uncertainty of what’s to come, and a intuition so strong that it guides me to what needs to be done to take care of myself. I have been here before and my old soul recognizes the struggle. But not just that, and I believe it knows the solution for a life enriched with more beauty and less pain. I have not completely laid the foundation and such transformation requires a complete lifestyle change. What needs to happen couldn’t get anymore drastic and complex. Sometimes good things require radical changes. No pain, no gain and who ever said that it would be easy, right?

    I was thinking about my passions, my love for creativity, healing myself and being a spiritual inspiration/healer for others. I thought about discovering my oracle and tarot cards during the year and how fond I had grown of them. To this day they have not failed me and the messages have been spot on, for myself and for others. I thought about the many spirit animals I was lucky enough to encounter. To see the messages they carried for me and gain further insight. I thought about my ever growing hobbies and some new discoveries such as origami, my ukulele, Luna’s Landing, writing a book and this blog that I never seem to find enough time for. I thought about you and the many wonderful connections I have been blessed with. What a year…

    The thoughts kept coming and the memories and insights of 2017 flashed before my eyes. I wouldn’t change a thing and everything is always how it needs to be. I’m always where I need to be and when I’m ready, another lesson will reveal itself to take me to the next level. I feel asleep before the clock struck midnight but woke up from a few loud fireworks in the neighborhood. Bright lights were exploding in front of my window as I welcomed 2018 with a smile and the comfort of my bed.

    Although no New Years Resolution was made that night and I live my truths every day, I promised myself to continue on this path that I had started. To live a little more each day, to find more time for the things I love and to be radical in my wild choices this year. A blank canvas lies before us as we write the book of our life. 2018 is filled with 365 new chances, 365 new opportunities to get it right and to be relentless in the pursuit of what set’s your soul on fire. Be brave, brave enough to live 🦋💙