Posted in Enlightenment, Inspiration, Spirituality

Holding space for another person

Has somebody ever told you that they are holding space for you? Most likely this would have happened in a moment and a time where you were vulnerable, where you could be wounded or perhaps was, or as you need a break to breathe and regather your strength. If you have heard this phrase, it most likely came from a spiritual, unconventional soul. An empath, someone who feels deeply, who has compassion and a love for humanity. Perhaps these words were spoken from someone who was able to see the challenges and struggles we can face from time to time. Perhaps that someone has walked the path themselves, and therefore finds it easy to relate. Perhaps that someone is paying forward the wisdom and the experiences that they themselves have gathered before us. Perhaps that someone has been in our shoes and knows what it feels like.

So what is this expression of holding space for someone? Heather Plett has explained it perfectly and it means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control. Have you ever encountered someone holding space for you, or perhaps have you held space for another person?

Posted in Divine universe, Enlightenment, Inspiration, Life

Midlife and the Universe

Artist ~ Sourcing

Signs and messages always find us at the perfect timing, when we need answers, when we search for something, feel stuck, or have more inner work that needs to be done. Here is to all of us dreamers, the ones on a journey of finding self love, acceptance and being life long learners, leaning on each other and sharing our light. Long time, a fan of Brenè Brown, here is a little something to share that speaks to me.

I think midlife is when the Universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear. I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – have to go.

Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you need these protections when you were small. I understand that you believe your armor could help secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.

Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventure ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.

Posted in Enlightenment, Life, Trauma

Ultra Independence

There used to be a time I was filled with pride when it came to my ultra independence and not needing any help, anyone or anything. It was validation and proof that I could make it on my own if need be. This pride was probably around the same time this picture was taken. A picture full of life, like there wasn’t anything too big to tackle. A picture full of confidence with a big smile that ensured I could take on the world, no matter what. A picture on a high note, a good day, feeling empowered while standing on my own two feet, firmly on the ground. Unshakable.

I remember times when a girlfriend asked how I do it! To her it seemed like I had superpowers, being the strongest individual she’d known. For me it was simply a way of life, the only way I’d come to know in my existence. Years and years later, her statement finally makes sense, although I still can’t answer it. There are times now I feel like a worry wad and it’s aways strange territory. Armed with more knowledge and wisdom, a deeper understanding of all inner workings, at times I can’t help but wonder as I asked myself “what happened to her”, me, the one behind the confident and energetic smile. Too many times I feel tired now. Tired of battles I don’t care to fight. Tired of the battle of chronically hurting all the time. Maybe I just to handle it better and even as this picture was taken, I was well into my battle with the rheumatoid arthritis already. Maybe it just eats away a little more each year, each month, each day until the tiredness reflects in eyes that have lost their luster.

I used to think “Mama raised me well.” Like her I became a strong woman, dealing with things on my own, never asking for help, never being in a position dependent on another. No I never did find myself on that track and she led by example all her life, concealing her own struggles, holding it together, keeping her emotions carefully under check. I grew up much like her, strong, fending for myself, making a life for myself, never in a bind I couldn’t get myself out from. No…I was always prepared and I always made sure of it. The only thing different between us was that it was me who wore her emotions on my sleeve most of the time. For Mom it was a sign of weakness, her own past trauma which ultimately contributed to my trauma and the damage of how I viewed myself. This created an inner child that would hold on to that trauma, that event, storing it for all eternity, becoming a part of your self worth, our struggles and our demons. It is here where something like being independent, normally viewed as an attribute, can actually become a burden, something that weighs you down and develops hurt and pain within, based on your life experiences.

Somewhere I recently read that ultra independence is a trauma response and the title couldn’t have rang truer. It could mean a lot of different things, such as your perceptions, feelings, impressions, reactions, experiences and how we feel that leads to such trauma.

For example: Moms belief about my feelings created trauma within me. It left me feeling as I was weak, not strong enough, that I couldn’t do it, that I had to prove it to myself but mostly others, her, alone and without help to gain worthiness. This is just one example of what can happen and for each experience an inner child is created that lives within us, holding on to that trauma, waiting to be healed. When a woman dares to look and heal herself, she then heals the trauma not only of herself, but that of generations of her family. Her mother, grandmother, all the way down the line as this ancestral trauma is passed from generation to generation.

Ultra independence is created when we believe that we have to prove something and when we had a hurtful experience.

Maybe it is the status of how we are viewed by others that hurts. That way we don’t fit in and feel like an outsider.

Maybe it is from being misunderstood, of being lied to and taken advantage of.

Maybe it is due to neglect, abuse, betrayal or disappointment.

Maybe it is from abandonment. From not feeling trustworthy, capable of making sound decisions.

Ultra independence is always a result of broken trust issues. A soul contract you make with yourself to never again go down this road.

I have reached a point I am no longer proud of my ultra independence. Life has shifted and today I am more interested in understanding the causes that led me to feeling this pride the begin with. To understand the triggers and the wounds that were created a long time ago and to heal this trauma for myself and for Mom and everyone else down the line.

Posted in Divine universe, Enlightenment, Inspiration

Winter Solstice – Yule

May the longest night and the shortest day, bring rest to your mind and soul, I pray. May you find guidance and may you find peace, as the cycle of light slowly increases.

Embrace the magic that the darkness bears, breath deep in the chill and shift in the air. May you always be blessed with the light from within, and may well-being be yours as the new cycle begins.

Happy Winter Solstice ❄️

Posted in Energy healing, Enlightenment, Pain, Vibrations

Energy imbalances between the masculine and the feminine

It all started with my left index finger being swollen and very stiff upon waking up on Saturday morning. It was unusually thick at the base of the finger near the hand and it was hard to curl or make a fist. Partly this was due to the swelling and the inflammation that had settled in my finger. I am no stranger to these moments, and each morning usually starts with a self check in to see what kind of day it is going to be. Saturday started like any other morning, and at first I didn’t think much about it. I merely noticed the swelling, the discomfort, and briefly checked on the weather, as barometer drops can cause these issues too. It was sunny outside and that couldn’t be it, so I moved on recalling what I ate the day before that could have been a possible trigger. Nothing really stuck though.

Ugghhh the arthritis struck again and this was the body part it had chosen to attack this time was my final determination. No further thought was given, and I went on with my day, chatting with my cousin in Germany via FaceTime, which I enjoyed greatly. It’s always great to see her and I felt a little nostalgic since an entire year has passed that we’ve seen each other in person.

Afterwards, I took Cinnamon on her 3 mile adventure and walk through the neighborhood and bordering BLM (public land) access. I could feel myself slowing down and being on the homestretch, it felt like I couldn’t get there fast enough all of a sudden. It was during the final blocks that an awakened consciousness came over me. I wasn’t going through the motion anymore, completing a walk, a task, a routine. Everything was pronounced, feeling the weather and sunshine, the smell of the earth, the birds chirping, a peace within and feeling alive, truly alive and aware, treasuring these moments. Time slowed down as we made our way back home and we strolled through the streets as if observing and seeing the world for the first time.

Back at home, the feeling subsided, and instantly I felt really tired. At first I chugged it off to my walk, although 3 miles is not really a big deal and I have gone much further before. But today, well today, it was a big deal apparently.

I had great plans for the day, with millions of things to do and yet, they all didn’t seem that important anymore and just relaxing, binge watching on Yellowstone seemed to be a far greater idea. I don’t even remember the last time I did something like this, and it’s usually go, go, go for me, always staying busy. I even find myself in the middle of a joke because of it. But in hindsight I can see what was going on here, and my body starts to strike when things get too much, forcing me to step back and take it easy. It’s not the first time this happened, but how it happened, sure was a first.

Kicking back in the recliner, the little pooch by my side, halfway laying on top of me, my shoulder made itself very noticeable. The pain that I’ve been feeling for days, perhaps even weeks, coming and going, decided to make a comeback. It was on the left side, shooting down my entire arm to meet up with the pain of my left index finger. Several times I resorted to the aid of stretching exercises for range of mobility, but nothing really did the trick. All I could do is situate myself in the most comfortable position as not to add to the pain that was now noticeable throughout the upper half of my body.

It was manageable for awhile until the left knee was starting to throb. What the heck was going on? The right side felt perfectly fine, but the left side of my body felt as if I got run over by something. Sluggish, slow, limping, I tried to walk it off, and yeah, it didn’t get me very far, but it sure had my attention now. Left side, stroke warning, heart feeling ok, no blue line running down my arm, I didn’t feel this was the case but it surely crossed my mind.

And then I remembered a subject I’ve once touched on, but never pursued any further. It’s the subject of carrying divine feminine and masculine energy within the body. We all do, and it is said that the right side is the masculine side, and the left side of the body is the feminine side. I’ve also recently talked about the Energy update that is currently going on that many of us are experiencing and feeling in various ways, and which could also have something to do with it.

Ancient and current traditions suggest that having problems only on one side of the body stems from overusing the energy of that side. Under normal circumstances masculine and feminine energy is in balance throughout our body, unless we use / overuse the traits of one side causing an imbalance. This made perfect sense to me and I knew that somehow I was guided to find and answer the phenomenon I was experiencing.

Some of the traits included with feminine energy include…

Creative

Nurturing

Moon

Yin

Surrender

Empathy

Flowing

Patient

Intuitive

Water

Slow

Sensitive

Sharing

Affection

Sensual

Receiving

Dark

It was easy for me to recognize the overuse of these traits, ultimately causing my own imbalance and pain. It also seemed that as soon as I answered this question as to what was going on, and was led to the subject at hand, that my pain eased and almost completely subsided. There is still some swelling, but my attention is redirected at balancing the energy within.

Strange, and I can only come to the conclusion that it was important for me to become aware of this to understand it, recognize it, and get back into a harmonious balance. It is truly amazing what delicate beings we are and how everything is connected in energy and vibration. How we are affected and how we are often become our own healers by just being open to the possibilities and signs. This was definitely an experience that enriched me and gave me a glimpse into our energetic body and self at new level.

I will see you tonight lovelies for your weekly Reiki distance healing at 7PM pacific standard time.

Posted in Divine universe, Enlightenment

Feeling fragile

It was the week of Thanksgiving and I was feeling more than usual. Like this thin layer of ice, I felt frozen, a coldness in a time I should spread cheer and be thankful. I know that deep down I was, and yet I found myself in a delicate state of being fragile.

It was Monday, the beginning of the week that this unexplained state came over me. Cinnamon had followed me into the closet and curled up against the bottom row of my hanging garments. I had been away from her for a few hours, subconsciously probably worrying about her allergies and discomfort. There she was, looking at me with those big eyes and the emotions just poured out of me. Lying down next to her, holding her close to my body, the tears just rolled down my face. Or at least it would have been this way if the rheumatoid arthritis would have not robbed me of the ability to produce tears. Now I’m just left with ugly crying and the cleansing tears to wash it all away have been absent for a few years. I hate it, and it often feels as if it’s all held back inside and the release never truly comes. The day ended ok and eventually we got ourselves off the closet floor where we had remained for quite some time.

At first I thought it was a one off, just a vulnerable moment, a kind of release (even without tears) that had come and gone. But it was not over and several times throughout the week I would find myself caught up in all sorts of emotions with thanksgiving day actually being the biggest struggle. I had woken up with a sore jaw and could barely open my mouth to eat anything. Throughout the day the dull pain just kept digging away at me, a constant pain, discomfort. Not only was there physical pain but also emotional distress.

There was something I had to get off and out of my system, but what was it, what was going on. By now I had reached a point I was close to actually feeling sorry for myself, for God knows what. And finally I recognized it and out of frustration I said that I had the most horrible time. I said it while being in the best company possible and I immediately felt bad because I didn’t want what I said to be misunderstood. What I meant was that I had the most horrible time because I couldn’t come to terms with what was going on. I couldn’t shake the sadness, whatever this was and it’s usually not a problem. I felt helpless, powerless and fragile. I felt I needed to cry, and I was instigating a reason that would finally justify the tears and how I was feeling. Stupid stuff, and really nothing at all would get to me. I was acting completely out of character which didn’t make thing easier. I was looking for something to warrant my behavior, as into getting what I deserved and asked for.

It was the day after thanksgiving that I came across something that finally explained it and made sense to me. A little article talking about an energy update and here is what it said.

There are 3 huge solar flares firing off right now. Solar flares carry massive amounts of energy. You might feel anxious, overwhelmed, have trouble focusing, get headaches, ear ringing, or toothaches. As your DNA gets activated by these solar flares, you might feel tingles, pulsations, itching, or vibrations like sensations on your body. Drink a lot out of water, exercise, and ground.

It all made perfect sense and there was no doubt in my mind that I was picking up on some of that energy. Does this ring true with you, have you experienced something similar. Perhaps an unrest, worrying, a state of being overwhelmed. Rest assured, all is well.

Posted in Empath, Enlightenment, Inspiration

To feel deeply or not at all

The world of an empath is challenging and rewarding at the same time. A healthy balance is key, and solitude is needed to retreat and charge your batteries when your light is getting dim.

I’ve had plenty of times thinking that I have felt just a little too much. That it was a curse to get involved too deeply, feeling everything as if it was happening to me directly, picking up the pain and hardship of others while it was draining my own energy away. But would it be better not to feel at all? What an empty shell would we be without our feelings and compassion. Without the opportunities to make a difference for others and do good in this world.

There is little control in adjusting the level of how much you want to feel. It’s either all or nothing and an empath has no choice. It’s draining as you pick up the unspoken energy of society and the world around you. You easily sense vibes and moods without even trying, no matter how much someone wants to conceal those emotions. You smell a lie and excuse a mile away. Not much gets by you which in turn can be intimidating to others. Most likely you can’t stand gossip as it brings disruption and turmoil into your life.

Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath that is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being a “hot mess” or having “too many issues” are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.

~Anthon St. Maarten