Posted in Adventure, Animals, Death, Emotions, Experience, Feelings, Hiking, Human spirit, Inspiration, Life, Life lessons, Loss, Mother nature, Motivation,, My story, Pets, Photography, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Wisdom

The heart of a lion

Nikki came into my life as she was nearly two years old and I feel extremely blessed that I could rescue her from her abusive owners. I didn’t know at the time that she would equally play a huge part in my life, ultimately rescuing me as much as I rescued her. I was unaware that she was coming from a violent home and all I knew about was the apartment situation that would lead to the separation from her prior owners. Soon enough, the same day, her dramatic past began to unravel and I got a glimpse into some of the struggles this poor little baby had endure. From being chained and staked in the backyard, to a prior broken leg from abuse, her fear of water from almost drowning at the hands of her owners, her food aggression and her fear for humans. I won’t go into too many details to relive this horror, which I mostly found out through her behavior or through the jokes of her previous owners. Needless to say it was also the last time that they ever got to see Nikki. I always felt very lucky to have been the one able to turn her little precious life around and give her a reason to live. Besides having the heart of a lion which I will describe later, she also looked like a lion as I first saw her. A good brushing, which was yielding numerous brushes filled of hair later, (it would have made the softest pillow stuffing ever and I wish I would have kept it), she emerged as a different dog and looked nothing like the Chow Chow mix she was suppose to be. She looked like a Shiba Inu mix, a starved one that was reduced to nothing more than skin and bones after shedding the matted fur mess. She was visibly malnourished.

Her eating could hardly be described as eating. She was scarfing her food down in such a hurry, forgetting to chew, obviously being afraid that somebody would take it away. In return it caused her to choke and gasp for air. It was during that time that I considered learning the Heimlich maneuver, just in case. Reaching down to pet her, I was hoping to talk some comforting sense into her, but it only caused her to duck. She was afraid that the hand that was coming down would hit her, which I’m sure had happened too many times. Over the years I made a game out of it to take away her fear and associate the hand with a new meaning. Fun and playtime…”The claw”. It took years to rehabilitate her and years before she took herself not so seriously, finally allowing herself to play. It was then that the Shiba 500 (playful little outbursts of energy, running around like crazy while smiling from ear to ear….and yes I’m still talking about Nikki, she had the biggest smile I ever saw on a dog ) was born. It was an extraordinary day and I remember how happy I was as she dropped her fear and revealed her true nature. Her beautiful soul emerged and for the first time there was no fear in her eyes.

Nikki and I had a special bond, a bond words simply can’t describe. She literally was my fur baby and meant everything to me. She was my child and she lives on within my heart. I didn’t think that I could have loved her any more as I did, and despite that she couldn’t physically communicate with me, I understood everything she was trying to convey. Her gratefulness for saving her was obvious in all of her actions, all you had to do is look at her little face. I have always considered myself an animal lover, but it was Nikki who taught me to see more, to see the living soul mirrored in her eyes. I despised people referring to her as nothing more than an animal, a pet,  I simply couldn’t relate. She was so much more, she was a beautiful living soul, full of spunk and emotions.

After Sparky’s death her little heart was broken and our relationship became even closer. I was all that she had left and while Sparky was alive, I might have not believed that our bond could get any stronger. But it did. Nikki became a hiker at the age of 12 and I once heard that 1 dog year is equivalent to 7 human years. There is much controversy discussing this topic which includes the consideration of various breeds etc, but if there is truth to it, Nikki would have been 84 years old as she took up hiking. A true testament that it is never too late to start doing what you love. At the age of 84 she found a new passion (she probably always had it and I feel guilty of not introducing her to it earlier while coming up with various excuses of not being able to handle two dogs by myself, working so much back then and still now, to etc. etc.) a passion that would help her cope with the loss of her companion and soulmate, Sparky. 

Preparing for a hike was tricky and I had to be careful as the adrenaline and her sheer excitement of going for a hike would often lead to overexertion. In her senior years Nikki had developed arthritis and her own excitement and willpower often exceeded what her little body could handle. It was crazy how she would pick up on the tiniest of clues before a hike. She definitely knew the backpack and me grabbing it would result in the Shiba 500, running around like crazy, wiping out, hitting a slippery patch on the hardwood floor or leaping through the air almost knocking me over were all results if I wasn’t sneaky enough. All things her old little, aged body couldn’t put away so easily anymore. Her leash was no difference or putting on her harness, even the sound of the car could trigger the excitement, followed by what I can only express as that shit grinning, tongue out smile that appeared on her face in anticipation. She didn’t know her own strength and I often felt that it was sheer adrenaline and her willpower, the passion for what she loved and the heart of a lion full of courage that propelled her forward. Looking back, I realize that Nikki was one of my greatest teachers. I have no doubt that without any spoken words, she has taught me more than I ever learned from some who could speak. I might have rescued her from her abusive owners but in the end I’m not so sure of who ended up rescuing who. Let’s just call it even.

It’s been 2 1/2 years since Nikki has been gone and I’m not sure if I will ever get over her loss. I’m reluctant to say that I felt as if I lost a child. Despite two miscarriages I never experienced losing a child that lived with me for several years and I can’t truly compare it to make such a statement. Still it is the closest form that I can describe her loss and my life remains forever changed. People have encouraged me to get another dog and while I believe that a new dog could ease the pain and help me make new memories, I also know that nobody will ever take her place. It is the uncertainty and the changes that lie ahead that have prevented me from taking on the responsibility of getting a dog right now. Nikki will always have a special place in my heart and I held on to her as long as I could. Her wings were ready but it was my soul that wasn’t prepared to let her go for selfish reasons. In the end I had to do what any animal lover would have done to spare her additional pain and a life that had no future. And still, no day goes by that she isn’t on my mind. I wish she was here and the thought of being reunited with Sparky brings me only little comfort. I have to remind myself that her beautiful soul is with me forever, pain free to roam and play once more until we can meet again. In the meantime there is an empty hole within my heart as I have no choice but to roam without her.

Nikki has taught me that it is never too late. To pursue your passion as it is the rhythm of everything that matters in life. Do it with passion or don’t do it at all. If you have to do something you don’t like and the passion is lacking, change your stars and pursue what matters. Work towards your goals and take that first step no matter how tiny it is. Just do it anyways. Nikki has taught me to look beyond and recognize a soul within every living being. To drop its formal name of calling it an animal, but to see the spirit and the soul that lies within. Nikki showed me perseverance by pushing beyond  the pain as nothing in life is free. To be a warrior and realize that the harder the struggle, the sweeter the victory. It takes life shattering incidents to mold us into the people we are meant to be, otherwise we just don’t learn. I believe that it was Nikki who initiated the first stage of what would lead me to my spiritual awakening. The other element of importance was that the timing was right. I simply became aware and was willing to listen and see the signs that have always been there, unnoticed until then.

Coming soon…stage one of spiritual enlightenment and spiritual awakening. I believe now….

Posted in Buddhism, Emotions, Experience, Feelings, Human spirit, Inspiration, Life, Life lessons, Motivation,, My story, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Wisdom

The quest for more 


(Focus…)
It was my friend “Pinterest” that peeked my curiosity and was guiding me without being aware of it at the time. I had reached a point where I was questioning everything these days. Old learned principles and my way of life was simply not enough anymore. I was existing but I was not alive. Physically I was breathing, but inside of me my soul was dying a little more with each passing day. The void grew bigger and I couldn’t remember a time where I didn’t feel burdened and bogged down with responsibilities and obligations. Really, it’s been like that for years, who was I kidding. I grew more and more intolerant to it, while growing more and more tolerant to changing my stars. I didn’t know how to do that as I felt trapped in a vicious circle that always had the same outcome. I didn’t understand all the components involved and I didn’t know what was going on, but I was willing to listen in the hopes to attain more insight and understanding. I had noticed physical signs in the form of totem animals and their symbolic meaning. I would soon learn that it was only the beginning and more sightings were heading my way. I also noticed the silent messages and the signs through the quotes I found on Pinterest. I was trying to understand the underlying reasons as to why a particular quote would reach me at a certain time. One could easily dismiss this and think that it is a non brainer to come across quotes if that is what you are looking for. Of course it is on a superficial level but I was on a quest for more, a quest to understand. Understand what?…you might ask, what’s there to understand as it might seem nothing more than a set of mere coincidences. Somehow these weren’t coincidences to me and all the messages I read, I analyzed as to why they crossed my path at any given time. 

In order to summarize my spiritual journey, I now knew that there were physical signs but also silent messages that may enter our life from time to time. I once heard this quote “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” This quote had profound meaning to me. I didn’t know if I was ready. What was required to be ready, to make changes and what needed to be changed in which order. The only thing I knew was that I felt a difference inside and I was ready to listen and understand on a different level, a level that was new to me. Some say that this quote originated from Buddha, others will claim that it is fake. True or fake, I came across a article that steered me into the direction of Buddhism and spiritual awakening as it outlined the individual steps. Like a sponge I was absorbing and taking in all the information. I was hungry and curious to learn. I heard that people will believe what they want to believe and once again I was reminded that I was a optimist, a believer if you will. I engaged in the countless articles laid out in front of me and for the first time things started to make sense. I was relating and I wasn’t alone as I found myself identifying with the signs, physical, written and the not so obvious and silent ones. I believed that me, the student was ready and what transpired was that the teacher was appearing to open my eyes.

One article described the 7 stages to spiritual awakening. I found myself glued to it, nodding as if a lightbulb inside of my head had finally turned on. You could experience any of these steps in no particular order and I was beyond amazed to realize that I could relate to most stages. A transformation deep within, a shift in perception had begun, God knows when but I had a pretty good idea. I was finally waking up, although I never realized that I was asleep. Once again I felt that my life had passed me through mostly existence but not through being fully awake, being fully alive. Weird enough was that my experiences with the 7 stages went pretty much in order with how they were listed in the article and at least they were in the beginning. I believe that the first stage is vital to make the rest happen and I’m not sure if the other stages can occur without stage 1 as it involves life changing occurrences. 

To be continued…stay tuned. 

Xoxoxo ❤️

Posted in Emotions, Experience, Feelings, Health, Human spirit, Inspiration, Life, Life lessons, My story

Round 2

After the “Tooth Fairy” called to squeeze me into a cancelled appointment on Tuesday morning, I started to mentally prepare myself for my second visit. My mind was trying to play tricks on me, scaring me right back into that old fear that had prevented me from going on a regular basis, but I wasn’t going to have it.My first visit, less than a week ago went as smooth as it could have gone, but I knew that today with another extraction to look forward to, it was a procedure that might require surgically cutting my gums. It was a fear inducing thought for sure, but somehow I managed to tuck it away somewhere deep into my mind where it was residing without surfacing until everything was said and done. Well almost done, but not quiet.

I prepared myself a serving of oatmeal on the stove, the proper way which I didn’t always follow before. I recalled somebody I once knew scolding me jokingly for microwaving all the nutrients out of it by not properly cooking it on the stove. Somehow the theory stuck with me and I adhered to my new stove top method. I was no longer going to feel guilty by taking the microwave shortcut. Not that it was all that much quicker anyways and I smiled remembering how many times my oatmeal actually bubbled over the edges of my bowl, leaving behind a mess to clean up. I realized that I never actually saved any time this way, considering all the cleanup that went into it. I cut an apple into my healthy delicious meal while letting it bind together. It felt as if I was preparing my last supper, or breakfast in my case as it would be difficult to eat later after the extraction. Might as well feed myself something healthy, full of nutrition. 

Elvia my dentists assistant casually told me during my first visit about her love for cabbage patch dolls. She stated that she had always wanted one but her parents were poor and she never got her wish. It was just small talk but a few days later a cabbage patch doll crossed my path in the most strangest of ways as if it was miraculously just placed in front of me to test my reaction. And yes it was Elvia that I was thinking of as I saw the doll and I just had to have it for her. 

Once I arrived at the dentist I saw Elvia and handed her a little gift bag that included a little note and her very own cabbage patch rainforest doll which resembled a butterfly. As a spirit animal, butterflies are often associated with transformation and change. A symbol of resurrection, butterflies represent endurance, change, hope and life. I found it to be fitting since Elvia helped transform my fear of going to the dentist and helped me change to live a healthier life. To resurrect myself and evolve into a more beautiful version of myself with a brighter smile. Thank you Elvia. 

What followed was a reaction I could have not predicted as it was merely a token of appreciation that I had handed her and not something so far out of the ordinary for me. I just wanted to do this for her and I didn’t do it for one moment because I felt that I had to. Elvia’s eyes teared up once she saw what it was and she was genuinely touched by my gesture. “Oh my god I will cherish this forever, this is the kindest gift somebody has ever given me” Elvia stumbled under tears as we hugged. Time stood still for a moment as everything else was disappearing and I’m forever grateful that I could present Elvia with something so minor and minute, but something she felt so happy about. Needless to say it moved me beyond words and reminded me of my true calling and what I was aspiring towards. To make a difference and help people in any way that I can. And it was in that very moment when I was blessed to experience Elvia’s Joy that my own craving was born to experience many more moments like this. This was the second time this week that I got to experience this feeling of sheer bliss through the joy of others. Just the day before I extended a job offer to a woman who had just interviewed with me and she was so happy that her entire face lit up as she thanked me, tearfully and asked if she could give me a big hug. Another hug that invoked the same feeling, a gratifying moment, being able to make a difference. I know that my future, in which ever way it might unfold itself, will have something to do with reliving this feeling over and over again. It will know the deepest sense of satisfaction through the happiness of others. 

After signing the consent to extract #3, a tooth that had broken off while biting down hard onto an unopened popcorn kernel, my tooth fairy, my kind, beautiful angelic dentist sat next to me once again as I was stretched out on the lounger. She asked me about my other tooth from last week and if I was ok with just regular ibuprofen. I told her that I forgot to take anything, ate pizza that very night and she laughed and called me tough a few times again. Tough as nails and a high tolerance to pain indeed. “We got big plans for you today, are you mentally prepared for it” she asked me and it was then that the gum cutting thought appeared once more before I dismissed it again. I knew there was a possibility but I didn’t want to think about it. I was finally here to face whatever was to come and I was ready. Warrior mode in full effect. She told me that she likes to prepare people for the worst and that it would be a bonus if things turn out to be much easier. The tooth was in the upper, right back, solidly settled deep inside my gums with three strong roots. Great. I knew it would not be as easy as the wobbly tooth from last week, but let’s just get it on already, I thought as we were about to start. Thanks to novocaine again, there was not the slightest pain throughout the procedure, but there was more pressure and a wrestling match going on to get the tooth out which seemingly decided to come out root by root instead of in one solid piece. In the end everything came out beautifully as my “Tooth Fairy” mentioned and I count myself blessed and lucky for lucky #3 to be mostly cooperative as I know that it could have gone way, way different. 

I took my regular dose of ibuprofen while I was still at the dentist office in preparation for when the novocaine would wear off. In comparison to last week where I felt nothing, I did feel it wear off this time and what remained was a dull constant, I can’t even call it pain, but a rather annoying discomfort reminding me that I just had a tooth pulled. No swelling of any kind (lucky) but later during the night the dull pain even woke me up at some point. The discomfort continued into the next day, probably until mid afternoon until I finally won the battle over the pain banishing it out of sight and feel without any further pain meds.

I am thankful and beyond grateful for the out of this world care that I have received from my tooth fairy and her amazing staff. In just two visits (I was going to say short visits, but they have been actually pretty long visits) her team has managed to ban my year long fear by making me feel comfortable in ways I could have not imagined. I’m no longer afraid of going to the dentist and actually look forward to seeing a few kind friends who have made a difference in my life in such a big way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

Posted in Adventure, Experience, Feelings, Health, Hiking, Human spirit, Inspiration, Life, Life lessons, Mother nature, Motivation,, My story, Photography, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Wisdom

A quick refresh 

Just a short stroll through the snow to refresh my mind and to reconnect with the peace and serenity I always find when I visit Mother Nature. 

It was a quick trip, chilly but beautiful, a quick reward after another dentist visit (I will write about at a later time) and the loss of #3 being the last and final extraction. The rest of my teeth are here to stay, for a long long time I hope. 

There is always something in life that could steal our smile, but I hope you remember to fight through it and never let anything get in between that. And if you can’t help it, because that does happen at times, I wish you that the time will be short and you learn to smile in biggest way once more. Even with two missing teeth, you can still smile big and find something to be grateful for. 

Have a beautiful day. Xoxoxoxo.

Posted in Experience, Feelings, Health, Human spirit, Inspiration, Life, Self help

Good-bye #18

I lost number 18 at the dentist today but I can’t complain. I have been lucky with my teeth for the most part of my life. Maybe I shouldn’t call it luck and I often think it’s because I never really cared about all that sweet stuff as a child. What a child that doesn’t like candy? Unheard of right? True though and to this day I don’t have much of a sweet tooth. There is the occasional craving that rises up every now and then, but which has to be followed up with a piece of sausage to get the sweets out of my mouth and to neutralize the taste as I would call it. Lol, yeah you heard right, a piece of sausage and meat will do too. So just maybe all the abstinence from sugar overkill may have saved my teeth in the long run. It has been years that I have been at the dentist due to a few bad experiences and the sound of that drill is something to behold even if there is no pain. It’s a bit like nails on a chalk board and it sends shivers of discomfort down my spine just thinking of it. There was no drill today buy I will take headphones from now on when there might be one. Going to the dentist today brought back some anxiety but also the soothing effects of feeling relieved that I finally took that first step and went. My blood pressure was elevated from sitting in that chair with all the medieval looking probing and torture tools surrounding me, but I also found myself relaxing as the feeling of relief swept over me. In the 2 1/2 hours that I was there, I surely had enough time to do so. The warrior spirit was alive and well as my dentist referred to me not once but three times that I was tough as nails. Personally I just think I have a high tolerance to pain, but there really wasn’t too much discomfort today. Thank you novocaine. 

#18 called for a root canal which had a 50/50 chance of being successful. I opted against it after the advice from my dentist (wow, she advised me about what would be best for me instead of trying to capitalize on making more money off of me) and I decided to say good-bye to #18 even though he had always served me well in chomping up my nutrition. The odds weren’t good enough and I needed a higher survival percentage in order to pay the high fee #18 demanded. 

I will have to go back a few more times I’m sure, for another extraction and routine cleaning etc. but I started and the experience was as great as it can be considering going to the dentist is great. I’m not sure if it will ever be my favorite thing, but the staff was amazing and made all the difference. And to look on the bright side of things and find my silver lining, I think it’s a hell of a diet plan to have a tooth extracted the day before thanksgiving as I am on soft and liquid food. Was I in the right frame of mind to do that or has this turned into an episode of “What was I thinking” Haha….I must have food withdraws as I only had a cup of chicken broth and a slice of pound cake which leaves me yearning for, yes you got it….sausage that I can’t really chew up now. I think I’m just making fun of myself and truly I have a thanksgiving kind of mind frame every day. Not always the food with turkey and all the fixings, but definitely always thankful for every lesson life has given me, for the people that surround me and make me a better person and for everything I have been blessed with. You see, I have a lot to be thankful for and I’m grateful for each one of you. 

Wishing you a Happy thanksgiving, peace on earth, fond memories with friends and family and many special moments.

Posted in Death, Emotions, Experience, Feelings, Human spirit, Inspiration, Life, Life lessons, Loss, My story

“Just like your Mother”

You said it a few times by now and each time you have said it in anger. “You are just like your mother”. I’m not quiet sure as to why you say it or if it’s a low blow you are trying to deliver. Maybe it’s just a statement, an opinion, something that doesn’t come with good intentions. I wonder if it truly needs to be spoken, as it’s context conveyed is meant to be hurtful. I fail to see your reasoning, nor am I trying to figure it out. All I know is that it’s no compliment towards me or my mother and I feel a change inside of me rising when you bring it up. A switch that turns to protection of my mother as I feel that she has bestowed nothing but kindness upon you. I know there have been many times that you have seen me struggle through some issues with my mother and perhaps it is the reason as to why your perception of her has shifted. Maybe it is different for an outsider, somebody not related through blood, but even that I can’t justify and excuse because you have experienced some of the same with your own family. 

As far as my mother is concerned, I’m not sure if we struggled after the death of my father. She provided me with everything that I needed and while I’m sure that there must have been tough times, I was too young to understand and notice. I might have never seen or recognized the signs that were there and I dismissed them with young, innocent and ignorant bliss. There was nothing to notice for me at that age, she did a great job of keeping it all away from me and nothing was obvious or appeared out of the ordinary. For the most part anyways, besides missing my father every day. She had to be a strong woman, raising me by herself and finishing the construction / remodel on our house that was only half finished through her own power. She never gained the respect a man would have had dealing with the handy workers of various traits, but she learned to become tough which also caused her to lock her feelings away in order to display this strong front. Even towards me she kept her wall up, towards her own flesh and blood. I knew she cared about me and loved me, I always knew, she just never said it to me and I missed the affection I had come to know and love from my father. 

I don’t know if my mother changed or if it was me realizing how important it was to convey feelings. My father taught me in his absence that we can never take anything for granted because we might never get a second chance. And so it was that while my heart and my feelings opened during this Rhapsody (an effusively, enthusiastic or ecstatic expression of feelings), it was the opposite for my mother and her feelings and her heart hardened during that same time. Yes, she choose to be by herself for all the years that followed my fathers death and she never remarried. Sometimes I think that it is only me who can understand her reasonings behind the unspoken words. She doesn’t have to say anything and still I already know that my father was her soulmate, he was the one and only for her. A play of words that couldn’t find a better example as describing the love that lived between my parents. 

I never realized how much it impacted my mother that I left her and my country to come to America. How could I, we never talked about feelings in any way or form. By now you could say, she had become an expert at hiding her emotions, with a poker face that left no clues. Over the years she became bitter that I left her behind and we drifted apart. We almost became estranged and for many years I felt that we knew each other as people, but not as family and definitely not like mother and daughter. She held a stubborn grudge, unable to forgive me and it didn’t matter how successful I had been in my second country of home, all there was, was that I had left her. Going home to visit was not always an easy thing as the first week was wasted and filled with the tension of her despising the decisions I had made. It took me over twenty years of trying to rebuild a relationship between us and thank god for that it finally happened. I nearly gave up a few times and so I understand when you remember that side of me, the frustration through it all, but you forget the internal struggle to continue the fight for her love and acceptance. It took many arguments and heartaches to finally break through to her, to finally give her something she could agree on and be proud of. It was nothing short of a miracle to have her back. 

And finally she allowed me to see a few glimpses of the mother that I knew as a child. I saw her laugh again and have great fun, do spontaneous, silly things and just live a little. An inner child that was locked away for many years because of the extreme difficulty and the seriousness of events that had transpired. I could never hold anything like that against her and my heart was always aching for the tough life she had to endure. Many might not understand her, but it is me who does and who imposes the question to imagine how your life would have turned out if you had lost your soulmate at such an early age? What would you have done, or would have to do to survive? Chances are none of us can answer this and we don’t know how strong we truly are until having to be strong is all there is left. I think she did just fine and even though I know that at some point I let her down in a big way by leaving her behind, I am the work of labor and love that comes from my parents. She sacrificed much for me and I can never thank her enough for helping me turn out alright.

So when you say that I am just like my mother, I know it is in comparison that I hold on to the past, that I hold a grudge or that I can’t forgive. I might even agree with a few things that could fall into a statement like this, for we both had to be strong women and life didn’t always made it easy for us. And yet you won’t hear me complaining because life had a plan for me all along and has made me into the person I was always meant to be. I will always be my mothers daughter and just maybe I was meant to be “Just like my mother” and I take that as a compliment.

Posted in Death, Emotions, Experience, Feelings, Human spirit, Inspiration, Life, Life lessons, Loss, Motivation,, My story, Photography, Purpose driven, Self help

Living vs. being ALIVE…

If you follow my blog then you know that the trail often calls my name and nature for me is a way to escape a life filled with responsibilities and duties. From time to time bits and pieces of my life flash by me like the segments of an old movie reel. Black and white images, frayed and shaking against the backdrop, trying to hold on, trying to find their place. For a moment my strength subsides and I yearn to lower my shield. Exhausted from having to be so strong, I look for a break where my vulnerability can roam without the fear of harms way. To drop the responsibility and to set my inner child free that never got to see its childhood come to full terms. It was my Dad’s tragic accidental death at the age of ten which signifies the end of my childhood and the begin of adulthood that came way to soon. 

Life as I knew it had stopped for me and I lost my hero and best friend that day. There was no professional help to cope with the loss and to this day I don’t think that my Mom ever realized how much my Dad’s death impacted my life. I’m sure she was trying to find her own way of dealing with the loss of her soulmate and now raising me on her own. I would like to think that overall she did a great job and I never got into any serious trouble and grew up with values, a great work ethic and manners. I wonder if that is really what it is all about because despite it being so, I never learned how to actually live and there are no schools that teach you what should be most important. Today and going forward my hunger to live more is greater than ever….

It was many years later that I realized that my childhood died with my Dad. In school I found it hard to relate to other kids and I simple had no place amongst the popular crowds. Not because I was “nerdy” but because I had nothing to share. There were no stories to tell, no adventures of what I did with my Dad last weekend and hearing the other kids talk, was nothing more than a painful reminder that I was alone. Eventually I avoided being around those scenarios and perhaps it was the beginning of my introversion. 

I lost my place in society as the place it offered to me was too painful to be around. Every once in awhile a faint memory of my childhood emerges that somehow had vanished until that moment. As if it was hidden in a way to protect myself from the trauma of my Dad’s death. Maybe it is to be revealed now and maybe my adult self is ready to deal with those moments better than I could at the age of ten. I recall the silly times with my Dad, the carefree moments of just laughing and letting my soul hang loose without fear and constraints. 

Today it is nature and the trail that offers that outlet to me along with a few very special People in my life. It is then and there when that inner child emerges and I hear the voice (literally) coming from within to play, to be silly and to be a part of what will become a lasting special memory. Urging me to drop life and all its seriousness for a moment and instead take as much time as possible to truly be alive. 

Picture from my backyard “Lake Tahoe” ❤️

Posted in Emotions, Experience, Feelings, Human spirit, Inspiration, Life, Life lessons, My story, Self help, Survival, Wisdom

When people give you Lemons ,

When people give you lemons, life will make you choose. You can either make lemonade and move on or become a victim. Life itself has a way of pushing us out of our comfort zone and the timing is seldom right. Or so we think and we feel unprepared and would much rather put things off. Maybe it is the ego that challenges us and instills doubt by making us believe that we are not ready. Not ready for the unknown and the fear of change is frightening us. Life as we know it, is about to take on new dimensions and we don’t know what to expect. And just maybe the changes are so huge that we can’t envision how they are going to fall into place. Just yet. We know that the road will tough, lined with obstacles and it won’t be easy. Our soul feels tired in ways that sleep can’t recover. And last but not least we are required to be strong because the warrior inside of us has been summoned once more to rise and fight for the life it seeks and deserves. 
Life has pushed me and life has finally grown tired of my procrastination. In a good way that is and the optimist in me knows that it is forcing me to put myself first for a change. And while I do find myself out of my comfort zone and a bit overwhelmed, I know this has been long overdue. I need to keep the focus as it is the only way. Timing might be everything, ready or not, and luckily if anything, my motto has always been to make lemonade. I’m a fighter and a warrior choosing the path of the light instead of the dark. 

Thank you all for your kind words and please know that I’m ok. I’m still processing and forging my path. My mind is tired and I hope you can be patient until I can come back and write more frequently. 
Hugs and best to all 

Xoxoxo 
Rhapsody Bohème ❤️

Posted in Emotions, Experience, Feelings, Human spirit, Inspiration, Life, Life lessons, Motivation,, My story, Purpose driven, Self help, Wisdom

And so it begins…

I know what’s next and so it begins.

Few things make me truly angry and while the initial anger, 

the feeling of deceit and betrayal subsides, 

I realize that everything is exactly how it needs to be. 

A new Canto in my life’s poem is about to begin.

And I embrace it with all my might. 
(Stay tuned….)

Posted in Adventure, Animals, Experience, Feelings, Human spirit, Inspiration, Life, Mother nature, My story, Pets, Photography, Spirit animals, Spiritual awakening, Wildlife

Unusual encounters…

No this post is not about extraterrestrial encounters and aliens, even though I am in the proud possession of a Alien registration card (green card). What I’m talking about are my unusual encounters in nature, the animal world and a few spirit animals.I recently wrote about two encounters with spirit animals and there have been more since then. In due time and when fitting I plan to write about those incidents at a later post. Some animals keep reappearing and I believe it is then that they are meant to signal something and serve as a spirit guide. In hindsight I know that it was through those encounters that I was introduced to different phases of my life. I know they signaled of what was yet to come and somehow guided me by teaching me to listen and see the signs. Since, I have learned to pay attention to nature and feel that my intuition has grown as I find the truth in the animal kingdom and nature. Both hold all the answers to the questions we could ever have. 

I can’t help but wonder how others may feel about this. I wonder if you believe in animal spirits and the connection between animals and humans that requires no words? Have you ever looked into the eyes of an animal while seeing a living soul instead of just a pet or an animal? You might relate and find yourself agreeing as it describes the world I live in. I’ve always had a pretty strong bond with these souls, domesticated and wild. Animals have a great meaning to me and I will swerve on the road to avoid running over a mouse. I have a few mouse traps in the garage and I hate them. I don’t want mice in the house but if one is caught in the trap, I’m the biggest pansy and I struggle to pick it up. Spiders are not my thing either and both will cause me years off of my life as well as gray hairs if I am forced to deal with them. 

Lately I have been thinking more about those animal encounters as these subjects have been emphasized through events transpired throughout the year. I am more aware today and recall older events as I notice the patterns. Maybe the reasons for these encounters point back to me and the person I have become. I believe animals pick up on our vibes, our personalities and I have seen dogs mimic the personality of their owners. Nervous or calm, it’s almost like a frequency we emit that allows animals to pick up on whether we are a danger to them or if we can be trusted. 

My encounters range from maybe “coincidental encounters” if that is what you want to believe they are, to the more strange and unexplainable moments that evoke a little more thought. Unusual encounters.

I have rabbits living in my backyard but I don’t exactly live out in the country. Granted there is much wildlife around the outlying areas of where I live, perhaps I can dismiss this one and check it off to coincidence. I also have squirrels that come to collect peanuts and other veggies on a daily basis as they also have made their home in my backyard. Earlier this year I had a couple of Dove’s make their nest on my porch, laying their eggs and I had a few Hawk’s visit in the past (another spirit animal). Partridges appear daily as the walk through the backyard with their distinguished calls, grooming the grounds. Still nothing too unusual but animals seem to flock to me and love my presence. 

My little buddy Luna, the Guinea pig gets all feisty when I come to visit her and her eyes get huge. She purrs and runs laps just like Nikki (my dog) used to do when she took off running her “Shiba 500”. I love to see marmots on the trail and had one that came down from it’s perch to naw on a bush, eating white little flowers right next to me. Usually they scurry away and hide into their burrows when they see humans. I have encountered deer on the trail, a few feet away from me and instead of taking off running, they just calmly look at me and pass me by as if I was one of them. All the Bears I had seen a few years back didn’t seem to have minded me either. I sit at a beach up at Lake Tahoe, look to my side, only to find somebody’s strange dog sitting right next to me that I have never seen before. No noise or sound, no nudge like “hey I’m here right next to you”, nothing, as it sits next to me just staring out onto the lake. Finally, I’m granted one last look before the beautiful soul turns and vanishes back into the woods where I hope its owner is as there has been no sight of one. Other squirrels encountered at the ocean, far away from my home try to climb up my leg and beg to be hand fed. As I have to say good bye, one squirrel is not having it and is trying to get into the car. It’s unusual encounters like these that I notice and come to appreciate. 

My friend David at hippiesartistsandfreaks.wordpress.com who I met online through artistful, a former website for artists has become a great friend over the years. He recently has joined me here on WordPress and I hope you check out his blog and show him some love. If you get to know him, you will discover the beautiful soul he is and I feel myself lucky, thankful and blessed that our paths have crossed. I do believe that people enter our lives for a reason and I had some pretty amazing people in my life, recently and past of who have great meaning to me.


David has followed my adventures for several years now and he once suggested that I might be an animal whisperer. And while I’m not sure if there is such an actual thing in real life, I love the sound of it and would be honored to be considered as such. What do you think, do you believe in animal whisperer’s or have experienced similar incidents?

One thing is for sure, I do love animals and the living souls they are to me.